Chapter33: For the Kits
The camp had been silent ever since the grand reveal. Nobody talked about it. Darkstripe was scarcely seen outside of the leader's den, and when he was, it was visible how skittish he had become. He'd only sit with a back to a wall so he could see any cat that approached him. Most cats he just appeared wary of and was tight lipped. Some he reacted to with more fear. He'd become incredibly submissive to those few. It was disturbing to any cat watching to say the least. The only cat he let near him besides Bluestar, albeit warily, was Cloudpaw. Cloudpaw had a way of somehow lowering Darkstripe's guard. Another type of cat could get through his guard, kits. Darkstripe did not fear kits. It seemed they were truly the only cats in camp he acted like his old self around.
Greystripe had felt the tension in camp. Every cat was on edge after Tigerclaw, a cat who had appeared to be the epitome of loyal, betrayed the clan. They all were searching for phantom enemies. He could feel many cats watching him to see if he was a traitor too. Those eyes also fell on his kits. It scared him. He couldn't trust his clanmates not to lash out at his kits given the aggressive words he's been hearing them whisper about his kits. The two who linked him to the clan couldn't aid him. One was overwhelmed with his new duties. The other had been distant since all his apprenticehood had been dragged to light. Greystripe knew he had to leave. No matter how much it hurt those he had left, the clan was not safe to raise his kits in. He wanted to talk to his brother one last time to confirm this was the right choice.
Darkstripe had been sitting with his back to the wall observing the cats in the camp. He hated when their eyes would drift to him. The green dragging everything he never wanted to be back out of him and the yellow crushing his spirit. One of the green-eyes was approaching him. He wanted to back away, but the wall behind him kept him still. Something about this cat was familiar in his tormented mind. It was the pelt. It reminded him of a kit he used to calm during his apprenticehood. It was Greystripe, but he had those eyes.
"Can I talk to you?"
Darkstripe looked extremely uncomfortable, shifting on the spot. He looked around to make sure no other cat was watching him besides his brother.
"What…" His voice trembled. He straightened himself to hide his fear. "What do you want?"
"I need some advice."
Something about the way the cat who had backed him into a corner held himself and pitifully asked for advice registered in his mind. The green eyes his mind were displaying on the cat were flickering away. They weren't gone, but their power over him was waning for this cat.
"What about?"
Greystripe could feel Darkstripe's wariness shedding. The tremble was gone and his voice was becoming lighter.
"My kits. I fear for them. Every cat in camp looks at them and me like they expect them to be the next Tigerclaw. I want to leave for them, but I'm not sure. You and Fireheart are here, and I'd love my kits to be raised knowing you, but I don't want my kits raised under that kind of hatred and suspicion."
"It sounds like you've already made up your mind. You're actually looking for a goodbye. I don't blame you for wanting to leave. I can't trust any cat here."
Darkstripe's head turned to look at the rest of the camp where cats paced and sat.
"They'll betray me if I'm not on guard. He promised he'd leave my secrets between us, but he betrayed me. He told all of them about my past and it ruined all I wanted to be. I'm not Darkstripe the senior warrior, the sharp tongued, the clever. I'm just Darkstripe the Broken now."
Those words were filled with equal parts sadness and spite. When Darkstripe looked back at his brother, the green eyes were gone on him.
"I say go. Go somewhere where your kits will be safe and loved. Go to Riverclan. If you don't feel Riverclan will take you, look in the warrior's den in my old nest. You'll find that rock from when you helped Riverclan during the flood. Crookedstar will not turn you away if you bring it. He owes you that much."
Darkstripe's words had been freeing. His brother had not only been understanding but also supportive of what Greystripe knew he had to do. He still needed to tell Fireheart, his best friend, about his decision. Hopefully he'd take it well. Greystripe tracked down his old friend.
"Greystripe. I'm kind of busy. What's up?"
"I needed to tell you something. I don't… I don't think I can stay in Thunderclan."
"What! But your family is here! Your clan needs you!"
"Please listen to me. I don't feel safe here with my kits. Have you seen how cats look at me and mor importantly my kits? I don't want my kits raised in this. I don't want to fear their clanmates will discriminate against them. We have to leave. Maybe someday we'll return, but the clan isn't safe for us."
Fireheart was shaken from that. Those who supported him were drifting away. Greystripe had to leave for his kits. Bluestar wasn't in her right mind, and Darkstripe was scared of him. He didn't understand why.
"But… Who will I have left when you leave?"
"You'll have the clan. They trust you to be the deputy. Maybe you could make up with Darkstripe if you really meant it."
"Make up with Darkstripe? What did I do?"
"You really don't know? Maybe this'll be good for you. You need to think on the things you did and said to get rid of Tigerclaw. You may have driven him away, but in your efforts to prove your moral high ground, you shattered his trust. He rarely trusts any cat, and you gave him a reason to never trust again."
This conversation puzzled Fireheart. He'd done what was right, right? All of Tigerclaw's crimes had been revealed. That was what he needed to do, right? Something about that thought didn't sit right. Was getting everything out so necessary, or did he do it to assure himself? Greystripe was watching him to see when he was out of his thoughts.
"My kits and I are going tomorrow. I hope you'll see me off. Don't tell any cat until we're gone. I hope you'll keep a secret this time."