Chapter 75: Debriefing

When Darkstripe finally got home, the clan was so different from what he knew. Bramblepaw was so much bigger. He was taller than Darkstripe. Cloudtail looked so much more mature. He may have been a warrior when Darkstripe left, but he was clearly all grown up now. His eyes shined with the keen intelligence he fostered under his adoptive father and his mother. Along side him was who Darkstripe last remembered as Brightpaw. She looked like a warrior now, her scars a mark of her failures and victories.

When Darkstripe entered the camp, he was swarmed by his clanmates. Apparently, Firestar made it no secret that he was the spy in Tigerstar's camp. He felt himself rumbling with joy that his clanmates held no ill will to him. Despite the battle on the horizon, Darkstripe felt safe for once in the longest time. He let all his clanmates brush up against him and ask their questions. Fortunately, Firestar shooed them off for a debriefing. Together with Sandstorm, Whitestorm, Cinderpelt, and Firestar, Darkstripe entered the leader's den.

"It's good you're finally home. I think we should hear about your time away from us." Mewed Firestar.

"Where do I even begin? I guess the first obvious thing you should know is that Tawnypaw apparently snuck after me to leave the clan as well. Given the attention we gave Bramblepaw, she felt the only attention she got was negative attention. She's still in Shadowclan and seemed much happier there. Anyways, moving on. When I met Tigerstar, he bought my lie that I left due to you being a former kittypet. He also misread my nervousness as well. He thought I was crushing on him."

Darkstripe visibly gagged after the statement.

"I… went along with it. I needed him to trust me unquestionably. It was not a pleasant experience. I swear his pelt felt like pressing into a thorn bush. I always felt dirty or slimy wherever he touched. I couldn't clean it away either to keep up the façade. That feeling just never went away. I got an instinct on where he was because it felt like a wave of filth. I always felt so itchy.

At least Shadowclan wasn't all bad. Blackfoot was a good cat to get along with. I know his history, but he is a good cat despite it. He was the one that taught me the ways of Shadowclan. I in turn taught him what I believe it means to be a clan, for purely selfish reasons."

Sandstorm interrupted Darkstripe. "Oh. And what do you think being a clan means?"

Darkstripe tilted his head as if confused. "I thought that was obvious. A clan is just a big family. Blackfoot, probably Blackstar by now, just needed to be reminded of it. You should have seen how his personality turned around after our discussion. He went from Tigerstar's deputy to the deputy of Shadowclan. That doesn't sound like a change, but who he was working so hard for did. Honestly, he was my best friend in Shadowclan.

We met with Bloodclan, and I hashed out a deal with Tiny. We set up a deal with our real names, so our deal wasn't valid. That way Tiny or as you know him Scourge could double cross Tigerstar. As you can tell, it mostly worked. I don't know why Scourge wants to fight us now.

Then something else happened. I don't really want to talk about it."

The way Darkstripe's eyes drifted towards the floor and his posture sunk made Firestar press the issue.

"What happened? We're your clan. You can tell us. We won't judge you."

Darkstripe sank lower but conceded.

"Alright. Remember how I said Tigerstar thought I had a crush on him? He decided to 'reward' me. I can scarcely remember that night, but I know Tigerstar introduced me to his other mate, Sasha. She was a former kittypet and now rogue. Then everything gets foggy. Tigerstar did things to me. I don't know what all happened. I came to sometime at dawn feeling filthier than ever and sore in all the wrong ways. I spent so long cleaning myself, but it never felt like enough. I could still smell them."

Darkstripe was beginning to shake violently. Sandstorm and Firestar pressed into his sides gently as Cinderpelt intervened. "That's enough You don't need to talk about it more. That must have been a traumatic experience for you."

Darkstripe softly nodded before continuing. "Tigerstar brought us to Riverclan's camp and had me oversee it. Leopardstar was a hollow of her former self being so easily swayed by Tigerstar. Tigerstar somehow knew of Stonefur and Mistyfoot's parentage and felt the need to enact some kind of revenge under the pretense of removing halfclan cats. I conviced the pair to work with me before the raid. I'm sure you know the rest. I worked with Leopardstar to reestablish her leadership and gave her advice on who she needs as a deputy to maintain her clan. I mostly kept myself distant, so she didn't grow to need me. The rest was what you saw. I gave Tigerstar a taste of what he put me through, and Scourge finished him."

Whitestorm dipped his head. "I was going to concede the deputy position to you when you got back, but I can tell what happened is still haunting you. Give yourself some time to reacclimate to the clan and try to recover. I'll be willing to step down when you're ready."

Darkstripe gave him an appreciative look before Cinderpelt and Whitestorm left the den. It felt nice to be alone with his real mates again. He didn't need to keep looking over his shoulder and doctor his words to manipulate cats to think his way.

Firestar set to grooming Darkstripe with Sandstorm. Darkstripe was purring contently until Firestar reached the base of Darkstripe's tail. Darkstripe winced and hissed reflexively.

"Don't touch there! Just don't… I… It just feels wrong. It makes me feel like he's here."

Firestar gave Darkstripe an apologetic look and moved away from that spot. Instead, he moved back to grooming Darkstripe's ears which got the dark tabby purring again. Sandstorm also moved away from that spot, settling in beside Darkstripe with her own purring. Hers were less genuine due to her own thoughts. How could Darkstripe always be the victim of such misery? How did he keep going? There was no answer to Darkstripe's trauma but time. She'd be there for him knowing things would be over soon. Maybe then they could settle down and make some time to make some happier memories.