AN: Here's the big final Kairi backstory chapter...
Warning: Dark themes and depictions of abusive behavior.
Kairi found herself standing inside the old, familiar house in Radiant Garden again.
Grandmother's house.
Except it was different - it was clean, it was perfect and cozy and undamaged and...wonderful.
Kairi heard a soft intake of breath, and she turned to see Namine standing there with her.
"Is this-" Kairi began.
She trailed off as a familiar figure came plodding into the room - in full motion, breadth and life now. Not just a picture. The woman who was her mother: Rynn Matsui.
Except Kairi realized immediately...that seeing this woman in full life and motion was infinitely worse than just staring at the pictures. The way her shoulders were hunched, the way her hair hung flatly...the way her eyes were just...
Her eyes might as well have still been mere snapshots: they were frozen. They were lifeless. Every bit as much as in the pictures. The reality...was exactly the same.
Kairi watched her mother shuffle across the room - to the front door - with a baby in her arms. Her own little baby self...
As she watched, she noticed something around the woman's neck: a necklace, with a blue teardrop pendant.
The very same necklace that Kairi was currently wearing - that she had always worn, for as long as she could remember (even if she could never remember why she kept faithfully putting it on every morning).
It had been the only real, tangible piece of her past, for her entire life thus far - but she'd still never known where it came from or why she had it.
But now she knew: it had been her mother's!
Kairi watched as her mother opened the door and stepped outside, into sunlight that blinded. Kairi expected the memory to end there, for things to change again, but...that wasn't quite what happened.
Instead, the world became a shifting mess, a streak of motion, before it solidified and sharpened into reality again - and they were outside.
Out on the street, the same curving street, watching as the woman began to walk down it.
Of course, Kairi realized. This was her own memory, and she, being a little baby in her mother's arms...was always taking in the world around her - and always staying with her mother. Even if she was so small, so new in this world that these memories were impossible for anyone to ever recall normally...Namine's powers could bring them into focus the same as any memory. Just because they were her first memories, buried in the deepest recesses of her Heart, didn't mean they weren't there - that they hadn't been made by her, by living and experiencing the world, just the same as any memory was made today. And even if, at the time, she didn't have the mental capabilities to properly interpret or understand it all...she did now.
She could go back to it, and understand it now...for what it was. Examine every last detail. And she did. She walked forward quickly, hurrying to her mother's side. Watching her, up close now, taking in her face. The way those eyes gazed ahead without a shine...
Maybe Kairi could have even pretended she was walking with the woman now, today - that what had never been, was true and real to her. Maybe...for a stupid, embarrassingly childish moment. But that was all it was: a moment of childish thought and stupid yearning. A fool's dream. The desperation of a little girl who didn't even exist anymore, either. Just like the woman, herself. They had never met - they had no connection. Their Hearts were as far apart as any two could be - even if their appearances were strikingly similar. It meant nothing. It was just another way for Kairi to trick herself into believing there was something there - between herself and this woman she had never known.
And never would.
"Next memory."
That was the request Kairi had made of Namine over a dozen times by now. Namine had stopped asking her "if she was sure" very early on.
But, as these experiences had continued on, as the memories were gone through, Kairi's request had become more of a plea.
She just wanted to be done with this. To see it all, to know it all, and reach the end already...
There was nothing more to learn here anymore - it was just more pain. New wounds. Stabs to her Heart, every time she had to look at a new scene.
There was nothing in them; there was no care, no affection, no love in these memories. In fact, more often than not, Kairi had seen anger, hatred, and even disgust and disdain in her mother's eyes when she would look upon her baby - little baby Kairi.
And though those flashes and expressions were directed at the memory, baby version of herself, the Kairi of the present couldn't help how much it hurt inside.
Why did she keep going? Why did she keep telling Namine to bring them into a new memory? Why was this still going on? Why was she putting herself through this? Why? WHY? WHY...?
Because she still held a sliver of hope that she might see something else - something more? Something decent, and kind, and good?
That she might still find that mythical explanation - the reason behind her mother's...looks?
There was no reason! In all of these memories, Rynn Matsui was either silent and solitary, or she was fending off grandmother's attempts to talk to her, help her, to...to get an explanation, herself. But Rynn hadn't offered grandmother anything in the way of an explanation for her behavior, for her clear feelings toward her own daughter! She refused to open up, refused to talk, to- anything!
Which meant that any explanation or reason was beyond Kairi's reach as much as her grandmother's. Though, it didn't seem to frustrate or upset grandmother as much as it did Kairi; grandmother always backed off, after a point. She always just...looked at Rynn with a sadness, but a kindness. A sympathetic expression, and a loving one...
A look that Kairi wished desperately that Rynn would give to baby Kairi, just once, just...even something anywhere close to it.
But it hadn't happened. Not once. Not even close.
"Please...please just...give her something, give her anything..." Kairi whispered, staring as the woman sat in a dark room that had been hers - or, would be hers? - with baby Kairi in a fluffy crib nearby.
Mother sat on the bed with her knees drawn, her eyes on the wall. Her eyes just...empty, still.
Kairi moved for the bed, for the woman, and she raised a hand that was a shaking fist. She wished she could just talk to her, tell her - yell at her, demand from her - ask her...beg her...
She wished she was more than just a ghost, a spectator who couldn't change a thing about what she was seeing.
She wished...
"Kairi?"
Kairi turned, gazing at Namine. She lowered her fist, sighing. "Yes...?"
Namine shifted on her feet. She stroked at her hair, then put her hands together at her waist. "Um, I might have found another memory...something...it's different. I told you how one thread leads to another, and while we've been going through these I was trying to stay ahead of it - exploring more of your Heart - and I found..."
"Found what?" Kairi asked, hating how her voice sounded so hopeful. The way Namine looked, it couldn't be anything good, could it?
"I saw flashes - I didn't poke around too hard, I-"
"Just show me," Kairi interjected. "Okay? And then...I want this to be over. I'm out of here. There's nothing here..." she said, dejected, looking down at her feet.
"Okay..." Namine nodded.
The world changed again - very dramatically - in a flash.
Suddenly, they weren't inside the walls of Radiant Garden - they were beyond it.
Far out across lakes and grassy fields - they were nearer to the mountains always seen in the distance.
They were on a hill, with a large tree of purple leaves, which sat on the edge of a forest of incredibly tall pine trees.
Mother was there - Rynn. And she had baby Kairi with her. Her daughter, held in her arms, as she stood there on the hill, gazing out at the mountains - to where the sun was falling down behind them.
"Well you're not looking too hot...are you?" came a sudden voice.
Kairi, Namine, and mother turned in the same moment.
But though Kairi and Namine turned with urgency - mother...turned around with pure resignation on her face.
A man stood there, leaned against the great tree of beautiful leaves. He was broad, tall - with dark hair swept forward, sticking out like a little horn. A rising point. A lone, thick spike. He wore a black outfit of belts and padding - or was that outright armor of some sort? His eyes...they gazed intensely at mother, glinting deepest black.
"Mikala," mother spoke, in a quiet, flat voice. Just...toneless. Dead as her eyes.
It was nothing new to Kairi by this point, but she thought...
Mikala pushed off from the tree, starting forward with pure, undisguised...swagger. A broad grin on his face, as he spread his arms wide. "Aww, don't say my name like that - you'll hurt my feelings," he intoned.
Kairi's mother gazed at the man without fear. Or maybe she didn't care.
The man let out a sigh, letting his arms drop to his sides with a thump. He shook his head, raising a hand to his forehead. Then, he perked up, starting forward again, his eyes fixed to...baby Kairi. "There's the little bundle of joy - hahaha. Motherhood suits you, Rynn!" he exclaimed.
Mother was completely silent. She simply stared at the man, standing there like a statue. Unchanged. But Kairi thought she saw...
"I believe a thank you is in order," Mikala spoke again, flourishing a hand and touching his chest. "After all, I'm the one who came all this way to the 'Capital of Light', just for you. I'm the one who gave you this gift; you should be honored."
Mother's face finally...changed. Her upper lip twitched - her eyes widened almost imperceptibly. The muscles of her jaw tensed, Kairi spotted it - but only because she was right next to the woman.
Mikala continued forward...until he was right in front of Rynn. His hand fell away, to his side again. He shifted his stance casually, looking mother up and down now. Up close. And then he looked again to baby Kairi. His dark, thick eyebrows narrowed. "Funny, because I'm not sensing any trace of gratitude in you right now..." he went on, slow and...with a dangerous note to his voice now. Then, the man closed his eyes and let out a sudden bark of laughter. His expression eased, and he stepped away and crossed his arms, turning his head to look to the horizon. "What am I saying? I've got it all backwards, don't I?" he continued, in casual, friendly tones now. A shocking contrast - like the flip of a switch. "I'm the one who should be honored! It's not every day that a guy like me gets to shack up with a Princess of Heart!"
What? Kairi's mind was reeling.
But mother remained...exactly as she was.
Mikala sighed again, giving his head a shake. His eyes, again, fell to baby Kairi. But this time...it was more...contemplative. "What do you think we get, you and I? What did we do here? One-seventh of the Light of the World...and a handsome, powerful wielder of the Keyblade - particularly one of my high status? What does that make, I wonder...?"
WHAT?! And now Kairi's mind was just screaming.
"Garbage."
"Huh?" Mikala raised an eyebrow, staring at Kairi's mother (as the Kairi of today was now, as well).
Mother...blinked, and her dead eyes held something in them now. Some glint, in their depths, some...spark of light at last. Her head tilted down to baby Kairi. "She's nothing - just a piece of trash I wish I'd never had."
Mikala made a "tsk" noise. "Ooooh, Rynn, come on...that's your own kid you're talking about now. You don't really mean that."
Neither do YOU, Kairi thought vehemently. The man's mocking, cruel tones were plain as day!
"Yes, I do," mother interrupted, simple and flat.
"Well then..." Mikala's face twisted. He stepped in, uncrossing his arms and reaching out - for baby Kairi. "Why don't I take her off your hands-"
Mother stepped back. A single step. Her chin raised, just an inch.
Mikala's anger bled away...to be replaced with amusement. "Oho - you're going to fight me, is that it? Protect your precious little angel? Now that is truly precious! What do you think you're gonna do, Rynn? You look dead on your feet already; doubt I'll have to do so much as give you a hard shove to finish you off," he said mirthfully. "Besides...I thought she was just a piece of trash? Or does she have some value to you after all...? Now wouldn't that be something?"
"She's nothing to me," Rynn repeated tonelessly.
"Ahhhh, but see...I'm not so sure anymore," Mikala drawled, raising a finger at her. "I think these last few weeks, you've gotten a taste for the life - and you've actually found that a little tiny part of you doesn't want to let it go..." The man stepped to the side, and he began to circle Rynn. Brushing against her, bumping into her...but she stood there, stoic, rocking on her feet with every push and then just bouncing back again. "I wouldn't have thought you'd get even a teensy little spark out of the whole thing - it's just not like you, Rynn! And then there's the little matter of our agreement...What was it again?"
Mikala strode in front of her again, gazing into her eyes. He gritted his teeth, forcing a wide smile as he turned away from her, striding off toward the tree. "Oh, that's right! We agreed...that in exchange for my services-"
"I remember."
Mikala stopped. He spun back on a heel. "You do, do you?" He gazed at her for a long moment. "Then why the hell am I repeating myself?!" he said loudly, stalking forward quickly now, his hands forming fists at his sides... "Why are you, you, just standing there like some toy without its batteries - why are you wasting away before my very eyes?! Are you trying to get out of our deal?! Are you MOCKING ME?! COME ON, RYNN, GIVE ME A LITTLE SOMETHING HERE TO GO OFF OF!" He was there, in front of mother again - shouting right in her face.
And as he did...Kairi saw that his fists were shrouded in a familiar purple energy - darkness. The power of darkness!
And Rynn, and mother, she stood there and held the man's gaze despite it. And in her eyes, Kairi finally saw something brimming: a fire.
"I've told you already that she's nothing to me - either believe it and shut your mouth, or-"
Mikala's arm shot up, his gauntleted hand seizing onto mother's neck. "If I were you, I'd watch yours," he growled out. "I'd hate to see anything happen to it. It's always been my favorite part of you...But I'm not so sure I'm a fan anymore, if this is how you're going to choose to use it."
Mother continued to hold his gaze, raising her chin higher still, despite the dark energies burning into her throat. Her arms tightened around baby Kairi, who had begun to stir and squirm fiercely in her arms now, her little blue eyes opening wide. "And I'd take your hand off me, before something happens to this little sack of shit you're invested in. Because she's nothing to me. I could drop her, squeeze her too hard...who knows? Accidents happen when you get rough with people. I've already thought about it before, on my own. Staying up with her screaming, crying, puking, pissing, useless...self. Hours into the night. Every night, I've thought about just...shutting her up. If you make her start crying again now, I'll shut her up."
Mikala glanced down, as if surprised to see that baby Kairi was even still there. Then he chuckled, releasing mother and stepping away. That dark energy evaporated. He crossed an arm and raised his other hand to his chin, a smile growing on his face. "Heh. Good point there, Rynn. If there was anything I admired about you - other than the obvious - it was your way with words! You sweet-talker, you! You always know just what to say...don't you?" He ran a hand through his hair, then gestured to baby Kairi - and a flutter of green particles flew out over her, shrouding her; baby Kairi's eyes blinked, and she became sluggish and quiet again (not an outright sleep spell, but some kind of calming spell).
"Alright, if you're not giving her up willingly - what do I have to do to convince you? Huh? What do you want me to say?" Mikala spoke again, after a moment of silence. A moment of staring at baby Kairi alone...
"Tell me what you want her for," came mother's flat response.
"Is it really so hard to believe I just want an adorable little daughter to call my own?" the man responded. "Concerts and ball games - school marks and tucking the little angel into bed every night...?"
Mother didn't even dignify the obvious bullshit with a response.
Mikala sighed, waving a hand at her. "Oh, I shouldn't have even tried, should I? All right - you got me, Rynn."
Mother just stared at him.
"FINE! Fine!" the man exclaimed, throwing up his hands and spinning on the spot theatrically. "Straight to the fucking point with you - always! What I want...is a perfect child to follow in my footsteps - an heir of the highest order! She'll be a Keyblade wielder and a Pure Light! She could potentially become...one of the most powerful beings in this World! And in continuing my line, she'll keep my line at the very top! Who would dare try and move against us? Disrespect us? The power and respect we'd command simply by being! Our territories would be guarded against invasion by the mere thought of the burning suns of hell she could unleash on them all! And she'd keep that power herself, and someday pass it on to her own daughter, and so on and so forth - ensuring the absolute supremacy of my dynasty for centuries to come! And just imagine the alliances we could make - a lot of people out there would kill to marry into a Princess of Heart's family - or how much we could one day expand!"
For the first time, mother's face...showed a flash of fear. Horror, even. And realization. Of what, though, Kairi couldn't... "The power doesn't work like that," came her sudden, rushed reply. An emotional one.
Mikala froze. He turned to her, slowly. "Now, Rynn..." he began darkly. "that isn't what you told me ten months ago. Were you holding out on me? With that cool head and that tongue of yours, were you trying to use me? Me, of all the guys? Knowing what you do about just how powerful I am - the things I've done...or could do if you pissed me off? Because if you were..." He strode forward, reaching out to grip her shoulder tightly. He leaned down, putting his face in hers. "...I'd actually be impressed!" he said gleefully, giving her arm a hard smack. "Hell, I might actually consider bringing you back home with me! You could sit at my side, have, do, whatever you want! My dynasty would be your dynasty! My territory would be your territory! My-"
"I want nothing from you...except to never see you again," Rynn said viciously.
"Rynn, Rynn...now you've ACTUALLY HURT MY FEELINGS!" The man's arm rose up again, in the blink of an eye - bashing mother across the face. His other hand shot out, seizing onto baby Kairi-
The baby screamed, squirming - that spell couldn't keep her calm in this kind of situation-
And then a blinding light erupted from her little form, causing Mikala to scream and recoil, raising his arms to cover his face.
"WHAT THE-?!"
In that instant of blinding light, in an instant, mother moved, lunging forward as a flat, crimson sword materialized in her hand - thrusting with all her strength, putting her entire body into it as she turned aside. She looked more like she were falling over than going for an attack. But her expression, and the way she held baby Kairi to her flank - to the other side of her body, away from the man...
Her weapon connected; the sharp tip drove itself into the man's chest...straight through his heart.
He let out a loud gasp of agony, his eyes wide as his arms half-rose...fingers curling...
Mother released her blade's hilt, and a small, curved red dagger appeared in her hand now - which she then drove straight up under the man's chin without hesitation. She heaved a breath, leaning against the man now, her hand shaking as she pushed more force into the weapon...digging it in even deeper.
"T-the hell...is wrong with you...? Rynn...?" Mikala rasped, as blood poured down from his throat - down over the sword, where his chest wound was emitting a stream of red particles. "Rynn...! How could you do this to m-me? I gave y-you...her! I could have g-given you...everything...y-you and h-her both!"
Rynn's eyes were vacant again, as she looked up into the man's face. "I want nothing," she stated flatly. And then she pulled down with all her might, yanking the dagger free and falling away to land in the grass. Flat on her back. With baby Kairi...held in her arms. Properly. A hand under her, the other on the back of her head.
Mikala stumbled backwards, grasping the sword hilt still stuck in his chest. Darkness shrouded his hands...and he tore the blade free. It shattered in his grasp, and burning pieces of metal littered the ground. He fell back to the ground himself, sitting there almost casually, a hand clasped to his throat. His chest heaving inconsistently, rapidly...
He fell back onto the ground, and darkness enveloped his body...and then he vanished away.
Kairi stared at the spot where the man had gone, then turned her attention to her mother and her own, past self.
After a long time, mother got to her feet, staggering sideways before getting her bearings again. She raised a shaking hand - and darkness formed into a portal in front of her. She stumbled forward, straight into it, her arms wrapped around baby Kairi...
The world changed, and they were back...in the streets of Radiant Garden.
Mother came out of the portal, into a stone tunnel between districts.
She took several steps forward - and then she collapsed against the wall, sliding down it to sit there.
She gasped for breath, her head falling back to touch the wall.
Her eyes closed.
After several long minutes, they opened again, and mother looked down at her baby daughter in her lap.
"I really do hate you..." mother rasped out, cocking a strained, trembling grin that was so shockingly familiar to Kairi. "You've caused me so much...trouble..." She sucked in a great deal of air, and then she carefully set baby Kairi aside. On the ground. Then she stood again, bracing against the wall, and began to move away from baby Kairi. Down the tunnel. She stopped a few feet away, raising a shaking hand once more. And once again, a dark portal swirled to life. Mother looked back over her shoulder at her baby...and then she tore the familiar necklace off her neck and tossed it at her daughter, before turning away and staggering through the portal on shaking legs.
Leaving a baby alone in the tunnel, to begin to wail, echoing up and down its length...
The world flashed brightly, causing Kairi to gasp.
And then she was...back.
Sitting there in Namine's colorful room of chaos - facing her on the bed.
Among any thoughts or feelings Kairi could possibly have had...only one dominated all else: her mother was still alive.
Alive, somewhere out there!
And someday...Kairi was going to find her.
Because Kairi understood now - and she had to tell it to the woman herself. She had to know...that Kairi knew.
Maybe that woman had truly hated her, maybe she resented and despised Kairi's being, and maybe she had never wanted Kairi at all - Kairi even thought that Rynn's words about wanting to hurt Kairi had been true, not just a means of convincing Mikala - but, even so, in the end, the woman had protected her...and she had given her the best life she could, by leaving her behind with grandmother. By ensuring that Kairi could live that life in happiness and in ignorance. A life unbothered, unthreatened - lived in the sun and the flowers and in the warmth of love and care. All the things that Rynn herself...couldn't have ever provided. Things she was incapable of providing, on multiple levels, it was clear now to Kairi.
But at least she had made sure...that someone else would. And that, along with the choice to remove herself from Kairi's life when she might have honestly one day tried to hurt her...
Rynn Matsui could have been so much worse - she could have done so much worse. But the choice she had ultimately made...had been a good one. And it had been...the best one she probably felt like she could have made, given everything - the situation, her own feelings so self-evident...
Kairi stood from the bed, moving for the window. She braced against the sill, staring out at the rolling hills of green. A hand came up, almost subconsciously, and she clasped the blue pendant necklace that she had always worn (and always wondered about).
But now, she didn't have to wonder. She knew where it came from - and why it had been given to her.
That last look that her mother had given her before leaving her, when she'd given her the necklace...
It hadn't been love, no - Kairi wasn't delusional like that. That woman hadn't loved her - hadn't been capable of it. But it had been...a hint of compassion, and maybe even a fleeting instance of sympathy, at least.
And to Kairi, knowing all of this now, understanding it all now...it was enough, now.
Thank you, mother...
And...
She let her necklace go, pushing off from the window and turning around.
"Thank you, Namine," she said softly, trying to put all of her feelings into it. All of her Heart.
Namine looked surprised - then, immensely pleased. She beamed at her. "You're welcome."
AN: Soooo...that concludes that...on to happier stuff to cleanse the palates! xD