CHAPTER 8

Easy on Me – Adele

On the topic of being an unreliable narrator of your own life, Bella was beginning to see the flaws of vampire life. She had been so, so young when she changed. Her immaturity showed in how she couldn't see past the glamour and beauty. Maybe she wasn't so different from other humans after all.

What did she think vampire life will be like? What was it that lured her to it? Edward, of course. She gets to spend an eternity with someone who will never stop loving her, unlike the way her parents stopped loving each other. She will never have to worry about cheating or divorce.

She had been doing some thinking. She certainly had the time to do a lot of it. She was rich enough to never need a job, and didn't need to worry about schoolwork. Turns out when your time is no longer broken down and allocated for meals, sleeping, school, or work, the days just blend together. She found it harder and harder to keep track of what day it was. Although, this never seemed to bother the Cullens. They had an endless list of activities to amuse and distract themselves.

Esme loved anything that was visually beautiful; painting, architecture, photography. As a human, she loved sharing this with the children she taught. Carlisle had medicine, of course. An interest that was discouraged when he was human, labeled witchcraft during those times. Edward had his music; his mother was his first teacher. Rosalie admitted that, aside from Emmett, living long enough to see women being allowed to study at university was one of the few perks of being a vampire. She had always wanted to study business and engineering, but hadn't been allowed to back in her day. Alice had no memory of her human life, but Jasper had always liked philosophy. Emmett had no interest in anything academic, but even as a human loved sports and any physical competitions.

And that was the first problem.

One of the things that she had admired about the Cullens when she was still human was their absolute excellence at everything. With picture perfect memory, they can learn any language, learn any skill, play any instrument. They were graceful and could do any dance or sport. Their voices make for the sweetest singing. They can speed through any book and recall the whole thing word for word.

But excellence doesn't equal interest. Any vampire can play the most beautiful piano piece from memory and have absolutely no feeling about the music at all.

Bella was turned before she could figure her interests out. What food did she like? Did she actually like the books she read? What movies did she like? What were her hobbies? What was she passionate about? What causes did she support?

Now that excellence had stripped away any effort needed to improve a skill, she found that all activities bored her.

So the days continued to blend in together. Day after day after day. She had no idea how to fill them.

Then there's the numbness. Why didn't anyone tell her about the numbness? For a human who was always cold, not being subject to weather and temperature seemed like a dream. For a human who was clumsy, not getting bruised so often was incredible. But not feeling the cold meant not feeling anything that was too gentle. She didn't feel the sun's warmth. She didn't feel raindrops, or the soft chill of morning dew. Cement had the same texture as butter. Mud felt the same as silk.

In her more honest moments, she can admit to herself that she had been envious of the beauty of the Cullens. They walked into the school cafeteria and everyone admired them. But teens are not the best judge of such things. They're like baby deer, not yet aware of the fact that there are things to be afraid of in the world. In time, Bella will learn that while humans are attracted to beauty, most are wary of perfection. As an unreliable narrator, she thought humans admired the Cullens' beauty as she did. Only now did she notice that humans avoided them as much as they possibly can. Like how a prey can be mesmerized by a predator, but still feel the instinctive fear.

Then there's university. Whatever flaws she may have had, she had always liked studying. One of the best things about being ageless and immortal was that she can study multiple things at university. It didn't matter that she was skipping Dartmouth because she was a newborn vampire and a new mother. She could go anytime.

Apparently not.

After the unfortunate college tour incident where the six of them went viral on social media, they decided to wait a few years before trying again. This also gave Bella time to master her thirst, with some real control this time, not the seemingly mystical ability induced by stress.

But not long after the semester started, they had to drop out.

Rank who's the hottest!

Whoa! Did Bella get her face done? I knew it! I knew the Cullens all had plastic surgery!

I am so confused. Didn't they all go away to college after we graduated from Forks? Are they ALL in grad school?

Social media struck again. Pictures of them began circulating. There were modeling agencies who wanted to get in touch with them. They would have been featured on talk shows if Carlisle hadn't pulled strings. Jasper downed the platforms again.

Rosalie became so surprisingly gentle towards Bella after she turned. Perhaps because she knew that, with time, Bella will come to understand the gravity of her decision. And the finality of it.

"We always adjust to humans and whatever technology they develop. Personal cameras took us by surprise, you know. At first they seemed like fun little things, but we realized quickly that our photos can't ever fall into someone else's hands. And now with the internet… well, we can go to college after a few decades when everyone who knew us in Forks will be either too old or dead."

She meant it to be comforting, but Bella didn't want a few decades. She wanted her university experience. She was looking forward to a lot of things about vampirism. Getting to study multiple things, especially now that she was no longer an embarrassing human, was one of the ones she wanted the most. She was beginning to feel cheated.

Then, Renesmee.

It was great, having a child that didn't need diaper changes. She didn't need to be potty trained, didn't need to be taught how to read, didn't need anything. Bella learned quickly that if your child didn't need you for those simple things, she won't need you for any other thing. If she didn't need you in those early years, she won't need you when time passes.

And time passed so quickly.

Soon, Renesmee was the same age as her mother and father physically. She refused to call them Mom and Dad, referring to them by their first names. They'll fit in better, humans who overhear won't think it's weird, that was the excuse. The one time Bella tried to protest, Renesmee said outright, "You call your dad 'Charlie' when he's not around." She said this in front of Charlie, of course.

Edward agreed. Edward always agreed with Renesmee. Or at least that's how it seemed to Bella. When their daughter would push boundaries or say something rude, Edward would chuckle. Rosalie and Esme did more disciplining than Edward. Jasper, who remained distant for the most part, called Renesmee out more often than her own father. Why Edward acted like this, Bella can't begin to understand.

Edward only said that Renesmee's feelings were valid. They were always huddled together whispering, then quieting down when Bella enters the room.

How did their relationship turn out like this? Renesmee had been a devoted daughter, the guilt over her painful birth made her so loving and grateful. When did that change?

When Carlisle recommended putting Renesmee into school, Bella had her doubts, but she eventually came around. After all, whatever faults Renesmee had, she was still beautiful and could pass as a human better. She had the best qualities of both human and vampire. She could walk into any school and be the most popular, prettiest, smartest, most talented girl there without any effort at all. Bella couldn't wait to hear other people praising her daughter, how amazing and unique she is.

But Renesmee shot down that idea. She made it clear that she had no interest in broadening her social circle. In fact, she was downright hostile towards the plan.

Jacob went along with it. Why wouldn't he? Edward went along with it. There they go, whispering in the corners again. Rosalie and Esme put in a word. But in the end, Renesmee got her way. No school.

Renesmee grew so very quickly, mastering skills with ease like a vampire. At a few months old, she learned classical music on multiple instruments. She was as graceful a dancer as any ballerina. She had read great literature in different languages and could quote long poetry from memory. No effort was ever needed.

So, it came as a surprise to all when her intellectual mastery didn't quite match her emotional maturity. She was rude and abrupt in her speech. She was awkward, misunderstanding social cues. Edward and Carlisle, frustratingly, brushed this aside. "It takes time to learn these things." But any attempt to correct her behavior will result in the girl reciting verbatim from some book she read that supported her point. When interacting with people outside their family, those few times that they do so, Renesmee demonstrates little understanding of nuances, misunderstanding jokes or comments.

The Cullens and Seth, attempting to be nice, will cover. Jacob will laugh like these public missteps are the funniest things he's ever heard of. Bella didn't find them funny. She was embarrassed, reminded of her own awkwardness back when she was human.

Her perfect, beautiful, talented daughter was awkward, rude, and insensitive. To an unknowing human, she would seem developmentally delayed at best, spoiled and cruel at worst.