Though the two worked side by side, the kitchen had been quiet as Elizabeth and Ally had cleaned up after supper. Though he had spent the entire Saturday with his family, Nathan had gone out to his shop after dinner to do some work. Knowing that Nathan was only several hundred feet away made him working late a lot easier to take. If she wanted to check on him, Elizabeth knew that she could simply take a walk and knock on the wood shop's door.
A glance into the livingroom showed Elizabeth that Jack was happily building things with his logs. Often when asked what he was building, Jack would follow what he was building with the words, 'for Mama like Daddy built her the school'. Having noticed Lucas get annoyed by the comment on several occasions, Elizabeth had stopped asking. She had asked Lee and Rosemary not to ask Jack either. As Bill would only visit when Lucas was nowhere to be seen, Elizabeth had not mentioned it to the judge. The first time Nathan had asked that question when they had moved in together, Elizabeth had held her breath. Would the mention of Jack Sr. annoy Nathan as well?
It hadn't. Instead Nathan had told Jack, "your daddy left a lovely legacy behind when he built your Mama that school." That response had of course, led Jack to ask what a legacy was. Nathan had invited Jack to sit with him on the settee while he had explained the word to the little boy. From the chair she had been sitting in reading, Elizabeth had watched the exchange feeling guilty. This was the kind of bonding her son should have had with the man in her life all along. The fact that Lucas had not engaged with Jack in this manner should have been a red flag all along.
"I think that plate is clean, Beth."
"What?" Elizabeth asked, Ally's words cutting through her thoughts. She looked at the girl who had been drying the dishes. Ally nodded to the plate Elizabeth held in her hands.
"You have been cleaning the plate for a couple minutes now," Ally commented as Elizabeth looked down at it. "Are you all right?"
Elizabeth felt the heat rising in her cheeks as she rinsed the plate quickly and handed it to Ally. "I am fine. Just reflecting on past mistakes," she replied, hoping the simple version of the truth would be enough for Ally. She did not want to bring up the choice of Lucas over Nathan knowing that choice had hurt the girl as well. She had not realized then how personally Ally had taken that choice. In her own fear, she had not seen that Ally had taken the rejection of her father as a rejection of her as well.
"Dad says that reflecting on past mistakes we cannot change after learning a lesson from them is a waste of time," Allie commented.
Rinsing the next plate she had picked up to clean, Elizabeth smiled. "Your Dad is a wise man, Ally."
"He is," Ally agreed, the pride for her father clear in her voice.
There was a pause. In the silence, Elizabeth looked over at Ally to see a troubled expression on her face. It was an expression Elizabeth had noticed several times since Ally had received her latest letter from Robert in yesterday's mail.
"Is everything all right, Ally?" Elizabeth asked, hoping to give the girl an opportunity to express her feelings without it feeling too demanding. She knew her relationship with Ally was still tenuous. She could feel that Ally was holding a piece of herself back from her. For now, Elizabeth knew it was best to allow that. To give Ally the time to sort through her feelings in her own time while showing the girl that she was present and was not going anywhere this time around.
Ally glanced around, assuring herself that there was no one else to overhear.
"Robert officially graduates from the Mountie Academy tomorrow," Ally commented.
Elizabeth nodded. That information she knew. The Wolfs were very proud and Richard and Mary had taken Sarah with them to Regina so that they could be there for the graduation ceremony.
"Well, Robert says he is coming to spend a few days in Hope Valley before going to his first assignment. I thought it would be nice to see him again, and in a way it will be, but he also said that he had something to tell me that he needed to do in person. I know that officially we weren't courting, giving the distance, but it still feels like Robert is going to break up with me. Dad warned me to watch my heart. He said that young men go through a lot of changes during the training - emotional as well as the physical. He warned that given that and the almost four-year difference between us that one or both of us could change how we felt about the other. Dad said he thought I was too young to set my heart for a particular guy when I had so much left to discover."
"I have to say that I agree with your father, though having been a teenage girl myself, I know that can be hard to do when a young man catches your eye," Elizabeth replied, handing Ally the glass that had just been rinsed. That glass was the last of the dinner dishes. "Now, I do not know what Robert wants to talk to you about, but just the fact that he wants to talk to you in person shows his good character. Be open to what he has to say. Consider that it may be good for the both of you in the long term even if it hurts right now. Also know that your Dad and I will be here no matter how it turns out."
Having dried the glass, Ally placed it in the cupboard. When she turned from the cupboard Elizabeth was surprised when the girl closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around her waist. The surprise turned to concern when she realized Ally was crying.
"Ally, what is it?" Elizabeth asked, wrapping the girl in a tight embrace.
"I have wanted a mother for so long, and now that I have one in my life, I am afraid to trust that it won't be taken away yet again."
The words shocked Elizabeth. Yes, Ally had forgiven her and they had come a long way since that first stiff conversation into town in search of flowers for this marriage of convenience, but this was the first Ally had indicated that she wanted to accept Elizabeth as a mother. It drove home to Elizabeth, just how much her actions had hurt Ally. The young girl had lost her birth mother to death, her hopes of a new mother had been crushed, and she had recently lost the grandmother who had been the only family other than her uncle for the longest time. No wonder Ally was having a hard time accepting their new family arrangement.
"I am not going anywhere, Ally," Elizabeth told the girl. "I intend to keep the vow that I made to your father, the day I married him. For better or worse, your father and you are my family and you can take as long as you need to convince yourself of that. There is no hurry."
Ally tilted her head to look up at Elizabeth. "Thank you, Beth," she said, tears having left wet trails down her cheek. The recent movements had also caused the pendant that Ally was wearing under her dress that day to become visible.
"That is pretty," Elizabeth commented, as Ally took a step back from her. She knew she had never seen the heart formed with garnets and the diamond in the center before.
Ally put her hand up to the pendant and flushed. "I know it is too fancy for every day but the last few days I have wanted to be reminded of the words Grandma told me when she gave it to me the night she passed, so I started wearing it under the dress," she admitted.
"Would you be willing to share those words with me?" Elizabeth asked gently.
Ally nodded as she glanced down at the pendant. "Grandpa gave her the necklace on their first anniversary. She said that the necklace reminded her of the love she shared with Grandpa in those early years and that I should remember that 'love will always shine through the heartache. We just have to be willing to see it'."
Elizabeth repeated those words silently. They spoke truth to her heart even though she would concede that she needed to work on the last part of that saying.
"That is a very wise reminder," Elizabeth said. "The fact that the necklace has special meaning to you Ally is the only reason you need to wear it," she added.
Ally gave her a genuine smile. If it wasn't for the tear stains on her face, one would not have known Ally had been crying such a short time ago.
"I am going to go work on my reading assignment for Monday. Then I don't need to worry about it tomorrow," Ally said.
"All right," Elizabeth replied. "Thank you for your help with the dishes."
"You're welcome," Ally replied before leaving the room.
Elizabeth watched the teenager leave, wondering if Ally would ever really be able to trust her again. Though her own childhood had been relatively sheltered, she was aware of the lasting affects the hurts of childhood could have. Nathan's own reaction to his father coming to Hope Valley had been only one of many examples she had seen. She felt like she had played a small part in the reconciliation. Now she needed to be a positive influence in her own reconciliation with Ally.
As Elizabeth sung "Oh Danny Boy" to Jack for the third time, she noticed that his eyes were beginning to droop. This was the third time he had come seeking her since he had originally been tucked into bed. Though he was once again out in his workshop, Nathan had come in for both Jack and Ally's bedtimes. If Jack had not been demanding her time, Elizabeth probably would have gone out and checked on him.
As the last note drifted away, Elizabeth was relieved to see Jack's eyes closed once again. She continued to rock for a few minutes in silence, wanting to be sure he was asleep. When his breathing remained even and his eyes closed after five minutes, Elizabeth got to her feet. Moving to his bed, she tucked the boy in and left the room.
Crossing the hallway, she was relieved to find that Nathan had come inside. Her husband had already changed into his nightshirt but sat at the foot of their bed. He was staring at something he held and as Elizabeth moved closer she realized it was the compass O'Reilly had presented to him at his retirement party.
"What is on your mind, Nathan?" Elizabeth asked softly as she sat down on the bed next to him.
Nathan did not look up from the compass as he let his thumb move across the etched surface of the words on the back of the compass. "I was just thinking about how different my life may have been if I had never joined the force," he told her quietly. "What would I have chosen to do with my life? Would I have found another career or would I have let the anger that being with the Mounties taught me to control, land me in trouble with the law? Perhaps I would have had a family much sooner but then I also probably never would have met Gabriel or come to Hope Valley."
"Now that would have been a shame," Elizabeth said, looping her arm through his and resting her head against his shoulder.
"Would it have?" Nathan countered. "If I had not been on that mission after the cattle rustlers then maybe Jack never would have gotten that assignment at Fort Clay. I thought about that as I listened to you signing to Jack junior a few minutes ago. That little boy might have grown up with his father."
Elizabeth lifted her head and looked at Nathan. He was still staring at the compass he held. Reaching up, she placed a hand on his cheek, applying gentle pressure to force him to look at her.
"Stop blaming yourself, Nathan," she told him. "Jack's death was not your fault. You did not assign him that mission, nor could your control an act of nature. Perhaps Jack was always destined for that assignment. Perhaps he wasn't but something else would have claimed his life and maybe little Jack would have ended up an orphan. Remember that you saved my life twice since coming to Hope Valley."
Nathan gave her a small smile. "I have the count at three," he told her.
"There was the saloon and the night you showed up when I finally hit rock bottom," Elizabeth said.
"There was also the windstorm," Nathan reminded her.
"That time is a matter of perspective," Elizabeth teased, a soft smile coming to her lips. "It was I who found Emily."
"I will give you that, but would you and Emily have moved from that spot by the tree if I hadn't come along."
"Probably not," Elizabeth conceded. "So three times and I am probably not the only one whose life you have saved. Now, I will not deny that I would give anything to have Jack back but now that I know you, I do not want to give you up either. If humans could go back in time, I have a feeling we would make more of a mess of things trying to fix things that were never meant to be fixed. I am grateful that you are here with now," she told him, before leaning in to press a kiss against his lips.
Though the initial moment of the kiss was stiff on Nathan's part, Elizabeth soon felt him relax into the gesture. She felt a hand come to rest on the small of her back, sending pinpricks of electricity through her. The hand that rested on Nathan's cheek moved higher, allowing her to run her fingers through his hair as their lips continued their own private tango.
When Elizabeth finally did pull back from the kiss for a breath of air, she did not go far. Her husband had his eyes closed as he remained still, his hand still on her back. Her eyes focused on Nathan's expression, which was void of the tension that had been there before. When he did open his eyes, there was a passion there that Elizabeth knew she would never get tired of seeing.
Nathan's mention of the windstorm reminded her of his words in her house shortly after. Words that she knew for certain meant so much more than what they had appeared to that day. He had not been able to use the word love that day, much like she was not currently able to voice it. There was something she could tell him though.
"You matter to me, Nathan Grant," Elizabeth told him softly as she held his gaze.
The words brought a smile to Nathan's face. His hand left her back and caressed her cheek softly. "You are getting there, Beth," he told her leaning in and kissing her forehead before he got to his feet.
Elizabeth felt a sensation of emptiness as he moved away. Part of her wanted to get to her feet and wrap her arms around Nathan. The words 'I love you' came to mind but would not quite reach her mouth. If she really loved him, how could she have put him through all that she had.
Nathan was standing at the dresser now. He had the top drawer open and was placing the compass into it. "I was thinking that perhaps I could pass that compass along to Jack some day, if it was all right with you," he said, his back toward her.
Elizabeth had gotten to her feet and felt surprise at the words. She knew that a memento like that was one someone would want to keep in the family. After all, it was a reflection of the years of service Nathan had given to this country and its citizens. U
The fact that Nathan was considering given the compass to Jack, solidified the fact that Nathan thought of Jack as his son.
Nathan had turned from the dresser and now crossed his arms across his stomach as if he didn't know what to do with them. "It was just a thought. If it upsets you, forget I even mentioned it."
"It didn't upset me," Elizabeth assured him moving closer. She held out her hands to him hoping he would take them. "It actually tells me how much you love Jack to consider a gift like that."
"I thought of him as my son even before I signed the adoption papers," Nathan told her taking her hands. "I think I started losing my heart to that little boy the first time I held him the day he was christened."
"You making faces at him was an adorable scene," Elizabeth admitted. "I think you should know though that Jack has a compass that was Jack senior's compass at one time. Bill gave it to me for little Jack's first birthday. Bill had it because Jack had given it to them when they were lost in the mountains one time. While I am sure Little Jack would appreciate your compass, perhaps it is Ally who should have it. She will be going off on her own in a few years. You could give it to her then, just like my father bequeathed me his compass when I left home to come west. Father wanted me to 'embrace new frontiers without the fear of getting lost'. I think it might be more special to Ally than to Jack."
"You have a good point, Elizabeth," Nathan said, giving her hands a squeeze.
Before either of them could say anything else, a third voice chimed in. "Mama, I can't sleep."
Nathan and Elizabeth looked to the sound to see Jack standing just inside the doorway, rubbing at his eyes.
"Did you have a bad dream?" Elizabeth asked him, even though he had denied it the previous times.
"I don't think so," Jack answered. "Just can't sleep."
Having let go of Elizabeth's hands, Nathan moved toward the boy. "How about we try some warm milk with a little honey," he suggested, reaching down to lift the boy into his arms. "My mom use to make it for me when I was a little boy and couldn't sleep."
"Did it help you sleep?" Jack asked.
"Worked like a charm every time," Nathan assured him.
"Mama, will you join us?" Jack asked looking to his mother.
Elizabeth walked toward the pair. "Warm milk and honey with my two favorite guys, sounds like quite a treat," she told Jack. "I just hope your Dad doesn't end up with two sleepy people to get back upstairs."
Nathan looped an arm around her waist as he started out of the room. "I do not mind tucking you both in tonight," he replied.
Elizabeth giggled as she looped her own arm around Nathan's waist. Yes, she was very happy to be here with Nathan in this moment. Second guessing the past did no one any good.