20. GUARDIANS
When he woke the next morning, her side of the bed was cold and empty and even the mountain of blankets and pillows she had used to create a small rampart against him had disappeared, which actually helped him not to panic. When he went to verify his suspicions, he found that the door to the bathroom was locked, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was relatively early and though he doubted that her chosen bed for the night was as comfortable as the one in their bedroom, he decided to give her another hour or so to wake on her own.
He didn't have to wait that long, as it turned out, and less than half an hour later he heard some soft movements behind the bathroom door, some shuffling and the tap running. He made sure to present himself as non-threateningly as possible, choosing one of the armchairs at an angle to the door, a book open on his lap, but Holly still startled back when she saw him, her fingers helplessly clenching around the bundle of blankets in her arms.
"Holly, good morning," he greeted her with his softest smile, slowly rising to his feet and approaching her just as cautiously.
She didn't shy back, but he couldn't have said if that was because she felt no need to do so or because she was frozen in terror or because of Gryffindor pride. He reached out, carefully still, and took the accumulated bedding from her grasp, moved back a little and turned half away before he sent it back to their bedroom with a swish of his wand. When he focused back on Holly she looked even more lost.
"I would ask if you slept well, or if you're feeling better, but I've never been good at wilful ignorance," he admitted.
"I…" Holly shifted uneasily, then slipped past him, away from him to create more space between them. "I'm sorry."
"Kitten, I'm not looking for an apology," Tom corrected her, sinking back into one of the armchairs. "But maybe I could help you if you told me what's wrong. Did something happen during the meeting last night?"
"No," Holly whispered, biting her lip.
"Did I do something to upset you?" he hazarded next and Holly jerked as if he had struck her. "Holly… please tell me what's going on."
She hesitated for a long moment, but he didn't break the silence, determined to wait her out and get to the bottom of this, to get at least some answers.
When she finally spoke up her voice was soft and slightly wavery and she had her arms crossed over her chest as if to shield herself. "The book signing I mentioned last night, that was before Second Year. And in my Second Year the Chamber of Secrets was opened by the memory of your sixteen-year-old self, preserved in the diary Lucius slipped to Ginny Weasley when we were at Flourish & Blotts."
"Oh, Holly," Tom murmured, easily imagining how many bad memories must have been brought up by the conversation the night before. "I'm guessing you had a nightmare about that?"
She nodded hesitantly, finally sinking down onto the sofa and curling up into one of the corners. "You look like him, like the Tom Riddle I met through that diary, and this castle, with the high ceilings and dark walls and stone pillars and snakes everywhere, it reminds me of the Chamber sometimes, and then you spoke Parseltongue and there was Nagini and I just…"
"Hush, kitten, you don't have to explain, I understand now. Of course I understand," he whispered, wishing he could take her into his arms to soothe her fears. He sighed deeply. "I cannot undo all that happened in the past, but I wish you would let me explain…"
"Please, please, Tom, I can't. I just can't," she whimpered, tears starting to roll down her pale cheeks. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Okay, Holly, okay. Just… breathe," he pleaded, daring to move a little closer and rest his hand lightly on her knee. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"
Holly gasped in a few near-panicked breaths before she managed to look up at him. "Can… Can I talk to Sirius?"
It wasn't what he had wanted to hear, of course, but neither did he want to sit by and do nothing while his wife suffered through this alone. So he said, "How about this: You take a bit of time to get dressed and ready for the day, and meanwhile I will contact your godfather and see if he would like to come by for a visit."
"Really?" Holly asked, such a raw look of hope and gratitude in her eyes that his agreement came easily.
"Of course, little kitten," he promised gently, getting to his feet, but daring to drop a kiss onto her forehead before he withdrew completely. "Just remember that I'm also here if you need me."
"I know, Tom, I'm starting to get that," she assured him with a fleeting, but honest smile.
He smiled back, asking once again if there was anything she needed before he left to call Black from the fireplace in his study.
§*§*§*§*§
He was a bit surprised, pleasantly so, when Holly entered the dining hall shortly after lunch had started, without her godfather but with a small smile and a spring in her step. She good-naturedly rolled her eyes when they all rose to their feet, moving straight to his side and lifting up to press a small kiss to his cheek.
"Hi."
"Hi, yourself," Tom replied, wrapping a gentle arm around her slender waist and studying her carefully before politely settling her in her chair. "Where did you leave your godfather?"
"He has a job interview this afternoon," Holly explained with a soft shrug. "I didn't want him to cancel. But thank you for allowing him to come."
"Of course. I'm glad you're feeling better," Tom replied and Holly smiled again before turning to Rudolphus and handing him a heavy iron key. "Sirius gave me this for you. He says it should be the right key and as far as he's concerned the house is yours again, but if you need something in writing you can have your lawyer draw up the papers and he will sign – after thoroughly checking them."
She added the last with a roll of her eyes and a half-apologetic smile, but the two Lestranges hardly seemed to notice Black's little sideswipe, too amazed at what Holly had accomplished for them in only a few hours.
"Holly, I don't know where to even begin to express our gratitude," Rudolphus said.
"We had thought our family home all but lost to us forever," Rabastan agreed.
"And please give our thanks to your godfather as well," Rudolphus said again and Rabastan nodded.
"Sirius wasn't sure what state the house would be in. As far as he knows no-one has been there in years," Holly told them.
"We will have to check it out," Rabastan said before turning to Tom. "That is, if we might be excused for a few days while we are in the Normandy, my Lord?"
"Of course," Tom conceded graciously.
"Your home is in France?" Holly asked, a small, unhappy furrow appearing between her brows. "I guess that means you won't be around as much, now that you have it back…"
"It'll probably take a lot of work before it is ready for occupancy again so we will have to count on our Lord's hospitality for a while longer," Rudolphus told her kindly.
"And you will always be welcome to visit us," Rabastan continued brightly. "I'm sure you'd like it."
"Really?" Holly asked hopefully before her eyes darted towards Tom and her expression fell again.
"Perhaps we could arrange something for the next holidays. Once Rabastan and Rudolphus had time to ensure that neither their family nor the Blacks left any nasty surprises behind," Tom said, suppressing a sigh.
"Of course, my Lord," they agreed immediately, inclining their heads respectfully.
Holly cast him a testing look before her soft pink lips lifted in a smile and she leaned in to breathe another timid kiss against his cheek. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, but don't forget your lunch over all this excitement," Tom advised her, reaching out to brush a strand of her hair back behind her shoulder. "Did you even have breakfast?"
"Dobby brought us something," Holly reassured him, obediently reaching for a sandwich before remembering something else. "Oh, and I have a map for you with the new room assignments. Sirius helped me so that it updates automatically." She pulled a roll of parchment from her robes, handing it to him. "You can tap it with your wand to switch to the part of the castle you want to look at."
"Very clever," he murmured in vague approval, studying the map and finding to his surprise that Holly had not just assigned David a new room in one of the south towers, but also moved the Lestrange brothers into rooms on the opposite end of the castle, close to where Severus had his quarters. He briefly considered asking about that, but then turned to David instead, "Are you happy with your new quarters?"
"Yes, my Lord, I slept very well. Thank you," the grey-haired wizard answered.
Tom furrowed his brow, looking at Holly. "When exactly did you find the time to do all this? Didn't you go straight to bed last night?"
"There was a problem with Rudolphus' room when I went to change the password so I told them they could switch quarters," Holly replied with a tiny shrug. "And I knew that room in the tower would be perfect for David so I asked Dobby to show it to him last night."
Holly said it all like it was a matter of course, as if anyone else would have done the same in her situation, and Tom couldn't help but be a little blown away by her incredible talent for selflessness, by her capacity to care about others even while she herself had been struggling with her anxiety. He gently took her hand into his, pressing a few small kisses to her knuckles, and then just watched her surreptitiously for the rest of lunch.
It seemed to him that the conversation was flowing much more freely today and whereas before Azkaban had always been, by silent agreement, a topic to be avoided, it now filtered naturally into the exchanges, aided no doubt by Holly's gentle curiosity.
Tom had always known how to use his charm to his advantage, had learned to harness the power of his personality, perfected his oratory skills and sharpened his mind until he could persuade even the smartest and most powerful people to his way of thinking. But Holly wasn't like that. There was no artifice, no guile, nothing rehearsed about her words and actions. No motive, except for her inexplicable desire to help.
She convinced Severus to give her a Potions lessons instead of her regularly scheduled Martial Arts training that afternoon, which almost certainly had nothing to do with a sudden interest in the proper stirring techniques for Everlasting Elixirs and everything to do with the still lingering stiffness of Rudolphus' movements. She encouraged Dauphina to reach out to her sister-in-law, whom she had been very close to before her time in Azkaban, but who had broken off all contact when she had been sentenced. And when Augustus Rockwood, who had just been released from the Ministry's custody a few days before, commented that the austerity of his rooms reminded him uncomfortably of a holding cell, she immediately offered to find some decorations and potted plants for him.
From Severus' almost good-natured acquiescence, the Lestranges' open gratitude and the considering looks from the rest of his Death Eaters, Tom was sure he wasn't the only one in awe of his little wife that day. He just hoped she wouldn't forget to look out for herself in the meantime. There were still dark circles under her eyes that looked too much like bruises from the wrong angle and when Nagini slithered into the hall to claim her usual sunny spot in front of the row of windows, she froze briefly before she returned the hissed greeting with a small smile.
"Severus, could you make some Dreamless Sleep Potion for Holly?" he thus asked when lunch was slowly wrapping up and most of his Death Eaters had already left, though Holly was still only halfway through her sandwich as she had been rather distracted by Melisandre's account of her whirlwind affair with an unnamed Quidditch player, which may or may not have included some artistic license.
"Of course, my Lord, but may I enquire what was amiss with the bottle I gave her last week?" Severus asked in a carefully measured tone, both of them turning towards the young witch in question.
"Holly, why didn't you take some of that last night?" Tom asked. "You know I would have understood."
Holly shrugged, only answering when he prompted her again. "I don't have it anymore."
"Were my instructions not clear, Holly?" Severus demanded dangerously. "Do I need to remind you again about the many unwelcome side-effects if one were to overindulge in that particular potion?"
"Addiction, paralysis, coma, hallucinations, amongst others," Holly replied softly. "I remember, Professor."
"Then please regale me with your explanation as to why you thought it acceptable to take it in such excessive quantities," the Potions Master snapped and Holly shrugged again, avoiding their eyes.
"She gave it to me," David spoke up unexpectedly, extracting a still half full potions vial from his robe and holding it up as proof. "I was having trouble sleeping."
It was such a small statement and still such an incredible admission. David had always been a private man – supremely talented and a born strategist, but reserved, not given to shows of emotion, and after what had happened, after Azkaban he had become even more stoic, doing what needed to be done without hesitation and without losing nary a word about it. And yet… he had confided in Holly, who had done what she did best and tried to help.
He couldn't quite describe how he felt about it, but when Holly started to rub her scar, he knew that his feelings weren't all positive. He suppressed a sigh.
"Thank you for clearing that up, David," he said. "I hope the potion helped."
"Yes, my Lord," David agreed dutifully. "I apologise for not approaching Severus directly and avoiding this misunderstanding."
"At least you had the good sense not to overdose yourself," the Potions Master gave back.
"Holly was very scrupulous in her instructions," David replied with a twisted smile at her. "And I don't think I will need it again. As I said, I slept very well in my new chambers and I'll sleep even better once I have a proper wand again."
"You can say that again," Rabastan agreed, shaking his wand into his hand. "I feel like only half a wizard with this borrowed thing. Not that a wand would help much against a Dementor."
"What about the Patronus Charm? I know it's kind of difficult, but I'm sure you could learn it and even an incorporeal version would hold off a Dementor," Holly suggested encouragingly.
"That would not be a good idea," Rudolphus told her gently, continuing at her furrowed brow. "We're Dark wizards, Holly."
"So?" she asked. "You use Light magic all the time!"
"There's a widely held belief that the Patronus Charm can only be cast by those pure of heart – utter nonsense, of course, though it would be at least approximately correct to state that it can only be cast by those pure of magic," Severus explained. "That is why most Dark wizards never attempt it, judging the risks too great."
"What risks?" Holly wanted to know. "If it doesn't work, it doesn't work."
Tom sighed, getting to his feet and drawing his wand. "It's not quite that simple, Holly."
He motioned to his Death Eaters, David immediately stepping up with his wand at the ready, Severus and Rudolphus weaving a protective shield between them and Rabastan pulling Holly against his chest with an arm wrapped across her shoulders.
"Stay there, Holly," he still ordered, not putting it past his impulsive little wife to try to get a closer look.
She nodded a little hesitantly and he noted approvingly that she had also drawn her wand. Then he took a deep breath, focused on the memory of their first dance, the way she had looked up at him with her beautiful green eyes, the way she had fit so perfectly into his arms, moved so gracefully and for a moment smiled so sweetly at the simple joy of being swirled around. He started to draw precise circles into the air with his wand before he spoke the incantation, enunciating each syllable with great care so that Holly wouldn't think he'd used another spell, and braced himself.
"Expecto Patronum!" A few sparks of silver spurted from his wand before even that small light was subsumed by the maggots that shot from the tip, coalescing into an angry, swarming, twisting knot, before turning back towards him, trying to devour him. He heard Holly's small gasp, but couldn't focus on her as he cut the charm with an angry jerk, took a step back and then spoke a concentrated Fiendfyre to destroy the last remnants of the charm-turned-curse.
When he was sure that the damage had been contained, he turned to Holly, wincing mentally at the pallor of her face and the wideness of her eyes. He pocketed his wand, pulling her out of Rabastan's arms and into his own, carefully tracing one finger over her scar.
"Are you all right, Holly? Did I hurt you?"
"No. No, I'm fine," she said, blinking a few times as if to clear her vision. "Is that… Why?"
"Dumbledore will tell you that the corruptive influences of Dark magic will irreparably damage the soul. I don't agree with that, nor do I think him qualified to make such an assessment. But all magic, be it Light or Dark, leaves a mark," he explained, choosing his words carefully and softly stroking his hands along her arms to try and soothe her light trembles. "And there're some spells and charms that require a certain purity, for lack of a better word, be it in intent or magic. Chief among them are of course the Healing Arts, but the Patronus Charm is believed to fall into that category as well."
Holly took a deep breath and he could feel the increased tension in her body as she braced herself. "I don't understand why you would use Dark magic if that is what it looks like, what it feels like."
He sighed. "There're entire libraries devoted to the Dark Arts and I never saw a reason to forego all that knowledge, to limit myself so in exchange for a mere handful of spells, most of which I have no interest in."
"Remus said that the Patronus Charm is the only defence against a Dementor. So where does that leave you?" she asked and perhaps that was a fair question from her point of view.
"Admittedly, our options are a bit more limited, but I think Fiendfyre – the second incantation I used – could be quite effective nonetheless," he thus offered after a short deliberation, hoping that having an answer, even if somewhat vague and untested, would help dispel her worries.
"Excuse me, my Lord, but that's not quite correct," David interjected apologetically. "The flames hardly seemed to faze those creatures when I tried to use Fiendfyre against them during the escape from Azakaban."
Holly pulled back from him, shifting slightly so that it almost looked like she was trying to shield David – presumably because she expected him to react with anger and violence to being contradicted – and crossed her arms over her chest, sending him a truly unimpressed look. "Right," she drew the word out in that annoyingly sarcastic diction that teenagers seemed to be particularly fond of and which he had hated even when he himself had still fallen into that category. "Well, maybe you should work on that answer… or at least add 'prison reform' to your oh-so-important agenda because I would hope that you would have at least some thoughts on a system that uses people – your people – to feed an army of soulless creatures, especially as you apparently don't even have one single line of defence against them."
Her chin was tilted up defiantly and her eyes were sparking green fire and it was hard to believe that this was the same young woman who had looked so frightened that morning and the night before.
"I'll take that under advisement," he said, smirking down at her.
"See that you do," she told him haughtily before declaring that she was going to the gardens and not so subtly demanding that David accompany her, under the pretence of needing some help with repotting.