July of that year
The clock's monotonous tick was irksome. Tegan huffed as she waited in the small air-conditioned room with fluorescent lights shining brighter than ever. Her eyes closed a little and a whimper left her lips. Get it over with, she thought to herself and the woman sitting between both spread legs could sense her discomfort.
"Any pain?" the doctor asked.
"No," she quickly answered. "Discomfort."
"Previous sexual intercourse was?" Tegan had already told her…well, she lied, but why would she ask again?
"A month ago," she lied again.
"Mhm." Was she able to tell? It was three months before. Well, they did fool around about forty days before. Sara rubbed her and she rubbed Sara, too. Over their clothes. It wasn't technically a lie. But no intercourse if what the doctor meant required penetration.
"Any issues or complications other than what you told me earlier?" Tegan shook her head when the doctor looked at her, removing the gloves. "You can get up. I need to check your breasts especially that you're still breastfeeding." Tegan nodded.
She thought of her babies. She thought of Scarlet with Stacy and Emy and she thought of Rose with Sara. The flight to California was in the early morning. Sara demanded she would get a check-up before their trip since she hadn't gotten one since healing after birth, especially that she had been getting a reoccurring yeast infection almost every month.
Rose also had a scheduled check-up before their trip. It was at the same time and both mothers couldn't reschedule so they had to separate and leave their other daughter with their friends.
…
The toddler fussed and cried whenever her doctor attempted touching her. Sara tried her best to calm her down, allowing her to clutch her black shirt tightly and smudge it with her tears, saliva, and snot. This wasn't unusual. Rose was not an easy baby around doctors, not after her heart surgery and the dozens of appointments that followed.
"If you could please hold her down against your chest?" Sara nodded, slouching on the chair to help the baby lie down on her body and not feel abandoned. "Make her feel comfortable." Sara held both hands and kissed her daughter's forehead. Rose looked up at her and smiled, her green eyes grew brighter.
"Mommy," she chirped happily, too distracted by Sara's soft whispers to notice her doctor's touches.
Sara kept distracting her with pecks and giggles and soft words until the doctor was done. She picked her up and held her close to her chest. "Good Rosie. Good job," Sara said, filling her face with kisses as the toddler giggled. She stood up and walked to the examination table to put her down and get her dressed in the three layers she had before.
"Heart's perfect," the doctor said, looking at his computer and typing a few things. "Development is good, too."
"Yeah, she's talkative, too," Sara assured, picking up the girl again. "None of them is walking yet like I told you."
"This is more than normal with twins." Sara nodded. "She crawls and moves and that's perfect."
"Her sister's braver. She'd touch the edge of the couch and help herself move but Rose can't do that."
"Yes, Dr. Clement, this is perfectly fine for a post open-heart child." Sara nodded grimly. "She'll walk," the doctor assured. "So you mentioned both of them are still breastfed."
"Yes," Sara confirmed again. She had already mentioned this information when she came in. "Though Scarlet usually has a bigger intake."
"Sawet?" Rose chirped suddenly, lifting her head up from her mother's shoulder and searching for her sister's presence. "Soosie?"
"Yeah," Sara whispered with a peck over her head.
"Elaborate please?"
"Rose seems a little bit uninterested at times but Tegan forces her for the health…benefits. Only before sleep at night and when she wakes up, but Scarlet always demands it. She usually gives us a really hard time when she remembers her mother."
The doctor sat back in his chair and smiled at the smiling toddler. "And this is natural. They are different people with different personalities and you're going to notice these differences and their preferences more often now that they are getting older."
"Jemy," Rose said, pointing at the doctor. "Jemy?" She looked at her mother for confirmation.
Every man was called Jeremy. He was the man they were around the most and who they liked the most, so every man was a Jeremy.
"Ummm, that's a family friend. They like him." Sara smiled. "That means she likes you." The doctor did hand her a small purple toy she had been holding in her hand since before getting examined. Rose loved people's generosity unlike her sister who didn't understand it yet.
Scarlet moved around the living room with her favorite toy car in her hand. She crawled around the sprawled legs and giggled as the two women played with her. Ella met her at one end where she sat, facing her. Stacy was beside her. She grabbed a napkin and wiped the drooling on her chin.
"No Saysay, no," the toddler shouted, wiggling her body away from Stacy.
Stacy's heart melted at the call of her name. She giggled with her partner and immediately picked the fifteen-month old child high up in the air.
"Saysay," Scarlet chanted, wiggling her socked feet quickly while squealing.
Stacy put her down and showered her face with kisses. Emy and Ella watched with a smile. The toddler put her head on the older woman's chest and wrapped her small arms around her.
"She's so cute," Ella said. Her small hand flew up to Scarlet's full cheeks, ready to pinch.
"No, no," Stacy whispered and removed the hand gently. "She's a baby."
"But she has cute cheeks." Stacy understood that Ella was jealous but she was spoiling Scarlet on purpose so that her daughter would get used to this and would control her emotions. She didn't want to have a jealous kid.
"Yeah, I know, but she's a little baby. She'd think you're trying to hurt her." Scarlet looked up at Stacy and smiled. She had two front teeth only. Rose did, too. "Hi," Stacy said.
"Hi," Scarlet chirped.
"Say hi to Ella."
"Eya," Scarlet said and looked back at the other child right away. "Emy," she said and looked behind her at the seated woman.
"Yes, that's me," Emy said jovially. Emy was proud she was the only name the twins pronounced quickly.
"Nan," Scarlet said. "Nan?" She searched everywhere for her mother. Her eyes roamed the living room.
"She'll be right back."
"Woosie?" She called. "Mommy," she sang.
"They will be right back," whispered Stacy, kissing her forehead.
"Boobie," Scarlet screeched excitingly, taking a hold of the woman's covered chest. "Boobie," she said again and clapped her hands, adjusting her seating position the way her mother does for her when she's about to nurse.
"Oh, man," Emy said with laughter and Ella giggled, too.
"No, I can't give you boobie," Stacy said, putting her down again. "Yeah, that's enough baby time, I guess."
"It just fascinates me how interested in everyone's breasts she is. She'll literally see a random woman on the street and scream for her boobs."
"Yeah, watch her become a lesbian," Stacy said, laughing.
"Stacy," Emy said with a head shake. "You and Sara keep joking about this but it's really just…weird."
Stacy's hand was behind Scarlet's back aiding her with support as the toddler helped herself stand up and touch the couch for leverage. "It's just a joke. There's no harm. You and Tegan are over sensitive."
Scarlet pushed Stacy's hand away and gave her car to Ella. "Pwetty?" Scarlet said the word she had recently learned from Tegan.
"Yes, it's pretty," Ella said with a hearty smile. She put the car on the couch and pushed it, making sounds of horns. Scarlet giggled.
She looked behind her, not touching the couch no more. Her eyes fell on her bottle on the coffee table and her feet decided to move as slowly as ever towards it, making both Emy and Stacy gasp. She looked up at them and continued her journey without a care. Emy grabbed her phone quickly to film and Stacy just couldn't help not to squeal and cheer.
"Good job, Soosie," Stacy said with a small clap when Ella reached the bottle. "Amazing job." Stacy opened up her arms for the baby to walk over to her. "Come here, come to Stacy."
Scarlet fell on her butt and pushed the bottle in her mouth, giving up on walking and rejecting Stacy's opened arms.
Emy pulled her up closer and put her head on her lap so that she could drink her milk and nap.
…
Tegan huffed immediately the moment she got into the car. Sara looked at her as she unbuttoned her coat and let out another loud puff of air.
"I'm so sorry, love," Sara said. "Somebody…" She cut herself off, shifting her gaze to the back seat at where her smiling daughter sat. Tegan smiled the moment she looked at Rose. "…enjoyed her milk way too much that we had to make a sudden stop to change the poopy diaper." Tegan tsked jokingly.
"Naughty, Rosie," she said. "I missed you, baby."
"Boobie," Rose said, moving her fist towards Tegan's torso.
"Oh, now you seem interested?" Sara asked. "I was just telling the doctor…" She paused, her eyes meeting Tegan's chest. "That's why." She chuckled heartily, reaching both hands to button what Tegan had missed.
"Shit, did I just leave with these unbuttoned?" Sara nodded with laughter, her hands working on the dark blue buttons.
"How was it?"
"Shit," Tegan said. Sara furrowed her brow alarmingly. "No, I mean the whole thing. I honestly don't know how you do it like every month. I'm good, though."
It's the only action I get, she was going to say. She really was…but she decided against it. Being passive aggressive was not going to work with Tegan. Nothing worked with Tegan. Begging for sex never worked and it made her seem petty. And when she didn't want it, somehow her wife wanted it. It was just tiring…everything…so she let it go.
"I guess I got used to it," she said instead.
"Thank you," Tegan said, looking down at her buttoned-up shirt. "How's Rosie?"
"She's perfectly fine." Sara looked in the rearview mirror to check on her zoned-out daughter. "Walking situation is more than normal."
"Scarlet walked," Tegan exclaimed. "I forgot to tell you, but she did. Emy sent me a video. Look…" Tegan grabbed her phone in a rush.
"What?"
"Wait." She touched the phone with her shaky thumbs while Sara's face grew red in anticipation, pushing her face closer to her wife's so she could see the screen. "Look." Tegan played the video and squealed the moment she saw her daughter's slow steps towards the coffee table. "She's so cute. I wanna hug her."
"Fuck, I can't believe we missed it."
"I knoooow," shot Tegan.
"Nooooo," imitated Rose in the back.
Tegan sighed and looked back. "I hope you start walking soon, Rosie."
"No rush," Sara said softly, beginning to drive. "He said it's totally normal for twins to be late and it's more normal for her." She could see Tegan nodding from the corner of her eyes. She wanted Rose to walk, too. She hoped soon enough. Not for anything…she just didn't want her to feel left out. She always felt a closer attachment to Rose. It was never like that before the heart condition. It was Scarlet who was supposed to be the weaker and more sensitive one. And while, yes, Scarlet was more sensitive, attached, needy, but she was also sneaky and could get what she wanted. Rose was kind-hearted, calm, always smiley, but weak. She was weaker than her sister. A little bit thinner. A little bit shorter. And generally weaker. So she wanted her to walk soon and not feel left behind or that she wasn't enough. She didn't know if toddlers felt that way, but she had suffered feeling that way since she could remember. Maybe it was always going to be that way. One sister would beat the other in something and the other would stand in her shadow. Rose did crawl first, after all. She just didn't want Rose to stay forever in the shadow of Scarlet because the latter's personality was always sharp, poignant, calling for people's attention without a single try. Scarlet was also her own reflection of herself and maybe that's why she felt bothered by her sometimes. Can someone be bothered by their own kid? No, she didn't want to think that way. Scarlet was lovely and so was Rose.
…
Scarlet stood up the moment her parents entered the door. She squealed too loudly and without realization walked up to them. Tegan started jumping happily, opening her arms widely for her toddler to take and hold. Sara couldn't do such because Rose was in her arms, but Rose was happy, laughing her heart out at her sister.
"I'm so proud of you, stinky head. I'm so proud." Scarlet smelled awful, but her mother showered her with kisses nonetheless. Sara was staring with a big smile, rocking Rose who whined and moved her arm, demanding to be involved in the embrace next to her.
"She just had her bottle and…yeah…I really didn't want to change for her again," Emy said.
"Same here. She shits a lot," Stacy added, cleaning the crumbs on the coffee table.
Sara put Rose down on the carpet and Scarlet was also put down next to her. "Say hello to your sister," Tegan demanded. It was a new thing she was doing. She said she had seen it on the web: the sisters should be taught to greet and hug one another to overcome their jealousy and entitlement and, also, develop a stronger bond.
Scarlet stood on her knees and moved towards her sister. "Wosie," she sang sweetly, opening up her arms as her arms for her sister to join the hug.
Rose yielded immediately, embracing her sister and attempting to kiss her cheek. Tegan stared at everyone triumphantly.
"Good job, babies," Sara said, picking up Scarlet right away. "Now let's change for you because I'm getting dizzy."
"Her stuff is in Ella's bedroom," Stacy remarked and Sara walked away. Tegan sat down on the couch with a big sigh, letting her daughter crawl up to her feet.
Sara put her kid on the changing mat first. She kissed her nose and when Scarlet giggled, she tickled her a little bit, beginning to remove her jeans. It was so cute and tiny because her kids were not very big. Twins were usually smaller in size compared to other kids, their pediatrician told Sara.
Her phone began ringing when she, with a nose wrinkled in disgust, was wiping for her daughter. She took a look at the screen and it was Jack. She reached her left hand and put the phone to her ear. "Yes, Jack?"
"Can you pass by very early in the morning to sign the announcement before you…"
"No, I can't," she cut him off frustratingly, letting go of Scarlet. "I fucking told them I can't and it's my fucking break which I fucking deserve."
"Fuckin," she heard her daughter say. She looked back to find the toddler already climbing out of the mattress, butt-naked and barefoot.
"Scarlet, no," Sara said. "Look, Jack, my flight is at nine which means I have to be…Scarlet, come back," she yelled when she saw her daughter casually walking away and out of the room. "She just started walking like an hour ago and she's already…Oh, my God," she said frustratingly. "Look, you do it for me. Sign in my place since you're taking my place while I'm gone. I gotta chase that demon."
"O…kay," he said. "See you."
She closed the phone without a bye and ran out of the room.
"Why is she fucking naked?" Tegan yelled. She didn't even bother getting out of the couch.
"Because Jack called and work needed…ugh…Scarlet," Sara yelled. Scarlet looked back at her with a frown. Sara walked up to her but paused when she realized what her daughter was doing. "Oh, God."
"What…" Stacy gasped when she saw it.
"I'm so sorry," Sara said apologetically.
"Did she pee?" Tegan asked, sitting up. "For fuck's sake." She huffed irritatingly.
"Why did you do this?" Sara screamed in her daughter's face. "This is wrong." Her voice was loud. Even Ella's brows were wrinkled. The baby began crying immediately, pushing her mother away as she picked her up.
"Sara, what's wrong with you? She's just a baby."
"She misbehaved and she should be…"
"Not yelled at like that," Stacy interrupted. "So what she peed herself? Ella has pissed on your bed countless of times. I'll just clean it. Just chill."
"Just give her to me," Tegan said, snatching the toddler from her other mother. "You need to calm down," she whispered before walking out to the room with screeching Scarlet in her arms.
They had dinner at Stacy's and Sara made it up to her daughter by kissing and hugging her. She put both girls on her lap and let them play with the buttons of her shirt while she fed them even though Tegan didn't think they were supposed to have another meal that night. Stacy talked about how sad she was that Emy was leaving for the summer to see her parents. She couldn't leave because she had work and Ella's father was seeing his kid every weekend for the past few months. Looking back, she would have thought that was the worst thing ever, but seeing how he had changed, how Ella loved being with him, how much joy it brought both of them, and how it started to play a big role in Ella's life, she was very thankful.
When they arrived home, Sara immediately went upstairs to get to the bathroom. While zoning out on the toilet, the door opened slowly. She thought it would be Tegan at first, but then the door was pushed open the moment Scarlet was able to turn the knob. She walked in as slowly as her feet could take her, taking advantage of her new found discovery. Following, was Rose on hands and knees, making Sara open up her eyes wide at the intruders.
"Mommy needs some privacy, girls."
"Mommy," Scarlet said and walked up to her, lifting her hand up.
"Where's Tegan?" She refused to pick her up. "Tegan?"
"Yeah?" Tegan asked while coming in. She was in her bra and underwear. Sara sighed. "I gotta shower." She began taking off the rest of her garments
"They just came in like that?" Sara said, taking a handful of toilet paper in her hand. "Like…privacy?"
Tegan laughed a little and pulled her underwear down. "What privacy? As if you know it yourself." She caught her wife staring at her nude body. The action brought half a forgotten smirk upon her face. "Dr. Anderson said that I should stick to granny panties because the lace ones and, like, even the thongs and all are one of the reasons I keep having yeast infections."
"Oh, yeah, totally." Sara had stood up, beginning to raise her underwear and pants up. She headed to the basin to wash her hand when Tegan closed the shower's door.
She was drying her hands with a towel when she noticed, through the mirror, her daughter's hand inside the toilet, making her shriek immediately, "Scarlet, no."
Tegan stopped the water from running and opened the door. "What's wro…fuck, oh my God, get her off…"
It was too late because Scarlet's hand was already in her mouth. Making both mothers squirm in disgust. Sara picked her up immediately and closed the toilet seat so Rose wouldn't attempt what she had done.
"That's wrong, Scarlet," she scolded the already crying baby, picking her up towards the basin to wash her hands and mouth. "Yeah, cry about how I didn't let you drink dirty piss water."
"But, you flushed, didn't you?" Tegan asked with a horrified look on her innocent features. She and her wife were staring at each other through the mirror.
"Yeah, duh. It's still disgusting toilet water." Sara shook her head again at her daughter. "I can't believe you just started walking today and you're already teaching us a lesson about parenthood."
That time it took them awhile to get Scarlet to calm down again. Rose was too annoyed by her sister's cries she kept hitting her which made Sara's lungs work overtime, yelling at the two of them. Tegan just watched in utter defeat and frustration.
A few minutes after, the twins ganged up on their mother, moving their tiny hands against her face.
"Stop hitting mommy," Tegan would say every other minute while laughing at whatever she was reading on her phone as the couple lay down in bed.
Sara seemed unbothered with them pulling her hair, straddling her, slapping her face, and, eventually both sleeping on her chest, calling for their last meal of the day.
"You should feed them," she said when Scarlet kept trying to remove her large t-shirt.
"Yeah," Tegan whispered. She sighed, pulling her head back. "I wish we both breastfed so that once I'm tired, you'd just help me out."
"Yeah, that would have helped." She removed Scarlet away gently, handing her to Tegan who was already sitting up and unbuttoning her pajama shirt. Sara switched the lights off and opened the lamp on her bedside table. She handed Rose once she made sure Scarlet had latched. Tegan took her gently and the toddler helped herself out. Rose continued holding Sara's finger, pulling her towards her.
"Baby, let go." When Sara attempted freeing herself from her daughter, Rose objected with a moan.
"She's so attached to you," Tegan whispered. Sara was barely an inch away from her, captivated by Rose's grip.
"Makes up for Scarlet hating me."
"She doesn't hate you." Tegan's minty breath hit Sara's nostrils, drawing her closer to her wife, creating a kiss so quick and abrupt. Tegan stopped it as soon as it happened. "No, baby…not while I have both of my nipples in their mouths." Sara giggled a little, making Rose look up and pull her even closer.
"Ouch," Sara said, a little bit too loudly.
"Shhh." Both of them looked down. Scarlet was dozing off. "Rosie, sleep like your sis, baby." Rose had her eyes wide opened as she nursed and stared at her mother.
"How does it feel?" Sara asked.
"Breastfeeding?" She nodded. "Oh, come on, you tried it before…I mean…remember when you wanted Scarlet to shut up and you made her latch on to you?"
"Yeah, that was for a second and she screeched when she realized I don't have what she needs." Sara shrugged.
"Well, it's super annoying," Tegan said. "But I gotta keep doing it for them." Sara didn't understand why. They were old enough to consume foods. It just didn't look right anymore. "I know, I know…I look like shit having both of them attached to me like that when they're this big, but…" She sighed. "I like it." She shrugged again and Sara knew for a fact she was blushing.
"Never thought you'd ever be this mum…you've always hated it." Tegan nodded. "Asleep?"
"Scarlet is."
"Let me take her to…" Sara couldn't move because her other daughter didn't let her. "Oh, come on, Rosie, let me take your sister to her bed."
"This is the first time Scar sleeps first," mumbled Tegan.
It took Rose seven more minutes until her grip relaxed, letting go of her mother, and her eyes closed, dozing of gently. Sara picked Scarlet first and then came back for her. She left their door partially opened and walked back to bed.
"Tegan?" she whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Can we…," she hesitated, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"Yeah?"
"You know?"
"Oh…" Silence…dark and gloomy. "Now?"
"I mean…that's when people usually do it in case you've forgotten."
Tegan chuckled. "No, I mean, we have to be up in the morning and I'm kinda tired."
"Yeah," Sara said. "You're right."
"Are you sure?" Tegan asked. She never asked.
"Yes," Sara affirmed and closed her eyes. "I just thought since we would be there for a whole month, we might…"
"I can..."
"No, no," Sara interrupted. "I'm tired, too," she lied. She was sick of trying.
The alarm woke them up in at 5:30 in the morning. Sara showered while Tegan talked to her parents, arranging who would pick them up from the airport. Ted was the last candidate. The babies were forced awake by Tegan. She hated doing that. It made her want to cry. She hated how emotional everything made her. She was always a little bit more sensitive, but lately it had been getting way too much, especially when it had to do with her kids. She showered the two of them with kisses before changing their diapers. While she handled Rose, Scarlet stood beside her, holding her legs tightly.
She sat in her rocking chair and breastfed them as she's used to each morning while Sara prepared the rest of their breakfast in the kitchen. The suitcases were already down and ready to be picked up by Jeremy who was driving them to the airport since Stacy couldn't last minute due to an emergency at the hospital.
A quick breakfast was devoured before their friend knocked on the door, making them ready to leave. Sara left a couple of instructions for him to check on the house every week the way she had done with Stacy. Two people were better than one. They had security cameras but she needed someone to water her garden and make sure the house was well.
Tegan closed her eyes on the plane and tried to relax before the twins woke up and got fussy. Each was asleep in her own seat and the fear of them giving the passengers a hard time was eating her up. Sara was watching an episode after another of a boring 80s sitcom Tegan did not care enough to memorize its title. Her feet hurt even though she hadn't walked a bit that day. Sitting for long hours also gave her back a hard time.
When their meals came, each took a kid to feed in order to feed herself. Scarlet blabbered a little while Rose played with Sara's shirt buttons.
"Sara?"
"Yes?"
"I don't want…" She hesitated a little bit but right away lifted her head up and looked in her wife's eyes. "I don't want my family to know I still breastfeed."
Sara blinked once before raising her eyebrows. "You mean that…"
"I told mom that I fully weaned them last month," Tegan admitted. "Please don't let her know. She'll judge. I'll be made fun of." Sara shook her head. "Please, Sara."
"God, Tegan," she said with a deep sigh. "I don't know why you're doing this to yourself."
"What am I doing to myself?"
"Hurting yourself."
"Don't make me cry," Tegan begged with a choked up voice. "We're on a plane."
"I don't want to make you cry." She thought a little bit and Tegan continued staring at her. "Don't you think it's time you start weaning them?"
"No," Tegan said. "I don't want to."
"You're going to have to pump and all…how…"
"In the bathroom," Tegan interrupted. "My room."
"The one without a lock where everyone can come in?" Sara chuckled.
"I asked for a lock."
Okay, Sara answered in her head and rested her back against her seat. Tegan kept inspecting her face with teary eyes, and she looked at her for a few seconds before each one of them averted her gaze and continued busying herself with something else.
Ted picked them up from the airport. Scarlet and Rose kept chanting Jeremy's name in the car as Ted spoke to his sister.
"Jemy," Scarlet repeated for what seemed the tenth time.
"Jemy," Rose imitated. They giggled and repeated. Ted was amused. He laughed as he drove down the empty street.
"They can't comprehend you're my brother. I tried to explain it," Tegan said. "Girls, he's my brother." She said, looking back at them as they sat next to their mother. Scarlet was in Ted's newborn's car seat so she wouldn't move and Rose was on Sara's lap.
"And his name is Ted," Sara said gently. "Say Ted."
"Ted," both said in sync.
"Good job."
"Jemy," Scarlet said again. She waved and repeated.
"Yes," Ted said with a giggle, shaking his head. Scarlet giggled and looked at her mother who was still looking back at her. She moved her fist and whined.
"Up, up," she called.
"No, no, no," Tegan said. "We're getting home in a bit. Stay there with mommy and Rosie."
"Mommy?" She looked at Sara and smiled mischievously. "Up, up."
"No, no," Sara whispered and kissed her forehead.
"Ted has a baby in there. You're gonna love him."
"Baby," Rose said, looking beside her. They had spotted babies on TV or in the park when Tegan decided to push them in the stroller and sit there having her morning coffee after her wife had gone to work, but they had never interacted with any baby before. Tegan knew they would love seeing a real baby around them. Toddlers loved babies; she had read those blogs she posted her secretive weekly pieces of writing on.
"Yes and his name is Taylor and he cries and poops a lot," Ted said. Sara laughed a little.
"Sift" Scarlet said.
"No, not Taylor Swift," Tegan answered with loud laughter. "This girl heard me say Taylor Swift one time and now every Taylor has to come with a…"
"Sift," Scarlet filled in for her mother.
"See?"
"You literally say Taylor Swift five times a day," Sara said.
"No, I don't," Tegan objected. "I said it like twice last week or something."
Sara didn't respond. Ted was in his parents' garage already. Sara's need to get out of the car and freshen up increased with each moment of anticipation. She couldn't tolerate sitting any longer and she knew Rose was getting restless and tired, too. The problem was that the family expected them to have dinner and there was a baby in the house. Tanya had just given birth a month prior to their visit. Her head ached. She wanted water.
"Come on," Tegan said to her, opening her door. She handed Rose to Tegan and began unbuckling the straps of the car seat. Scarlet was too ready to move, pushing her mother's hand away and helping herself up. When she realized she couldn't stand in the car, she put her hand up.
Sara shook her head and picked her up, adjusting her hat to protect her face from the heat.
"I'll help with the suitcases. Get inside; it's hot in here." Tegan nodded and Sara followed, her brows furrowed at the sun. She took a look at her baby's red face and kissed her cheek. Scarlet turned her face away with a whine. Her kids didn't tolerate the heat…and she didn't, too.
Sonia's warm greeting was suffocating and it made both babies cry. Their mother wanted to cry, too. Stephen was happy as always but at least he kept his distance from Sara. Tegan was the one who neglected her baby with her mother and hugged her father for what seemed to be forever. Rose continued pointing at Sara who was holding a frightened Scarlet.
Inside, Tanya was on one of the couches with her baby in her hands. Scarlet's eyes sparkled and dilated in eagerness. She pointed at the baby and pushed herself down.
"Baby," she said. "Baby," she chanted again.
"Okay, okay," Sara said, putting her down immediately. Scarlet remained standing and all eyes were on her.
"Baby," she said and squealed, walking like a little penguin towards her cousin.
"You didn't tell me they're walking," Sonia pointed out with her phone recording in her hand.
"Just Scar…yesterday. She just took her first step and peed herself in Stacy's apartment."
"Tegan, I'm recording," her mother whispered.
"Oops."
Sara grabbed fussy Rose who was then with Stephen and sat down on the couch next to her sister in law. She smiled at Tanya and down at the baby, making sure both her girls could see him. Scarlet walked up to her and put her head on her lap.
"They're sleepy," Tegan pointed out. "They should nap."
"Baby," Rose finally said.
"Baby," Scarlet joined.
"Yes, you like the baby?" Tegan asked, kneeling down in front of Scarlet. Her face was knee-level with Sara. Sara looked down at her with a smile and she smiled back. "Wanna take a nap?" she asked both girls.
"Boobie," Scarlet said, putting her hand up. Sara's eyes widened and Tegan's face reddened immediately. "Boobie." Scarlet rubbed her eyes and repeated.
Rose yawned and buried her face in her mother's chest.
"They're really sleepy."
"I said the magical word in front of them. They know what I mean by nap time." Tegan stood up and so did Sara. "We'll get them to bed and wash up a bit."
"It's fine. Take your time. You're probably tired."
"Call us when dinner's ready," Tegan said but Sara wanted to groan loudly.
Couldn't they just have dinner when they wanted? She wanted to sleep badly. Her limbs felt like jelly and her head shun a war against her. She freed her bladder in the bathroom and washed up. She thought of a quick shower but was too tired to carry her body to the bathtub. Plus, she had no clothes and the bathroom's door had no lock. She walked in the small familiar corridor towards Tegan's room. She opened the door slightly, startling her wife who was lying on her side with one of her kids feeding from her. That was the first time Tegan breastfed that way. She always preferred to sit up with them on her lap or in her arms. But there she was lying on her side, phone in hand, and kid nursing calmly. Maybe that's why she jumped. She was hiding from her mother. Probably.
"Where's the other one?" Sara didn't mention a name because she truly couldn't tell who was nursing though all previous evidence suggested Scarlet.
"Literally the moment I put Rose on the changing table, she closed her eyes. Poor baby was so tired. Mom put two small cribs in Ted's room, by the way." Sara nodded. "Can you lock the door?"
Sara did so immediately. "Bathroom's door still doesn't have a lock."
"Nobody's gonna walk in on you in there. They have their own bathrooms. It's this room that I'm suspicious about. My mom doesn't know how to knock."
Sara yawned loudly, making Tegan throw an annoyed "ugh" at the sound.
"I'm sleepy," Sara whispered, walking up to the mattress. She looked down at her wife nursing and rubbed her eyes, yawning one more time. Tegan rolled her eyes. "I just don't understand how one just doesn't care about your boobs and the other is obsessed."
"The way one walks and the other doesn't," Tegan answered quickly, eyes squinting at her phone. "Also," she said, yawning back when Sara did so the third time, "stop yawning. It's contagious."
"I can't," Sara said.
"Anyway, I think it's because Rose suckles very quickly. Like she takes a full meal and does it adequately, but this one just barely does and she's always distracted or pauses…that's why she's always hungry and doesn't get a full meal like her sister."
"Really?" Tegan nodded. "You've never told me this."
"Yeah." Tegan paused, looking down at her daughter, before she continued with a soft whisper, "I noticed it when I started tandem feeding again. I'd forgotten about it."
Sara hummed. She pulled her face closer to the bond between Tegan and Scarlet. She watched Scarlet's mouth move slowly and lazily. "Oh, yeah," she whispered, but Scarlet was alerted immediately. She looked back at her mother; lips still attached to her other mother.
Scarlet groaned and pushed Sara away, waving goodbye to her.
"She wants you to leave her alone," Tegan translated.
What Scarlet really wanted, Sara guessed, was to stay closer to Tegan. She probably thought Sara was about to pick her up and take her to the other bedroom. Sara stood up and began discarding her clothes.
In light pink satin and lacy thong and a matching bra, she walked around the room. She put her clothes on the chair and her shoes under it. She unzipped the suitcase slowly, earning looks from her wife, and began fishing out bed attire.
Fresh clothes for her wife and one of the flimsy pajama shirts she had brought along were taken out first. She searched for short shorts for Tegan, too, before deciding on what to wear in that monstrous heat. Taking hers and Tegan toiletry bags out, she finally settled on a blue tank-top.
And that's it. She couldn't get her body to bear any more layers.
Tegan watched her take off her bra and wear the tank top as she rocked Scarlet a bit and patted her back, waiting for her sleep to heave up now that she was done nursing.
"You know? Dr. Anderson told me that the reason we keep getting yeast infections is because we wear this type of underwear." She gestured at Sara's nether region. "They mess with the PH levels big time."
"You told me yesterday and you're right," Sara said. "I've read about that and somehow have forgotten about it." She bent down to search for different underwear.
"Really, just give me your ass in my face now." Turning to her side, Sara gave her a smirk and did not bother changing her position. Yes, maybe she was doing that on purpose, trying to look hot. That's why she was wearing this type of underwear anyway. She wanted to feel wanted…even if it was as terrible as that time Tegan made of her body a sex discovery toy.
She settled on thin light blue cotton panties and changed her undergarment right before Tegan's eyes. Tegan remained unfazed by the gesture, making Sara's gut sting for a second before deciding not to care. She switched on the AC and fell face flat on the mattress.
Seconds later, Sara's soft snores came from beside Tegan. She stood up and put her kid down. Both mother and daughter slept on their side with one knee up and the other down. Both had similar red cheeks and both pouted when asleep. Tegan couldn't help but snap a picture at the close resemblance and peaceful quietude. She sent it to Stacy and the women responded in less than a second.
"Adam's sperm really said copy paste his cousin, huh?"
Tegan laughed a little before responding, "Yessss!"
"Cover her please, she'll get cold and start throwing up all over the place."
Sara had never done that. It was her who usually did so. She covered her anyway. She picked up her daughter and left the room in order to put her in her crib. She checked on sleeping Rose then headed to the bathroom to shower and relax.
She didn't want to sleep. She wanted badly to spend time with her family so she put on her pajama shorts and a t-shirt then headed downstairs.
Her father patted the space next to him on the grey sofa and she threw her body where his hand was. He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her half an embrace. She put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, missing being her father's favorite and spoiled child.
"I downloaded the new FIFA and we're going to play whenever I'm home," her father said half enthusiastically. She chuckled and lifted her head up when her mother showed up with Ted and his wife following.
"I don't know if my kids will let me play in peace but we'll try."
"Play what?" Sonia said.
"PS4," both Tegan and Stephen answered simultaneously. Tegan spotted the bothered reaction on Tanya's face. She laughed to herself remembering how Sara hated her playing video games, too.
"Okay, umm, we wanna discuss something," Sonia said, changing the subject, eyes on her husband in a knowing glance Tegan could interpret well.
"Mhm?"
"The surgery," her father broke the five seconds of silence that followed Tegan's hum.
"What…surgery?" Despite knowing, she asked. Her heart drummed quickly.
"Your heart?" Sonia said, using a tone louder than her father's.
Tegan nodded and looked down at her feet to think of an answer.
"You should start…"
"I'm thinking about it but I don't want to have it during this trip," she said quickly and immediately, cutting off her father's speech.
"Why not?" Sonia said, voice loud and hurt.
"I want to enjoy the only vacation I've had since ever," she answered with a soft octave unlike her mother's. "I'm not pregnant, nobody's sick, I'm with my family and my parents and it's summer…I just don't want to spend it in the hospital."
"Tegan, I worry." Sighed her father.
"I did have tests a couple of days ago, dad," she said. "I can show you the results. Nothing's going on."
Sonia rolled her eyes. They were teary the way she exaggerated everything.
"I also want to be near my kids. I want to be close to them and be there for them. I don't want to be the crippled mother that I am. Plus, dad, I can come to the clinic with you and you can examine me yourself to make sure. I just please don't want to have it now."
"And what about her?" Sonia said with apparent anger despite attempting to sound casual and neutral. "She's here and she has no work and we're here, too. We can all help with the babies."
What about her? Tegan wanted to laugh. She wasn't going to tell her mother or anyone in the room about her and her lack of basic knowledge regarding taking care of a child. Sara was nothing the Sara that acted like a mother around Ella. Guess she could only bear it for a few minutes and once full of it she would give up, and who could blame her? The kids were attached to Tegan. Even Rose who loved Sara so much forgot about her the second Tegan's bosom was available for her to snuggle.
Her eyes widened when she felt her breasts oozing milk. She looked down at her t-shirt, thanking God it was too wide and full of illustrations for everyone to notice.
"Mom, I don't want to," Tegan answered calmly. "I know the needs of my kids more than anyone…even more than her," she whispered.
Everyone watched the raised brow on Sonia's face, but Ted interrupted whatever that might come out of her mouth, "Tee, don't be upset, but those kids look nothing like you," he said bluntly the way he goes about everything.
"I know." Tegan shrugged. "They're pretty, though."
"They look exactly like her," Ted said. "How?"
Tegan's mouth hung open when she saw the addressed woman standing in front of them in black sweatpants and a large grey t-shirt. "Umm, hi, I thought…"
"Hey," she said with her usual mellow octave, nodding at everyone who greeted her. She walked over to where her wife sat and took a place beside her.
She looked over at Ted's bashful red face and said, "I suppose they look like me because my cousin, the donor, looks exactly like me."
"Yeah, I didn't mean anything…"
"Furthermore, my father and uncle are twins which is a little bit more sensible that my cousin and I look like ones and my kids look like me."
Oh, what have you gotten yourself into, Tegan thought with a smirk larger than life.
"What was that about?" Ted asked in the kitchen after dinner. "Furthermore?" Tegan laughed and Sonia shrugged. "Who says that in spoken English?"
"My wife when she gets defensive," Tegan said while grazing the rim of her wine glass with her index. "You should see how she spoke to me when we were still…"
"Illegally seeing each other," he finished for her.
"Well, it's not illegal. I was nineteen. It just disagrees with university protocol."
Sonia dried her hand with a towel and watched the interaction. Her two kids had been talking none stop right next to her for the past half an hour and as much as she loved that as much as she wanted them to shut up. With babies in the house and already hyper children, she couldn't do it. She got too used to the quiet it almost felt strange.
"Let's get to the living room," she finally said, pushing both her son and daughter out of the kitchen, onto the hallway, and into the air-conditioned living room where the twins stood up right next to Tanya holding her baby and Sara chatted with her father in law.
"Sara, we cleaned and filled the pool for you," Sonia said. "I know you like to swim."
"Yeah, thank you, I'm planning to teach Rosie and Scar, too."
Upon hearing their names, the twins averted their gazes and looked at their mother. They turned around again and found their other mother standing close by. Scarlet squealed excitingly and clapped her hand, taking her bunny-like steps towards her mother.
"Nan-nan, nan-nan, nan-nan," she chanted wrapping her arms around her mother's leg.
"The way they call you that," Ted said. "It's adorable."
"Right?" Tegan knelt down to reach her daughter's level and squatted with her glass of alcohol in her hand. "What's in there?" she asked sweetly, pointing at the baby in Tanya's arm.
"Baby," both Scarlet and Rose said together.
"Good job, Rosie. Good job, Soosie." She kissed Scarlet's forehead. "Wanna help Rosie walk, too?"
Scarlet didn't understand the question. She said incoherent words and then repeated the word "baby" twice before walking away toward her sister.
"That's literally the cutest thing I've ever seen," Ted pointed out. "I can't wait till my son is this cute."
"Yeah, he won't," Tegan said. "Only my kids are cute." Sara raised an eyebrow at the beginning of a sibling rivalry.
"And why the fuck?" Ted asked, taking the matter too seriously.
"Because you have an ugly face and an uglier personality, that's fucking…"
"Kids," Stephen shouted before the arm wrestling could begin. "Grow up."
"We're just joking," Tegan said. She laughed a little.
Both her kids looked at their grandfather in horror. Both began crying immediately. Following their cries, the infant cried, too. Sonia glared at her husband whose loud voice had scared the children in the house.
Scarlet ran towards Tegan and Rose crawled behind her. Sara stood up to pick the crawling child. The mothers said goodnight and climbed upstairs, trying to make their kids stop their cries.
Sara put both of them on the mattress in front of her and Tegan. "They've never heard a man scream."
"Yeah, but we yell a lot," Tegan said.
"Have you heard your father's voice?"
"I'm used to it. Ted and I used to fight a lot and he has to shout to break our fights. We used to physically beat each other up." Sara shook her head. "It's a sibling thing."
"Got it." Sara yawned. "Shhh…that's your grandpa. He's a man and he has a man's voice. That's why we hate men."
"Sara," Tegan said.
"What?"
"Don't teach them to hate men."
"I'm joking. They don't understand." Scarlet flipped on her stomach and sat up. "Right, Scar?" She was wiping her eyes with her fist. "What do you think, Rosie?" Rose was staring at her sister while still lying down.
"Boobie," Scarlet said, moving her fist towards Tegan.
"Of course," Sara said sarcastically. "I dream of them, too."
"I had a drink so nope for you two," Tegan said. "You'll live with the milk I pumped."
"What about me?" Sara attempted joking.
"You're a disgusting pervert." She stood up. Rose's whimper and Sara's defeated sigh mingled together and rang in her ears as she walked out of the room and into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and wondered why she hated Sara so much.