Chapter 16: To My Hope I Spoke, Holding a Deep Red Rose

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno, Gainax, and Tatsunoko Productions. I only own the characters I made up.

Television here is weird.

I don't mean weird in a sense that there's wacky shows constantly being shown. I mean, there are a plethora of wacky shows on tv which does add to the weirdness factor, but that's not what I mean. Television here is weird because it makes me ask "Is that war propaganda in my cartoons?"

Seriously, most of what's on tv is related to either war, being a soldier, or The Second Impact. There were shows about how superheroes were created because of The Second Impact, or how "great men" rose from the ashes of such an event. Almost always, these characters were former soldiers who had a strong love for their home country, Japan.

That's another thing I noticed. Most of the shows now promoted complete devotion toward Japan, and praised nationalism. Almost always, other countries were not portrayed in the best light, and Japan was portrayed as the best country in the world.

I mean, I get how The Second Impact changed the world, so it makes sense why it's constantly mentioned in the media. But what's the deal with putting down other countries? It's like Japan's prepared to go to war with other nations, which doesn't make sense. The world has to worry about Angels, so why antagonize possible allies? Though, unsurprisingly, Japan isn't the only country doing this. A quick search on the internet would bring up articles of countries participating in the world's largest, and most expensive, pissing match.

I'm not upset, or even annoyed. I'm more impressed than anything.

These thoughts were bouncing around my head as I'm sitting on a couch, watching tv while eating cereal. I'm watching an extremely weird show in which I couldn't tell if it was just weird for weirdness sake, or was trying to tell me something. Maybe I'm overthinking things? I have a tendency to do that.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost didn't notice Asuka exiting her room and heading to the kitchen. She fixes herself a bowl of cereal, then sits about a foot next to me on the couch.

"Whatcha watching," the girl asks.

"Honestly, I have no idea." I say this as I watch a very muscular, anthropomorphized dog, stuff an ugly anthropomorphic rat into an oil drum. The dog proceeds to kick the trapped rat to the literal moon and does a series of victory poses, followed by a short dance, before the show cuts to commercial.

"Well. . .that was dumb," says Asuka.

"I know," I snicker. "Which is why it's so great."

She rolls her eyes. "Anyway, when did you get back? I didn't see you here after school."

You walked right into that one. "Why Ms. Soryu, don't tell me you actually missed me?"

She gives a disgusted look then grunts. "Just answer the question."

I laugh then take a moment to think. "I think I got home at around nine."

"Why were you out so late," she raises her hand to stop my response. "And don't give a smart ass answer."

I smile then shake my head. "I was just hanging with Toji."

"Oh, is that it?"

"Yeah. What, you thought I was doing something else?"

She looks back at the tv. "I don't know. Just thought you'd be running around with 'Wondergirl'."

"You jealous?" I ask, messing with her.

"Don't start," she responds, annoyed.

I snort out a laugh.

"What could you have possibly been doing with that bone-head to justify staying out so late?" She asks, partially worked up due to me irritating her.

"Well, we played games. Hung out around some parks," I explain. "Oh, and he also took me to meet his sister."

Asuka pauses. "The bone-head has a sister?"

I nod then explain Toji's situation to her. I explained how Toji's sister, who's name I learned was Sakura, had been in the hospital ever since I first arrived in Japan. I explained how Toji pretty much visits Sakura everyday, just to make sure she was okay. That seemed to get Asuka's attention, because she was asking all sorts of questions. Mainly, she asked what it was like meeting Sakura for the first time. I told her that Sakura was incredibly sweet and bubbly for someone who was confined to a bed. I even explained how Sakura told me some funny stories about Toji, much to the guy's embarrassment.

"Sakura also told me of a time she scolded Toji for getting into a fight," I laugh slightly. "Just imagine it, Toji getting reprimanded by someone half his size!"

" *Chuckles* Well, you learn something new everyday." Asuka smiles, then decides to ask a question. "Now I'm curious, who did the bozo fight?"

I pause for a moment, just realizing I got a bit carried away. Revealing a nervous smile, I decide to tell her. "Well, based on the details Sakura provided, Toji fought me."

That knocked the redhead off balance for a moment. "Really?"

I nod. "Despite what you think, Toji and I didn't always get along." Thinking back to the hospital, it became obvious that Sakura was completely oblivious to me and Toji fighting, which probably explained why she seemed comfortable around me. Though, I am kinda surprised she doesn't know. I'd thought Toji would've told her since at the time of the fight, we weren't friends. Guess I should be grateful that he didn't tell Sakura.

"We didn't exactly start out on the right foot," I explain. "I admit, it was mostly my fault. I have a tendency to rub people the wrong way when first meeting them."

I can hear Asuka say "Tell me about it" under her breath, getting me to smile.

"Anyway," I continue. "After that fight, and a few other events, we somehow ended up being friends. Don't ask me how that happened. I honestly couldn't tell you."

Asuka becomes silent and stares at me. Upon closer inspection, I notice something. . .off about her. I want to point this out, but a thought pops into my head.

"Shit!"

Asuka raises an eyebrow. "What?"

I face palmed. "I was out so late that I forgot to make lunch for today." I pull my hand down and let out an annoyed groan.

Asuka lets out a short laugh as she walks to the kitchen. Few seconds later, she tosses a small plastic box to me, which I catch.

"What's this?" I ask, inspecting the box.

"Food," she states. "While you were out goofing off, I took the liberty of making both our lunches for school."

I stare at the box for a good minute. "It won't kill me, will it?"

"Don't be a jerk!"

It's at that moment Misato decides to walk into the living room. She's fully dressed in her Nerv uniform and has a purse hanging over her shoulder.

"Are you two fighting again," the woman asks, looking not particularly pleased.

I look to her, then sarcastically say "What else would we be doing?"

Misato sighs. "You know, one of these days that sarcasm's gonna get old."

"It already has," grunts the redhead.

"Anyway," starts Misato. "I just wanted to tell the both of you that I'm heading to Matsushiro for a few days."

Asuka gets a weird expression, briefly looks to me then back to Misato. She looks hesitant about something, but she seemed to move past her hesitation after a long exhale. "Are. . .you gonna meet the new pilot?"

The woman pauses. "Yes. We're gonna have the pilot test out a new Eva."

This must be what Kensuke was talking about yesterday. "Do you know who the new pilot is?"

Misato looks visibly uncomfortable. She quickly composes herself and gives an obviously fake smile. "You'll get to meet the pilot eventually. It'll be a big surprise."

Didn't answer my question but okay.

She prepares to leave before stopping herself. "Oh, before I forget, Kaji will be taking care of you both while I'm gone."

I snort. "What, you don't think we can take care of ourselves?"

"I don't trust either of you not to kill each other," she responds. "So, yes."

Okay, I'll give her that.

Misato bids both of us farewell then walks out of the apartment. Meanwhile, Asuka and I get ourselves dressed in our school uniforms and prepare to leave. I couldn't help but notice how odd Asuka's acting. Ever since Misato mentioned the new pilot, the girl's eyes seemed to glaze over. Like she's not quite all there. Hell, she barely had a reaction when Misato mentioned Kaji was going to babysit us, which isn't like her at all.

Maybe she's nervous about the new pilot being better than her. The girl is competitive after all.

. . .

I'll ask her about it later.

I sit at my desk and stare at the plastic box Asuka gave me this morning, wondering about the contents which lie inside. Meanwhile, Kensuke's talking my ear off, complaining about how he lost his chance to become an Eva pilot. Somehow (I stopped asking where he got his information a while ago), he figured out that Unit-03's pilot had already been selected.

"Kensuke shut up. I'm trying to find out what's in this thing," I tell the guy.

"How can you be so heartless," Kensuke asks dramatically. "My dreams were just crushed, yet you're worried about what's inside your lunchbox."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but right now I'm trying to figure out whether this thing will kill me or not!"

"Just open it if you're so curious!"

"There could be a bomb in it for all I know!"

"You're being paranoid!"

"Asuka doesn't cook! This could be a trap," I turn to Toji who's casually leaning in his chair. "Come on Toji, back me up!"

The guy has a blank look on his face. It takes a few seconds for him to realize I'm talking to him. "Huh? What?"

I look at him inquisitively. "Hey, you seem out of it. You okay?"

The guy stops leaning in his chair and gives a laugh which seems forced. "Of course! I'm great!"

"Then why did you do that obviously fake laugh?"

He pauses for a moment. "Where's Asuka? First period's about to start."

I'm about to point out he's changing the subject when Asuka suddenly bursts into the room, temporarily drawing my attention to her.

The girl has a frown etched into her face and looks to be deeply in thought. Deciding to speak to Toji later, I question Asuka as she walks to her desk. "What took you so long to get here? We left the apartment at the same time."

The redhead looks to me, then to Toji, then back to me. She deepens her frown then sits at her desk, lying her head on the object.

"I wasn't feeling well," was her response. The desk was muffling her voice, so I had to listen real close in order to hear those words.

This isn't like Asuka at all, but class is about to start, so I decide to just let things be for now.

School went on as normal for most of the day. Of course, the only things which were odd was Toji and Asuka's behavior. Toji always looked so lost or even depressed. Everytime I tried to press the guy on whatever was bothering him, he would lie and say everything was fine. As for Asuka, she avoided me whenever she could. At first, I thought I did something to upset her, but that proved not to be the case just by looking at her demeanor. Then, out of nowhere, Toji disappeared. I didn't hear him get called to the principal's office or him asking to leave the classroom. He just. . .vanished.

During one of the breaks, Kensuke also took notice of Toji's disappearance. The thing was, he didn't seem too worried about it. He suspected that Toji ditched school or something. I initially disagreed, seeing as Toji always said he would skip school, but never did. But, seeing as Kensuke knows Toji better, plus the guy's weird behavior lately, I guess it isn't too far fetched that he just up and walked off campus.

After my conversation with Kensuke, I decided to go outside for a bit to get some fresh air. There was still a good ten minutes before class would begin again, so that gave me enough time to explore parts of the school campus. During my time out here, I noticed a certain blue haired girl also exploring the campus. This girl eventually decides to sit on a bench and stare off in the distance. She seems to be in deep thought.

I didn't even notice Rei was at school, the girl barely talked to me as of late. Then again, I didn't exactly try to reach out to her either. Everytime I'm around her I get this stupid feeling of guilt. I need to stop avoiding her and just talk to the girl, cause frankly, this guilty feeling is getting old. I don't want to ruin our friendship just because I'm too afraid to speak.

So, with this in mind, I walk to where Rei's sitting.

Slowly walking up to her, I notice how peaceful she looks. I almost convince myself not to approach her as to not interrupt her peaceful moment. Shaking those thoughts out, I attempt to find the proper words to throw Rei's way. Eventually, I just decide on just greeting her and seeing where that goes from there.

"Hey," I say then raise my hand in a "hello" gesture.

The girl, suddenly brought out of her thoughts, gives me a bewildered expression. "Hart? It's good to see you."

"Good to see you too," I respond. I then rub the back of my head. "I. . .want to apologize."

Her eyebrows raise slightly. "For what?"

"For the past week." Or, has it been longer than that? "I've been avoiding you. I wasn't doing it on purpose but. . .I'm sorry. Some stupid thoughts were going through my head and-"

"It is alright," the girl responds. "Your experience within the twelfth Angel has affected you greatly. It is understandable that you would feel the need to distance yourself."

"But it's not okay to abandon a friend," I respond. "The truth is, I feel guilty around you. I don't know if the Angel was somehow talking to me, or if I was going crazy. But, it made me question if I really deserve to have you as a friend."

I stop her before she can respond. "I know, it's stupid. But that's how I've been feeling all this time." I inhale deeply before letting out a long exhale. "*Chuckles* Well, now I'm done throwing myself a pity party. I just want us to hang out like we used to. From now on, let's tell each other when something's wrong. No more secrets."

Her eyes widen slightly. She frowns then looks away from me. "Hart, I. . ."

She cuts herself off.

I become concerned. "Rei?"

She remains still for a moment, before suddenly getting to her feet.

"Class is about to start," she says in a monotone voice. She turns away from me. "I must go."

With surprising speed, she jogs to the school building's main entrance.

"Rei wait!" I call out to her, but she's already gone.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask myself. I then let out an exhale.

Maybe she really was angry that I was avoiding her.

. . .

I don't know.

I sit on the bench and shake my head in frustration, wondering how I'm gonna fix things.

"Today is weird," I express. "Everyone's acting weird."

After school ended, Asuka and I immediately returned home. Upon entering our place of residence, we're greeted by Kaji who was watching tv. I briefly wondered why he was here before remembering what Misato said about us needing a babysitter. The guy was about as lax as expected. All he did was walk around the apartment, ask how me or Asuka's day was, then walk to the apartment's balcony.

During my time home, I took a few moments to work on my homework. For some reason, the teachers decided to overwhelm the class with worksheets. I don't understand why. Maybe they think the class isn't working hard enough? Or maybe they're being dicks. Either way, I had to spend a lot of my time doing homework, so that was irritating. Though, it did serve as a nice distraction from my thoughts as of late.

When it turns six, I take a break from my homework and look to where Asuka's at. She's lying on the floor, face glued to her laptop. She doesn't seem to be doing anything important, so I decide to talk to her a bit.

"Hey Asuka, do you know who the new pilot is?"

Upon hearing me, the girl looks away from her device to give me her attention. She displays an odd expression, then looks back to her laptop.

"No," she says shortly.

Okay, this has to stop.

" *Sigh* What is it?"

Her head snaps back to me, confusion evident on her face. "Huh?"

"What's bothering you," I clarify. "You've been acting weird all day, like you're guilty about something. So, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she huffs. "You're just seeing things."

"No, something's definitely wrong," I keep pressing. My tone becomes more subdued as I continue speaking. "Remember, what I said a week ago? If there's something you need to get off your chest, then you can talk to me."

Her cheeks turn slightly red for some reason. She scowls then turns her head away from me. "Really, it's nothing. Idiot."

She yawns. "I'm just bored. There's nothing to do around here."

I said nothing for a moment, then made a suggestion. "How about we play some games."

She scoffs. "I already beat you in most of the games I own."

My right eye twitches. "You only beat me because you picked games I didn't know how to play."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself," she teases.

I become annoyed. "Whatever, do you want to play a game or what?!"

"Maybe," I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Then let's go! Any game of your choosing!"

She lets out a condescending laugh while getting to her feet. She looks to me and gives an expression which radiates confidence. "Well if you're in such a hurry to lose, you only needed to ask."

I narrow my eyes, then give a challenging smirk. "Just get the game, I'll grab the controllers."

She snorts while going to her room to grab a game. I go to the tv, set up the game console then plug in the controllers. Moments later, we're sitting on the couch, playing some obscure fighting game. In that game, you play as some mechas, because of course Asuka would choose a game like that. Asuka then spends the next hour kicking my ass until she got bored. So, we switched to playing some other games she had. I didn't fare any better to the other games she brought to the table. In hindsight, it was probably unwise of me to have Asuka choose the games. She of course is going to choose the ones she had the most experience with.

After a while, she got bored of beating me at practically every game she owned. We were both at a loss on what to do to alleviate the boredom until Kaji suddenly appeared. Knowing we'd get bored of playing Asuka's video games, the man brought over some old board games. Asuka wasn't too enthused about this, but having nothing better to do, decided to indulge in playing board games.

With it being board games, the playing field was more even. She actually lost a few games, but only a few. She still kicked my ass when we played any game which was strategy related. For example, I couldn't beat her in chess, and I stood no hope of winning in a game called go (a game I had no idea how to play). Kaji even joined in a few games before having to take a phone call. Despite the redhead being adamant that she hated the board games, I could see she was having fun. We continued playing games until around ten, when Asuka decided she was tired. We both bid each other goodnight as she went into her room to sleep.

I put away all of the board games and prepare to go to bed. Before I can get to my room, I hear Kaji call out to me.

"Hey Michael, can I talk to you for a second," asks the man.

I let out an annoyed grunt. I really wanted to go to bed.

"Sure," I say as I walk back to the living room. I see the man looking out the window. Walking up to him, I look out the window as well, seeing how the city lights outshine most of the stars in the sky.

"You know, I couldn't help but notice how much you enjoyed Asuka's company," Kaji teases.

I roll my eyes. "Is that all you wanna talk about?"

He laughs then shakes his head. "No." He turns his head to me. "So, any luck on you returning home?"

"Kinda." I wanted to be vague about mentioning my home, just in case Asuka was listening. "Ritsuko found a. . . 'thing' which could help me get home. But she hasn't got it working yet."

"Hmm," grunts the man as he looks back out the window. "When did the good doctor say she'll be able to get the 'thing' working?"

I pause, trying to bring up the memory. "About a year."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess it was a conservative estimate."

I shrug slightly. "More or less."

"Michael," he says steadily. "There's a possibility it could take much more than a year for you to return home."

"I've. . .taken that into consideration."

"Have you?" Kaji questions. "It could take two years, a decade, or even more for you to be able to return home." He glances at me. "Let's pretend we know for certain it would take twenty years for you to return home. In this situation, what would you do during all that time? Would you spend all that time longing for home, waiting for your journey to finally end? Or, would you make the most of what you have now?"

I don't say a thing.

For most of my time here, I've only thought of two possibilities. Either I'm stuck here forever, or that I'll escape from this place eventually. When Ritsuko showed me that wormhole, I began leaning toward the latter of those possibilities. But, I never gave much thought on how long it could actually take to return home. Will I still be fourteen when I go home, or will I be an old man when I finally get the chance? If it's the latter, what will I do for all those years? Will going home be worth it after all that time?

I can feel my lips twist into a frown.

"I guess," I start. "I'll do what I've been doing. Roll with the punches, and take things one step at a time."

Though I hope it would never come to that.

The man nods, seemingly satisfied with my answer. "On the other hand, what if you were told that tomorrow, you could return home? What would you do if this was possible?"

I take a moment to think. "Well, of course I'd be happy, ecstatic even. Even though this place is growing on me, I'd be lying if I said I'd chose here over home." A pause. "But, I would take my sweet time actually leaving."

I look at the man. "Why are you asking all these questions?"

The man smiles. "Just curious." His smile turns mischievous. "Asuka has also taken a liking to you."

I scoff. "You're doing it again."

His smile widens. "Doing what?"

"That," I point. "Just, casually slipping Asuka into the conversation. Like you're trying to set me up with her."

"So what if I am," he casually asks. "Would it be such a bad thing? You both are getting along pretty well."

"We just came to an understanding," I say, crossing my arms.

He shakes his head. "I'm not so sure it's just that. *Chuckles* Recently, her. . . 'affection' for me has started to become tame. I'm starting to think you might be the cause of that."

"What, you miss how she used to grab onto you like a spidermonkey?" I mock.

He laughs. "Not exactly." His smile changes. The bravado which is usually shown in that particular expression slowly changes into something warm. "It's just. . . nice to see Asuka happy. And I mean really happy."

He closes his eyes and chuckles. "She doesn't have a lot of people her age she can talk to. She always had this habit of pushing away anyone that tried to get close to her. I guess it was her way of proving that she was independent. That she didn't need anyone to help her get through life. Even when she did manage to snag a friend or two, she tried to keep them at arm's length." His smile widens. "But, you're different. From day one, you never backed down whenever she presented a challenge. If she did something you disagreed with, you called her out. When she argued, you argued right back. You always stood your ground and challenged her way of thinking, which is why I think she has taken an interest in you. That, and due to recent events, makes me think that you might be able to help the girl. Heh, god knows I'm ill equipped to help her."

Kaji fully turns to me. "Michael, thank you for being patient with her."

I become slightly embarrassed and reveal a nervous smile. "I don't know about me being patient with her. We've fought a lot."

"True. But, there were many times when you've tried to understand Asuka. You never completely wrote her off as a 'lost cause'. You talk to her, and listen to what she has to say. You help her, even when she refuses help. The best part is that you do all this not because you're forced to, but because you genuinely care about her. Even though you won't admit it."

I become flustered. "I think you're looking too deep into things."

The man gives a sly smirk. " 'If there's something you need to get off your chest, then you can talk to me.' Sounds familiar?"

I become even more embarrassed as the man directly quotes me. "You know about that?"

"I overheard you two talking in the living room earlier." The man laughs. Suddenly, the man's smile turns into a slight frown. "Michael, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to always be there for Asuka, for however long you remain here. Be it a year, a decade, or even a day, I need you to be right by her side. I know this is a lot to ask, after all, you're just a child yourself. But, I need you to do this." The man once again looks out the window. "There. . .might come a time when I won't be around."

That's. . .ominous. What does he mean by that?

"S-Sure. I guess I'll try," I respond, slightly awestruck. "But, what did you mean by-"

"Why, won't you look at the time," he says as he pulls a pocket watch out of nowhere. "I've been talking for a while. I nearly forgot about a meeting I needed to attend."

The man quickly says goodnight as he walks out the front door before closing it. I just stand in the living room, wondering what just happened. Eventually, I shake myself out of that state then went to my room to sleep. Throughout the entire night, Kaji's words echo in my mind.

How did it come to this?

Kensuke and I stand at the school's balcony, just enjoying the view. Well, I'm enjoying the view. Kensuke's still sulking over the fact that he's never gonna get his own Eva. The guy fully understands the dangers of actually piloting, but he just can't get the heroic idea of piloting out of his head.

"You could at least pretend you care," Kensuke says, slightly annoyed at my lack of empathy.

"That would be dishonest," I respond.

He huffs in frustration. "Yeah, yeah, I get you don't like piloting that much. I just wanted to try it at least once."

I chuckle. "Maybe I'll ask Ritsuko to throw you into one of the simulations. Maybe you'll get an idea of what it's like."

The guy's eyes become dinner plates. "Really?!"

I was joking, but when I really think about it, that idea might actually work. "Sure. Just got to talk to Ritsuko."

The guy pulls me into a big hug, something I never expected from him. "Thanks man! You're the best!"

"Yeah, I know," I push him slightly, not really liking hugs. "Now get off."

The guy does as he's told, but I can't help but smile at his enthusiasm. My smile turns into a frown as a thought pops into my head. "Have you heard from Toji yet?"

Kensuke shakes his head. "Not yet. It's like he disappeared off the face of the Earth."

I sigh. "That's just great. Man, everything's been weird lately."

"How so?" Kensuke asks.

I look at him. "Well other than Toji's disappearing act, Asuka's been acting weird, Rei's been avoiding me since yesterday, and last night someone talked to me like he was on his deathbed."

"Hmm, yeah that is weird."

I exhale as I lean on the railing then put my head on my arms. "Question, you know about a man named Kaji?"

"No. Why?"

"Nevermind." I feel completely drained. "Just thought I'd get better insight on that man."

I pause for a moment, then speak again. "Are you worried about Toji? Like you said, it's like he disappeared off the face of the planet."

Kensuke snorts. "I'm not worried. Sure, it's a little weird he disappeared without telling anyone, but I'm sure he's doing fine. Watch, tomorrow he's gonna come to school and tell us some wild story."

I exhale slowly, then stare into space. "One can hope."

A few seconds later, my cell phone vibrates. Taking it out of my pocket, I take a look at the device. After reading the message, I bid Kensuke farewell, then ran out of school.

Maybe killing an Angel will clear my mind.

Upon arriving at Nerv, me and the rest of the pilots were immediately put into our plugsuits then briefed on the mission. Since Misato and Ritsuko weren't here, Vice Commander Fuyutsuki was the one giving the mission briefing. Turns out something, presumably an Angel, caused an explosion at the testing facilities in Matsushiro, and is heading straight for Nerv. Hearing that immediately got me concerned. Didn't Misato say she'd be there to meet the new pilot?

I've tried asking the Vice Commander about Misato, but he said communication was lost with the Matsushiro base, so the status of everyone stationed there is unknown. That made me even more concerned, but Fuyutsuki gave little time for that emotion to sink in. He swiftly gave me and my teammates our orders. We were to spread out and observe what was approaching Tokyo-3. Should the thing prove itself to be an Angel, we would attack with extreme prejudice. Upon receiving our orders, we headed to our Evas, launched to the surface, took our positions, then waited.

The sun was setting, causing the sky to have an orange tint to it. The comforting mood this time of the day would usually bring is replaced with apprehension. No one knows when exactly the Angel is approaching or what form it would take. So, that made things nerve-racking.

As instructed, I am stationed a few miles away from the center of the city, hiding behind a building. Rei was also hiding behind a building a few miles away from where I was. The way she was angled made for the perfect spot to snipe an incoming enemy. Asuka was stationed on the outskirts of the city, meaning she was the closest to the enemy. Asuka being Asuka, was thoroughly pleased about this position. She always loved fighting Angels up close.

Everyone was quiet, holding their breath with anticipation. We usually would know what the Angel would look like by now, though this time proved to be the exception. No one seemed to have gotten a good look at the creature, so everyone's in the dark. That made me slightly jittery. I always found some comfort in knowing what an Angel would look like before actually fighting it. Guess it helps me know what to expect, even if the Angel ends up displaying bizarre and unpredictable abilities.

When I hear someone reporting that the Angel has been spotted, I prepare for the worst. I prepare for some bizzare monster with several eyes, or wierd appendages which acted as arms. However, whatever I was expecting was shot down after getting a glimpse of the creature.

There, walking in the distance with the setting sun at its back, was a familiar humanoid figure. Two familiar large structures sit on top of its bulky shoulders. It has a slim figure, yet radiates an aura of power. Though, its most distinguishing features is the midnight blue armor covering its body, and its glowing red eyes.

It's an Eva. The "Angel" is a fucking Eva!

I hear hushed whispers over the radio. Everyone's probably just as surprised to see such a creature. Rei remains silent, but I can hear Asuka audibly gasp over the radio.

"W-What is this?!" I say, voicing everyone's confusion.

"That is your target," says a familiar, cold voice over the radio. I immediately recognized the person as Gendo. What's he doing here?

Taking a closer look at Unit-03 allows a few memories to pop up in regards to the machine. All I remember is that it was somehow being controlled by an Angel, but a person was still inside. But, according to what I remember, Asuka's supposed to be in that machine. But, she's in Unit-02 right now. So, who's in Unit-03?

"Who's the pilot?" I ask Gendo.

"That is not important," the man answers. "Right now you need to focus on destroying the target."

I growl. "Heartless bastard, there's a person in there!" I get into a fighting position. "Asuka, Rei, try to save the person inside!"

"Ignore that order," Gendo commands. "Treat this Angel as you would any other."

"Get bent Gendo," I reply. You could almost hear everyone in the Command Center gasp. "We're not gonna kill someone who needs our help!"

Asuka's face appears in the corner of my display screen. She has a worried expression. Like, she genuinely looks worried. "Michael, you need to know something before we fight this thing! The pilot is-"

Where her face was is now static. I can hear the girl's screams as she fights off the other Eva. The screams are cut short as I see something rocket into the air. Asuka was just force ejected.

No way! Asuka was beaten in seconds.

I want to yell a command at Rei, but it was too late. The "Angel" somehow immediately detected where Rei's Eva was hiding, and ran with supernatural speed towards that location. It jumped on Unit-00 and secreted some substance which caused Rei to scream in pain.

"Unit-00 is out of commision!" I hear a female voice say over the radio.

"Dammit!" I curse while watching the scene unfold.

The Eva turns its head to me, and walks slowly in my direction. Its red eyes unnerve me as my grip on my rifle tightens.

"Unit-01, you cannot afford to hold back." Gendo still manages to sound calm, despite how much of a disadvantage we all now are in. "This Angel is by far the most dangerous you've encountered. If you hesitate even for a moment, it will kill you."

As the Eva comes closer, the fear in me becomes slightly stronger. That thing took out Asuka and Rei in mere seconds. How can I stand up to that?

Still, despite all the fear, I stand my ground. My heart beats a million times a second as a nervous, yet feral, smile carves its way onto my face.

"How about another option." I command my Eva to raise its rifle toward the approaching enemy. "I kill the 'Angel' and save the pilot inside!"

"Don't be foolish," the man starts. "It-"

"Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of me not giving a fuck!" I respond as I ready myself.

The opposing Eva, now within walking distance, seemed to have noticed my renewed confidence. It lets out an animalistic growl while I narrow my eyes, my smile becoming more prominent.

"Come on!" I yell at the creature.

"RAAAAHHHH! ! !" the thing roars in response.

I pull the trigger on my rifle and shoot a few rounds at the "Angel". The bullets seem to stun it, but other than that, it's unharmed. The creature roars again as it crouches, then charges at me. Thinking quickly, I run then vault over the creature, while at the same time tripping it up with my umbilical cable. When it lost its balance, I used all my strength to smash the butt of my rifle against its skull. This action manages to knock the opposing Eva to the ground before it rolls onto all fours.

The thing hisses at me as it raises one of its arms in my direction. Its arm then jets towards me, as if it were made of rubber!

"Crap!" It's too fast, I can't dodge it!

I raise my rifle to block the attack. The gun took the brunt of the assault, but the arm continued to push me with a great force, slamming me into a building! Pinning me there!

The rifle's now in pieces as the creature's arm lies on my Eva's mangled chest. Pain radiates from that area, telling me the creature severely wounded Unit-01.

The "Angel" lets out another roar as it stretches its other arm, this time aiming for my neck! I manage to command my Eva to kick the speeding limb away. I pull out my Progressive Knife and begin sawing the arm keeping me pinned to the building. The "Angel", now in pain, pulls its arm away, freeing my Eva. I gain some distance and use my now found freedom to catch my breath. The offending Eva clutches the arm I tried to saw off before letting go of it as the limb begins repairing itself.

Wish Unit-01 could do that.

It rushes me, this time running on all fours as if it were some animal. Quickly devising a plan, I put away my knife then eject my umbilical cable. Clutching the cable with both hands, I charge at the offending Eva. The creature once again stretches its arms to grab me, but I'm able to dodge the attacks and tackle the creature to the ground. We get into a grappling match for a moment before I'm able to get on its back, then begin wrapping the umbilical cable around its neck. The offending Eva, realizing what's going on, starts clawing and kicking at me, but it's too late. I begin tightening the makeshift noose around the creature's neck as it continues to struggle.

I have about three minutes of power left, so I begin devising the second part of my plan.

"Sorry about this," I explain just in case the pilot can hear me. I have Unit-01 hold the cable in a weird way so it could use its free hand to pull out the Progressive Knife. With knife in hand, I aim for the part of the spine where the entry plug would be.

"There!" I stab at the spine, and begin digging around. The "Angel" begins screaming in a mix of pain and anger. I keep hold of the cable, and continue digging for the entry plug.

Two minutes of power left.

I can almost reach the entry plug! There's a bunch of weird material growing around it, but in a few seconds, I'll be able to save the pilot!

"RAAAAAAHHHHH! ! !" The creature bellows.

Two arms suddenly grow out of its back, pushing me off! I roll for a bit before getting back to my feet. I watch in horror as the offending Eva now has four arms. Its armor pops off, revealing brown, scarred, skin. Suddenly its neck pulsates at its red eyes widen.

"KYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! ! ! !" The creature lets out an ear piercing scream, destroying the street, buildings, and anything else which lies in its path. The sudden air pressure the scream creates hits my Eva, knocking the wind out of me, and tossing me literally half way across the city!

When I landed, the impact knocked the wind out of me a second time. The surrounding buildings, as well as the street, were obliterated due to my landing. I didn't bother waiting to catch my breath as I get to my feet and immediately requested HQ to get me a new umbilical cable. Within seconds, a building opens up, I grab the cable inside, and plug it into Unit-01.

"Unit-01, report!" Gendo commands.

"I *huff* think we have a problem," I respond, winded. The battle barely lasted five minutes, and I'm already tired!

"I can see that," the commander replies. "Did you succeed in freeing the pilot?"

"No," I reply shortly.

"I see," says the man. "You will be provided with another weapon shortly. This time you will follow orders and destroy the Angel without hesitation."

I see the "Angel" in the distance, walking slowly in my direction. Its eyes are completely fixed on me. I can feel nothing but hate radiate from the creature.

"Can't do that," I reply. "There's someone still in there, I can't risk killing the pilot." I let out an exhale. "We need to retreat and come up with a plan of attack."

"That option isn't available," the man reasons, sounding slightly frustrated. "The Angel will not sit idly by while you lick your wounds. The only correct course of action is for you to stop holding back and finish this."

"Not gonna happen," I tell the man.

"I don't have time for this," I heard Gendo mumble. "Shut down Unit-01's synchronization circuits and switch control over to The Dummy Plug!"

Wait! The Dummy plug? Why does that-

Oh shit! No, he can't do that!

There was a brief argument between Gendo and the staff about using The Dummy plug, but eventually the staff gave into Gendo's demands.

"Wait! You can't do that! Stop!" I practically pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears.

Unit-01 briefly shuts down before starting up again. The entire entry plug turns red, signaling I no longer have control over my Eva.

Unit-01 lets out a roar as it charges into battle without my input. The enemy Eva jets two of its four arms at Unit-01 and succeeds at grabbing the machine's neck. The multi-armed creature starts squeezing as it prepares its other arms for an attack. Before the creature could do that, Unit-01 grabbed the arms around its neck, then proceeded to snap them like twigs.

"RAAAAHHH! ! !" the opposing Eva screams in apparent pain. But Unit-01 wasn't done yet.

Unit-01 once again charges at the "Angel", and this time succeeds at tackling it to the ground. Unit-01 then, like an animal, starts tearing bits of the opposing Eva to shreds! At one point when the "Angel" tried to retaliate, Unit-01 ripped the creature's jaw clean off!

"Stop it!" I scream at Gendo!

Unit-01 tears off one of the creature's arms.

"Stop it! ! !" I yell at whoever could hear!

Unit-01 digs into the creature's stomach, and pulls out what looks to be intestines!

"STOP! ! !"

Unit-01 pull's it's right arm back, prepared to deliver the finishing blow!

"I said STOP! ! !" I yell at Unit-01.

I don't know if I was seeing things, but briefly, something which looked like flames surrounded my body. That put me in immediate pain, but I push through it and try to force my will into Unit-01.

I hear something which might have been a girl screaming before Unit-01 stops what it's doing. Control is now fully in my hands.

"What?!" says a shocked Gendo.

My head feels woozy, yet at the same time, I'm full of so much rage.

"Gendo," I say in a dangerously calm voice. I almost couldn't recognize that it was me speaking. "Stay out of this!"

Looking at the fallen form of the opponent, I see how much damage Unit-01 really did. The creature's jaw is missing, one of its arms is torn from the sockets, and its intestines are in full view.

I get a little sick looking at the thing. I always compared the Eva to a robot, but when I really think about it, that's not really accurate. They're giant living creatures which can be controlled with the mind. This horrendous sight is just a reminder of that.

Despite me not liking that Gendo took control of my Eva, it did stop the other Eva. Just hope the pilot inside didn't feel anything when his Eva was being torn to shreds.

Just as I reach down to try to extract the entry plug, a sharp pain once again radiates across my chest. It took a moment to realize, but I noticed that one of the "Angel's" arms is now stuck inside of Unit-01's chest.

"Oh."

The creature lifts Unit-01 into the air, using the arm still stuck inside the machine. This multiplies the pain, causing me to scream until my voice has gone hoarse. The creature then throws Unit-01 to the ground, forming a crater. I didn't have the strength to get back up as Unit-03 crawls over my fallen form.

The creature briefly looks into Unit-01's eyes and somehow smiles, despite it missing a jaw. Maybe I'm imagining things. It raises all its arms and they change into something resembling spears. Using these transformed appendages, it stabs me multiple times! The pain was so intense, I couldn't muster up a scream.

It raises an arm, aimed directly for the head, and strikes.

Time slows as my mind fully processes what's happening. This thing is trying to kill me. It's not trying to fight me, it's trying to kill me! I might actually die in this battle. That's not something I really took into consideration since. . .the last Angel.

No. No! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Not like this!

A mixture of fear and rage pulsates throughout my body, giving me a sudden boost in strength!

"RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! ! !" I bellow, blocking the attack with my left arm. Then, with all the power I could summon, I drive my right arm into the upper part of the opposing Eva's chest. My arm shatters its spine and exits through its back. I couldn't help but smile at the sudden change of events.

I won.

That smile was wiped away as I felt something in my hand being crushed. I didn't bother looking, for I already knew what was in my hand.

The pilot's entry plug.

The sun completely sets over the horizon, turning the orange sky into a dark blue. I continue sitting in my entry plug, staying completely still. Everything in the Eva except the life support is turned off. I did this so I could be alone. So no one could talk to me. I still left the radio on, to hear whatever was reported on the outside. But, I never responded to anyone who tried to contact me. I just remained quiet.

For an hour, I've been in here.

For an hour, I cursed myself for killing the pilot I was supposed to be saving. And make no mistake, the pilot is dead. The way I crushed the entry plug insured that. The crushed object lies in the open palm of Unit-01's hand, which is currently resting on the ground. I can see Nerve employees using the Eva's palm as a platform while attempting to open the mangled entry plug.

Even though almost everything in the Eva's turned off, I can still feel the capsule in my hand. I can still feel the emotions which ran through me when I killed the pilot. First, relief. Then, realization. Then a bit of horror. Finally. . .nothing.

That's the worst part about all of this. That even though I took another person's life. . .I feel nothing.

I curse myself, beat myself up for killing another human being, yet in the end, I feel empty. I feel guilty, but not for the killing. I feel guilt over the fact that I don't feel guilty. Yet, despite all of this supposed guilt, all of this time beating myself up, I still feel nothing!

I should feel something. Why don't I feel anything?!

Maybe that's why I locked myself in here. I don't want to have people see me stoned face over this situation. I don't want them to know that I'm numb to another person's death.

I don't want them to see how fucked up I am.

I look back to the twisted capsule that the Nerv staff are trying to open. I almost wonder what was the point of them even trying. All they're going to find is a mangled body.

The radio comes on again. I momentarily prepare to ignore the person on the other end, just in case they want to talk to me. But, a familiar voice pierces through the static.

"Michael! Are you okay?!"

My eyes widen. "M-Misato?"

"Yes it's me," she replies, sounding relieved she could hear my voice.

"You're okay," I say, almost disbelieving. "I heard you were caught in an explosion! I nearly thought you were-"

"I'm fine Michael," she assures me. She pauses then asks once again, this time slowly. "Are you okay?"

I pause. I can feel my heart trying to burst out of my chest. My stomach drops as heat grows behind my eyes, making them water.

"N-No," I answer truthfully, voice shaking.

"Michael," she sounds worried. I can hear that she's about to cry. "I. . .I heard about what happened. I want you to know it's not your fault."

For the first time, tears are starting to roll down my checks. The tears dissolve into the LCL as I put my head in my arms.

I can't face her! Not after what I did! Not after not feeling a single ounce of guilt over what I did!

This time, Misato's full on crying. "I'm so sorry Michael! I was going to tell you but, I was just so scared about how you'd react."

I raise my head, surprise painting my face.

"W-What do you mean?"

"I'm so sorry," she repeats, sobbing. "The one inside. . .that Eva is. . .is. . ."

Just as she was speaking, the Nerv staff were finally able to open the mangled entry plug. I see some of them get sick at the sight of what's inside as others work on recovering the body.

I don't know why, maybe a sense of morbid curiosity, but I enhanced the image to see who was the person they were carrying out. I just, need to know who I killed.

The lower half of the person's body is completely missing, so I try not to focus too hard on that. The eyes are bulging, and look like they're made of glass. The person is wearing a plugsuit which looks similar to my own, but instead of being purple, it was a dark blue color. He has slightly spiky, unkempt hair.

Despite the condition of the body, I immediately recognize who that person was.

"Toji." There was no emotion in my voice. It was just. . .empty.

Author's Notes: Told y'all I'll be popping out chapters soon. Anyway, I've been wanting to write this chapter for a while, so I was really excited to finally finish it. Just hope my efforts are reflected in the quality of the storytelling. Anyway, both justsomerealguy and Thomas Drovin got the name of the composer right in the last chapter. That was. . .quicker than I expected (then again I left a big hint). Hell, justsomerealguy even guess the song's title in such a short time, though I expected for him to use the English title, not the one in French. Well color me impressed. Congratulations on guessing the composer's name, and the name of the song.

Chapter 16 Hint: This band was formed in 2005 and is apart of the ambient rock genre. The title of this chapter is partially in reference to the lyrics of this chapter's song; guess the lyrics and you'll most likely find the song.

See y'all in the next chapter.