Anthony carried his wife upstairs towards the room he was staying in.
By the time they reached their destination his shirt was drenched because Kathani was sobbing inconsolably so much that she was gasping for air and when he noticing the signs of panic attack he quickly closed the door and led her straight towards the balcony.
There he gently placed her on her feet and pulled her in his embrace as she tried to get her breathing in control.
Kathani was not aware where she was or how she got there but as she found herself underneath a starlight sky she knew she was safe in her Anthony's arms.
He watched as she slowly lifted her face and stared at him through her tear filled. She kept gazing at his face for something before she shook her head and tried to move away as she said in a broken voice. "Please! stop looking at me like this!"
"Like what?" He asks gently as he wipes her tears but she stepped away from his touch and clutched his coat tightly to cover herself. "Like you pitied me! Like all you seeing is a broken object you wanted to fix!"
Anthony sighed sadly. He tried to touch her again only for her to squirm away as she asked. "Why are you still here?!" He looked confused by the sudden change of her tone because now she sounded vexed by his presence. "Where else would I be?"
"Anyplace but here!" She snapped angrily as she glared at him. "You saw the prove of what happened to me! You heard all the things those monsters did to me! How can you still stare at me with anything but disgust after that?! I am not the girl you used to know! I am not the woman you thought I was! This is my true identity! I am a whore! A thief! An Impostor! An abductor! A murder!"
She catches her breath as she stared away. "I killed my own child! I lied to everyone and what is even worse is that I have deceived you ever since we met again."
"And how did you deceive me?" Anthony's hard voice reached her ears, making her head hung in shame as she admitted. "I seduced you Anthony. Meeting you again was never part of my plans. In fact while we were researching last year I told everyone to stay clear of you but all that changed when we met again."
She looked extremely guilty as she confessed tearfully. "I selfishly coveted you from any woman of this ton that deserves to be your wife. At first I thought having a small affair with you would be enough for me but the more I spent time with you the more I wanted you to be mine."
Her eyes got hard as she confessed further. "I was going to leave you after I found out about uncle Edmund's death. I did left you when I left to find Uncle Timothy but then you and Simon arrived there and Philip found out that you two along with Benedict and Colin are now on same path that ruined lives of my Appa, uncle Edmund and Uncle Timothy and I, I couldn't..." She took a huge breath and then broke down into fresh tears.
Finally understanding dawn on Anthony as he realized what Kathani did next. He didn't care about her protest as he grabbed her and crushed her against in his arms.
"I am so sorry!" His Kathani sobbed while clutching his body tightly against her.
"If only you could see what is in my heart, you would realise how unnecessary your apologise are." He finally said, making her look at him.
"You said you became selfish when you started that affair with me? Well let me tell you something Kathani Sharma, I was equally selfish as you because the moment I saw you, I knew in my heart that I would have to have you. You are talking about seducing me? Well let me confess that I would have seduced you too, that's how much you have power over me."
Kathani gasped as he pulled her closer. "You think I pitied you? But how can I pity the most strongest, the bravest woman of my existence! I envied you Kathani Bridgerton because while I have lost all hope of seeing you again, you on the other hand survived those monsters. You literally went to hell and returned to me facing all these dangers and hardships that I could not even imagine."
"You cannot say those things to me!" She cried. "You cannot make me a hero of this story when the truth is my heart is darkened like those monsters."
But Anthony shook his head as he gently cupped her face. "If your heart was darkened then those people down there would never be loyal to you. You protected everyone in this house! You took a bullet that day when you were chasing Herbert. It is because of you many of us got avenged, whose lives were destroyed by Welsh, Herbert, Crane, Smith and Sheffield and I can bet that everyone in this house is ready to take arms against Victor to fight this war beside you."
At this her eyes turned horrified as she clutched his shirt. "No! I would not allow you anyplace near Victor!"
"You cannot stop me Kathani for tearing that monster apart! After all the horrible crimes he did to you! To our family! Kathani I swear I will be by your side when you finally kill that monster!"
"No Anthony!" She pleaded desperately. "You need to stay away! I cannot bare if he hurt you!"
But Anthony was gone in his rage as he shouted out. "You cannot stop me from helping you! I need to avenge you Kathani! I need to Avenge our babies that were brutally murdered because of that monster's orders!"
Out of everything he said these words rendered Kathani speechless and then to her shock she saw tears spilling from his eyes as he cried out. "I am so sorry Kathani! I wish we never believe in Welsh's lie! I wish I was able to save you and our babies from that cruel fate!"
"Our babies?" Kathani cried as she tried to understand his words. "You mourn for those babies that were not yours?"
"How can you even ask me that question? They were your babies and your babies could only be mine and I am sorry that you suffered alone when they were taken from you."
And hearing these words out of his mouth finally made her heart burst open as she wailed. "Our babies!"
They both reached out to embrace each other as their bodies racked with broken sobs. Anthony and Kathani couldn't stand up anymore under the weight of their pain and both collapsed on the floor as they cried and cried in each other arms.
After a while Kathani felt soft kisses on her head as Anthony kept apologising for failing her and their babies.
He didn't know how long they stayed on that floor but it was a lot later when their eyes were cleared from tears when he heard Kathani's hitched voice. "I never saw their faces, I never knew if they were boy or girl but they both had my hair and their skin colour were dark as mine."
Anthony cried as he listened more about his babies from their mother's mouth. "I never knew at first but by the time my second baby was arriving I had met a priest and he told me everything that happened to me."
She shifted and pointed at the stars. "You know there is a small window in that prison and sometimes I could see stars shining in the night sky. I named all of them Anthony and I used to imagine that I am with you whenever they come to torture me. In my imagination we are happy with our family at Aubrey Hall and you taking care of me like Appa and uncle Edmund took care of their wives when Eloise and Edwina were going to be born."
She turned to face him and wiped off those fresh tears in his eyes as she told him. "Whenever I thought about my babies I could never imagine them dead but instead I imagine they are safe with you among the stars! I sometimes imagine that you rescued us and you accepted me and babies and we all are living happily together."
"Of course Kathani, there was never any question of accepting you. You are my life and I love you even before I understand the meaning of love. I used to dream too, you know? I used to dream you were alive and that you returned to me. I used to dream we fell in love and got married at Aubrey Hall."
"I wish I could dream too." She said and when Anthony stared at her in confusion she put his hand on her belly scars as she confessed. "You once ask why I never sleep because I couldn't. I have nightmares about them Anthony, I can see my babies dead bodies, I can hear their screams! I can see a pool of blood and knife sticking on my..."
She closed her eyes as she break into fresh tears. "They haunt me Anthony! I can hear them as if it was yesterday! I can see them as if it was happening at this moment! You want to know how broken I am? I am carrying the weight of my dead babies on my body! I yearn for peace but I am afraid once I killed everyone only death can bring me peace."
"Do not say this Kathani! I will not let any harm fall on you! I will not let you die! I know it seems impossible but I promise one day you will find yourself at peace. One day your happiness will return and one day you will heal and I will be there by your side until my last breath because I cannot imagine my life without you."
"Why are you making all these promises." She cried feeling touched with these words.
"Because I love you!" He held her against his heart as he declared. "I love you Kathani Bridgerton! I loved you when you stopped me from tearing those lilacs! I loved you when you became my best friend! I loved you when you were taken from me! I had love you when you return as Countess! I love you when you were a lie! I love you when you were a truth! I Love you when you were scarred! I love you when you protect all of us and I swear I will love you when you tear Victor apart and I will love you still when you finally vanquish our enemy! I love you my Kathani, I just love you because without loving you there is no point of my existence."
And as under the night sky among all the stars she once named Anthony, Kathani for the first time mourned for all she lost because she was in her husband's arms, because Kathani truly believed she is loved.
As night grew darker and stars shines brighter Kathani for the first time in many years felt as if a huge burden has been lifted from her heart.
His Anthony was kind and patient as he mourned with her for the lives that were lost and the years that were taken from them.
It was not only her but Anthony also let out everything that was hidden inside of him. He finally confessed how much her and Uncle Edmund's deaths changed his life. "It was like two parts of my body were taken from me. First I lost you and years later I saw my father..."
He couldn't carry on and this time Kathani pulled him in her embrace and let him cry against her chest.
Once his breathing get in control he lifted his face and stared at his Kathani in awe. "I still cannot believe you are in front of me Kathani."
Kathani gave him a teary smile as she gently caressed his cheek. "I understand what you mean, that's why I used to stare at you the entire night because sometimes even I could not believe that weather you were real of figment of my imagination."
"Then how would you make yourself believe if I am real or not?" He asked hoping her answer would help him out.
Instead of replying she leaned closer and took his lips into the sweetest kiss she had ever given him.
Anthony opened his mouth and let his wife deepen their kiss. He felt her moan as she leaned closer and sat on her lap. Her one hand holding his face while her other hand was clutching her back.
Anthony's own hand started moving on their own. One was raking through her hair while the other holding her arm, bringing her body even closer to him than possible.
For a while they both were lost in their kiss, their hands roaming over each other's body.
Suddenly Kathani flinched and Anthony knew a little late why his wife sprang on her feet while clutching his coat closer to her body.
"I am so sorry!" Anthony rushed to apologize as he got up and tried to comfort his wife but Kathani turned around as she sniffed. "I, I am sorry!"
Anthony felt his heart broken into a million pieces and a pain so severe shot inside his body because now he knew why she was always hiding her back.
Kathani felt two arms enveloping her as Anthony kissed her ear and neck before his hand reached inside his coat to touch her belly scars as he begs. "Do you trust me Kathani?"
Kathani sighed as she leaned her head against his body. "More than my own life."
"Do you believe in my love for you?" He asked while kissing her head. "More than I believe in myself." She replied truthfully because in his arms all she could feel was love for herself.
She felt herself turned around as her husband stared at her with deep love and reverence. "Then would you allow me to bring comfort to you?"
At this request she hesitated and Anthony made her stare into his eyes so she could see his love as he requested again. "Please let me take care of you. Please let me take your pain away. Please let my love heal you."
Kathani stared at his pleading eyes and before she knew it, she leapt into his arms as she said one word before crushing her lips against his. "Yes!"
Apparently this one word was all the permission he needed. Anthony gently scooped her in his arms and carried his wife towards the bed.
Kathani felt her heart beating wildly against her chest as Anthony gently laid her down on the bed.
He then proceeded to take her shoes off, next he undid her belt and pulled out her dagger from pocket before taking off her trousers.
She clutched his coat tighter around herself as she watched her stockings rolled down from her thighs.
She moans loudly when her husband's soft lips touched her inner thighs as he slowly took off the last piece of her clothing leaving her lower half completely bare.
Today instead of hunger and lust, she saw something else in Anthony's eyes. As if he was marveling at her very being.
He gently touched her thigh as his fingers caressed her skin upwards until they were resting on top of his coat still covering her body. "Can I take this off?"
Kathani wanted to shake her head. Her God knows how petrified she was at this moment but when she saw in Anthony's eyes and all she found was pure love and adoration for herself, that look gave her a strange kind of strength and confidence.
She slowly moved her head and the breathtaking smile on her husband's face was so beautiful that it soared her own heart. "Thank you so much my love. I swear, I will always treasure your trust in me."
With great care he pealed his coat off her body and only once she was completely naked he proceeded to get naked too.
Kathani felt herself shivering and she opened her arms, yearning for her husband's warmth. Her husband quickly divested all his clothing and then gently covered her body with his own before covering themselves with thick blanket.
Kathani felt relaxed when her body was covered thoroughly by this man. She cupped her face and traced his lower lips before taking it for a passionate kiss.
For a while they kissed leisurely until Anthony lifted his face and touched her shoulder. "Can I touch your back?"
What Kathani did next probably surprised her most as she kissed her husband. "You can."
She then flipped her body so she was now lying on her front pressed to the mattress. She waited half scared and half in anticipation for her Anthony to touch her back but when seconds turned into minutes her fear and shame began to fill her heart with doubts.
She was about to move when she felt the softest kiss on her lower back. Kathani felt her breath taken away as those gentle kisses began to map all her wounds, her burns, her scars.
She felt tears on her face as well on her back skin when his tongue peaked out to trace his own spelling above those derogatory words.
For a while she couldn't understand but then she started spelling the words he was tracing on her skin with his tongue.
'Friend.' 'Love.' 'Wife.' 'Mine.'
He repeated these words over and over again until they both became sobbing mess.
Kathani felt a tearful kiss on her neck before she was flipped again only to come face to face with her husband's tearful face. "I am so sorry Kathani."
Kathani shook her head as they both enveloped each other for comfort that only they could gave to each other.
She kissed his face as she cried her deepest wish. "Make love to me, not as Countess but as your Kathani."
Anthony smiled and then gently slipped inside her as he told her. "It was always you Kathani. It was always you, I loved."
"I love you too Anthony!" She cried out feeling joyous for finally able to say these words without any mask or deception. "Kathani always loved Anthony!"
"And Anthony always loved his Kathani." He reminds her as he starts moving inside her.
They both were clutching each other as they devoured each other's lips and moved together as one body and soul
and when it was time for them to reach their releases Kathani tightened her limbs around her husband as she assured his worried quarries. "Love me completely my love."
A feral growl erupted from his mouth, making her gasp as he sped his thrust inside her.
Kathani screams of pleasure echoes as she shatters in her husband's arms and after few thrusts in which Kathani kissed him passionately her husband released his seed deep inside her womb.
Once they both collapsed in each other's arms their eyes were not wet anymore but now instead there was a smile etched on their faces.
And as they laid in each other loving embrace Kathani knew one thing that no matter what tomorrow brings for her, her Anthony and their love will triumph in the end.