Chapter 35: Accepting Guilt

Fireheart had never felt so alone before. He was managing the whole clan while three of the cats he was closest to were shutting him out. Greystripe was gone, Bluestar has gone a bit mad, Darkstripe is scared of him, and to top it off, his apprentice has been distant since visiting Princess. He doesn't avoid Fireheart like the rest, but he does make it a point to let him know he did something Darkstripe might never forgive. His only solace was a cat who he used to see as a bully.

Sandstorm would be there to listen to him and comfort him. It was awkward at first since the two had never really made up for how they treated each other during their apprenticeships, but they were developing a bond. He confessed his issues to Sandstorm, and she didn't give him the runaround like Bluestar and Cloudpaw were doing. She let him know outright that Darkstripe was hurt because Fireheart had revealed everything. It was done without Darkstripe's permission, so it was a massive betrayal of trust.

Fireheart didn't know how to feel after Sandstorm revealed the truth of why so many who were close to him were now keeping their distance. His heart said he did the right thing by dragging all of Tigerclaw's crimes to light, but his heart also told him he'd done wrong to Darkstripe. Darkstripe hadn't just been betrayed by a former mentor but also the cat he felt safe enough to tell his insecurities. How could he fix this?

Sandstorm was supportive despite feeling Fireheart needed a bit of karma. He was getting enough as is. She told him the truth. This kind of wound takes time to heal. Darkstripe needs space to learn to trust again. Fireheart could only exacerbate it right now. He'd have to wait in his guilt until Darkstripe confronted him first. They both knew that could take a while. Darkstripe could hold a grudge.

The two became close. There was no cat Fireheart could confide to about his problems. Being deputy was extremely stressful. He had to know where cats were and assign patrols throughout the day. Bluestar wasn't helping much since her paranoia made her distrust any cat. It didn't help that Longtail and Dustpelt were keeping their heads down to avoid any kind of relation to Tigerclaw through Darkstripe.

Fireheart decided to confront Cloudpaw at Sandstorm's suggestion. He hoped he could clear up to his apprentice that he was regretful, but he thought he did the right thing. He took his apprentice out hunting, so he could finally speak.

"Cloudpaw."

"Yes Fireheart?" Said Cloudpaw in monotone.

"I want you to know that I do regret hurting your father by telling his secret. I never meant to hurt him. I did what I thought was necessary in the moment. I did what I did for the clan."

Cloudpaw looked more annoyed than accepting at that statement.

"Dad always taught me to be wary of those who use the phrase 'for the clan.' Its easy to justify any wrong doings as for the clan. What do you mean when you say for the clan? Dad taught me that when I say for the clan, I need to mean for the cats in the clan. Who benefitted from you bringing up Darkstripe's past? Tigerclaw would have been exiled anyway for what he did to Ravenpaw and Redtail. Are you saying for the clan to mean you wanted to help Darkstripe or did you say that to make yourself right?"

Fireheart was shocked. He had hoped to absolve some of his guilt by reconciling with his apprentice, but now he wasn't sure if what he had done had been right in the first place. As he thought of it more, he realized Cloudpaw was right. He had shared Darkstripe's past just to benefit himself. He had wanted to squash out the little doubt there was left, but in the end, he was breaking a promise to prove himself right. Not for the clan. For him. Fireheart hung his head in realization. How was he better than Tigerclaw when he used them and was willing to betray them to benefit himself?

"I… You're right. I should never have told. I thought in the moment it was the right option, but I let my heart get before my head again. I hurt Darkstripe to make myself feel more in the right, but I was wrong. I hurt a cat who was so used to being hurt that he'd isolated himself from his clan. I had gained his trust, and I destroyed it for something so petty as being right. I don't know how to fix it or if I even can fix it. Do you think there is a chance? A chance for things to go back to the way they were?"

"No." Cloudpaw said firmly. "Dad will never forget what you did, and he'll be hurting for a long time. That doesn't mean he won't forgive you some day, but that will be a long journey. There will be times you will want to give up. Please don't. Dad needs loving cats in his life. You could never see it, but you two complete each other. That is why he is so hurt. You tore him in half. Now we have to pick up the pieces and put him back together. Not as Darkpaw the abused and scared. He needs to know. We all need to know him as Darkstripe the bold. The cat who overcame his past and is the epitome of what it means to be a warrior. I want that Darkstripe back."

Fireheart was silent. How could his apprentice be so wise?

"I'm not sure I can pick up all the pieces. Would you help me?"

"Of course, I will. Even if I'm still a bit mad at you, you're still my uncle. I still love you. Can you keep one promise for me though? One you won't ever break. Will you promise me you'll never hurt dad like this again? Would you swear it on your soul?"

"I swear to fix what I have done and to never hurt Darkstripe like this again. I swear on my soul, the code, and all that I am that I will not break this promise."

Cloudpaw looked happy at that declaration.

"Then let's get back to hunting. We have a clan to feed, and a cat to fix."

The tension between the two was gone. They now shared a purpose.