It's a peaceful morning at the Kettle Cottage. Kettle walks up the stairs, passing by many pictures of him in his youth. With a skip in his step, he whistles a merry tune as he walks down the hall. He takes a moment to admire his war medals and salutes his helmet. He walks to the door to Cuphead and Mugman's room.
"Yoo-hoo! Boys! Breakfast is ready!" Elder Kettle said.
"Be right there, Elder Kettle!" said Cuphead and Mugman behind the door.
The kettle is about to walk away until he hears the boys talking amongst themselves.
"Isn't he the greatest?" Mugman said.
"Yeah. I can't believe how full of life he is, especially for his age." Cuphead said.
'Oh, my boys,' Elder Kettle thought happily.
"Don't ya just love him?" Mugman said.
"Mugman." Elder Kettle whispered beaming with joy.
"Eh. I'm still in the "like" stage." Cuphead said.
Kettle gasps. "Cuphead!" he whispered.
"What's not to love?!" Mugman said.
Kettle nods.
"Well, for one thing, he's dirty, filthy, and disgusting!" Cuphead said.
Kettle gasps again and inspects his gloves.
"He can't help the way he is. Now let's eat. I'm starvin'!" Mugman said.
Kettle gasps and tiptoes away hurriedly. He accidentally gets hit in the face with the overhead lamp hanging from the ceiling. He grunts and sucks his teeth as he walks down the stairs and heads into the kitchen. Kettle grabs a pot and looks at his reflection. He smacks his lips.
"Maybe I am disgusting." He said sadly.
He spots a bottle of JIMBO'S SPIT SHINE polish and a rag. He takes the bottle and adds a few drops of the polish to the rag. He rubs it into his arm and his arm sparkles. He pours some of the polish over his head, drinks the rest of it down, throws away the empty bottle, and uses the rag to rub the polish over the rest of his body.
Cuphead and Mugman walk into the kitchen. A bright light shines on them, and their pupils burn up in their eyes. They cover their eyes.
"My eyeballs are on fire!" Mugman screamed.
"Why is it so bright?!" Cuphead yelled.
Kettle is now shiny and silvery.
"Just your dear Elder Kettle looking his shiny best." He said. "Not a single speck or smudge. No, sirree!" He places two plates of bacon and eggs on the table as the boys sit down on their chairs.
"Hope you love it." He said to Mugman lovingly. "Hope it's in the "like" stage." He said to Cuphead angrily.
The boys looked confused.
"What's with him?" Cuphead asked Mugman. The mug just shrugs while eating.
"Get a load of this shine, would ya?" Kettle said with a chuckle. "I..." he takes a step, not noticing the bottle of polish on the floor, suddenly he slips and lands with a thud. He groans with a broken flowerpot on his head. "E-Everything's fine!" He said standing with a strained smile on his face. "Still shiny!" he lifts the pot, and a layer of dirt flows over him. He coughs.
Suddenly, the phone starts ringing.
"I got it!" Cuphead yelled excitedly. He rushes to the phone before anyone can respond. He picks up the phone. "Hello. Oh hey, buddy! Listen, can you come over? Great! See ya soon," he hangs up the phone. "Mugsy, it was Bendy, he's coming over."
Mugman quickly finishes his eggs and bacon followed by Cuphead.
"Thanks for breakfast," Mugman said before leaving.
"See you later, Elder Kettle," Cuphead said before leaving too.
Kettle rubs the dirt out of his eyes and is now back to his non-shiny self.
"Aw, that didn't go well," Kettle said with a sigh. "Wonder what they're saying about me now."
The floorboard creaks as Kettle sneaks up to the boys' room. He places a glass cup against the door and listens in.
"Looks like we were wrong about how great he's doing," Mugman said.
"Yeah, he's gone downhill," Cuphead said. "We gotta do something fast."
Kettle gasps.
"Did you hear a gasp?" Cuphead asked.
Kettle gasps louder and steam comes out of his nose. He falls on his face and then gets up.
"Uh, sorry about that, boys." He said. "I just gasped twice and fell down. But I'm fine! I'm walking away now! Toodle-oo!" he hums, taking some silent steps in place before quieting down. He puts the glass cup against the door again and listens.
"Let's be realistic, Mugsy. I don't think we can take care of him anymore." Cuphead said.
"Are you suggesting that we send him away?" Mugman said.
"Send me away?" Kettle whispered worriedly.
"No. I think we should give him a chance." Mugman said.
"Look, would you feel better if we get a second opinion?" Cuphead asked.
"Sure, but from who?" Mugman asked.
"Bendy! When he comes over, we'll ask him to look him over, and see what he thinks."
"Like observe him?"
"Exactly!"
Kettle gasps and runs down the hall. He bumps into the overhead lamp again on his way to the stairs. He bumps into a few of his pictures.
Mugman walks towards Kettle. "Elder Kettle? Are you okay?" he asked. Cuphead steps next to him.
Kettle's nose whistles. "Never been better! Just rearranging a few things before your friend arrives," he said.
"Here, let me help you," Mugman said.
Kettle flinches back. "Ah! Shoo! Scat! I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own." He said.
"Are you okay, Elder Kettle?" Cuphead asked.
"I'm not old!" Kettle yelled. He runs away, bumps into the lamp, groans while rubbing his head, and walks down the stairs.
Cuphead and Mugman shrug their shoulder as they looked at each other before going back to their room.
Elder Kettle is outside now, pulling a tire across the yard. He suddenly hears someone whistling. He turns and sees kitten Bendy walking around the gate.
"Uh, yoo-hoo! Bendy!" Kettle called out.
Bendy turns his head and sees Kettle.
"Oh, hi Mr. Kettle," Bendy said. "I was just about to-"
"Hold that thought," Kettle said interrupting. "Oh, boys!"
Cuphead and Mugman open their window.
"Okay you three, watch this." Kettle said cracking his knuckles.
He rubs his hands before straining to lift the tire. It takes a few seconds and a lot of air puffing before he's able to lift the tire over his head. His arms lean to the left.
CRACK
Kettle's face turns red and his nose whistles. He falls back and grunts.
"Ta-da!"
"What are you doing?" Cuphead asked.
"Do you need some help?" Bendy asked.
"You poor elderly thing," Mugman said.
"I'm not hurt. Not one bit. I'm hip." Kettle said still on the ground.
CRACK
"My hip!" Kettle said with a yelp.
Bendy walks closer to Kettle. "Here, let me-"
Kettle shoos him away. "No! Shoo! I'm fine! Now you get inside! And you two, close the window or... or you're all grounded!"
Bendy rushes inside and the brothers shut the window.
Kettle groans as he gets up. "Aw, dishwater. Now what are they gonna say about me?" he wondered.
Kettle grabs a ladder and rests it against the cottage, close to the window to the boys' room. He climbs the window, peaks inside, and sees a makeshift tent inside. He sees the silhouettes of Cuphead, Mugman, and Bendy inside the tent.
"So Bendy what do you think?" Cuphead asked.
"I'm not gonna lie fellas," Bendy said. "He's weak and out of shape."
"No need to be so harsh," Mugman said.
"But it's true," Bendy said.
"He's right, Mugsy," Cuphead said.
Inside the tent, the boys are sitting on the floor, a bunch of medical supplies strewn around them and in the middle, there's a pan. In the pan, there's a cookie and a sickly worm.
"I know you love him, but what other option is there?" Cuphead asked Mugman. "I mean, look at him."
The worm twitches weakly. Mugman's eyes are wet with tears.
"He used to be so full of life, but now..." Mugman said. "You're right, fellas. We need to put him out of his misery."
Kettle gasps and he starts to sweat.
"We should do it sooner rather than later," Cuphead said.
"He's not gonna suffer, is he?" Mugman asked.
"Don't worry, I know how to make it quick and painless," Bendy said.
Kettle gasps again. He was so stunned by what he heard that he barely noticed the ladder was falling backward until his head hit the ground with a thud.
Kettle, looking dirty and scuffed, is in his bed groaning. Cuphead, Mugman, and Bendy are standing by his bed.
"Poor Elder Kettle," Mugman said.
"What the heck was he doing up that ladder anyway?" Bendy wondered.
"Maybe fixing the roof?" Cuphead said.
"Is that safe for him?" Bendy asked. "At his age,"
"Elder Kettle may be old, but he never slows down. He's so full of life!" Cuphead said proudly.
"Not like this poor little guy," Mugman said holding up the worm.
Bendy taps the worm with his finger and squeezes it gently with one finger curled around it. He closes his eyes and shakes his head sadly. Cuphead and Mugman close their eyes sadly. Mugman closes his hands around the worm while Bendy wraps an arm over his and Cuphead's shoulders.
"C'mon, let's go take care of this," Bendy said.
The boys walk out of the room.
Kettle groans and wakes up in a daze.
"What are we gonna do with his body?" Cuphead asked.
With another gasp, Kettle lays back on his bed. He can see their shadows.
"Well, there's a variety of things we could do," Bendy said. "We could bury him out at sea. We could cut up the body and bury the pieces in the backyard. And or we could just burn the body."
Kettle sweats and imagines all of these things done to him. He squeals with fright.
"I kinda like the burning idea," Cuphead said.
"Couldn't we just bury him in the backyard?" Mugman asked.
"Sure Mugsy, at least that way, we'll always be with us," Cuphead said.
"If that's what you guys want then fine," Bendy said. "I'll just need to grab a few things, you two get the shovels,"
"Okay," Mugman said.
The boys left. Kettle pounds his fists against the comforter.
"They're gonna kill me!" Kettle yelled, "Oh where did things go so wrong?!"
He sees a picture of Cuphead and Mugman on his nightstand. He frowns and slams the picture down.
"Traitors." He said angrily. "Get it together, Kettle. They're just three little boys. You're a decorated war hero!"
He marches out of his room and finds his army stuff. He puts on his helmet, and his army shirt, pins a medal on his chest, and grabs his sword. He looks out the window and sees Cuphead and Mugman digging a hole.
"Keep digging, boys," Kettle said ominously. "Better make that hole big enough for three."
"Phew! That oughta do it." Cuphead said wiping his brow.
"Okay," Bendy said. "I couldn't find a robe, but I found this neat cape and also this," He opens a heavy book.
"Is that the instruction manual for our fridge?" Mugman asked.
"Yeah, I can't hold that other book," Bendy said before wrapping the cape over his shoulders and clearing his throat. "Dearly departed, we are gathered here today to say goodbye to Cuphead and Mugman's beloved pet earthworm. His life has ended but he will not be forgotten... for at least a few days,"
Mugman gingerly places the worm in the hole.
"Now's the time to say a few words," Bendy asked.
"Sure," Cuphead said. "Shoelace, mailbox, slingshot, octopus, bagel, lipstick..."
"Can we just bury the earthworm already?" Mugman said.
The cups shovel dirt over the body.
"And now a moment of silence to honor his passing," Bendy said.
The boys bow their heads. Suddenly, there's a squeaking noise coming from the dirt. The boys open their eyes and see the earthworm poke his head out of the dirt.
"Ah! Nothing like the taste of fresh soil." Earthworm said.
The boys gasp.
"He's alive!" Cuphead, Mugman, and Bendy said together.
"Thanks for not cremating me, Cuphead, Mugman, and Bendy. I really appreciate that." Earthworm said. "So long, fellas!" he salutes before diving back into the dirt.
"It's a miracle!" Cuphead and Mugman said excitedly.
"Does this mean the reception is canceled? Cause I'm getting kinda hungry," Bendy said.
"We can get you a snack, Bendy," Cuphead said.
"Let's go to the kitchen," Mugman said. "And when Elder Kettle wakes up, we can tell him the good news!"
The boys laugh merrily as they walk into the cottage. But before they can step in through the door, Mugman stops the rest from getting in.
"Wait!" Mugman yelled.
"Hey, what gives?" Cuphead asked.
"You almost tripped on something," Mugman said.
"Piano wire?" Cuphead said strumming the wire tied across the floor.
"And is that... a tiger trap in the living room?" Mugman asked.
"And look! The stairs are all greased up," Bendy said.
"This whole room is booby-trapped," Mugman said.
Indeed, there were booby traps all around the living room. There are mouse traps, bear traps, landmines, trenches, and tiger traps on the floor. The piano and an anvil hanging on the ceiling with ropes. And loaded crossbows on the walls.
"What is all this?" Mugman asked.
"Like what you see, boys?" came an eerie voice.
The boys look up and see Elder Kettle at the top of the stairs. Half of his face is hidden in the shadows.
"Is that you?" Cuphead asked.
"Elder Kettle?" Mugman asked.
"That's right!" Kettle said stepping out of the shadows. "And guess what? You'll never take me ali–" He starts to slip on the greasy stairs and trips. He bumps against the wall, falls off the stairs, and lands on a coffee table.
"Ooh!" Said Cuphead, Mugman, and Bendy.
Kettle groans as he gets back on his feet. "I'm okay." He said wearily. "Still got the upper hand." He stumbles backward and trips over a wire. "Uh-oh." A crossbow on the wall shoots three arrows and the arrows hit Kettle. "Ow! Oh, boy! That really smarts!" He accidentally steps on a bear trap which snaps over his leg. "Ow! My leg!" he then steps on another trap. "My other leg!" he screamed.
Cuphead and Mugman watch in horror and then close their eyes every time Kettle cries out in pain but Bendy watches in fascination.
BOOM
Kettle screams as he's tossed around by the exploding land mines. Bendy's eyes light up with wonder.
"It's like a ballet of pain," Bendy whispered.
Kettle lands on the ground and grunts. He tries to get back up.
"I'm still okay." He said warily.
Suddenly the piano drops right on top of him.
"Elder Kettle! Elder Kettle!" Cuphead and Mugman cried out as they ran to Kettle.
Bendy pushes the piano off the kettle. Elder Kettle lifts his head and looks at the boys.
"Please! Please don't kill me." Kettle pleaded.
"What are you talking about?" Cuphead asked.
"I heard what you said," Kettle answered. "I'm dirty and old and weak, and you're gonna put me out of my misery, burn me, and bury my ashes in the backyard!" he starts crying.
"What?!" the boys said.
"No!" Mugman said. "We weren't talking about you."
"We were taking care of our pet worm," Cuphead said.
Kettle splutters. "A worm?!" he yelled. "So, you weren't trying to kill me?"
Cuphead, Mugman, and Bendy help Kettle get back on his feet.
"Kill you? You're our Elder Kettle." Cuphead said.
"We love you," Mugman said.
Kettle bushes and smiles. "Aw! I love you, boys, too." He said. He grabs the boys and hugs them tightly.
Bendy is just standing at the sides. Kettle sees this and holds his hand out to the kitten. Bendy accepts what he thought was a handshake, but Kettle pulls him in to join the hug. Kettle lets the boys go after a few seconds.
"I feel silly now," Kettle said. He walks backward as he talks. "To imagine that I thought that you three were gonna kill—" he took too many steps and falls into the tiger trap with a thud. He groans after he lands.
The boys look into the trap.
"Yikes," Mugman said. "He's not looking so hot."
"I guess we could bury him in the backyard," Cuphead said.
"Cremation anyone?" Bendy suggested.
"I'll get the shovels, Cuphead, look for the matches," Mugman said.
A/U; Hi everyone, some news; You might have noticed there's been a change. The Index chapter is gone, well, I decided to delete it because the list of episodes kept changing (for me). From now on the next chapter will either be canon to the show, or I'll throw in a surprise chapter.
Also, I'm going on vacation next week and I won't be able to write. So, I won't be posting a new chapter next week. But don't worry, the story will resume on June 4th. Have a nice day/night