Warnings for this chapter: This chapter leads right up to the wedding night - extremely dubious consent or spousal rape.
11. A CONSUMMATE AFFAIR
"Voldemort, can we go?" she asked, not caring that she was interrupting his conversation with Lucius. She still felt jittery – not on the outside, her hands were steady, her palms dry, her breathing even – but on the inside, underneath her skin, a crawly, fluttery feeling of unease.
The red-eyed man turned to her, one of his black eyebrows lifting in surprise as he studied her before his lips started to curl into a smirk. "I suppose it is getting rather late… and we still have things to accomplish."
She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from making a sharp retort and clenched her hands behind her back so that she wouldn't accidentally slap the smirk from his smug face. "Can we go or not?"
"Sure," he replied easily, still smirking, and took a step closer, crowding into her space as he had done all day. "Anything for you, my little wife."
Her scoff turned into an undignified squeak when he suddenly swung her up into his arms. "What are you doing?!"
"It's tradition to carry the bride over the threshold," he replied with a widening smirk.
Someone somewhere started to clap, another person hollering something she was glad she hadn't caught, as more and more guests joined in the applause. She kept her eyes fixed on one of the buttons of Voldemort's shirt, refusing to acknowledge any of the people who thought this was cause for celebration. Instead she curled her fingers tighter around the small potions bottle, pressing her fingers against the sharp ridges, and reminded herself that she couldn't panic. She was calm. And she would get through this.
Tom said a few words, but it all sounded like white noise in her ears, and then he whispered a word in Parseltongue and she felt the tearing sensation of a hook behind her navel as she was jerked from one place to another.
"Welcome to Slytherin Castle," Tom declared with undeniable pride in his voice, still holding her in his arms and seeming to have no intention of letting her down any time soon as he slowly walked through a large entrance hall that brought back unhappy memories of the Chamber of Secrets, with large snake heads on either side and magical, green-lit waterfalls running up the walls. At the end of the hall, a large black gate swung open for them on silent hinges, leading to another hall with three staircases leading up, two staircases leading down and a number of black doors leading further into the castle.
"Our rooms are in the Main Tower. You can reach them by following the central staircase and turning left after the library. The dining hall is on the first floor." He indicated the second staircase on the left. "And down that way are the kitchens and the gardens. I'll be happy to give you the full tour tomorrow, but for right now, let's take a shortcut."
Before Holly could protest, they were already spinning and squeezing through an impossibly tight loop as Tom Apparated them into yet another hallway, this one with only one door that swung open in invitation at Tom's hiss, §Welcome Home.§
He smiled down at her, holding her a bit closer to his chest, and stepped through the doorway to carry her over the threshold. When he finally set her down again, she couldn't quite suppress the whimper as the room around her spun out of focus.
"Holly?" he demanded, his large hands landing back on her waist. "What is it?"
"Dizzy," she pressed out, closing her eyes.
"You've barely eaten anything. Do you want me to call for the house-elves to bring something up?" he asked, but she shook her head.
"It's not that. I hate Apparition. And I hate Portkeys," she muttered, biting back a groan and moving away from his hands.
"Ah, of course, I should have guessed," Tom said, taking her by the elbow and moving her to sit down in a chair. "Your magic is still in flux, which makes you very sensitive to changes in your surroundings and the ambient magic. Try to breathe deeply and focus on your core – on the place from where you draw your magic."
Holly did her best to follow his advice, actually starting to feel a little better. "How did you know?"
"I had the same problem when I was younger," he replied easily, softly touching her cheek. "Your magic will settle with time and it will be easier once you learn to Apparate on your own. And I will also give you more of a warning next time."
"Thank you," Holly murmured, carefully peeking up to look at her new surroundings.
"Ah, yes, welcome to our rooms," Tom said, pulling her to her feet. "The password is §Welcome Home§ in Parseltongue, as you may have heard. I usually change it every couple of weeks so you can help me pick the next one. As I mentioned there's a library, but you're also welcome to read any of the personal books I have here. I added this desk for your use – for your homework and correspondence. We have the bathroom over there. The door locks with a key – if you should feel the need for privacy, I will respect that. The bedroom is through here and you will find a walk-in closet behind the landscape painting to the left. Your house-elves have probably already started unpacking your things, but if you're missing anything, you can always ask me. Do you have any questions so far?"
Holly mutely shook her head, wishing she could muster even a bit of curiosity for what would be her new home. But it all paled in comparison.
"Holly…"
"May I use the bathroom?" she interrupted him, feeling panic lick like tiny flames against the thin protective film of artificial calm from Snape's potion.
"Of course," Tom replied, but she was already pulling the bathroom door closed behind her, turning the key twice for good measure.
She barely looked around the bathroom and instead took the two steps up to the round bathtub that was fitted into an alcove, balancing along the rim to reach the small window behind it. She jerked it open, feeling a little better as soon as the cool night air hit her face. She curled up in front of it, her back pressed against the hard stone wall and her eyes staring sightlessly into the darkness.
She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, trying not to think, trying to clear her mind, trying not to panic, when a knock on the door made her startle.
"Holly? Are you okay in there?" She puffed out a slow breath, wondering how he would react if she gave him an honest answer.
"I'll be out in a minute," she called back instead, reluctantly closing the window and leaving her perch.
Besides the grand bathtub, the bathroom was equipped with a spacious shower, a toilet behind a privacy screen and two washbasins fitted into the stone counter. She checked the mirrored medicine cabinet first, finding that one half of it was stocked with potions bottles, finely labelled in Snape's spikey handwriting, while the other half was filled with miscellaneous objects such as q-tips and nail clippers, a package of band aids and a box of her tampons. She closed it again, instead starting to pull open the drawers underneath the counter, finally finding what she had been looking for in the second drawer, beneath a small box with her hair ties. She quickly took out her earrings and placed them in the box for safekeeping, hating the thought that Voldemort might even briefly touch something that had belonged to her mother. She hesitated another moment, slowly uncurling her fingers from the Calming Draught still in her hand. Then she dropped it into the drawer without taking another sip.
When she left the bathroom, Tom got up from his armchair. He had shed his dress robes and toed off his shoes and she stared blankly at his socked feet as he approached her, as slowly as if he thought he might spook her. "Holly, look at me please. I know you're nervous, but I promise I won't hurt you. We can take it as slowly as you'd like – even if that means that for tonight, you only want to share a few kisses and let me help you out of this dress that looks so wonderful on you. You don't have to be afraid."
He smiled at her, so very gently as if he truly meant for her to believe him, as if he thought that a few kind words or a couple of days reprieve would change how she felt. Would erase the cold print of the contract or the clause he had insisted on. It was easy for him to play nice now, she thought bitterly, to give himself magnanimous and accommodating when he knew there was no real choice for her.
"You said you would use contraception," Holly reminded him, knowing and not caring that it wasn't the answer he'd been looking for. "If you're going to use a spell I want you to do it now. Or I have these."
She held out the foil strip of condoms she had nicked from Sirius and Remus and dropped them in Tom's hand when she noticed that her own was beginning to shake. "I don't think we will need these, Holly," he said, still in that same soft, gentle voice. "I'll be happy to do the spell, if you'll allow me. You might feel a slight tingle in your belly, but it will be absolutely safe for you."
His wand slid into his hand and she had to stop herself from taking a lunging step back when he pointed it at her midriff. "Contraceptus." He waved his wand in a lying eight, a cloud of soft yellow light wafting from the tip of his wand and settling around her form for a moment before she felt the promised tingle deep in her belly and the light dissipated.
"Will you have to do this every time?" she asked, watching warily as he pocketed his wand again.
"No, the effects will last until the charm is lifted," he replied, dropping the foil strip down on one of the side tables and then moving closer again, taking her face between his hands and leaning down to claim her lips in a kiss. It was soft and gentle, light pressure and slow movements, almost sweet, almost loving. And she still wanted to curl away from it.
He pulled back finally, his red eyes warmed by his smile as he tenderly rubbed his thumbs over her cheekbones before his fingers slid into her hair. "You're so very beautiful, Holly. Like a princess from a fairy tale and I know I'm no Prince Charming, but I don't have to be a monster, either. When we're in here, when we're in our rooms, I'll just be Tom, your husband and the man who wants to make you happy."
Holly took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "Just Tom?" It was wishful thinking, nothing more, and she doubted it would help. But her honesty wouldn't change anything, might only delay things and make everything even more awkward. If Voldemort – Tom – wanted to pretend, she could do him that favour. At least one of them would be happy and she might get through this before the Calming Draught wore off.
"Just Tom," he agreed, pressing another chaste kiss to her lips and smiling charmingly, his white teeth gleaming in his tan face, soft crinkles appearing around his striking red eyes, his pitch-black hair falling in perfect, accurate waves. "And tonight we don't have a history, only a future and I'm sure it will be amazing."
"Okay," Holly whispered, allowing him to take her hand and following him into the bedroom.