The knot in her upper back pained her mercilessly. It had been aching since the previous night. No…wait…it had been aching for the past couple of days. She woke up to rub it but the pain only continued to spread its venom to the left side of her head, digging at her temple, pinching right above her left eye. Tegan woke up to aid her with a quick massage while breastfeeding the infants. Tegan insisted it was the stress of leaving her and the kids alone due to going back to work, but Sara denied it. Those were just regular migraines she often got and they were quite normal. They could be induced by stress or anxiety; she did admit it to herself. They hadn't been as prominent as the days before.
She leaned against the kitchen counter and took a few breaths after she had cracked the eggs in the pan. She reached for her left shoulder and began to rub there.
"Again?" Tegan faced the two infants seated in their new high chairs. She was attempting to feed them a brand of food Stacy had recommended and affirmed that Ella had loved it when she was a four-month-old baby. Rose seemed to like it, but Scarlet just spat every spoon her mother forced into her mouth, making a mess around her small lips. "Why don't you see a doctor?"
Sara groaned with eyes shut. "How am I going to leave you alone with them?" she voiced her ticking concern loudly. "What if something happens?"
"It's definitely nerves," Tegan pointed out. She glared at Scarlet who whined and moaned whenever the spoon touched her lips. "Eat it," she said. "Look how Rosie's going to eat it?" She moved the same spoon to Rose's mouth. "Hey, Rosie. Look what I have." The spoon swayed between her digits as if it was a small airplane reaching its destination in Rose's mouth, engulfed fully and happily with a jovial squeal in return. "Don't worry about us. We're managing. If I need something, I'll just call whoever I can. We have an army of support now. I bet if I called Evelyn, she'd take a flight here as quickly as possible."
Sara turned around with a high-pitched chortle. She began to scramble the eggs and list her mental to-do-list in her head. She could hear her wife struggling with their older twin. Scarlet had been a struggle for them for awhile and the struggle didn't manage to recede. She also seemed to be developing a sizable attachment to Tegan. She was the only one who could hold her without the infant causing a scene. Sara herself barely could. Scarlet would have to be in a very good mood to be quiet with her.
"I don't get why she doesn't like it." Tegan huffed with irritation. "It tastes good. I just tasted it."
Sara put a portion of the egg on her plate and some on Tegan's. She faced her wife again with the two plates in her hands. "Did you use the same spoon you're feeding her with?"
"I'm feeding both with the same spoon." Tegan snickered. Sara walked up to the coffee machine to pour two cups of coffee for her and her wife. That was the only time Tegan was allowed coffee because the babies breastfeeding time was at twelve and it wasn't even seven in the morning. At 9:30, they usually drank pumped up milk as they sat in front of the TV in the living room while Tegan watched her music shows and celebrity news. The babies seemed to enjoy those, too.
"No, Tee, how many times have I said you should feed both with different spoons?" Sara put Tegan's unicorn themed mug in front of her and held her own black one as she walked up to the fridge to get some butter for the toast.
Mentally, Tegan mocked Sara's reproaching tone and sipped her black coffee quietly. Not loudly. Not anymore. She'd done it the previous week and Sara didn't like it. They spent the day mocking each other's tones in front of their bewildered infants. "Well, they feed from the same tits so I don't see how this is different."
Sara, too, remained quiet. She didn't see any necessity to provide another comment because an argument was the last thing she needed that morning. Her head was enough and if Tegan began arguing, she would never end the argument until she proved her point, shouted loudly till the kids cried, or stuttered on many mispronounced words until she herself and her infants cried together. So Sara just let it go and let her parent the way she saw fit.
They consumed their breakfast in quietude often interrupted by Rose's squeals or Scarlet's whimpers as her mother forced her to eat the food she obviously didn't enjoy. The girls had just begun consuming solids the week before and Scarlet never once liked anything her mothers gave her. Sara figured that Scarlet just wanted milk, but Tegan insisted on trying because she was thinking about weaning them at six months. Breastfeeding was just getting exhausting and they were becoming too big to be breastfed at the same time. Scarlet often managed to reach her hand for her sister's face and disturb her.
"Try not to get downstairs too much, Tee," Sara began to list her rules, hoping her wife would follow them to ensure her safety and their children's well-being. "I filled the mini fridge with every snack you usually crave. There's water upstairs. The bottles." Tegan nodded while she loudly munched on the toast. "Close your mouth," Sara said. Tegan chewed louder. "Tegan, I'm not joking here," Sara whined.
"Fine. Chill. There's a stick up your ass this morning. I'm gonna be fine, okay?"
"Okay." A deep breath escaped the professor's lungs. "I just worry. I never left you alone with them for such a long time."
"You don't even start classes till next week."
"Yeah, but I'll be back some time after four. I'm the Dean…have you forgotten?" Tegan responded with a long 'Ahhh' and a roll of an eye which Sara only mistook for a sarcastic response. Nevertheless, she didn't add a comment. "If I go into a meeting and you're having an emergency and can't reach me because my phone's locked, you know who to call. One of them can reach me." Either her secretary, Dana, or…Jack. Tegan would rather die than dial up Jack, but she didn't inform Sara about that. "Jack and Dana might be in some meetings, too…so you have Nancy." Tegan nodded again. She was enjoying her coffee and trying to muffle Sara's sound as much as she could. "Don't try one of your stupid tricks and suddenly decide to cook a meal with the kids alone or unsupervised. I've cooked for today. When I come home, I'll heat it up."
"Stupid tricks?" Tegan chuckled. She put the empty blue bowl on the table and picked up whiny Scarlet.
"Ugh." Mentally cursing herself, Sara rubbed her temple and thought of a way to correct what she had said. "It just came out…I didn't mean it. I meant, like, don't do anything stupid. Like…."
"Got it," Tegan shot. Scarlet's tiny hands patted and pressed on her breasts, waiting for her to lower her light blue tank top to feed her. She opened her mouth and closed it in anticipation. She licked her lips and drooled. "No," Tegan said. "Naughty girl." A kiss on the nose was left by the mother. "That was your scheme? Not eating so I can give you my boobie? I won't give up."
"I'm sorry, Tegan," Sara jumped. She had to apologize otherwise Tegan was going to get cranky all day long and at night she would probably not allow any fondling to happen and Sara needed it profoundly. "I'm just very anxious."
"And I told you not to worry." She handed Scarlet to her mother, or, actually, just offered her without previous warning. Sara flinched when the infant's face was in hers. "Take her. I need to finish my food." Scarlet found her way to Sara's partially covered chest immediately as soon as Sara put her against it. She also navigated for food as she did to her other mother, and was soon able to bury her face in her mother's cleavage and began to suck on the exposed skin, hoping Sara would give up and lower her black silk nightgown just a tad so she could consume the food she wanted. "Fuck, that's sad," Tegan commented with a snort. Sara was panting in disgust, not exactly figuring out what to do with the baby that had just attacked her breasts like that. "Wait, don't push her."
"It's annoying," Sara said, ready to push the baby away.
"I wanna shoot a video." Her phone was already in her hand, ready to capture the moment for a memory to save. She had been doing that plentifully. Whenever her daughter (mostly Scarlet) did something funny, idiotic, or crazy, she filmed it and sent it to her close friends and family.
"No, no, no," Sara screeched and almost jumped off her chair when she realized her daughter had managed to pull her nightgown down and find her right nipple. Tegan was laughing hysterically as Sara hissed in discomfort upon Scarlet's failed attempts to find milk.
"She's fucking wild." Tegan was still filming but she decided to direct the camera on Rose staring at a red pot far in the corner to show the contrast between her two daughters. "What do you think, Rose? Your sister is a piece of work, isn't she?" Rose didn't even look at her mother, so Tegan had to film the red pot and zoom in on it then back on Rose's focused eyes. "Wow. Red really turns you on somehow."
She got back to Sara but she put the camera down immediately because the woman was in heavy voiceless tears. Her lips were cupped and her breath was hitched. "Sara," Tegan shouted with panic. "Did she hurt you? Did she bite you?" Scarlet wasn't trying to find milk anymore. She was just there crying for it on her mother's lap. Tegan got up immediately and took her away from Sara who shook her head vehemently and choked on a loud sob. "What happened?" She covered Sara's chest as she waited for her to speak. She pulled up the strap, brushing her hand over the red marks her daughter had left there with her mouth. "What happened?" she repeated, facing her now calmer wife. Sara hiccuped a little bit so Tegan fetched her own glass of water and gave it to her.
"I'm sorry." Sara wiped her tears and gulped some water. "I felt disappointed with myself when she couldn't find any milk and I just felt really bad." She rubbed her left eye. "I'm just so stressed out and I just…" She sighed. "I just felt like…I don't know."
"Damn, Sare." Tegan pecked her temple. "I'm sorry you felt this way. Meanwhile, I was just thinking both of our daughters seem gay." She was able to extract a laugh out of Sara. "She just casually managed to find your boob and without any complexities found her way inside your clothes…"
"Tegan, don't be inappropriate about them." She was laughing, however. "We really should stop doing that."
"I learned it from you, Ralphie." She kissed her wife's head. "Silly you, getting upset because you can't feed her. You should be thankful. She would have sucked you dry."
"I just thought what if she doesn't like to be around me because I don't have any milk? Because I can't feed her?" Tegan pondered Sara's words in her head as she walked back to her place with her daughter still struggling to consume a proper meal. It seemed like Tegan would just have to give up and get a bottle from the fridge to shut her up.
"No. I just think this one is going to be very dependent on us. She's just so…" Tegan faltered. "I don't know. She's…me…when I was a baby." Sara imagined Tegan would be like that, too. Most of her traits were there though the baby was just four months old.
"If she's you then she's lovable so I don't have to worry about her." Sara stood up and took the two plates back to the sink. Tegan looked back at her wife in that short night gown that she had worn the previous night in hopes she would be touched and caressed. Tegan's mood, however, was not in its best condition so she didn't make any move, though her wife hinted at her need many times until she succumbed to a heavy slumber.
Meanwhile, their friends' house was busy with loud chatter coming from the mother and the child in the bedroom.
Before the conversation started, Ella had managed a scheme to walk up to her mother's bedroom and get inside her mother's bed squeezing herself between her mother and her mother's partner.
The light of the sun shone brightly through her window and woke her up as early as the roosters crowed. Despite the numerous warnings she had often received from her mother, she still managed to make up a plan in her head to invade her mother's privacy and steal herself away to the other bedroom. She was bored in bed. She tried her best to listen to the birds tweeting and watch the trees swaying outside the window but she couldn't take the boredom. She sat on her floor and began to color and draw. She decided to draw the babies that Tegan had, but the idea was soon vanished and brutally erased from her head when she remembered how Tegan kissed them and played with them while she sat there feeling unwanted and unloved.
She could tell her mother she wanted to go to the bathroom but she didn't want her mother to get her back to bed. She wanted to sneak inside that bedroom and lie between both her mother and Emy and she wanted to stay there like she used to when her mother did not have her female friend always in the house. Her plan did not require much thought or preparation. She was going to pretend that her tummy hurt so she could get her mother to hold her and kiss her cheeks.
In spite of her mother's height, Ella was an extremely small girl. Her spaghetti arms were pale and her hands were only a tad bigger than the twins. Her face was round and small with ruddy cheeks she had preserved from her infanthood. Her brown hair had recently been trimmed and it stopped at her shoulders. Part of her wanted a baby brother or a baby sister like her friends had in kindergarten. The other part was so scared Emy was going to get pregnant like Tegan did and then her mother, just like Tegan, would stop caring about her. Imagining that made her almost cry. If only Tegan was her mother…or her sister. She just wanted to live there with her and get all the affection the babies were having.
At least she wasn't lying when she sneaked into her mother's bedroom; her stomach did ache as she thought about the possibility of Emy and her mummy having a new baby. She took very slow and steady steps on her tiptoes. Opening and closing the door in such a stealthy and quiet way required a skill only she could master throughout excessive training and many failed attempts.
The first thing she spotted was that the two women were asleep, but something else caught her attention; Emy was not wearing a shirt but her mummy was. She tried her best to understand why sometimes older people did not wear a shirt or clothes around each other meanwhile her mother didn't let her take off her clothes in order to sleep like Emy did or like Sara and Tegan did, too. She just wanted to be an older person and wanted to understand what they talked or joked about. She wished she could drink their red juice or sleep without a shirt on. She wished she could say the bad words Emy and Sara said sometimes.
Her plan almost failed when her mother caught her crawling on the mattress. She touched her mother's leg over the duvet by mistake and Stacy immediately woke up, opening her blue eyes and startling the mischievous child.
"Ella?" Stacy spoke groggily. The lights were too dimmed to recognize it was morning. Stacy had managed to shut the blinds thoroughly the previous night when she and her girlfriend decided they were going to have an intimate night. It was such a great night but it was exhausting and the last thing she wanted was to be awakened at such an early hour by her child. "What do you want, sweetie?"
"I wanna sleep here between you two." Stacy digested the information, not yet fully conscious to realize she only had a sheer white babydoll on and her partner was fully naked. She could barely remember how they fell asleep. It was after she had her orgasm. No wait, after she gave Emy her second orgasm. Or was it after Emy gave her the second orgasm? She yawned and rubbed her eyes. They didn't even brush their teeth nor wash their faces or…hands. Stacy felt ashamed.
The sheets.
She sat up immediately and tried her best not to let her daughter get inside. "Ella, honey…look at me."
The sounds startled the sleeping woman and she began to shift and groan in her slumber. Stacy lifted up the duvet to cover her lover's body and shield herself as well but Ella was quick to notice the movement.
"I know she's naked," Ella remarked. "Why is she naked?"
It was becoming more manageable for Emy to comprehend the words, but in her lethargic state she wasn't able to connect the naked she heard to the naked of her body.
"I have told you not to barge in here without my permission, Ella." But Stacy's voice was loud and angry. Emy opened her eyes in horror upon seeing two faces right above her. "I'm sorry," Stacy mouthed.
She blinked hearing Ella whine about the nudity again while Stacy checked her phone with furrowed eyebrows. She looked so gorgeous in the morning. Her eyes swelled in exhaustion and her lips were a faint shade of pink that Emy wished to kiss.
"Why can grownups sleep naked?" Ella repeated her question.
The alarm didn't even go off. It was too early to wake up and Ella brutally cut off their sleep. Stacy was fuming but she didn't want to upset her daughter. She understood the state of puzzlement and need for attention Ella was facing. It wasn't just about having a new lover, but also not being the youngest person anymore. Ella constantly craved for attention and Stacy tried her best to provide it without spoiling her.
"Emy felt hot so she took her shirt off," Stacy said but Emy only offered the deepest shade of shame to Ella's questioning, doubtful eyes. "Naughty Emy. You'll get cold."
"Why is it okay for you to see her naked and people can't see me naked?" Ella asked again.
"You want people to see you naked?" While Stacy asked, Emy took the time to sit up as carefully as she could, pulling the duvet with her. She cleared her throat and rubbed her tired eyes. Her bladder screamed and threatened and no amount of pelvic contractions was helping. She shut her eyes tightly; hoping to God Ella would go away so she could run to the bathroom.
"No," Ella shouted her answer with a blushing face. "I'm shy." Emy cursed herself for not peeing after that orgasm she had received the night before. She just fell asleep. At least Stacy put back on the babydoll she had worn to seduce her with. Did she even take it off? Emy could barely remember. She only recalled how terrific the night had been.
"Older people get to be naked in front of each other because they are in love and they are in a really serious relationship. Emy didn't get to be naked in front of me when we first met." Emy almost snorted at the memory of their first encounter and that darn date they had ended with rough sex. She hoped Ella wouldn't ever know the truth to that. "So I'm allowed to see her naked and she's allowed to see me naked because we are in a very serious relationship and we love each other. Right, Em?"
Emy nodded quickly. She released the breath she had been holding and with it came a little moan of pain as she squeezed her legs as much as she could. Ella was staring at her with judgmental eyes. They were big. They were blue. But that frown was the worst. "Are you gonna get married?" Ella asked, directing the question back to her mother.
"Are you okay?" in a grave tone, asked Stacy.
"I have to use the bathroom." Emy took a deep breath. "My bladder…"
Stacy left the bed immediately and her daughter's brows furrowed at her provocative attire. "Ella, come with me. I just remembered you should go to the bathroom, too." The child's hand was quickly held and her body was gently guided out of the room to the bathroom outside so Emy could free herself from restriction and use the bathroom inside Stacy's bedroom.
…
Yes, anxiety was there; terror was leaning on the edges of her mind; butterflies drummed a beat inside her chest, but, good God, the confident jolt of excitement that came with her going back to work made all the negative feelings seem so small. The only matter that prioritized itself was leaving her wife and kids alone for such a long time. Stacy did offer that her girlfriend and daughter visit Tegan to spend time with her. But the following week Emy would go back to work, too. Ella would begin school as well. She wanted Tegan to get used to this.
She was in the process of selecting an outfit. She hadn't done that for a long time and, perhaps, it was the second best thing she missed about her job. The first was the teaching itself; the feeling of being in control with the ability to sway her mind inside the thousands of stories and novels and poems people she adored had written thousands of years before her arrival. Literature was her music and her solace and she truly did miss writing her thoughts and composing her words in a notebook. She thought she could do that. The last time she used it was months ago when she drew Tegan in her third and final trimester. No poems were written since her healing process had ended. Many events had happened since then. New people came in to her life. Beautiful little people joined her life and made it a lot nicer than it had been.
She couldn't help but smile at her blazer section which sparked loud laughter from her wife standing in the corner watching her without her knowledge.
"Jesus Christ," Sara screamed with a hand clutching her chest. "How long have you been standing here?" Both of them shared a titter at her reaction. She put her hand down and smoothed the nightgown that stopped just few inches above her bony knees.
"Since you started flirting with your clothes." Sara turned around to face her wardrobe again with the grin still ghosting on her lips. "Turn around," Tegan ordered.
"What's wrong?" Sara noticed how close and slow her wife's steps were getting to her. There was a hint of a smirk which Sara couldn't quite understand yet.
Tegan bit her lower lip and the lick that followed was intentional. She viewed Sara's irises as they grew darker in color, the greenish honey turning into a yellowish sea of lust as she gulped and waited. "I can't send you back to work without something to relieve your nerves, now can I?" All the while she was talking, her hands were lifting up the silky material as gradually and torturously as possible.
"Tee," rasped Sara, "the babies."
"Napping in their bedroom. On their beds. The monitor is here." Sara still managed to look behind her in fear and worry. "Don't worry." A soft kiss was planted. It was not sexual; it was reassuring. "May I lick your pussy?" The hitched breath was too audible that Tegan didn't waste time lowering the g-string the professor had been wearing. "This is a dirty underwear," she commented when Sara pulled it down with her feet and kicked it across the floor of the closet.
"You made it get dirty," Sara said. She was not used to Tegan being in charge. Something within her did not approve of it. She loved it. She was a whore for it, but still she craved to tease and strove to take as much control as she could when it came to spontaneous, unplanned sex. But, lately, Tegan had been on a roll. Whenever she got the chance she fucked her, and she enjoyed it. Tegan managed to sway her need with dirty phrases and crude comments here and there, but not once did Tegan offer her body back and though Sara truly missed touching her, she took what she could get and thanked God she was able to still get going with everything she had going on in her life.
"Oh, I did, didn't I?" Tegan also had that soft rasp in her voice that Sara couldn't resist much. Since ever she had known her, Tegan had managed to win any argument or sexual fantasy or get whatever she wished for by using that tone that made Sara fall under her mercy. "Sure it wasn't this pussy's work all alone?" Upon saying that, Sara's cunt was cupped with a slap, giving Tegan a scream of surprise. Maybe Sara was always in control of her students and thought herself the boss at home, but, frankly, she was well aware that her wife was the one in control with her hidden wit and coquettish manner.
"You made it do that," Sara went along with the story. She wanted to know where Tegan would get with her narrative. She was pooling on her wife's hand and nothing ever felt better than a hand holding her cunt preparing it well for a good fuck.
"How?" Tegan understood the game, but she also understood they didn't have much time before the babies cried hysterically. Sara also had to shower and get smartly dressed so she could go to work. "What did I do?"
"Your words." Sara took a deep breath. "You're playing with it," she commented at the two fingers stroking her labia. "It makes it wet."
"Are you afraid of calling it by its name, Sara?" her wife asked playfully.
"My pussy," Sara hissed. A thumb pressed over her clit. "My cunt."
Like rivals ready to beat each other in a football match or a running marathon or just any battle, they faced one another with eyes ready to gnaw and pounce. Sara initiated the quick and hungry kiss. Tegan felt like she was an animal and Sara was her prey. She managed to push her down on the floor and straddle her within seconds as their tongues touched and their lips intertwined.
Her hands were lustful and needy. They groped each part of her wife's skin until they found her two breasts and began to squeeze. Sara enjoyed it all but she wished Tegan would hurry and get her to come before they were interrupted.
"I know you don't wanna kill the mood but I think you should hurry before…" Sara was silenced quickly with another kiss. That one was short and its purpose was to shut her up and keep her in the fantasy.
"Open your legs," Tegan ordered and Sara obeyed. "Wide," it was shouted.
Sara felt exposed. Tegan's eyes just stared between her widened legs and her orbs were swimming in delight as they studied each part of red skin. Her clit throbbed and her hole began to ache with need, but her lover was fast enough to surfeit that hunger with a reviving long lick with her tongue. Out of shock, she enclosed Tegan's head between her legs but Tegan didn't mind it. Her thighs were held and Tegan's tongue began to perform its art on her cunt.
She closed her eyes and enjoyed the slow strokes she felt on her labia and clit. She remembered how average Tegan had started at that. Smiling to herself, her memory took her to the first time Tegan insisted she would go down on her. Sara did commend her back then, but her skills were far from laudable. To Sara, back then, Tegan was just perfect with or without sexual skills. But now, with the newly found experience, Sara considered herself pretty lucky. Still, often times, she found herself directing her wife and guiding her. Not at that moment, however.
Tegan bit her clit a few times that she found herself screaming in euphoria. Sara touched her two nipples and pulled as she caged them between her fingers. The soft tongue kept moving around her clit in circular stimulation then moving down past her parted lips then poking its tip in her hole. Tegan also knew how to make out with her vulva. She would just treat it well as if she was kissing a person's lips. Sara loved it when Tegan sucked her inner lips inside and poked her clit with her tongue. She also loved when Tegan fucked her entrance with it.
"Do you love this?" Tegan questioned. She breathed on her clit and kissed it.
"I love you," Sara answered. Tegan's kisses went up to her pubic area and small pecks were left here and there though she knew the prickly hairs would tickle Tegan's lips. Tegan touched the two nether lips and pulled. "I love this," Sara wheezed. A bite on her inner thigh startled her. Tegan giggled when their eyes met and that mischievous smile made Sara change her hand's position to push Tegan's head against her cunt. Tegan giggled again. The vibrations were too much so Sara began to rock her hips against her wife's face.
As if something had been ignited in her, Tegan went along with her wife's need and licked sloppily and quickly meeting the movements of her wife's hips. The tangy juice was delicious and she loved it. She knew they could go on for hours doing this until Sara had a strong orgasm but she didn't want to prolong the process with her slurping so she decided to push two fingers inside the awaiting hole and Sara rewarded her with a sudden shake and a scream.
Sara loved the come-hither motion even though it didn't feel the same after her cervix was removed. Somehow Tegan was better than her own hands at that. She just knew how to cause a fire inside her core and Sara fucking lived for it.
She felt like a slut when she cursed Tegan's name as loud as she could with Tegan's rapid plunging. The two digits were moving inside her, rocking her world and making her clit cry for attention. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," she repeated like a whore in a porno. "Suck my clit," she shouted. "Tegan."
Tegan was absolutely amused and proud. She didn't even tease after Sara's request. She did the sucking and the pulling and the flicking with her tongue. "Yes, babe, I can feel it. Your pussy's holding my fingers tightly. You're close."
"Yeah." The confirmation was too whiny, almost like a song, a hopeless cry for release. Tegan only fucked harder. She jammed her fingers inside and moved the tips, itching at the spot that Sara loved the most until she felt the tight embrace Sara's walls put on her. She continued licking and fucking but Sara's walls were convulsing and contracting on her fingers in a way she hadn't ever felt. She felt the juices running down her fingers and staining her hands. They were so thick and nice she couldn't help not to pull out just to drink them. But Sara screamed and laughed and Tegan was put in headlock once again but that time with Sara actively and subconsciously moving her hips against her wife's face that Tegan had to close her eyes because she believed if Sara put more energy, her nose might get broken and she might go blind.
Tegan was aware Sara was having her second orgasm but the suffocation she was in made her lose control of the process because Sara was simply fucking herself using her wife's face. Tegan wanted release but all she could do was laugh and increase the climactic feeling on that needy clit. Tegan flicked it and pulled it, knowing it would shut Sara's need completely.
"Oh my…oh my god…my God…" Sara's screams were becoming too desperate not to poke fun of, but Tegan was on a mission and she had no time to waste. Her fingers were back inside but as soon as they had entered Sara, the older woman obtained what she needed. Tegan was so scared if she still stroked the velvety walls after that crying orgasm, Sara was going to require a third one and by then Tegan was positively sure Sara was going to be super late for her first day.
"I know this is not the right time but…" Tegan panted as she peeled herself off her wife's sweaty skin. She fell beside her with mouth agape and eyes wide with ecstasy. "I think you're late for work."
"Out of all the clichés in the world, you and I fucking inside a closet wins." Sara shifted her body to the left in order for her to get a view of the clock on the wall of her bedroom. Her deteriorating eyesight didn't allow her to see well from far places but she managed to tell it was 8:30. "I have exactly half an hour to shower, get dressed, and get to university." She begged her body to pull itself up despite the exhaustion. She couldn't be late for the first day of work. When she finally sat up, a titter left her lips. "Your face is a mess. Join me in the shower." She stood up with a groan and pulled her wife's hand so both of them were standing. Her nudity didn't disturb her but Tegan's fully dressed form made her wonder whether her wife was in a state of arousal or not.
"I'll just check on them quickly and be back. Get in the shower though," Tegan told her.
She limped to the bathroom with aching bones and thighs covered in sticky juices she couldn't wait to get off. First she sat on the toilet and took deep breaths to regain her strength and energy. She felt thirsty but she had to shower and get dressed first.
She waited for the water to become hot enough for her body to enjoy it though the temperature helped her body reserve its warmth. The first drops of liquid that cascaded all over her skin nourished her immediately. That's what she needed and she was thankful her wife had read through her facial expressions and realized her need.
She had to hurry, therefore her shampoo was right in her hand when Tegan entered the bathroom. Sara had spotted her silhouette through the glass door before she spoke, "I have to be very quick because Rose's awake. She's sucking her thumb. Scarlet will wake up soon." Sara opened the glass door and watched her wife strip herself off her clothes quickly.
If only Scarlet was as quiet as her twin sister. Whenever Scarlet was awake there was a storm in the house. "Where's the monitor?" Tegan pointed at the top cabinet where it had been replaced.
Sara began washing her body while her wife used the water to wash her hair. Unintentionally, the professor eyed her wife's body which the latter woman mistook for a judgmental gaze. She didn't voice her opinion, however. She just wanted to shower and get it over with.
Sara's head throbbed with questions. She was too scared to ask and too embarrassed to look and marvel at the beauty she was presented with. She took another glance at those large breasts. The nipples were enticing, inviting, delicious-looking. The triangle of hair was there to spark up her need. What's there? What was beneath that amount of hair?
She pushed a finger between those swollen lips. She had to discover. She had to know. Her desire encouraged her. Tegan drew herself back with a sudden jump. Her eyes widened in hints of fear as she stared at her wife with unbelievable embarrassment.
"I'm sorry," Sara apologized. "I just wanted to check if you're…"
"You could have asked me," Tegan said. Her chest was heaving up and going down. Did she scare her?
"I didn't mean to…inflict myself on you." Sara left the shower with chest knotting in shame.
"Sara, it's fine. I was just…surprised." Sara looked back as she wrapped the towel around her body. "It just took me by surprise."
"You're very wet," Sara pointed out. "Do you know that?" A nod was the answer. "Don't you want me to…" Her eyes looked down again at the tightly closed legs of the standing woman.
"Definitely not now." Tegan chuckled. She left the shower, too, and reached for her towel. "We should talk about it when you're free and the girls are asleep."
"Okay." Sara leaned in to kiss her. "I'm sorry again."
It was not like Sara to apologize for such a thing. They were married after all. Consent was necessary for sure but Sara was a rather touchy woman. She often groped and felt without permission. However, ever since that complaint Sara seemed wary of moving her hand near any human without getting full permission, even if it was her wife. Tegan observed Sara's constant regrets to those days she had used her hand and sex appeal to sway her into falling for her. Sara had succeeded and shame wasn't anywhere around until the dramatic complaint which Tegan was, one way or another, responsible for.
She was aware Sara knew who had sent it. She was aware why she was not told. Sara didn't know that, though. Nobody did. She discovered it with her perception. She connected some dots. She watched carefully and read the bodies that met her. One day she might face the writer of that letter, but it wasn't the right day. One day she might let Sara know she was aware who the writer was, but it wasn't the proper time.
"Wait," Tegan chanted, "I wanna pick your outfit." She walked out with the blue towel wrapped around her drenched body and Sara followed in the same manner. The only difference was her towel was white and her hair was shorter.
"Good Lord." Sara was pushed aside so her wife could choose her clothes for the day. She dreaded Tegan would choose something utterly unfashionable or just plain inappropriate. The latter option wasn't her main concern knowing Tegan wanted her to seem prudish due to immense jealousy, but the former option made her watch intently with anticipating glances.
"Don't worry," Tegan said. "I'm not going to make you look bad." She turned around with a red blazer Sara had stashed somewhere in her closet but had never worn. "I've always wanted you to wear this. You should look like a boss. It's just so nice. With your thin black button down and your black pants you'll look so professional." The grin couldn't be resisted. Sara didn't like that blazer, but Tegan's pleading eyes restricted the ability to say no.
"Fine." She smiled. "I'll wear it. I just have to get back to the bathroom to fix my hair and makeup. I have ten minutes left and I think I'll arrive ten minutes late but it's fine." Sara had to be there at nine. The university was ten minutes away from their house but the problem was with Sara getting her hair fixed. Sometimes it took five minutes; sometimes it took half an hour. Sometimes she didn't have to do it.
That morning, though, the five-minute option won. She left the house at 8:58 and was parked at exactly 9:09. Jack called three times while she was trying to find a proper parking spot.
She finally decided to pick up the fourth call. "I'm trying to find a parking spot," she said before the greeting. "I'm so sorry."
"Oh." He released a sigh of relief. Sara recognized it too well. "I just thought you forgot it's the first day back because it's not like you to be late."
"Uh no…but…" She cleared her throat as she thought of a lie as to why she was late. "The babies were giving us a hard time and…yeah." Jack was humming. Jealousy was there, Sara did realize it. That time he visited to give his congratulations to the couple, Sara was aware of his pensive smile and dreamy glances. He scanned her jubilation, he reminisced peacefully. At least he was softer, less angry, less needy, less agitated. At least he understood her. He stopped interfering, trying, failing, hoping. At least he was finally honest.
"It's alright. Not even Dana's here yet. I just unlocked your office and opened the window. I know how you like that." She was going upstairs as she heard him speak about what she loved and did not. He had been her husband after all. He knew her too well. They had worked together way before Tegan was in her life. Those things shouldn't make her feel angry.
"Good morning," she greeted, hanging up when she met his face in her office. He adjusted his glasses and blinked at her attire. "Please don't say anything. Tegan wanted me to wear it. She doesn't know you got it to me." She put her bag on the desk and took a look around the office she had missed so much. Her sheepish smile returned when she viewed the painted tulips on the walls. She took a look at the couch and then back at the window. Most of her beautiful times had happened in that exact office and she was just thankful she was given the chance to be in it again.
"It looks good on you," Jack complimented but Sara was already taking off the blazer. First of all it was hot in the office. Second of all Jack had gifted her that blazer years before. "It's amazing you still have it." She had only worn it once; when she was trying it on in her bedroom. It was quite an expensive blazer and she hadn't been too keen on colors when he gifted it. She hid it for an appropriate event to wear but the pregnancy happened and her weight increased. Then misery followed and that blazer was forgotten and neglected. Still, she took it with her wherever she went. She moved it to all the places she decided to reside in. Never once did she find the right time to wear it. Admittedly, she did eye it a few times, she did consider it, but red was such a dark color. So angry. She never thought she'd pull it off. She had red jackets. Cotton ones. They weren't as bright as that blazer, though.
"I've never worn it," Sara admitted. "So of course I still have it. It's new and it's in style." She shrugged.
Jack averted his gaze from her torso. She noticed the sudden jerk. She looked down and cursed mentally at the sheer shirt she had forgotten about. Back in the days when she was trying to seduce her present wife, she didn't mind those shirts. She owned plenty of them. Everything was different now. Tegan somehow didn't mind it.
"Well, it looks good on you." She watched as her ex-husband moved inside the office. He stood by the window and awkwardly adjusted his tie. "There's a full schedule today. Many meetings."
She, too, moved around behind her desk and sat on the chair. Never felt more comfortable than this. A sigh of contentment followed. She wanted coffee. She craved it. Almost smelled it. "I know. I'll work on everything for now. I have a meeting with the Chair at ten. I'll arrange one with the staff. We have to go over everything. The syllabus, the subjects, the teaching strategies. It's going to be a full day."
"I'm here to help, Sara." Sara nodded. He was the Dean of Students' Affairs after all. His help was needed and also welcomed. His office was right next to hers still. "Are you going to take any graduate studies classes or only BA?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure." She switched on her computer to begin working before her first meeting. She had many points that needed discussion. "With the kids and all, I have to take a few classes in the first semester. That's what I'm going to discuss with the Chair. I either take BA or MA classes. I'm not too keen on taking PhD ones because…well, it requires too much work and I'm often not taken too seriously due to my size." She huffed. The computer was too slow. She took a look at her phone. No messages yet from Tegan. One from Stacy to wish her good luck on her first day.
"I understand. I'm taking two MA classes and two BA classes."
"I think I'd rather just take BA classes for now so I can also focus on the deanship work." Jack nodded. "You know."
"Yeah. I get you."
"I want coffee," she voiced her need.
"Dana's getting some on her way here." Sara's smile appeared at the thought. "Wow. You haven't smiled since you got here until now."
"You know how I get when it's coffee time." He laughed a little bit and walked to the door.
"I'll be in my office," he said, "boss." Sara had to laugh. He still made her laugh.
It did feel great to be back to work. She hadn't felt so alive ever since that day she was back after her medical leave. She had a goal to pursue back then. She had Tegan to chase. She had a reason to come to the university each morning. Things deteriorated after her marriage due to the many obstacles she had to deal with at the beginning. Then the big collapse happened. Not again. She knew that she loved this place with everything in her system. It was the place she escaped to after her marriage had ended. It was the same place she met the love of her life at. She had walked many steps inside that campus. It had witnessed her tears and her laughter. She had spent the happiest and the saddest days in it. Those trees around had witnessed all her untold stories. She had fucked in that office. She had sat on those benches she saw outside her window. She had squinted at the sun hoping for a miracle. She had fallen for her wife in that place.
She chased Tegan to her dorm through that street. She said goodbye to Tegan after the heartbreak in that street, too. She had sat in every corner and on every bench. She had many pictures taken around that scenery where the sun gleamed right above her and made her glow thousands of unspoken words. She was loved and hated and chased and betrayed. She just loved her job and she could finally say that she didn't have to own an object of interest to wake up each morning and drive herself there for. She already had it. It was at her house; her love, her life, her wife and kids. And also her job. She had her experience and passion to wake up to. She had her memories and heartbreaks to encourage her. That time she really didn't want to fuck things up.
Tegan brought the girls to the living room. She seated herself on the floor and put the nursing pillow on her lap to prepare herself for their third meal of the day. Tandem nursing was becoming too exhausting. It did help her save so much time, but her babies weren't very small in size anymore.
She uncovered her chest to find a soaked bra which she sighed agitatedly upon seeing. She put Scarlet on her lap first to get rid of the noisy whining sounds. Scarlet latched immediately without her guidance. So did Rose when she put her. That was the good part about them being four months old. Back then they needed so much help, but not anymore. When they nursed, she usually stroked the soft light brown hairs they had managed to grow. She smiled down at them and whispered words that soothed them. Sometimes she talked to Sara, sometimes she used her phone, other times she watched something.
That day, however, she just stared at the closed television with its dark screen and cried. The emptiness in the house helped her release her harbored tears. She cried so much she didn't pay attention her infants weren't feeding anymore. Both of them stared at her with wide eyes. Almost green in color. So big and so beautiful. She stared back and cried the way her daughters did.
"I'm sorry, babies." She sniffled. "Don't look at me." She pushed her breast closer to Scarlet's face, helping her get back to her meal and Scarlet yielded with closed eyes. She did the same with Rose, but Rose rejected her breast. "Why?" She moved her nipple closer to her daughter's lips, but the baby shook her head and shrieked. "Okay, I'm sorry." She picked her up and put her against her shoulder to burp her. "Are you full?" Scarlet wasn't, so how come Rose was? She resumed her silent tears until her older twin was full. She played some music on the television and both girls moved their limbs excitedly and giggled in joy. That made her smile and forget about her boredom.
Sara called after two hours. She had only texted her once to check on her. The phone call, too, wasn't very long. Sara seemed busy, lively, excited, happy. She asked about the kids and made sure Tegan was alright. Tegan assured her that all was perfect and Sara ended the call with that.
She put toys on the floor and sat around with her kids during tummy time. Scarlet held a small colored toy and decided to hit her sister with it then giggled as loudly as she could when her sister cried in fear. "Evil bitch," Tegan said. "Don't do that. Leave your sister alone."
Since toy time didn't work well, she decided to put both of them in their chairs and make them face the mirror. Their reactions were horrifically funny that Tegan ended up laughing for some time at their wide-eyed gaze and parted lips. Rose wanted to reach the mirror and Scarlet was horrified thinking there were way too many more versions of her that she had to live with. Her hand reached for her sister but her mission to annoy her was a failed attempt because Tegan noticed and quickly pushed their chairs apart. "Now, Soosie, if you're gonna keep doing this to your sister, mummy will be very upset." She curled her lips upside down but Scarlet only laughed at being rebuked. "I can't be mad at you." Tegan held her feet and tickled it. "I love you," she said to both her daughters. "Who do I love?" she tickled and giggled and they squealed and smiled and played.
More people called her. Her mother, her mother-in-law, Emy, Jeremy…and even Stacy who talked on the phone for exactly thirty-eight minutes about her dilemma of not knowing what to get Emy for her birthday. Stacy seemed very decided on the gift but her love for rambling made her list all the options loudly.
"You know, Emy's really easygoing. She's fine with everything. Just get her whatever she loves. She doesn't care." Tegan yawned. She wanted a nap, too. Her kids were finally quiet, or maybe Stacy's ongoing chatter made them so. It was strange.
"I know but what if she hates it? This is the first birthday we share, did I say that?"
"Only a few million times." She could pretend that somebody called her. She could pretend that she had to use the bathroom. She could pretend that she had to nurse. Anything just to get her out of this never-ending misery. "Plus, I obviously know since I've known you both before dating!"
"Ugh." Or she could just hang up. "But, seriously, I love her so much I think I worship her."
"Wow." The relationship was still a secret. Nobody knew. Emy's mother was in her third trimester and Emy was supposed to visit in December to help with the baby. She hadn't told her yet. "Don't you have work?"
"Yes…but this is my lunch break…why?" Sometimes she wondered how Stacy was able to be so successful at her job when she was so slow at getting signs. "Are you bored of me?"
"No, I'm tired." It was half a lie! "You know, I woke up at five."
"Yeah. Ella woke up at like seven. We just found her in the room. Emy was naked and I was in my lingerie. It was embarrassing." Gee, Tegan, we had sex last night and it was awesome. Stacy had to make a point.
"Well, that's…umm terrible." She yawned. "I woke up to find Rose with her shit up to her hair…not kidding. Some explosion happened in there." Stacy made a gagging sound.
At least Emy didn't brag about the sex. She didn't even mention it. She did mention Ella barging in and waking them up, but didn't list the details of the state they were in. She didn't know why it bothered her when people talked about their sex lives. She wasn't like that. She didn't want to hear anybody sharing those details. Not anymore. A pang of something untouchable pinched her when the topic was put on the table.
Dana entered Sara's office with two empty glasses and a bottle of champagne, but Sara was preparing to leave. It was 4:30 and the prosperous day she had had left her exhausted. "Where are you going, love?"
Sara chuckled. "I have to leave. Aren't you tired?" Dana shrugged. "How did you manage this? I'm so worried Tegan is losing it right now."
"Did she sound like she's losing it in the eight times you've called?" Sara giggled. "Exactly. She's fine. Let's just enjoy a drink in celebration of this fruitful day." She began pouring the drink and Sara gave up. She could use alcohol in her system. She definitely deserved it. "You were brilliant today."
"Thank you," it was a response to both the drink and the compliment. "I feel good." She gave her friend a piece of mint chocolate since they were the only two people that liked it. Everybody hated mint chocolate except her.
"Thanks," whispered Dana. "So four BA classes is very good." Sara nodded. "And the whole administrative work you have to do. You'll manage well."
"Yes. I had to make sure I'm not taking more than four classes. I want a slow start till I can get used to everything around me." She sipped her drink and stared at her watch. Five more minutes didn't hurt. "Having twins is fucking…outrageous."
"It's hard at first. Whether a baby or two. It's just hard, but when they get older it'll be alright."
"I hope so." She just wanted to have a full night's sleep.
It was story time when Tegan heard the locks of the kitchen door turning from downstairs. She was in her bedroom with the infants in front of her. Each was on her pillow with a pacifier in her mouth as they listened to their mother narrating a story they clearly couldn't understand. Whenever Tegan made a facial expression or released a high tone or sang a little bit, they responded with shaking their legs and smiling at their mother.
Sara walked in slowly, careful not to disturb the tranquility inside the room. The lights were half-dimmed and the room was cool and cozy. "Look who's here," Tegan said to her kids. She closed the story-book and looked up at her smiling wife. "It's the Sara mummy." Sara couldn't resist a giggle. She sat next to her and kissed her immediately.
"Hi," Sara said in a low octave. "I missed you." She kissed her again, eliciting a giggle from the younger woman. "And I missed you two so much." She leaned in to kiss each one of her daughters. Scarlet didn't waste the opportunity to take a hold of her hair and pull. "Ouch, ouch…Scar no." Carefully, she released the strands and caged her index finger inside. Scarlet took it closer to her mouth to suck on it but her pacifier was there. "Wow, you don't even realize you have that thing in your mouth. How greedy."
"This child is hilarious," Tegan commented. "I put both of them in front of the mirror and she looked so scared. She probably thought there are three more versions of her and not just Rose."
"She's going to be a jealous kid," Sara remarked. Just like her mother. "How was your day?"
"It was good." Tegan yawned. "Chill. They were good girls." She winked at her daughters though they didn't understand a thing.
"That's great." Sara stared at her in silence, searching in her eyes for a lie, for a cover-up. Tegan furrowed her brows, not able to decipher Sara's looks. "I fucking missed you," Sara whispered sensually. "My clit is beating for you." She herself didn't know where that had come from. It just did. She just felt it the longer she stared. It was lust and it was large and present.
"Didn't I feed it this morning?" Tegan laughed. "Why are you so thirsty?" Sara attacked her with a kiss. She fell down on Sara's pillow with a loud scream and a sonorous laugh. "Fuck, Sara." She could feel Sara's hand on her body, slowly moving and slightly squeezing. She moaned a little bit but it was in protest of the hand not in delight or joy. "The babies, Sare."
Sara pulled away and pulled her up. She took a deep breath and wiped her lips with the back of her hand. "I guess I had a really good day and now I feel great knowing everything went smoothly."
"I'm glad you had a great day. I can see it on your face." At least one of them did, she thought. "But I'm not going to have sex with you right now because I'm hungry."
"I know." Sara yawned. She wished she'd take a nap. "Me, too." She had to cook dinner. She had to eat. Work a little bit, and also address the elephant in the room. "Umm…I want to talk to you, Tegan."
"Yeah?" Tegan was trying to calm the girls down. They began to wail as soon as Sara attacked her wife with that kiss. "What is it?"
"Not now." Sara started to undress herself. "After we eat. When they go to bed." She received a nod. "Just a conversation, so don't worry." Another nod. "Okay?"
"Yes, Sara." Tegan smiled. She feared that day would come.
Sara prepared the food as she talked to her mother on the telephone. She and her wife had dinner and afterward they sat together in the living room. Tegan read a book and Sara worked and made a few phone calls with her colleagues. Stacy called again and Sara spent too long chatting with her.
Tegan eventually left to the nursery to feed the girls and put them to sleep. She cried again, but tried not to make a scene that time. That was the conversation she really dreaded, at the same time she wished she could get it over with. If only she allowed herself to take that step. It's just a touch. Sara wouldn't hurt her. She would understand. She would be slow. The sooner she got it over with the better. She had done that before. Many times, in fact. Nothing was there to be worried about. Yet she cried. She cried until she felt too tired to cry. She almost fell asleep but Rose's cough stirred the slumber away.
She went to the bathroom. She sat on the toilet to empty her bladder feeling the slight sting as she urinated. She wiped, flushed, and washed her hands then her face. She went back to the bedroom to change to her pajamas before she joined Sara again.
"Are they asleep?" Sara asked, peering over the laptop screen.
"Yes." Tegan sat beside her rested feet. She took them both on her lap and began to massage.
"Wow." Sara closed her eyes and put her head back on the arm of the couch. "That's good."
"Do you want some snacks?" Tegan was aware they only had an hour to spend awake and Sara usually didn't eat during that hour. She tried her best to stop eating after eight but she also knew that Sara had barely had a thing in her stomach all day apart from the two meals they shared together.
"No, I'm good," Sara said. "I'm going to get us both a drink."
"A drink?" She seemed excited with her twinkling irises.
"Yes. You should get a drink. You deserve it. I mean you just breastfed them and when they're awake again there are bottles, right?"
"Yes."
"So one drink isn't bad at all." Sara poured some rose' for both of them. She sat next to her wife with one foot under her thigh and the other down on the floor. "How are you feeling?"
Tegan wondered if her wife could spot her vanished tears. She nodded and smiled. "Alright."
"I'm worried about you," Sara admitted. "I feel like something is bothering you." Tegan took a sip and remained silent. "What is it?"
"I don't know," whispered Tegan. Please don't cry. Please don't cry. She took a deep breath and swallowed her tears. "I feel like something is…just…not there. I don't know."
"Is something going on? Your heart? Something else?"
Tegan shook her head and contemplated the proper way to delve into the real topic. She sighed and put her glass down. She smoothed the wrinkles on her pajama pants then looked up again at the tensed eyes of her wife. "I think it's something, umm, sexual."
"Sexual." It was not a question, just a realization. "How?"
If she knew she would have said it. "I'm scared?"
"Of what?" Sara was patient. She asked with a gentle voice. "Having sex again?"
"I guess." Was it that? Maybe it was. "I feel like my libido's dead." Sara kept nodding, thinking, listening. "But at the same time I'm getting wet…normally. I just don't ever feel like doing it. Not even after this morning."
"Do you think it's something related to the birth or maybe you're just not…into me?"
"No, it's not you." Sara was sexy. She loved her body, her kisses, her touches. It was something mental, she predicted. "I'm scared it might hurt."
"You're not a virgin, Tegan." Sara chuckled. "It's not going to hurt…" Sara opened her mouth a little bit but closed it. "Ummm…it might. It might sting a little bit at the beginning. It's merely mental…I guess."
"Did this happen to you?" Sara nodded. "With me?"
"No. I fingered myself before you touched me. The first time was a bit hard, yes. I was just…I don't know…fearful, I suppose." She shook her head at herself and put her glass down when Tegan grabbed hers again. "I honestly thought you might have tried to…you know…" She motioned at her wife's crotch and Tegan, in defense, closed her legs.
"I trust you more than I trust myself."
Sara raised an eyebrow, pride or apprehension getting up to her head. She wasn't quite sure about it. "You want us to do it?"
Tegan didn't give any answer.
"I have to know what you want so I can help you." Tegan sensed the hints of frustration despite Sara's attempts to hide them. "I want to go at your own pace. I don't want to push you. It's been four months since the birth and…I think your body is okay right now. You wanna see a doctor before?" Tegan shook her head quickly. "Okay?"
"I want us to try."
"Now?"
"Ummm…I want it to be slow."
"Tell you what, why don't we start so slow? We start by making out today or tomorrow. Whatever day you wish for. Maybe the next day I'll touch your body above your clothes as we make out. Then after, I'll just rub you. A little bit until…you know, until I can finger you or something. You don't have to cum or anything…it's just to make you feel good and relaxed as if it's your first time," Sara suggested and Tegan agreed with a smile. "Sounds good?"
"Yes." She leaned in to give her wife a kiss. "Umm…if I couldn't…what would happen?"
"Couldn't have sex with me?" Sara didn't understand why she wouldn't be able to. Their sex life had been almost perfect before the pregnancy and birth.
"Yes. What would happen?"
"We'll try until you're okay with it."
"Can we see a sex therapist if it's…too much for me?" Sara looked down at her lap, fiddling with Tegan's suggestion. "Only if you want to."
"It's not that I don't want to. I just think that you're scared there's something wrong without even trying." Tegan sat back again. "But of course we can see a therapist if something is wrong. I just want you to be honest with me."
"I honestly don't know what it is and this is me being as honest as I can." The tears made their way to her lids. "I just feel wrong."
"I'm not judging you, Tegan. I mean you're pleasing me and there's nothing wrong with it so what makes you think you'll find it hard to be touched?" Tegan shrugged. "We can't know unless we try."
"Yeah. I guess you're right."
"I won't set a day. Whenever you feel like trying, just kiss me. Tell me you feel like giving it a chance. Let it be about you. The making-out, kissing, groping and whatnot."
"Okay." She put her glass down again. "But not tonight. I don't want to force myself as well."
"You shouldn't." Plus she was tired and wanted to sleep. That was a good first day and she didn't want to ruin it for her or her wife.