Penitence Part II

As soon as they got home, Susan greeted Neil, who hadn't budged from his spot on the couch. She made sure he knew she had gotten his beer and went to stash it in the fridge before starting on putting away the groceries. Max decided to help her so as to not break the momentum of their mother-daughter bonding. It was nice to feel a connection to her mother where they weren't bickering about how girly Max needed to be. She felt heard—no—seen by her mom, and it had her feeling lighter on her feet.

Max patted her pocket where the Metallica tape rested. She planned to give it back to Billy and tried to imagine the look on his face knowing he had it back. Would he be shocked? Would he smile? It wasn't his radio, but he loved Metallica just as much. He listened to that damn tape so much that even Max could probably recite the lyrics. But at what point should she give it to him? His door hadn't even cracked open since yesterday. Should she knock and just hand it to him? No . . . he probably wouldn't like that.

Before she knew it, it was dinner time. She fought the urge to scowl when Neil had suggested to her mother that they should order Chinese takeout. He never wanted to go to the restaurant, and the last time, Max had finally asked why. His response still soured in her stomach: "I'm not eating around those damn chinks . . . I mean who wants to have dinner in the damn place where they hack up dogs and cats." Even the way his lip had curled in disgust had set Max on edge. How could someone be so vile that they would refer to people in such a horrible way? Somehow ordering takeout was okay by him, but even just looking at his face while he ate as though he never said those words made her hate him all over again. Still don't know what she sees in him.

Neil was actually taking his day off to make up for her mom's birthday, insisting they all sit together and enjoy dinner as a family. Max was hoping to have a lovely dinner with her mom alone, and the disappointment of seeing him come into the kitchen settled into her bones. No matter how much she tried to understand her mother's decision to be with a man like him, she knew she never really would.

Neil flexed his arms up and down as he sat in his chair, obviously still worn out and sore from dishing out last night's punishment. Max fought to hold in her scowl. The shame that arose helped with that. She was just as responsible . . . She might as well have handed him the power cord.

Max was startled when Neil called Billy. It was a gruff, loud yell that echoed in the silence of the kitchen. Why does he have to be so damn loud? No one answered. He paused before trying again. When Billy didn't respond, Max tensed. Neil wiped his mouth with his hand and stood, his chair tumbling back slightly. He got halfway out of the kitchen before Max shot from her seat.

"I'll get him," she said.

She didn't wait for a response and didn't look back to Neil's dismay. Just rushed down the hall as fast as her feet would carry her. Only glancing at her mother who gave her a look of encouragement and a nod. She didn't want to see what would happen if Neil went to get him either.

Max's steps slowed the closer she got to Billy's room. She kept her hand to her pocket as though protecting the cassette tape inside it. At his door, she stopped and took a deep breath. She lightly knocked. "Billy?" The words came out soft.

No one answered.

Maybe he didn't hear me?

She tried again, only for the same results. Taking another deep breath, she opened his door with a soft creek. "Billy?"

She heard the soft snoring first, then saw Billy sleeping on his stomach, face buried deep in the pillow he was hugging. How long has he been sleeping?

She quietly stepped inside. His room smelled of cigarettes and hairspray. Her eyes wandered over to that poster of that blond woman in a red bikini. So typical. She felt she'd see all types of wrong in there. Actually, being in his room felt wrong . . . she didn't belong, but now she was committed, and getting him to the dinner table was the only option. Whatever it takes.

As she entered, something told her to close his door. It was risky being trapped in there with him, but if he started yelling at her, she didn't want Neil to hear. This was a no-trigger Neil night . . . None of them were in a hurry to see a repeat of that punishment . . . even if Neil was.

She slowly approached the bed. Billy must have been bored to be sleeping so early. Or maybe he was still whipped from yesterday, no pun intended. As far as she knew, Neil hadn't grounded him. Well, besides staying in the house all day.

Max noticed the yellow concert flier crumpled up in his trash can. Her heart sank, the guilt arising again.

No more, no more, no more.

She turned back to Billy. He wore a navy deep-cut tank top, his skull tattoo on full display. One leg was hiked up and bent at the knee out from under his green sheets. She couldn't help but stare at the bruises and welts sprinkled with cuts on his thighs just below his shorts. Her gut churned and she winced when she saw the clearly outlined purple buckle marks on his hamstring. If that looked bad, she knew his butt had to look ten times worse. No wonder he can't sleep on his back.

Max took her eyes from his legs. Billy was tense, not peaceful as she last saw. It's like he was on guard even when unconscious. His fight or flight never left him . . . always expecting his dad to lash out again so soon after a punishment.

"Billy . . . Billy," she said softly.

She lightly tapped his shoulder and his body jolted with a startled inhale. His eyes were frantic as a sense of panic and fear contorted his face. He blinked rapidly to clear the bleariness as he tried to focus on who was standing above him. When he spotted Max, those eyes, still red from sleep, went dark.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?" His voice was groggy but riddled with an animalistic growl that had Max's stomach sinking.

Max felt her legs shake. It took her a second to find her words. Please don't lash out at me. "Dinners ready."

"Not hungry."

"Didn't ask you–" Max clamped her mouth shut. She hated that it was instinct to bite back a retort every time he spoke, but this wasn't the time for that.

"Maaax . . ." he dragged. "Get. The fuck. Out." His words were slow. Deep. Dangerous.

This isn't going how I thought it would . . . "But–"

"Out! Get the fuck out!" His deafening words made her jump. Before she could think, he threw his pillow at her with so much force, she stumbled back into the door with a thud. A part of her desperately wanted to throw it back, but she controlled herself, hoping Neil didn't hear him yell. She'd have to give the tape to him later. It was too soon to make amends anyway. He'll never hear me out at this rate.

Billy's glare was fiery, as though he were trying to burn a hole through her skull. Max took a step towards the door, but she couldn't just walk out. Neil would be on him so fast. But she couldn't drag Billy out herself either, so words would have to do.

"Ok," she said, walking to the door. He laid his head back on his spare pillow. She opened the door and paused. "Neil's waiting at the table."

Billy's eyes flashed back open.

Max walked out slowly and heard Billy groan. He furiously ripped the sheets off him and shuffled out of bed, cursing under his breath. Max sighed. She didn't intend to mention Neil out of spite, but she knew Billy would take it that way. She just needed him to move and needed Neil to stay at the table.

Back in the dining room, she sat at the table, Neil and Susan staring with questioning looks. Neil looked ready to pounce if he needed to. Why does it always seem like he's looking for a reason to hurt Billy?

"He's coming . . . He was just asleep," she added for good measure. She didn't want Neil to think Billy was ignoring him.

Billy came out wiping the sleep from his eyes, now wearing gray sweatpants. Still half asleep, he plopped down in the chair, quickly shooting back up when a shot of pain crawled through him. He then lowered himself slowly. Leaning forward slightly and holding the corners of his chair to ease the pressure.

Neil scoffed as he spooned rice onto his plate. "Drama queen. Don't be so melodramatic. What? Is your little spectacle supposed to make me feel bad?"

Billy didn't say anything. Just kept his scalding eyes on the table.

"You look like shit," Neil said to him.

Max scowled. Can't you just eat your dinner and leave us all alone?

Billy gave him an angry look, unnerving. Max never realized how similar they both looked, especially when angry. Eventually, Billy turned his eyes back to the table.

Billy wasn't even trying to hide his anger. With him, being half awake was practically him being drunk. No filter in place when he'd just woken up. It's like he always woke up annoyed to see a new day. With Neil around, she didn't blame him. But she didn't make it any better by being the first face he saw when he woke up. If anything, that only made it worse.

"I'll get you a plate, Billy." Susan went to the cupboards and paused. "Huh?" She opened the cabinet door next to it and leaned back, mumbling to herself. "Are we missing a plate? I could have sworn we had it. Did I not pack it?"

Max froze. She completely forgot about that broken plate. She glanced at Billy. She didn't know if he would say anything . . . If he'd blame her. Should she speak before him? But to her surprise, Billy just kept his eyes glued to the table and said nothing.

Max didn't know whether to be happy or sad about that. He was glum, yes, but it was obvious anger seeped from him. Max would tell her mother about the plate later. No way she'd do it in front of Neil. Seeing how he reacted anytime something went wrong, he'd find a way to blame Billy even if Max never mentioned his name. The very last thing she wanted was to douse the fire . . . again.

Brushing her wonder aside, Susan placed a plate in front of Billy. He stared at it for a moment before grabbing the box of chow mein.

"So, you were asleep already?" Neil said. "What have you been doing all day?"

Billy shrugged. "Just the usual."

"That doesn't sound too good."

He looked at Neil with disbelief. "I didn't do anything," he said, a hint of exasperation seeping into his words.

Neil raised a brow, giving him an "are you crazy" look. Billy tried again, this time, softer.

"I only went to get the cake. That's all. I swear."

Neil let his gaze linger, as though to make Billy squirm. And like last night, Billy was locked again, unable to pull his eyes away. His freedom only came when Neil nodded.

Max hadn't realized she had stopped dumping broccoli onto her plate until her mom called her name. She passed the carton and moved to the rice. It was like she waited for Billy to let his grumpiness get the best of him and for Neil to snap. How was the tension always so thick when the two of them were within five feet of one another?

Max thought Billy would pick at his food again, but he dug right in, eating sloppily and quickly. She hadn't seen him leave his room all day. He must not have eaten since yesterday, especially since Neil wouldn't let him eat at the restaurant. He's got to be starving by now.

"Slow down," Neil said. "What are you? A pig? Show some manners."

Billy slowed but took big scoops, barely chewing before swallowing.

Oh . . . Max thought, finally understanding. He was trying to eat as quickly as possible so he could leave. To get away from the family dinner as fast as he could manage. With Neil here, she wanted to do the same.

Eventually, Billy was the first to finish. He stood, ready to leave.

"Wait, where are you going?" Neil said.

Billy scrunched his brows. "To my room?"

"No. Sit back down."

Billy did as he was told without question but slipped when he gave an annoyed sigh and rolled his eyes ever so subtly. Max held her breath. Did he want to get his eyes knocked to the back of his head? Could last night really not be stuck in his mind like it was in hers? Billy, wake up and stop this!

"You got a problem with staying at the table?"

"No sir."

"Do you need another reminder about attitude?"

If he wasn't fully awake already, that seemed to do it. The frustrated look in Billy's eyes immediately dropped, replaced with something Max could only describe as childlike, like a kid being scolded after being caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Billy's hand slowly slipped to the side of his thigh. He shook his head. "No, sir."

"Good. You owe it to Susan to stay anyway."

Neil balled up his napkin and threw it on his plate. He stood up with a screech of his chair and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a rounded whipped cake and candles. Billy must have picked it up at the store that afternoon when she and her mom were out. Looking at the cake made her stomach stir uncomfortably. She wasn't sure she could even choke down a piece after everything that had happened.

Max put her fork down as Neil set the cake in front of Susan, who hadn't even finished her plate yet. She seemed surprised at what was going on, though Max couldn't understand why. Especially after Neil made it very clear that Billy would be picking up the cake. Susan pushed her plate aside, trying to hide what looked like a frown, and Max mirrored her movements.

"Happy Birthday, honey," he said, barely a smile as he lit the candle with a lighter. Max cringed at the name. It never sounded right coming from him.

Max's mom smiled and thanked him. And for a second, no one moved. Neil turned to Max and Billy, and a sudden dreadful understanding of what he wanted burned brightly like the flame on the candle.

He wanted them to sing.

Max never objected to singing happy birthday, especially for her mom. She only objected when it was with someone like him. This was about control . . . his control. Especially making sure that Billy knew his place and stayed there. And in some ways, this was his control over Susan and Max, who never really dared step a foot out of place.

She didn't know how it started, or how she managed to force the words out of her mouth when Neil motioned for them to start. Max just tried to focus on her mother. She was singing for her, not for Neil. Max had a decent voice, not one that could land her a record deal, but it was enough. She was actually surprised Neil would even be caught dead singing. His voice was strange. Dark. And Billy . . .

Max glanced at him only briefly. He was slumped in his seat, a drab. Seeming to only mouth the words. Neil seemed to have noticed as well, because when they came to the last "Happy birthday to you," he didn't sing it, leaving Max to finish off the song herself. He stopped and watched Billy with a dark, ominous expression. One that said this wasn't close to over. And more than anything, Max wanted this to be done. One glance at her mother told her she wanted the same thing.

Like so many other nights, the tension in the room thickened even more. But this was sticky, like tar, the kind that made it impossible to move. The kind that made you sink, and fast.

"Thank you," Susan said when no one spoke for a moment. She went to blow out her candle, but Neil raised a hand to stop her.

"Wait," he said. He gave a dry laugh, wagging his finger almost playfully. "I don't think you got a proper song. I think Billy forgot the lyrics half of the way." He turned to Billy, giving a tight, frighteningly plastic smile that made Max shiver. "Want to try again?"

Of course Neil wasn't actually doing this for Susan. It was about him once again. Beating Billy into submission would never be enough. Now he had to bring humiliation into it as well. Thoroughly put him back where he thought Billy belonged . . . under his heel.

Billy looked, his face flushed red with embarrassment. Neil cleared his throat loudly and motioned for the song to be sung again. When Max began to sing, Neil held up a hand with a shake of his head, silencing her. Billy's eyes widened as he realized he was being made to sing alone, and the fight left his body. His voice was dry and came out as a croak when he began again. The words were forced, quiet even, and there was a tremble in his voice like he was holding back tears. It was painful to watch. Max found herself looking anywhere but at Billy. The somewhat smug look in Neil's eyes was enough to make her want to scream. When would it be enough for him?

The song ended, and Billy's voice trailed off. He looked empty and sunken in his chair, as though his body was left behind, but his soul had finally left. His eyes were vacant as he stared at that stupid cake. Max felt her shame ready its angry mouth to swallow her up.

Susan's smile was forced and tight as she blew out her candle. Neil went to cut the cake, serving each of them a piece. Max half expected the cake to reach out and slap Billy just for good measure. The joyful pink frosting was a mockery of the mood in the room. She didn't want to eat something that should make you smile . . . It felt wrong.

This time, Billy sat, picking at his cake. He ate slowly, like he'd throw up if he took another bite. Max felt the same way, but swallowed her cake just to try and make this whole charade end sooner. To get as far from Neil as she possibly could. To find a way to make things better with Billy.

"Can I be excused?"

The soft, beaten voice snapped Max's head to attention. Once again, she was shocked. She never heard Billy ask that, not since they were younger. He'd typically just get up and leave. Or not show up to dinner at all.

"No," Neil said plainly.

Max could tell Billy really wanted to question his dad, but he held his tongue. Neil leisurely finished his cake. As soon as he did, Susan started on collecting the dishes. But once again, Neil stopped her with a wave of his hand.

"Don't bother with the dishes tonight. Billy's got it covered."

Billy's eyes widened. "That's . . . not my job," he said carefully.

"It is for the week."

Billy opened his mouth to complain, to question him, but Max quickly blurted, "But it's my night. I have dishes." Don't do this. Don't add one more reason to make him hate me more.

"Now it's his punishment for the week, among other things." He turned to Billy, who looked like he wanted to lash out with complaints. "Unless you want a little maintenance every night instead. I can arrange for it."

Billy bit his tongue, his jaw clenching with the effort to stay silent. His eyes weren't vacant anymore, but now held the unleashed fury he was trembling with.

"Not a rhetorical question."

"No, sir."

"No, what?"

"I don't want that, sir."

"Then go do the damn dishes."

It took everything in Billy not to grumble or stomp around the table as he got up to collect the plates. He didn't even bother looking at Max when he retrieved hers and disappeared into the kitchen.

Eventually, the table was cleared, and everyone dispersed to do their own things. Max waited until everyone was gone before slipping into the kitchen. The sound of running water stopped as Billy placed a plate in the drying rack and started to scrub furiously at another.

Max grabbed a drying towel from the stove and crept beside him. As he washed, Max started drying. Billy noticed but said nothing, trying to pretend as though she wasn't there. She kept looking at him. Everything about him now seemed tired . . . slow . . . sad.

Defeated.

"Get away from me, Max," he suddenly said, almost eerie, never taking his eyes from the dishes.

I have to make this better. Whatever it takes.

"No," she simply said.

Billy narrowed his eyes at her. She knew he couldn't go anywhere, so long as there were dishes in the sink. And he seemed to know that she knew. She had about six plates left.

"Come to rub it in my face?" he spat and started to say more, but clenched his jaw shut again. He'd been scrubbing the same plate this whole time, and she wondered if it would break under his grip.

"No."

He sighed heavily. "Then what? Is this some stupid form of pity?"

"This isn't pity. It was my night. Last day grounded, remember?"

"Your grounding ended today."

Max paused. He was keeping track? Crap . . . What should I say to that? I want to make up for what I did? I'm sorry I got you into the beating of a lifetime? Sorry I had to watch . . .

Silence. Billy seemed to pick up the pace washing and rinsing. So she spit out the first thing that came to mind.

"Are you ok?"

Billy's hands stilled. And Max held her breath. Shit. It was a stupid question, and she knew it. He was far from ok. And asking that after she caused this was like pouring salt on a wound.

He slowly turned to her. Actually looked at her. All his hate for her flashed in an instant, his eyes going dark and dangerous. His face and neck went red as he leaned in and lowered his voice, to a scathing tone. It was like he wanted to strangle her instead of the plate. She couldn't blame him.

"The girl who changed the time on my watch, slashed my tire, made me late, and got me punished, not once but twice, is asking me if I'm ok?" Billy's body tensed, on the verge of springing. His fists trembled as he gripped the plate tighter. She knew if he wanted to, he could unleash that anger on her with ease. "I'm pretty fucking far from OK."

Max gripped the plate in her hand tightly. She was shaking so much, she thought it'd slip from her fingers. "Billy, I'm–"

"DON'T . . . say it. Don't you fucking say it. This is all your fault, and no apology is going to change a damn thing," he growled, now in her face. "So do me a favor and get. The fuck. Away from me."

"What's going on here?" a deep voice barked out, startling them both.

They both turned.

Neil stood in the doorway with a questioning gaze. "Had to make sure you were doing those damn dishes since you were so . . . reluctant . . . and look what I find."

Billy stood up straight and took a step back, some fury dropping from his face. Max noticed, and quickly stuttered a response.

"I-I'm just . . . helping Billy with the dishes," she said, trying to give Neil no time to go further into his own assumptions.

Neil switched his gaze. "I said this was your punishment. You can't even do dishes without getting help from someone?"

"No no, he didn't ask. I just started helping."

"Uh huh . . ." Neil took his hand from the wall and made slow, heavy footsteps towards Billy. Billy was frozen, his furious shaking now switched to fearful.

Neil passed Max as though she were an inanimate object, then stopped, his face merely inches from Billy's. "So we're letting little girls speak for us now?"

Billy's eye twitched at the clear insult, but he didn't move, didn't dare show any emotion that could make this any worse. He wanted to tell Neil to his face, "I didn't ask her to help me," but the words just wouldn't leave his lips. The fear gripping him wouldn't let him.

"You do every dish over again. This time without any help. I'll be back to check, do you understand?"

Billy slowly nodded. "Yes, sir."

The dominance was ever present once again. Neil gave Billy one last look, then to Max. "Leave him to his chores," he said to her before leaving. Max felt relief as he did. She turned to Billy, who seemed relieved as well. But his eyes hardened when he looked at her again. She'd made it worse . . .

Max slowly placed the plate on the rack. "Sorry," she whispered and made her way to the hall.

She knew he didn't want it. Heard him sneer at it. Yet she couldn't help but say it. But sorries could only go so far. Now it seemed she had to try even harder to make it up to him. Somehow. But for the night, she had one last gesture.

Max slipped into Billy's room and placed the Metallica cassette tape on his bed before going into her room.

She watched through her cracked door when he returned to his room over 10 minutes later. He saw the cassette and stared at it, like he'd seen a ghost. Max held her breath, half expecting him to look back, whether to glare at her or curse her. But Billy snatched up the tape and threw it on the ground across the room before slamming his door shut. The harsh slam made her jump. He hates it . . .

She wasn't sure how to feel. She didn't expect him to jump for joy or anything, in fact, she wasn't really expecting much of anything. But seeing him toss something he loved . . . it just hurt more. Was there no going back from this? Had she really gone too far this time?

All she had wanted to do was make things right. To apologize for keeping silent, not once, but twice . . . to try and not repeat the same mistake of lashing out at him every time he wronged her. She wanted to fix her recent blunders . . . her need for revenge.

Max bit her lip as she remembered her mother's words, " . . . don't do things out of guilt . . . Be consistent and persistent . . . Do it because you want things to be different. To be better."

And she wanted things to be better.

Right then and there, Max decided. She wouldn't let his anger sway her this time, no matter what he said or did, she would find a way to make things better. She'd show him, make it up to him. Somehow. Some way.

I won't give up on you Billy. I won't give up so easily. Not this time.

To be continued . . .

A/N: For those who don't know, when Neil said "maintenance," he's referring to a "maintenance spanking," which is basically a scheduled spanking that is given on a regular basis even if a person has done nothing wrong. It is to remind someone to behave and/or to prevent other misdeeds.

Also, updated this chapter a little early just because. The next chapter will be updated Sunday before 5 pm EST. I promise this time :D