Chapter 11

Days in Delhi

"You must never aspire to live a perfect life because the perfect life doesn't exist. You just have to wish for a balanced life," Suraj counselled.

Suraj will be the director of Lotus Publishing in the New Delhi site and to describe him with one word: passionate. That's who he was. Although he's really lustful of the rush that life could bring, he seemed like a realist.

A balanced life never seemed like a concept to me. I always thought that living the perfect life was the goal. As I grew older though, I realized that there's no objective definition for a perfect life. Hell, it didn't even exist.

"You have to understand that oppositions co-exist thus, you must aim for a balanced life and not a perfect one," Suraj emphasized once more.

In fact, I was thought that I was already living a balanced life. For one, my career was skyrocketing to the farthest of heights, but love life was a total disaster.

Just thinking about last week's moment colored my world gray.

A Week Ago . . .

"And I don't like it, Ana. I don't like this feeling I have for you."

When he uttered those words, it took me awhile to process what he meant. He looked sincere-no, he looked apologetic, he looked guilty. I wasn't saying anything and neither was he. The silence between us was deafening. It was almost as if the sound of crickets can break our eardrums.

I took a deep breath before telling him, "So, you feel the same way for me?"

"I do but-"

"But what?"

I had my heart broken more than enough to understand that "I love you but" was completely different with "But I love you." Mind you, the latter I've never heard of before.

He gazed at the sky while explaining, "Love is not for me, Ana. I've known it from the start. Ever since I was nine, I always knew that love is not for me."

"That's nonsense, Christian. Love is for everyone including you." Most especially you.

He shook his head in disagreement, "Ana, I've had lovers before and you know how that ends? The next day, I'd get bored or they'll want something more and fuck it! Everything will just be a disaster. Attraction never lasts, Ana. You give it a few months maximum and it dissipates."

"You're comparing attraction to love, Christian. They aren't the same."

He faced me now but with a strong expression, "Aren't they the same, Ana?"

"They're not the same," I argued.

"How?" He challenged.

"Attraction pulls you like magnets to a person, but love makes you stay and if you never had the urge to stay, Christian then you haven't been in love."

He shook his head again and again, "I won't ever be in love, Ana."

You already are with me-I wanted to say those words, but all I did was look down. I frowned upon knowing that there was no use to argue with someone who's had his heart set on being miserable. His heart was screaming to be happy, but brain argued the opposite. I shook my head.

I wanted to touch his face and look him right then and there in the eye and challenge him to lie to me. But then I remembered I was holding my trophy and realized that I've come so far to degrade myself that way again. Admitting my feelings was alright but begging him to want me would be too much.

So, I just stood up from the curb and firmly said, "Christian, I won't force you into doing anything. I am sorry for what happened to make you feel this way, but I don't think I can still be friends with you."

"What?" His eyes darted to mine and they looked anxious.

"Look, just stay away from me, okay? Give me some time to get over how I'm feeling."

"What are you saying? We can't be friends anymore."

"I need space. Having you near when I can't really have you? Christian, that's hell."

He froze at that.

I didn't let him respond. I ran back to the hotel in my red gown and just left him there with such a disbelieving look on his face.

In my red gown, feeling like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, I forced tears from escaping my eyes. I smiled to myself.

This time, I chose me.

Two Days Later . . .

My winning the award was like an NFL win in the office. Noel and Hannah prepared this small lunch for everyone and I just never felt more celebrated in my life. Aside from the greetings I received in the office, I was also the headline of the news. My name was on newspapers and online news outlets.

A few months ago, I never would have imagined my parents calling to congratulate me on being an artist, but just last night, they were more than ecstatic.

It was weird because most of the call, all I saw was Dad's ear. He really wasn't a techy guy. He thought it was only a phone call. But yeah, when he finally understood what video call meant, then I saw their misty proud eyes. Mom was crying next to him. They apologized to me for every time they discouraged me in the past and I can't help but feel overwhelmed about that.

Before our call ended, I promised I'd visit Spokane next week. Also, I told my Dad to clean his ears more.

"Carrick will have an announcement in a few minutes," Noel told me and by the looks of it, I think he already knew about the announcement.

While everybody else got their food from the table, my phone buzzed again.

- Hi

- Hey

- Hello Ana

- Ana, let's talk

- I'm really sorry, Ana. Can you please reply?

- I'm coming over to the office today to talk to you.

I was frustrated. What the hell did he want from me? He kept on texting and calling me. If he insisted we remain friends albeit his confession of not wanting to act on how he felt about me, then that would make him worse than all of the exes I had.

- Please don't come here. Please don't talk to me. Just please.

I hit the send button. I guessed I pressed the screen of my phone perhaps too aggressively because Hannah looked really worried when she saw my expression as I typed in my reply for Christian. I assured her that I was okay (even though I wasn't).

Then just as Noel told me, Carrick came and greeted everyone.

"Hello everyone. Once again, a huge congratulations to Ana for winning the prestigious award two nights ago."

I gave him a smile.

Then he continued, "As you all know, Lotus Publishing is expanding all over the globe and I am happy to announce that our New Delhi site will open next week!"

We all clapped at that. Carrick talked about how our publishing company make an Asian author's dream come true and that it would portray their culture through fiction and non-fiction works. Then he started talking about the mathematics aspect of it and I was only smiling. I was getting cross-eyed from the "percentage", "mean", and "variance". Math surely wasn't my favorite language.

Wait, what? Math's not a language, Ana. You're so silly.

"You'll be coming with me, Ana."

"Huh?" Was Carrick talking to me? I stopped with my thoughts on Math when everyone's attention was on me. They looked so excited.

"Pardon?" I asked Carrick,

He smiled and announced once more, "You are going to New Delhi."

Everyone around me was cheering me on except for Elizabeth and Brady who were having their own pity party in one corner. I didn't mind them though because I'll be going to India!

Holy Shit! Spokane's gonna have to wait.

Present Day . . .

So here I was in my hotel room in New Delhi. This had been the farthest place I've travelled to. Life was indeed full of surprises like what my Dad used to say.

In my wildest imaginations, I never thought that it would be possible for me to travel to India in an all-expense paid trip provided by our company.

Now that I sat here on the swivel chair of my room, I kept gazing at the window and into the busy yet life-filled streets. The lights were illuminating with people living with different stories and with different lives-simultaneous tales all played out in one place.

Why hadn't I ever watched Bollywood romance films?

Oh, I wish I did!

When I thought about romance, that made me frown. It made me think of Christian again. After I texted him to stop reaching out to me, his name never lit my phone screen anymore. That's not what I wanted, but it's what I needed.

I guess Suraj was right. I guess this was my balanced life: career up, love life down.

But at least, career was going upwards, right?

My very first day here in New Delhi was nothing like I ever experienced. The traffic was completely crazy and the food was entirely different as well. But apart from the culture, everything about me felt like it changed too.

The reason why Carrick brought me here was because he wanted me to 'inspire' the new illustrators they hired. They were young artists who wanted to make it big and to be honest, it felt so good to talk about winning the award.

The friendliest of the new illustrators was Shannon. She's an American whose parents resided here in New Delhi for business. She's a walking sunshine. She smiled wider than Demi Lovato . . . like all the time.

I liked her enthusiasm though. She asked questions that were relevant and I appreciated that.

When I was not having my 'bragging rights' moment, I accompanied Carrick and Andrea to some meetings with Suraj.

Suraj had dark skin and gray hair and to describe him perfectly: he's a human self-help book. For some reason, every conversation with him turned out to be philosophical and deep. He's in his sixties and surely, he was a good grandpa.

First day was all about work, but the second day was all about fun. Goodness! Just thinking about yesterday repulsed my guts. I guess the blame was on me though.

If Carrick was kind, then Suraj is a thousand times kinder. So, whenever he talked about something passionately, you'd hate to bring his energy down.

"Did you like the curry, Ana?" His eyes glimmered when he asked that. He was too excited.

So, I lied, "Yes." Look, I was always the dessert type of person so spices never enticed me.

Suraj was really happy when I said yes so he asked the waiter to get me more curry. I struggled to keep my smile.

The next instance he excitedly asked, "Do you like Bollywood music, Ana?"

"Yes," I lied again.

"What's your favorite?"

Then, my mouth blurted out the only music I could think of: "Jai Ho!"

"Splendid! Let's sing it!"

We were taking a rest from all the meetings and singing was the last thing I wanted to. But how could I not when Suraj looked super excited? Shannon played the song in the room and Carrick got excited too.

I wanted to slap my face because Shannon played the Jai Ho version with no Pussycat Dolls so I didn't know the lyrics. I just sang "Jai Ho" when the words came up.

Uh oh, Suraj looked confused, "I thought this was your favorite song?"

I instantly stood up and explained, "You know what? This song was made for dancing."

Then, yeah, I danced in front of them. Okay, it wasn't that embarrassing because when I searched about India before going here, I mostly looked into their cute guys who do the dances so I knew some moves.

"Whoa! That's so fun!" Surprisingly, Carrick stood up and followed my dance moves. Later on, everyone danced too.

It was a buildup of camaraderie that we'll remember forever.

But, I should learn how to say no to Suraj.

Because he asked, "Let's go skydiving tomorrow?"

"Yes."

Shit!

Yesterday . . .

This wasn't part of the itinerary but Carrick and Suraj turned out to be like senior citizens who were crossing out their bucket list. I mean, that would have been fine if they just didn't drag us with them.

Andrea looked like she wanted to pass out but seeing how Carrick wanted her to do this, she was up for the challenge. Suraj's wife, Deepika tagged along and I was not surprised when she turned out to be the female version of her husband. Shannon came too and the HR guy, Mukesh was there as well.

Mukesh was tall, dark skinned, and a beard that perfectly suited his face. Not gonna lie, this man's really handsome, but that's just it. He was staring at me, his eyes looking like it got struck by lightning bolt. Goodness, this was awkward.

"Hello Ana. You ready?" His accent was thick and that made him so manly. It's just that I wasn't in the mood for love and he's the type of guy who never listens.

"Not really," I honestly said.

"You're too modest. I know you are!" See? He never listens.

"I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!" Carrick screamed as soon as he stepped out of the aircraft and Andrea followed after. Suraj and Deepika held hands as they jumped too. Unlike Carrick and Andrea, they didn't tandem with a licensed skydiver.

When it was Shannon's turn, her screams were a lot louder.

"I can't do this!" I asked.

"I know you want to do this," again, Mukesh didn't listen to me. He jumped out on his own too and I just rolled my eyes.

"Ma'am, are you ready?" the licensed skydiver I was paired with asked me. We were connected with a harness. Although they all assured that this was safe, I was thinking of the exact opposite. How can diving from the sky be safe?!

"No, I am not," I was crying.

"We can still go back," he encouraged.

Then, I took a deep breath and realized that I was here so why not give it a try? I won't be in India forever so I might as well make the most of it, right?

"I won't go back, let's do this," with much grit, I declared myself a brave one.

"Okay. We'll jump in three, two, one-"

"AHHHHH! I AM DYING! I AM DYING! MOM, DAD, I LOVE YOU. KATE AND ETHAN, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON'T FORGET ME! AND PLEASE FEED THE GOLDFISH IN MY APARTMENT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT IN HEAVEN!" I was screaming on top of my lungs.

With the feeling of dying, I screamed out, "CHRISTIAN, I AM IN LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. BUT YES, YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ME SAY THAT BECAUSE I'LL BE SOMEWHERE UNDERGROUND!"

"Ma'am?" Huh?

I opened my eyes and my skydiving partner was staring at me.

"We haven't jumped yet," he said.

"Oh, I-"

And, then we jumped.

I think I broke my voice box.

Present Day . . .

To be honest, after the dive, I instantly ran to Suraj and Deepika to give them a hug. In that moment, I never felt more alive.

I also thanked my skydiving partner who kept up with my craziness. When we parted ways, he teased, "Pleasure to have dived with you today, Ma'am. And you can tell this Christian that you love him since we survived the dive."

I rolled my eyes at that. I was happy about the dive, but I was really bothered by how I thoughtlessly screamed out my feelings for Christian when I thought that I was going to die.

That's when I stared into the lime green walls of my hotel room.

Should I continue this friendship with him even when I know that he is not accepting of the thought of us together? Should I just pretend that nothing's going on between us? Should I chase him until he realizes that it's okay to submit to how he feels?

Nobody ever told me that having feelings for a friend could be this complicated!

I just shook my head and decided to prepare myself for today's agenda: a lunch with the printing machine suppliers. Carrick will do the talking mostly so I was just going to (pretend to) enjoy the curry Suraj would suggest.

I pulled my hair into a really small ponytail and wore my yellow suit and trousers matched with a bronze blouse inside. I twirled in front of the mirror and felt like Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days when she stepped out of her apartment in front of an astounded Matthew McConaughey.

I grabbed my cream shoulder bag before heading down to the hotel's restaurant.

Feeling confident, I greeted everyone who I happened to pass by. The staff were really nice and some of the guests shared kind gestures too.

However, when I stepped into the restaurant, I was frozen like a statue. In our table, I saw him. He was here. What was he doing here?! Christian sat right next to his father and when he looked into my direction, our eyes met and it felt as though electricity passed through.

I took a deep breath and managed to confidently walk to our table.

"Oh, there she is!" Carrick exclaimed.

"Anastasia, glad you've arrived," Suraj expressed as if I wasn't staying in this hotel.

To my surprise, Mukesh pulled the chair out and helped me get seated. He was smiling dashingly and everyone in the table knew that he had a crush on me. This caused me to blush. I didn't like this one bit. Especially since I was sitting right in front of Christian.

"Thank you, Mukesh," I said professionally. My voice was hoarse from all the screaming from the skydiving yesterday. Mukesh replied with a wink. A fucking wink!

I glanced at Christian and he was obviously glaring at Mukesh. Still, he gained his composure and smiled at me, "Hello Ana."

"Christian," I nodded.

"You look-"

"Gorgeous," Mukesh interrupted Christian. This time, Christian hands formed into a fist on the table, his face was turning red, and he shot a mean stare at Mukesh.

"Wine, Ma'am?" the waited asked me.

"Yes please."

I needed a drink. This was going to be interesting.

Author's Note:

Guys, I got 14 reviews from last chapter and they were all so positive! I am really happy about how you're liking this story.

We're on Chapter 11 now and it's crazy since we've come so far with the story. We're in India now.

May I know your thoughts about this chapter?

Thank you.