Later that afternoon, Nathan rode home feeling both relieved and guilty. He was relieved that he wasn't still in town dealing with the brawl that had broken out at the café. The four men involved, all had different stories about what and how the fight had started. Statements from the other patrons at the café had not been helpful. Most of those were either 'I didn't see anything until they were already fighting' or managed to create yet another version of the events. Given the broken, dishes and furniture, Bill had already informed the men that someone was taking responsibility for the damage even if that somebody ended up being all four of them.
Arriving in the café, both Nathan and Gabriel had helped Bill, who was trying to break up the fight. Between the three of them, the four men were separated. When they started shouting accusations about who had started it, all four managing to blame someone different, Nathan and Gabriel had marched all four of them over to the jail still spouting accusations. Leaving Gabriel to deal with the four men in the cells, Nathan had gone back to the café to take statements, Bill's included. Returning about twenty minutes later with very little corroboration in the statements, Nathan had found Gabriel simply sitting in his chair while the four men argued amongst themselves. At Nathan's questioning look, Gabriel had simply shrugged his shoulders and told him, "every question I asked got answered with an argument." Nathan had simply handed him the paper he had written the statements from the café on. Gabriel had sighed and then told him, "go home, Nathan. It is going to be a long evening."
Nathan had looked from Gabriel, to the four men arguing, and back to Gabriel. "Go," his friend had said again.
Not arguing further, Nathan had left the office. Going to the stables, he had saddled Newton and headed home. Finally pushing his guilt over leaving Gabriel to deal with the situation in the jail aside, Nathan let his thoughts go to the family waiting for him.
Somehow, the fact that his family did not fit a conventional definition of a family seemed fitting somehow. His family growing up had not been conventional. He and Ally had not been a conventional family. Now, Elizabeth and Jack were a part of that family and Nathan would not give them up for anything. He had been content with how things were. Giving the circumstances, things had been good between him and Elizabeth.
That being said, having Elizabeth next to him last night had not only been comforting, it had also felt right. He knew he needed to be gentle with Elizabeth. Lucas had put her through hell, and Nathan still had a feeling that Elizabeth was still sorting through the loss of Jack. Not that he blamed her. It had taken him years to work through his grief over Colleen. On occasion, moments of sadness over his older sister would come over him even now. Still, her words last night had soothed his feelings from the nightmare that had been haunting him since Fort Clay in a way that reassurances that he was blameless in that incident from others, never could. Elizabeth knew Jack in a way that others did not. If she said that Jack would not have blamed him, then surely he could believe her.
Nathan knew that last night would probably not be a regular thing. Elizabeth would probably return to the room she shared with Jack until the addition was finished. Lee expected that to be completed shortly. Nathan knew he would not pressure Elizabeth. As much as he would rather they shared a room even if things went no further than that, However, if Elizabeth wanted her own space, he would respect that.
Reaching home, Nathan spotted Ally and Jack playing in the front yard. Both kids came in his direction as soon as they heard him approaching. Reigning in Newton, Nathan dismounted so that he could receive hugs from his children. The fact that Allie stayed with Jack instead of running ahead, touched him. As they reaching him, both kids wrapped their arms around him and welcomed him home. Nathan hugged them both as he returned their greeting.
"Jack, would you like to ride Newton to the barn?" Nathan asked the boys as the children finally released him.
"Could I?" Jack asked, the two words holding both excitement and surprise.
"Yes," Nathan said, reaching down and picking the boy up. He settled Jack in the saddle, instructing him to hold tightly to the saddle horn. Nathan then turned to his daughter. "You want to ride too?"
Ally nodded happily. She had come to enjoy horseback riding and Nathan planned on getting her a horse for her next birthday now that they were back in Hope Valley.
With a little help from Nathan, Ally was soon settled behind Jack. Nathan then led Newton toward the barn. Inside the barn, Ally made sure Jack stayed clear as Nathan untacked Newton and checked the horse's hoofs. When it came time for brushing the horse, the children helped. Ally brushed out Newton's neck and back, while under Nathan's supervision, Jack brushed the parts of the horse he could reach.
With Newton settled in his stall and eating his dinner along with Sergeant and Cosmo, the horse Nathan used to pull the wagon, Nathan and the kids headed back to the yard, Letting the kids return to their play, Nathan headed into the house. Hanging his hat on the coat rack, Nathan headed toward the kitchen.
"Would you like some help with dinner?" Nathan asked, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
Elizabeth was at the counter, cutting out circles of dough for biscuits. At the question she looked over at Nathan.
"That would be nice," Elizabeth told him.
"Let me just go upstairs and change first," Nathan told her.
Elizabeth looked quickly down at the dough in front of her, though she did nod in consent.
Nathan was a bit perplexed by the reaction. As he headed upstairs, he couldn't help but wonder if this morning's out of the ordinary events had troubled Elizabeth. Nathan rather hoped that wasn't the case. He had liked kissing his wife good-bye and then having her stand on the porch and see him off. He had been hoping that would become a new routine for them.
Again, he reminded himself he needed to be gentle with Elizabeth. While he had thought they were simply small additions to their normal morning routine, given all she had been through, they may have unsettled Elizabeth.
As he walked into his bedroom, Nathan immediately knew that something was off. Stopping just inside the doorway, he surveyed the room. He noticed right away that an extra pillow was now on his bed. A brush and mirror that he recognized as Elizabeth's now sat on top of the dresser. His curiosity piqued now, Nathan crossed to the closet. Opening the doors, he found dresses hanging beside his clothes. Elizabeth's robe hung next to his.
Apparently, he had not been the only one to enjoy sleeping near someone last night. His worry replaced with hope, Nathan reached for a shirt and pants. He quickly changed into the clothes, and hung up his uniform. Placing his high boots in the corner of the closet, Nathan grabbed his civilian boots, noting the extra pairs of shoes now lined up in the closet as well. Donning his shoes, Nathan went to the dresser. As he got his suspenders from the drawer, he was not at all surprise to see the feminine articles sharing the drawer now.
As Nathan left the room, he found himself humming. Going to the room that would now just be Jack's, Nathan retrieved one of the pictures of Jack Thornton Sr. in uniform from the collection of pictures. Though he had no problem with the pictures having been on display in here before, or now, Nathan was glad none had found their way into the master bedroom. Nathan did not think he could deal with that. However, he felt like there should be at least one picture of Jack somewhere that Elizabeth could easily enjoy it.
Photograph in hand, Nathan made his ways downstairs. Walking over to Elizabeth's desk, he placed the photograph there. He was sure it would not take Elizabeth long to find, but like the bedroom, he planned on simply letting her find it. Task complete, Nathan headed for the kitchen.
"I see you decided to rearrange things while I was at work today," Nathan commented casually as he walked into the kitchen.
Elizabeth had been placing the sheet of cut out biscuit dough in the oven. Closing the oven door, she straightened up and turned to him. "You don't mind do you?" Elizabeth asked quietly, her tentative tone matching the unease in her expression.
Nathan wondered if she really feared an unpleasant reaction from him or if the fear was a remnant of the experiences she had endured with Lucas. He put an easy smile on his face as he stopped several steps away from her. "Not at all," he replied, opening his arms to her. He wanted Elizabeth to know that she mattered to him. Her feelings and fears were valid, even if they did not fit the current situation. Yes, he wanted to hold her close right then but he wanted to invite her to accept that gesture, not force it on her.
Elizabeth hesitated briefly, before slowly stepping toward him. She felt tense as she stood close and rested her hands on his shoulders, gazing up at him. Nathan rested his hand on her lower back but resisted the urge to pull her close to him.
Patience, Nathan reminded himself.
"So, Gabe was asking how many rooms at the hotel we would need in Brookfield for his wedding," Nathan told her. Being invited by Faith, Elizabeth had already agreed to attend the September wedding for the event. "Is it safe to say that we only need the one for you, me and Jack?"
"Isn't Ally going?" Elizabeth asked, wondering if perhaps Ally had asked to stay with her grandfather who expected to arrive in Hope Valley the following day.
"She is, however, Ally was invited to stay at the orphanage with the other children. She jumped at the chance. As dear a friend as Opal is, I think Ally enjoys being with kids who have a sense of the hardships she has gone through, despite the differences in the details."
"That makes sense," Elizabeth conceded. "Yes. You can tell Gabriel that only one room will be required then," her cheeks flushing.
Again, Nathan resisted the urge to pull her close and take her lips with his. He had promised to love, protect and cherish Elizabeth. She was not his possession. No matter what his desires were, he needed to be careful with trying to determine what she was and was not comfortable with. He could sense that even now, despite willingly stepping close, Elizabeth was uneasy.
"Only . . ."
"What is it, Beth?" Nathan asked, wanting to know what was going through her head. The new nickname, which had simply slipped out that morning, seemed natural on his tongue and Nathan found that he rather liked it.
"Nathan, I enjoyed you kissing my cheek this morning," Elizabeth admitted tentatively. "I enjoyed having your arms around me last night. I enjoyed waking up in your arms this morning. It all makes me feel safe and cherished, and I hope that I was able to give you some comfort last night."
"You did, Beth," Nathan assured her. "I sense there is a but coming?" he prompted her gently.
Elizabeth met his gaze steadily even as she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "There is," she admitted. "I liked being in your arms last night. I am enjoying it now but Nathan, I am not ready for things to go any further than an embrace or a kiss on the cheek. Not yet," she told him. She paused before looking down and saying softer. "Maybe not ever."
Nathan moved one hand from Elizabeth's back. Placing his fingers under her chin, he lifted her head gently so that he could look into her eyes. "Beth I went into this union knowing that it could very easily remain two friends simply trying to help each other raise their children. I think we have moved past just a typical friendship at this point but if this casual relationship is all that you are ever comfortable with, then I will respect that. However, I want to be honest with you as well. I do still love you, Beth. Through all the pain and the time that has past, that has never changed. Believe me, I have tried to make myself stop loving you but I just could not do it then and I can't do it now."
Elizabeth opened her mouth, but Nathan moved his fingers from her chin and placed his index finger gently over her lips. "That being said, I will not ask more of you than you are willing to give. I will strive to not let my feelings and desires make things awkward for us. Know though that my love will always be there for you if you ever reach a point where you think you can return that love."
Elizabeth's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she looked up at him. She blinked a few times. "Oh, if only I had not made such a mess of things, I could have saved my son and myself so much pain."
"You and Jack are safe now. You are both healing. Ally and I are healing. 'for each parting- sweet memories when sorrow is done'," Nathan told her, quoting the last of the Emerson quote he was putting on the plaque. "We'll get to the point where we only dwell on those sweet memories eventually, Elizabeth. All we need is time."
With a sigh, Elizabeth let her hands slide from his shoulders and go around him. She let herself rest against him.
"I don't deserve your love," Elizabeth said, the words muffled against his shirt and she rested her head against him.
Nathan placed a kiss on the top of her head, as he wrapped his own arm around her loosely, ready to release her at the first indication from Elizabeth.
"You deserve my love, Beth. You deserve your son's love. You deserve to have good friends like Rosemary, Lee and Bill in your life. You deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. You deserve to find comfort in the memories you made with Jack, whose love you deserved as well. You are worthy of love, Beth. I know Lucas tried to strip you of all of that, but he didn't succeed. You just need to open yourself to it again."
Elizabeth did not respond to his words but then Nathan didn't need her too. He simply hoped that her heart was open to his words. That if he said them enough, she would start to believe them.
Nathan held Elizabeth quietly until she finally lifted her head from his chest and took a step back. Nathan let her go.
"We should get back to dinner preparations," Elizabeth said, turning from him and walking to the oven.
"What did you have planned?" Nathan asked, knowing that the moment between them had past but also knowing that it had likely opened the door to more moments like it in the future.
After dinner, Allie offered to clear the dishes. As he was starting to idolize his big sister, Jack offered to help. Knowing doing dishes with Jack made the task take longer, Elizabeth was about to try distracting her son. However, Ally's quick acceptance of his help made Elizabeth's heart swell with pride for the teen. She knew there would still be times when Ally would not want the boy tagging along from her own experiences with Julie, but the fact that Ally did spend time with Jack would help the boy's emotional well being.
With the children working on the dishes, Nathan asked her if she would mind if he went out to do some work in the wood shop. If he noticed the delay in her response, Nathan gave her no indication. However, after the past year of Lucas simply telling her what he was going to do, and often what she should do as well, Nathan's consideration took her off guard.
"That is fine," Elizabeth finally managed to tell him. "I will keep an eye on the children."
With a nod, Nathan had headed for his workshop. Elizabeth knew he had finished Bill's chair. She wondered if he would be working on the plaque tonight or if Nathan had started a new project. She knew that all she would need to do is ask, and Nathan would gladly share the information with her. Perhaps she would tonight.
Grabbing the last of the dishes from the table, she carried them to the kitchen so the kids would not need to come back to the dining room for them. With thanks from the children, Elizabeth placed the dishes with the others and then retreated to her desk in the sitting room. Though she did not feel like writing in her journal an idea for a new story had come to mind today. Elizabeth thought she might spend some time writing down her ideas for it. Given recent events, the fact that her protagonist for this story would be a self-sacrificing Mountie somehow did not surprise Elizabeth at all.
Reaching her desk, Elizabeth sat down. As she reached to open the drawer containing sheets of paper, something caught her attention. There staring back at her was the face of her late husband. Someone, namely Nathan, had taken one of the photographs from the bedroom she had been sharing with Little Jack and brought it down to her desk. Her hand went naturally to the locket around her neck. The locket that Nathan had given her so that she could hold onto a piece of Jack. The locket that Nathan had put back on her at their wedding. When she had come downstairs the next morning with it under her blouse, Nathan had gently pulled the locket out so that it rested atop her blouse.
"You are the woman I fell in love with because of Jack. There is no reason to hide his memory now."
Nathan's words that morning had given her hope and courage. Hope that things would be different. That the light would return to her life and the courage to walk into that light.
Elizabeth knew that she had. Looking around her house, she knew that this was what her fears had robbed from her for so long. What her fears had robbed from both of them.
Though she still hoped to work on her new story idea, Elizabeth reached now for her journal. Perhaps she did have something worth writing down in its pages after all.