Disclaimer: I do not own ANY part of ATLA in any way, shape, or form. I own NOTHING!

Chapter 13:

KATARA

There are too many. I know there are too many. In this camp alone, there is more disease, hunger, and anguish than I could ever hope to clear out. I am outnumbered. This is a battle I can never win, but that doesn't keep me from trying. That doesn't keep me from going tent to tent, family to family, and person to person and attempting to beat the odds.

Every bit counts, I tell myself.

It has to.

I make it to the next block just as rations are being distributed for lunch. I've learned that this is the best time for me to make myself available and to see who needs my help.

I weave through the crowds, wagons, and kiosks as I scan for any early signs of Fire Scourge. It typically starts as a rash that can easily go undetected, but over the week I've been here, I've trained myself to spot it.

There is a little girl toward the back of the line standing near who appears to be her older brother. Her tiny arm is wrapped tightly around a very mangled doll, and there is a distinct rash forming along the top of her hand.

I move to approach her, but I am stopped before I can get close. Someone grabs my wrist. I expect Zuko. Maybe I even want Zuko, but when I glance back, I see green eyes. Not gold.

Haru grabs my shoulders and forces me to face him. "Katara, you have to stop. You're gonna fall over if you don't."

I tense and try to pull away from him. "I can't…just stop…"

"Let's get something to eat at least. Okay? Just a little break?" He steers me out of the block toward our area of the camp, and I let him for a moment before I shrug him off again.

"I need to help that one little girl first." I point to her as she yawns and rubs at her rheumy eyes. "Then I'll go with you."

Haru lets out a heavy sigh but lets me go, knowing as well as I do that I won't be able to stop after only helping one little girl. One will become two, then two will become ten, and so on.

It is closer to dinner when I finally stop to eat lunch with Haru. We go to a nearby hillside on the outskirts of the camp. It reminds me of the dry orange afternoon we spent together back at his village shortly after we met. That feels like so long ago now. Another lifetime. But Haru is still easy to talk to. Patient. Reassuring. Steady.

"You know, Zuko isn't half bad," Haru says as he takes another bite of rice. "I didn't get to spend much time with him when we were all at the Western Air Temple. He isn't what I was expecting. I mean, he kind of is, but I think he genuinely cares and wants to help."

Haru was cautious of Zuko at first. It was clear he was leery of him and didn't want much to do with him, which I understand. After everything we've been through, it is hard to accept anyone Fire Nation, much less the son of the man who destroyed our world. But one day, Haru and Zuko were talking - at the very least attempting to. It is still hard for me to imagine Zuko and Haru having much to talk about, but they continuously prove me wrong.

"He does." I aimlessly stir my stew around in its bowl before putting it down. I'm not eating it anyway. "He's changed a lot. Even more so since the comet."

Zuko has taken a surprising amount of interest in this camp. He actively listens to these people and tries to learn as much as he can from them. He does little things to help around the camp and even joins Haru every time he invites him to socialize with others, something I hadn't been expecting.

Zuko being Zuko still keeps his distance. He only allows himself to get so involved or so close, but I am proud of him. He's come a long way. When we were with the caravan last summer, he never would have been this engaged.

"You have too," Haru adds, his head tilting slightly.

"Have I?" I look down at my hands as if they aren't mine. I don't feel that different, but I don't feel the same anymore either. I try to remember who I was before Aang died, and I struggle to find her. I think of when I first met Haru. I think of the prison rig. I even think of when Haru and I met again before the invasion, and I realize just how right he is.

I have changed.

A part of me died back in the Fire Nation. The girl who collapsed onto that lavish palace rug at the news of Aang's death was not the one who got back up. The girl Zuko pulled into his arms and helped back to her feet was someone different.

"You're still you, of course," he says quickly as if to correct himself. "I mean, look what you've done for this place." He motions back towards the camp. "Only you could make this much of an impact in such a short amount of time."

I offer a small smile. "It's still not enough."

Late that night, when I finish my rounds and I finally return to our area of the camp, I see Zuko and Haru talking to each other. They aren't around the campfire with the others like they normally are. They're off to themselves near our tents as Zuko paces with Korri in his arms.

I should let them know I'm here. I should make my presence known, but something stops me. Curiosity maybe? I want to know what they're saying.

"I've been meaning to ask… How is she? Really?"

I tuck myself away behind a nearby clothesline. Close enough to hear and hidden enough that I can see them but they can't see me. Momo, however, spots me immediately and flies right to me, perching himself on my shoulder. I shush him and give him some nuts out of my pocket.

Zuko lifts a shoulder. "As good as expected."

Haru gives a solemn nod. "I can't imagine how hard losing Aang was for her. He was everything to her."

Something twitches in Zuko's face. It is a flash of emotion, one I haven't seen much. It fades before I can properly recognize it. It vanishes as swiftly as it appeared, like it never happened at all.

"I try talking to her, but she's…distant." Haru aimlessly kicks a nearby rock.

"She's gotten worse since we've been here. This environment isn't good for her." Zuko shifts Korri up his chest. "But there's no talking to her when she gets like this."

Haru smiles wistfully and pats Korri's head. "She's nothing if not determined."

"Determined to work herself to death," Zuko huffs, the shadows of the nearby campfire dancing across his hard features.

I should be angry or upset, but I'm not. I understand that they're worried. And they aren't wrong. I am working myself into the ground. But they don't get it. It isn't that simple.

Yes, I am completely and utterly exhausted, but I can't stop. The pain will catch me if I stop. It'll take me down, and I don't know how long it will take me to get back up. And these people need me now. I owe them. I have to help this camp no matter what it takes.

Having heard enough, I walk up to them and offer a half-hearted smile like I didn't overhear their conversation. However, Zuko's expression makes me wonder if he knew I was there the whole time.

Korri is asleep on Zuko's chest, her mouth open, her drool leaving a wet spot on his shirt. I reach for her, but Zuko pulls away.

"You should let her stay with me tonight. You need a full night's rest," he says lowly but gives me a knowing, unforgiving look.

"I'm fine," I snap, causing Momo to bristle and Haru to stiffen uncomfortably. Haru takes a few steps back and turns away, unsure of what to do. He can't just walk off without making it weird but he doesn't want to awkwardly witness what's happening between Zuko and me either. Our bickering has put him in an impossible position.

"You're not," Zuko argues, his tone firm.

"I need her, okay?" I say lowly and reach for her again. "I've missed her, and I need to feel closer to Aang right now…"

My words cause Zuko to relent. His shoulders loosen, signaling that he will let me take her. And I do. I tuck her into my arms and nuzzle the top of her head as she continues to sleep peacefully.

"Katara…" Zuko says so softly that only I hear it.

"Don't." I pull Korri closer to my chest and go to my tent.

The next morning, I regret how I acted. As soon as I wake up, I get dressed, change Korri, and go looking for Zuko. I want to apologize. I want to explain myself.

I want to tell him everything.

"He's with Bumi," Haru says as he approaches Korri and me with breakfast and motions for us to sit down around the campfire with the others.

Zuko spends an unexpected amount of time with Bumi. He attempts to get more information out of him, but Bumi, for whatever reason, is keeping his cards close to his chest. He gives us scraps and riddles, which infuriates Zuko.

Korri and I join Haru by the campfire and eat our breakfast rations. Most of my focus stays on Bumi's tent, though. I keep checking for Zuko.

"I'm sorry about last night, Haru," I say as I give Korri the last bites of her mashed vegetables. She swallows and claps. "It was a long day and being back here has been so hard…"

"I appreciate the apology, but I understand. Really." Haru places a hand on my shoulder.

"I thought I was healing, but the Earth Kingdom has opened up all these wounds. Wounds I didn't even realize I had until everything here brought back all these memories… I always miss Aang. I will always miss him. But I miss him so much right now it is almost unbearable." I give Korri my hand and she squeezes my fingers. "Korri helps. Zuko still has his doubts about her being the Avatar, but I don't feel as separated from Aang when I'm with her. It's small, and it isn't the same, but it is still a piece of him here."

"I know what you mean." Haru leans forward, resting his elbows along his large knees. "I feel it sometimes too."

As I open my mouth to respond, Zuko blazes out of Bumi's tent, visibly frustrated. Momo emerges shortly after, scampering wildly through the dry dirt as he attempts to catch up with him.

"He's insane! I'll never understand how that man became king of anything." Zuko hauls his cowl over his head with a huff and storms off toward the Fire Colonies sector of the camp.

If Zuko isn't with Bumi, he is with the colonials. For all the obvious reasons, he has a particular interest in them. Plus, it is easier for him to hide amongst them. He blends right in with the other firebenders.

Haru catches me watching Zuko slowly vanish further into the camp. My face heats. I wonder - not for the first time - if he knows about Zuko and me. Can he tell? Is it obvious? I hate how transparent I feel. I hate how I have to bite down the urge to run after the Fire Prince.

I can't think about Zuko and all that comes with him. I can't deal with that with everything else going on. I can't go there. I'm not ready to confront it. Not yet.

Later, I tell myself. Later…

To distract myself, I take Korri to see Bumi and beg him to tell us stories about Aang.

As I treat person after person, ailment after ailment, I become increasingly aware of the fact that this isn't just about all the people that need me. It certainly contributes. I would be trying to help every single one of them regardless, but it is more than that. I am fending off pain, confusion, guilt, and shame.

My chest and head are infested with all kinds of horrible emotions and feelings. I can't sort through them all. Where would I even start? Do I begin with the return of my overwhelming grief and how much I miss Aang here? The fear of Dad's body rotting in a nameless field somewhere? The guilt I feel for turning my back on the Earth Kingdom after Sozin's Comet? The shame of defeat and the acceptance of the fact that I am no longer the girl who could save an entire village and rescue and entire prison rig? Or the confusing feelings I have for Zuko and the shame that accompanies them?

If I stay relentlessly busy, none of those things can catch me. I won't be overtaken yet. Even though I know that is inevitable. It will catch up with me eventually, and I'll have to deal with all that I repressed and ignored while I was in that bubble on Ember Island with Zuko and Korri.

But not yet. Not if I keep working. Not if I don't stop.

So I don't.

When was the last time I ate? When was the last time I slept? I don't remember. I can only remember the dry, cracked dirt beneath my feet, empty ration bowls, the dingy brown of the tents, feverish skin against my palms, clusters upon clusters of blisters, and the bloated dark blue clouds hanging low in the sky. And even those memories blend and bleed together until they are lost in the flow of time.

My head grows heavy. My bones become lead. My vision blurs. My body turns against me despite the fervent protests in my head, despite my heart's vehement demands to continue.

The healing glow leaves my hands. The water moves around lifelessly for a little longer before splashing onto the man's chest. I try to will it back up into my hands, but the water doesn't listen to me. It is as if Ty Lee has blocked my chi. I can only tug at its edges before it returns to the puddle.

I can't bend.

Panic takes hold of me as the man's family thanks me for healing him. At least, I think that's what they're saying. I'm not quite sure.

The next thing I know, I'm weaving through tents, falling into dirt and cracked mud. A fine mist of rain falls from the night sky. I can't feel my hands or my feet. The latter is a mercy. My feet are rubbed raw and covered in blisters, which I will not be able to heal now that I can no longer bend.

I can't take another step. Fatigue grabs hold of my joints and forces me to the ground.

This is it. It's finally happened. I can't run anymore.

A crack forms in my brain and a thick yet familiar blackness leaks out, spreading like Fire Scourge. My knees buckle and scrape along the rough rocks beneath me. I wrap my arms around myself and freeze. I shudder. Long uneven breaths slink in and out of me. I lift my knees to my chest and curl into a tight ball.

I no longer feel like I am here. I feel disconnected, like I am somewhere else, floating overhead. But my polluted mind is alive and downright ravenous, continuing to churn, swirling with all kinds of turmoil. I think about Aang, Korri, and the sea of people suffering and that will continue to suffer. Everyone I've failed. People I will not be able to help. There are more of them. I haven't even scratched the surface.

I feel warm hands on me. I recognize that warmth. It pulls me back down to the earth, and I find Zuko kneeling in front of me. His eyes glow in the heavy evening darkness around us.

"Are you finally done?" he asks. The question is loaded.

I stubbornly curl tighter into my ball, fighting to repress my shivers so he can't see them. "…I can't be done…"

"Then get up," he challenges, getting back to his feet and folding his arms over his chest.

Defiant, I puff my chest and suck in another jagged breath. It isn't smooth or pretty, but I manage to stand.

Zuko takes a couple steps back. "Walk."

I can't, so I just sit back down in the dirt. Defeated.

"That's what I thought," he says, but he doesn't sound angry.

"…I just need a minute."

Zuko gives me a minute and more. He stays intently until I stand. He guides me back to our side of the camp, his hand wrapping around the curve of my elbow and lingering near the small of my back even though I continuously slap them away. He doesn't leave my side until I am back inside my tent.

I collapse onto my bedroll and fight the urge to curl back into a ball. I try my best to keep it together with Zuko here, which is laughable. He's seen me at my worst, but I am not ready to admit how far I've run myself into the ground. Although, I think he already knows.

His golden eyes stay on me for a long time. I feel disappointment and concern rippling off him in waves. I don't like it, but I'm grateful he isn't like Sokka. There are no I-told-you-so's. He doesn't berate me. He just let all this play out naturally. He let me do this to myself knowing we would end up here.

"We're leaving tomorrow," he finally says.

"But-"

His eyes harden and his voice drops to a threatening, authoritative timbre. "We're leaving tomorrow."

I instinctively back away from him.

Even though he certainly has the ability to become a dark and threatening presence, he rarely does so. Especially with me. In fact, it's been so long since I've seen this side of him that I am taken off guard by how intense it is.

Before I can say anything else, he turns his back on me and leaves the tent.

Early the next morning, Zuko comes back into my tent with Korri. She beams at the sight of me and holds her chubby arms out. Zuko gently passes her to me in a way that feels like a peace offering.

"I told Haru and Bumi we are leaving," he says, and I frown. He is doing everything possible to force me to leave. "They're getting ostrich horses for us now."

"I can't leave, Zuko."

His eyes flare with anger, and the tent grows hot. "Why are you being like this? It is time to go!"

"I've already abandoned these people once. I can't do it again!"

The anger in his eyes is snuffed out as quickly as it appeared. "Is that what you think?"

"I turned my back on them, something I swore that I would never do. They needed me after the comet, and I turned my back on them… Instead of staying and helping, I ran off with you." The words ripple out of me. The first cracks in the dam.

"You went home to protect the next Avatar," he corrects, taking a step toward me. "You couldn't have stayed in the Earth Kingdom and done that at the same time. It would have been too late."

I shake my head. "Someone else from the White Lotus could have gone to the South Pole while I went to the heart of the Earth Kingdom and helped with the injured and the sick. But I didn't do that. I was selfish."

"Katara, you had to have time to heal. You were in no condition to help anyone after the comet. You couldn't have stayed here. It would have been too much for you. It's too much for you now!"

"It is not!" I exclaim so loudly Korri winces and whines. "I can handle this! I just need more time!"

"We don't have time! We need to find Sokka and I need to join my uncle and the White Lotus. Not to mention we still have to take care of Korri. Or do you no longer feel that the potential Avatar is your responsibility?" he challenges, his words acute and precise. He aims for my heart. "If that's the case, I'll take Korri with me to Gaoling and hand her off to the White Lotus there. Then you can stay here to your heart's content."

"No!" I cry, appalled, hurt, and furious.

The emotions swirl through me in a forceful, confusing torrent. I can't make sense of them. There are too many of them. I'm furious at Zuko for intentionally pushing my buttons, at the fact that he knows how to hurt me so well. I'm hurt at the thought of him leaving me like that and taking Korri with him. I'm appalled he thinks I would even consider it! But maybe he doesn't think that at all. Maybe he is calling my bluff. And the thought of that makes me even angrier.

"Then pack your things," he says flatly. He knows he's won.

Unable to look at Zuko, I pull Korri to my chest and pat her back to soothe her, but she doesn't calm down easily. All our yelling has her rattled. Now I feel guilty about that too.

Zuko kneels in front of me, grabs my chin, and turns my face to his. Still angry, I yank it out of his grip.

"Katara," he hums. His voice is gentle and affectionate. My heart warms at the sound of it despite the anger I feel. "You can come back. You will have other opportunities to help the Earth Kingdom. You haven't turned your back on these people. You never did."

I squeeze my eyes shut and pull Korri to my chest like a stuffed animal.

"But this isn't just about helping the Earth Kingdom, is it?"

My eyes rip open. I jolt as if he slapped me. No matter how many times he does it, I am always taken off guard when he sees into me. But how much has he seen? How much does he know? How much of my heart has been laid bare?

He looks at me so intently that I struggle to hold his gaze. I feel that familiar pull, that little tug in my stomach. The space between us grows smaller.

"Answer me, Katara."

"I just kept thinking that if I kept going, if I didn't stop, I wouldn't have to face how hard all of this is. I wouldn't have to feel all the pain, guilt, and grief that is still in me." I rub my eyes even though I'm not crying.

I wouldn't have to think about you or how you make me feel...

"I understand. That's how I felt after I was banished. That's some of the reason I was so obsessed with capturing the Avatar, especially at first."

Because Zuko and I are opposites in so many ways, it is easy for me to forget how much we have in common. But in moments like this, it is glaringly obvious. I'm grateful for these similarities, though. They make me feel less alone.

"I know I'm being irrational, but I can't help myself. Everything has gotten so hard and...complicated." My eyes flicker up to his.

I could be imagining it, but I think he sucks in a sharp breath. I've acknowledged us without really acknowledging us. And although my words are vague, it makes it more real. It takes form, manifests between us, and swells to the size of the tent.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, his voice low and soothing. It wraps around me like a warm blanket even though I don't fully understand what he is apologizing for.

Zuko tries to touch me again. This time I let him. He pulls one of my hands away from Korri and laces our fingers. The gesture is tiny yet comforting. The swarm in me - although still humming restlessly - quiets for the first time in days.

"I should go grab my things and check on the ostrich horses." Zuko gets back to his feet and runs a hand through his hair.

"Zuko?" I call as he opens the flaps of the tent. He stops but doesn't turn or look at me. "You weren't really going to take Korri and leave me here, were you?"

He glances back at me briefly before continuing out of the tent. "Of course not."

A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!