Chapter 3: Welcome Home
Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno, Gainax, and Tatsunoko Productions. I only own the characters I made up.
I sit in my entry plug, tired and slightly irritated. The amber-colored liquid burns the inside of my nose. Its taste stains my tongue, forever leaving its metallic presence in my mouth. My hands become numb from gripping the two control handles too hard. Sweat exits my pores and dissolves into the surrounding LCL. Fatigue is eating away at me, breaking down any resolve I have left in this battle. I mentally prepare myself for the worst as my incoming target approaches. An Angel.
Its spindly arms swing from side to side as it walks in my direction. The creature is completely disproportionate. Its twig-like arms hangs from two massive shoulders. It stands on two legs which look too thin to support this top-heavy creature. A red orb, the core, is situated on its "chest" with a mask (face?) slightly above the orb. The mask is white, has two eye sockets and a bird-like beak. The mask in question, starts emitting a yellow-orange light from its two eye sockets.
That's not good.
Sheer! ! !
A beam of light shoots from the Angel's eyes and is heading straight for me! I will my Eva to quickly avoid the incoming attack. Despite my sluggish movements, I manage to safely avoid the death beam. I ran to put some space between the Angel and myself. When I'm at a comfortable distance, I will my Eva to lift its rifle and take aim. Taking a few quick breaths of LCL, I pull the trigger in my right control handle. The Eva, in turn, shoots a few rounds at the Angel. A few of the rounds hit the creature, but I missed the only target that actually matters. Shit!
"Michael, you need to focus. The core is where you should be aiming at," Dr. Akagi, who I later learned was called Ritsuko, reminds me over the Eva's internal radio.
"Shut up!" I snap at her. "Don't you think I already know that?!"
I return my attention back to the Angel and see it's now running towards me. I command my Eva to aim at the creature's core, but something's wrong. The Eva's movements are so sluggish it can't aim properly. What rounds manage to hit the Angel misses the core entirely. Why the hell is this robot moving so fucking slow? It's like it has input lag or something!
The Angel's getting too close for comfort. I attempt to escape, but the input lag is so bad the Eva can't even move quickly. The creature tackles my Eva and pins it to the ground. The impact sends me into a daze momentarily. When I can see straight again, there's a giant hand encompassing my Eva's head. The hand starts squeezing the Eva's metallic skull. This causes me to feel pressure building around my head. It's not a pleasant feeling.
Suddenly, the palm of the Angel's hand glows red. The red light quickly increases in intensity and disappears as I feel something crash into my left eye.
"Fuck!" I say out loud. The impact didn't really hurt, it just caught me off guard.
I once again see the light, and once again I feel something crash into my left eye.
"Michael! You need to move!" Ritsuko practically yells over the radio.
"I'm trying!" I really am! I'm moving the control handles erratically and pushing every button on sight! Hell, I'm even kicking some of the controls hoping it'll fix whatever's wrong with this thing! Luckily, Nerv built the entry plugs to last or else I might've accidentally broken something. Seriously, why the hell won't this thing move?!
A crack appears on the display screen.
Oh no.
I see the red light one last time as the screen goes black.
I let out a sigh of relief. Thank god it's all over. A holographic screen appears to my right displaying Ritsuko's face.
"Congratulations Mr. Hart," she says sarcastically, "If this were a real Angel attack, you would be dead."
"Thanks for the confidence booster," I respond with equal sarcasm. "It's not my fault the stupid robot stopped working."
"You panicked which caused your synchronization ratio to drop significantly," she says matter-of-factly. "You can't keep losing control whenever you feel you're being threatened. It's going to get you killed when you face a real Angel."
"Hmph. This just proves I'm not fit to be a pilot. So maybe instead of doing these tests, you should focus on getting me home!"
"We're doing the best we can on that front. But we're going to need your continued cooperation if you want us to help. Do you think you can do that?" I stare at the holographic screen, a scowl etched on my face. I eventually relent and nod. "Good. We're done with the battle simulation for today. Go wash up and return to the lab. As usual I'm going to be taking blood, hair and urine samples."
"Yeah whatever." I respond. I hate it when she does that. I press a button which forces the entry plug halfway out of the Eva and exit the vessel. I spend a good few seconds forcing the LCL out of my lungs. Through a series of coughs and forced exhales, I get out as much liquid as possible. The rest will be absorbed into my body. It's a pain in the ass. Dripping with the amber liquid, I casually walk out of the battle simulation room and head for the showers.
Few minutes later, I'm standing in the shower, gladly free of that purple plugsuit. I don't care how many times I wear that thing, I'll never get used to how tight it is. A sigh escapes my lips as I attempt to wash the smell of LCL out of my dreadlocks. But no matter how long I bathe, no matter how much I scrub my body, the metallic smell always remains. The smell may be faint, but I always notice its presence. It's just something I'm going to have to get use to, as much as I hate to admit it. That's not even mentioning the iron taste in my mouth, which ruins the already crappy food I have to eat here. As the warm water rolls over my body, I take a moment to think about the past few weeks.
Three weeks. It's been three fucking weeks! That's how long I've been stranded here! I gave up on the "this is all a dream" theory after realizing this "dream" is lasting too long. The dread of knowing I'm far from home added to my unpleasant experience here. The day after I came here has been nothing but test after horrible test. Some of the tests would be battle simulations, which I always failed at. Other tests were psychological, which forced me to answer some very personal and uncomfortable questions. Probably the worst of my time here was having Dr. Mad Scientist constantly scrap me for samples. I hate her so much. She treats me like a fucking guinea pig every time I meet her. She pretends she cares for my well-being, but really she could care less. I'm just another subject to her and I hate that!
Another problem I've been facing during my time here is school. Yeah, apparently I have to go to school for some unknown reason. I have no doubt Nerv agents are stationed there to make sure I don't escape. But it still doesn't make sense why they would risk me running away by sending me to school! Anyway, the problem I'm having is I can't read kanji without giving myself a headache. That's odd considering I can understand Japanese completely fine (still wondering how that works). It makes zero sense how I can speak japanese yet can't read the language it's written in! Though, oddly enough, I can read Japanese if it uses the latin alphabet. Soooo. . .that's a plus. I guess?
I turn off the shower head and grab a towel to dry myself off. Looking around I can see this place was meant to be shared with multiple people. Thank goodness I'm the only one here. I walk over to a bench which has my clothes neatly folded on top of it. I take my time putting them on, trying to delay the inevitable. When I'm fully dressed, I mentally prepare myself for Ritsuko's experiments.
I really hate this place.
It's morning. I'm in the restroom brushing my teeth with the supplies Nerv provided. Afterward, I throw on my school's uniform all the guys have to wear. It's a buttoned up white shirt with black pants (the kind you would see on a suit), held up with a brown belt. Despite having to wear a school uniform, the teachers are surprisingly lenient towards students not adhering to the dress code. As long as they can see you're wearing the uniform, they won't say a thing. With this in mind, I put on my black hoodie and leave it unzipped. I pull my dreadlocks back and wrap a blue hair-band around them, keeping them together. Lastly, I put on my cross necklace and grab my school supplies. I exit my room and prepare for the school day.
I'm inside a black vehicle with one of the Nerv agents driving me to school. The agent drops me off a mile or two away from the school and leaves. So I have to walk the rest of the way towards my destination. I never understood why he does that. What, is he not supposed to be seen by the students? Is it some kind of convoluted security risk if he's seen? Whatever, I'm just lucky I get up early so I'm never late for class. Not that it matters, I'm pretty sure I'm a failing student.
Most of my time at school seems to fly by. I guess that happens when you pretty much zone out most of the lessons. It's not like the classes were boring per se, it's just there wasn't a point in doing any of the work. Since I can't read or write in the language, I'll end up failing regardless if I pay attention or not. The teachers must think I'm such a slacker, though not being able to read makes for the perfect excuse. My classmates are such a pain. They annoy me throughout the day. You'd think after three weeks of attending the school they'd get used to seeing a foreigner. Apparently not, because they continue doing the same shit they do everyday. They ask about my country, what kind of food I ate there, and other stupid questions. Hell, some of them asked if they could touch my hair which was extremely awkward. I know some might find enjoyment in being the center of attention. But being in the spotlight just annoys me. I prefer being alone.
Right now, the class is watching the history teacher drone on about the Second Impact. I usually enjoy history, but the teacher makes the subject sound soooo boring. The guy's so caught up in his speech he doesn't notice half the class isn't paying attention. Everyone's either asleep or are speaking to their friends. I on the other hand pretend I'm listening, mainly because I feel sorry for the old man.
Bleep!
Hmm? What was that?
I look at the school's red laptop sitting on my desk. On the screen I can see a new message has arrived in my inbox. All the students' laptops are connected to each other, it helps when doing group projects. So there's no doubt in my mind that one of my classmates sent the message. Welp, might as well see what he or she wants. I click on the message which opens a new page.
. . .
Kanji. . .What else did I expect?
Okay focus. The message is pretty short, so I should be able to decipher it. I strain my eyes to get a better look at the screen. I can tell it's a question, but the other words are giving me a headache. "Something, something, Eva pilot," that's all I can make out. Below the sentence are two clickable words. I can easily tell those words translate to "yes" and "no". Putting two and two together, I can tell the messenger is asking if I'm an Eva pilot. I click the "no" option which automatically sends the message. My attention goes back to the boring lesson.
I don't need to be in the spotlight.
Few minutes later, the class ends and lunch begins. I reluctantly pull a paper bag out of my backpack and look inside. A ham sandwich and bottled water. . .fuck. You'd think Nerv would mix things up a bit instead of giving me the SAME FUCKING THING EVERYDAY! ! ! I sigh and stuff the bland sandwich in my mouth. After washing down the taste with warm water, I throw the empty bag in the trash and walk out the classroom. I head to the roof to rest until class begins again. People rarely go up there, so it's the perfect place for me.
When I finally reach the roof, I take a moment to breathe in the fresh air. It never ceases to amaze me how pure the air is here, despite being so close to the city. Maybe the air seems fresh in comparison to the liquid I take into my lungs when piloting. The smell of air beats the smell of LCL any day. When I'm done appreciating the smell I scan the area. It's quiet and I'm the only one up here. Bits of broken concrete are littered around the place, though not by a significant amount. A chain linked fence surrounds the roof, silencing the threat of falling. The fence gives me the courage to get close to the edge of the roof. Now I can get a better look at the city.
It's actually quite nice to look at. The white buildings reflect the sun's yellow rays in such a way, it looks like I'm seeing a painting. There's little, if any, smog covering the city. Again, I'm surprised by the lack of pollution.
Tokyo-3 is a pretty nice place. Just wish I wasn't stuck here.
Kreeen!
Someone's at the door. Odd, no one usually comes up here. Hope whoever it is doesn't bother me.
I turn away from the city and see two kids standing next to the roof's entrance. One of them has brunette hair, thick lense glasses and is wearing the typical school boy's uniform. He has a look of. . .excitement? Why is he so happy?
The other kid is slightly taller. He has black hair and is wearing a coat of the same color. This kid doesn't look amused in the slightest. A scowl carves itself onto his face as he stares at me.
The two look familiar, but I can't remember why that is.
The brunette kid is practically shaking with excitement as he whispers something to the taller kid. The taller one just rolls his eyes as the brunette brings his attention to me.
"Hey!" greets the brunette.
"Uh, hey?" I replied, a bit confused. "Do I know you?"
"Nope!" the kid states proudly. "I'm Kensuke and this is my friend Toji. I gotta say, it's an honor to meet you!"
Honor?
"I admit I had my doubts. But after thinking about the timing of your arrival, there's no doubt about it! We have an actual Ev-"
"Cut the crap Kensuke," the taller kid, Toji, snaps at his friend. "We didn't come here to be buddies with this guy."
Toji points a finger towards me. "You're an Eva pilot! Aren't ya?!"
I don't like his tone.
"Toji calm down," Kensuke says a bit too casually, "Don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit."
Toji ignores Kensuke and quickly walks towards me. "Answer the question!"
". . .No," I reply calmly, "I'm not an Eva pilot."
"Quit lying!" yells Toji. "A few weeks ago an Eva wrecked the city! Days later you show up out of nowhere!"
"Ever heard of a coincidence?"
"Don't screw with me! You ain't foolin' anyone!" The guy grabs me by my shirt's collar, "It doesn't take a genius to put two an' two together."
Who the hell does he think he his? I grab his wrist and twist it which causes him to let go. Using my other arm, I push Toji away from me. Now I have room to move.
I take a moment to think about what to do next. He doesn't buy that I'm not a pilot, so there's no point in keeping it a secret. "Fine, I'm an Eva pilot. Why the hell does it matter?"
Toji glares at me, malice carved on his face. "Why does it matter? Your robot wrecked the city! You put a lot of people in the hospital, including my sister! ! !"
Wait, his sister's in the hospital? Shit, no wonder he isn't thinking straight. "Look, I'm sorry about your sister. But it wasn't my fault. I wasn't pi-" I duck under Toji's right hook and push him away from me.
"Stand still!" he says as throws another punch.
I dodge his incoming attack and attempt to reason with him. "Idiot! I didn't put your sister in the hospital!" I dodge another punch. "I've never piloted an Eva outside of simulations! So I couldn't have destroyed the city!"
"Bullshit!"
He throws a few more punches my way and I dodge every single one. Multiple ways to diffuse the situation pop into my head, but I'm too focused on not getting hit to use those ideas. Eventually Toji leads me to the fence's corner, trapping me. Shit! He pushes me against the corner and knees me in the gut. As I'm struggling to breathe, a punch catches my left cheek. The impact knocks me on my hands and knees. I desperately cling to the ground in order to keep myself from collapsing completely. I can feel Toji's eyes burrowing into the back of my skull. He's studying me, seeing if I'll retaliate. Seemingly satisfied with my defeat, he walks off.
My body is shaking as I tense up. My heart beats faster as my breath becomes fire. I slowly get on my feet and glare at my attacker.
"You're such a fucking idiot!"
Toji stops walking then turns to me. "What you say?"
My brain is running a million miles an hour. Thoughts are passing by so fast they become a blur. The shaking increases as I continue my glare. Tunnel vision takes hold, increasing my focus. I want to hurt him! I want to make him regret that he ever messed with me! It takes everything I have to restrain myself.
"It's not my fault your fucking sister's in the hospital!"
A scowl returns to his face. "It's your robot, so it's your fault she's hurt!"
What's it gonna take to get through that thick skull? "If your sister's dumb enough to get in the middle of a battle then she deserved what she got! ! !"
Everything goes dead silent. Even the wind stops blowing, as if to proclaim something was wrong. It takes me a few seconds to realize what I just said. When it finally hits me, my heart nearly stops. Why did I say that?!
"W-wait. I didn't mean to-" a fist to the face interrupts me.
A stream of blood exits my nose. I cup my right hand over the wound to stop the bleeding. Toji tackles me to the ground and wildly throws punches towards my head. I throw my arms up to defend myself.
Stop it.
A punch bruises my right forearm.
Stop it!
Another connects to my gut.
Stop it! ! !
A punch manages to break my guard. Bruising my face.
STOP IT! ! ! ! !
Toji prepares to throw another punch but stops when I strike his throat. This stuns him long enough for me to notice a piece of concrete next to me. I grab the object and swing it full force against his head. The impact knocks him back and sends him into a daze. Bits of blood are sprinkle across his newly acquired wound, he doesn't seem to notice.
While he's on the ground, I kick him as hard as I can in the ribs.
"AHHHH! ! !" he screams in pain. I ignore it. I keep kicking until my leg gets tired. But I'm not done with him yet. Not by a long shot!
I use both hands to grab Toji's neck. When he attempts to loosen my grip, I punch him a few times to cease his struggling. I tighten my grip and he starts making weird noises.
"Fuck you! Fuck you! FUCK YOU! ! !" I scream at him.
I'm tired of this fucking school! I'm tired of Nerv, the Eva and the stupid tests! I'm tired of people judging me! I'm tired of people pretending to care about my well-being! ! ! I'm tired of this whole fucking world and I'm tired of being a scapegoat for people like him! ! ! I don't have to deal with your shit Toji! I don't have to deal with anyone's shit! ! ! If you want to fuck with me, then you can go ahead and die! ! ! !
Toji's eyes roll back into his skull as his face loses color. Drool bubbles up and spills out of his mouth. Disgusting.
My face hurts.
"Stop it! Get off him!" says an irritating voice. Ignore him.
Someone tries to pull me off of my victim. It's annoying. I momentarily release one of my hands from Toji's throat and swing it at the person trying to intervene. The impact of my attack sends the person flat on his back.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! ! !" I yell at the person.
The person struggles to get up and looks at me. Fear is painted all over Kensuke's face. It's an expression I've seen a few times in my life. It snaps the logical part of my brain back to reality. I look back to Toji and see he's barely conscious. Immediately I release my grip and stand up, hardly believing what I'm seeing.
What the hell was I thinking? If Kensuke hadn't stopped me, I could've. . . Damn it!
"I-I. . ." I try to apologize. But what would be the point? "I'm sorry" isn't going to magically fix what I almost did. So what is there left to do? . . . I need to go!
I ran back into the school and through the hallways. I'm hearing people telling me to stop, but I ignore them. I need to get out of this place! I need to be alone! I ran out the school's front doors and away from the school itself. Now I'm in the city, and I'm still running. I only stop when my legs get tired. Not caring about the potential dangers of the city, I decide to rest near a dark alley. When I'm fully settled there, tears stream down my face.
Smiling. I was smiling the whole time I was choking him. I was fucking enjoying it!
I scream into my hands as more tears are produced. What the hell is wrong with me?
It was dark out when Nerv agents finally found me. To be honest, I think they already knew my location. They probably left me alone as long as they did so I could cool off. Anyway, they brought me back to Nerv HQ. Surprisingly, they let me walk around the place when I asked to. They probably agreed to do so because I can be seen by the cameras. Currently, I'm in a cafeteria which is closed. Not that it matters, I'm not there for the food. I'm sitting at one of the tables closest to the windows and am staring outside.
It amazes me how little there is to see in the Geofront, despite it being the size of a city. There's only trees and lakes outside, no animals. The lack of sunlight makes it difficult to see some parts of the area. But it's like I said, there's barely anything out there.
I don't know how long I've been sitting here. It could be thirty minutes to an hour. Does it really matter if I know what time it is? If I'm "needed" somewhere, Nerv agents will come get me. A thought of the incident at school momentarily pops into my head. I quickly shove that thought to the back of my skull. Fuck this place.
"There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you."
I draw my attention away from the window to see a woman with long purple hair. She sports a red coat with a type of black sheath dress underneath. She has her arms crossed and has a friendly look on her face. Misato. I think that's her name.
"Mind if I keep you company?" she asks.
Without saying a word, I draw my attention back to the outside. She must've taken my silence as permission to stay. She walks to my side and stands about three or four seats away from me. She looks out the same window I'm staring out of, perhaps trying to see what I'm looking for. We both remain silent.
We stay like that for a good minute. She's constantly sneaking glances at me, like she wants to say something but is hesitating to do so. She lets out a sigh and eventually speaks.
"Rough time at school?"
"You could say that." Now leave. I want to be left alone.
"Want to talk about it?"
". . ."
Misato scratches the back of her head. "Listen I-"
"What is there to talk about?" I ask. "I got in a fight with someone and choked him out. End of story."
She studies my face, searching for something. What's she looking for? Remorse? Anger? I make sure to show no emotion. Perhaps she'll stop talking to me.
"Yeah, I heard about the fight," she says in a soft voice. "I just want to know what was going through your head. Why-"
"I don't want to talk about it," I tell her as my face turns away from her gaze. "I want to be left alone."
"Okay. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," pity evident in her voice. Don't look down on me! "I just want you to know I'm here if you need to talk."
I reach up to grab the cross hanging around my neck. My grip tightens around the object as I let out a chuckle. "Really? That's rich!"
Confusion displays itself on her face.
"I have a question for you," I tell her. "Why are you even speaking to me?"
"What do you mean?"
I meet my gaze with her's. "You think I didn't notice? During my time here, you've been actively avoiding me. Coming up with any excuse not to be around me, like I had some kind of disease. Like you were afraid of me or something. So why are you speaking to me now?"
". . ."
"I'll tell you why. It's because you thought my 'incident' at school would affect my ability to pilot. You wanted to make sure your little 'tool' was still useful."
Misato looked a bit hurt at what I said. "That's not it at all! It's just. . ."
She lingers at the last few words then shakes her head.
"Doesn't matter," she tells me. "Will you be okay?"
I get out of my seat and start walking. "I'll be fine, so leave me alone. I don't need yours or anyone's pity." I continue walking and head out of the cafeteria.
It's 12:30 pm and I'm back on the roof of the school. I stare at the sky, allowing my mind to lose itself among the clouds. Today was quiet and uneventful. I think the students are scared of me. Anytime I walk past a classmate they would go stiff. They probably know about the fight I had with Toji. How I almost killed him. Well, it doesn't matter. It just means the class will leave me alone, which is what I want. I don't need friends. I don't need anyone.
Kreeen!
Again? Who's up here this time?
"Pilot Hart. An Angel has been spotted."
That voice. I turn towards the person talking and see Rei standing near an open door.
"Why are you telling me?" I ask, not liking where this is going.
"All Eva pilots must return to Nerv in the event of an Angel attack," she explains.
I want to argue that I don't want to go anywhere, but stop myself. Nerv has got to be the safest place to be during a crisis, so I might as well go there. I gesture for Rei to lead the way as I get on my feet. She nods and quickly runs back into the school. I soon follow.
Rei and I are in a large room. We're standing on a metal floor with a pool of LCL at the front of the room. The place is filled with numerous machines. Engineers can be seen maintaining the aforementioned machines. A large window is located at the front of the room, a few stories off the ground. But the thing that would draw most people's attention is the Eva in the middle of the room. It's body is submerged to the shoulders in LCL. Metal structures are attached to its shoulders, keeping it locked in place. The purple giant is looking forward, eyes glowing white. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it's staring at me.
I look up and can make out Misato is standing behind the large window. I take a deep breath and prepare to raise my voice so she can hear me. "Why did you call me here?"
"You know why you're here," Misato tells me over a speaker.
"I'm not fighting that thing!"
"You have too. You're the only one who can."
I shut my eyes and feel my whole body tense up. I can't do this. I failed to kill a simulated Angel, so what chance do I have against a real one? It's suicide for me to fight that thing.
"I don't have to do shit!"
"What?"
I open my eyes and glare at her. "You heard me! If I fight that thing I'm going to die!" I point a finger at Rei. "If you want someone to kill that Angel, get Rei to do it!"
"She can't," Misato explains, "Rei is still injured. She'll die if she tries to pilot Unit-01."
"I don't care!"
"You don't mean that."
"WILL YOU SHUT UP! ! !" Everything becomes silent. I take this moment to calm down a bit. "The only reason I agreed to be your pilot was because your commander made it clear I had no choice! But that's a load of crap! ! ! I always had a choice!" I harden my look and clench my fists.
"I chose to endure the stupid tests and simulations! I chose to put up with Ritsuko treating me like a damn lab rat! ! ! I chose to endure all that shit because I was promised Nerv would find a way for me to get home!" I lift my hand and present three fingers. "I've put up with your crap for three weeks! And for three weeks no progress has been made on getting me home! Now you expect me to fight something that could kill me?! All for what?! For people I barely know?! For the 'good of all mankind'?!" My body starts shaking as my breathing increases.
"No! Fuck that, and fuck all of you! ! ! I don't owe you or this world a goddamn thing! ! !"
The room remains silent. Even at this distance, I can tell Misato wants to say something, but no words come out.
I'm done talking about this. I turn towards the exit and walk out of the room.
A few minutes pass as I walk down the white hallway. I'm honestly surprised that one's stopping me. You would think they would put up more resistance against a pilot refusing to fight. Gendo's probably gonna follow through on his threat. What am I going to do when that happens? I shake my head to get those unpleasant thoughts out. There's no use in worrying about it now. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
"Wait!" calls a voice.
I turn around to see Misato running towards me. She stops a few feet away from me and takes a moment to catch her breath.
"Leave me alone," I demand.
"Listen. I know it must be hard to have this responsibility thrown on you. But you're the only one who can do this."
"Not the only one," I respond.
"I already told you, Rei can't pilot right now!" She takes a deep breath then looks me dead in the eye. "If she dies and you refuse to pilot, there will be nothing to protect Tokyo-3 from the Angels."
"Why the hell should I care?" I snapped at her. And really, why should I? This place isn't my responsibility. I'm not some hero who swoops in and saves the day. I'm just some kid pulled into a shit situation. If I fight, I die. So might as well get someone else to do the job.
Misato sighs and shakes her head. "Michael, I know you're scared-"
"No shit!"
"But like it or not, you are humanity's last hope. If Nerv falls, everyone including you will die."
I go silent. This is a no win situation. If I fight, I will die. If I don't fight, then I still die! Dammit! Why the hell did this have to happen to me?
Misato's expression changes into a look of sympathy. "Look, if you don't want to get into the Eva then I won't force you." Breaks eye contact and looks away. Is she shaking? "I'm. . .never doing that again."
Her body becomes less tense as she looks at me once again. "I know you'll do the right thing."
Really? She's just going to let me decide the fate of the world? I look at the floor to hide my face. I don't understand. "What makes you so sure? You don't even know me."
A smile appears on her face. "Just call it women's intuition."
That's it? She thinks I'm going to do "the right thing" based on blind faith. How can she have so much faith in a person she barely knows? How can she have hope that a kid, who constantly failed every battle sim, can save the world? It doesn't make sense!
I instinctively grab the cross hanging around my neck and let out a nervous chuckle. She must really be desperate if she thinks I can win. This is borderline insane.
"Fine. I'll do it. I'll fight the Angel."
Her smile widens.
I'm inside the entry plug which is already inserted into the Eva. I move my arms a bit, attempting to make myself comfortable in the plugsuit. LCL pours into the entry plug, which is the worst part of being in an Eva. The liquid completely submerges me as I go into a meditative state, breathing it in. Despite being able to breathe in the LCL because it's oxygenated, it doesn't work immediately. When the liquid enters your lungs, you spend a few moments drowning until the oxygen reaches your brain. The first time that happened I nearly had a panic attack. So I learned to get myself into a trance while waiting for the oxygen to reach my brain.
When my breathing becomes stable, I prepare myself for the next step in activating the Eva. The liquid rapidly changes color in such a way, it gives me the illusion of falling. Eventually the LCL becomes completely transparent to a point it looks like it isn't there. The only evidence of its presence is the occasional air bubbles. The entry plug's display screen activates, allowing me to see through the Eva's eyes.
The last step is connecting my mind with the Eva. I close my eyes and try to imagine that the Eva and I are the same being. It's a strange feeling. I can feel the structures outside keeping the robot in place, keeping me in place. Any subtle movement the Eva makes reflects my own movements. It's like I'm in control of two bodies at the same time, and it's a completely natural feeling. I can even feel the Eva's breathing. . .does this thing breathe? What makes me uncomfortable is the feeling of not being alone. It's like there's another presence inside this robot and it's trying to burrow itself into my brain.
"How are you feeling Michael?"
"Fine," I tell Misato. "Let's just get this over with."
Everything starts shaking as I'm being lifted up to the launch pad. I hear metal locking my Eva in place, keeping it secure.
"Prepare for launch!"
Here we go!
An explosion can be heard as I'm rocketed to the surface. The sudden speed makes it feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. The constant shaking isn't helping either. I thought the LCL was supposed to dampen any g-forces the Eva would experience. It's not doing a good job because I'm getting a headache.
The ride eventually comes to a stop and I'm faced with two large metal doors. The doors slide open and the locks securing the Eva comes undone, freeing my movements. Immediately, I command my Eva to grab the umbilical cable near the launch platform and insert it into itself. Not needing to worry about power, I scan the city. Some of the buildings already retracted themselves into the ground, clearing up the battlefield. From my height, everything looks so small. Despite the impending doom I'll be facing, I'm smiling. I'm inside a GIANT FUCKING ROBOT! This is like every kid's wet dream! This thing can crush cars and destroy buildings! And this behemoth is under my control! I know I've piloted this thing multiple times in simulations. But to actually move it around in a real place, well. . .it's just a completely different feeling!
My moment of euphoria quickly changes to fear as I see a giant arthropod-like creature at a distance. It has a large head with two false eyes on top. Two arms near the head have whips of light extending from them. On its torso are eight insect-like legs situated slightly below its core. It's crimson red color sticks out among the white city buildings. It hasn't noticed me yet.
A building next to me opens itself to reveal an array of guns, each a different model. I grab the one that looks like an assault rifle (I think it's called the Pallet Rifle) and take aim at the Angel.
"Alright Michael. Do it just like you practiced," Misato tells me over the Eva's radio.
"Right," I respond. Just aim at the core.
I need to get closer to the thing. I can't afford to miss. Using the buildings as cover, I sneak towards the Angel. Each step is slow and deliberate. You'd think the Eva would make a lot of noise due to how big it is. But it makes little to no noise when being stealthy. I want to get in the Angel's blind spot, but I can't see its eyes. Unless. . . those false eyes on top of its head actually work. I don't see how, they look like they were painted on.
"Fuck it." This is as close as I'm going to get to the thing. I raise my rifle and take aim at the Angel's core. My chest is a beating drum and my body's all rigid. "Just breathe", I tell myself. I inhale deeply and let out a shaky exhale.
Fire.
The rifle comes to life as it breathes rounds of lead in the direction of the Angel. The bullets just bounce off an invisible force field. An A.T. Field. Seeing as I'm going nowhere with the rifle, I shoot at the ground kicking up black dust. With its vision impaired, I run and hide behind another building, far from the Angel.
I need to deal with that A.T. Field. But I can only do that if I match the frequency at which my bullets leave the rifle to the frequency of the A.T. Field. Or I can use brute force, but that means close quarters combat. I'm not getting any closer to that thing. I'll just wait until it reveals itself and try my luck at shooting it again.
Thwhip!
What?!
The building I was hiding behind falls to pieces, revealing the Angel.
"Shit!" I will my Eva to jump to its feet and run. Buildings around me fall to pieces as I dodge each one of the Angel's light whips. If one of those things hit me I'm done for. I turn around momentarily and shoot at the creature while running. The bullets just bounce off it's A.T. Field as it continues its assault. Dammit!
"Michael! Use your Progressive Knife to neutralize its A.T. Field!" Misato orders.
"Are you kidding me?" I tell her. "I'm not getting close to that thing!"
"You don't have a choice! That Angel's going to catch up to you sooner or later! So you might as well deal with it now!"
She's right. I can't move as fast as that Angel so I can't escape it. My rifle can't get through its A.T. Field so I might as well use the knife.
While running, I extracted my Progressive Knife from the Eva's left shoulder pylon. I turn to face the incoming Angel. Here goes nothing.
Thwhip! Thwhip! Thwhip!
I dodge the incoming attacks using the surrounding buildings as cover. In my Eva's left hand is the Pallet rifle. I clumsily aim the rifle at where the Angel is standing and fire. Dust is kicked up, obscuring its vision. Two light whips exit the improvised smoke screen and attempt to attack me. But I'm no longer there. Behind the creature, I use my vibrating knife to pierce its invisible shield. The Angel took notice of my attack and wildly swings its whips around. One of the whips cuts my Eva's left arm, causing me to drop the rifle.
"Fuck!" That actually hurts! The pain is another reminder that I'm not in a simulation. This thing can kill me!
I panic. I turn my back against the enemy and start running. Something snags on the back of my Eva causing me to stop. I turn to see my umbilical cable stretched to its maximum length. I momentarily thought about severing the cable but thought better of it. I'll only have one minute of power to get out of here (five minutes if I'm lucky).
The Angel's whips shoot in my direction and I duck to avoid them. I will my Eva to grab a handful of rubble and throw it at the Angel. This stuns the Angel for a moment.
Screw it! The cable's only gonna slow me down.
I disconnect the cable from my Eva and start running. Five minutes. It must be my lucky day, relatively speaking.
"Michael! What are you doing?" Misato yells over the radio.
"I needed increased mobility," I explained. "My Eva's slow enough as it is!"
I order my Eva to jump on top of one of the buildings. When the Angel attacks with one of it's whips I just jump onto another building. We do this "dance" for about a minute. Meanwhile I'm thinking of a way to get out of this mess. As fun as it is to jump around, I need to find another umbilical cable. . .or just run back to Nerv. Whatever option will keep me alive.
I bring my attention back to the Angel only to see a building flying towards me.
"Holy Hell!" I yell as I jump to another building. It's changed its tactics. Now it's throwing fucking buildings at me! I continue dodging debris while looking for an escape route. As I'm dodging it feels like I'm forgetting something. I don't know what it is, but must be important if it's bugging me in the middle of a fucking battle!
I dodge another piece of a building and see it crash into a mountain covered in trees. Memories of the movies start flooding my brain. Somebody's up there. I quickly enhance my Eva's vision and see two of my classmates cowering in fear as a building nearly hits them.
"Misato! You're seeing what I'm seeing?"
"Yeah, I see them. Do you think you can get to them?"
I look at the Angel and dodge another attack. Inside the entry plug, the back of my right hand shows I have three minutes of power left. It's not a lot of time.
"I. . .I'll try," I tell her.
"Good luck."
I run as fast as I can to the mountain while at the same time dodging every attack the Angel had to offer. Tired of having to move around the buildings, I just charge straight through them. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, though I can hear a sigh of disappointment over the radio. When I reach the mountain and locate the students, the Angel's already on my tail. I turn around, prepared to protect the civilians.
What the hell am I doing? I should be running, not doing this!
Thwhip! Thwhip!
As the two whips are about to hit me, I will my Eva to lift its arms and grab them.
"AHHHHHH! ! ! ! ! !" Shit! It's like I dipped my hands in boiling oil! I tighten my grip on the control handles and stare down the attacker. I feel my entry plug exit the Eva and open up.
"Get in!" Misato yells over the radio. In the corner of my eye I see the two students nod their heads and climb into the Eva.
I recognize them now. It's Toji and Kensuke. Great. Not only do I have to fight a giant fucking monster. But now I have to deal with the awkwardness of saving a person I almost choked to death.
"Ugh! What is this stuff?" I hear a voice, Toji, say in disgust.
"I heard of this stuff! It's called LCL!" responds Kensuke.
"Get. . .in. . .already!" I say in between pained breaths. "You'll feel like you're drowning! But. . .that'll pass!"
Toji and Kensuke pause for a moment before they completely submerge themselves in the liquid. They struggle to breathe for a few moments until the oxygen finally reaches their brains.
"Civilians secure," I report to Misato.
"Good. Deal with the Angel and retreat."
"Don't need to tell me twice!" I command my Eva to pull the Angel closer and deliver a powerful kick. The monster is sent flying and I run to the nearest launch pad. One minute left.
The Angel is catching up to me. Thirty seconds left!
I jump into the container where the launch pad is located. I didn't bother waiting for the thing to lock me in place.
"Misato! ! !"
"Got it!" The container closes as the Eva digs it's fingers into the launch pad's platform. At lightning speed, the launch pad sends my passengers and I beneath Tokyo-3. My hands sting grabbing the platform due to the Angel's attack, but it beats getting killed.
Because I'm not locked in place, it takes longer than usual to get me back to Nerv HQ. I shut down my Eva and have it lock its grip so it's still on the platform. During this time, it's deadly quiet inside the entry plug. In the corner of my eye, I can see Kensuke wants to ask a ton of questions. But he stops himself. Toji on the other hand isn't looking in my direction. He seems suspicious and confused.
I let out a long sigh. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I can deal with silence. But this silence is too uncomfortable. Not to mention my stinging hands are adding to me being uncomfortable. Also. . .I feel a bit guilty over what happened. I insulted his sister who's in the hospital and tried to kill him. Sure, he attacked me, but he wasn't thinking straight. Sorta like how I wasn't thinking straight.
"I'm sorry."
"Huh?" Toji and Kensuke say simultaneously.
"What I mean is. . .I'm sorry about yesterday." Man, I'm terrible at this. "I shouldn't have said that shit about your sister. I also took things too far during our fight."
"It's just-" I pause to gather my thoughts. "When I get angry I. . .I stop thinking. I say and do things I'll later regret. It's gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past, but that's no excuse. I understand what it's like to want to protect a relative. Hell, if something happened to my brother and I knew someone was responsible, I'd probably do the same thing you did. So, I kinda get where you're coming from."
Toji remains silent.
"Also," I direct my attention to Kensuke, "I'm sorry for hitting you yesterday. Trying to help your friend was. . .a really admirable thing to do." I turn my back towards both of them. "I don't expect you both to forgive me. I just wanted to get this off my chest. That's all."
As soon as I'm finished talking to them, my Eva stops moving. We're back at Nerv.
I press a button which forces the entry plug halfway out of the Eva and open the exit. I peek my head out to see a bunch of people in lab coats and a few in black suits. Standing in front of the crowd is Misato. While the people in the lab coats help Toji and Kensuke out of the Eva, Misato looks absolutely livid.
"You two are in big trouble!" she scolds my classmates. Toji and Kensuke look at the floor and mutter an apology. "I'll deal with you two later." She turns in my direction. "Anyway, you're gonna be taking a short break. At least until the Eva's internal battery is fully charged, which gives you about thirty minutes. Hopefully that'll give us enough time to-"
"I'm not going back out there!" I tell Misato. "I barely made a scratch on that thing! There's no way I can beat it!"
"It's not over yet," Misato tells me. "You can still defeat the Angel. You just need to stop being afraid of it."
"If I go back out there it'll kill me! ! !"
"No it won't! ! !" she yells back. She takes a deep breath and continues speaking, "You already proved you can neutralize its A.T. Field. The only thing stopping you from winning is your fear. I know you can defeat the Angel. But you must also believe you can! Can you do that?"
I go silent. She really thinks I can kill that thing? It makes no sense! But I don't have a choice. I either sit here and die or go out there and die. I breathe in heavily and let out a shaky exhale.
"Shit. Don't talk down to me," I tell her. "I'm not some little kid. *Sigh* Fine I'll go back up there, but under one condition. You let Toji and Kensuke watch the battle."
Misato's eyes get ten times bigger and Kensuke's practically bouncing off the walls. "Why would you want that?" she asks.
"They'll only try this stunt again if they don't see this fight. So might as well get it out of their system, right?"
"I. . .I guess that makes sense," she says, a bit skeptical. "Alright, it's a deal. Be prepared to pilot in thirty minutes. Got that?"
"Ma'am yes ma'am," I say while doing a mock salute.
Misato brings her hand to her face as she chuckles.
Thirty minutes has passed.
I'm back on the surface ready to face the Angel. Once again I'm wielding an assault rifle. This time I intend on using it to blind my opponent instead of using it to attack.
I will my Eva to fire a few rounds at the Angel which gets its attention. It starts flying at me extremely fast.
Don't be afraid. Focus.
When it gets close enough it uses its whips. I dodge a few of its attacks and fire at the ground, kicking up black dust. The Angel kept attacking even though it didn't know where I was. I move directly under it and use my Progressive Knife to pierce its A.T. Field. But, during all the mayhem, I missed its core. The Angel violently thrashes its body which knocks the knife out of my Eva's hand.
Oh no!
It wraps its whip around my left arm and lifts me off the ground. It swings me around for a bit before slamming me into the street. I have no time to register the pain before is does the same thing again and again. The Angel then throws me through several buildings, severing my umbilical cable. This time I only have one minute of power.
"Michael! Watch out!"
At the sound of Misato's voice, I move my Eva's head to spot the Angel's location. All I see is a whip coming straight for me. I try to move but the Eva won't budge!
"What's wrong?" she asks, panic evident in her voice.
"The Eva isn't responding! ! !"
"The pilot's synch ratio is dropping," I hear a woman say over the radio.
"No," Misato says in defeat. "Force eject the pilot's entry plug! ! !"
Before that can happen, the Angel's whip impales my Eva's skull. Right through the left eye.
"GAAAAAHHHHHHH! ! ! ! ! !" OH GOD! ! ! IT HURTS SO MUCH! ! ! ! "GET ME OUT OF THIS THING! ! ! ! !"
"We're trying Michael! ! !" Misato tries to reassure me.
Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT! ! ! ! The pain is too much! I just want it to end! ! ! ! Get off me! Stop it! LEAVE ME ALONE! ! ! ! !
I grab both of the light whips and tear them off the Angel's body. A scream escapes me as I tackle the Angel to the ground. The impact destroys a few buildings. I rip off one of its insect legs and stab its core with it. The core shows no sign of cracking, but I continue my onslaught regardless. The Angel flails its body around, trying to get me to stop.
"RAHHHHHH! ! ! !" I scream at my prey. "JUST DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT! ! ! !"
I keep stabbing the core over and over again. It cracks. I let out one final scream as I drove the leg into the core. It shatters and the Angel stops moving. At that exact moment, my Eva runs out of power.
Silence. That's all there is. No sounds of a flailing enemy. No sounds of an Eva running nor the hum of electrical equipment. There's only absolute silence. A tear dissolves in the LCL as I apply pressure to my left eye. A poor attempt to nurse the pain. I keep staring at the blank screen, the spot where the Angel would be. Tears continue to pour from my eyes as I scowl at the screen.
"I hate you."
Two days have passed and very little has happened. Toji and Kensuke approached me after school and said that they forgive me. Toji apologized, even though I told him that the fault was mine. Kensuke pointed out that we were both being dicks and you should let "bygones be bygones". This earned a chuckle out of both Toji and I. Heh, just thinking about it brings a smile to my face. It's nice to know I can leave that part of my life behind.
Ritsuko gave me time to rest, which meant no battle sims and testing. That certainly put a skip in my step. It would've been better if my left eye would stop throbbing. She says the sensation will go away in a few days. Until then, I'll just have to deal with the pain.
Knock! Knock!
Huh? I wonder who it is?
I get out of my bed and open the door slightly to see who's outside. It's Misato.
"Mind if I come in?" she asks.
I gesture for her to enter. As she walks in I take a seat on my bed. "What do you want?"
She looks around my room for a bit and doesn't seem pleased with what she sees. "You don't have a lot of stuff, do you?"
"Just the clothes on my back and the things Nerv provides me."
"Hmm," she crosses her arms. "Do you like the food here?"
I give the "are you shitting me" look. "The food tastes like crap."
She chuckles and scratches the back of her head. "Yeah. All the money in the world and Nerv can't hire decent chiefs."
I smirk a bit. "So you just came here to ask about the food?"
She shakes her head. "No, not at all." She once again scans the room. "It gets lonely here, does it."
"I'm used to it."
"What if I told you I can take you out of this place? I mean, you don't seem to like it here."
Hmm? "What are you offering?"
"You could live with me for a while," she says. "At least until you get back home. How does that sound?"
"Really?" I ask. She nods her head. "Are you sure about this? I don't want to get in the way or anything."
"It's no trouble," she assures me. "So what is your answer?"
"Hmm. I don't know. I mean, Nerv is such a 'nice' place. With its shitty food and the people with sticks up their asses," I say sarcastically. "Oh! Let's not forget the oh so wonderful tests."
"Okay I get it," she laughs a bit. "I'll take that as a yes. We can leave as soon as you're ready."
My eyes widened. "Huh? Don't you have to fill out some kind of paperwork?"
"Eh, I'll get Ritsuko to deal with that."
This gets me to laugh wholeheartedly. The fact that Ritsuko will get stuck with doing paper work brings me absolute joy.
After packing what little I had, Misato leads me to her car and we drive to her apartment. The drive is mostly uneventful. It's the middle of the night and there's barely any cars on the road. Whether that's due to less people being in the city or simply because it's late out is anyone's guess.
"You were right Michael, about me avoiding you." Misato says out of the blue while driving. I give her a questioning look. "You're probably wondering why I did that. Well *sigh* the truth is. . .I was afraid. I was afraid of seeing Shinji as nothing but a tool. I was afraid that the child who came to Tokyo-3, searching for answers, would be forgotten without a second thought. When you showed up and was selected to pilot Unit-01. I thought my fears were validated. You were Shinji's replacement, and Shinji was the broken tool. I thought your presence somehow desecrated his memory. That by speaking to you, I was spitting on his grave. I thought-". A tear rolls down her cheek, she quickly wipes it away.
"Heh, I guess that was stupid of me. I made it seem like Shinji's death was your fault. When in reality. . .it was my fault. I forced him into the Eva so his death is on my hands. *Sigh* Shinji must hate me."
The car becomes silent for a few seconds. I have to say something. She seems like a good person, so I can't leave her feeling like shit. "I. . .I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time."
Misato glances at me and smiles. "It's understandable. You were scared."
"That's no excuse!" I snapped at her. "I acted like such a coward! I took out my frustration on anyone who was around me. And that's not okay!"
A determined look finds its way onto my face. "From now on, I promise to better control myself." Misato's expression brightens up a bit. "Also, I don't think Shinji hates you. I'm pretty sure, deep down, he saw you as a good person."
A small chuckle escaped her lips. "You really think so?"
"I know so. I mean, look at what you're doing! You're offering someone you barely know a place to stay! If he were alive, he'd be proud of you. So. . .don't be so hard on yourself."
A smirk appears on her face as she shakes her head. She looks back to the road and says "We're here." I look out the window and see an apartment complex. It looks like most of the apartment is empty, though I could be wrong. Misato parks the car in front of the building.
We make our short journey up a few flights of stairs and stop in front of Misato's apartment door. She digs into her pocket and pulls out a bunch of keys attached to a keychain.
"Welp, home sweet home!"she says as she unlocks and opens the door.
I went into the apartment after her. Yeah, home sweet home.
. . .
This place is filthy.
Author's Notes: Finally finished this chapter! I didn't expect to write as much as I did. It caught me by surprise! Anyway, I hope I kept most of the cast in character. If I didn't well. . .better luck next time? Anyway, if you didn't notice before, the name of each chapter is a reference to a song. Why? I don't know. So let's make it a game. Try to guess not only the songs (because to be honest, the name of the songs will be REALLY obvious), but the band/artist these songs come from. I'll leave hints in the these notes.
Chapter 1 hint: The band has a three in their name. The name of the song's already in the title.
Chapter 2 hint: The band's initials are AS. The song should also be obvious.
Chapter 3 hint: I'll make this one easy. This band played a song in the trailer for 9. The name of the song's already in the title.
New chapter should arrive in two to three weeks.