The lantern, on the table, cast flickering light throughout the Coulter's dining room. Though no precipitation was falling, the thick clouds had made for a dreary October day, making indoor lighting necessary even during the day.
Rosemary sat at the table sipping from her tea cup, her attention going between Aster, sitting in a highchair with pieces of banana in front of her, and Elizabeth. Though Elizabeth had a cup of tea in front of her, Rosemary thought her friend may have taken one sip. Elizabeth sat silently, staring at the sage colored napkin she was folding and unfolding. While Ellen was conducting lessons on her own, Elizabeth was waiting for Nathan's call saying he had reached his destination. The plan was for Elizabeth and Ally to have dinner at the Coulters tonight so that Ally could call and talk to her Dad and Jack this evening.
"A watched pot never boils," Rosemary commented softly.
"What?" Elizabeth asked, finally looking up.
"Just something my mother use to say when I sat watching the clock waiting for my Dad to get home from wherever work had taken him. She was trying to tell me that just staring at the clock was going to make the time seem longer than if I had gone about normal activities like she did."
Elizabeth smiled sheepishly at her friend. "You are right. Nathan said he would call as soon as he was settled at my parents' house. Nothing I can do will make that happen any sooner," she conceded, reaching out and placing the napkin on the table. Reaching out, she picked up the tea cup and took a sip.
Happy that Elizabeth seemed to be out of her stupor, Rosemary took a sip of her own tea before trying to start a conversation for a second time. She watched adoringly as Aster attempted to put a piece of banana into her mouth, some of it getting smushed on her face rather than in her mouth. From the look on Aster's face, the ten-month-old girl did not mind the mess but then why should she, Rosemary thought ruefully? After all Aster had a mama to clean up after her.
"I heard Aster said her first word the other night," Elizabeth commented.
Rosemary smiled, looking from Aster to Elizabeth. "I supposed the bit of news was the first thing out of Lee's mouth when he came to work in the wood shop yesterday."
"It was. The fact that his daughter called him Dada made him proud as a peacock," Elizabeth said with a grin. Her smile tempered as she asked the next question. "Are you doing okay with that, Rosemary?"
"With what? The fact that the daughter I longed for so long, chose her first word to be Dada?"
"Yes," Elizabeth confirmed.
Rosemary let her gaze fall back to Aster. "Well, I will admit it stung a bit at first, but seeing how happy it made Lee, takes the sting away. Perhaps it was as it should be. Little girls are all Daddy's girls anyways."
"That is true," Elizabeth said. "My mother said both Viola and I said 'Da' before 'mama'."
"What about, Julie?" Rosemary asked.
"Story is, her first word was 'pwety' as she held up her dress," Elizabeth replied, causing Rosemary to laugh.
"Is that good, Aster?" Elizabeth asked the infant, pointing at the banana on the tray of her high chair. Though it had started out in a bowl, Aster had long since removed all but one piece from the bowl.
Aster smiled at Elizabeth. With a misshapened piece of banana in her hand, Aster extended her hand toward Elizabeth.
"Nana?" the infant said.
Elizabeth gasped in shock. Getting over her surprise, she let the infant put the banana in her mouth. Aster giggled.
"Thank you for sharing, Aster," Elizabeth said, after swallowing the banana. Looking at Rosemary, she saw her friend wearing a pout.
"I can accept my daughter's first word being dada," Rosemary said. "But to lose out the second word to a piece of fruit, really hurts."
Elizabeth patted her friend's arm but as she was about to say something to console Rosemary the phone rang.
Rosemary nodded in the direction of the phone. "Go answer it. It is probably Nathan."
Elizabeth gave her friend's arm another pat as she stood and moved to answer the phone. Rosemary looked at Aster.
"Now, you have said Dada and nana. How about saying mama, now?" Rosemary told her daughter.
"Nana?" Aster said again holding a piece of banana to her mother.
Listening to Elizabeth greet Nathan over the phone, Rosemary accepted the offering from her daughter. "Thank you, my little diva. Now how about you say Mama? Can you say Mama?"
Aster gurgled before putting a piece of banana in her own mouth, causing Rosemary to sigh. She now knew exactly how Elizabeth had felt that first Christmas with Little Jack waiting for him to say his first word.
Picking up her pillow, Elizabeth flipped it over and tried to settle down again. She had thought she would have an easier time falling asleep with Nathan away this time. After all, he had been on a train this past week and while in Hamilton, her father had made the family chauffeur at Nathan's disposal. Her family and the staff would take care of Nathan while in the city and help her husband look after Jack. In a few days, Nathan and Jack would be back on the train on their way home. It was relatively safe and she knew his schedule.
Yet somehow, Elizabeth found she missed him more than ever. Falling asleep since he had left, had been no easy feat.
After tossing and turning for about fifteen minutes longer, Elizabeth gave up and threw back the covers. She slipped her feet into her slippers and grabbed her bathrobe. Not bothering with the sash, Elizabeth wrapped it around her as she crossed her arms across her stomach and moved to the window. Reaching it, Elizabeth lifted on hand and pushed back the curtain. The moonlight cast a glow on the yard illuminating the lane that lead to the main road. This wasn't the first time she stood at this window watching down the lane. She had done so on previous trips Nathan had gone on. Then, she had found comfort imagining that at any moment Nathan might be coming down the lane. Home from whatever duties had taken him away. Tonight, she knew there was no chance of that opening. She knew exactly when Nathan should be home and that seemed so far away.
Elizabeth would have thought that being able to talk to Nathan on the telephone today would have made her miss him less. Instead, she felt like she was missing Nathan more.
Picturing a calendar in her mind, Elizabeth tried to convince herself that it was not really that long until Nathan would be home. That they were almost half way through the separation. However, the calendar in her mind just seemed like a whole lot of boxes that represented days that she had to get through. Just like Jack's training mission at Fort Clay. That was supposed to be a safe trip. She had known when Jack was supposed to come home.
But, Jack had not come back from that trip.
A sob bubbled up from within her. The sound seemed loud in the quiet of the night, and Elizabeth lifted a hand to her mouth to smother the sound less she wake up Ally. Looking up Elizabeth whispered a silent prayer.
"Please, God, don't take another man that I love! Haven't we all seen enough heartache? Don't we all finally deserve the joys of a loving family with each other?" she asked, the plea clear in the quiet words.
In the quiet that followed, what she had said sunk in. Another man that she loved? She had finally been able to admit out loud what she her heart had been trying to convince her of all along. She had fallen in love with Nathan.
"I love Nathan," Elizabeth said, the words slightly louder than her whispered prayer. She looked skyward again. "Please, Lord. Bring him home so I can tell him that face to face. Amen."
With the second prayer of the night said, Elizabeth felt a sense of peace wash over her. She still missed Nathan, but the worry about him not coming home seemed to lift. Looking toward the bed though, Elizabeth knew she was still not going to be able to go to sleep anytime soon because the bed was just too empty. With a sigh, Elizabeth headed for the bedroom door. Perhaps writing her new revelation down in her journal would help.
Picking the oil lamp up from the dresser near the door, she lit. Being quiet so as not to disturb Ally, Elizabeth made her way downstairs. Sitting at her desk, she wrote out the revelation she just made. The words 'I love Nathan' were easy to write and seemed to flow naturally. Elizabeth even found herself saying them to herself as she wrote them.
If only he were here to tell him, she lamented. Elizabeth knew she could tell him over the phone. It seemed so impersonal though. As long as Nathan ha been waiting for her to be able to return his love, he deserved the first time she said them to him to be in person at the very least. Perhaps she could even arrange a special dinner for two and make the occasion special. She had no doubt that Archie, Bill, Lee and Rosemary would find a way for one of them to be available to watch the kids. Perhaps maybe even overnight so she could have a little time alone with Nathan.
Elizabeth put down her pen as she pondered the situation. She had plenty of time to put the plan in motion.
Footsteps on the stairs, stirred Elizabeth from her thoughts. Knowing that it had to be Ally, Elizabeth put the lid on the bottle of ink and closed her journal so that she could give Ally her full attention. Elizabeth was getting to her fit and properly tying the sash on her bathrobe when Ally appeared in the doorway to the room.
"Is something wrong, Sweetheart?" Elizabeth asked the girl.
Ally shrugged her shoulders. "I can't sleep. My thoughts won't settle down. It started out just missing Dad and Jack. Dad said it was nice knowing that he could pick up a phone and hear our voice on this trip away. It got me thinking about Robert. He's further west and where he is going, looks remote. I looked it up on a map. He likely won't be able to call home and hear his family's voice. I am sure they will write but it might seem like an awful long time between letters. Which led me thinking to something Grandpa told me about one of the worse things about being in jail was that he had hurt his family and he only received an occasion letter. Yes, Robert hurt me but part of me believes he thought he was doing what was best for both of us. So, maybe I should write to him as a friend. When she was sick this last time, Grandma admitted there were times she had wished she gave Grandpa that one more chance sooner. That she was grateful to me and you, though she didn't know you, for helping Dad find the way to forgive Grandpa so there was a reason for Grandpa to come back into her life to talk things out before it was too late. If something happens to Robert, do I want him dying thinking I was mad at him for following his heart and conscious."
Ally stopped there and even in the flickering light of the lamp Elizabeth could see a slight color in the girl's cheeks.
"Sorry. I am babbling."
Elizabeth gave a sympathetic smile as she closed the distance between them. "No apology is necessary. I babbled to my mother on more than one occasion," she admitted sliding an arm around Ally's shoulders. "But it is no wonder you can't sleep, with all of that going on in your head. How about we both go to the kitchen and talk over some warm milk and honey? Perhaps then we can both get some sleep."
Ally nodded as they started toward the kitchen.
"Why can't you sleep?" Ally asked.
"I miss your, Dad," Elizabeth admitted. "Somehow, talking to him only made me miss him more."
"He is missing us too, Mama," Ally supplied.
Ally's use of that title warmed Elizabeth. She was proud and happy to fill in for Colleen as Ally's mama. She is still your daughter too, Colleen, Elizabeth promised silently to the woman who had given this girl life. I will never forget that, she thought. Somehow talking to Colleen in her thoughts was just as easy as talking to Jack.
"I know, Sweetheart," Elizabeth replied. "I do hope he is sleeping better though," she added, getting a half smile from Ally.
Seating the girl on a stool at the island, Elizabeth went about making the warm milk and honey. It was something her own mother had done for her and her sisters on restless nights. Elizabeth was proud to be able to share the ritual with a daughter of her own just like she had with Jack Jr. on occasion over the years. She had a feeling there would be more times in the future to share it with both children as they continued to grow.
As Nathan followed Charles Mansfield through the tour of his store, he felt both overwhelmed and bewildered. The man seemingly already had sources for fine furniture. He wasn't sure what the man needed him for.
"This is one area that I really hope you can help me out on," Charles said, as he stopped in an area displaying baby furniture. The man reached out and quickly touched the back of a rocking chair, setting it in motion. "As you can see, these are well made and sleek, but they are plain."
Nathan nodded. There were very few embellishments on the rocking chairs. In fact, the scroll work on the arms of the chair was the only embellishment.
"I have also had more than one customer tell me that they wished they could find a rocking chair that wasn't quite so narrow. They say these rocking chairs are fine with only one child but when a second baby comes along, it is hard to allow the older child to climb up and rock with you."
"That is an easy enough fix, to a design," Nathan commented. Looking around at the other baby furniture, he noticed that it was all on the plain side. As if those creating it, were simply thinking function and not aesthetic. Possibly because an infant was not choosy about the room's decor and would eventually, and quickly, grow out of it. Still, he had seen a few women who were very fussy over their things for the babies. He had a feeling that if it was available, people would buy baby furniture with embellishments over the plain designs.
"Good to hear," Charles replied. "So do you think you might be willing to provide furniture for the store. Perhaps, starting in the new year? I have shown the chairs you sent to several of my friends already. They have said they would be willing to pay top dollar for work like yours."
"I am flattered. Especially as I feel very much like an amateur," Nathan replied.
"Which means you'll only get better as time goes on," the furniture store owner said. "We could start with dinning table sets, the design different from the ones you did for me preferably of course, and a few rocking chairs. See how things sell and go from there. Are you interested?"
"I am," Nathan said. "Though I would like to run details by my father-in-law and my friend back home before making any commitments. I may be good with wood, but the actual business part is all new to me."
"I understand completely," Charles said. "Let's go to my office. I had a business contract drawn up as a proposal. I'll go over it with you. You take it home to your father-in-law and let him look it over. I am okay if William even wants his lawyer to go over it. If there are any changes you would like to see, make note of them. We'll go from there."
"All right," Nathan said with a nod of his head. He was sure if the contract was not a good one then William or Lee would steer him straight.
Friday lessons wrapped up as usual. As the three kids were gathering their school supplies currently spread out on the dining room table, Vincent spoke up.
"Mrs. Grant, my Dad wanted me chop some extra wood for you today. He called last night as they were spending the night in a town before going back out today. Said they were getting snow which might come this way. Not much but he wanted to be sure you had plenty of wood."
Elizabeth smiled. Even away on a tracking assignment, Gabriel was looking out for her like he had promised Nathan. "I would appreciate that," Elizabeth told him, not wanting to come up short herself. Chopping wood was no easy task for her and she was sure even Vincent would make it look easier than she did. "Your mother knows you were planning to stay here late?"
"Yes ma'am. She actually said she wanted to try stopping by with a chat with you if patients don't keep her at the infirmary. I think she is missing, Dad. I miss him too but I think him being gone is harder on her than me."
Elizabeth nodded. "Missing a loved one while they are away from home is never easy," she agreed. "Ally, how about you go out and help Vincent by stacking the wood."
"All right," Ally acquiesced.
While Ellen and Opal bundled up to head home, Vincent and Ally bundled up to go outside. Elizabeth meanwhile headed for the kitchen. She would bake some sugar cookies for the children to snack on when they were done. Cookies and hot chocolate would be a good way for them to warm up after their task. She had just put a batch of cookies in the oven when she heard the front door open.
"Hello, Elizabeth," Faith's voice called out. "Ally told me just to come in."
"Hang up your things and come join me in the kitchen," Elizabeth called back to her friend.
With only two cookies on the second baking sheet, Elizabeth turned away from the bowl of dough to prepare a cup of hot tea, already having put the tea pot on for herself the water was ready. As Faith walked into the kitchen, Elizabeth was placing a cup of tea across the island counter from her.
"Have a cup of tea, while I finish the cookies," Elizabeth told her. "I thought it would be a nice treat for the kids when they come in."
"They are hard at work out there," Faith commented as she sat on the stool in front of the tea cup. Elizabeth went back to the cookies. "Gabriel and I are very proud of Vincent. He has willingly taken on chores. Even more so with Gabriel out on this tracking assignment," she said as she added cream and sugar to her tea. "I almost think he is being too good. Like he might still be afraid that if he isn't on his best behavior we will send him back to the orphanage."
"How long was he in the system?"
"Since he was five," Faith replied, sipping the tea as Elizabeth deftly filled two more baking sheets with little round cookies. "So ten years. Lillian said he was placed in an orphanage after his mother and grandparents took ill and passed. Nothing was known about the father at the time and no one in the community, would take the boy in. Lillian did share with Gabriel and me before we returned to Hope Valley that Vincent shared that from what he overheard his mom and grandparents talking about that he believes his father is dead and that he wasn't a good man."
Elizabeth thought about Ally and what Nathan had shared about her birth father. The man clearly was not a good person to be in Ally's life, having blackmailed Nathan with the promise of staying away for money. Would Ally be safer if Dylan was no longer a threat? The one thing that Elizabeth was sure of was that Nathan was a better father to Ally than Dylan ever could be. From her relationship with Nathan, it was clear that Ally knew that.
"I am sure that with patience and love Vincent will learn to relax and feel secure with you and Gabriel," Elizabeth told her friend. "The first time he breaks a rule, you might even be wishing for him to be acting too good."
"You may be right," Faith agreed. "One thing I am sure of, having Vincent around while Gabriel is away is much better than being alone. Having Vincent to care for help fills the hours I am not working. Nights are bad enough as it is. I have been having a hard time falling asleep. Even the lavender or chamomile tea before bed has not been helping." Faith blushed a little, lowering her voice as she admitted the next bit. "Last night I put a drop of his cologne on his pillow and hugged the pillow. It was the easiest time falling asleep that I had since Gabriel left to help track the thief that stole jewelry from Benson Hills."
"Maybe I need to try that myself," Elizabeth said absently as she removed the first two baking sheets from the oven. She blushed a bit, not having meant to admit to missing Nathan so much.
Elizabeth kept her head down, trying to hide the blush as she went about removing the baked cookies and putting in the next batch.
"Are you having trouble sleeping with Nathan away?" Faith asked with the sympathetic concern of both a doctor and a friend.
The thought of denying it came to Elizabeth's mind but she cast it aside. That would be lying and quite frankly, she had done enough lying to herself over the years.
"Yes," Elizabeth said. "At first I wanted to think it was just that I had gotten use to sleeping close to someone but it isn't just that. I miss him, Faith. Away on a safe business trip or not, I want him home just like you want Gabriel home."
Elizabeth started using a spatula to get the baked cookies off of the baking sheet. With her eyes on her task she continued. "I love, Nathan. I think I always have despite fighting it for so long. I think I was afraid to really risk my heart again."
Elizabeth felt a hand come to rest on her forearm. She looked up into her friend's compassionate eyes. "We all saw how hard it was for you to lose, Jack. It is understandable that you were trying to avoid that, but unfortunately both love and loss, are a part of life. If we let loss dictate how we interact with one another, then we miss out on the joyful part of life. Carson and I might not have worked out, but that fact that he was the intermediary between my father and it is something I will always be thankful for even though I know now that Gabriel was the one I was suppose to spend my life with. I believe Nathan was who you were suppose to be with. Seeing how you two interacted, when he first came to Hope Valley and your connection with Ally, I have always believed that. I wish you did not have to go through so much pain to realize it yourself, but that part of your life is over. Look around you, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth followed Faith's instructions. She took in the home that Nathan had opened to her despite all she had put him through. It no longer looked the way it had when she had first moved in. Some of Nathan and Ally's things had been removed or relocated so that some of her things could take their place. Nathan had not only given her a roof over her head but allowed her to make it her own home as well. Even their bedroom reflected that.
"You have a wonderful home and a wonderful family. Allow yourself the luxury of enjoying that. If you have apologized for your past actions, the only thing left to do is put that behavior behind you and embrace the present. It is what my father and I did. We can't make up the lost years or pretend the hurt was not there but we have moved on from it. Stop lamenting about what has past and embrace what you, Nathan and the children have and can have in the future."
Elizabeth let Faith's words sink in. Her friend was speaking from experience and from the heart. Elizabeth felt Faith truly understood her emotions in a way that Rosemary never would be able to due to life experience.
"Have you told Nathan about your self-discovery?" Faith asked after a few moments of silence.
Elizabeth shook her head. "I think I have known for a while but I was just able to finally say the words out loud. I know I could tell him over the phone, but I feel like he should hear the words in person for the first time not with the crackles and pops of the phone connection"
"Then wait until he gets home. It will come soon enough," Faith told her. "Maybe even before Gabriel gets home."
Now Elizabeth reached out to give Faith comfort through a gesture. She knew what it was like waiting for a Mountie to finish his duty so he could come home to you.
"How about you and Vincent joining Ally and I for supper tonight," Elizabeth told her.
"I think I would like that," Faith replied. "I will warn you though, I really am only useful for peeling and chopping things but I will help where I can."
Elizabeth laughed. "That is fine. I ate enough burnt meals when I first moved here from Hamilton so you can stay away from the cooking part," she said, turning to the oven to rescue the second batch of cookies from that exact fate.