Chapter 10

A Little Escape

"It always surprises you," my father told me once when I came home crying because of Michael, my first boyfriend.

"What?" I managed to ask in between sobs.

"Life," he simply said.

I gave him a bewildered look.

When he said, "Life will surprise you, Ana. Just when you think everything is falling apart, next thing you know, you're ascending into the heights you've never imagined."

With that, I wiped away my tears.

That memory replayed itself in my mind as I absentmindedly gazed at the fridge of the convenience store. I leaned my back on the pillar next to the vending machine filled with chewing gums. Dad was right: life could be the most unexpected thing.

My brain still can't process what happened tonight.

Two Hours Ago . . .

The hotel had this small auditorium that looked like one of our classrooms in college (except with the desks). It hadn't occurred to me that the Bullion was such a prestigious awarding ceremony. The hosts and the speakers were distinguished and every word they uttered burnt from the core of passion for the literary arts.

"Are you okay?" Christian whispered next to me. I was seated between him and Elliott.

"I'm fine," I barely whispered.

We hadn't cleared the air yet, but we'll get to that tonight. For now, my stomach's filled with butterflies when the thought finally sank in: I was a nominee for an award I never saw coming.

In front of us were Jose and Leila, but that was not one of the reasons why I was so fidgety. It was all about tonight. I thought I was only good at painting, but I wasn't. It felt bizarre to discover something about yourself that you didn't even know existed.

The awarding began and Lotus hadn't won yet. Jolts of Year 4000 didn't win the award and neither did the author, but being the encouraging leader he was, Carrick still assured Magnus that he believed in him. Well, Magnus looked red though. He really looked like he wanted to cry. That made me feel more anxious. What if I'll go all red like him when I lose tonight? Goodness! I should have never worn a red gown!

He must have noticed my hands trembling, because he engulfed it with his. Christian. I looked at our hands intertwined and somehow, my breathing got calmer. It puzzled me how my hand looked absolutely smaller compared with his yet the spaces between our fingers fit perfectly.

Then, his thumb made languid circles on the surface on one of my knuckles and that was a silent, "It will all be okay."

Before I knew it, it was my award.

"The Bullion for Best Art Cover goes to-"

"This is it," I heard Jose.

"-Anastasia Steele for Jolts of Year 4000. Published by Lotus."

Then, suddenly, it felt like a lightning struck a tower, like one of those tarot cards (yes, I had a horoscope phase when I was with Jose). Speaking of the devil, I heard everyone's applause and it was very deafening. Jose almost stood up, thinking it was his pseudonym that was going to be announced, but he quickly sat again when he heard my name instead. He and Leila were the only one glaring at me . . . and that was a beautiful sight.

I gave Christian, Elliott, Carrick, and even Magnus a short embrace each before heading up the stage to receive my trophy and envelope. The trophy was a golden book. Oh gosh! There's a speech part? Why didn't I ever prepare for this?

Then, I remembered all my crazy moments in the shower when I pretend to win an Oscar. Only this time, I wasn't holding a shampoo bottle, but an actual trophy.

I cleared my throat and just decided to be myself when I gave my speech, "Good evening everyone. Thank you for being here tonight. I am very surprised and of course, honored to receive this award. I would like to thank Lotus Publishing for believing in me. Thank you, Magnus for writing such an impactful story. Thank you, Bullion for choosing me to be this award's recipient.

Jolts of Year 4000 was a book about a strong female protagonist which enabled me to create a book cover that symbolized the strength of women. For sure, in our personal lives, everyone here in the room surely has their feminist icons who inspire them they today. These icons could be Maya Angelou, Eleanor Roosevelt, Barbara Walters, Angela Davis to name a few, but my feminist icon is Elle Woods from Legally Blonde."

When I said that, laughter echoed in the room.

Their laughter died down when I explained, "Elle Woods said: 'You must always have faith in people. And, most importantly, you must have faith in yourself."

The audience nodded and even from this podium, I can see Carrick's eyes glimmer.

"A few months ago, I was at probably the lowest point in my life, thinking that everything will just keep getting worse, but life proves itself to be the most unpredictable force. Life will get better as long as you believe in yourself."

I looked at the audience and of course, Jose looked like somebody punched him the guts while Leila kept rolling her eyes.

I didn't mind them though because I was looking at the man seated behind them. He looked so proud of me. His expression said it all.

My blue eyes locked with his gray ones when I said, "Thank you for believing in me."

With that, I closed my short speech and received more applause.

Present Time . . .

"Ana, let's go out?" Christian's voice pulled me from the realm of my thoughts.

"Yes, let's go," I said before stepping out of the convenience store.

The cashier looked really confused at the two of us. I seemed like a misfit inside the store especially with my red gown and yes, Christian looked dashing too. It really wasn't a usual sight for him to be dressed to the nines with a paper bag that we just bought from the store.

Once we went outside, we both stared at the hotel right across the street.

"So, we escaped, huh?" He said.

I smiled at him, "Yeah, we escaped from across the street."

One Hour Ago . . .

The awarding ceremony may have ended but the after-party just began. We moved to the ballroom which a lot bigger than the auditorium. It was a place for socializing and frankly, I was getting tired from it all.

I've met authors, illustrators, and publishers who just talked about the same thing. They asked about the process of making the cover art, how I felt about winning, and how I got the job in Lotus. It was amazing explaining it for the first three times, but it's been like fifty people and I was saying the same thing.

Right across the room, Christian was in a serious conversation with Carrick and Elliott and some people I never met before. It all looked serious and from the looks of it, I think they're discussing math so I'm out of that.

"Miss Steele?" I looked to my right and there stood before me a man in his mid-40s.

"Good evening," I smiled.

"Congratulations for winning tonight. I am Paul Burns, the CEO of Autumn Publishing Works."

"Nice to meet you and thank you," I replied graciously.

Then, he stared at me from head to toe and that seemed weird. "You're gorgeous, Miss Steele. Have you modelled before?"

I shook my head, "No, I never did any modelling."

"Now that's a shame. The world deserves to see your beauty," he said and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Maybe I could model for sketchpads and charcoal pens," I joked.

"You should model for shoes."

"For shoes?"

"You have fine feet," he sounded . . . aroused? I was wearing a long gown. He could only see very few parts of my feet and he could tell they're gorgeous?

From the corner of my eye, I saw Christian staring at me already. I widened my eyes and gave the expression to save me from this guy.

"You know, toes that aren't that apart from each other are the best-looking ones. Flip-flops can use your feet for their ads," he continued on and on about feet and this was officially the weirdest conversation I ever had.

"Uh-huh," that's all I had to say.

"Hello Ana," as usual, he came to my aid. Christian interrupted Paul's sentiments on feet.

"Oh, Christian! I was talking to Ana about-"

"Her feet? Yeah, that's great, Paul. Listen, we have to go somewhere. See you later?"

That was Paul's cue to leave and thankfully, he left and approached another woman and by the looks of it, he was talking about her feet.

"He is so weird," I was baffled at how he was staring at the woman's feet for the entire time.

"He is into feet, Ana. You're his type."

I winced at that. I've been attracting a lot of weirdos.

"Ana?"

"Hmmm?"

"Let's take a little escape?"

I nodded without any hesitation.

Present Day . . .

So here we were in a parking lot of a cheap convenience store from across the hotel. Yes, we just crossed the street but it still felt far from where we were. To be honest, this completely felt like the two of us. Christian was this grand hotel while I was a convenience store with humble beginnings. Yet we were here...together.

There were no cars in the parking lot so we sat on one of the curbs.

"Here," he said while taking his coat off and placing it on my shoulders. They were definitely too big for me, but definitely warm enough to brave the cold evening air. He opened the paper bag and took two cans of soda and chocolate bars.

Anybody passing by would definitely be confused because we were sitting on a curb illuminated by the light coming from the convenience store. Still, I was proud. I was in my red gown with his black coat around me. I was holding a soda can in one hand and my trophy in another. This night was something else.

"Christian-"

"Ana-"

We both said our names at the same time.

"You first," he was always the gentleman.

"Why didn't you answer any of my text messages? Christian, I almost thought you won't come tonight," I went straight to the point.

He was quiet as he just took a sip of his soda quietly.

"Christian, don't ignore me. I was texting you the entire week and you just left me on read. Look, are you embarrassed about what happened in Halloween?"

He swallowed the soda before answering, "Ana, yes, I was embarrassed. Elliott told me about what I did and I just can't face you."

That's it? He was just embarrassed? Somehow, that disappointed me. I knew I thought a lot about all the possible reasons why he would ignore me, but this one wasn't what I wanted. Maybe I wanted it to be more romantic?

Instead, I settled with, "I see. You don't have to be embarrassed."

Christian obviously wanted to avoid the topic because he cleared his throat and opened up, "So, that was the Jose you were crying about in the plane?"

"Yes, that was him," Damn! I had never felt more embarrassed in my life.

"He loves Zumba with 80's music?" He was astounded to say the least.

I cringed. "Yeah, his muscles got more toned because of Take On Me by A-Ha"

"I don't know what that is but good for him." Christian said before taking another sip of his soda. Really? He hadn't heard of that iconic song? I was starting to think that for a former travel journalist, I think Christian only traveled to caves.

"To be honest, I'm kind of happy that he's out of my life. He definitely fits better with his new girlfriend," I seriously said.

Christian smiled that, "Cheers to that!"

We clinked our soda cans together and took one gulp in sync.

Afterwards, he gave me a small smile when he changed the subject once again when greeted, "Congratulations."

"Thank you," I told him.

"I couldn't miss this night, you know. I know you're going to win," he expressed.

I raised my brow, "How did you know?"

"Well-"

I gasped and that startled him.

"What?!" he asked a bit urgently.

"Did you bribe them?!" Suddenly, I imagined Christian in his James Bond attire (with sunglasses this time) accompanied by Taylor who brought a briefcase with him. They walked like a pair of Mafia men in the hallway of Bullion and bribed them with goldbars.

Christian suddenly laughed and in between he said, "Oh, Ana. You really are too imaginative. Calm down, woman. I didn't bribe anyone. I always knew you're gonna win."

"Oh," I was flushed. I held my trophy tighter.

"Believe in yourself more, Ana. I believe in you. Look, when I met you, you were this woman crying in an airplane. You made the 9-hour flight feel like an hour only. You were a wreck, but here you are, continuing to push through," he explained.

I smiled that.

"Why do you think you won the award?"

"Huh?"

"You said in your speech earlier. Ella Woods-"

"Elle Woods," I corrected passionately.

He smiled and rolled his eyes affectionately, "Okay, Elle Woods encouraged you to believe in yourself. So, why do you think you won the award? Set your wild imaginations aside."

I clutched the trophy closer to my chest and expressed with such wisdom, "It's because I have experienced doors slammed close right at my face, so what I do is I don't dwell on them so much. Instead, I focus on going inside an open door and make the most I can to make its room the most beautiful place I'd make it to be."

He smiled warmly at that and said, "There you have it, Miss Steele. I didn't bribe anyone. It's all on you."

I took a deep breath before replying with a question, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"How do you make me feel so . . . empowered?"

His face suddenly turned serious when he honestly answered, "I don't know."

Right in the moment, I didn't care. We were friends and I didn't give a damn about what would happen next. My feelings were about to burst. I felt like I'll die if I won't let them come out.

I straightened my back and took the last sip from the canned soda before starting, "Christian?"

He looked at me straight in the eyes and he looked so mesmerizing.

"Christian, from the start, you have known that I have this long history of getting my heart broken by dating the wrong men, but what keeps me going is that faith that all I need is one person to make sense of the ninety-nine I did wrong. I have this faith that I'll meet the one for me. That one chance at one time with that one person."

He tensed and I did too yet I still continued, "I know it's too early to say this and I know I'm putting our friendship at risk, but Christian, I am starting to thank that it's you-that one right among my ninety-nine wrongs."

I was risking our friendship, but I had to be true to myself. I'd rather live a life cringing at moments of stupidity and miscalculated moves than look back and regret all the words I wished I had expressed.

A second. A minute. Five minutes. A decade. Okay, I was hyperbolizing. But he wasn't saying anything. He was frozen like a statue.

"Please say something," I pleaded.

"Ana, wow, uhm . . ." there was shock in his voice.

"I messed everything up, didn't I? I-"

"No, uhm . . . Ana,"

I waited.

He finally composed himself when he said, "Ana, there is so much about me that you don't know yet."

"Then show me," I encourage.

He shook his head, "Ana, I don't know how to react."

"Christian," I pressed.

"Yes, I was embarrassed that I serenaded you like in that movie we watched, but that wasn't the exact reason why I haven't returned your text messages. Ana, when Kate said that I wasn't your type and that you're never gonna like me, I was . . . crushed. I thoughtlessly ordered alcoholic drinks and before I knew it I was making a fool out of myself. I mean, I fucking passed out after singing a love song.

The next day, I was having a bad hangover and before I knew it, I realized what it's all about..."

His voice trailed off.

"What is it about?" I tenderly asked.

Then, his intense gray eyes stared deeply into my soul when he confessed, "I realized that despite all the shit I knew about love-the flowers, the hearts, the dates, the movie nights, the fights, the makeups, the corny stuff. I realized that I wanted it with you. I wanted you to be my cliché."

My heart sprung up with so much hope.

But then I remembered what my father said:

"Life will always surprise you, Ana so you have to be careful okay? Just when you think you've ascended to such great heights, all of a sudden life drags you back to the ground."

I felt my heart dragged to the ground when he Christian admitted with apologetic eyes, "And I don't like it, Ana. I don't like this feeling I have for you."

Silence followed after except from the sounds of our canned sodas getting blown by the wind. I stared at him with eyes that looked like they just hadn't received an award two hours ago. And there he was, looking at the ground, his heel tapping on the curb. He just confessed that he felt the same . . . but wasn't accepting of it.

And just like before, love didn't work out for me.

Author's Notes

*hides from all of you*

The next chapters will explain Christian's reasons.

Thank you everyone for reading this chapter and for your heartfelt reviews.

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