Chapter 47: Building on the Ashes

Returning to camp was a strange experience for the clan. Everything they were used to was gone. The familiar undergrowth was sparse to nonexistent with loose ash puffing up with every step and clinging to their fur. Everything was so grey and dead. A few corpses of prey animals were visible. They were mostly charred, but some were salvageable. They grabbed what was edible before returning to the camp. The gorge that was their home was still present, but the barriers surrounding it were not. It had been consumed by the fire. The warriors' den and part of the apprentices' den were gone as well. Bluestar sent some warriors to scout if any of their territory was not hit by the fire. Meanwhile the rest of the warriors went about repairing what they could.

The medicine cats had better luck. A decent number of herbs survived the fire since their den was essentially a small cave. They'd lost a chunk of herbs to flash drying from the heat, but some herbs were still usable dried. Darkstripe was tasked with helping barrier construction. It was a slow job that wouldn't be as strenuous to his wounds as hunting or building a den. He'd just have to stack things around the edges of the camp and make them weighty enough to prevent a cat from pushing through. The most important part of the barrier was stopping the camp from being visible. They couldn't block the sky, but the could block the ground. If there was any unburned brambles on the territory, some warriors would be sent later to uproot them and haul them back to make a new barrier.

Despite fires being a horrible phenomenon, the forest has a way of recovering quickly. Undergrowth would be the first to recover and within a moon or two, prey would recover and become more abundant. Until then, this would be a hard New Leaf. They'd have to ration like it was still Leafbare. Just like always, they'd survive. It wouldn't be pretty, and a few cats may die, but that's how things always were. They'd make do with what they had.

Yellowfang decided to give Cinderpaw her name after the fire. She was ready to retire. Running all the way to Riverclan had made her realize she just didn't have the capability to travel long distances anymore. Cinderpaw was ready. Despite their efforts to remain stealthy, Yellowfang was not a fool. She knew Cinderpaw and Darkstripe had treated those Shadow Clan cats despite her reservations. Much to her surprise, their treatments actually worked. That's how she knew her apprentice was ready to be a fully fledged medicine cat. Yellowfang was still willing to assist, but she didn't think she could make more than one more trip to the Moonstone.

While repairing the camp, Darkstripe did not forget what Fireheart did for him. He also couldn't keep pushing away his feelings. Every time he'd pushed his limits and been toeing the line between the living and the dead, Fireheart had been there to pull him back. Despite the cat's flaws, something about him was attractive. There were small things that just exhilarated Darkstripe. Certain small motions or actions he just found adorable or endearing. The way he swished his tail when embarrassed. The way his face never hid anything. The sound of his soft purring. They were all things that Darkstripe appreciated and wanted to protect. He couldn't keep pretending he didn't love the, all too trusting, former kittypet.

He decided to confess before it was too late. He'd somehow picked up a habit of getting life threatening wounds, so there was no telling when it would catch up to him.

"Fireheart."

"Yes Darkstripe?"

Something was bothering the dark warrior. The way he dipped his head and fidgeted in place implied it was something difficult to say. Was he going to tell him another secret? What had his partner so anxious?

"I have something I want to tell you. I've wanted to say it for a while, but too much has been going on, and I didn't want it to be true after you revealed my secrets, but I can't deny it anymore. Fireheart… I… Great Starclan why is this so hard? I've never had difficulty speaking."

"It can wait if you're feeling uncomfortable."

"No! It can't wait. If I can't say it now, I don't think I'll work up the nerve to say it ever. Fireheart, I've fallen for you. You're a kind cat who makes my miserable life bearable. You make me want to try trusting again. I want to see the world the way you do, not bound by the bindings of suspicion that I've fostered all my life. Can you accept my feelings? Can you love a tom whose baggage refuses to leave him? Could you love me for what I am? A traumatized twisted cat who never got over his past."

Fireheart didn't know how to respond. He'd had feelings for Darkstripe for a while, but he didn't know if it was love. Sandstorm had confessed to him as well, but the feeling between the two interests never felt complete. Both cats he could feel he'd die for and he'd love to cuddle with and sleep together, but no matter the fantasy, his nest would feel empty with just two. How could he tell them that one wasn't enough? He felt he needed both.

"Darkstripe… I… I do love you. I really do, but there is another as well. I love Sandstorm too, but I don't want to give either of you up. I can't have you as my one and only. Are you willing to accept that? Can you love me for not wanting to commit to one? Could you accept Sandstorm as well?"

Darkstripe's heart was pounding. He didn't expect to be accepted. He'd been hoping he'd be rejected so he could move on, but now things were different. He could feel that happiness he'd always dreamed of only a few paw steps away. So what if Fireheart also loved another. He could never give Fireheart the kits he knew the cat would some day desire. The only real question was if he could stand Sandstorm. He didn't know her all that well besides she'd been a source of comfort to Fireheart when Darkstripe had his breakdown, and she had been a bully to him in their youth. Now that he thought of it, the two weren't that different. He felt it might take some time, and he might not grow to love her as a mate, but he thought he could accept her loving the tom he loved.

"I can accept not being your only one. Sandstorm is a looker, and I know she can give you kits someday. I can't give you that. I don't know if I will ever love her the way you do, but I think I can accept sharing you with her."

Fireheart let out that soft purr that Darkstripe loved to hear. Darkstripe's purr met his in another soft rumble. The two brushed up against each other as they enjoyed the other's scent and presence. It felt right to the pair.

"So… Did you tell Sandstorm about wanting me too?"

"I kinda haven't told her yet. She's still waiting for me to respond."

"… Fireheart. You are a mousebrain. You don't keep a molly waiting like that. Go! Let her know how you feel. If she can't accept that, I'll still be her for you."