Chapter 76
To The Very Last

Friday…

"Are you going to be okay? I won't be long," Abigail told Maya.

"Go ahead, we're good, really," Maya nodded. Her stepmother nodded back, standing by the door for a moment, looking at Kermit lying in his new bed before finally stepping off into the hospital hallway. Maya watched her go before turning back to her father, who was now attempting to raise up the bed's top side so he'd be in a more seated position. "Here," Maya found the buttons at once and pressed the arrow. With a noted drone, the top of the bed slowly lifted up. "Tell me when, yeah?" When he lifted his hand, she let the button go and moved to adjust his pillows. She could tell that her father did not like his current predicament, much as he was forced to quietly bear it. "It's not that bad, right?" she commented, looking around the room. It was relatively small, but not so much as to feel cramped. At least he had the room to himself.

All Maya could do was try and make him feel better, and she didn't get why she tried so hard. How was she ever supposed to sell him on this, on the room where he would likely die. These would be the last four walls to hold him and they were a bland sort of color, with little in the way of furnishing except hospital equipment, and a television, and two frames holding what felt like the most basic and uninteresting paintings of some forest or another. She didn't know what she expected, or what a room like this was supposed to look like in her mind, but this felt just so discouraging.

"Do you think they'll say anything if we redecorate a bit?" Maya turned back to her father. His lips actually curved in a smile, and that was all she needed. "What do you think? I can bring some photos, some of my artwork, and Sam's, the other kids', too. Maybe some flowers to brighten things up?"

He gave her a look and she took it to mean 'I trust you to make the call.'

"I'll get right on that, tomorrow morning," Maya promised with a decisive tip of the head. Kermit lifted his hand out to her and she approached him, took his hand. Now his look said something else, something she could also interpret with ease. He wondered if she intended to be here every day, because if she did, well… "Dad… Where else would you have me be right now?" she told him. His face quivered under a barely contained wave of emotion, like part of him still couldn't believe that, for all the years he hadn't been with her, she would be here now, seeing him to the end of his days. She responded to this by carefully leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his forehead. The past was the past, and she was right where she was supposed to be, because she loved him with all her heart. "Should we see what channels you've got on that thing?" she asked, nodding to the television. Kermit agreed.

X

Saturday…

"Is that your drawing?" Lucas asked Wyatt as he spotted the piece of paper the boy held so securely in his arms as they went up the hospital hall. Rather than to have the kids spend the entire day out here, they'd stayed home with their grandmother until after lunch, when Lucas had left Maya and her stepmother at the hospital, stopped home to check on Elliott and Pappy Joe, and then went to bring the Harts to visit Kermit.

This would be the first time the kids saw their father since the previous morning, and for it to be here… Maya had told Abigail about her decorating idea the day before, and when he'd picked up the Harts, Lucas had noticed all of them carried some contribution to the effort. Of all of them though, it was hard for Lucas not to focus on Wyatt, seeing his own son in the small boy. He carried that sheet of paper with so much importance, and Lucas felt a restless sympathy going out to him.

"I made our house," Wyatt told him, never releasing the drawing to show him. "There's Grandma's flowers in front, and all of us, and a dog."

"Where'd the dog come from?" Lucas smiled at him. Wyatt shrugged. "Does it have a name?"

"Davey… or Champ," the boy replied.

"Good choices," Lucas nodded. He was processing what was happening around him, that much was clear, but what worried his mother, his grandmother, and his big sister, was what would happen once it really hit him, once Kermit was gone.

Looking at the rest of them, Lucas could see a whole different story than their young brother's. Cara looked like the closer she got to the room, the faster her heart was beating in her chest, and it was throwing her off balance. She was holding her younger sister's hand as they went, and much as it wasn't for her own benefit, in the end, it sort of was.

Eliza had been keeping close to Cara's side ever since Lucas had picked them all up from home. She'd held her hand all the way here in the car, and all the way from the parking lot into the hospital and up to here. There was no telling what she was thinking, and the way she carried herself, it felt as though someone had come and stolen the voice out of her.

And then Sam… Lucas just wanted to pull him aside, tell him to breathe, to just allow himself to feel whatever had to be brewing in his head and heart instead of putting on that solid front for his younger siblings, as though it had in some way reduced in any way the anguish they felt. It was happening to him, too, but he wasn't letting himself admit it. The others went first.

Finally, they were there, in the room, and for remembering what it had looked like when he and Maya had first shown up that morning, Lucas could think maybe the added brightness, added colors, would be good for the kids, too, to make it all not look so disheartening.

X

Sunday…

"Not so much candy, I mean it!" Luna called after her daughters, the girls dashing off to the vending machines with the money she'd just given them. "It's just going to be chocolate, chocolate, chocolate," she sighed, sitting back in her chair as she looked to her niece.

Luna had asked Maya to come down to the cafeteria with the three of them. Maya knew it wasn't just about tagging along. Her aunt wanted to get her out of that room, if for a few minutes, to take a breath, to recharge.

"Maybe they'll give us some," Maya smiled, watching her cousins pointing at one item or another inside the vending machine. "This kid's got me craving just… so much sweet stuff," she admitted. Luna gave a sympathetic chuckle.

"You're almost there," she nodded to her belly, and Maya set her hand over her bump, thinking of this child, just weeks from being in her arms, not just 'the little creature who kicks and moves around' but her actual new son or daughter.

The closer they got, in the middle of… all of this… the more she realized how genuinely scared she was of messing up the start of his or her life, with everything that was going on, and how she would cope after Kermit…

"Sometimes I wish it came… like right now, just to know that my father had a chance to see his grandchild before…" It was a hard enough thing to share, but then she'd look over, recalling the fact that Luna was about to lose her brother. They just got caught in this loop of knowing very well how this whole thing would end while at the same time going around like if they didn't actually say the words then it wouldn't be real.

"It might actually be better, for you two and Kermit, if you didn't," Luna pointed out, stealing a look back to check on her girls. "You've still got a good seven weeks to go, and anyway, would you really want to be looking after a newborn right now?"

Maya let out a breath, finding an unexpected sniffle on the end of it. There was just no right way out of this. Luna reached out and squeezed her hand, and Maya squeezed back. She was really glad to have her aunt here, more than she could say. She wished more than ever that they didn't have to be united for this reason, and then and there she made a commitment to somehow increase the number of times they saw one another in the future.

X

Monday…

Lucas had been certain he'd have to fight harder to convince Maya to take the morning off, to stay home and relax, spend some time with Elliott… But then she had learned her lesson from that night when they'd ended up at the hospital, thinking there was something wrong with the Bee. In compromise, he was at least able to balance this out by taking her spot by her father's bedside for a few hours before he had to get to class.

So, here he was, in the hospital, sitting with Kermit Hart. There hadn't been so many moments where he found himself alone, one-on-one with his wife's birth father, and now… well, it would probably be the last, wouldn't it? He thought about the secret they shared, how he'd told the dying man about his unborn grandson and allowed him to select his name. Other than that sealed envelope, his future son's name existed nowhere but in the silent man's mind. Sometimes he would look at him, and Lucas could read in his eyes the thoughts he must have had of this child he would never meet, who he'd come so close to but never actually…

"Sam?" Lucas blinked when he spotted the boy's face, for a split second before he ducked out of sight again. Kermit turned at the sound of his eldest son's name, while Lucas moved around the bed and into the hall, catching up with the fast retreating figure. "Hey, hey," Lucas stopped him and Sam turned around. He was supposed to be in school right now, like the rest of his siblings. There had been a thought of pulling them all out of class, feeling that it would do them no good with everything going on, but when presented with the choice they had all chosen school. Now, Sam was here, and it would have been easy to say 'what are you doing here, you're supposed to be in school,' but then the question did not require an answer, did it? What else could he be doing here? Lucas let out a sigh. "Come on," he led him back up the hall and toward his father's room. When they got there, Sam set his bag down and went up to Kermit's bedside.

Without words to share, Kermit just took hold of his son's hand, held his gaze. He was glad to have him here. No one was about to fault him for skipping class to be at his dying father's side.

"Why did you tell your mother you'd go if you…" Lucas asked him, later on, when Kermit had dozed off.

"I did go," Sam told him. "I got there, but as soon as I did, I just wanted to be here, so… I came." He looked down for a moment. "I wish I didn't have to tell my mom. I don't want her to have to worry. There's already a lot, and I'm not…"

"Sam, hey… You matter, too," Lucas told him. "You're her kid, too, not just your sisters and your brother."

X

Tuesday…

"Hey…" Maya blinked, when she woke up and opened her eyes to find she was sitting up on the long chair one of the nurses had managed to get brought into the room, which had been necessary in the long hours she spent here. She must have fallen asleep, though she couldn't say when. All she did know was that the one who had awakened her was her little sister. "Think you're able to scoot up here with me?" she asked, moving as best she could to the outermost edge of the padded chair, and Eliza squeezed in next to her, as Maya closed her arms around her.

If she was here, then so were the other kids, and if they were here, then it was late afternoon, after they'd finished school. Even as Maya cuddled her sister, she could look over and see the others. Sam and Cara were both looking at their father as he slept in his bed, while Wyatt stood behind his brother, almost gripping his leg. When Sam looked down at him, Wyatt pronounced that he was hungry, so the older boy at once volunteered himself to go and get something for all of them from the cafeteria.

"Come here," Maya called quietly to the four-year-old boy, who dashed up at once, stopping there while Eliza sat up again. With the way cleared, Wyatt took an extra couple steps over and patted his pregnant sister's belly in greeting to his future niece or nephew.

"Is he going to wake up soon?" Cara asked, approaching while stealing looks to their father.

"Probably not until they come around with his dinner," Maya replied. Whether or not he'd eat much of it remained to be seen. He'd barely eaten anything at lunch, and neither Maya nor her grandmother failed to notice it. "Why don't we go and join Sam downstairs?"

"I want to stay with Daddy," Wyatt declared. Eliza said nothing, but the look in her eyes suggested she'd rather stay here, too. Only Cara really gave the impression that she would have liked to go somewhere else, much as it pained her to admit it.

"Okay, but he's sleeping, so we need to be quiet, yeah?" Maya told the kids, to which they nodded. "Would you like to draw something new for him?" she suggested, and Wyatt and Eliza both said yes. Eliza herself went and found the paper and the markers, which they kept here for such occasions. "I really need to stretch my legs for a minute," Maya got up, just as Abigail came back in from checking in with the nurses when she'd arrived with the kids. "Want to come with?" she looked to Cara, and her sister followed at once.

Even the hallway made them feel uneasy, and as they went Cara looped her arm with her big sister, who found her hand and squeezed it with her own. No words needed, comfort was exchanged between them. It was not easy for any of them, whether they were here almost all day or whether they ended up here at the end of the day, for a brief and troubling visit.

X

Wednesday…

"Would it be terrible of me if I brought the kids over after dinner?" Abigail asked Maya when she called her at lunch time.

"Not at all," Maya assured her at once.

"I just think it would be important for them to have one dinner at home, or maybe at a restaurant and not…"

"The hospital cafeteria?"

"I can pick you up, you and Elizabeth, it's too much already. She's not getting any younger, and you…"

"Abigail, I'm alright," Maya cut in, feeling her stepmother's concerns vibrating through her phone. She knew she felt bad for being at work, for leaving the rest of them to keep an eye on Kermit the way they did, even as she would get caught between wanting to enable her children to see their father while they could and believing that they shouldn't have to spend all their evenings here. "Take them to Ma Maggie's or something," Maya suggested. "Take your time."

Abigail let out a breath, falling silent for a few seconds where Maya could imagine her at her desk, trying to keep it together. Maya let her have her moment, quietly following the baby's motions as she sat back in her comfy chair. Kermit was sleeping, after another bit of lunch failure. Every day, it really got to feel as though he was wasting away more and more.

"You should take a day off over the weekend," Abigail finally spoke again.

"I'm okay here," Maya insisted, politely. It was a daily suggestion, many times over. By now, it practically rolled off of her. Besides, whether she said it in so many words or not, the plain truth was that she couldn't bear to take a day off. What if the one day she didn't show up was the one where… "Anyway, it's easier to bring Elliott over on the weekends."

That was one of the hardest parts of this, naturally. For having spent so much of her son's ten and a half months with him, these long stretches of hours without him were just not something she was used to. It brought out memories of earlier days, where the very idea of leaving him behind would send her up in a panic. Those tendencies had faded over time, but it didn't mean there wasn't still a part of her that felt uneasy over being away from him.

After getting off the phone with her stepmother, Maya got up from her chair, went to check on her father. He was awake now, and she had to wonder how long he had been that way, if he had been listening in to her side of the conversation.

"Don't you start on me, too," she gave him a look, reflexively checking on his pillows. He lifted his hand, his promise that he wouldn't. "Good," she smiled at him.

X

Thursday…

By now, Maya and her grandmother had something of a routine down for how these days would be broken down. They both knew that breaks were essential, regardless of the reason. And they allowed themselves a joint lunch downstairs, where they would be joined by a couple Friar men. Pappy Joe had become part of that routine, too. He would bring Elliott over and the four of them would eat together. Whether it had really sunk in to him that his mother wasn't around so much these days, they couldn't say, but oh if he wasn't the happiest guy when he saw her… Maya had no chance of keeping from crying when she got to hold her boy in her arms and saw that smile on his face.

She'd just come back up to the room now, after seeing Elliott and Pappy Joe off. Her grandmother had already returned, and she was silently standing by her son's bed, holding one of his hands in both of hers. She was speaking to him, so softly as to be inaudible, but the feeling in her was palpable. Every day that Kermit was still with them now felt like a gift, as surely as they went in each day believing it might be the one where he left them.

Maya couldn't even begin to imagine what her grandmother was feeling, watching her son on his deathbed. All these years they had missed together… Maya had missed plenty of those, too, but it hadn't been the same thing, had it? She couldn't have prevented it, but her grandmother…

"Do you want a coffee? Tea?" Maya asked, when Elizabeth stepped back and found her there. She breathed, her expression recalibrating for her granddaughter.

"I've got everything I need," she promised, moving toward her. She embraced her, and Maya was all too glad to lean into it.

"How about a game then?" she suggested. "We're due for a rematch." Elizabeth laughed, pulling back to look at her and hold her face in her hands. As important as it was to her to be here with Kermit, not to miss out on this last stretch of time, it was also just so, so important for her to be present for her grandchildren, after missing so much of their lives up to last year… not even a year ago…

"You must have gotten those card shark skills from me. Back when I lived in New York, the ladies from our church used to get this look when we had our games. They knew they had no chance around me," Elizabeth Hart smirked, and Maya bit back a laugh. It was with moments like these that she felt more grateful, too, to have her grandmother in her life, just as she did, at long last.

X

Friday…

"We're just going to wait out here for a minute while the doctor is with grandpa, and then you can show him how close you're getting to walking, huh?" Maya smiled to Elliott as she held him, standing out in the hallway. She didn't know how to feel about how easy it was now to keep a completely convincing cheerful tone for her son's sake, when all the while she had nothing but dread for whatever was going on inside her father's room. Today had felt different, right from the start, when she'd shown up and learned how close they'd been to losing him for a few minutes in the middle of the night.

She heard a noise and thought it might have been Pappy Joe, coming back around from the bathroom. Except it wasn't Lucas' grandfather at all. It was hers.

She hadn't seen him, not since that one day at the Hunter Hart house about a year ago, but the man who stood before her now, supported on a cane, felt as though he had aged a good ten years. The look on his face was hard to describe. It wasn't so much as it had been the last time she'd seen him, when he had been telegraphing little more than 'I don't want to be here,' though it wasn't exactly a smile either. She might have called this one 'I don't know why I'm here.' Except of course Maya knew why, or she knew what had started him on the path to the why. Kermit's notes, his letters, which had been dropped into the mail, bound for him, a week ago.

"Hello," Maya finally spoke, after several seconds of silence between them. If not for Elliott being in her arms, she didn't know how she would have known to stand. Her grandfather was looking at the carefree boy, his great grandson, and maybe it reminded him of his own son, so long ago. "I wasn't sure you'd come."

"I'm not sure why I did either," Charles Hart spoke, and Maya had forgotten how much he sounded like his son. Kermit had not been able to speak for so long now that to hear his voice again, out of this man…

After getting over the shock of the voice, the words… She took them to mean that he knew very well how few if any of the people surrounding Kermit in these final days would even want him around. Whether this inspired any amount of sympathy in her, Maya could not say. The man would have to do a lot more to climb anywhere near her good graces, but at the same time… He'd come all this way, without subterfuge this time, and without any expectations. He'd come. So whether or not he would have any place in any of their lives after today, she couldn't turn him away, couldn't be anything but welcoming.

"Doctor's with him now, but you can go and see him after," she told him. Charles nodded. "This is Elliott," she looked to her son, absently brushed at his hair. Her grandfather slowly stepped forward, finding himself in Elliott's line of sight. He held out his hand, presenting one finger to the boy, who looked at him and soon reached back, grasped on.

"Hello there," Charles tipped his head to him, showing the first thing Maya had seen off of him that looked like a smile.

X

Saturday…

"I feel bad for asking but how did it go?" Shawn asked. They were out in the hallway, Lucas and him, in what felt like a match of 'son swap.' Shawn had Elliott in his lap, while Lucas had baby Alex. Next to them, the twins were quietly flipping through the pages of a colorful book together, while MJ just looked around the hospital hall with curious eyes. Katy and Maya were in the room, with Kermit.

"According to Maya, it went okay, I think," Lucas reported. After the last encounter between the senior Harts, which had happened in his own home, it was no wonder Shawn was curious about how the former couple's reunion had gone. "Her grandmother didn't speak a whole lot, but she told her later how it was either that or go off on him, which she couldn't do here. He stayed all afternoon though, and he was still there when Abigail showed up with the kids."

It was the first time Charles Hart met his daughter-in-law, or any of his younger grandchildren. Lucas had been there for that part, and to see them all… Each one of them had their own frame of reference, and their own ability to respond. Sam and Cara had maintained a polite but distant front. Eliza had been uncertain the whole way, but generally followed her older siblings' lead, and Wyatt… Wyatt was just mystified by this man who spoke with his father's voice. Abigail had been the picture of courtesy, but no one could mistake this for her being in any way ignorant of what this man represented in her husband's life.

"Is he still in town?" Shawn asked.

"At a hotel, yeah," Lucas nodded. They looked through the open door, to their wives, standing around that bed. Maybe Charles Hart had seen the same thing they saw when he'd stood in their place the day before. It wouldn't be long now, not long at all.

In the room, Maya couldn't put into words what it felt like to be standing here, with her mother and her father both, for what was likely to be the last time. Katy remained quiet, but her eyes looked to overflow with words unspoken. Here was the man who had been her first great love. It didn't matter how it had ended right here and now. This man had been her husband, had given her a daughter who had been her whole world through good times and bad. They had found their way back into something like friendship, through strange circumstances, and now she was saying her goodbyes.

"You okay?" Maya asked her when they finally moved to leave the room.

"I don't know if 'okay' can even be a thing right now," Katy shook her head. Passing through the door, finding her husband, her son-in-law, her other children and her grandson, she was able to take a breath again, turning a nod to her daughter. "I will be."

X

Sunday…

This was the day. This would be the day when their father died. Maya knew it, the moment she and Lucas walked into the room that morning. Sam knew it, and Cara, and maybe Eliza, and in some way maybe even Wyatt. It was impossible to explain what it was that told them this, but there was no doubt, and the day felt so unwaveringly silent, devoid of sound. All their days, since Kermit had been brought here, had felt like a waiting game, but this time, this wait… This was the hardest one. All Maya could think was that she didn't have enough arms to hold all those who needed holding, while at the same time one of those people was herself.

When Kermit went, there was little to denote his passing save for monitors, and the arrival of a nurse, and the doctor… Maya had been sitting between her grandmother and her aunt, and she looked to the bed, to her father's face, and he felt gone, he… he wasn't himself anymore, there was just…

The baby was kicking, and Maya breathed, her hands moving one over and one under her belly as she closed her eyes for a moment. Her mind felt empty, vacated, and she might have floated away if not for this feeling, this tether to the world. This was the one thing she had to hold on to in this instant, as the reality of her father's death settled in like an ugly beast who had been stalking and skulking around for days, weeks, months. She had a feeling the next few days were going to feel very much like this, like so much static noise between her ears so long as she didn't concentrate on the people around her, the people who'd need her, who she'd need in return.

She didn't feel when the space next to her became available, but then there was Lucas, at her side, and she slipped into his waiting arms. He held on to her, his warmth enveloping her, another bond to life which she clung to. She didn't cry, not here or now, but it would come, she knew it would, and when it did… when it did, she would need him with her, just like this. Right now, everything was still too fresh. It was real, and it did feel real, but not all the way. How could it not? They were here, with him, they had been, but now… But now…

That night, back home, when all had been said and done, all Maya could think to do was to sit with her son, in the nursery, under her father's tree, and sing Elliott the lullaby composed by Kermit Hart, as he'd once held his baby girl until she slept.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you next week! - mooners