Chapter 24: To Dance With A Devil

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. It belongs to Hideaki Anno, Gainax, and Tatsunoko Productions. I only own the characters I made up.

Inhale and exhale.

Just focus on that, focus on my breathing and nothing else.

Breathe in and breathe out.

"Alright, we're almost done with this test," Maya reports over the radio. "Just bear with us for a few more minutes."

I let out a grunt, acknowledging I heard her. The other two pilots remain silent.

I attempt to remain focused. My sync score is high, but I don't want it to get any higher. I don't want this test to end too early.

For the past three days, me and the other two pilots have been undergoing a series of sync tests. Though, the newest pilot has been catching a lot of people's attention.

Kaworu Nagisa.

When he arrived, it was already decided that he would be Unit-02's new pilot. That was not something I was too happy about. It was like they were tossing Asuka aside, replacing her with someone more "useful".

Again, this arrangement was something I'm not happy about, but it's not like what I thought mattered in the first place. So whatever complaints I had went unheard.

Anyway, the strange thing about Kaworu was how quickly he connected with Unit-02. It took me weeks to connect with my Eva, and Rei months to connect with hers, so Kaworu's case was unusual. What made it even stranger was how his sync score always tied with mine. I have no doubt he could easily surpass my score, yet didn't for some reason.

"You all can relax now," Maya reports. "The test is over."

I let out a sigh. I was really hoping this test would last longer.

As I was exiting Unit-01, I heard Maya telling Kaworu to remain in Unit-02 a bit longer. Thank goodness for that, I don't want to be around that guy.

I exit the testing area, attempting to head directly toward the locker room. That's when Misato catches my eye. She wasn't exactly standing in my way, but she was standing in such a way that I was forced to interact with her.

I speak before she says anything.

"I won't be home tonight."

A pause.

"Where will you be staying," she asks.

I take a moment to think, then roll my eyes.

"I'm not running away if that's what you're thinking," I responded, not bothering to look at the woman. "There's nowhere left to go."

I push past the woman. "I'll call if I need you."

When I finally reach the locker room, I strip myself of the plugsuit and immediately take a shower.

I must've been in that shower for around thirty minutes. Or, maybe it's been longer. It's not like I've been keeping track of time. I mean, what would be the point?

I have. . .nothing left.

The warm water continues to roll over my body as I let out a sigh.

I really do have shit luck. Why couldn't things stay as they were? I was happy. I was actually fucking happy! In this shithole of a world, I actually found someone that made me not feel like complete shit! But then. . . that stupid Angel came along and ruined everything! It hurt Asuka, and my incompetence made things worst. She was the only person I had left that brought me joy, and she was taken away from me! Then Misato tried that little "stunt", revealing I couldn't even trust that woman. Hell, even my ability to run away was taken away from me! There's no way to get home, Ritsuko made that very clear. So I'm stuck in this shitty situation, living this shitty life, on this shitty excuse for a planet!

I breathe in deeply, then slowly exhale.

Did I ever have control over my life?

I shut off the shower, dry myself off, then get dressed. As I'm putting on a shirt, someone enters the locker room. It's probably Rei. That assumption is quickly proven wrong as I spot a white haired boy wearing a black plugsuit.

"Kaworu," I say in a blank tone.

Upon hearing me, he gives a curious expression. Eventually, that expression morphs into a smirk.

"It's good to see you too, Hart."

I let out a scoff to show that I'm annoyed. But, if I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm a bit creeped out by the guy. There's this inhuman aura surrounding him that's nearly suffocating. It's enough to make me sick.

"Don't call me by my last name," I demand, fully putting on my shirt. "It sounds weird coming from you."

He chuckles. "As you wish, Michael."

I go quiet for a second, before deciding to leave.

"The shower's all yours."

Kaworu lets out a sound of acknowledgement before saying something. "Let us talk properly the next time we meet. We have much to discuss."

I stop walking, and turn to the guy. He heads toward the showering area, not bothering to wait for my response.

I take a minute to think about what he said, then leave the locker room.

It's around six in the afternoon, so it's starting to get dark. Usually, I would be back at Misato's apartment, but I decided to stay at Nerv this time. Originally, I planned to spend the night here, until something unexpected happened.

Rei.

She showed up at the bench I was sitting on, and asked me to walk her home. That makes it the second time this version of Rei asked me to do something like that. Shaking off my initial shock, I agreed to walk her home.

Moments later, Rei and I are currently on a train heading toward Rei's neighborhood. We sat in comfortable silence as I took in my surroundings. At the moment, Rei and I are the only people on this train. It's no surprise that more people are leaving the city, I've made that observation several times before. Still, I'll never get used to how empty the train is. The train is always filled to the brim with people, and while annoying, it gives the city a sense of life.

Now, it's like the city's dead.

I scratch the back of my head, then grunt a bit.

"What do you think of the new pilot," I finally ask.

Rei blinks a few times then knits her eyebrows together.

"The sixth child is. . .odd," Rei explains. "His high synchronization ratio with Unit-02 is unnatural, and his sudden appearance is suspect."

She frowns. "We spoke briefly yesterday. He believes that I am similar to him. . ." She glances at me. "And that you are an anomaly."

That last sentence made me freeze.

"He knows where I come from?"

"Perhaps," Rei replies, returning her gaze back to whatever. "What are your opinions on pilot Nagisa?"

I grunt as I cross my arms.

"It's like you said," I start, "He's weird. I first met the guy when at the hospital wing, where he started rambling about how he finally got to meet me. That I might be able to answer his question. *Scoff* He then left, saying that he was 'out of time'."

Now that I think about it, Nerv staff has been keeping me far away from Kaworu. They are probably suspicious of the guy, and for good reason.

"He gives off a weird aura," I continue. "I'm pretty sure he's dangerous, so we both should be wary of the guy."

Rei nods in agreement.

We both go back to being silent, as we await our destination.

Upon arriving at our stop, we exit the train, and make our way to Rei's apartment. The walk to Rei's place was relatively enjoyable. Rei seemed to actually want to have a conversation, the problem was, we didn't have much to talk about. With school now over, and everything else having. . .gone to hell, we just ended up talking about piloting. Rei was careful not to bring up the past, particularly parts of the past involving her previous self. I really didn't want her to do that, not for me. She has no reason to be ashamed of what she is. She didn't do anything wrong.

We finally reach Rei's place, and upon reaching her doorstep, Rei pauses.

"Something the matter," I ask.

Rei shakes her head, then fully turns to me. "Where will you be staying?"

I bite the inside of my cheek then shrug.

"I'm not going back to Misato's place," I admit. "At least. . .not today."

I chuckle. "Don't worry, I'll find a place to stay. Perhaps somewhere at HQ?"

Rei goes quiet, then looks me in the eyes. Despite her blank expression, she seems hesitant.

"You may stay here tonight."

I'm taken aback by her offer.

I don't know why I'm so surprised she offered me her place to stay. At this point, I should've expected her to do something like this. Yet. . .it doesn't feel right. I mean, now that I think about it, it never felt right when someone helped me. Whenever someone helped me, and genuinely meant to help, it always ends with me feeling guilty. It always feels like they're putting too much effort into. . .I don't know.

It just feels like they're wasting their time.

No words exit out of my mouth, despite genuinely attempting to speak. The longer I remained silent, the more Rei's resolve seemed to fade.

She breaks eye contact and looks to the side. "I apologize. I was out of place to ask such a thing."

My voice returns. "Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for."

I place my hands on her shoulders. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It's just. . .I need to be alone."

Rei looks at me. She's completely focused, absorbing every word I'm saying.

"Everything's been going to hell," I continue. "Everything's gone. My family, my friends, my trust in Misato, my chance at returning home. . .Asuka. There's just nothing left." I shake my head. "It doesn't matter what anyone says or does, it's not something they can fix. I need to be alone, I need to figure this out on my own, because it's something only I can do. There's no point in wasting everyone's time."

Because no one can help me.

I look into Rei's eyes, and for what felt like a long time, I smile. Though, there's a hollowness to this action. "Thanks for trying to help me. I never really deserved your kindness, or anyone else's for that matter. . .but it was appreciated. It made me feel. . .good. Even for a short while."

I let go of Rei's shoulders. "See you tomorrow."

My back is turned to her, and I prepare to leave. That's when Rei grabs my hand. I may be imagining things, but I think her hand's shaking.

"You must endure it," she says. "Do not give in. Do not succumb to the pain."

I only smile in response. Gently, I pull away from her grip and walk away from the apartment.

I continue walking forward, destination unknown.

The last of the sun's light disappears over the horizon, allowing the night to take hold of Tokyo-3. Currently, I'm aimlessly walking across the city. I could quite easily go back to HQ to rest, but I refuse for some reason. I'm not looking to stay the night somewhere. Though, what exactly I'm looking for is anyone's guess.

The rainbow of neon color emitting from the city's lights imply there's life. Yet, the city remains silent. The sounds of footsteps or car horns which usually fill the area are now gone, replaced with the buzzing of street lights. Every building seemed to be empty. The buildings that actually did have people living in them were just as silent as the rest of the city. It was as if the people inside were afraid to awaken some horrible beast.

Ignoring the emptiness of the city, I come to a conclusion. This wouldn't be such a bad place to live. Once people come back to Tokyo-3, I can see myself having a relatively normal life here. Even though I can no longer go home, that doesn't mean I can't find a home here.

Right?

. . .

I'm just kidding myself. The only thing I am in this world is an Eva pilot. I'll never be normal. And I highly doubt Nerv, the government, or whatever else would let an "alien" roam around free.

Wandering deeper into the city, I come across something I thought I'd never see.

Across the street from me, snug tightly between two buildings, is a church.

During my entire time living here, I've never come across a single church. Then again, I wasn't exactly looking. Never had a reason to go to one.

Now that I think about it, even back home, I rarely went to church. Despite how religious my mother was, it was rare for her to drag my brother and I to a church. She worked a lot, so she barely had time for me or my brother, much less for church. So to scratch that religious "itch", she had us all watch some tv sermons.

I hated doing that.

She would force us to sit down and listen to some preacher drone on and on about nothing for an hour. She then would hoop and holler as if she was actually attending the sermon, which was annoying. The tv's volume was also unbearable. It was like mom thought that bursting our eardrums would somehow make my brother and I closer to God.

Yeah. . .she did a lot of things that didn't make sense.

Bringing my mind back to the present, I stare at the church across the street. I take a minute to think about what to do, before finally deciding. I roll my eyes, then head to the "house of God".

When inside the building, the first thing I noticed was the hint of incense. It wasn't a strong smell, suggesting it wasn't currently being burned. But, the smell did let me know the place was active until recently.

The second thing I noticed was that the church was empty. No pastor, no one praying in one of the pews, just an empty church. I almost wonder if the church was closed, then question if a church even can be closed. Filing those thoughts for later, I go further into the establishment.

The stained glass windows, each displaying a saint of some kind, let in a rainbow of color. The red carpeted floor was slightly stained, and the brick walls looked to have aged a bit. Overall, this place was old, yet well taken care of.

Continuing on my little journey, I reach the front of the church. There, I saw a wooden altar, and hanging just above that altar was a crucified Jesus. Once again, I scan the entire church and confirm that I'm alone.

This place must've been abandoned.

For a moment, I convince myself to go back to Misato's place, but something stops me. I stood still for a few seconds, let out an annoyed grunt, then walked to one of the pews. There, I got on my knees, clasped my hands together. . .and prayed.

"Hey," I start my prayer. "It's been a while since I've. . . been here."

I never really liked church, even though I've rarely gone to one. I didn't like being forced to "dress up", then forced to sit down, stand up, then kneel for an hour. Still, despite me being annoyed, I did enjoy the quieter moments. When everyone was silent, no psalms, no speaking, no hooping and hollering, just silence. Those were the times when. . .I don't know. I guess those were the times I felt safe.

I let out a sigh. "What am I doing here?" I then chuckle. "I already pray occasionally, so what's the difference in praying here? What, was I getting crappy reception before? Is the church some sort of radio tower?"

Silence is the only response I got. I rub the bridge of my nose while shaking my head.

"Sorry. It's just. . .I don't know what to do. Almost everyone and everything I cared about has been taken away from me, and whatever's left is about to be stolen. And the worst part. . .I can't do anything about that."

I let out a grunt. "I couldn't save Toji or Rei. I couldn't help Asuka. I can't even go home! I'm too weak to do anything useful, and I don't know if you brought me here as punishment or something but. . ."

For some reason, I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped that away.

"If you really can hear me. . .say something." I grab the cross around my neck. "Better yet, just take me home! I know that I've constantly complained about my time at home. That all I've ever did was complain, but I never wanted to end up here! I never wanted to end up with a scarred up face, dead friends, and a half-dead girlfriend!"

"I just. . .I want this all to be a dream. I want the pain to go away. I want to see my brother again." I look up to the ceiling, as if that would somehow make me better heard by God. "Please, just send me home. I. . .I don't belong here."

The entire area is quiet. No booming voice from the heavens to tell me what to do. No choir of angels to lead me to salvation. Just. Dead. Silence.

Almost like no one is listening.

My lips tighten as I feel my eyes burn.

"Fuck you," I say to the void. "I'll find my own way back."

Almost in a sarcastic act, I make the sign of the cross, then get on my feet. My phone rings, and looking at it, I see Misato's calling. I ignored the call and then sent a quick text to the woman.

I once again look at the pews, shrug, then lie down on one. The fabric on the pew's seat was rough, and I had to move around to get comfortable. The faint smell of incense tickled my nose, somehow bringing a sense of comfort. Despite how firm the pew's fabric was, I quickly got used to it. This isn't the first time I have slept in a church.

My eyes grow heavy, and I'm eventually transported into the world of sleep.

The sun's light, shining through the stained window, is what woke me up. When my eyes open, I'm initially confused. Then, for a brief moment, I entertained the idea that I had somehow returned home. When my mind finally started working, I came to my senses and realized that I just fell asleep inside a church. I'm still stuck in this world.

Now fully awake, the sound of humming catches my ear. Slowly rising from the pew, I spot a white haired boy standing in front of the altar, staring at a crucified Jesus.

What's he doing here?

"Hope is such an interesting concept," the boy says suddenly, somehow alerted to me waking up. "The idea of desiring something, and expecting that desire to manifest itself into existence, is an almost childish belief. Yet, all lilin seem to worship that concept, in one way or another."

I stare at Kaworu for a while. For some reason I'm unable to speak. It's as if my mind is incapable of forming a thought.

Kaworu turns his head slightly in my direction.

"Did you know that heaven and hell are rarely mentioned in the Hebrew bible," Kaworu continued. "Instead, all life, whether righteous or wicked, were sent to the same place after death. Sheol, the realm of darkness. No paradise, no eternal damnation, just a realm of nothingness."

A short chuckle escaped his lips. "Perhaps such a revelation brought horror upon the lilin who heard it. After all, how can there be hope if there's no salvation for the righteous, and damnation for the wicked? Is it any wonder that heaven and hell became a very popular subject later on in the bible?"

Kaworu fully turns to me, a smile painting his face. "It's quite fascinating how the lilin mind works. They create songs, monuments, weapons of war, all in pursuit of hope. Hope of receiving salvation, hope of gaining riches, or hope of returning to where one belongs. Though interesting, more often than not, what most lilin chase is a false hope."

I take a moment to let his words sink in. Several thoughts enter my head such as how he found me, or why he decided to get all philosophical with me. Though at the moment, only one question jumps out my throat.

"Lilin?"

His smile widens. "Those who are born of Lilith. In this context, humans."

I pause for a moment, then ask another question.

"What are you doing here?"

Kaworu walks away from the altar as a thoughtful expression paints his face.

"Like I said yesterday, I want to have a proper conversation with you." He frowns slightly. "Unfortunately, I was unsure how to approach you. That, and we both were under constant watch."

He folds his hands behind his back, his smile returning. "But now, it seems we have some time to ourselves."

I roll my eyes. "Fine, let's talk outside."

I walk out of the church and Kaworu follows. Once outside, I immediately get into the meat of things.

"You're not human, are you?"

He chuckles. "I could ask you the same question, Michael."

I give him a confused look, which seems to amuse him.

"All life on this planet hails from Lilith. As such, all life possesses what the lilin call an A.T. Field." He looks me in the eyes. "Even life that does not hail from Lilith, such as the Angels, possesses an A.T. Field."

I scoff. "So you want to figure out what makes me so special. Is that it?"

He shrugs. "In a way, yes. Dr. Akagi's research on your physiology has been a great help in gaining insight. Yet, there are some things you can only know by simply asking."

I cross my arms. "Okay then, ask away."

"Do you know why you can pilot Unit-01?"

I open my mouth, but no words come up. Every time I try to conjure an answer, I come up with a blank.

"Odd," there's a bit of disappointment mixed into his voice. "I thought you would have noticed. Well then, let me ask you this. Do you know what's inside the Eva?"

I find my voice. "According to Ritsuko, human souls are inside each Evangelion."

"That's correct," Kaworu responds. "The soul of each Eva must have a strong connection to the pilot, an almost maternal instinct to protect the pilot at any cost. That is why not just anyone can pilot the Eva, for the soul of the Eva must recognize the pilot as someone worth protecting."

Kaworu pauses, then looks to the sky. "Inside Unit-01 rests the soul of Yui Ikari, Shinji's mother." That statement caught me by surprise, but now that I think about it, that makes sense. Based on what I remember, it was always implied that Shinji's mom was somehow influencing Unit-01's actions. I can't believe I didn't figure it out until now. "Now think, an Eva only lets a pilot it recognizes take control of it, correct? So, why is Yui letting you pilot her?"

I take a minute to think and am unable to come up with an answer. It's frustrating. Ever since I first got into Unit-01, I always wondered why I could pilot it. I was told it should be impossible for some random child to pilot an Eva, yet for some reason, I can pilot Unit-01 with little difficulty. Why is that?

Then I remembered something.

Ever since day one, I've been having weird dreams. Recently. . .those dreams involved Shinji.

"He's alive?" I ask, sounding slightly out of breath. "Shinji's alive?"

"In a way," Kaworu explains. "There exists two souls inside of you. More accurately, a full soul and a fragment of one." He points two fingers in the air. "One soul, is your own, the fragment, is Shinji Ikari. It is that single fragment that Unit-01 recognizes and is willing to protect."

Everything goes silent, my throat goes dry as my eyes refuse to focus on anything. I grab my chest, as if attempting to feel that fragment Kaworu was talking about.

A part of Shinji was with me, all this time?

It explains. . .everything. It explains how I was able to see some of his memories. It explains why I can pilot Unit-01. Hell, it probably explains why I can speak Japanese! But. . .if a part of Shinji really does live within me, then does that mean that I can somehow bring him back?

Taking myself out of my thoughts, I manage to bring myself back to reality. I know Kaworu's not human, so that must mean. . .

"You're an Angel," I state.

His only response is to smile.

With that being confirmed, I immediately became on guard. "If you're an Angel, then why haven't you gone on a rampage? Why am I still alive? I'm pretty sure taking a pilot out of the picture would make your job easier."

He shrugs. "I admit, I was sent here with a specific mission in mind. Though, I am free to decide when and how I should act. I simply wish to see what this world has to offer before heralding its end."

I still keep an eye on the guy, but calm down a bit. I don't sense any murderous intent. "Why do the Angels want to destroy humanity?"

"Because it is our right," he responds. "Just as it is humanity's right to destroy the Angels."

He frowns. "The children of Adam and the children of Lilith can not coexist. As such, we are destined to destroy one another. It's an everlasting cycle of conflict, which will only end once all of creation falls."

The aura around him changes, even though his expression hasn't. "Though, you are different. Perhaps. . .you shall be the one to end this conflict."

I'm taken aback. "What do you mean?"

He opens his mouth to speak, then stops, as if something caught his eye.

"It seems we are out of time," he states. Before I knew it, the guy was right beside me. I didn't even see him move. He just. . .appeared.

He leans in and whispers in my ear. "It's time to decide whether or not this world is worth saving." A pause. "Soryu's life may depend on it."

My eyes widened, then rage filled my veins. I turn to look at the guy, but. . .he's gone.

A few seconds later Nerv vehicles rush to where I am. Several Nerv agents exited their cars to surround me, while others went off to search for something. Once they see that I'm the only one here, they quickly escort me to one of the cars, and send me to Nerv.

During this entire process, Kaworu's words echo in my head.

After Nerv agents came to pick me up, I spent the next day confined at Nerv HQ. Eventually, Misato came by, was informed of what had happened, and took me "home". Guess Nerv really did not want me to be around Kaworu.

A few days have passed since my last conversation with Kaworu. That conversation kept repeating itself in my head over and over again, causing me to lose some sleep. There were multiple times when I attempted to speak to Shinji in my dreams, to ask him if there was a way I could help him. But he never answers, and for some reason, that bothered me. Misato obviously noticed my change in demeanor, but wisely stayed out of my business. She knew that she was the last person I wanted to see at the moment.

Anyway, I spent these last few days either visiting Asuka, or undergoing sync tests. After Kaworu's subtle threat, I wanted to make sure she was as safe as possible. It didn't take much convincing to get Nerv staff to beef up security around Asuka's hospital room. Still, I made it my mission to keep Asuka company.

At the moment. . .she and Rei are all I have left.

Today's a weekend, which means. . .nothing really. Pretty much everything in the city is closed, and what's open are things I'm not interested in. So I decided to stay in bed in order to make up for my lack of sleep. Misato's not at the apartment right now, still at work discussing "highly important stuff".

Her words, not mine.

It was sometime in the afternoon before I decided to get out of bed. After a quick shower and breakfast, I make my way to Nerv to visit Asuka.

A thirty minute train ride later, I arrived at Nerv's hospital wing. Upon entering the hospital and approaching Asuka's room, I noticed two security guards standing in front of Asuka's front door. I still wish they brought more guards, but I guess this will do.

Nodding at the guards, they open the door. On the other side, I spot a woman sitting near Asuka's bed.

Misato.

A scowl carves into my face as I quickly approach Misato. The woman, noticing my presence, froze at the sight of me. I stop a few feet in front of her, and glare at the woman. Misato, in turn, stares back. The room is drowned in silence between our staring contest. The only occasional break in that silence is the beeping of Asuka's heart monitor.

"Get out," I growl at the woman.

Misato's expression changes from one of surprise, to offended.

"Please, not now." Her expression becomes stern. "Not in front of her."

"I won't ask again."

Misato wants to yell, I can tell. Instead of doing that, she breathes in deeply, then slowly exhales.

"Outside, now." Her tone was harsh, direct, and straight to the point. She then gets out of her seat, and before I can say anything, grabs me by the arm, and drags me out of the room.

When in the hallway, she commends the two security guards to leave the area. Neither of them dared to question Misato, so they left immediately. Now alone, she lets go of me, crosses her arms then sends me a glare. In response, I sent a glare of my own.

"I can tolerate a lot of things," Misato starts. "But what I won't tolerate is you starting a fight in a hospital."

I'm about to say something, but she cuts me off.

"I'm not done yet." Her voice had an edge to it that I'm unfamiliar with. I don't think I've ever heard that sharpness in her tone. "I get that you're upset. . .but that doesn't excuse your behavior. You have no right to tell me where I can and can not be. I am the adult here, so remember that the next time you decide to mouth off. I have as much right to be here as you."

"Fuck you," I respond. "I don't care what you think you have the right to do!"

"Don't you raise your voice at me," she nearly yells.

"What are you gonna do about it?!" I challenge her.

She kneels to my eye level. "Don't. . .push your luck."

I laughed in her face. "Look at you, pretending you have some sort of moral high ground. Pedophile."

A loud smack echoes throughout the hall as my left cheek stings. Just as quickly as the pain arrived, it disappeared. Slowly, I look at the woman who slapped me, her hand still hanging in the air.

The mask she was wearing this entire exchange splits in two, as her jaw quivers. She grabs her right hand, the one she used to slap me, and stares at it. It was as if that hand was some kind of cancer.

She looked disgusted.

"I know what I did was wrong," she says. "I know it was disgusting of me to take advantage of your trust like that. But. . .I just didn't know what to do. When I saw how devastated you were when you found out you couldn't return home, I knew I had to do something. I. . .I thought-"

"What?!" I question. "That fucking me would magically fix all my problems?! You thought that I would stoop that low while Asuka was in a coma?! That-"

"I GET IT OKAY?!" Her hand covers a part of her face. "I fucked up! I'm a shitty excuse for a human being! But. . .please understand. I'm doing the best I can." Her voice is shaking a bit. "I'm. . .doing the best I can."

A bit of guilt worms its way into my heart, but something inside stomps it out. It's more than about forgiving her or not. It's about trust. Trust that she had broken.

"I don't want to see you again," I tell her. That broke her heart, and at the same time, something inside me broke. "As soon as I get the chance. . .I'm moving back to Nerv."

She was silent for a good minute, then she shook her head. "If that is what you want. . .then I'll support you."

She walks past me. "I'll leave you and Asuka alone."

As she walked away from me, a thought popped in my head. After letting that thought settle, I decided to put the thought into words.

"Kaworu's an Angel," I say just loud enough for her to hear.

There was a long pause.

"I know."

She then leaves me in the hall, alone.

I spent the entire day watching over Asuka. Nothing much changed about her condition. She's still in a catatonic state, and there's nothing I can do about it. Based on what I remember from home, I think Asuka will eventually wake up. But, there's no way to know for sure. The circumstances that put her in this situation are different from the show, movie, or whatever.

Really, it's pointless for me to be here. Nerv will protect Asuka, and my presence obviously isn't making her any better. Still, it's something to do. It keeps the more. . .macabre thoughts out of my head.

I never really talked about this, mainly because I didn't realize it until now. . .but I changed. Back home, I kept to myself. I never raised my voice, or talked back to anyone. I just sat down and shut up. But now, I'm more outspoken. Hell, I might go as far to say that I've gained confidence. Yet, I also noticed how. . .violent I can be.

Anytime I'm pushed, prodded, or inconvenienced, the first thing I want to do is hurt someone. It's like that every single time. Maybe piloting has changed me. Perhaps Shinji's soul fusing with my own affected my personality. That makes sense, right?

. . .

I'm making excuses. I've always been this way.

When I first met Toji, the first thing I tried to do was kill him. That had nothing to do with piloting or Shinji, that was all me. When I wrapped my hands around his neck, watching the life drain from his eyes, I smiled. Hell, when I got into a fight with my brother some time back, I did the exact same thing. It's a miracle that I didn't kill them both, but it goes to show that I'm not normal. Normal people. . .do not act like that.

I was always like this. This world just made it easier to see that.

Some more time passes, as day turns to night. It was at that time when I got a text from a number I did not recognize. But, based on the contents of the text message, I knew it was from Kaworu. He wants me to meet him at the Eva cages.

It's obviously a trap of some kind, but I remember Kaworu wanted to discuss things with me further. And this could be the only way I could find out more about why I'm here, if there is a reason at all.

Still, it would be foolish to go without a plan of some kind. So, reluctantly, I looked through my phone's contacts, and called Misato. When she finally picked up her phone, we spent the next thirty minutes planning.

Moments later, I'm inside the Eva cages. Based on Kaworu's message, he's in a room overlooking Unit-02, so that's where I'm headed. After climbing a few flights of stairs, I enter the room Kaworu is in. The only thing of notice in the room are the computers and a large window, giving me a direct look at Unit-02. Standing in front of that window is Kaworu, back turned toward me.

Inhaling deeply, I steady myself.

"Why did you call me here?"

I can almost feel his smirk. "Did you have time to think about what I said?"

My eyes narrow. "Which part? The part about me carrying Shinji's soul, or the part where you threatened Asuka?"

He turns his head toward me. "You believe I threatened pilot Soryu?"

"Your comment before you left implied as much," I reply, still attempting to look calm.

He hums out a thought. "I suppose in a way, what I said was a threat. Though, in reality, I was simply using Soryu as motivation for you to finally decide. After all, you seem quite fond of her."

I let out a growl. "Decide on what? Stop speaking in riddles and just tell me what you want!"

He stares at me for a while then sighs, as if he was disappointed.

"As you wish." He fully turns to me, giving his full attention. "What I want is to finish our conversation from earlier." He looks to the side. "This may be the last time I get to do such a thing."

He adopts a somewhat serious expression. "I assume Dr. Akagi mentioned the A.T. Void Theory to you."

It takes a moment to figure out what he's talking about. "Yeah, though she didn't go into great detail. Something about me exploding due to not having an A.T. Field."

"A crude explanation," Kaworu informs. "But more or less correct. What the theory predicts is that a living creature without a field will act as a vacuum, absorbing the A.T. Fields of every living thing in the surrounding area. This 'field energy' would seep into every cell, into every molecule of the creature until it becomes too much, resulting in an explosion rivaling that of a nuclear weapon."

That's. . .concerning. "Cool, but the theory is incorrect. None of that happened."

"Is that what you think?" The guy sounds amused. "After all, did not Unit-01 show its ability to absorb A.T. Fields after its transformation? A transformation that you caused?"

I don't say anything.

"You're not human based on the standards of this world," Kaworu continues. "But. . .you aren't fully what you were before entering our reality, your existence is proof of that. You were. . .changed."

Changed? What exactly does he mean by that?

I look at my scarred hand, attempting to see what kind of change Kaworu was talking about.

"Why are you telling me this," I finally ask.

He shrugs. "Like I said, I find simply talking to others to be the best way to gather information." He takes a glance at the window behind him, staring at Unit-02. "I'm a bit disappointed that I did not get the chance to meet Shinji. I feel like he and I would get along fairly well."

"Perhaps I thought I could get closer to him through you," Kaworu continues. "Perhaps I thought I could learn more about humanity through his eyes." He shakes his head. "Even though I never met Shinji, I feel like I was created specifically for him. As if. . .he was my purpose. Though at this point, what I'm clinging to is a false hope."

I blink a few times, then let out an exhale. "So, what now?"

He goes quiet for a few seconds. "We both need to fulfill our roles. Like I told you earlier, you must decide whether or not this world is worth saving. I, on the other hand, must fuse with Adam, and herald humanity's end." He looks me in the eye as the aura around him changes. "So in the end, I am to be your opposition. And you. . .are to be my Satan."

As soon as he said that, I duck, confusing Kaworu. A fraction of a second later, a hail of bullets rained upon Kaworu! None of the projectiles reach him, as a wall of energy materializes in front of him.

He's distracted.

"Ah," he says. "You were a distraction."

Kaworu was about to say something, but was cut off by a loud bang. His eyes widened as he looked at his stomach, and saw blood pouring out of his new wound. Looking back at me, he now notices the gun I'm pointing at him.

"Huh."

I put a few more slugs into him before he could manifest his A.T. Field, causing him to collapse. Suddenly a bunch of Nerv employees burst into the room and dragged me out while gunning down Kaworu's unconscious body.

The Nerv employees try to hurry me to Unit-01. After all, I doubt that Kaworu was killed from something like that, but he should stay down long enough for me to get into my Eva. I can't help but think of how crazy this plan was. Yet, it was the only way for me to both take him down and get the information I wanted. Still, it was a stupidly dangerous thing to do.

My thoughts were interrupted as screams could be heard, followed by an explosion! That made the people around me nervous, so they ran faster while forming a protective bubble around me.

Then the floor collapsed.

Everyone fell, as a giant red fist collided with anything in its path, creating a sound similar to thunder.

When I hit the ground, I blacked out.

Huh? Where am I? The last thing I remember was falling then. . .nothing.

I get to my feet and realize that there's nothing around me. Just a white space with an endless horizon. Scanning the area once more, I spot something a few feet away from myself.

It's a kid my age, wearing a school uniform.

I finally realize where I am and recognize who I am looking at. I ran toward the person and grabbed him by the shoulders, as if I was afraid he would somehow disappear.

"Shinji," I breathe out.

He doesn't respond. Instead he has his eyes closed, seemingly trying to concentrate.

I stare at him for a second then let out a long exhale. "All this time, I thought you were a figment of my imagination. That you somehow was a manifestation of my guilt or something." I smile. "But, now that I know that you're real, perhaps I can help you. Maybe. . .I was sent here to put your soul back together. Perhaps that was what I supposed to be doing all this-"

"Go away."

I'm taken aback. "W-What?"

"I said go away," he says while keeping his eyes closed.

I go quiet for a second.

"I-I don't get it," I question. "You kept talking to me every chance you got. You kept reminding me of home and kept preaching about how this world is rotten. You were trying to help me, right?" I shake my head. "I know that you're in pain. I can feel it. So why. . .why are you pushing me away?"

He opens his eyes, then glares at me. A blue light is emitting from his eyes, causing me to feel a massive weight around my soul.

"You can't help me," he states. "The only way to "help" me. . .is for you to go home."

My jaw hangs slightly. "But. . .there's no way for me-"

"You don't know that." He cuts me off. He breathes in slowly then exhales while leaning his head back. "Looks like you're waking up."

Before I could question him the world went black.

When I regain consciousness, I find myself on the ground surrounded by rubble. Looking around me, I see bodies everywhere, causing my stomach to churn. Taking my attention away from the bodies, I look up, and see something shocking.

Unit-01 is leaning over me, protecting me from the falling debris.

Just how long was I out?

Before I could question things further, Unit-01 rested its hand near me. I look at the appendage, then back at the Eva. Without a second thought, I jump into the hand which carries me onto Unit-01's back, where I enter the entry plug. Breathing in the LCL, I turn on the radio to get updated on what's going on.

"Misato, I'm in Unit-01. What's happening?"

There seemed to be a bit of static going on the other end, but nonetheless, I got a response.

"Michael, you need to cut off the Angel's path," Misato says in a hurried tone. "It has taken control of Unit-02 and is heading straight for Terminal Dogma!"

"Got it!"

I take in a few breaths then let out a yell. Unit-01, in turn, lets out a roar.

Now fully in control, I command my Eva to burst through the debris it was buried under then run. I crash through several walls and structures, content with not letting Kaworu start Third Impact. Eventually, I spotted Unit-02 standing in my path.

"Ah, so you've come," the red Eva speaks in Kaworu's voice.

"Get out of the way!" I yell while charging at Unit-02.

The offending Eva pulls out a Progressive Knife, charges, then stabs Unit-01 in the eye. The pain shot through me immediately, but it didn't stop me! I grabbed Unit-02 and pushed it through several metal structures in our path. When we reached a wall, I grabbed its head and slammed it a few times against that wall until I heard a crack! Unit-02 fell to the ground, dead.

Fire and adrenaline was running through my veins, so I was frantically looking for Kaworu. Misato chimes in over the radio, informing me that Kaworu was taking an access route leading to Terminal Dogma. With this new information, I ran to where the access route was. Reaching the route, I spot a large, seemingly bottomless pit.

Guess that's where Kaworu is.

Without a second thought, I jumped into the pit.

About a minute into my descent, I spotted Kaworu, using his A.T. Field to slow his fall. The pale teenager, just now noticing me, looks up at me. A smile is painted on his face.

I let out a growl as I commanded Unit-01 to grab him. My Eva nearly crushes Kaworu, but a field of energy suddenly appears around him, blocking Unit-01's attack.

"You gave me quite a scare back there," Kaworu says in an almost joking manner. "Nothing has ever pierced my body before. It honestly was quite. . .uncomfortable."

I command my Eva to extract its Progressive Knife and prepare to pierce Kaworu's A.T. Field, but then I feel a sudden weight on my back, followed by a stabbing pain! I looked behind and was shocked at what I saw.

Unit-02, somehow still functional, has grabbed my Eva and is now sticking a Prog. Knife in Unit-01's back!

"Shit!"

Unit-02 wraps its arm around my Eva's neck, then squeezes. Suddenly, my neck tightens, preventing me from getting any oxygen.

"You know, I always found you quite strange," Kaworu says casually, as if he isn't trying to get me killed.

I want to scream a curse at him, but I can't. I can barely breathe at the moment.

"The light of one's soul, the 'A.T. Field' as the lilin call it, is a way to keep oneself separate from others. A sanctuary where no one but the self is allowed to enter. A way to protect oneself from pain."

"But you are different," Kaworu continued as Unit-02 tightens its grip around my neck. "You lack a field of any kind. You should not have the desire to separate yourself from others, yet you do so anyway." He shakes his head. "You tell yourself that you do not want to hurt anyone, yet you are often the source of others' pain. You claim that you are willing to change, yet you repeat the same mistakes over and over again."

Struggling against Unit-02's grip, I manage to get out a few words.

"You. . .don't. . .know me!"

He hums a little then continues his little speech. "The truth is, you don't want to change. You don't want to stop hurting others, because that is where you get your power. It is your shield, in a sense, that is you 'A.T. Field'. You take all the anger inside of yourself and force it on others to make yourself feel powerful. Yet in the end, the only thing you accomplish is causing yourself more pain."

"Shut up! ! !" I scream at him! I again attempt to get out of Unit-02's grip, but once again it keeps it's arm around my neck, squeezing even tighter.

My vision is getting blurry.

Kaworu, meanwhile, just stares at me. He looks disappointed, almost bored that I was about to pass out.

"Is this the extent of your will? Do you really intend on letting me destroy humanity?"

He stares at me, expecting me to say something. But I literally can't say anything, not with this "noose" around my neck!

"I guess the lives of the lilin mean little to you." He turns his back to me. "It is such a shame. If you had lived, you could have returned home."

My heart stops as everything around me freezes.

I manage to force myself to speak. "What. . .what did you say?"

He says nothing. That pisses me off.

"Hey. . .I asked you a question!" Fire starts bubbling beneath my skin. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY? ! ? !"

Red flames burst around me as well as Unit-01! I'm in immediate pain, but ignore it as I use the flames to push Unit-02 off of me!

Now free, I throw a punch at Kaworu, but he blocks it with his A.T. Field. In response, I grab his field and start absorbing it, shocking the Angel!

"RAHHHH! ! !" I let out a roar as Unit-01 opens its mouth, and shoots out an energy bomb at Kaworu.

For a brief moment, everything becomes white as an explosion echoes through the vertical shaft. I briefly become unconscious, only waking up when my Eva finally hits the ground, followed quickly by Unit-02's limp body.

The red flames disappeared, but it still feels like my body's on fire. Everything's tinder to the touch. Shit! Parts of my left hand were burned, and the LCL is bubbling around me! Despite all of that, I wasn't damaged too badly.

Commanding Unit-01 to look around, I see that I've landed in a large area with white pillars dotting the place. Looking directly in front of me, I see a large metal door with a bunch of symbols on it. And floating in front of that door, is an injured Kaworu.

Ignoring the pain, I command Unit-01 to get to its feet. In response, Kaworu raises his hand.

An invisible force collided with Unit-01, causing its left leg to snap in two! I let out a painful scream, as I crashed to the ground. The large doors in front of Kaworu open up as he floats inside.

Get up! Get up! Get up! ! !

Mustering up any strength I have left, I use Unit-01's working limbs to crawl and jump my way into the room Kaworu floated into. Crashing into the room, I'm greeted with a sea of LCL, and at the far end of the room was a pale, humanoid creature the size of an Eva, hanging from a cross.

Adam. . .or, is it Lilith?

I was briefly mesmerized by that thing before realizing Kaworu was floating in front of the creature. Though, Kaworu wasn't doing anything. He was just. . .staring at the creature.

Seeing my chance, I charged at Kaworu and grabbed him. But I didn't kill him. No, he still needs to answer a few questions!

"You know how I can get home, don't you?!" I scream at Kaworu.

He says nothing. He just gives a sympathetic smile.

Rage once again returns to me as I start squeezing. That causes him to look slightly uncomfortable.

"My sync ratio is extremely high right now," I manage to say coolly. "That means I have an inhuman degree of control over my Eva. I can break every bone in your body without killing you, so you better answer my question!" I bring Kaworu closer to Unit-01's face. "What do you know about me going home?"

He closes his eyes, and breathes in slowly.

"Are you sure you want me to answer? It may lead to you being in more pai-"

I squeeze more, cutting his little speech short.

"You were trying to kill me and the rest of humanity seconds ago! Don't fucking pretend that you care about my well-being, so just answer the fucking question!"

He goes silent, then adopts a serious expression.

"In order for you to return home, you must start Third Impact."

"Don't lie to me," I growl at him. "You expect me to believe that letting you fuse with that thing will get me home?!"

"I didn't say that I, or any of the Angels, must start Third Impact," he clarifies. "I said that you must start it."

I go quiet for a few seconds, then demand Kaworu explain.

"As you know, when Shinji Ikari fought Sachiel, the Angel self-destructed, killing the pilot." He closes his eyes. "But what you, as well as Nerv, didn't realize was that Unit-01 went through drastic measures to save Shinji. Yui Ikari somehow was able to interact with Sachiel's S2 organ, causing a miniature Third Impact. It was that action which saved a part of Shinji's soul, and what pulled you into this world. So in order to return to your world, you must create a Third Impact."

That. . .that is too much. From what I got, Shinji nearly caused Third Impact when he died, which brought me here. So in order to go back. . .I need to do something similar?

"Even. . .even if I chose to believe you, I don't know how to start Third Impact." I let out a nervous chuckle. "What, do I just stick my hand in that monster you were trying to fuse with?"

This causes Kaworu to silently laugh.

"You've always had the power to cause Third Impact. Every time you entered Unit-01, you had the ability to return home."

My throat goes dry. "What do you mean?"

"When you absorbed Shinji's soul, you also absorbed a part of Sachiel's S2 organ. The Angel's core has fused into your very cells, allowing you to regulate A.T. Fields which, consequently, is what's keeping you alive. And, as our fight had shown, is what causes your Eva to transform." He pauses to allow me to absorb the information before continuing. "You possess the 'Fruit of Life', and Unit-01, being made from the flesh of Lilith, possesses the 'Fruit of Knowledge'. This is the minimal requirements needed to attain the powers of a god, granting you one wish. Though, the sacrifice needed to attain such a wish, is the extinction of all life on this planet."

"So, now I ask you this." He stares through me, as if looking into my very soul. "Do you wish to be this world's savior, and abandon your only chance to return home? Or, do you plan to be its Satan, and drown the world in darkness in order to fulfill your wish?" He shrugs. "The choice is yours."

I take a long hard look at Kaworu and contemplate every word he spoke. A well of emotions swirled within me, begging to bubble to the surface. Begging for me to act out. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, one thought managed to knock against the back of my head.

I squeezed Kaworu until his body was mangled, until his head popped off.

I felt nothing.

Life went on.

After killing Kaworu, I returned from Terminal Dogma and had to report on what had happened down there. Apparently, Kaworu somehow managed to shut down communications, so no one but me knew about what happened in Terminal Dogma. Anyway, after I was done with that, I went to sleep in one of the rooms at Nerv.

Nobody bothered me.

The next day came and went. Nobody talked to me, and I was needed nowhere. So all I did that day was occasionally wander around Nerv. I still haven't returned to Misato's place, so the only time I've seen her was when she was called down to HQ to do some work. She didn't say anything to me, and I didn't say anything to her. I was perfectly fine with this routine of ours.

Besides, I still have a lot to think about.

Today, I felt the need to leave Nerv. So when day turned to night, I left the place and entered a church. The same church I had met Kaworu at.

I didn't say anything upon entering the empty building. No prayers of forgiveness or insight. No begging and pleading to God. Just silence as I take my seat in one of the pews. I clasp my hands together, and hang my head in resignation. I stay like that for hours without a single word being spoken, or thought being produced.

The sound of the church's door opening is what brings me out of my trance. Glancing behind me, I see that it's Misato. I go back to thinking about nothing.

She walks up to where I am, and just stands there. She's probably staring at me, I don't bother looking so see if that's the case. We both remain quiet until I decide to break the silence.

"Came here to molest me," I say in a sarcastic tone.

Misato lets out a sigh. She's done trying to justify herself to me.

"You know you did nothing wrong, right?"

Ah, so that's what she wants to talk about.

"So I've been told," I responded, not giving her any insight into my thoughts.

"I mean it," she says in a more resolute tone. "I know that Kaworu looked human but. . .he was an Angel. You did what was necessary to ensure humanity's survival."

I let out a false laugh. "Might not want to mention anything about killing Angels in a place like this." I point to the ceiling. "The Big man upstairs might get pissed."

I start biting the inside of my cheek while shifting my weight on the pew. "You know that you're a shitty person, right?" At that, I see Misato flinch, causing me to shake my head. "The funny thing is. . .I'm no better."

For the first time, I looked at Misato directly. She seems confused at where I'm going with this. "You think I killed Kaworu because he was an Angel, but that's not the whole truth. The reason I killed him was because I hated him." I run my fingers through my hair, letting out a semi-genuine laugh. "He told me that I enjoy hurting people. That it's a way for me to feel better about myself. The funny thing is that it's not the first time I heard this said about me. Every time I get pissed off, the first thing I resort to is violence."

I lower my head. "Back home, I was so pathetic. I never raised my voice, or spoke my thoughts, or anything like that. I just kept quiet and did what I was told without thinking. Yet, even back then, I was angry at everyone and everything. I hated how loud people were. I hated how irritating and arrogant they could be, but I could do nothing about that. So I got angry. I was angry at how helpless I was, so when I got transported into this world, I had the perfect excuse to unleash what was really inside of me."

"I like hurting people." That statement caused Misato to shutter. She was gonna say something but I stopped her. "Angels aren't people, they're more like animals than anything else, and killing those things overall benefits humanity. Still doesn't change the fact that I enjoyed killing them, like a psycho who starts with animals before moving to people. Heh, killing Angels, 'saving the world', was just an excuse for me to hurt something. It was just an excuse to release all my bottled rage. I only just now realized that. And don't tell me that I'm not like that, because you're just lying to yourself."

I put a hand to my head. "In my first three weeks in this world, I attempted to kill Toji, and I had a smile on my face. Months later, I actually did end up killing Toji, and I only felt bad because he was someone I knew." I shrug. "If it was anyone else, I would've quickly got over it. Instead, I got angry and attempted to kill you and Asuka. And make no mistake, that was exactly what I was trying to do then."

I start laughing even more. "And recently, I tried to kill Ritsuko when she told me the truth about me returning home. I didn't even hesitate! I just wrestled the gun away from you then pulled the trigger! Shit, I can't believe I didn't see it earlier. How it became easier for me to want to hurt, tear, kill maim, just to make myself feel better. Maybe that's why God sent me here. To reveal what's really inside me! That-"

Misato grabs my shoulders, shaking me out of my rant. "Stop! Just. . .stop. Everything will be okay, you hear me? We stopped the last Angel, you don't have to fight anymore. You won't have to pilot anymore. You can have a normal life."

That caused me to snap.

"Normal?!" I push her away from me and stand up. "What fucking 'normal life' do I have to look forward to?! Asuka's in a coma due to my fuck up! Rei is dead and has been replaced with a clone! And my family back home probably thinks I'm dead! Nothing will ever be normal! ! !"

Once I calm down, I go back to my seat. "The world's going to hell. So why go on pretending anything's gonna get better?"

We both don't say anything to one another. Our conversation had basically come to an end. This made me think about a few things. Because I'm starting to remember what happened after Kaworu's death.

Nerv gets attacked, Asuka dies, and Third Impact somehow happens. The only major difference is my existence here, and Shinji's "death".

All this killing, all this death, has been preparing me for this moment. Perhaps that's why hurting people has become so easy; because I'm gonna have to hurt people again, one last time. I'm gonna need to cause Third Impact. . .which will kill everything on this planet.

. . .

Fuck it.

I just don't care anymore.

Author's Notes: It's been a while since I last updated. Sorry about that, was busy with life stuff. Anyway, I wanted to push this chapter out before the New Year came for me. Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter. Once again, Thomas correctly guess the artist in the last chapter. Good on you. Now, onto this chapter's hint.

Chapter 24: The name of the band in this chapter was used in the previous chapters; the band had also briefly changed their name to Plan 9 in the past. As for the name of this chapter's song, it is referenced in the title.

Oh, and before I forget, I saw one reviewer asking for clarification on Michael's appearance. So I created some sketches that I decided to show to you all. Just look at my profile where you'll find a link to the drawings. Though, I gotta warn you, they are pretty crappy. But they'll give you a general idea on what Michael looks like.

Thank you all for reading and have a Happy New Year.