Chapter 4: Remember Everything For Him

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno, Gainax, and Tatsunoko Productions. I only own the characters I made up.

My lungs burn with every breath I take. The pain. Oh god the pain! It spreads each time the boiling amber liquid licks my flesh! My skin bubbles as if it were home to millions of angry ants. They constantly bite at my insides, spreading the burning sensation throughout my entire form. Everything smells like blood! I can't get away from that horrible stench! I look up at my display screen, revealing my attacker. A formless mass is all I can detect, for the liquid in my eyes is already boiling. But I can tell what it is. An Angel.

This is the thing that's hurting me! It's the cause of all my suffering! I want to hate it! I want to feel nothing but pure, unfiltered rage as I stare at this monster! Yet. . .I feel nothing.

I don't understand. This thing is what's killing me! So why aren't I upset? No. . .that's not it. I feel hatred, just not for this creature. It's directed elsewhere. The Angel is nothing but an annoyance. A mindless creature with no will of its own. It's pathetic. No, if I'm going to hate something, it must deserve it!

A scream escapes me as I watch my flesh peel from bone. I'm no longer in pain, but it's still a horrible sight. I want to close my eyes, but my eyelids are no longer there! Oh god! SOMEBODY HELP ME! ! !

I take a sharp inhale as I bolt up from the futon mattress I was sleeping on. My whole body's shaking and I'm drenched in sweat. It takes me a minute to calm down when I realize I'm not inside an Eva. Thank god! It was just another nightmare.

I take a quick scan of my room and realize a few things are off. For one, I'm sleeping on a thin mattress and not a bed. The room is slightly smaller than what I'm use to and. . .is that a window? I previously didn't have one of those. I can see the moon's light piercing through the night's thin veil. It's. . .kinda nice.

My brain decides to finally start working as I let out a chuckle. Of course the room is different, this isn't Nerv. I've been living with Misato for the past five days.

"Man. I must really be out of it," I tell myself. I look at my hands and they're still shaking. I feel cold, like all the warmth in my body has been sucked away. I lie back on my mattress and attempt to get some sleep. But images of flesh peeling from bone prevent me from resting. Shit! I hate feeling like this.

Seeing as I'm not getting sleep anytime soon, I get on my feet and walk around the room. After pacing for a bit, I get partially dressed - I'm already wearing black shorts so I slip on a white t-shirt - slide open the door and enter the living room. A disappointed sigh escapes me as I stare at this trash heap. Unopened boxes litter the living room as well as some of Misato's clothing. You'd think she'd have enough sense to keep her clothing (especially her panties) away from prying eyes. The kitchen fares no better. Empty beer cans are littered all over the table. Old unwashed dishes lie in the sink, giving off this weird smell.

Why hasn't this place been cleaned up yet? I'm no neat freak, my room back home wasn't the cleanest. But even I have my limits! I can't keep wading through this sea of shit! That's it! I'm cleaning this place up!

My attention goes to the dirty clothing. How am I gonna do this? At the corner of the room is an empty plastic bin. Using my feet to carry Misato's clothes ( I don't want to touch them with my hands), I throw them in the plastic bin. After all the clothes were put up, I started moving the boxes. The ones that weren't too heavy to move, I set them in the corner of the living room. I left the rest where they were. I'll deal with those later.

Feeling a little hungry after all that work, I decided to make myself a quick breakfast. I grab six eggs from the fridge, set a clean frying pan on the kitchen stove, added oil and got to work. Few minutes later, I'm eating scrambled eggs in the living room while watching tv ( had to sit on the floor since there's no furniture). Nothing really interesting is on television. Most of the channels had boring or meh shows playing. Seriously, how is there nothing good on?

I hear a tired moan as Misato enters the living room. She's wearing EXTREMELY short shorts and a yellow blouse. I should be used to this by now. But I'm really not! How can she walk around barely wearing anything with a minor present?! Does she literally have zero fucks to give?!

I groan in slight irritation and look back at the tv.

" *Yawn* Why are you up so early?" asks Misato.

"I'm always up early," I respond.

"Yeah, at six. It's three in the morning."

". . ."

"Was it a nightmare?"

". . .Yeah. They've been happening a lot lately."

"Want to talk about it?"

I pause to think for a few seconds. "No."

"Okay. If that's what you want." I turn to look at Misato. She's leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, staring off in the distance.

After a minute of silence, she breaks it. "Soooo, I notice you're always wearing that cross. Even when piloting."

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah. I rarely take this thing off." I start messing with the object hanging around my neck.

"It's important to you, is it?"

"Yeah." A slight smile appears on my face. I don't know why.

"I guess that means you're religious," she says as she stretches her arms.

"Yeah, I am a bit," I admit to her. "But, that's not the main reason why I keep this thing around. I mean, it's part of the reason, but not the whole reason."

This peaks her interest. "Really? Then why do you keep it?"

"Well. . .it's kinda silly," I admit. "I made this thing a few years ago out of some old plastic. I-"

. . .

What am I doing?

"Nevermind." I use my fork to poke around the nonexistent food on my plate.

Her look of curiosity changes to concern. The room returns to silence. The only noise comes from the television.

Dammit! I just had to be a little shit. I need to say something, quick! "Ummm. How about you? Are you religious? I notice you sometimes wear a cross at work."

The smile she had returns slightly. "No, I'm not religious. Though my father was. He gave me the cross you've seen me wearing. It was his last gift before he. . ."

She lingers at the last few words. I immediately understood what she tried to say. "I. . . I'm sorry for your loss."

To my surprise, she nearly bursts out laughing.

" *Snicker* Sorry," she apologizes. "It's just, I never liked my father. In fact, I hated him. He was never there to take care of his family." A bit of spite is mixed in her words. "He thought work was more important than my mother and I. So I find it funny when people think I'm saddened by his death."

I go silent, then a thought pops into my head. "But. . .if you hate him so much, why did you keep the cross he gave you.?"

A slight chuckle escapes her lips as her face molds into a thoughtful expression. "I guess it serves as a reminder. To never forget how he died."

". . .How did he die?" I ask.

Her face molds into a small frown. "He was killed during the Second Impact." She pauses for a second then exhales through her nose. Her smile returns. "Well, since I'm up, I might as well clean up the place. I see you already took care of some of the mess."

Shaking off the serious tone she had moments ago, I roll my eyes. "Well someone has to be the adult around here."

"Cute," she deadpans. "Hand me your plate."

I do as she says. She grabs the plate and walks to the kitchen sink. She seems like a nice person. I guess it was the correct choice to accept her offer to stay here. I get up and walk to the bathroom so I can prepare myself for school.

Perhaps I can trust her.

Nothing much changed during my time at school. I still can't read and I'm still failing my classes. Though, the students stopped being afraid of me. I guess Toji and Kensuke managed to quell their fears. Sadly, that meant it was back to me answering annoying questions.

Right now, I'm attending P.E. The instructor is having us jog around the school for a while. Meanwhile, the girls were allowed to go swimming in the school's pool. Lucky. Anyway, after our little run, we were allowed to do anything we wanted outside. Everyone was either playing some kind of sport or talking to their friends. I, on the other hand, am resting on a grassy hill, letting my mind wander.

These nightmares I've been having, they started ever since I fought my first Angel. It's like that battle triggered something in my mind. I feel like I'm reliving an event in my past, even though the event in question never happened to me. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow I can see Shinji's memories. I can see everything that happened to him when he piloted Unit-01. Though the nightmares feel. . . incomplete. That's the best I can describe it. Whenever I would reach a certain point of the dream, either the pain would wake me up or my own fear would. I need to find out how the dream ends! I don't know why, it just feels like something I need to do. Though, I probably won't be happy with the answer I get.

"Hey Michael."

A familiar voice snaps me back to reality.

"Toji?" surprise painted all over my face. "Uhh, sup?"

"Why are ya sitting all the way over here?" he asks as he takes a seat next to me. "What, you aren't a fan of sports?"

"No. That's not it," I chuckle slightly. "I just wanted some time to think about a few things. Besides, I don't know anyone here."

Toji laughs. "What do you mean you don't know anybody? You're the most popular kid in school! People talk to you every freakin' day! Come on, you must know someone."

Now it's my turn to laugh. "You'd think so, but no. Everyone here only speaks to me because I'm different. I'm just some novelty to them. They could care less about who I am or what I like. Watch, as soon as they get over me being 'unique', they'll forget I even exist."

"Wow," says Toji, "You're a pretty depressing guy. *Snicker* You and Rei would get along perfectly."

"You think so?" I ask while laughing. "Well shit! I really am a mood killer!" My laughter eventually dies down. "It's just. . .I don't see the point in getting to know the people here. Like I said, they only see me as a novelty. Their 'nice' gestures are just an act to satisfy their curiosity. I don't need to be around people like that. Besides, I prefer being alone."

Toji becomes silent. A look of confusion displays itself on his face. He closes his eyes then sighs. A smirk replaces his confused look. "Heh, you an' Rei really are similar. Though, you talk more."

"That's not saying much," I respond wittily.

"Yeah, yeah," he responds half annoyed. He gets to his feet then scratches his nose. "Anyway, I forgot to thank you for letting me an' Kensuke see your fight against the Angel."

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it. It was the least I could do for how I treated you two."

"Hmm," Toji nods his head. "Just so you know, if you want to, you know, talk. Then you could always hang with me an' Kensuke." He then shrugs his shoulders. "Or not. It's up to you."

Huh? "You. . .you're serious?"

He nods. "Also, let me know if anyone's bothering you." He lifts his right fist slightly to the air. "I'll make sure they regret it!"

I stare at him, trying to detect any sign of insincerity. But there's none. He really meant every word he said. Why would he want to hang around me? I insulted his injured sister and almost killed him. Sure he said there were no hard feelings. But what I did was unforgivable, he should harbor some form of hatred towards me. It makes no sense, people aren't like this. Are they?

I force a smile and a chuckle. "Okay. I'll think about it."

Satisfied with my answer, he bids me farewell and let's me be.

This isn't the first time this happened to me. There were multiple instances in my life when someone would befriend me, seemingly for no reason. Eventually, I found out most of them did it out of some form of pity. These people were easy to get rid of, all I had to do was act distant towards them or be a jerk. But some of them, I couldn't pinpoint their exact reasoning for hanging around. Even if I acted like the biggest jerk or became distant, these individuals would still stay. It's almost like they genuinely cared about me. But that never made sense! Why would anyone think I'm worth their time? I have nothing to offer. I'm nobody special. I'm just. . .me.

I rest my head against the grassy hill and decide to take a nap. Maybe I'm overthinking things.

When school ends, Misato drives me to Nerv. She reminds me that Ritsuko wants to perform a synchronization test on me. Usually I dread testing. But a synchronization test is not that bad. That and Misato managed to convince Ritsuko to ease up on the testing. Glad she did that.

I'm currently sitting in my entry plug, focusing only on connecting with the Eva. It's been getting easier ever since I fought my first Angel. Though I still need some work. If I fight another one of those things, I don't want the robot to freeze up again.

"You're doing good Michael," Ritsuko tells me over the radio, "Just a few more minutes and you're done."

"Kay," I respond with my eyes closed. I still feel uncomfortable connecting with the Eva. The constant feeling of something burrowing into my head is kinda scary. No. I shouldn't let my mind wander. Focus on completing this test. Focus on the Eva.

"Ahh! Shit!" What the hell was that?! It felt like something bit me!

"Michael! What happened?" asks Ritsuko.

"I don't know!" I respond, panicking a bit. "It felt like something bi-" pain in my skull cuts me off. "Shit! What the. . . did you see that?"

"See what?" she asks.

"I thought I saw Sh-" I let out a scream as the pain spreads. Visions of blood, torn flesh and more blood flash before me. Why is there so much blood?! My skin's on fire! It hurts so fucking much! My breathing becomes ragged as my heart beats faster!

"Ritsuko, what's happening to him?!" I hear Misato ask.

"I-I don't know." As soon as the doctor said that, my Eva tears itself out of its restraints. "Oh no! It's gone berserk!"

The Eva's moving erratically. Smashing everything within its reach. With each movement, my pain increases. The images in my head appear more frequently, smashing themselves against my skull. The pain makes it hard to think! Why do these images look familiar?

My Eva looks at the window that Ritsuko and Misato are standing behind. A familiar rage pulsates throughout my entire body as the Eva readies itself to attack.

"No you don't! ! !" I tighten my grip on the control handles and pull them back. This stops the Eva's attack. It takes everything in my power to keep this thing under control. My skin feels like it's boiling! Shit! It hurts so much! ! ! But the pain makes me realize why the images look familiar.

"Do something!" Misato demands.

"Shutting off main power." Ritsuko says aloud.

"DON'T YOU DARE! ! !" I scream at Ritsuko. "I NEED TO SEE THIS THROUGH! ! !"

"Michael I can't let you do that!" Ritsuko explains. "It's too dangerous to keep Unit-01 active when it's berserk!"

"Please. . .let. . .me. . .do this!" I say in between pained breaths. "I can. . .hold it back!"

"Michael! Why-" Misato starts.

"I need to do this! ! !" I yell at her. "Just give me two minutes! ! !"

For a few seconds, Misato doesn't say a word. "Ritsuko. Keep the Eva running."

"Misato!" Ritsuko starts, "I can't let this cont-"

"Just trust me on this! ! !"

". . . *Sigh* As you wish, Captain Katsuragi."

Internally thanking Misato, I focus on the images I'm seeing. They're slowing down, becoming more clear. Come on! Just a bit longer!

Everything goes black.

"Can anyone hear me! ! ?" I scream out, desperate for someone, anyone to respond. The Eva's display screen is broken, so I don't know what's happening outside. But I know it's nothing good. Nothing good ever happens to me. What did I do to deserve this?! Oh god, is. . .is that my skin? That smell! That horrible smell! Get me out of this thing! ! !

"Misato! Father! Someone! Anyone! Please help me! My skin is burning! Oh god! Everything smells like blood! I'm going to die! ! !" Somebody help me, please! Somebody talk to me! Tell me someone can fix this! ! !

"AAAHHHH! ! ! !" One of my eyes, it just. . . just. . .popped! My stomach empties all its contents. The undigested food floats around the boiling LCL as my body shakes in agony. My insides hurt! My skin it. . . it. . .peels off my body! Sickening popping and scraping noises resonate throughout my entire form. I want to look away! I want to close my eyes and pretend this isn't happening! But I can't, my eyelids are gone.

Why won't somebody do something? Did they just. . .abandon me? No. No! They couldn't have left me! Not in this thing! Nobody's that cruel! But why? Why-

"WHY WON'T SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE! ! ! ! ! ? ? ?

. . .

Nobody's coming.

I'm. . .alone. They just left me here to die. Am I not worth saving?

A tear exits my remaining eye as it dissolves into the LCL.

. . .

"Fuck you." I say under my breath. "Fuck you! Fuck you! ! ! FUCK YOU! ! !"

Misato, Dr. Akagi, Father, everyone! I did what they wanted! I got in this stupid thing! And this is how they repay me?! I'm dying and they couldn't care less! I'm just a tool to them! Something to be used and thrown away! ! !

"I HATE YOU! ! ! I HATE YOU ALL! ! !" I scream with everything I have! I never wanted any of this! I just wanted to be needed! I just wanted to feel like I belong! I thought coming here would give me what I was looking for. Obviously I was wrong!

. . .

Nobody cares about me. Nobody on this entire planet will even notice I'm gone. If that's how Father. . .no. . .if that's how the world is going to be, then everyone can die for all I care. Death is what they deserve.

The world begins to fade as my brain seizes function. I'm no longer in pain and it's quiet. My body eventually stops resisting and accepts its fate. It won't be long now.

My soul hurts.

. . .

Mother?

The Eva stops moving. Tears are pouring down my face. My throat burns and my chest hurts. I can't stop shaking. . .I. . . I can't stay still. My vision becomes blurry as more tears exit my eyes.

Those. . .those were his last thoughts. What I'm feeling right now was exactly how he felt. This hate, this feeling of being abandoned, somehow is worse than being boiled alive. It. . .was hell.

"Michael. Are you okay?" I hear Misato ask cautiously.

Rage. When she spoke, I felt rage. I have to force myself not to yell at her.

"Michael?" she repeats herself, now sounding worried.

I sit in my entry plug for a good minute. Eventually, I push a button which allows me to exit the Eva. After forcing the LCL out of my lungs, I walk out of the test chamber and into the control room. Initially, I plan to go somewhere quiet as quickly as possible, but Misato has other plans.

"Michael, wait!" Misato chases me down and grabs my left wrist. "What happened in there?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I managed to say calmly.

"You saw something didn't you?" she asks.

"What if I did?" I nearly snap at her.

"Please, tell me what happened in there. I know it's bothering you. Maybe there's something I can do to hel-"

"Leave me alone! ! !" I slap her hand off my wrist. "There's nothing you can do to help!"

"Michael I-"

"Shut up! ! ! I-" I want to tell her how much I hate her. I want to yell and scream at her. I want to hurt her! But instead of succumbing to my anger, I merely look away. "Just leave me alone. I can't be around you right now."

A mixed bag of emotions carves their way onto her face. Confusion, worry, sadness and a few others I can't recognize. I need to go. If I stay here, I'm gonna say something I'll later regret. I run out of the control room and down the halls of Nerv. I don't stop until I find an area devoid of people. I sit on the ground and lean my back against a wall. More tears fall as I sob uncontrollably.

After a few minutes of crying, I sat there in a daze. I feel like a living corpse. I've become numb to the reality I'm living in. Maybe I really am asleep. . .or I'm dead. Maybe this is hell. I don't know anymore. I continue to stare at the floor.

What happened to Shinji wasn't fair! I hate Nerv! I hate Ritsuko! I hate Gendo! I even hate Misato! I hate this entire fucking planet! ! !

. . .

Why? Why did this have to happen? I don't want to hate Misato. She gave me a place to stay. She's always nice to me. I hate feeling this way! Misato already blames herself for what happened to Shinji, she doesn't need to feel any worse. Hell, it wasn't entirely her fault!

I really don't want to hate her. I want to pretend I don't feel this rage. But I can't help it! Shinji hated everyone for what happened to him! And he had every damn right to hate them! He came here looking for answers, and all he got was a coffin. The people here forced a burden on someone who was ill equipped to bear the weight. And because of that, he's gone.

"Michael?" Misato? It looks like she found me.

" . . ."

"A-are you alright?"

". . ." I wrap my arms around my knees and bury my face in them.

"What you saw. Was it Shinji?"

How did she. . .? I look at Misato. A pained expression displays itself on her face. "I-I saw how he died." I explain, "I felt what he felt. It. . .was hell."

A single tear rolls down her face. She looks down, hair covering her face. "You must hate me."

No. No, don't do this!

"The way you looked at me when you came out of Unit-01. . .it was a look of pure disgust." She covers her mouth with her hand, an attempt to dampen her sobs. "I-I don't blame you. I'm a terrible person. I forced Shinji into the Eva, even though he begged not to pilot that thing! I was so damn focused on the mission that I couldn't see a scared kid! I only saw him as a tool to defeat the Angels. I threw him out there without thinking and. . .dammit! I-"

"Stop that." She stops her rant and looks at me. "I don't hate you. It's just. . .I'm confused and. . . Let's just go home. I just-" I pull my knees closer to me. "I just want to go home."

When Misato and I return to the apartment, I immediately go to my room and stay there for the remainder of the day. Every once in a while I would leave my room to get some food or use the restroom. But I always returned to my room. I would just lie on my mattress and stare blankly at the ceiling.

There's so much pain. Not the physical kind, but kind that digs into your very soul. I feel like there's needles under my skin. My stomach is full of clay and my eyes feel like cotton. The thing is, I don't even mind the pain anymore. My ability to care vanished after staying in one spot for so long. I've lost the will to do anything but stay still. I can't even fall asleep.

. . .

I want to go home.

Sometime around eight, I hear Misato invite someone over for dinner. After an hour of listening, I realized the person she invited was Ritsuko. I overhear bits and pieces of their conversation. They talk about work related topics, gossip, you know, things only adults care about. They eventually start talking about me and my "incident" at Nerv. I'm not sure exactly what they were saying, I'm only half listening. But I can tell Misato feels like complete shit. I mentally curse myself for making her feel like that. When Ritsuko leaves, I hear Misato walk near my room and stop. There was a long pause, almost like she was hesitating to do or say something. Eventually, she left.

I couldn't sleep that night.

It's six in the morning and I'm in the kitchen making breakfast. I don't have much to look forward to today. It's the weekend, so there's nothing on my metaphorical schedule. I still feel like shit, perhaps from my lack of sleep. On the bright side, that horrible feeling from yesterday died down, though not completely. I finish what I'm making and sit down at the dinner table, prepared to eat.

I hear a door slide open and see Misato enter the kitchen. She's followed by a weird looking penguin. Huh, almost forgot Pen Pen lived here. Anyway, Misato grabs a beer and some food from the fridge. She then opens a kitchen cabinet and pulls out a bowl with Pen Pen's name on it. She pours half her food in the bowl and lies it on the floor as she takes a seat at the dinner table, far from my end. Pen Pen looks at Misato, seemingly in confusion. It begins to squawk and Misato glares at the bird, obviously annoyed. It continues squawking until Misato shuts it up by pouring half her beer into a spare cup. She hands it to the penguin. The bird then proceeds to drink the beer!

During my time here, I've never seen that bird drink beer! I mean, I knew Misato fed Pen Pen human food, but THIS is ridiculous! The absurdity of the situation earns a chuckle out of me.

Misato took notice of my outburst and smiles. It was only for a moment though, for she went back to her neutral expression.

"So. . .how did you sleep?" she asks.

"Fine, I guess." I continue eating the eggs on my plate.

"Hmm," she begins drinking her beer.

"Bit early for beer." I state dryly.

"It's five o'clock somewhere," she says as if it were a valid reason to be drinking at this time. "By the way, Ritsuko gave me this last night." She shows an I.D. card with Rei's picture on it. "Turns out she forgot to give the updated version to Rei. She's gonna need it in order to make it to Unit-00's reactivation."

"Ah, right. I almost forgot about that." I tell her. "It'd be nice not having to fight alone. Want me to take it to her?"

A thoughtful expression appears on her face. "Guess it couldn't hurt. I'll go with you."

"Actually. . .I would like to go alone."

There was silence between us for a few seconds.

"Oh. . .kay, I get it." A bit of disappointment is mixed into her words. "Do you know where she lives?"

"Umm. . .kinda."

She sees through my lie quite easily. Much to my surprise, a small smile appears on her face. She sighs as she walks to her room. Few minutes later, she comes out with a cellphone and a map.

"This is where she lives," Misato points to a spot on the map. "If you get lost, call me." She hands me the cellphone. "You know my number, right?"

I nod.

"Good." She walks back into the kitchen. "I'll see you when you get back."

Two hours later, I'm taking a train to Rei's apartment. I'm constantly looking at the map to see which route I'll be taking. It's a bit difficult to understand the layout, with me being a foreigner and all. Luckily, Misato wrote down some notes at the back of the map. It's in romaji! During my time living with her, she quickly found out I could read japanese if it uses the latin alphabet. So anytime she wanted to leave a note for me to read, she would write it in romaji. That's what makes her so great! She didn't have to do all that yet she did anyway!

. . .

I just wish this anger would go away.

I eventually make it to my stop and get off the train. According to the map, my destination is a fifteen minute walk from the station. That's not so bad. So I start my trip to Rei's place. On my way to the apartment, I noticed this neighborhood is pretty rough looking. Trash is littered everywhere, and broken windows are a common sight. The place seems to get worse the closer I get to my destination. Though, I find it odd I don't see anyone around. Not even a homeless person. Also, this place is oddly quiet. It's like the whole neighborhood has been abandoned.

I finally reach Rei's apartment, and like the rest of the buildings here, it seems abandoned. I climb a few flights of stairs and reach the door with Rei's apartment number. The mail slot is stuffed with unread letters. I knock a few times on the door and take a seat near it. I know the door's unlocked, but I'm not gonna barge in. Partially because it would be rude and partially because I don't want to run into naked Rei. Sometimes, I'm thankful for some of the knowledge I brought into this world. It allows me to avoid embarrassing situations. Sure, Rei probably won't mind being seen naked, but that doesn't matter. I'm no perv.

A few minutes pass by and I knock on the door again. There's no reply. How long do I have to wait here? Just as I'm about to knock again, the door opens.

Rei's wearing her usual school uniform, even though today's a weekend. Then again, I've never seen her without her school uniform, so it's not an unusual sight. The only thing different about her is she isn't all bandaged up. When she sees me, she pauses briefly. She then returns her attention elsewhere as walks past me.

I let out a slight chuckle at this action. I should've expected this.

"Rei, wait up."

She stops walking then returns her attention to me. I walk up to her and pull out her I.D. card out of my pocket. "Ritsuko forgot to give this to you yesterday."

Without hesitation, she grabs the card from my hand and walks off.

"Hmph. Could've at least said 'thank you'," I mutter under my breath. I guess I can go home now that I'm done here. But. . .

"Hey, you don't mind if I follow you back to HQ, right? I kinda got lost on the way here."

She doesn't say anything, she just continues walking. She either didn't hear me or didn't care. Probably both. I sigh and decide to follow her anyway. I'll call Misato when I get to Nerv so she'll know where I am. I'm just. . .not ready to go back to the apartment.

Rei and I are currently on a train heading to the Geofront. The vehicle is practically empty and is silent. The only noises that can be heard are the shaking of metal and the movement of pistons. Rei and I are sitting opposite to each other. I'm mostly napping throughout the whole trip. Every once in a while I will sneak glances at Rei. She, on the other hand, stares at her lap and stays still.

She hasn't moved ever since she got on the train. She's practically a statue. I would've thought she was asleep if her eyes weren't open. I don't know why, but suddenly what Toji said to me yesterday pops into my head. Are Rei and I really that similar? I take a moment to think about it and. . .some of her actions do remind me of myself. From the way she carries herself to how she prefers isolation over company. Huh. I guess there are some similarities. Thinking about Rei brings up memories of when I first met her. I acted like a jerk during our first encounter. Our second encounter didn't fare any better. I almost had her killed. I acted like such a coward.

I exhale through my nose and speak. "I. . .I'd like to apologize."

This gets Rei to look away from her lap and towards me. A neutral expression paints her face. "For what?"

I shift my weight in my seat and decide to elaborate. "For how I've treated you. When I was asked to pilot Unit-01, I tried to shift my responsibility onto you. Even though you were too weak to pilot."

". . ."

"You could've died, but I was more concerned with saving my own skin. It was a shitty thing to do, and for that I'm sorry." Rei doesn't say anything. This doesn't surprise me, though I expected some kind of reaction. A memory of the movies pops into my head concerning Rei. Her apathetic attitude to my apology is starting to make sense. She thinks she's nothing but a tool to be used. That if something were to happen to her, she can easily be replaced. So her life doesn't matter. She doesn't care about herself.

. . .

Sadly, another thing we have in common.

"I know you probably don't care about what happens to you, so my apology probably doesn't mean much. But I just needed to get this off my chest. I acted like a jerk and you didn't deserve that. No one should be forced into an Eva." An image of Shinji's boiled corpse pops into my head, causing me to shiver. "No one deserves that."

In the corner of my eyes, I notice Rei's expression change slightly.

"Anyway," I continue, trying to push any negative thoughts to the back of my head. "Good luck on Unit-00's reactivation. I'll be looking forward to working with you."

Rei just stares at me with a look of curiosity. Eventually, she looks back to her lap and returns to being a statue. I take a nap, feeling like a weight has been lifted. The rest of the trip was uneventful.

Misato and I are in a hallway, looking out a small window to observe Unit-00's reactivation. After a few minutes of just staring at the robot, the test ends. Looks like everything went well.

"Oh!" I dig into my pocket and pull out the cellphone Misato gave me. "Almost for forgot to give this back."

Misato raises her hand and shakes her head. "No, you keep it. I meant to give you one eventually."

"Uhhh, thanks." She responds with a smile.

We both go silent for a few seconds until I decide to speak again. "Listen. . .about this morning. I-"

"I get it," Misato says casually. A shit eating grin then appears on her face. "I mean, you could've just told me you wanted some alone time with Rei."

My eyes nearly pop out of my head. "What?!"

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," she says as she shrugs her shoulders. "But I gotta say, I didn't expect you to do that sort of thing."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IMPLYING? ! ? ! ?" I shriek.

"Calm down. I told you it's nothing to be embarrassed about." That stupid smirk is still painted on her face.

"Oh my g- you're supposed to be the adult! Act like one! ! !" Misato sticks her tongue out in response. "You're such a kid. And you wonder why you're single."

I swear I saw steam blow out her ears as she got me in a headlock. "What was that?! I didn't quite hear you?!"

I struggle against her grip as I let out a laugh. "You heard me! An old lady shouldn't act like a toddler!"

A vein appears on her forehead. It looks like it's gonna burst. "How old do you think I am?" she asks in a dangerously calm voice.

"Hmm," a smirk appears on my face. "You're in your sixties, right?"

The hallway becomes dead silent. "You're dead."

Worth it.

Before she can do anything, we both hear a loud beeping noise. She let's go of me and pulls out a device from her pocket. She takes a quick look at it then turns to me.

"There's a new Angel."

Moments later we're in the Command Center. The room is pretty large and is kinda shaped like a castle. Misato and I are standing at the top section of the room. This allows me to get a good view of the lower sections. It's filled with Nerv employees, each busy typing away on their computers or yelling orders at each other. There's a giant screen at the front of the room, which seems to be the center of attention. A chill runs up my spine as I see what's displayed on the screen. A large, light-blue octahedron is floating above Tokyo-3.

I already know about this Angel. It has a particle beam that can melt through almost anything. I also know it's A.T. Field is extremely powerful. Shit! If I go out there I'm going to lose. . .or worse.

"What do we know about this Angel," Misato asks Ritsuko.

"Not much," the doctor responds, "We just know its A.T. Field is constantly changing."

A large exhale escapes Misato's lips as she taps her feet.

"Send out Unit-01." At the sound of Gendo's voice, everyone including myself looks up at the commander, sitting at the highest part of the room.

"Will we be sending out Unit-00 as well?" Misato asks.

"No," Gendo responds, "Rei is not yet fit to battle."

Just what I wanted to hear. I let out a frustrated sigh.

Misato gives a concerned look. At first I'm confused, until it finally hits me.

"Don't worry," I tell her, "This time I'm ready. There's no running from this."

She nods and smiles at me.

Suddenly, an idea pops into my head. "Hey. Can I suggest something?"

"Hmm? Sure."

Thirty minutes later, I'm piloting Unit-01 in Tokyo-3. As part of my suggestion, I'm stationed a few miles away from the Angel, hiding behind a building. Just as I predicted, the Angel hasn't seen me. From what I remember, this creature can only detect me at a certain distance. So as long as I stay far away from the creature, I have the advantage. Of course, this plan isn't perfect. If I attack it, the Angel will immediately know where I am and retaliate. Currently, I've equipped my Eva with a high powered sniper rifle. It's not powered by the entire city, but I'm certain it'll get the job done. The rifle doesn't need to pierce the enemy's A.T. Field, it just needs to allow me to attack at a comfortable distance.

The Angel continues floating around aimlessly as I prepare myself. I take a deep breath and take aim. A large explosion is heard as the bullet leaves the barrel and flies toward my target. The bullet just bounces off the creatures A.T. field.

Its reaction is immediate. It lets out a high pitched scream as it changes shape, revealing its core. A crimson light appears in front of the core as it shoots a beam of energy in my direction.

I will my Eva to dodge the incoming attack, and it does so successfully. But the Angel won't let up. It continues firing a continuous stream of energy which forces me to run in circles around the creature. I expected this to happen, but I had hoped it would at least give me time to breathe. Doesn't matter, I got it to do what I want. It's core is exposed!

While running I aim the best I can at the Angel's core. Tightening my grip around the control handles, I fire a few rounds at the creature. All of them miss. Shit!

"EEEEEEEAHHHH! ! !" the Angel screams in apparent frustration as it once again changes shape. Multiple triangular shapes stick out of the Angel's original form, each with a crimson ball of light floating around them. The lights let out an explosion of energy, death beams are flying everywhere.

"Oh sh-" that was all I could get out before one of those beams hits my Eva, creating a huge explosion. The pain was so intense I couldn't even scream. When the dust finally settled, I can see the Angel is readying itself for another attack. I try to move, but the Eva is struggling to get on its feet. The Angel fires another beam of light towards me. Oh no.

Before the beam can hit me, several metal structures extend from the ground and block the attack. The structures only slow down the death beam, but it gives me enough time to escape. I will my Eva to move as fast as it can away from Angel and it runs to the furthest building. When I've gained enough distance, I take a look at the structures which acted as shields. They are now nothing but clumps of melted metal. My body becomes cold as I continue to stare. That could've been me.

"What was that?" I ask myself.

"Those were blast shields," responds Misato over the radio.

"Blast shields? Didn't know we had those," I say as I let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks for that. You really saved my ass."

"Don't mention it. Though, it didn't look like they did much to stop the Angel's attack."

She's right, each shield lasted about three to five seconds. They can't do much in ways of protection.

"Oh no. Michael! It's preparing for another attack!"

I peak out from the building I was hiding behind to see another beam of light coming towards me. I once again will my Eva to get the hell out of there. I run between buildings hoping they would provide some decent cover, but the Angel's attack easily cuts through them. While running I take aim at the Angel's exposed core. I can't afford to miss this time. I fire and the bullet flies through the air. It hits its mark. The core cracks which causes the Angel to revert back to its original form.

"Hell yeah!" Just one more hit and it's done for!

"EEEEEEEAHHHH! ! !" the Angel, clearly pissed, shoots multiple beams of energy in my direction. One of them hits the rifle, causing it to explode in my face. Another laser severs my umbilical cable, leaving me with limited power. The rest of the energy beams hit the ground I'm standing on, creating a shockwave that pushes me through a few buildings.

"Ugh! Crap!" The Angel readies itself for another attack. This time, I'm able to run before the energy beam hits me. The creature shoots a continuous beam of death, following me wherever I go.

Dammit! If I don't do something, it's gonna kill me!

"Michael, you need to retreat!" Misato commands over the radio.

"I don't think that thing's gonna let me," I retort as I jump over another beam of energy. It's constant attacking doesn't give me enough time to escape! Hell, I can't even grab a weapon or insert an umbilical cable because there's barely time for me to breathe! Also, I'm on borrowed time. So I can't keep running around all day. If only I had some kind of shield, then I could escape or get close enough with my knife.

. . .

I have an idea.

"Misato! Can you set a series of blast shields in front of the Angel?"

She pauses for exactly three seconds. "Yeah, but why would you want that? Those things barely stood a chance!"

"No time to explain," I respond in a hurried tone. "On my command, set a line of blast shields in front of the Angel! I'll handle the rest!"

She lets out a sound of approval as I pull out my Progressive Knife. I continue running until I find the perfect position. Forty-five seconds left. That's all I need.

"NOW! ! !" As soon as I said that, a series of blast shields popped up from the ground. They all line themselves up in front of the Angel. I let out a primal yell as I commanded my Eva to run towards the shields. A large boom can be heard as the Eva breaks the sound barrier. Pushing this thing to its absolute limits, I crash my Eva into one of the shields, ripping it off the ground. Using my left arm, and using the forward momentum, I keep hold of the large structure as I crash into another shield. I continue stacking the shields until I'm directly in front of the Angel.

"EEEEEEEAHHHH! ! !" it shoots another beam of energy towards me. The blast shields in front of the creature, plus the ones I stacked together are enough to resist the assault. As I get closer to the creature, the beam's intensity increases. It's enough to slow me down, but not enough to stop me.

This is gonna work! I just have to keep moving forward!

Twenty seconds left!

"A.T. Field full power! ! !" The invisible field surrounding my Eva, increases in strength and spreads around the blast shields.

I'm close enough to the Angel that I can almost touch it's core. The stacking shields are disintegrating as I attempt to pierce the red orb.

Fifteen seconds left, and half the shields are gone.

My knife is a few feet away from the core. I need to get closer.

Ten seconds left, and two shields still remain.

The heat is becoming unbearable. I feel like a cooked lobster. Ignore it! I need to focus on killing this thing! My knife is so close it's nearly scratching the red orb. Just a bit closer!

Seven seconds left, all I have is my A.T. Field.

Oh god this hurts! ! ! Ignore it! ! ! This is nothing! ! ! Shinji's flesh was torn from bone! His eyes popped and his insides boiled! This pain is NOTHING compared to that! ! ! I can do this! I can kill this thing! I'm so close! I can-

The Eva shuts down. A second later, I feel a searing pain spread across my body followed by an impact. When the pain disappears, I look up at the display screen and see it's shut off. No. No! NO! ! !

"GET UP DAMN IT! ! ! !" I start hitting the controls. My rage was short-lived as the LCL boiled around me.

"AHHHHH! ! ! !"

Everything goes black.

Author's Notes: Phew! I finally finished this chapter! Pretty proud of the end result. Anyway, thank you guys for following and reviewing. It's nice to know people like this story. I also would like to thank Thomas Drovin for reminding me to put a disclaimer at the beginning of each chapter. I wasn't exactly sure if I should or not, so thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Also, I'm still gonna continue that musical guessing game. I just find it fun to do. :P

Chapter 4 hint: The band's name is a reference to the movie King Boxer, though the movie is more widely known by another name. Look closely at the chapter's title to find the song's name.

New chapter will arrive in a few weeks.