Secrets and Lies part II

Back in the apartment Jay made two sandwiches, one turkey and one peanut butter and jelly and set them on plates with apples and glasses of water while Liam washed up. Before he forgot it, he wrote down the license plate number of the rental car that the man that the adult Liam climbed into. Jay was now left with more thoughts than he could handle or new what to do with. He was still trying to get a grip on the conversation and understand what had just happened when Liam came out from the bathroom.

"Peanut butter and jelly. If I took the meat out, you'd be left with a mayo and lettuce sandwich." Jay said nodding towards the plate.

"Thanks," Liam said digging in.

"What did your mom call you?"

"Huh?" Liam asked as he chewed surprised by the question.

"Did she call you Liam or L.J.?"

"Both. But I think L.J. more. You always called me Liam more. It was like sometimes it was hard for her to say my name, which was weird because she's the one that gave it to me."

"Do you have a preference?" Jay asked.

"No, either one. You okay?"

"Yeah. Great. Why?"

"How come you have your gun?"

Jay had totally forgotten that he had his gun still tucked away in his waistband. "I had thought I saw a bad guy. So, to be prepared, I went and got it."

"Was it a bad guy?" Liam asked as he finished his sandwich.

"No. No he wasn't."

"Thanks for telling me," Liam said. "For telling me the truth, instead of making something up."

Jay forced an uncertain smile. "Speaking of secrets and lies. We're not done from last night."

"What? I cleaned the house, cleaned up Mrs. Harris' yard. What else can you want me to do?"

"I think you'll find out after we finish eating."

Once the food was eaten and dishes cleared, Jay went into his room and put his gun away and grabbed a notebook and tore a piece of paper from it and a pen from his nightstand. He went back to the table where Liam was and put the paper and pen in front of him. "You helped clean the apartment because you live here and made at least half the mess, actually, you probably made much more than half. You cleaned up Mrs. Harris' yard because you were being punished for trampling over her flowers. Now, about what happened last night. You cannot talk to me like that. You are not allowed to use that language and I don't want to hear it again most especially directed at me."

"Not even when I'm older?"

"No. Not even then. I'll always be your father, no matter how old you get."

"But how about the bad words though?"

"We'll revisit that in the future. Now, I want you to write this sentence," Jay said as he wrote down 'I will not swear' on the paper, "twenty times."

"Oh come on," Liam protested.

"Wrong answer kid."

"What?"

"Now, after that, you can write down 'yes sir' fifteen times."

"No way," Liam said in disbelief.

"Now, you can write 'no sir' fifteen times. Do you see the pattern here? You might want to think about your next answer carefully. Write, them neatly. Do you understand?"

Liam sighed as he took the pen and looked up at Jay. "Yes sir."

"Now you got it. Get started and when you get done we can head to the trail."

Liam let out a growly sigh, beginning to sound like the disgruntled tween he was trying to be. He knew he should have never told his dad that, but he was mad and it just sort of slipped. But then again, when he was in trouble, at least his dad was paying attention to him or at least home to pay attention to him.

Jay retreated to his room and let out the breath he had been holding in. He needed Liam to stay busy and give him at least a few minutes to recover from his recent experience on the street. Plus the kid did need to know that he had pushed it way too far the night before. He ran into disrespect on the streets all of the time and it caused things to escalate at hyperspeed. If he had to hammer the lesson of respect home on a nightly basis then he would. But of course he wasn't always home on a nightly basis.

But now the lesson had a twofold purpose as he had to try and put his thoughts in order and regroup. What the hell had just happened? He didn't know what to believe. He so often went on instinct and his gut was telling him that this man was exactly who he said he was. He had looked into the man's eyes and they didn't reveal malice, only fatigue and frustration. Much like his own eyes often held. And they were the blue that he had forgotten, the blue of Bridget's or Emma's as he now understood her name to be. It wasn't only the color, but they held the same emotions. The picture was the same one he had seen many years ago. And the weary body language went along with the story he told. Jay had seen it many times in tales of woe, whether it was here in Chicago or back in Afghanistan. The body seemingly wilting as the story was told. It was something that was nearly impossible to fake.

He wasn't sure how long he had sat there before Liam knocked on the door frame. "I'm done, and I did it neatly."

Jay snapped back to the present and took the paper. "Let's see." He scanned the lines and found they were as neat as a ten year old's scrawl would allow.

"I numbered them so you could see I did them all. Can we go now?" Liam asked, always feeling that if they were encompassed in an activity that it would somehow keep Jay from being called into work during his time off.

"It looks good. But—" he said turning the paper over and grabbing another pen from his nightstand, he began to write another sentence. "If we have an issue like we did last night, you'll be writing this," he said handing it back to his son. "Can you tell me what I wrote?"

"It says, 'I will not disrespect my father'."

"And you will fill the whole paper with it. Got it?"

Liam opened his mouth but quickly closed it again, taking another second to rethink his answer. "Yes sir."

"Good answer. Go fill up our water bottles and find your knit hat and fleece jacket. It's going to be cold while we ride. You might want to find your black gloves too."

"Okay," Liam said as he took off.

Jay stood and walked out into the main area of the apartment and watched his son scurry around as if he was on a scavenger hunt collecting all the items. As he searched for his gloves Jay went down to their basement storage cage and brought their bikes up.

A week ago he told Liam about how he and Will used to ride their bikes all over their Canaryville neighborhood. It was the escape they often needed. They would pedal the streets they knew and would even venture north, to neighborhoods that were foreign to them. They would envy the brick row houses, the newer vehicles parked like matchbox cars up and down the street. Now, riding with his son, reminded him of the bond that came with simply being together.

A few minutes later as they bundled up and prepared to leave Liam swung his leg over his bike and rolled up next to Jay. "Dad?"

"Yeah L.J." Jay responded, rolling the nickname around in his mouth as if he could still taste the woman who had given it to his son.

"I'm sorry. About last night. I didn't mean to say that word."

"Thank you for apologizing. It means a lot to me. You know how much I love you?"

"A lot?" the boy asked.

"More than that. Let's go, stick close to me and watch out for the cars."

"Yes sir!" Liam said as they began to pedal.

They rode to the trail, Jay kept a close eye on traffic and Liam. The arrived at the trail which was less that three miles but had some great assets including parks, great views of several neighborhoods including their own and cool graffiti which always caught Liam's eye. They rode from their access point at Walsh playground to the other end and back.

"You want to play for a few minutes?" Jay asked as he nodded towards the equipment.

"Can I?" Liam asked as his eyes lit up.

"Go on. I'll watch you."

Liam took off, found a random kid and made friends all in the time it took Jay to move their bikes near a bench where he sat down. He watched his son talk to his new buddy and then the two take off towards the swings. He thought back to his meeting with the elder Liam and what the man had said. Was it all true? Was any of it true? After Bridget or Emma as he should start thinking of her, left he waited for two years, still expecting and believing she would return. He watched her apartment go back on the rental market, her job evaporate, her neighbors shake their head in confusion at her absence and the school move her information from the top of the forms as the primary contact to below Jay's. He could deal with the fact that she had left him, but to leave her child seemed so unlike her that he found he couldn't really grasp the possibility, even as the days turned to years.

There was no doubt that she loved Liam very much. It was written all over her world. It was in her eyes, actions and everything about her. The sun rose and set with him, so how the hell could she just disappear? It thrust Jay into a role he felt he was ill prepared for. He worked at least sixty hours a week, all times of the day and night and really had no idea what to do with a child full time. But he had been forced to learn and learn quickly. It wasn't just the role he was filling, but all of the questions that came from his son about his mothers whereabouts and they were all questions he couldn't answer.

He had loved his part-time status as a father. If he got called in at three in the morning, he just went. If he had to stay until midnight, he stayed. He had no guilt as there wasn't even a goldfish waiting for him at home, but it had all changed with the words, 'I'm taking a trip.'

Despite the fact that he had gotten paperwork only months after Emma's disappearance, giving up her parental rights he didn't trust it and two years after she had left, Jay filed some paperwork, seeking sole custody of his son. It meant if she came back, she couldn't just jump back in where they had left off. It meant that Jay had a say in the matter of custody and visitation—a major say. His lawyer said at five years he should come back and file more paperwork. They were at the five year mark. Five years ago, Liam hadn't lost any teeth, sight words were a big deal and he was still learning how to tie his shoes. It was a lifetime ago and she had missed everything.

Now, with her absence stretching out, with no contact, Jay was allowed pursue the next step and have her parental rights terminated. She had relinquished them years ago, just after he departure, but his lawyer had advised that he take this step regardless. It would mean that if she ever showed up, she had absolutely no rights to her son or decisions concerning him. It also meant that if she tried to have contact, Jay would be notified immediately and if she tried to transport him anywhere, it would be considered kidnapping. And since she was foreign descent, hers and Liam's information would be put on a no fly list.

Jay had hesitated to take this final step for a few reasons. One he had to provide quite a few documents that he hadn't even begun to track down. He would need to provide Liam's birth certificate, the one that Jay had initially balked at when he saw his name sitting on the line marked father. As well as the custody and visitation agreement from years ago, the DNA test results, the amended custody arrangement from three years ago, proof of an address and income among several other things. He would also need letters of support from at least three people that knew both Jay and Liam to be character witnesses saying that Jay could care for his son along with with the fact that he had done so for many years and the boy didn't seem any worse for wear since Jay had attained full custody.

He laid in bed thinking about why he hadn't proceeded, but then became totally overwhelmed with the process and did nothing. There was also the fact that if he went forward, it would mean he had accepted the fact that Emma was never coming back. And as much as it hurt him, he knew closing this chapter in Liam's life could very well devastate the boy. But of course not telling the boy was an option, more secrets he supposed. And, also there was the realization that sometimes knowing something and admitting it were two totally different things.

But with the conversation from earlier in the day, it sounded like the effort was no longer necessary. In another couple of years he could look into having her declared deceased and the rest would take care of itself. But something didn't feel right. He believed Emma's so called brother was being truthful on most things, but something flickered false during the conversation, he just wasn't sure what it was.

He watched his son play, his black knit hat bouncing around as he ran, climbed and jumped around. The temperatures were in the low fifties and the sun was shining, but the wind was still cool. The forecast called for beautiful week, perhaps the last of the season. Daylight savings had ended and the shadows were already creeping their way. Liam had already asked if they could toss the baseball around when they got home if there was time, but time was running short. But it also gave Jay a way to get his kid off the playground without a myriad of complaints and stall tactics.

"L.J.," he yelled, still thinking of Emma. "If you want to play catch we better get going." Liam stopped in his tracks and jogged over with his new friend following him.

"This is Pete, he lives in—where do you live?" He turned and asked the boy.

"Ohio." The boy replied.

"This is Pete from Ohio. He's here visiting his cousins."

"Nice to meet you Pete from Ohio." Jay said smiling at the boy. "You ready?" He asked turning back to his son.

"I guess," Liam said as he bid his new friend goodbye.

They rode home as the sun descended behind them. "I'll put the bikes up, you grab our gloves and a ball." Jay directed. "Meet you back here," he said indicating the front step.

They went their separate ways and five minutes later were tossing the baseball back and forth on the sidewalk. "Can I throw a curveball?" Liam asked.

"Absolutely not. Just throw, don't aim, just throw."

Liam made a face, but tossed it back to his father. He began to throw it harder with each exchange, aiming for the chest. "Nice arm. Just don't overdo it." Jay advised as he threw it back. But he threw it too high and as Liam jumped to catch the ball, it glanced off his glove and towards the street. It bounced between two cars and rolled towards the middle of the street.

Jay jogged down to where Liam was as the boy stepped into the street. "Watch for cars," he said looking both ways along with his son. The street was clear, but as Liam neared the ball a car whipped around the corner and sped down the street. Jay's eye's widened as he saw son in the direct path of the speeding car. He launched himself off the curb and grabbed Liam, pulling him back to safety.

Jay looked at the car, thinking for a moment it might have been the rental car that Liam James had been driving. But this one was black, not navy blue and was mid-sized sedan as opposed to the smaller version he had witnessed earlier. Besides if the man had wanted to harm the boy, he would have had a better opportunity earlier that day or the next as the boy went to school.

"Is he okay?" Ellie asked as she came running down the street.

"Yeah, he is," Jay replied as he realized he hadn't even looked at Liam. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Liam replied, his voice muffled from being in his father's chest. "Except you're squishing me."

Jay realized he had wrapped his arms around him in a tight cocoon, barely allowing the boy to breathe. "Sorry. Let me see you." He said as they both got up. Other than a scuff on Liam's sneaker, all appeared to be fine.

"Did you see the car?" Jay asked.

"Yeah. I think it's that Johnson kid from down the street. I heard he already has two tickets and he's only had is license for three months. He nearly ran over Louise Thelman last week." Ellie replied.

Jay nodded as they made their way back to the curb. "I think we should head inside. It's getting too dark to see."

"We can still play for a few minutes," Liam begged, using the argument he hadn't needed earlier at the playground.

"Not tonight buddy. It's supposed to be nice all week, we'll play again."

"No we won't, you'll never get home before it's dark." Liam said as he stomped towards the front door, leaving Jay to realize the accuracy of his son's statement. He looked back down the street where the car had disappeared and realized that since the afternoon his whole world had turned a bit on its axis. Did the news he had heard fill in any gaps or only create them.

Liam James flopped down on the bed with a flourishing sigh and pulled a pillow underneath his head. The fresh hotel sheets making him feel like he should climb under the covers and close the world out.

"Did you see him?"

He groaned and rolled over. "Yeah. But only from a distance."

"How'd he look?"

"Happy, healthy, normal."

"Did you hear him talk?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering how sweet his voice was. And Jay?"

"Oh, him I met up and close and personal." Liam went on to explain Jay sneaking up on him, disarming him and synopsis of their conversation.

"So you never lied?"

"No. We should go out. There's a ton of restaurants around the infinite number of entirely too tall buildings. I feel claustrophobic in this city. So big, but so confining. At least downtown. The neighborhood they live in reminded me a bit of the ones in Dublin."

"What was Jay like?"

"I just told you." Liam said, slightly exasperated. But he took a breath, made eye contact and continued. "He's a good man. A good father. He was clearly watching out for Liam, willing to protect him at all costs. His love for the boy was deeply embedded in his eyes.

"I got him to believe what you wanted."

"You're sure you have him convinced?"

"Yeah. I think so. I'm pretty sure. But he's a cop, he listens to liars all day long."

"Which is why I told you not to lie. Just push him in the right direction for him to believe what is needed."

"I did my best. I swear to you." He assured.

She sighed. "He has to understand that there is nothing left to pursue, nothing left to wonder about. I need him to believe that I'm dead."

Soundtrack: Feeling you by Harrison Storm and Let He Go by Passenger as Jay thinks about Bridget

I'm Gone by Daniel Spaleniak when adult Liam speaks with Bridget