CHAPTER 19

Demon Woman – Flight of the Conchords

Leah was fuming. This early in the morning, that was unusual. It usually took her until mid-day before she found something to annoy her. But maybe some exception could be made? She found out last night that they will be staying in a villa owned by the Volturi. She pointed out that she could make her own arrangements, but was shot down. The Spirit felt unsettled by the fact that Leah was closely surrounded by many creatures she didn't trust, and basically kept her on alert for any attack. In other words, she couldn't get enough sleep.

And now, she was being followed everywhere. She left the house before Seth woke up. Four Volturi guards that walked enough distance behind her to imply to humans that they weren't together, but close enough that they can be next to her in less than half of a second.

This charade was annoying. It was wreaking havoc on her anxiety. She tried to cope by flattering herself that they felt her intimidating enough to assign four Guards to her, but really she just wanted to get breakfast and a nice cup of coffee somewhere. She needed peace to gather her mind. Plus, she was starving.

She glanced back at them as she took a sip of her coffee, and accidentally made eye contact with the tracker. He dipped his chin, politely acknowledging her. She snubbed him, turning her chin sharply in another direction. Bloodsuckers and their politeness. It riled her even more. Nothing that ate people should have good manners.

Leah was working on the whole not caring thing when her phone rang. She answered with a terse 'Hello', and Jacob was on the other line.

Great.

"Leah, hey… do you think a sedan is large enough for your party?"

It took her a moment to process… "Da fuck," she replied, annoyed.

"I mean, we can get you a motorcycle but a car is better, if you want to drive others with you." He said the last three words slowly.

The vampires following her were close enough to hear. The ones guarding the Cullens could probably hear them, too. Of course. What would be the point of following them if they can't keep them from conspiring?

Leah hated her fucking life in that moment. Just what she needed. She's in the middle of Vamp Land, and the people that were supposed to be her allies in a fight were fucking morons.

"Are you trying to talk code to me right now, Jacob? You're so brilliant! No one would ever figure that out!"

There was a snicker. Probably the big vamp.

Jacob sighed on the other end. "Why are you always so rude, Leah?"

"It comforts me."

That caused a loud guffaw.

Jacob took a deep breath before speaking again. "Is there anyone with you?"

"Yes! Of course! They're always following, always around, always listening. Or do you want me to put that in code? I have four tics stuck on my tail. Should I sit or shake?"

There was the shuffling sound of the phone being passed. "I can't talk to her. Here."

"Lee? Hey, it's me," her brother's soft voice came on the other end. She sighed, trying to tamp down her annoyance.

"So, uh, who's with you?" At least Seth's not trying code.

"How should I know? I'm not on first name basis with these mosquitoes." Actually, she knew all their names. She studied the known Volturi members and their abilities. But she couldn't resist the urge to insult them and kill their snickering. Especially after they ruined her morning.

Seth sighed, "Can you give a description?"

It was Leah's turn to sigh. There was a lot of frustrated sighing. Why was it important who's following whom? It's not going to reveal some grand insight into a greater strategy considering there were a lot of new Guards Carlisle had never met. They can't know their enemies' strategies, if they don't know their enemies.

Still, it was Seth asking her.

"I got Vamp Hulk."

"Felix," Edward's annoying voice could be heard near her brother.

"There's one dressed like Kim Kardashian."

"Heidi!" Alice piped up on the other line. They sounded like they're enjoying this.

"There's one who looks like her hair inspo was Dora the Explorer."

There was silence on the other end before Carlisle says, "Renata." He sounded apologetic, not wanting to participate in insulting the Guard with the chin-length black hair.

"Who's the fourth?" Seth asked.

"… the other guy," Leah said, sounding bored.

"…huh?"

"The one from back in the house," Leah meant the Cullen house.

"There were lots at the house, Lee," Seth meant the villa.

" It's… the guy. You know. The one who's always around."

"….What does he look like?"

"He doesn't really have any distinguishing characteristics…" She thought she saw the vamp in question grit his teeth. For some reason, she liked that he was annoyed. "Tall, pale, brunette…"

"That narrows it down to ninety percent of the Guard," Emmett said, sounding like he was definitely enjoying this.

"Damian? Dietrich? Darius?... Damian!" Leah exclaimed the last name proudly.

"You said Damian twice, Lee…"

"They don't have a Damian," Edward said. "She must mean Demetri."

"Well, I was close. Anything else?" Leah said, sounding bored again.

"Come back to the villa. You shouldn't be wandering by yourself."

"What am I, a stray cat? Fine. I'll be back in a few."

She paid her tab, and got up. Her 'escort' began following her. To her surprise, the big guy approached her.

"Buongiorno, lupa bellisima," he said cheerfully.

Ugh. Now, I also have to put up with this. Will this nightmare never end?

He smiled at her, trying to be charming. "We have not been properly introduced…"

"That's fine." Leah cut him off before he could introduce himself. She walked around him towards the direction of the house, his hand still suspended in mid-air.

The walk back to the villa was a brisk walk, pushing human speed at its limit.

When she arrives, the vampires were (obviously) awake. She had snuck out without saying anything.

"Leah, I made breakfast for you. Seth and Jacob already started," Mom Vamp said, hesitantly approaching her. "I made a vegetarian quiche, but I can make you an omelette, if you like. It'll only take a moment."

"I already ate," Leah said tersely, before running upstairs to her room.

Esme looked crestfallen. Bella gritted her teeth thinking to herself, There she goes again. Horrible, bitter, mean person.

Leah got up to her room, and knew immediately that something was wrong. The counter in her en suite bathroom had makeup on it, vegan brands that she used regularly. There were the unscented bars of shampoo and soap that she orders online from a sustainable maker. She walked to her wardrobe, and there were her clothes. At least the ones she ordered recently but with none of the alterations she made herself. Also missing were the ones she bought from thrift shops and handmade jewelry.

"They came while you were out," Alice was standing in the doorway that she had left open. "The human secretaries. I hung them up myself, because I didn't think you would like so many people touching your things and being in your room."

Leah stared blankly at her.

Alice nervously continued, speaking too quickly, "I arranged by type of clothing, then sleeve length for the tops, skirts together, then by color."

Leah stepped forward, and closed the door in her face.

Ten years ago, these would have gotten thrown out the window, like she threw the clothes Esme prepared for her back when they were waiting for the Volturi to come for their heads. Now? If the leeches want to spend their money on her, she will happily let them.

Growth. That's what she considers this.

Just minutes later, she was downstairs dressed appropriately like a human in the light Italian autumn: wide leg jeans and a burgundy velvet cropped bustier. A lightweight coat covering her. Her hair in a high ponytail, curtain bangs framing her made up face.

Felix whistled.

Rosalie sneered, "Nice shoes. Plastic?" Both Leah's purse and boots were made from vegan leather.

"Thanks! I'm glad you hate them!" Leah said cheerfully, making Rosalie scowl.

"You know, back in the day, that top would be considered underthings," Felix commented.

"Back in your day, dinosaurs still roamed the earth," Leah shot back.

Felix laughed loudly.

"I think you look great! I really like how you pull the whole look together with your accessories," Alice complimented her, referring to the multiple bracelets, pendants, and rings that Leah seemed to wear everyday.

Leah ignored her, pretending not to hear.

"My wife paid you a compliment, I believe," Jasper said. Leah ignored him, too. Alice put a hand on his arm, quietly stopping him.

"It is quite sunny outside. It would be best to wait…" Demetri spoke. He quietly observed the dynamic between the she-wolf and the others. (And yes, that top should be considered underwear, but that's not his focus at the moment. It's just a thought).

"Aw, so sad," Leah said flatly, grabbing Seth's arm and dragging him to the door. "Let's go, Spiderman!"