Catharsis

by poemsandroses

Catharsis is the purification and purgation of emotions—especially pity and fear—through art or any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration. What happens if a parallel universe existed and gave both women another chance to restart what they have ended? This is the parallel ending to Halo.

42. Take My Hand

Tegan and Sara had been waiting for that day since Sara's birthday a month before when their friends dared them to host a killer Halloween party at their place after they lost a game of Taboo to Stacy and Emy. Jeremy and Denise came second while Dana and Jack came third.

Tegan had always loved Halloween. It was, in fact, her favorite holiday of the year…except it wasn't even a holiday. Still, she loved it so much and she cared about it way more than she should. Sonia had always put too much effort to get her to be the best dressed during each Halloween party and she took that from her mother. She couldn't even remember a time when her costume looked plain or normal. She had baby pictures in superhero or animal costumes. As she got older, she went through a phase of loving witchcraft so for three years she followed the Wiccan trend. However, the past few years of her life Halloween hadn't been something she looked forward to due to her circumstances…until she and her wife were dared to host a Halloween gathering if they lost. The one who suggested it was Emy. Tegan said yes immediately while Sara shook her head until she was begged with pouty lips and puppy dog eyes which made her yield to Tegan's wicked ways of persuasion.

It meant cooking, entertainment, and costumes which she had to take care of. Tegan told her she would handle the costumes for herself and the babies. Jeremy and Denise volunteered to help with the decoration and Stacy offered to help with the food. Jack and Dana were going to buy the candy for the kids who did the trick or treat and the alcohol for the adults. Therefore, Sara only had to offer her space and her time. Plus, Tegan looked excited and she could do that for her.

Tegan hadn't told Sara what her costume was going to be. She called her mother almost daily asking her about some details since she wanted to work on the costumes by herself. Since she couldn't go out shopping with the kids, she had to purchase few items online and then fix them on her own. She worked with the needle and thread almost every morning and tried on the different options she'd have. She also had to lose weight for her costume and that's why she had been watching her diet for the past four weeks.

She had to deal with some bloating while menstruating and her costume almost did not fit. She freaked out until the period was over and her body was more relaxed. She did a lot of kegels, she masturbated way too much when Sara was at work, and she exercised since she was finally able to.

She and Sara still hadn't had the chance to have their Sex Sunday or a date but they did have sex as soon as her menstrual cycle ended and Tegan loved it…but she wanted more. She hoped the gathering or the party or whatever her friends wanted to call it was going to get her mind off her misery. She hoped she was going to have the time of her life.

She also couldn't wait till her kids grew up so she could take them out tricking or treating. Her father used to do that when she was young. Her adorable looks always earned her so much more candy than her brother. Sonia would propose to hide the candy in her closet so Ted wouldn't eat it but she knew her father would eat it instead so she refused. She had her special places that nobody knew about.

Her love for Halloween had been passed down from her parents to her and she hoped she would pass it to her daughters. Despite Sara not giving a single fuck about Halloween, she promised herself she would be the one who would hype her girls up for it. Sara could hype them over Christmas since she didn't give a fuck about it.

She called Sara many times that morning but Sara never picked up. She had looked for Sara's costume all day long but couldn't find it and she was in deep fear that Sara hadn't worked on her costume like she had promised before. She also texted Sara but no luck was found.

Meanwhile, Sara was inside her classroom where she was working with her students on the analysis of Edgar Allan Poe's remarkable poem "A Dream within a Dream." She surely allowed her students to speak, but her mind held its own interpretation where words seemed different due to her distinctive experiences. After all, literature was about experiences. Some thoughts intrigued her coming from the people half her age seated in front of her, while other thoughts made her want to chortle in mockery. Despite all that, she had to keep a straight face and hum whenever a student shared a perception.

"It reminds me of To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf," said a student. Sara furrowed her brows. "It's about the lapse of time…or the change in time…the shift. It reminds me of that novel." Sara understood where her student was coming from but she also understood that the student had taken the English Novel class she'd taught a year before and she was trying to impress her.

"Elaborate please," asked Sara. Her eyes pierced through the seated woman, waiting for her to speak and explain but fear was transparent on the pale features.

"Uh…" Sara nodded. "Like the shift in stanzas…it…it reminds me of the chapters of that novel. There's past and there's present. A memory that seems kind of lucid, but also it happened so long ago that time makes it seem like a dream." Sara raised an eyebrow. The blushing woman had expressed her exact thoughts, not as eloquently as she would but she still did it.

"That's quite right," Sara said. She walked around in the classroom and stood in the back. "What does the title say?" she asked her students. Some faces were turned around to see her clearly while others didn't bother looking at her. Still, they all responded loudly declaring that the title said A Dream within a Dream.

"Ohhh…it's like that Leonardo Dicaprio movie," another student said. "What was it called?"

"Inception," a guy said, nodding. Sara hadn't watched Inception so she didn't know what they were talking about. "Yeah, kinda like having a dream and inside that dream you're having another one. You wake up from the dream and then you're still inside it."

What…the…fuck. Sara simply rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Okayyyy, I haven't seen the movie so I'll go back to Samantha's interpretation for now," the professor said. "The speaker is indeed shifting the scenery in the two stanzas. I mean if you take a look at the first two lines, he's departing from his lover. 'A kiss upon the brow' is a kiss of death which is normal for Poe to add since his life wasn't so joyful. However, if you hop onto the second stanza, the scenery changes and he's on the beach talking about the sand which has been changed and altered and, dare I say, tormented, and it seems like the sand keeps slipping out of his hand and he's crying because he just can't hold it or save it or keep it and so the first stanza was just a memory to him while sand is just…"

"Time," Samantha interrupted. Sara nodded with a smile then cleared her throat and looked at her other students when she noticed the deep shade of red ascending to the student's face.

"The sand does represent time, yes. You know how in movies you have this beach scenery at the end or at the beginning then there's a flashback?" Some nodded while others didn't, but Sara continued, "That's the same thing. Kind of the same picture. He's wondering how time had slipped out of his hand without him noticing and it seems to him just like yesterday when he said goodbye to his lover." Sara began walking inside the classroom again. "How funny it is that he can barely remember it, though! As if life is just fragments and dreams inside of one another until all thoughts and memories are jumbled and forgotten just like a forgotten dream."

She stopped at her desk where her phone continued to flash her wife's name on the screen. It had been put on silent mode since the morning and she'd had two classes, a meeting, and her present class then another. She took a look and found ten missed calls which made her eyes widen in front of her students. She looked up at them then at the watch on her wrist. She still had fifteen minutes left but the phone calls worried her, therefore she had to do what she had to do. "Okay, class is dismissed for today." She nodded towards her students, knowing too well some of them muffled their laughter realizing she only ended the lecture because she had to answer the phone.

Once she made sure only three students were left inside the classroom, she picked up her phone immediately while gathering her books. "Yes, Tegan, is everything okay?"

"Why aren't you picking up?" her wife asked frustratingly. "I've been calling and texting since morning."

Sara noticed Samantha was still in class. Hurriedly, she grabbed her grey coat and bag to leave the classroom. "I've had classes and a meeting," she whispered. The girl was approaching her and she had to get away before she talked to her. "Is everything okay, Tegan? I have a class."

"I can't find your costume," Tegan said. Sara closed her eyes to suck the anger out of her system then opened them again only to jump a little bit at the view of the brunette facing her. God, how clingy could some people get? Couldn't she see she was on the phone? "Don't tell me you haven't gotten one."

"Tegan, I have to go," Sara whispered again. "There's a costume, don't worry." She took a deep breath. "And please don't call so many times again because it makes me think there's an emergency."

"Oh…okay." It seemed like Tegan had realized her mistake. "Okay, sorry. Bye." Sara shook her head and put her phone down, strictly and rigidly staring at the woman facing her.

"Hey, prof," said the student.

"Couldn't you see I was on the phone?" Sara said rudely. Samantha paused and the smile on her face began to fade. "You should learn not to stand next to people you don't know when they are on the phone."

"I'm sorry…I was…I wanted to ask you about the poem…" The light pink hue appeared again and Sara cursed herself for thinking it was adorable.

"I have office hours," Sara said coldly. "Have a good day." She took a deep breath and walked away.

She had fifteen minutes to calm down in her office. She sat down behind her desk as her legs shook and her mind throbbed with agonizing thoughts. At the beginning of the academic year she promised herself she was not going to be as hostile as she had been, but soon after her previous behavior towards her students and her offensive attitude began to appear. It was a habit she couldn't just magically stop with a snap of a finger especially when she became distressed. Even Tegan had her fair share of terrible treatment back in the days when she was taught by her. She just couldn't be one of those sweet professors students loved. She was often cold-natured and sharp-tongued. When bothered, she expressed her irritation verbally and painted the proper expressions on her face to declare it as well. When impressed she smiled and hummed and commended but never showed excitement. Tegan, also, was the only student to obtain a portion of her love in classes which was why students had noticed her special treatment in the first place.

Some students, too, did not make sense often times. She understood they were much younger than her and shared different experiences as well as came from different societies and cultures, but she also remembered that when she was their age she never stood next to her professor while they were on the phone just to ask a meaningless question. She also never stalked her professors, never cared about them in fact, didn't even feel the need to go to their offices for a chat. She also understood some students found her alluring; her detachment and stoicism did intrigue lesbians and bisexuals around her. It was like a trend falling for mean older women. It was what made Tegan fall for her after all.

The class after was fun to teach because it was a debate class and she didn't have to do much talking. She only directed the debating teams and watched them. The students in that class were fun to be around. They were smart and they were also funny. She always looked forward to it. She only taught it on Tuesdays and Thursdays which made her more excited when the time would come. Sometimes the debates would get so heated she would have to ask both teams to change the route. Sometimes she'd enjoy the heated discussion. Other times the debates would end before the time of the class did so it would give her some time to ask her students' opinions about different matters or just speak about herself and hear from others.

That was one of those times. Once the debate of the day was done, she began blabbering about Halloween. She asked the youth in her classroom if they loved Halloween and if they still celebrated it. Some cherished the occasion passionately like her wife and some just thought it was a childish event.

"Well, my wife insisted we should throw a Halloween party," Sara revealed with a coy smile. She could see her students' shocked smiles and astonished eyes upon exposing a personal detail. She wondered if some of them thought she was straight. She couldn't remember talking about her wife or kids in that class. She had mentioned her kids in another class, but never her wife. "She didn't let me see her costume or my kids' costumes so I'm a bit frightened…" She bit her lower lip when she earned excited gasps.

"You have kids," a shocked student said.

"I have twins. Girls," Sara admitted with a grin. "They're six months old." She noticed a couple of students checking her out and she couldn't help but chuckle softly at the fact some of them thought she was the one who had carried them. "So everything is just a little bit more exciting and new to us."

The soft whispers and the hearty giggles were heard in the classroom. She was asked more questions about her kids. They asked her about the names and if they were naughty and if she found a hard time dealing with them. She gave simple and honest answers but didn't go into details.

"I hope you guys have a happy Halloween," she said before dismissing her students.

Right before leaving the classroom, she heard whispers from two students about her and her wife. "Her wife was her student…I'm sure about that." She stood outside the classroom and heard the chat, "I heard that she was absent last year because she was pregnant." "No, she wasn't. I took a class with her last year. I even heard she can't have kids and the only reason she left university because her relationship with her wife was exposed and the Head didn't allow her to stay." Sara took a deep breath, smiled to herself, shook her head and walked away quickly. Eavesdropping was never going to get her satisfied. Best way to shut criticism is to train your ears not to hear it, she thought to herself.

After trying on her outfit for the last time, Tegan felt satisfied enough and happy it did fit her well. Her only issue with the costume was the vast opening that exposed a generous amount of her cleavage. She wasn't doubtful about it at first. She wanted to look sexy. However, when she sent the picture to her mother, Sonia called her immediately asking her whether she was comfortable enough exposing that much skin in front of her friends.

"I don't know," she responded with a bitten lip. Rose's lips were attached to her right nipple and her hand was stroking the soft hair while her other hand clutched the phone closer to her ears. "I wanna feel…you know…good."

"Yeah, but the cleavage. You never loved showing your breasts." No…never. She didn't know why she just didn't care that day.

"I know…but…I wanna look sexy." Sonia hummed. "Is it bad? Like too bad?"

"No, no," said Sonia. "But it's not you so I'm just wondering."

Tegan got up when she felt the need to pee. "I guess I'm just trying new things." She walked to the bathroom with her daughter still latched onto her.

"What about the kids? You didn't show me their costumes."

Tegan put the phone on speakers and put it on the top cabinet as she walked to the toilet. "I have cute cat costumes for them. So fluffy and furry. I'll take pictures." She lowered down her pants and underwear with one hand and sat down on the toilet.

"What about Sa…wait, are you peeing?" Sonia asked.

"Yeah. Can you hear it?" Tegan laughed. "Sara hasn't shown me hers yet." Tegan sighed. "Ouch, don't bite," she said to her daughter.

"Breastfeeding and peeing?"

"Yeah," Tegan whispered. "The other day I had to just keep Scarlet picked up and use the bathroom because she wouldn't stop crying. Sometimes I take their chairs inside if I have to go badly. It's so annoying." Her mother laughed. "When I shower I take them inside, too."

"I used to do that with you, too."

"Yeah, I remember." Tegan snickered.

"How?"

"Mum, you took me inside till I was five…like I clearly had formed consciousness and a good memory by then." Sonia was laughing. "There were some things I should not have seen."

"Remember when you saw me inserting that tampon and you told your brother I have a cave in my vagina and I hide things in it?" Tegan groaned as she wiped. "He thought you were a liar."

"You weren't supposed to do that in front of me. I noticed things at three, mum. I clearly remember you doing some weird shit in front of me that I truly don't wanna talk about." Sonia couldn't stop laughing which made her daughter laugh more.

"I didn't know where to keep you. You were so small and sensitive and attached and I just felt like I have to keep you close to me all the time." Tegan struggled washing her hands. Her daughter was still held tightly in one arm as she tried to properly wash the hand she used. It was just a fucking struggle having kids. "You turned out amazing, anyway. Didn't get pregnant at sixteen, didn't do drugs, didn't do weird crazy shit."

"And never had sex till I was nineteen." Tegan snorted. "I really was an innocent child."

When Sara arrived, she changed her clothes quickly to begin cooking for her guests and Tegan joined her in the kitchen to help. They did the work in silence accompanied by soft whimpers coming from their kids in their bumbo chairs. Jeremy was supposed to come in an hour to help with the decorations then leave again and come back later. Tegan took few breaks to pump or change diapers or feed her kids and Sara talked on the phone with her friends who were asking about the preparations.

Stacy almost decided to call Sara and tell her she was not going to make it. She panicked when she arrived home and found her partner sprawled on the couch with tears in her eyes.

"I'm not feeling well," Emy said. "I didn't go to college today."

Stacy tried to help. She tried to understand what was happening to her girlfriend but she couldn't.

"I just feel weak," Emy explained. "Like my body's all…I don't know."

"We should not go," Stacy said. "You should rest."

"No, no," Emy shot. "It'll make them upset, especially Tegan." She took a deep breath and sat up. Ella's concerned and puzzled face met her. She tried putting on a smile for the kid. "I'll try to take a nap. I hope the headache goes away."

"Can I make you some herbs or some smoothie to make you feel better?" Stacy offered. She was still in her scrubs seated next to her fatigued lover.

"It's fine, Stacy." Emy got up slowly with a hand on her head. She closed her eyes as her vision grew foggy then opened them again. "I'll go to bed."

When she woke up from her nap, she saw Ella asleep next to her. Her thumb was in her mouth and tears had stained her cheeks. She paced to the living room where Stacy sat on her own.

"Hi," said the nurse with a jump. "You woke up."

"Yeah." Emy nodded. "I feel much better." She joined her lover on the couch and rested her head on her shoulder. "I guess I was just exhausted." She yawned. "Ella's asleep."

"She cried herself to sleep next to you. I'm surprised you didn't hear her."

"Why was she crying?"

"She was worried." Stacy smiled. "She gets scared."

Emy looked down at her hands as overwhelming thoughts invaded her body. She felt a tingling feeling and a deep sense of coyness climb up to her heart. "She loves me," she whispered.

"Oh, really? I haven't noticed that," Stacy said sarcastically. "She worships the ground you walk on. You're the new Tegan." Emy giggled.

"She still thinks Tegan is a goddess, though."

Stacy shrugged. "First love is first love." She winked at her girlfriend who raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"I know who your first love is, Stacy." She rolled her eyes.

"And I know yours, Emy." Stacy began to tickle her partner who squealed, laughed and screamed. "We're very even."

"My first love was Tommy in grade four," Emy said with loud and jubilant laughter.

"Mhm." Stacy was on top of her, kissing the exposed and flushed parts of her skin. "Sure."

Emy cleared her throat when the piercing ocean eyes were focused on her own ones. "Well, I don't love her anymore." Her voice was raspier than usual and stripped out of confidence. "I don't know how I loved her, anyway. She's not my type." Stacy kissed her nose.

"What are you talking about?" The older woman chuckled. "She's everyone's type. Boys and girls."

"Stacy," Emy whined.

"The boobs…have you seen them? I don't have that."

"It's never about that," Emy argued softly. "It's really not about that. At least not to me."

"What did you love about her then?" Stacy was a confident woman. She would never ask or inquire about past relationships neither would compare herself to others, but that hint of jealousy made Emy feel good for some reason she was not able to know. It's like it made the older woman more of a human.

"I don't know." Emy shrugged. "I guess the fact I couldn't have her played a big part."

"Oh, tell me about it." Stacy shifted her body away and smiled to herself. "That was my problem, too."

"Not the boobs?" Emy said with a wicked smirk. "Because I noticed Sara, too, kinda has…some weight in there."

"I was fourteen, we were both surfboards." That response made Emy laugh loudly and hysterically. "I remained the same but hormones caught up to her.

"I think we should get dressed. We wouldn't wanna be late after daring them," Emy suggested with a yawn.

"Yeah, yeah." Stacy got up. "Gotta wake El," she mumbled to herself.

Sara was finally informed that her wife and kids were following a cat theme. She was supposed to be cat woman and her kids were going to go as small, furry cats. She was shown the costumes for the kids but Tegan wanted to put hers on then surprise Sara with it. They both did their makeup in the bathroom. Tegan started first and Sara followed.

When Tegan was done with her makeup, she thought she should get the girls dressed first then get dressed herself so Sara could watch them when she finished. Thankfully, they had been quiet for the past three days and very pleased with their new Bumbo seats, but Tegan always faced a problem taking them out of it because their legs got stuck there, especially Scarlet's chubby ones.

"Sara, help," she called as she was trying to pull her daughter out of the chair. "She's stuck again."

Sara walked in the room with soft makeup and half her hair straightened. She shook her head at her daughter and laughed at her wife's struggle. "It's all that boob milk," Sara said. She pulled the legs slowly one by one so the baby wouldn't get hurt but Scarlet still managed to cry.

"For your information, boob milk keeps them healthy. Formula makes them gain weight," Tegan explained. "I was a chubby baby, too. These are my genes."

"Okay, okay." Sara chuckled as she picked up Rose. "Let's get them into the nursery." Sara walked and her wife followed.

Both of them were in the same black bras and panties and the only difference was the size. Sara put Rose in her crib and Tegan put Scarlet on the changing table. When they scanned each other simultaneously, they couldn't help not to burst in sonorous laughter. "I'll never get us the same underwear again," Sara said.

"Yeah, we look weird," said Tegan. "But so comfy."

Sara pecked her lips. "I'll always get you comfy underwear." She slapped her ass and walked away with a wink. Tegan had stopped bra shopping with her wife since that time she was pregnant. If she wanted something, she told Sara about it. Maybe her mother was right and she was not supposed to show that much cleavage with her self-consciousness. But she couldn't just change her whole costume when their guests were about to arrive. She really thought she had overcome that issue. She truly thought she was going to look and feel sexy. She honestly believed she was going to seduce her wife. After all, she just wanted to catch her wife's attention. She wanted more than a slap on her ass or flirty talk. She wanted sex that could rock her world and affection—so much affection till she couldn't get more.

She finished getting her girls dressed and began playing with them as they giggled and moved. She spent some time tickling and pinching cheeks and kissing noses until Sara cleared her throat from behind. She turned around expecting a special Halloween costume like the one she had prepared, and, honestly, she had been dreading Sara's options before but she didn't expect Sara not to take the whole thing seriously. She definitely didn't expect Sara to end up wearing a yellow V-neck with the word Costume printed on it in black with simple blue jeans.

Sara laughed too loudly even though she hadn't said anything amusing. Her spirits were crushed. She should have expected it. "What the fuck, Sara?" She rolled her eyes and walked out of the room.

"What?" Sara said, still laughing. "Isn't it funny?"

"No, it's not," she screamed with tears already in her eyes. "You know how fucking hard I've worked on my costume?"

Sara's laughter died down and her expression shifted as her face grew paler and her scowl grew bigger. "No, I don't. You haven't shown me a thing. Plus, I didn't have time to look or find something."

"You just don't care about Halloween," Tegan said. She got into the bathroom and closed the door. Sara sighed and went back to the nursery to move her little kittens to her room.

"Your mummy is a drama queen and I really hope you won't become like her," she talked to her babies. "She also has terrible mood swings." Sara sighed. "I really love her but lately I can't understand her." She received sounds from Rose trying to converse with her. "Yeah, you're right, Rosie, she's young and she's probably bored at home." When she heard the doorknob beginning to turn, she stopped talking.

Tegan cleared her throat and looked down on the floor with her all tight black leather costume not leaving an inch of her body without exposing in precise details. She simply looked hot. She looked like those women Sara swooned over in movies. The cat mask was giving her an edge that Sara knew for a fact she could just take her right there. The breasts were pushed together and exposed to every eye that was going to be in the room. Her legs looked so good. No wonder she was going on and on about losing the baby weight.

One problem, though—as soon as her girls looked at her masked face, both of them screeched and cried loudly.

"No, no, no that's mummy…not batman," Sara said. Tegan removed the mask and picked Scarlet up to kiss her red face. Scarlet calmed down and immediately found her target as soon her eyes fell on her mother's cleavage. She began moving her lips in a sucking motion to get her awaited meal. "Ohhhh, come here. You're gonna give us a hard time today with this costume, huh?" Sara took her from her wife's hand while Tegan remained silent. She hadn't said a word since she left the bathroom. "You look sexy," Sara complimented.

"I look stupid," Tegan said with a sigh. "I don't know what I was thinking." She was trying her best not to cry because her makeup would definitely be ruined. "I thought I'd just…I don't know."

"It's just…not you." The same words her mother had used. "You look really hot but…I'm a very traditional type of…partner and I don't like it when your breasts are out there for my friends to stare at."

Tegan raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "I can see your cleavage, too." But it was smaller and wouldn't grab anyone's attention. Sara raised her top a tad to hide what Tegan was eyeing. "Do I look like a whore?"

Sara tittered. "You look like my slut." She winked. When Tegan rolled her eyes, she said, "You don't. You just don't look like you and this costume is not gonna be comfortable. I would have loved if you just posed around for me until I ripped it off and fucked you, but…"

"Yeah, because you're doing that so much now," Tegan shot back. "Well, I'm sorry but Halloween is about being slutty and you'll have to deal with it."

Sara didn't answer for two reasons: Tegan began her stubbornness series and she felt no need to argue with her because she was just going to do the opposite of everything she'd tell her, and Tegan had worn that cat costume just to piss her off, make her jealous, and get her in bed later on. Tegan's sneaky ways of getting what she wanted were developing and becoming much better and more planned than ever. Her wife was actually pretty mischievous and she hadn't realized it. She had Sara wrapped around her finger.

Stacy whistled at the door when she saw Tegan in her costume, earning a playful slap from blushing Emy who apologized for her girlfriend's behavior to both Sara and Tegan.

"Stacy," Tegan said, "I liked you way better when you didn't act as horny as Sara does."

"You never liked me anyways." Stacy shrugged. "So I might as well express my admiration loudly." Stacy winked at her best friend who stood in the back carrying Scarlet.

"Stacy has always acted like a horny man," Sara said. "You should have seen her at fifteen checking both girls and guys out in the school hallway."

Emy took Rose from Tegan and began kissing and playing with her. "She's so cute. Give me a kiss. Give me a kiss." The baby giggled and wiggled her feet after each nose kiss. "This is…?" Emy stared at the bewildered face of the baby and the wide olive eyes staring at her. "Ummm…R…Rose?" Tegan nodded with a smile. "Thank God. I just guessed. I can't even tell. I just assumed because she hasn't patted my breasts till now."

"They look the same," Ella chanted. "We will never tell." She sighed exasperatedly which extracted laughter from the four women in the room.

"I love how you look, El," Tegan complimented. "You're the prettiest princess." Ella twirled to flaunt her blue princess dress and then removed her tiara and put it on, giving Tegan a proper show as she ended it with bowing down. "I should be bowing down to you," Tegan said.

"Yeah, don't do it because this thing would probably rip," Stacy said, motioning at her leather costume. She suddenly smirked. "Or do it."

"Stacy?" Emy said with a gasp. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm just kidding," she defended when she earned a glare from her partner and Tegan.

"Seriously, though, what's going on with you? When was the last time you got laid?" Sara asked bluntly, ending the question with a glance at Emy whose face was crimson red. "You know what? I don't wanna know," she said when Stacy opened her mouth.

"At least I worked on a costume not like all of you," Tegan said. Stacy came in as a nurse and Emy as a teacher. "This is Halloween not career day at school."

"I really didn't have time to get anything," Emy said. "I'm really sorry."

"I thought a sexy nurse would look nice." Except there was nothing sexy about her costume. The nurse dress or shirt or whatever she had on stopped right above her knees and the sleeves stopped few inches above her elbows. She showed no skin and didn't look slutty enough for Tegan to accept her costume. "I admit I worked on Ella's look more but I really didn't think you guys would take this seriously…and I guess Sara didn't."

"No. It doesn't revolve around her interests so why should she care?" Tegan said passive aggressively…or maybe that was just plain aggression. Sara couldn't guess any longer.

She didn't respond once again. She sucked in her anger and dismissed the questioning look from Stacy. She tried to ease the tension with a drink, but it increased when Jack arrived and he was not even in a costume which made Tegan fume in her own mind. Jack also checked both of them out. He just couldn't stop staring. Sara hoped she was just imagining.

At least Jeremy and Denise were in Superman and Superwomen costumes and Denise looked as eye-catching as Tegan which took away from the attention Tegan was getting. Tegan, herself, couldn't help but stare in awe at the flaming red hair and glowing skin of the woman. Dana and her kid, too, were in costumes which just made Sara, Stacy, Emy, and Jack look stupid. Sara thought her own costume was smart, at least unlike her best friends' plain ones. Dana was a witch while her two-year-old girl was a red and black butterfly with her wings and tutu. Her boy did not tag along because she knew how annoying and rowdy he could get, especially around other children.

Everyone suffocated the little girl with kisses, even Ella who was overwhelmed with the amount of kids in the house. Scarlet and Rose were too disturbed by all the strange voices and faces and could only relax when they were put down on the floor with the two-year-old brunette to play together. They, too, seemed fascinated. Their giggles couldn't stop and their squeals were louder than the adults' chatter.

Pictures were taken. Tegan didn't waste a chance. She put the toddler in the middle and Ella in the back because she was the tallest and her kids on the sides. In each picture, Rose was focused on Sammy's ruddy cheeks and her mother couldn't get her to pay attention to the picture unlike Scarlet who had Sammy's tutu in her mouth in each picture. That kid put everything she saw in her mouth.

Emy took Ella tricking or treating for a bit as she was promised then got her back while Tegan continued opening the door to the kids while holding one of her babies. The kids loved how adorable the babies looked and some even took pictures with them.

The twenty-three-year-old woman hadn't thought the gathering would be such a success but everyone cooperated to have fun. Jack was patient enough to deal with the kids if they yelled or screamed and Jeremy was in charge of the board games the adults played when the kids began to doze off leaving Scarlet awake alone while Ella was half asleep on Emy's lap.

"She doesn't ever sleep?" Dana asked Tegan while the baby was playing with her hair and face. "Her sister has been asleep for half an hour."

"She's waiting for me to breastfeed her," whispered Tegan so the thirty-something man wouldn't hear.

"She knows?" Tegan nodded. "I thought only my kid had this issue."

"Does it go away?" Dana shook her head with a sigh. "She forces herself to stay awake just to get some boob. She's only six months."

"Some babies are smart," Dana said. "I still breastfeed her before she goes to sleep." Tegan's mouth opened in a shocked 'oh.' "I'm going to wean her soon but she's just so cute." Tegan wondered whether her wife knew about that. When she looked at her, Sara was very engrossed in chatter with Jeremy and Denise and Sara's eyes were full of lust staring at Jeremy's lover. Tegan rolled her eyes.

Her sight fell on Jack and Stacy conversing in soft whispers which she could not hear. It seemed serious because the woman's brows were furrowed in concern while the man talked with rage in his expressions and hand movements. When her eyes shifted their angle of vision again, they fell on Emy and Ella who were asleep on the couch, both cuddling together. A picture needed to be taken because Tegan hadn't witnessed such peacefulness before. She looked back at Dana who was engaged with Stacy and Jack in the conversation, leaving her alone with her thoughts and her baby in her arms.

"Come on, Soosie, let's get you some food," she mumbled to herself…or to her child. It was still the same. Nobody listened.

Even when she left the room, nobody noticed. Nobody cared. She sat in the quiet nursery. She removed her stupid tight costume, leaving herself in her underwear and bra. She began to breastfeed and cry like she did each night or each morning. It was a routine. It was a fruit she devoured. It was a chore on her to-do-list.

What was that feeling, God? What was that fucking feeling that didn't make her enjoy any fucking thing? Everything was so bland to her. She thought the party would bring her joy, give her something to get her mind off her misery. The misery increased somehow. It was terrible. So terrible.

Please end.

Please stop.

Make it stop.

She cried with burning tears and loud sobs which she muffled with her palms. Even her selfish Scarlet stopped nursing and began to cry along. Scarlet never showed affection. It was only Rose. Rose always stopped and stared. But Scarlet…that was a first.

If she could just get rid of them…no, no, no…what were those thoughts? Just for a day. How could she be so cruel? She cried and cried because she felt fucked up. She was not a good mother, was she? But why did she not like them around but at the same time couldn't live without them? She loved them but why was she so sad they were alive?

Her mind was a disease. She had to get rid of her mind. She had to stop thinking. She had to do something.

Everyone talked about their jobs and lives. Everyone. Every fucking person. Everyone. Everyone. Everyone but her.

Everyone.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

She had to stop. She closed her eyes and curled on the floor with Scarlet seated next to her crying for food. She had to stop. She had to…just end…go away…this stupid brain. It was hard living with it.

Sara noticed her wife was gone immediately but Dana told her she was probably feeding the child so she did not follow. When they saw Emy's state, they decided to leave but Stacy just stood there staring at her partner and child.

"You should stay," Sara whispered.

"No," Stacy said. "There's no room. We have work tomorrow." Stacy picked up her kid who whimpered a little bit. "Em," she called softly, "honey, wake up." She shook the small figure.

Emy groaned and turned around.

"Leave her here," Sara said but Stacy's eyes widened. "You know, just stay a little bit longer at least. It's not even eleven. Let's have a drink."

"I should help you with the cleaning up, anyway," Stacy said, putting her daughter back down on the couch.

"No, it's not that." Sara chuckled. "I'll check on Tegan and come back."

Sara walked up to the nursery and opened the door slowly. She gasped at the scenery of her wife's body curled up on the floor as she slept while her baby was awake, attempting to crawl and move around without any supervision. She picked up the baby who squealed and danced.

"You stink," she said with a wrinkled nose. "Did you kill your mother?" Sara asked. She took the baby to the changing table. "I don't know how your poop stinks so bad. It's not…" Sara shrieked like a little girl at the dirty diaper, waking up her wife. "That's so disgusting. I'm gonna throw up."

"What?" Tegan said, now awake and startled with heart beating like a drum. "I fell asleep?"

"I just came in and you were asleep." Stacy walked in with a knock. Sara looked at her and smiled. "Come in. I'm changing for stinky." The mother shook her head at her smiling baby. "Stinky and smiley."

"Ohhh you took it off?" Stacy questioned half naked Tegan. "Must feel much better now." Tegan nodded as she yawned.

Had it been sleepiness? Had she been tired? How long was that nap? She felt better…a little bit. She hoped the feeling would last.

"You fed her?" Sara asked her wife. Tegan nodded. "No wonder." She picked up the clean baby and put her in her crib. "I really hope you sleep now." She put the pacifier in her mouth and stared down at her.

"What's the point? Her sister will probably wake up and try to milk me, too," Tegan said irritatingly. "Did you know Dana still breastfeeds?"

"Yeah," Sara said. "It's fucked up. The other day she left her class with a stained shirt."

"I can't count the times I left places with my boobs leaking," Stacy commented. "I was stopped by random people on the street to tell me I have stains on my breasts."

"Why didn't you use nipple pads?" Tegan inquired.

"I did but sometimes they moved and sometimes the boob just did its magical thing producing way more than it should have." Tegan stood up with a yawn. "I breastfed till she was two as well."

"Really?" Stacy nodded. "I remember you coming here when she was two."

"Yeah." Stacy laughed a little. "I had just stopped by then. She even gave me a hard time that night in Sara's room because she was still trying to get me to feed her."

"Guys, shhh," Sara whispered. "She's asleep." She put a hand behind her wife's exposed back and a hand behind Stacy's. "Let's leave."

Tegan felt too exposed when her wife touched her. Sara hadn't commented on it but she knew what Sara was thinking.

"Are they all gone?" she asked.

"Yeah," Sara answered.

"Cool. I'll put something on and come down." She should not isolate herself because that's when thoughts were too dangerous and atrocious inside her head. She already had too much time to spend alone daily and she needn't more of that alone time to make herself feel so low.

"Let's clean up," Stacy said.

Tegan took a very quick shower to rid herself of the stained makeup, tears, and sweat. She put on her pajamas and walked to the nursery to pick up Rose who had rolled on her stomach and was trying to move around her crib.

The mother loved how quiet that child was compared to her twin sister. When her kids had been born, Tegan thought Scarlet would be the quiet one due to her weakness and dependence but as the days passed, everyone noticed that Rose was way calmer and much easier going than Scarlet. When she woke up, she stayed in her crib without making a sound for a long time unless she felt extremely hungry or restless. When she was seated, she remained quiet focusing on her surroundings or she played with whoever was watching her. She always laughed and giggled and tried to interact with hand gestures or audible interactions. She loved kids older than her. Whenever she saw a baby or a toddler she squealed loudly and tried her best to catch their attention. She even adored Ella's presence even though Ella couldn't tell the difference between her and her sister. Not only that, but she loved her sister, too. Often times she stared at her sister for too long as the latter cried or whined or nursed.

Tegan had stopped nursing them together. She would put one next to her while nursing the other if they were both awake, always starting with Scarlet to get her to stop whimpering or screeching. Feeding them together had become a bad idea once Scarlet was able to grab her sister's hair and pull as harshly as she could or reach her mother's other breast and take a hold of it as her sister was having her meal.

When she went down, she found Stacy finishing cleaning up in the guestroom while Emy was barely awake on the couch with Ella still on her lap.

"Thanks, Stacy," said Tegan. "Sara's in the kitchen?"

"Yes," answered Stacy, cleaning the coffee table. "You're welcome, honey."

It was rare when Stacy called her that but she had grown fond of it with time. It reminded her that the woman was caring and mature despite her usual behavior.

She sat down next to her best friend on the couch and held her baby closely to her chest. Rose turned around to stare at the sleeping child. A loud joyous sound left her lips as she tried to reach for the child. Emy smiled lazily and Tegan smiled back. She shifted her body leaving no space between her and her best friend while the child reached for Ella's face.

"Don't tease her, baby," Tegan spoke to her kid. Rose tried to pinch the rosy cheek but Tegan pulled her hand away quickly. "No, no, no," she said in a warning tone. "Can't you see she's asleep?" Emy giggled.

"Her head is on my breast and it hurts as hell," Emy said as she groaned. "And my ribs are aching, too." Her partner laughed a little and picked her child up. "No, don't disturb her slumber."

"It's fine." Ella was waking up as she groaned and rubbed her eyes. "We should go upstairs. Come on."

Tegan wondered why they hadn't left yet. She didn't mind them staying but Emy seemed so tired and the party was over after all. They went upstairs and Sara followed right away. She sighed loudly as she sat next to her wife on the couch. A kiss was placed on her wife's head and the child was taken in her arms. Stacy also sat next to her partner and Ella was on her lap with eyes small and sleepy.

"It was a good day, Tegan," Stacy said. "I think everyone enjoyed the gathering." Sara smiled as she winked at her wife who gave her a lopsided smile in return.

"Thanks." At least they did.

"Sorry I fell asleep," Emy said. "I get tired quickly."

"Where is the baby?" Ella asked her mother. "Where did she go?"

"Sammy?" Stacy wondered. Ella nodded. "She went home with her mummy." The kid frowned. "You like her?"

"Yes." Ella nodded, rubbing her lazy eyes. "She is beautiful and she is nice and she likes me. She laughs when I play with her and she has cute cheeks." As the kid blushed, everyone in the room smiled in unison. Her mother gave her few kisses and Emy gave her one on her head.

"How about I get you a sister?" Stacy teased but the couple opposite to her could clearly witness her partner's face changing in complexion immediately. "A cute little sister to play with?"

Ella looked up at Emy who was just stunned with lips parted and face paler than ever. "No," she said loudly. "No." She shook her head. She slapped Emy's stomach. "Is there a baby? I don't want a baby. I'm the baby."

"I was kidding," Stacy said to both her daughter and her shocked girlfriend. "You're the only baby I'll ever have." She saved herself quickly but Emy's face was still shaken with fear. "Wanna go back to sleep?"

"Yes." She put her thumb in her mouth immediately and regained her position on Emy's torso to fall back asleep.

"I'm so sorry," Stacy apologized. "She thinks you're a pillow or something," she joked but Emy didn't mind it; she was already stroking the smooth hair of the child with a smile. "Sorry about the…sister thing, too," she whispered.

"It's okay," mouthed Emy while Sara yawned. Rose yawned in return.

"Give her to me," Tegan said. "Let me feed her so she could go back to sleep." Sara handed the baby to her other mother and watched her as she unbuttoned her pajama shirt and cooed to her daughter. "You want some food, Rosie?" Sara noticed the other couple was staring. "Ready for some food, aren't ya?" She tapped her nose and watched her as she latched on.

"Who wants a drink?" Sara stood up.

"Please," Stacy said.

"Me, too," Emy joined. "But I think we should leave, Stace. It's getting late."

"Just this drink." Nodded Emy. "Tegan?" asked Stacy. "Emy and I are going to babysit your kids this Saturday so you can spend some time with Sara. We can't on Sunday so Saturday seems good." Tegan furrowed her brows at first but then glanced at her wife standing next to the mini bar and Sara nodded. "You guys deserve it."

Sara must have asked her. Thank fuck. It was about time. "Yeah, we do." She wasn't going to deny that. "I could use some sex…like real good sex." She put her head back and sighed. "Lots of nice, pussy aching sex."

Though Sara was laughing, her face was as red as a tomato. She joined her wife on the couch again and gave her a questioning look. "Tee," she whispered with a bitten lip.

"What?" Tegan giggled. "Can't I express my need for sex? It's healthy. I miss having it on regular basis like every other couple."

"If it makes you feel any better," Stacy started, "since ever Emy started school and work, we've only had it about three or four times." Emy kicked her foot.

"Don't reveal that," she whispered loudly. "That's personal."

"We're friends," Stacy said. "We share everything." Emy sighed loudly. She was still not used to that much exposure of her life and much to her luck she was dating Stacy who loved nothing but exposing everyone's dirty business.

"I think that it's healthy to share," Sara said with a shrug. "I like sharing things with my friends. It makes my anxiety dissipate. Rather than thinking the thought too much in your head, you should like talk about it." Maybe Sara was right and Tegan should talk about her inner thoughts and demons, too. But it felt so hard and too much work to admit them. She wasn't sure Sara would understand anyway.

"Yeah, but some things are just personal," Emy responded.

"No offense, but you and Tegan do share a lot of personal insight on our lives, too—I meant my life and Stacy's." Tegan's eyes widened. "I haven't been told but I know it and I think it's just healthy she has a best friend she can trust to talk to and share her turmoil with." Stacy was nodding while Emy and Tegan shared eye contact full of burning questions. "Same thing for Stacy and me— we like to confide in each other."

"Exactly," Stacy added. "And now we're all friends and it's fine if we just talk about thsee things. I mean I've seen all of you naked so nobody should be shy around me." She smirked and sat back. Stacy did have that privilege. But Tegan also owned something they all shared in common—the three women in the room had seen her naked, too. Sara and Emy hadn't seen each other naked and she had never seen Stacy naked.

"Emy's not used to sharing," Tegan said. "She's not as verbal as you two are. I got used to it because Sara has no shame sometimes so now I just speak the same way she does around you," she addressed Stacy. "And yes some things are personal and should remain a secret between the couple but I think it's just too late for the two of us…I mean Sara and I and you two to, you know, hide shit. You and Sara just can't do it."

"You literally just said you want pussy aching sex, babe," Sara said with a chuckle.

"I mean two years ago I wouldn't have said such a thing in front of Stacy at all," Tegan explained. "So it's all your work."

"Or you're just so comfortable around me now?" Stacy shrugged.

"No," Emy said. "Even when we…ummm dated, she never said such things. Like she never, you know, expressed her desires so loudly and shamelessly." Sara nodded. "And it's harder for me because I'm not used to that at all. It's just awkward for me to talk about my sex life in front of someone older than me or...like, someone I'm kind of intimidated by," admitted Emy and everyone understood where she was coming from. They knew the reason why and they all decided not to go further into the discussion.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that," Stacy apologized. "I think we should go. It's really late."

Tegan counted the days until Saturday. Wednesday morning she purchased lingerie online; she thought she would try to seduce her wife. She marveled at the collection of lace on sexy models. She couldn't decide on a design or a color. Sara loved her in thongs and lace bras. Nothing too fancy. Nothing to extreme. There was feather. There was silk, too. But one caught her attention and she blushed even looking at it or imagining herself in it. It was black and it was lace. It was a very small bra and a very small thong with lace stockings and lace garters with attachable suspenders. There was a red one, too. But it looked too Christmas-y and Sara would just laugh looking at her.

Her curiosity was also aroused to view some selection of sex toys. She didn't want to buy any; she just wanted to study some new collections. After all, her experience was limited in that department. However, one little clit stimulator caught her attention and she couldn't get her mind off of it. Whenever she scrolled down, she scrolled up again to take one more look at the small white device. It was tiny, affordable, and women's favorite. She read the reviews which only got her more intrigued. She read about the toy and the part that made her heart drum faster was the fact that the little machine gave light suctions and pulsating vibrations. Apparently that little thing sucked the clit and stimulated it with awesome waves of pleasure that Tegan felt herself pooling for need. She had to add it to her cart. She had to purchase it for her personal use. And so she did.

That turned her on and made her excited so when the kids were asleep, she took off her clothes and played some lesbian porn on her laptop without even muting the volume. She spread her legs in front of the screen and started playing with her cunt. She tried to imitate the moves she saw but they all needed a partner and Sara wasn't there to help her. She fucked herself with two fingers and rubbed her clit until she came. After her orgasm, she rested on the mattress for awhile until she was cried for in the other room. She had to wash up and get to her kids quickly.

That night, she didn't even ask for sex. She was satisfied and too excited about her little toy to even hint about sex. Also, she had to keep her body ready for Saturday.

Sara corrected papers angrily while she played with the kids. "I have never ever seen such fucked up grammar in my life," Sara complained and Scarlet fell back on her head with loud laughter.

"Oh my God," Tegan squealed. "She thinks your anger outbursts are so funny." Scarlet couldn't stop laughing whenever Sara said something while Rose was occupied with a red toy she hadn't let go off all morning. Red always caught her attention.

"I'm fucking serious," Sara exclaimed. "They're literature students and their grammar fucking sucks." Sara threw the papers away. "Come here, mini Tee." She usually called Scarlet that due to the resemblance the baby had to her mother. Comparing baby pictures, the twins looked exactly like their mum with green eyes and smaller noses like Adam. However, everything they did looked like it was inherited from Tegan.

Sara showered her child with kisses and tickles. "I can't handle this cuteness." Sara kissed her tummy as she held her up and then got back to her face while the baby wiggled her socked feet and screamed with excitement. Tegan was watching with wonder and her sister was watching with need to be picked up, too. She threw her arms in the air and waited for her turn. "I wish I can just have all the time in the world with you not having to correct those stupid papers or teach the annoying kids." She put Scarlet down and picked up Rose to give her the same love.

The girls loved being held up in the air by their mother. They enjoyed the kisses and the attention and Sara gave them that whenever they were quiet and cute enough to allow her to do so.

Thursday was boring but Tegan masturbated again as she waited for her shipment. It was supposed to arrive the next day. She couldn't wait for it. She didn't ask Sara for sex and Sara didn't mention it. She was so busy with those midterms that sex was not on her mind.

Friday morning came and Tegan waited impatiently for her delivery. The lingerie arrived in the early morning. She tried the items on quickly, not expecting to see them highlighting the extra fat around her hips, thighs and torso. She was a little bit disappointed and hoped the toy wouldn't be as bad.

When it finally arrived, her kids were wide awake enjoying bowls of Greek yogurt while their eyes were focused on some cartoon on the television. She had to unbox the package quickly while feeding her children. She rejoiced holding the little toy in her hand. It was way smaller than expected but, God, so beautiful. She realized she wouldn't be able to play with it that day because her kids were awake and energetic but it was alright because Saturday was only hours away and she was just ecstatic about the time she was going to spend with Sara.

She hid the box of the toy in her own side of the closet. She buried it deep underneath bags and boxes of shoes. As for the little toy, she replaced it in her small makeup bag and stashed it in her nightstand drawer. She wasn't ashamed of it but she wanted to have that little thing for her when her wife was not around. All that excitement made the day so slow for her.

Sara cooked meatloaf that night. They also enjoyed some champagne when Tegan finished pumping. After that, Sara told Tegan she was going to shave and Tegan decided to join her in the shower since her babies were asleep.

They made out and giggled but they didn't have sex. Sara let her wife help her shave and it was an erotic, sensual moment that made both of them eager for the next morning.

"I wanna take you to a breakfast restaurant outside of town," Sara said.

"There is such thing?" Tegan asked while rubbing fruit scented moisturizer all over her skin.

"Yes." Sara laughed a little. "It presents all types of western and eastern varieties of breakfast." Sara kissed the back of her wife's head, hearing a faint giggle. "It's a bit far away but I'd love a long drive with you." Her hands were roaming up and down against her wife's body while the younger woman had her eyes closed and her body relaxed against the smooth touches. "Just us together in the open air. No people. No kids." A peck was left on the back of her neck. "Like old times," Sara whispered huskily then kissed her left earlobe. "A professor and a student." She gave her a little lick and heard a loud moan in response.

Tegan turned her head to enjoy a passionate kiss. Sara kept her in her arms as their tongues swayed together. No dominance. No fight. No pressure. Just a gentle kiss that showed gentle love.

The younger woman was held closely and spooned as her lover's protective arms were wrapped around her. It was a sweet sleep for a short while until her kids woke up and disturbed the peace.

The new purchased lingerie items were worn underneath her black pants and purple blouse. She thought she should look nice and classy. She spent some time doing her makeup and hair. It was a date—a date she had asked for.

Sara, too, looked nice. She wore wide-legged high-waisted grey trousers with a white shirt underneath. Her bangs were curled and rested on the side of her face. Her eyeliner made her eyes look as green as her daughters'. Her lips were painted light pink. She looked marvelous.

The babies were delivered to Stacy's. Tegan could barely depart. She almost cried handing screaming Scarlet to the older woman.

"I'm so sorry, babies," she whispered to them. Rose's frown was too heartbreaking as Emy picked her up and rocked her a little bit. "It's just today. Mommy needs some time off, okay?"

"Just go," Stacy said. "I can handle them. Don't worry. Ella's playing with Linda at her place and it's just me and Emy in here so don't worry. I got this."

"Okay…uh…" Sara looked hesitant but not too upset. "Diapers, milk, toys, clothes…everything. There's everything in their bag." Stacy nodded while playing with Scarlet who was sucking on her finger. "Is your finger…umm clean?"

"Yes." The friend laughed. "Chill."

"Okay, umm…if anything happens…umm call…I mean try not to…but do if…"

"Jesus, just go," Stacy exclaimed.

Tegan said one more goodbye and the couple was on their way to The Morning Place to have some good food and a small talk. After that, Sara had a plan in mind but Tegan wasn't informed of it.

The music on the road was lovely and they sang along. Tegan took pictures of the scenery and checked on her children. They were calmly enjoying their second meal of the day while listening to some nursery rhymes. The first meal had already been consumed when they both woke up. Tegan had made sure to breastfeed them well that morning.

Sara ordered too much food. She couldn't decide and her stomach growled so she had to try a few options her tongue drooled for. Plus, Tegan had mentioned her desire to eat good food and have a nice discourse with her wife. English breakfast for both of them was definitely not enough. Three-type-chocolate waffle was ordered and a berries and cream pancake was added on the table. Regular pancakes with maple syrup, too. Granola bowls with berries were a must. Sara consumed two cups of coffee while her wife one of coffee and one of orange juice. They still had some food left on the table which they deiced to take back home. They would get hungry during the day, Sara thought. She was not going to cook because she would be too busy making love.

They also talked. They talked a lot. They laughed. They giggled. They discussed many details regarding their friends or kids or life. Sara had to ask about her wife's mental health and she couldn't find a proper place and time to ask other than that one.

"I do have my concerns sometimes, Tegan." The woman took a sip of her espresso and put it down. She cleared her throat and continued, "Your mood swings have been fluctuating."

"I know." Tegan did not face her during that conversation. She continued stirring the melted white, milk, and dark chocolate combination in her waffle plate. "I can't help it," she whispered. "I don't know why it happens."

"It reminds me of the first time we got together when you were nineteen." Tegan nodded. "Look at me," her wife asked softly. "I'd like to see your beautiful eyes, my love."

The eyes were full of tears—silent, restrained, anguished tears. The nose was red and the frown was restless. "Are you considering therapy?" Sara asked again. "You know how I have my own issues with it but I always believe it might be a good option for you."

"I just…" Tegan closed her eyes and opened them again. She took a deep breath and chuckled. "I did consider it." She paused. "And I still do, but…" Sara's eyes shifted downwards to take a look at the nimble fingers dragging the fork against the plate. Even the way she held her cutlery looked like her kids when they held anything. "I just think I need to get used to this whole motherhood thing because I'm not used to it." She exhaled deeply. "I can't get used to it and honestly, Sara, I don't want to get used to it and end up like those suburban moms. I don't wanna be miserable."

"What makes you think you are going to end up leading such a dull life?" Sara inquired patiently. Her hand reached for her wife's, forcing her to leave the fork. She took the sticky skin in hers and squeezed.

"Because I already am doing so," Tegan reasoned. "I don't do a thing and sometimes it's boring." Sara nodded. "I love them so much and I love you so much but I feel like…like I'm lost."

"I cannot lie and tell you that I am aware of your feelings because, for me, my life has become better but it does seem that, for you, life has taken an ugly turn." Sara had thought of that result more than one time during Tegan's pregnancy. She had known that insinuating Tegan's pregnancy was going to have its repercussions and there she was dealing with them. It had almost been seven months of suffering for her wife and she knew it well, she noticed it well, she could tell.

Was she able to do anything about it? Not really. She was trying. Those little gestures—the help she could give—the support and the love—she was trying.

"No, no," Tegan shot loudly. "Not an ugly turn." She smiled. Perhaps it was forced. Sara couldn't tell. "Definitely not, Sara." She shook her head. "I love my kids, Sara. I can't live without them and I can't spend a day without feeding them or playing with them. I love you, too. God knows how much I love you." She blushed. Both of them did, actually. Tegan's hand was squeezed tightly. "I don't know how to explain it to you and I don't want to make you feel left out of this experience but, yeah, I guess it's different with me because I'm doing the, you know, breastfeeding, babysitting…like all of that."

"Do you want to breastfeed still?" Sara asked curiously. It was a question burning in the back of her mind. She didn't want Tegan to end up like her mother or some women she knew in her life but she also couldn't just tell her wife not to breastfeed her own flesh and blood.

"I do." It was a quick answer. Very simple. Very easy. "I have thought about it and I do want to breastfeed them till I am ready to stop…or they are ready." Sara nodded. "I know you think that's part of my…moodiness, Sara." Depression, just say it. She couldn't admit depression to herself so how was she going to admit it to her wife? It was easier for Sara. When she had been diagnosed months before, she came in terms with it, took antidepressants, became better. For her, God, it was awful. She couldn't tell why she was ashamed of it. Perhaps its relation to the kids had a major factor but she had never been a fan of projecting insecurities anyway.

"No, not really." Sara shrugged. "I just think that if you're going back to work soon, you might want to start giving them fewer feedings or…you know."

"That's the thing," Tegan interrupted. "That's my problem, Sara." Sara's eyebrows furrowed. "Do you actually think I am ready to go back to work in few months?" Sara shrugged. "Honest…be honest," she pleaded with thundering eyes.

"It's your decision, not mine," Sara answered, getting lost in the sandy irises that projected misery and fear. "I can't make this decision for you."

"They're your kids," Tegan said. "You know what's best for them."

"Yeah," Sara said. "But I also know what's best for you." Tegan understood the answer without Sara having to voice it. She knew in her heart if she went back to work, more problems were going to rise up, more issues, more arguments, more fights, less time, less love, less everything.

And that's because Sara would never cooperate and sacrifice her time or career the way she had done to her. She knew her wife too well and she had heard it on many tongues. Sara herself had said it. She would never take evening classes for her to take morning ones. She would never accept a lower salary for her to get her own. She would never give up the title of a Dean for her to have the title of a teacher or a TA while pursuing her post graduate studies. If she had married a cooperative woman, she would not have worried. Because, as young as she was, she had lived with a similar situation at home for a long time until her parents learned to cooperate. There were also the hints, the little hints that could tell you whether your partner was going to be helpful or not. It wasn't just about sex, love, kisses in the dark, cuddles in bed, expensive breakfast, long rides, playing with the children, or cooking a meal. It was much bigger than that. The small details told her. The way the clothes were thrown without a care, the way the laundry would accumulate, the way the room would be a mess when she left, the way the closet would be disheveled, the way the bathroom would be dirty after a shower, the way the clothes would be wrinkled and the sneaky questions about whether the shirts had been ironed, the way the crumbs of the chips fell on the couch expected to be picked up the next morning, and the way the body grew dependent on the help it expected to receive. She could clearly sense it in those little things even though they were trivial matters compared to the effort put.

Maybe she was wrong.

She just couldn't tell anymore.

The car ride was so silent and the music was relaxing and soft until Sara parked in a secluded area where no cars were around and no people would ever pass by.

"Do you have to pee?" Tegan had used the bathroom before they left, but Sara hadn't.

"No." Sara unbuttoned the first small button of her white shirt. "I want to fuck you."

"What?" Tegan asked loudly. Her wife laughed. "Here?" Her eyes were wide, searching for a hint of a human being around the place.

"Yes, here." Sara nodded while cuffing the sleeves of her shirt. "Where else other than here in the freedom of nature?" Sara teased. "It had always been a fantasy of mine, Tegan Rain Clement." She unbuttoned her pants and unzipped it carefully. Tegan giggled shyly. "I've told you about it."

"Yeah," whispered the long lost woman. Arousal was just a button easily pushed for her. She watched as Sara lowered her pants a little and released a loud gasp when a dick jumped up greeting her. One she had never seen in their collection. One that was large and light orange in color. One that looked firm and beautiful. "You had been strapped all that…" Sara nodded. "While we were having that conversation?"

"Tee, remember when I was strapped all morning at university two years ago just to fuck you in my office?" Of course she did. She would never forget that.

"Yes." She swallowed the lump in her throat as her hand began to stroke the phallus.

"Then why do you act so surprised, little girl?"

"Don't call me that," she whined but she liked it because she was a whore for Sara's games.

"Oh, reallyyyyy?" Sara whined the same way but mockingly. "What do you want me to call you?" Tegan giggled. She began removing her clothes to show her wife what she had been hiding as well.

"Just Tegan," she said playfully. She stood up a bit, bumping her head on the roof of the car. "Fuck." Sara laughed. She just needed to take her pants off.

"Holy fuck," Sara said. "What are you wearing?"

"I, too, got a surprise for you." She removed the pants and quickly discarded the blouse, throwing them both in the backseat. "Do you likey?"

"Likey?" Her sides were groped and pulled closer to her lover. "Come here, girl, come here." Sara helped her get closer and closer till she was seated on top of her lover's strapped lap. "That's so sexy." Smooth hands brushed the soft skin and examined the lace with tender pulls and brushes.

"I ordered it online just for you." The dick was bothering her. It was just there sitting next to her when it was supposed to be inside her. "Am I gonna ride you?" she asked bluntly but also coyly, biting the piercing underneath her lower lip.

"Yes, you are," Sara said with a rasp. "You may begin now. It's all yours." The hold was firm and tight against her waist and the place was not spacious enough for any type of movement. She had to lift herself up a little and pull the thong to the side, exposing two moist lips ready to engulf a large phallus. "I don't have lube…shit."

"Oh…" Tegan took a deep breath as she spread her lips, making her clit point downwards against the phallus. Sara grabbed it and slapped the little clit with it. "Oh, God." That was loud. Very loud. Sara moved the head of the phallus around her clitoris and circled. "I'm…I'm okay, just push it in." She sucked in her breath and watched the toy disappear inside.

It was too big. It made her body react immediately providing necessary lubrication. She could feel the head poking the tight opening of her cervix and she could sense each throb in her cunt. Her stomach cramped at the sensation. She had to adjust to the length a little bit and the width was not so small as well.

Her nipples were poked and tweaked and played with through the very thin fabric of the bra but she didn't let Sara continue her discovery when she felt herself leaking onto her bra. Sara lowered her own bra instead and pushed her round breasts in her wife's face.

"Lick," Sara ordered, directing a nipple towards Tegan's hungry tongue. "Now begin moving while licking my tit." Sara was playing with her other nipple with eyes closed. The base must have been doing wonders for her clit. Tegan loved watching her but her eyes fluttered until they closed with deep pleasure and need as soon as the delicious sensation hit.

Soon their gentle movements turned into noisy, hard thrusts with loud screams and vulgar vocabulary. Hair was pulled and a clit was rubbed. Nipples were bitten and a silky pussy was fucked deep and well until an orgasm happened and another was birthed due to the movement of the base against the suffocated clit.

Breaths…deep, loud, and tired breaths were shared in the car until tears began to rise up and soon Tegan felt herself crying with the dick still inside her cunt and her arms still wrapped around her lover. She sobbed loudly and she couldn't tell why.

"Did I hurt you?" Sara panicked. "Oh my God, let's pull out." Tegan shook her head and pushed Sara back. She was enjoying her second orgasm in fact. The light movement made the dick poke her tender spots and force a second orgasm out of her.

"Sara," she said breathlessly, "I'm cumming again." Sara nodded and watched the orgasm unfold with her lover's head pushed back and her body dancing up and down sensually and slowly as her mouth was agape and her eyes were closed with streaming tears. "I'm just crying because I miss sex. I've missed this and it's making me…fuck, fuck…fuck…" She took one last deep breath and then a chuckle came out. She opened her eyes and smiled. "I'm done."

Sara kissed her passionately and tasted her tears and sweat. They were not done. They were just more relaxed and their drive home would be nicer and less tense than before. Tegan wished she could sleep or pee or drink water. Their day had just started and she craved more orgasms.

Sara called her best friend to check on her girls as she drove.

"They're adorable," Stacy said.

She was seated on the floor with Scarlet on her lap facing Emy who had Rose on hers. Rose held the bottle in both hands and drank her milk while Scarlet just depended on Stacy to do the work for her.

"They're really talkative," she added. "They keep trying to catch our attention with the voices they make and the little faces." Sara laughed a little. "Now they're both facing each other but Scar is on my lap while Rose is on Emy's so they wouldn't fight. Tegan said they do."

"Yes. Sometimes Scar pulls Rose's hair or takes her pacifier or pushes her then when Rose cries she cries too and tries to be nice again."

"That's such a smart kid," commented Stacy. "A bit bratty, though."

Sara chuckled. "Tell me about it."

"Rose is just drinking her milk on her own while this one is making me do all the work."

"Oh, that's normal." Sara said something in the background that her best friend couldn't hear. "She's either lazy or dependent."

"Is your day going well?" A smirk appeared in her eyes and her partner glared at her. "How many orgasms so far?"

"Stacy," whispered Emy loudly.

"That's none of your business," Sara answered playfully. "This is my cue to go."

"Alright, alright," the nurse said. "Bye. Have a nice orgasm…I mean day." She laughed evilly and hung up. "I bet you they've had none."

"I bet you they've had ten," Emy said. She always imagined them as those sex-crazed couple. That's how she saw Sara. Since university days Sara had always appeared as a sex machine to her.

"You really don't know them well, my love." Scarlet turned around and put both palms against Stacy's breasts. "Jesus, child, you literally have milk in your mouth and you want more?" She kept patting her chest and tearing up. "Aww." Stacy picked her up a bit and kissed her chubby cheek. "You miss your mum's boobs."

"Imagine if every female could just breastfeed on a whim?" Emy stated. "Nobody would be hungry."

"All women would be sore."

"Really? Does it hurt that much?" she inquired while playing with Rose who had found her face to play with and pinch.

"When my breasts were full at work and I couldn't pump or feed or empty them I cried so hard. One time I thought I would faint because the pain was ridiculous and it turned out I had mastitis." Emy just listened with deadpan features and a crimson complexion.

"I remember one time my mum had that when she was nursing my brother," she said. "But I was a bit young so I didn't really get it. Like, I remember her crying and my dad helping her. I was a teen."

Stacy smiled softly. "How is she, by the way?" Scarlet was playing with her hair. Usually hair distracted her the most, especially when she put it in her mouth. "How is she dealing with the new baby?"

"She sucks," Emy answered with a snort. "I can't wait to go there and help her a little. I'm so excited to meet the baby. Mum says she looks like me when I was a baby."

"Em?" Stacy asked and cleared her throat after. "Would you like to have a baby?" Emy furrowed her brows and the darkness of red increased on her face. "Not now. I mean in general, would you like it?"

"Yeah," she whispered bashfully, "but not now at all." She was playing with Rose's hand while the child continued looking up at her with wide green eyes. "Would you like another child?"

"Definitely not in the near future," Stacy answered quickly showing expressions of exhaustion and disquietude. "I've never wanted to have a child so young," she said. "I was on the pill and used condoms but apparently I'm very fertile." Emy giggled. "I've had an abortion before her. I was nineteen." Emy's jaw dropped in shock. "Nobody knows this but Sara and the guy I've been with."

"So he knew?" Stacy nodded. "Wow."

"We were kids." Stacy shrugged.

"Do you regret it?" She shook her head.

"When I was pregnant with Ella, abortion was the plan but Sara talked me out of it and, honestly, I was scared that I'd be punished for life after and not have a child ever like Sara?"

"Sara had…"

"No." she shook her head quickly. She began rocking the whiny child who filled her neck with drool. "She'd always had those issues. I remember it clearly how she was told to get her cysts situation figured out."

Nodded Emy. "Tegan told me about that." She put the bottle down and put the baby against her chest to burp her.

"I blame her mother," Stacy said. "She knew her daughter had a cyst issue and she just didn't care. Like we've known it since she was sixteen and my mum did warn her but she just didn't do anything about it and then Sara just grew up and neglected it for the longest time possible because she and her mother have this really annoying tendency of ignoring the problem till it magically goes away but it never does. That's why they ruined their lives."

Emy was speechless. She couldn't really respond because she knew herself and she knew she faced the same problem and it wasn't something she intended to do. Sharing was just too much for her and it required a huge amount of effort and courage she didn't have.

Meanwhile, the door to the couple's house was slammed shut with loud giggles and squeals. Tegan climbed upstairs with fast strides making clicking sounds with the heels of her oxfords. She didn't close the bathroom's door because she was in a furious hurry. Sara had dared her to keep herself from pissing her pants and it was the hardest dare to her. Once she sat on the toilet and emptied her bladder, she let out a long sigh of relief.

"Good girl," Sara said, making her open her eyes. Her wife stood there with a smug smirk and arms folded as she leaned against the doorway of the bathroom.

"Fuck you," Tegan mouthed and raised her middle finger.

"You will," Sara shouted before leaving. "Wash up and follow."

"Don't you have to pee?" Tegan called as she wiped.

"Yeah. After you're done."

Tegan washed her hand and face, getting rid of the sweaty makeup smeared against her cheeks. She got rid of her blouse and pants too, walking out in her lingerie. Sara whistled as she stood nude and ready.

"Looks even better now," Sara complimented.

"It's soiled," admitted the younger woman. "Really dirty."

"Like the girl wearing it." Those words pushed a nerve for Tegan and Sara knew exactly they moved her arousal to new stages of need. "I'll take a piss and wash up. Pick a toy for us and we'll do whatever you want."

She had one in mind. She'd had it for several days. Surely, Sara wasn't going to like the idea but why the fuck was the blue toy stashed there if it wasn't going to be used except two times? She fished for it and found it. She grabbed the lube and prepared it. She also chose the wand in case Sara needed to use it on one of them.

When Sara saw the feeldoe, she paused for a little bit with orbs moving left and right like an owl in a starless night. "Okay, we can do this."

Tegan picked it up and moved it around watching it wiggle in her hand. "I want the dick in me and the big thing in you," she expressed. "I want you to fuck me with it."

"That's the plan," Sara said with a nod. "But the position…" Sara pushed her wife and grabbed the toy from her. "…I get to choose." She pushed Tegan again until the younger woman was standing against the mirror, legs lax like thin spaghetti. The blue phallus was close to her face, the head touched her cheek and it was slowly pulled down by Sara. Slowly…slowly…slowly…it was dragged like a little snake against her skin until the tip teased the opening of her lips. By then, her nipples had become angry spots creeping from beneath the sheer bra while her clit was big and swollen in desire. It throbbed in the thong and threatened to tear the lace apart.

"Okay," she whispered against the dick which gave Sara the chance to push it in. The first push was fast and it made her gag immediately. She could see how hard Sara's nipples were. She couldn't see her cunt but she knew it was probably sobbing against her thighs.

"Take off your clothes and lie on your hands and knees in front of the mirror. I wanna see these tits bouncing while I fuck your dirty cunt."

One thing she could be thankful for and it truly made her forget about her misery is Sara's ability to predict her needs when it came to sexual intimacy or other aspects in life. Those were also little things but they did wonders because they made her forget about the bad ones. It was like they evened everything out. Dirty talk was just a soft side of the big equation but its effect was humongous. It revived her and it made her feel good. It also reminded her of the good times she'd had with Sara in the past.

Being fucked in front of the mirror was such an exceptional experience. Watching yourself naked was one thing but watching the love of your life fucking you was another. Her breasts did sway and move and they did look like some weird mangos hanging down from her. Eww, no. She loved mangos and she hated her breasts. That didn't work. They were also leaking heavily and she didn't care. They looked like coconuts in fact. Not mangos. Huge and weird coconuts that kept leaking their milk.

Sara pushed and grunted and rubbed her wife's clit and fucked and cursed until she began teasing the little neglected hole in the back, making Tegan scream. The orgasm came right after and hers followed. They collapsed on the floor with loud breaths. They held each other, kissed a bit and dozed off on the floor.

After doing everything with the babies Stacy and Emy could possibly do, their efforts reached a halt when the two girls screeched the loudest they could for thirty minutes straight. It was a marathon of screeching and crying. It was like they were going back and forth communicating in the obnoxious way.

Ella had her hands against her ears as she walked around to muffle the voice while Stacy just whined silently and Emy buried her face in her hands suffering a terrible headache.

"I'm gonna call them," Stacy said at last. "It's nine. I have to call. It's been a whole day. Twelve hours."

"Please do," whispered Emy with half closed eyes.

"You should rest," Stacy said. "Go rest."

"My eyes," Emy said. "I can barely see because of the headache." She sighed. "It's this stupid left side. I think it's a migraine."

"Definitely," confirmed her partner. "Go to bed."

"Take me," Ella said. She lifted her arms up, ready to be carried.

"No, Ella," her mother said.

"It's fine. She can come," Emy said with a yawn. Stacy had the phone against her ear. "But I can't pick you up. We'll fall." Ella giggled. "I'll hold your hand."

"They're not picking up…both of them. Ugh they can't be still…" She looked down at her daughter then at her girlfriend. "That would be seriously…disturbing."

She tried another time with eyes roaming around her lover's fatigued body. She wished she could just give the babies some sleeping pills and get rid of the noise.

"Finally," she exclaimed when Sara picked up. "Sara, please come pick them up. I can't take it."

Sara looked around the messy room with her eyes barely open. Tegan was waking up next to her. They were naked. Her thighs were still slick with wetness and her wife's hair was all over the place. The blue toy was lying next to them. The lingerie was a little bit farther away on the floor.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"It's nine," Stacy said in disbelief.

"Oh my God," Sara screamed. Tegan jumped up quickly with fear stricken features, searching for the disaster around her. "We've been sleeping since morning."

"What?" Stacy shouted. "Are you…"

"Oh, my God," Tegan whispered, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Yeah…we had sex and slept and…we lost the day?" Sara started laughing. "Wow."

"I'm just speechless right now," said Stacy. "I don't care. Come get your children."

"We're coming," Sara said as she laughed. Tegan joined her. "Give us a few minutes to wash up and we're leaving the place."

"Hurry," ordered Stacy before ending the call.

"I don't think we'll ever have an all sex day ever again," Tegan said. "We're old."

"No, we're not," Sara said. "You're barely an adult." She chuckled and pecked her wife's lips. "We're just tired." Tegan kissed back.

"And you wanted to have so much sex till you were eighty."

"The kids would be old enough and not with us so we'd be able to do that," Sara said. She stood up and reached her arm for Tegan. "Take my hand."

Tegan put her hand in Sara's, and Sara pulled her up.