CHAPTER 5
I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
It happened late spring just after the semester ended. Leah was riding high. Things were going very well. Her grades were great. She was making enough to make ends meet, had new hobbies, and had a semblance of a social life even if she still kept people at an arm's length to call them friends.
She was doing one of her walks through the city when she smelled it.
Vampire.
Her heart raced as she looked around. Perhaps the Volturi tracker had found her after all.
Then she realized. She saw Helen, one of the transients she had photographed. She knew immediately that the old woman pushing an overloaded baby stroller was being stalked. When she saw the shadow move, Leah didn't think.
Helen flew, pushed by the impact of her collision with the leech. She went down with a thud, and lay still. Leah hoped she wasn't dead or injured.
She came face to face with an unfamiliar face, one of those red-eyed nomads. His mismatched clothes obviously stolen from previous victims. And Leah felt a very familiar rage pulse through her.
How dare this leech? Helen and people like her have been through enough. They've struggled and suffered and sacrificed. They've been spat on and driven out, ignored, unwanted, treated like vermin by people who for some reason won the luck of the draw in life.
Control yourself.
The voice, again sounding like her grandmother, was back. She was so startled, she almost didn't hear the vampire.
"What type of creature are you?" he asked, his nose in the air as he sniffed. "Doesn't matter. I found her first. Get away from my dinner."
Leah growled in her throat. He took a step back, startled. Still, there was a part of her that hesitated. She hadn't phased in over a year. She will break her streak, and then she'll have to restart it all over. Who knows how long turning human will take?
A thought occurred to her. Can she do it? Can she kill this leech without phasing? She'd been doing martial arts for about a year now. If she can take off its head...
Only one way to find out.
What if there's more than one of them?
She was frightened even as she took her stance.
The vampire laughed, mocking her with exaggerated kung fu moves.
Stay calm. You can kill it. We can kill it.
The vampire moved like a gust of wind. Leah's side hurt. She knew a rib or two was broken by the blow. He grabbed her by the neck, but she pushed down his arm and elbowed him in the face. She felt her bone break even as she push kicked him in the middle, away from her. He was surprised by her speed, but it didn't look like he felt her hits. Now, her elbow and side both hurt.
"Forget this," she muttered to herself. She was about to phase when the leech grabbed her by the throat. He didn't snap her neck immediately, wanting to taunt her first.
That was when she felt it. The familiar ripple, down her arm and to her finger tips. She felt the fingers of her unbroken left arm turn very warm. Almost instinctively, she shot an upper cut to the vampire's jaw but with her hand open. Her fingers went through his skin and mandible like they were made of butter. He let her go, startled. She took a step, twisted around, and bent forward, rolling him over her shoulder similar to a judo throw. His head came off with a disgusting pop, like a doll's, still stuck on her fingers.
Sloppy technique, but effective enough, I suppose. Leah can sense the dismissive shrug from the voice in her head.
She shook her hand until the head got dislodged. To her horror, the fingernails of her left hand were black and seemed to have grown two inches, with the tips sharp and pointed. They were like… like wolf nails. She let out a cry, surprised and frightened.
Burn it, first!
The voice was right, Leah told herself. She tamped down the panic, reaching into her pocket for the lighter that she still carried even though she's no longer part of a wolf pack that hunted highly flammable vampires. The head burst into flames. She tossed it into a nearby dumpster. She took the body and tossed it in as well. The flames rose, venom serving as fuel. She knew it would attract attention.
She had the presence of mind to grab her things, not wanting to leave anything that can be traced back to her. She looked at Helen who was still unconscious. She shook her gently to make sure she was alive. The old woman groaned. Leah grabbed her under her arms. She dropped Helen off to a nearby rectory, hung around until the door opened and the priest came out.
She shoved her hand into her jacket pocket, as she walked hurriedly away. Her fingernails still had not returned to normal, and she felt them tear through the fabric.
She began walking back to her apartment, but can't exactly walk through the door with her hand like this. She turned around. She had nowhere to go. She ducked down a street when a police car passed by. The last thing she needed was to get stopped and have to explain that she grew claws.
There really was only one place she can run to. And it would suck…
She began walking towards La Push, not trusting that she'll get away unnoticed if she rode a bus or a ride service. It took hours, but she made it.
It was very early in the morning, but there wasn't anyone at her house. There wasn't anyone at Jacob's house. She was annoyed in addition to panicked. She debated asking Old Quil or even Sam for help. She began dithering back and forth in the land between the rez and the Cullens' house.
She really had nowhere to go, and the realization hurt more than she thought it would.
A voice broke through, just as she began to wonder why no one was patrolling.
"Leah?" A tall figure walked out of the woods.
"Hey, puppy," she said, trying to smile at her brother.
"Are you back? You're back!" he rushed forward to hug her, pinning her arm in her jacket pocket where she still hid it.
"Hey… sorry I missed your birthday last year," she said awkwardly.
He brushed off the apology with a shake of his head. "We found out you were in Seattle, but figured you needed time away. We saw all your awards, and your name in the news. You're doing so great! But why did you leave without saying goodbye?"
She didn't reply, and her brother sobered.
"Dumb question. Of course, you left without saying goodbye."
Leah wanted to lighten the mood. She hadn't seen Seth in over a year. "How's high school?"
Before he could reply, Jacob comes running out of the treeline, followed closely by Edward the Prig, Bella the Narcissistic Wet Rag, and their kid.
"Leah," Jacob acknowledged her with a stiff nod. And Leah knew what kind of reception she would get.
"Done with your vacation? Figured you'd come back sooner or later."
Jacob had been upset when Leah left. He wanted to bring her back. He felt that she was ungrateful, after he took her into his pack when he didn't want to and even made her his beta. Of course, he hadn't told her about rejoining the packs, and that gave him pause. He told the others to let her be alone in the city for a while, thinking she'll get tired and lonely.
Instead the Cullens came to him with the news articles about her winning photography awards. It annoyed him. There was a piece inside of him that he didn't want to acknowledge. He was jealous that Leah, that hot mess, could make a success of herself outside of the rez whereas he was… stuck. In more ways than one.
It irked Leah that he would be so dismissive. Her year in Seattle had been better than she could have hoped, but there were tough times that she had to get through too. She got herself through. Alone. It was painful. But she persevered.
"The rest of us were working hard protecting the tribe and the imprints while you're off playing college girl in the city. The Volturi's out there. They could have taken you and used you against us, did that even occur to you?"
"Fuck off, Jacob!"
It blew her mind how much her former alpha had changed since imprinting. Pre-imprint Jacob would have been happy that she was getting her shit together. He wouldn't have cared that she left. He left for a while to sort himself out, too.
"I am not sorry for leaving! I will never be sorry! Your idea of protecting the rez is playing lap dogs to a family of tics, so yeah, playing college girl was so much more preferable!"
She didn't want this. She didn't come here to fight. She came here to ask for help.
Why was she always like this? Ever since she phased, whenever someone attacks her, she can't just back down and de-escalate. She always had to answer back. Insult to insult. Low blow to low blow. There's no 'If they go low, you go high' with Leah. When they go low, she goes straight down to the level of hell. It's why being in the pack was never going to work out for her. They were always going to be vulgar, egotistical boys, and she was going to be her. She could never just let things pass. And she could never let things go. She hated that she was this way.
"Her scent is gone…" Edward said, suddenly, interrupting whatever else Jacob and Leah wanted to shout at each other.
What type of creature are you?
The vampire Leah killed had asked her, she remembered. He sniffed the air, and asked. He didn't, couldn't, identify what she was.
"And I can't hear her…"
I will never let anyone find you.
The voice told her a year ago.
"What did you do to me?" Leah thought the question.
There was laughter. In the voice of her beloved grandmother.
My sweet girl.
Leah's heart sped up. Her hands felt cold.
She turned and began to walk away.
"Where are you going?" Jacob demanded.
"Leah? Leah, are you leaving again?" Seth asked, pleading for her to stay.
"Get away from me!" Leah snapped, and her brother looked crestfallen. She immediately felt awful. She was doing it again. Dragging Seth down with her.
But she also felt the beginnings of a panic attack. Her heart rate was beating faster and faster. She was starting to hyperventilate.
"What's wrong with you?" Jacob asked, hearing her heart rate and smelling her adrenaline. "You're in trouble, aren't you?" he asked, more gently.
"I'll figure it out myself, like I always do," Leah said, tersely. "It's what it means to be part of a pack. Being alone."
She took off. She heard Seth call out her name. Edward telling him to let her go. Of course, Seth would listen.
She ran far enough away, made sure she wasn't being followed. She found a tree with large roots to hide under. Heaving breaths forced air into her lungs. Her chest was tight and painful. She felt like she was dying. Was convinced she was dying. She made pained noises. Vomited bile.
She bit the inside of her cheek, her lip, her tongue. Trying to stop the noises she was making and the nausea. She tasted blood. It healed before it even stung.
The pain at her side and elbow were gone. Healed. Without needing the vamp doc to set the bones.
She shook like a leaf and was cold all over, even her shoe-clad feet. She hadn't felt cold since she phased. Briefly, irrationally, she wondered if this meant she was becoming human again. One look at the black, claw-like fingernails of her left hand dispelled that idea.
What is happening to me?
She curled up into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest. The part of her brain that was still working through the fog of fear, wondered when the panic attack will subside. If it will subside.
She hated being alone. But also didn't want anyone with her. She didn't trust the Cullens, or Jacob, or her mom, or the pack, or the Council. She'll just worry Seth, burden him.
So, alone she was. Waiting for the panic to pass.
But pass it does. It always does. Eventually.
Still hugging her knees to her chest, she held her deformed left hand in front of her, and tried to remember phasing back from wolf to human the first time. How it felt. It was difficult, learning to go from one form to another. But learn it she did.
She felt that warm ripple travelling from her core to her arm. She closed her eyes to focus on pushing that feeling to the tips of her fingers. When she opened them again, her claws were gone. She was back to normal.
"Normal," she scoffed at herself.
As Leah unfurled herself from her cocoon, a new determination to survive takes over. A realization that she could survive. Anything. No matter what. Even if she were alone. Because she's alone.
She has to.