Full Summary: Being reincarnated into the One Piece universe is not what one would expect after death. Especially when the 'character' you've been born into is someone who technically doesn't exist. Were things supposed to remain the same, or were you suppose to change them? Only time will tell, supposedly.
"I am an informant. I know things. Most of them unfortunately not pleasant." - Portgas D. Roux
Warning(s): Slash/Yaoi, Timeline Alterations, Reincarnation.
Main Pairing: Undecided
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, obviously.
Roux walked the streets of Cheese Island, his jaws moving non-stop as he chewed on the (simply divine) cheese puff in his hands. All of the local delicacies were extremely delicious. Even with two lifetimes worth of baking skills, he could confidently say that he wasn't a match for these chefs. He was, however, seriously tempted to bug all of the kitchens for their recipes, but alas, the kitchens had the most security, shockingly.
Sure, with Roci's (overpowered) Fruit ability, it would be easy to bypass the guards, but Roux was reluctant to overwork Roci too much. Call him soft or whatever, but he took care of those he deemed as his. And as possessive as that sounds, Roux was NOT at all possessive. Honest.
Anyway.
His personal mission of recruiting Katakuri into his team wasn't at all smooth sailing. It has already been four days since his arrival to Totto Land, however, the only time he spotted Katakuri... He lost his temper at an imposter. It left a sour taste in his mouth at having blown that rare encounter away. He should've reeled in his temper and hunted down the imposter afterward.
Roux sighed.
He shouldn't think of the 'what ifs' and focus more on what he could do. His eyes idly scanned the surroundings as the cogs in his brain started to turn.
He was sure Katakuri won't be leaving Totto Land anytime soon since Big Mom's party would be in three days' time. Roux also preferred not to use any extreme methods that could potentially turn Katakuri away from him, so that left him with no choice but to purposefully reach out to the Charlotte matriarch in order to get ahold of him.
He seriously didn't want to call Big Mom, though. She was, after all, twice the cheat character as he was. Garp may constantly whine about how unfair Roux was with the immense offensive power his Devil Fruit brought for him but compared to that crazy woman? He shuddered. As much as it pains him to admit it, Charlotte Linlin scares the shit out of him.
With resignation, he finished the last of the pastry in his hands and went back to his ship. After having stored away all the cheesy pastries in the kitchen, he went into his small office and took a seat on his comfortable desk chair, a den den mushi already in position in front of him. The generic snail was colored a deep shade of red with its shell having a smiley face drawn on it. It was as big as his head and was wearing a stylish fedora.
"What was her number again..." He murmured distractedly as he removed Roci's scarf, shivering slightly when the damp air hit his warm neck.
It took a few moments to recall, but after he did, he took at least half an hour to prepare himself.
puru puru puru... puru puru puru... puru puru puru...
It was a few heart-thumping moments later that the snail's eyes swirled to him, indicating that the snail's telepathic wavelength has been connected.
Kachap
A bead of sweat rolled down his cheek when the first thing he could hear from the other end was the loud background noises. Those disturbingly lurid tea party songs always got to him. Why were they singing so damn early, anyway? And did they really have to have such descriptively brutal lyrics?
"Good afternoon, Charlotte Linlin-sama," he greeted politely, a gentle smile on his face. Even though they weren't speaking face-to-face, the den den mushi would imitate the facial expressions of the speaker. Tsk. How he has always hated video calls.
"Red?!" Big Mom's voice was full of enthusiasm, "Haaaaaahahamamamama! I was just thinking about you. Are you finally going to accept my offer to be my 42nd husband? Our children will definitely be strong." 42nd? She truly has come a long way from naming him the 23rd husband. Or the 26th. Or the 27th. Or the 30th. Or the 32nd. Or the 38th. Or the- eh, nevermind.
Yeah... He has been offered to be her husband quite a number of times. Or, like, every time they meet coincidentally at sea, or during business calls, he would be bombarded by that exact same question. Even during her 25th honeymoon, she had asked him that damn question right in front of her newly wedded husband. Talk about an awkward situation.
Anyway.
It was only thanks to his Oscar-winning acting skills that he was able to keep his gentlemanly smile and soothing tone of voice when he replied.
"Lin-sama. It brings me great pleasure to hear that you've been thinking about me," He intentionally ignores her question, already too used to her persistent proposals - which only made him wonder if Lola got that (unpleasant) trait from her mother. "How are you? It's been so long since we've last talked." Roughly a decade, actually. They haven't reached out to one another after Roux had saved Roci.
"Mamamama! Good! But I'll be toasty when I see you later~" Stop flirting, goddammit! "Are you in the area, Red?"
... Let's just... ignore those strange words and move on. Having selective hearing does come in handy when dealing with these type of people.
"That's reassuring to hear. And yes, Lin-sama, I am indeed in the area. In fact, I am actually planning on attending your tea party. I've heard spectacular things and wish to experience them for myself." Preferably without her knowing of his attendance... Alas, that damn imposter truly destroyed his plans!
Big Mom laughed joyfully, "You are?! Haaaaaahahamamamama! Of course, Red! Where are you now?! I'll send my precious children to personally escort you here. Only the best and safest for you, sweetie. Ah, mamamama, I'll have to prepare the perfect accommodation for your stay too! No, wait. There's no need for that. You can sleep with me! Hahahahaha!"
Roux had a hard time holding his poker face together. No One Piece fan out there could possibly imagine how much of a flirt this old bag of bones was. Well, what could you expect from someone who had been married for more than 40 times, yeah? So it's better to simply ignore this side of her personality completely.
On one hand, he could finally get a chance to meet her children, on the other hand, he seriously didn't want to go anywhere near her bedroom. He knows for a fact that he would be raped held back the second they were behind closed doors.
"How very generous of you, Lin-sama, but do rest assured that I have already arrived safely into your territory and am more than pleased with the suite I booked. Furthermore, the pastries your citizens bake are simply divine. I wouldn't mind, however, being escorted to your personal island by a few of your infamous Charlotte children. I've heard much about them and would be more than happy to meet them."
"Then it's settled! Where are you right now, Red?" Her words were loud and fast, showing him how excited she was at the prospect of having him on Whole Cake island.
It only made him want to sigh, however. Flattery and backhanded compliments go way over her head. As much as it was easy to deal with her somewhat child-like and flirty blunt personality, Roux preferred to deal with overly prideful people - in his eyes, they were easier to butter up and manipulate.
"I'm currently docked at Cheese Island," he replied as he started to shrug off his casual wear, "When would be an appropriate time-"
He was interrupted by Big Mom's gleeful laughter, "Mamamama~! What a coincidence. They're all already there! I'll call them now. I can't wait to see you, Red - we'll have such a gouda time!"
Kachap
The generic den den mushi went back to sleep, leaving Roux to massage the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
"At least give me some time to prepare... Or elaborate on why they're on Cheese island. Now I'm just curious. And that pun... Oh, that cheesy ass and utterly lame pun... You don't change at all, Lin-sama." He murmured with an exaggerated eye roll.
After discarding his clothing on the back of his desk chair, he moved to the wooden wardrobe. Yeah, he knows. Having a wardrobe in the office was strange. But, well, this room may officially be called his 'study', but Roci referred to it as his man cave, stating that he spends far too much time in here than anywhere else on the ship. Even his bedroom was mostly left untouched.
Could you blame him, though? He was far too busy to waste time moving from one room to another. So he simply has gotten a lovely couch, along with a wardrobe and a mini-fridge.
Now in his stylish dark three-piece suit and matching fedora, he made his way out, not forgetting to grab his spare coat to shrug on - making his shoulder look less narrow.
As soon as he stepped onto his ship's deck, he sensed three strong presences heading towards his general direction, all of them from different locations, and their speed being neither too fast nor too slow. Despite his gentlemanly outward bearing, he couldn't help but click his tongue. He wanted to have Roci here with him to watch his back, at least, when meeting a portion of the Charlotte pirates. And since he left his dear PA back at Komugi island... He has no choice but to discard his current plan and proceed all the way to Plan F; which, he might add, he absolutely has no confidence if it would even work.
Why did he need to discard plan A ~ D, you may ask? Well, all of them involved Roci, one way or another. So damn you, Charlotte Linlin! Simple minded idiots always threw wrenches to his plans. And yes, that meant Garp as well. That shitty geezer...
With a defeated sigh, he jumped onto the wooden docks next to his anchored ship, knowing full well that his nameless vessel was much too small to actually accommodate the Charlotte Family in general. At times like these, Roux truly wished for Nico Robin's Devil Fruit Power. With the help of the Hana Hana no Mi, he would've been able to sail in a bigger vessel all by himself. A one-man army, to put it simply.
... Oh, fuck. Why was he making puns during his inner rantings?! Damn you, Charlotte Linlin!
Once again, he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Anyway. Back to the topic.
Why wasn't his Devil Fruit convenient like hers? Anything was better than the power to de-
"Thousand Eyes Red?"
Ah. That's no good. He was so distracted he didn't realize that one of the children were already here.
He turned bodily to the voice, noting (in silent surprise) that it was Oven that had spoken. He could see that Katakuri (chance!) and Daifuku (sounds yummy) were further away, their gazes not leaving him as they walked closer to the youngest of the set.
"Indeed. And you must be Charlotte Oven," the only reason why he wasn't adding '-sama' like usual was because the man before him wasn't a client. Only the Yonko and a few others deserve that kind of respect from him when in a normal setting. "A pleasure to meet your acquaintance. I do apologize for imposing on your and your brothers' time, however."
The short-tempered but loyal man only narrowed his eyes in return, the permanent frown on his face becoming deeper with each word he proceeded to utter, "Why does Mama demand us to escort you? What makes you so special, Thousand Eyes Red?"
Other than being a renown information broker and having three out of the four Emperors, three of the Shichibukai, the Fleet Admiral, as well as the Revolutionary army's leader be unable to touch him due to owing him favors...? No idea.
Roux was beyond amused at his own thoughts, as well as the man who was towering over him as if trying to intimidate him. All he could hear and see was a hissy and declawed kitten trying hard to growl at a lion. If it wasn't considered rude, Roux would've laughed at how adorable the kid was acting. Sure, the triplets were older than his current body, but in mind... He would be considered an old geezer.
"Your mother and I are... close." Which was - as much as he wanted to deny it - unfortunately true. The only reason why they weren't BFFs was due to Linlin's overly flirty personality; which scares Roux away every time they managed to become closer to each other.
"You know Mama on a personal level?" Oven, with his weirdly shaped orange hair and all, looked shocked to be hearing that.
Roux didn't feel offended at the question. He has never met any of Big Mom's children, so they, of course, have never met him personally. Which... To be honest, was weird as well.
Ah, but maybe not entirely so.
For the majority of this life, he had been actively avoiding any and all One Piece characters, after all, and only dealing with them when it concerns his occupation (with a handful of persistent exceptions such as Rouge, Ace, Garp, Luffy, Sabo, Roci, Linlin... and a few others). Such a spineless and weak-willed person he had been. Looking back, he wanted nothing more but to spit at past-Roux in the face for such cowardice.
He truly needed to thank Garp for (literally) slapping sense into him.
"Why of course. Lin-sama and I have known each other for quite some time." And over the decades of them knowing each other, Linlin got the majority of her blackmail materials and information from him, making many from the Underworld fear her - thus giving her an unfair advantage with her overpowered Devil Fruit powers.
The tall and muscular man was scrutinizing Roux's face, and once again, Roux didn't bother to feel offended at the other's doubt. He did, after all, appear to be in his early to mid-twenties. But considering how people here (in the OP universe) would often than not look their age, it wouldn't be too much of a surprise to be dismissed of scrutiny soon.
Also, everyone knows how crazy Big Mom is. So to have someone say that they are close to her... What a scary notion. Even Roux would pity the poor son of a bitch who Big Mom claims to be close with.
"We meet again, Thousand Eyes," Katakuri stated nonchalantly as he halted just a few steps away from Roux, his two younger brothers flanking him almost immediately after. The man's deep voice truly was magnetic. It demanded attention and compliance from those around him - arrogant yet indifferent at the same time. A contradiction on its own.
Roux tilted his fedora so that the brim of his hat shadowed his eyes. With such a height difference, he doubted they could see the genuine smile playing on his lips, "Indeed, Charlotte Katakuri. I must, however, apologize for my rather unsightly first impression. I ensure you that that shan't happen again."
The eldest triplet closed his eyes in dismissal, causing Roux to let out a soft chuckle. Now, why did Katakuri remind him so much of bratty Ace? Ah, how he misses his two nephews...
He then smiled amicably at the last of the triplets, his gentleman's code not allowing for Roux to leave anyone out, "And hello there, Charlotte Daifuku. A pleasure to meet your acquaintance."
The man in blue had an unpleasant expression on his face even as he nodded in greeting.
Inside the safety of Roux's mind, he linked the middle of the triplet's face to be that of a yankee's. Which only made him want to cackle uncontrollably. Luckily for his reputation, Roux has always been in control of his actions (unless in the presence of an imposter, which would, unfortunately, blind him with rage).
"Now then, how shall we proceed from here?" He chirped. "I doubt my rather adorable-sized ship would be able to accommodate all of your statures."
"We wait. Then we travel through mirrors." Katakuri, it seems, was considered the spokesperson of their group. Not that Roux would've thought otherwise. The loyalty he shows to the rest of the Charlotte Family made him quite popular within their group - and his mask as the 'perfect' big brother simply put him on a high pedestal.
If Roux remembered correctly (which he did), Katakuri used to be bullied and teased due to his 'pelican eel-like sharp teeth' (which Roux secretly fanboy-ed over) and how he ate. When his younger sister, Brûlée, got her face slashed, he - to put it bluntly - snapped. That warped the rather loving child into this... perfect being. He trained his Kenbunshoku Haki beyond its limits, wanting to prevent such an incident from ever happening again. Coupled with how he inherited his mother's monstrous strength... It was no wonder he has never lost a single fight.
The strongest of Big Mom's children.
A legend who would have over a billion beli over his head.
"Not gonna ask what brother meant by mirror travel?" Oven's frown deepened (if that was even possible) as he questioned brattily.
Roux decided to answer in a very polite yet condescending manner as if an adult talking to a child, "I need not ask something I already have knowledge of, Oven-kun." The orange headed man looked ready to explode, but before he could, Roux slyly looked away as if oblivious. "Since we are waiting for your younger sister, would the three of you like a cup of tea?"
Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Katakuri hold up a hand in front of Oven, making the latter halt in his rather menacing step. The youngest of the triplets frowned fiercely but fell back obediently, glaring daggers into Roux's side.
"There's no need. She'll be here soon." Katakuri then closed his eyes and crossed those toned arms of his over an equally muscular chest.
Ah, Roux's inner fanboy has already fainted from a massive amount of nosebleed. Luckily for his dignity, he remained outwardly passive, only smiling politely as he nodded at the negative response.
Whilst they waited (Oven the only one seemingly impatient), he lit a stick of cigarette and deeply inhaled the cancerous fumes. His eyelids fluttered slightly upon his exhale, feeling a tingle of relaxation start to build up. And no, he wasn't an addict. Really.
puru puru puru...
Roux blinked.
puru puru puru...
"Excuse me, I have to take this." he smiled apologetically at the triplets as he took out a baby den den mushi that was red in color with a cute mini-fedora on its shell. He then turned his back on the Charlotte children and took a couple of steps away in an act of privacy. The three could definitely still hear him due to their inhumane sense of hearing, but Roux paid that no mind. If he truly needed privacy, he could always... Oh, wait. Roci wasn't here. Fuck.
Kachap
"This is Daemon Red speaking, may I know who is on the line?" He greeted as per routine even as he took a drag afterward to soften his irritation at his missing PA.
People might call him rude for answering his 'phone' whilst in the presence of another, but calls from this particular baby snail can't be ignored. He was, after all, reputed to be a workaholic - and this was his business 'phone'. Never has he not answered before.
"C-Calliope. Musik Calliope." The woman's musical voice was trembling as she answered.
"And how may I be of assistance, Musik-sama?" He made sure that his voice was soft and inviting as if he was someone kind and trustworthy.
"I, I need to know who k-killed my sons." She stuttered, her breath hitching.
Ah. This was probably another civilian. An uncommon customer but a customer nonetheless. He would reject no one if he could help it. Unless he could not provide them with accurate intel then he would refer them to some of his fellow Informants who dealt with more mundane matters. And yes, to Roux, deaths were a pretty common occurrence in his line of work.
"I offer my sincerest of condolences, madam." He voiced with as much genuineness as he could manage. Which was none, if one cared to look underneath his polite and gentlemanly facade. "I know this is painful, but I will need to ask you a few questions, most of which would be regarding their murders - if you could provide me with any details, it would be much appreciated." And would make his job much easier.
"Y-yes."
"Worry not, Musik-sama, you need not be nervous when speaking with me. Take a deep breath... Now exhale... Excellent. Now, may I know which sea you hailed from as well as your island's name?" He placed the baby den den mushi atop one of the many wooden posts of the dock, bit his cigarette, and took out a small A5-sized notebook and a ballpoint pen, his hand poised to jot down any and all clues related to the murder.
He didn't truly need to write anything down due to his eidetic memory, but it was a habit of his since these were mainly used for the purpose of triggering a specific memory rather than actual memorization due to him having to constantly push useless memories to the back of his mind.
"... Haa... I'm from Toroa Island - West Blue."
He let loose an encouraging sound from the back of his throat, "Yes I've been there before. Lovely island. The residents are all musically inclined if I am not wrong."
Good. The bugs he placed there were still active so he might be able to 'solve' the mystery of who murdered her sons.
She breathed in shakily, "Yeah... For many generations, we have been musicians."
"What instruments do you and your family play, Musik-sama?" He asked gently whilst inwardly sighing in boredom. Why do gentlemen need to be so understanding? He would rather be like Sherlock Holmes. Blunt and insensitive.
"I sing. My b-boys, they - sniff - both played the violin. They're twins, you see, and... inseparable. They would do everything together. Same interests and hobbies, too." The grieving mother stifled a sob as she continued on. "Pranks were something he liked to play as well. Always teasing our grouchy neighbor..."
"How old are they? They sound energetic."
"Thirteen. Yeah. They are- were. They were very energetic."
Roux tilted his fedora forward so that it shadowed his eyes. He took a long drag from his cancerous stick as inner-Roux went around his brain to flip through his memories, replaying all the bug recordings in the last thirteen years at triple the speed.
"Are their names Banjo and Bard?" He suddenly asked as inner-Roux nudged a bug recording to the forefront of his mind. Of an audio of two children giggling loudly as a man's voice screeched about 'ungrateful brats that need to be disciplined' and 'unamusing japes', their voices getting gradually softer as they moved further away from that one bug.
"... How-?!" She startled with a gasp.
"I'm an informant, Musik-sama. I know things. Most of them unfortunately not pleasant." He smirked as he tucked his notebook away. "Can I confirm with you that you found their bodies just yesterday?"
"Y-yes...!"
"Alright. I know who the culprit is."
"Y-you do?! Please! Tell me, please, Daemon-sama!" She desperately pleaded, the baby den den mushi's eyes going wide and wild - showing Roux how thirsty she was for revenge.
Ah, what a truly horrible world they all lived in.
Roux had to shake his head at the Marines posted on that island. They were a disappointment. They were supposed to be the 'law enforcement' of this world, yet they pretended that everything was alright. He wanted nothing more than to shake Sengoku and force the man to open his eyes and see how lacking his subordinates were. Especially when they were not audited often. Once every three years was not enough!
"Of course," he reassuringly said, before his voice took on a sharp edge. "After I am paid."
The den den mushi closed its eyes, facial features going slack with exhaustion, "H-how? How much? And how am I to pay you?"
"The life of a human is cheap, milady. Human slaves are worth at least 500,000 Beli. More if their abilities are of use. Now, because I only sell information, I care not what you do with them. 250,000 Beli is my one and only offer. Do we have an accord, Musik-sama?" He spat his cigarette filter from his lips, crushed it beneath his leather shoes, picked up the snail, and gently placed it on his palm.
"2... 250,000 B-beli?!" She sputtered in disbelief, then her voice changed to anger. "That's daylight robbery! And how do I even know if you're giving me the correct culprit?!"
"Believe me or not, Musik-sama, I have enough proof that that person is the one who killed your sons. If you refuse payment, I will refuse my services. If that is all, I will hang up now."
"W-w-wait!" Roux hummed loud enough to indicate that he was listening. "I'll, I'll pay. How do I pay you? Are you nearby?"
"Wise choice, madam. I'm sure justice will be served if you were to give the evidence I provide to the proper authorities." He smiled. "Simply deliver my service charge to the village elder. He will know what to do. Once I have received his call, I will then pass along the evidence to you."
At seeing Brûlée walking towards her brothers from the corner of his eyes, Roux pressed his lips into a thin line of impatience.
"We will talk at a later time, Musik-sama. I'm afraid my attention is needed elsewhere." He was tempted to just hang up, but he stifled the urge and waited 'patiently' for her to do so first. Damn Earth customs of never hanging up on a customer.
"R-right. Thanks. I, uh, no... nevermind. Just, thank you, Daemon-sama."
"It was a pleasure doing business with you, Musik-sama. Have a good day."
Putting away the baby den den mushi, he turned on his heels with a gentleman smile already glued to his face and walked towards the four Charlotte children.
Katakuri has his narrowed eyes open, and before Roux got the chance to open his mouth to greet the mirror lady and ask for a detour, the perfect big brother spoke, "Brûlée. We'll be going to Komugi Island to fetch his subordinate first."
Roux blinked.
Ah. The infamous foresight. Fascinating, but at the same time, completely annoying when done to him.
"Yes, onii-chan." Brûlée nodded in compliance and led the group to a mirror nearby.
Traveling through the Mirro-World was a very unique experience. And dizzying. What with those annoying wiggly designs and disgusting choice of patterned wallpaper and flooring. Not to mention how irritating it felt to be a normal sized human when surrounded by those triple his height.
He first thought that the height difference between Luffy and Katakuri was hilarious whilst he was watching the anime, but when walking next to them in real life, Roux only came up to the Sweet Commander's knee... It wasn't funny at all. And he had to speed walk to stay on the same pace as them. Fuck.
When they (finally) went out of a mirror connected to Komugi Island, Roux couldn't be happier that it was near the hotel they were staying at. Katakuri then suddenly stopped walking not a few steps after leaving the Mirro-World. His brothers and sister looked at him with confusion, but he merely turned to Roux with an intense look in his eyes.
... Ok. Fucking overpowered Kenbunshoku Haki...
He smiled politely as he flared his Haki slightly to alert Roci and have his PA come to him.
As soon as he did, however, Oven reacted almost violently, his gloves glowing orange with intense heat, whilst Daifuku had a hand ready to rub his own body (as dirty as it sounds), and Brûlée already having a mirror out as if to trap Roux as soon as she felt it was needed. Only Katakuri was relaxed.
"I apologize. It was not my intention to startle you. I am only calling for my wayward Personal Assistant. He should be here in a minute or so." They still looked at him with suspicion, but after seeing how their (second) eldest brother wasn't spearing Roux any time soon, they loosened their tensed muscles.
Oven clicked his tongue in annoyance as he crossed his arms, even going as far as to give Roux the stink eye. What a petulant brat! So cute.
Daifuku nodded. Even though his face was like those Japanese delinquents, he didn't act rebellious or cranky - quite the opposite, actually. So cute...
Brûlée kept her mirror away even as she took a step closer to her 'onii-chan'. Roux felt she was quite the adorable child. Her relationship with Katakuri was the closest, and he could see how they cared for each other more than any other of their siblings.
It was a moment later that a tall (though still only half the height when compared to the Charlotte triplets) man in a pristine navy three-piece suit and a matching fedora, polished dress shoes, a pair of white gloves, and a silver briefcase in hand came sauntering over to them. The lower half of the man's face was covered by a fluffy pink scarf and his eyes shadowed by the brim of his fedora, making him unidentifiable. The only reason why the group didn't react negatively was due to the red smiley face badge pinned on the left side of his fedora.
When Roci was near enough, he sped up and stood to the right of Roux, but slightly behind to show that he was 'merely a subordinate' rather than a person Roux treasured considerably.
Roux smiled in a gentlemanly manner as he gestured to his PA, "My PA; Quijote Dapple. Don't mind his silence. Dapple-kun, these are - from oldest to youngest - Charlotte Katakuri, Daifuku, Oven, and Brûlée." He waved to each and every single one of them as he introduced them to his PA.
His PA bowed slightly in greeting without a word.
Not long after they were back again in the Mirro-World, traveling to Whole Cake Island.
Even as he continued to have his poker face on, he knew that with every step he took, more and more cold sweat was breaking through his skin. Not that he wasn't happy to see his old friend again after so long... But that crazy ass personality of hers was something he was not looking forward to experiencing again.
As soon as he left the Mirro-World, he was bodily grabbed and lifted, his whole right side being rubbed against a chubby cheek whilst his fedora had flown to who knows where. He just knew his hair right now was a tangled mess and his suit crumpled beyond help.
His expression has already twisted into horrified embarrassment as he was continuously cheek rubbed as Linlin squealed and twirled around, her death grip on him leaving him unable to escape her grasp. Curse his weak physical strength!
"Welcome welcome welcome, Red! It's so good to see you again after so long! Haaaaaahahamamamama~!" Linlin cackled gleefully even as her four children stared at her with wide eyes, and Roci looking panicked behind of them.
"... It's, uh, great to... urp... see you again, Lin-sa... hurp... sama..." He tried to match her jolly tone, but as his face changed to green, he could only continue to fight back the bile from leaving his throat.
Ah... Fuck... Why did he have to have such a weak stomach too...