Taking up these drabbles again. So, feel free to send me a prompt here or on Tumblr. This prompt is set in s1e7 two days after Cora's miscarriage. I hope you enjoy the Cobert hurt/comfort, please review!
Purple II – Bruise
Robert couldn't remember if he had ever lived through days this gloomy. It was horrible, horrible, horrible, and it started the minute he woke up in the morning. The slightest joy about a fresh day was blighted in a matter of seconds.
It was gone. She had lost it. They had lost it.
It wouldn't ever be.
It brought him close to tears every time he thought about it. He could hold them at bay since his first outbreak in front of Bates, but the hurt cut deep into his heart nevertheless. He couldn't stop thinking about the baby of their dreams. The baby that would never be. And then there was Cora. He instinctively avoided thinking about her; probably because he sensed that it would hurt even more.
His dear, his darling Cora. That she had to live through this was an offence that brought Robert close to losing faith. Whoever decided to put her through this had no heart beating in their chest. How could a god if there was one do this to an angel like Cora?
Robert spent the last two days feeling lost and also guilty that he couldn't help Cora in this situation. She was lying in bed, suffering from the consequences of her fall and being unrecognisable the way her sweet positive nature had slipped from her the minute she had lost the baby. Seeing her unable to produce the tiniest hint of a smile, filled Robert with the greatest dread, and his helplessness evoked a nasty but lingering feeling of guilt. He was supposed to be there for her but he didn't know how. She didn't seem to profit from his presence by her bedside. Robert couldn't see any reaction in her as she usually showed. But the moment he left her room, he felt bad, fearing her state would worsen in his absence, maybe through his absence.
Today, the guilt gnawed at him particularly because he hadn't been in her room once. He had inquired about her state repeatedly and O'Brien gave him a report every time she left the room and Robert ran into her 'by chance'. Cora's well-being was unchanged. She lay passively and nearly lifelessly in her bed. Her physical state was stable as Dr Clarkson assured, but her morals had to be kept up. Nothing and no one, though, seemed to accomplish that.
It was far past luncheon when Robert decided the guilt was too much, and he took the stairs two at a time to get up to her room because all of the sudden, he was in a great hurry to get to her.
With as much caution as he could muster, Robert opened the door to the Mercia bedroom. This room had turned into the halls of gloom in the hours after the horror, and it had stayed that way since. Very slowly, Robert pushed open the door. The room was suffused by a dim light. The curtains were partly drawn. A violet shadow lay on everything in the room as if to mark the horror and the sadness. The weight in his stomach sank deeper and pressed against his heart's apex at the same time. He felt like he couldn't properly breathe. It took all his energy to enter the room. But there was no doubt that he would.
The minute he peeked around the door at her lying form in the wide bed, he was entirely drawn in by her and her misery. He couldn't leave. He wouldn't ever leave her side until she could stand up and walk away smilingly.
He noticed O'Brien in the farthest corner, busying herself with some garments. The moment she saw him, her eyes widened a little and she froze in her actions for some seconds. With a simple nod, Robert dismissed her. She bent her head and left the room with a white chemise pressed to her chest.
Robert opened his mouth when O'Brien left the room silently, but he didn't know what to say or if he would just make Cora's state worse with the sound of his voice.
He approached the bed and couldn't quite tell if she had already taken notice of him. Even when she was awake, she wasn't really a part of this world lately. Physically, she lay in her bed all day but she just wasn't there. The most one could get out of her were breathed Oh, I'm just alright's and other simple phrases of appeasement. And other times – when she didn't manage this – she would either not react at all or break out in silent tears that no one was able to stop.
Robert didn't want to distress her. So, he just sat down at the side of her bed and let his palm stroke the soft surface of the blanket next to Cora's body. He watched her for a while, a big lump in his throat. Her eyes were closed but he wasn't sure if she was really sleeping. She was in a dozing state constantly. Lost somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. Her frame seemed more slender than usual and much more fragile. Robert's eyes settled on her chest, and he observed how it moved regularly and calmingly. It gave him some sense of peace; it eased his nerves and settled his stomach.
After a while, he saw the slightest movement in her otherwise motionless body. A deep inhale indicated that there was still stirring in her. Her eyelids opened slowly and narrowly, and it took her some time to register him by her side.
Robert gave her the time to react or speak when she was ready. For a considerable moment, she just looked at him. Her eyes opened gradually, and her look was unfocused for a while. With a sigh, her mind centred on him.
"I have to come back, right?" her voice was weak but it was more certain than it had been since the accident. "They won't accept me grieving so fully for much longer," she stated.
"You are allowed to grieve, Cora." It nearly hurt saying her name. It was too raw and real for this moment, where he had just caught a tip of her living and wake presence.
"Maybe. But not like this." She exhaled. "I know that this doesn't do but I just couldn't help myself. I was so –" her voice died down and upwelling tears stifled her speech.
Robert had to gulp. He nodded at her words. "I know," he whispered. His hand sought hers on its own accord.
The following silence pressed onto the room, and Robert was relieved when he heard Cora's voice again.
"Would you maybe… uhm would you hold me?" she asked with a voice so little as if she was afraid of his answer. Robert instantly moved to stand up, eager and thankful for being given advice on how he could help her.
"Of course, my dear." He brushed his hands over the lapels of his jacket. "Everything you'd like, darling."
Cora's left limp hand patted the bed next to her when he hesitated for a few seconds. "Would you come into bed with me, if that's not too much to ask?" she asked softly.
Robert complied as quickly as possible. "It's not at all too much." He sat down on the edge at his side of the bed and slipped off his shoes. Then he took off his jacket and put it down at the foot of the bed. When he turned to face her, he said with emphasis, "If there is anything I can do to make you happy in the slightest, please tell me right away."
Cora nodded faintly.
Robert stood back up to lift the covers and be able to slip under them and lie with Cora properly. With a mild groan, Cora rolled over so that her back was to him and he could spoon her. Robert grabbed the edge of the duvet and uncovered Cora's body. Now, he not only saw the shape of her slender frame but also the ivory vision of her skin. Her cream nightgown was bunched up at her waist and bared her thighs to him. But within a second, Robert was seized by a new shock. From beneath her undergarments, he saw a purplish bruise spread on the back of her upper thigh. His heart clenched at the sight.
"Are you in pain?" he whispered, unable to move. There was a short moment of silence.
"I am alright," she then breathed without turning to look at him.
"May I…" He kneeled onto the mattress and his fingertips hovered over the hem of her undergarments. "May I have a closer look?"
Cora shrugged her shoulders and it moved her entire body. "Only if you're not feeling sorry for me," she said.
"I need to know how bad it is," Robert said, avoiding answering her condition. With featherlight touches, he tried pulling up the lower hem of her drawers to reveal more of her blemished skin. The mottled pattern on her usually fair porcelain skin was even more intense underneath the guarding garments. The edge of her haematoma was already turning green. Robert hated it. He had seen far worse in his life, for sure. There were images from the battlefield he didn't want to think about, but seeing his pure wife wronged like this was at least as hard to bear.
"Oh, Cora," he breathed.
"Stop it, Robert!" Cora reprimanded him. She tilted her head to look at him. "Don't look at it then. Hold me or leave me alone to rest, but don't do this."
"I'm sorry." He crawled under the blankets quickly. Cora sighed the moment his weight pressed into the mattress and made her gravitate towards his body. "I'm here, darling. I'm here," Robert whispered into her ear as he gently took her into his arms and snuggled against her. He was careful not to inflict any more pain on her. "Is it alright like this?" he inquired.
"Mmh-hmm," Cora gave a soft sound of approval, and Robert felt her relax against his body. "Thank you," she sighed.
Holding Cora in his arms, triggered way more feelings than he had anticipated. It was two days since her accident but it felt like ages since he had last lain in bed with her and had been so close to her. He could feel her now. She was real. The faint scent of her hair filled his nostrils, and he inhaled deeply to be even closer to her. Her warm small body felt like it belonged right in his arms and nowhere else. The feeling of painful compassion that had encapsulated his heart was now mixed with something new. Adoration for his wife spread in his chest.
Robert lifted his head and looked at her relaxed face. His lips touched her cheekbone. The feeling of her skin beneath his lips was something that had really missed the last two days.
It took Robert some seconds to recognise the tears that spilt from her eyes. Was it his kiss that made her cry? She tried blinking away the veil in front of her eyes.
"I didn't want this. I didn't want to bother you with my crying again." She sniffled. Light sobs shook her body.
Robert searched his pockets for a handkerchief. It was a bit crinkled but he still gave it to her. Cora dabbed the corners of her eyes. Robert really didn't like to see her crying. He felt so helpless again.
"It hurts so much." Cora's statement came out rather bluntly and free of tears.
"What? Am I holding you too tight?" He loosened his hold on her and shuffled away to give her more space.
"No, no. I mean my heart."
"Oh." He instantly moved back again.
"I- I've lost it," Cora's words were troubled by new sobs, "the baby," she breathed, "and it just hurts and hurts the same every day. I- I can't imagine that it could possibly hurt less someday." A flood of tears ran down her cheeks, and Cora let them drench the handkerchief she held there.
Robert didn't know what to do. "Will it help you if I tell you that someday it will get better?" he asked.
Cora shrugged. "I don't know. I'm so sorry, Robert."
"Please, Cora, don't. It's not your fault."
"But–"
"There is no but. You may cry if that helps you battle the pain but don't wreck your head about it, not in that way especially. Will you promise me this?" Robert said.
Cora sniffled. She moved a bit in his arms. "Will you stay with me?" she asked instead of answering him.
Robert nodded into her hair. "Yes, I will. Of course."
He would stay until she could stand up and walk away smilingly. Or at least until there was a little light in her eyes again.