AN: Time for some KAIRI BACKSTORY (because canon has zero interest in exploring it or her character at all)...sooo yeaaah...have fun with that...
After spending some time with those around the castle, and then watching her friends depart into the city again to meet with Aerith and others...Kairi found herself in the castle's library with Ansem The Wise, taking a moment just to stare around at this familiar place.
I made it back...
The reason she was here again, at last, however, was that there were things in this library not available to the public - like the records of citizenship. Births, employment status...addresses. Full names.
On the first floor, in the back, if you pressed a section of the wall next to a massive bookcase, it opened up into a little hallway, which led into another, much older, much dustier library room. Ansem showed her this place - and then he left her there to it. Trusting her among all these sensitive folders and documents...
Because she only wanted to find one.
Sora had volunteered to help her with what she wanted to do here, but Kairi had refused him. She had seen he was a little hurt by it, for a moment, but...then he'd just nodded at her in acceptance, and told her he hoped she found what she was looking for. Kairi...loved him for that. Their destinies may have been intertwined, but there were still going to be points along that road where they would need to walk alone - apart. Diverging journeys, down winding roads that split apart sometimes.
This one was of those times.
Getting right to work, Kairi searched for the only names she knew: a girl named Kairi - and a woman she now knew as Nora Matsui. That woman wasn't just "grandmother" now, she wasn't just a warm face in a hazy memory. She was a person - real, true, and tangible. Kairi searched through the cabinets, which were arranged by dates, and then, by alphabetical order. Last name, first name. Family name... She went back fourteen years or so...searching...searching... And then, finally, Kairi found herself.
A simple, single, dusty old file, full of papers. Kairi held it carefully in her hands, staring down at the folder. She turned and went to sit at an old table, brushing away the dust that had settled long ago. She set the folder down before herself, and took a breath before opening it up. The first thing that greeted her...
Was a birth certificate. Hers. The date of her birth, other information recorded at the time (like weight, and the fact that she had had no notable health issues), and...her full name. Her birth name. She had been born...as Kairi Matsui. Which immediately caused a flurry of thoughts and speculations to arise in Kairi. Such a thing implied that either she'd become a Matsui by adoption - wasn't that a funny thought? That she may have been adopted twice over - or that whoever her mother was had never married anyone, or, that if she had, she'd kept her own last name...
But, no matter where the truth lay, Kairi only knew one thing for certain: she had no memories of parents. Only grandma. Which meant...
Well, it could only mean so many things.
Because if it didn't...she would have been with her parents - wouldn't she...? She would have had a head full of memories of them, not her grandmother. It would have their hands she clung to, it would have been their voice she remembered, it would have been their face she looked up into and saw so much love and tenderness and...
And, either way, it was still their names she'd forgotten, too. Their names, their faces - everything about them. Or...maybe they'd never been in her life at all? Maybe...
Kairi's eyes roamed the paper, finding another name written on a nice, thick black line. The name identifying the hand she would have clung to, the voice she would have remembered, and the face she would have looked up at all her early life...
Rynn Matsui.
That was her, then...? That was-
"Rynn...Matsui..." she spoke it aloud, to herself alone, in whispered tones.
That was mother. The one who had given her life - brought her into this whole world. The one who...
In something like a trance, Kairi slowly set her birth certificate aside, scrounging through the rest of the papers until she found what she was looking for: an address. Her grandmother's house.
Caffana District...Elfonse Street - Residence thirty-two.
There was also another sheet of old paper that caught her eye - in a horrible way. Looking it over, a lump formed in her throat. It was a lot of legalese, but she understood enough of it to understand what she was looking at. It was a grant of guardianship - to a Nora Matsui. It was signed in curvy handwriting that could only be her grandmother's, and it was dated...
It was dated only one month after the date on her birth certificate. No...barely even that.
Why...? WHY?!
Kairi shoved at the table and jumped to her feet, her fists trembling at her sides as she glared down at the papers. Like they were responsible for this...
There was only one person responsible for this; the name on the birth certificate.
Mother.
Rynn Matsui.
"Why!" Kairi yelled, screwing up her eyes and bowing her head, placing a shaking fist over her heart.
The world didn't give her an answer to that one. She'd just have to go and find it for herself, then.
She'd keep going...until she had every answer she was looking for, or...until she reached the end of this road where no more answers lay...
Surprisingly (or maybe not so surprising), Even volunteered himself next to help Kairi - to take her to where she wanted to go, in the city of Radiant Garden.
To help her in her quest for answers.
She'd left the library behind, keeping the folder in her arms, and returned to Ansem's study - to find Even there, sitting at the desk, immersed in some books and writings. Kairi had asked him about the address - only the address for the house - and the man had immediately jumped up and proclaimed that he would help her look for it.
Kairi hadn't asked why - and neither had he.
Maybe that was why she agreed. Or maybe it was just because she didn't want to spend hours wandering, looking for a place when she had several possible guides at her disposal. It just made more sense to accept the help from the man.
The walk back out of the castle and through the damaged city that Kairi took was a silent one - just following after the blonde haired scientist through the streets, as her mind and Heart alike raced.
Though, at one point, she did have a thought unrelated to the goal at hand. Something she voiced.
"So...Even...?"
"Hm - yes?" The man glanced back at her as he walked, surprise on his face.
"I was wondering if I could ask you how things are progressing in terms of the - Replicas?" Kairi asked carefully.
Even considered her. He sighed, raising a hand to wave it about. "Of course you'd ask about...naturally. Truthfully, we're in early days on that front; I've only just finished compiling and recording my own research within our computer systems. From there, I'll be able to perform the necessary mathematics and theoretical computations - which must all be done long before moving to actual model construction or-" He stopped, catching himself, as his cheeks flushed. "Suffice it to say, the final results are months off, regrettably..."
"I understand," Kairi said. "Thank you."
Again, there was that surprise on the man's face. Then he gave her a small smile, shaking his head as he faced forward again. "It is the absolute least I can do with my...research - and intellectual capabilities. It was, after all, you who reminded me, back in Castle Oblivion: science is meant to be used to help people, not harm them. And I- I lost sight of that rather horribly, didn't I?"
"You did," she agreed. "But I can see just how much you're trying to make up for it now...how deep the feelings in your Heart go. And I want you to know I appreciate that. And Xion will, too."
Even looked at her again, over a shoulder. He looked...hesitant - even nervous, somewhat. "Not that it's any of my business whatsoever, but...could I ask you something?"
Kairi gave him a smile. "Sure."
"These past few weeks now, since restoring the worlds and whatnot...Xion has been...living on your islands, yes?" Even said slowly, quietly.
"That's right," Kairi replied.
"How has she- been...faring?" Even asked, faltering at the end rather lamely. "Not that I mean to- underestimate her capabilities- she's clearly been capable of so much more than I- that is to say-" he stammered on quickly.
"She's been doing just fine," Kairi said, with a small laugh. "She's become a part of the family now. She gets along with our friends well enough. She's been getting some basic tutoring, too. And her and I share a room together. She's doing really great."
Even turned his head straight again, though his pace...slowed significantly. Then, he stopped completely.
"Is something wrong?" Kairi asked, frowning.
"Nothing at all," Even's voice came, quick and quiet. "It sounds as if she's...flourishing under your- family's rooftop. Excellent. Wonderful, yes. Very good. I'm glad she's able to be so happy and- normal, let us say. Because I certainly couldn't ever give her-" He cut himself off sharply. Then, soft laughter came. Derisive, self-deprecating. "We should continue," he said, rallying, as he began to move again. "We're not far from your destination, now..."
Kairi frowned, but she followed after the man once more.
Though...
"You know, since you are sort of her dad-" Kairi began.
"WHAT?" Even stopped dead, whirling back to her.
"Aren't you?" Kairi said, looking up into his face - holding his gaze. "I'm pretty sure that you fit most definitions of the word in regards to her."
Even's incredulous expression bled away. Leaving...embarrassment, yes, but also - guilt. "Y-yes, well, I...I suppose I do. Is that- what she thinks of me?" he added quickly, almost as an aside. Or like he was afraid of the answer.
Kairi shrugged. "I don't know what she thinks of you, honestly - we haven't exactly discussed it."
"Of course not," Even said quietly. "It wouldn't matter to her. I hold no place in her life...and that is perfectly acceptable. Natural. I apologize for asking - I've no right to even-"
"You still created her," Kairi refuted softly. "Whatever your reasons at the time, however she turned out, you did that. And to most people, that usually means something special. I don't know whether it's special to her...but I do know it's special to you. Isn't it? I can see it on your face."
"My feelings have no relevance in this...matter," Even murmured, looking away. He was blushing again - deeply. "All that matters is however she may feel about it. I only want to...respect those feelings of hers. Whatever form they take."
"Then I'll ask her, sometime," Kairi responded. "We'll talk about it. And I'll...get back to you on it, next visit. Or, if she's up for it, I could suggest that she...talk with you herself."
Even blinked down at her. He smiled, small and thin. But genuine. "I...that would be...very much appreciated. Thank you - Kairi."
"You're welcome."
He nodded, and they set off again together.
They navigated the streets, climbed a few stone steps, and passed through a short tunnel between two larger buildings of crumbling white marble. They emerged into a new area, higher up and close to the outer wall. Even walked on, muttering to himself as his head turned this way and that. Then, they went down a smooth stone ramp, into a curving street with houses on either side.
Even stopped at last, turning to face a single house in particular. He raised a hand, pointing. "There you are: residence thirty-two."
Kairi stepped forward, taking in the little home's appearance.
There I am...
It was a house like any other in this city - and it was one that even seemed less damaged than the rest. It was dusty, grimy, the stone exterior had nicks and grooves on them, and one of the two front windows was shattered, but...but all in all, it was whole and present.
The front door, Kairi saw, was ajar...
A panic seized her Heart, as a wave of dizziness came over her. She swayed on her feet, as a high moan escaped her lips. She raised a hand to press to her head, gasping. She shook her head furiously.
"Are you all right...?" Even...asking her...
Still...
Kairi breathed, her arm shooting down to her side. She clenched a shaking fist, her eyes fixed to that open door. "I'm fine. Could you leave me be - please?"
"I..." Even trailed off. "I don't believe that would be the wisest choice, but if that is what you want..." The man lingered a minute more, watching her with a look of concern, before he finally departed, walking back up the curving street and disappearing from sight.
Kairi took in and let out another deep breath, and she took a step forward.
Then another. And another.
Every step, closer to that door. To that house...
She reached the threshold - and stopped there.
No, come on, don't stop now! You're right here! Just get up the courage and GO! This was what you wanted. This is the place to find answers...
Kairi breathed quickly, and she all-but threw herself through the doorway.
She stumbled her way inside - into a small living room.
A small, dirty...ruined living room.
A cold fireplace. An upturned armchair - a splintered wooden table...
A musky, carpeted floor and a rug that were torn to bits...
Kairi moved without thinking, saw without seeing, crossing through the room and striding over to a short little hallway. She saw an open door on the left...which she went straight for, straight into.
She found a room.
A little bed with purple sheets and an elegant headboard - deep, painted purple walls, just like her room back home on the islands. A little dresser next to a closet. A closed window, lined with dust on the sill. The glass was battered by time and weather; it was cracked - but it had held.
This room...this was her room.
And Kairi still couldn't remember a thing about it.
Yes, she had the most terrible aching in her Heart - but beyond feelings...
It was all just feelings...
Kairi turned away from the room, abandoning it and stepping back out into the hall. She moved for the door on the other side, throwing it open without hesitation.
This room...was plainer. But it clearly belonged to an adult.
Kairi went over to the black dresser next to the bed and tore it open. She burrowed through its contents before slamming it shut. She whirled away and went to the nightstand, opening it up too. But it was the same - nothing helpful. Nothing useful! Just - junk and crap and-
She kicked at the nightstand, letting out a growl as she spun away. Her eyes fell on the closet door of this room. She rushed forward and yanked it open. There were old clothes on old hangers, and there was a stack of boxes on the floor. Kairi grabbed onto those boxes with magical strength and dragged them all out into the open as one big tower. She picked the top one up and dropped it with a thud. Then the second one. The third, bigger and heavier. Leaving the fourth alone where it had been placed. She sat down on the floor there, and began rifling through the first box.
She found more clothes - little girl's clothes. Her clothes. Old, worn. Useless to her now. She shoved the box away and pulled the second one in: an old clock, a broken lamp, some little odds and ends, knick-knacks and screws and... Kairi pushed that box away too, turning to the third.
The third box, being heavier and larger, had seemed more promising...until she'd opened it. All she found in it were stacks of old dishes and cooking pans - and a recipe book. Torn, old, but...Kairi carefully set it aside, before focusing on the last box.
Inside the fourth box, she found...pictures. Some individual, packed up and bound by string and rubber bands - others in actual frames. Some cracked, some not. And beneath it all, buried, Kairi found yellowed, old papers. Some of them were the same as what she'd found in the castle's records room: a copy of her birth certificate - a copy of the guardianship form her grandmother had signed. But, underneath those familiar papers...were some unfamiliar ones. Along with a thin, black leather photo album!
Kairi pulled the album out of the box, shifting those other papers aside in the process. She sat back and dropped the album in her lap, opening it up immediately (perhaps before she had time to think or feel anything).
On the very first page, framed in a cutout, was a picture that stopped her heart.
It was a picture of a woman with long, dark red hair and blue eyes, sitting in a bed as she held a bundled baby in her arms.
Kairi's eyes drank in the image - examining every detail.
But as she did, any feelings of joy or elation...began to fade.
The woman looked to be, at the time of the photo's taking, young. Kairi wouldn't have even said...early twenties. She thought the woman looked more like...the age Master Aqua still appeared to be. Eighteen, nineteen? Fresh adulthood. And this woman who could only be her mother - Rynn Matsui - she was thin, and she was pale (more like Namine's skin color than Kairi's), and she had clear, dark bags under her eyes, and...
And her smile didn't look real. It didn't reach those eyes. Not at all...
And Kairi knew this, because she knew herself - and this woman, this mother of hers, was just too strikingly similar to her own appearance. Or, rather...Kairi had inherited far more from this woman than she had any...hypothetical birth father...
Kairi felt sick in the pit of her stomach. She quickly turned the page, finding an array of all new photos. Some were in what was presumably a hospital, but others were...inside a home.
This home.
The woman was sitting on a little sofa, with that baby in her lap. Her eyes were closed, her head tilted back. Her arms barely even holding onto that baby...
The woman was out in the sun, on the streets - on a stone ramp overlooking beautiful mountains and glistening lakes - with that baby in her arms, and...and it couldn't have looked more out of place. More unaffected. She, the woman, could not have looked more out of place and unaffected by it all. She had no smile, in this picture - not even a little forced one. She looked paler, thinner, and her eyes...they were darker than ever.
Kairi was almost terrified to turn the page one more time...but she did it anyways.
And that was it.
All the photos on the third and fourth page...showed that baby with an old woman. The woman from her earliest memories.
Grandmother.
Kairi turned page after page, watching that baby become a toddling little thing with a tuft of red hair - and then, into a smiling, vibrant little girl who could run and jump and do handstands all on her own! Who posed with bouquets, who was caught in the middle of watering some potted plants, who was showing off some crudely terrible drawings of the sunset and herself and grandma and-
Kairi slammed the book shut and hurled it across the room with a scream.
She threw herself backwards, striking the wall. She jumped up and pushed off from it, turning on the spot, looking everywhere - anywhere - but she couldn't- she-
Kairi's shaking hand rose up and burst with light and flower petals. She whirled and slashed straight through the nightstand - cleaving it in half effortlessly, with burning energy.
She stood there, in the silence, in the dust and grime, shaking and crying.
Because nothing was making it any better inside!