3
Little Toy Bikers and a Woman on the Run
166 Respect
Ten years ago, he'd loved Tara with his whole heart. He'd hated her for a few years after she left and then somehow his feelings for her were gone. Worn away with time. No love. No hate. Just emptiness.
Out of respect for the love they had once shared, he had treated her as kindly as possible while still telling her the truth. Near the end of their conversation, it had been a struggle. It angered him that after ten years, she could come back to Charming and think they could get back together as though the break up had never happened. He might still live in Charming, but his life had not stood still waiting for Tara.
She would always hold a place in his heart because she was his first love. That was history. He gave her the gift of freedom by letting her know that it was over for them. He wanted her to move ahead with her life by either leaving town or finding a guy in Charming.
Losing Wendy and Bela left Jax a little softer and a little more sensitive. When she started crying, he'd comforted her. She kissed him and he responded. It was just a reflex. Nothing more. He would have done the same with any girl. He was pretty sure that was true.
When she suggested sex, that slammed the brakes on everything. He'd fallen into a sex trap with Wendy; he wasn't about to fall into one with Tara. She tried to convince him that it was just sex. It was never just sex if there had been feelings involved. For someone who was supposed to be so smart, Tara had a lot to learn about life. Still. Sex with Tara would mean to her that they were getting back together.
Sex with Tara had been the best of his life. It wasn't about skill; it was about feelings. It added a dimension to it that moved it beyond just physical. Maybe that was partly why he'd rejected her. Without being in love with her, sex would have been different, ordinary, like crow-eater sex. It would tarnish his memories.
Scarlett was completely different. The second he saw her, he thought about sex, but that was normal when he saw an attractive girl. Here he was still hanging around her and no sex. It wasn't even in the foreseeable future due to her back injury. And he was still OK with it.
She was intoxicating and addictive. He couldn't imagine his life without her. Maybe that was love. What the hell did labels matter anyway? It was enough that she was in his life. She was also smart and not just regular smart. She was useful smart. He was going to share some of what he'd learned from her with the guys tonight.
He heard Chibs rounding up everyone for church. He walked into the chapel and took his seat on the left hand side of Clay. It was going to be a tough meeting because he was going to challenge Clay.