Chapter 55: Armed at the Altar
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It took finally moving away from her mansion in Beverly Hills for Rachel to realize that it had never truly felt like home to her. Here in the new house she had built with him, it felt so right. Even with the sparsely furnished rooms and some unfinished walls, it felt more like a home than Rachel had ever had in her life.
By the time Tina had come out to visit, they'd at least furnished all of the bedrooms, including some of the nursery, which Rachel had been excited to show off to her friend. It felt odd, yet pleasant, to be welcoming a new child into her life after so many years, especially now that her son was an adult. Tina's eyes lit up when she entered the space, bearing one too many gifts for the baby girl.
Rachel sat with Tina and Crystal on the floor of the nursery for hours, folding tiny clothes, setting up furniture pieces, organizing all of the infant essentials that she'd long forgotten would be necessary once she brought her baby home. It was obvious from the passion Tina showed that she was very much ready to become a mother herself. Even Crystal had a sparkle of longing in her eyes when she held up a tiny pair of pink booties and set them carefully in their drawer.
After some time, Crystal left them alone and Tina's expression became almost pained in a way Rachel rarely saw from her optimistic friend. When Rachel asked what was troubling her, Tina seemed hesitant to share, which was also out of character.
"I want you to be the godmother," Rachel blurted, seeking some way to bring the joy back into her friend's eyes.
Tina looked up in awe, her face flush with disbelief. "Me?"
"You're the closest thing I have to a sister these days, Tina," Rachel said, suppressing the twinge of sadness and shame she had when the thought of Nicki entered her mind.
Tina stared down at the tiny white christening dress she had been preparing to place neatly back into its box, and a tear fell down her cheek. "Rachel, I don't know what to say."
"Say 'yes,' honey."
"I'd be so honored," Tina whispered, her hands closing the lid over the dress. She stopped then, clutched the box with shaking fingers, and bowed her head, her red hair falling like a curtain to hide her face.
Rachel's mouth dropped open as her friend began to sob. Her instincts told her this reaction had nothing to do with being asked to be the godmother.
"Oh my God, honey, what is it?" Rachel scooted across the carpet on her knees to put her arm around her friend.
Tina began gasping for air around her sobs, rubbing her eyes furiously as the tears spilled down her round cheeks. "I can't… It's so embarrassing."
"There's nothing you can't tell me, Tina. Come on now, you can't start wailing like this and not tell me what's bothering you. I'm your best friend."
Rachel thought the tough love might have scared Tina further into her silence, but to her surprise the young woman finally looked up and revealed, "I think . . . I think Devon might be cheating on me."
Rachel's stomach twisted. In all the times she'd seen him, he seemed to treat his fiancée kindly enough, but there had always been something off about him. Frank had sensed it, Fletcher had sensed it – maybe she had just been too hopeful for her friend's happiness to believe it.
"What made you think that?" Rachel asked cautiously.
"He always gets nervous when I'm too close to him when he's on his phone, almost like he's trying to hide his texts from me. And I sometimes hear him on the phone late at night in the other room when he thinks I'm sleeping . . . And one time he said he was going out to bring food home for dinner and he ended up being out for almost four hours with no explanation." The trails of her tears caused her makeup to fade, revealing the dusting of freckles on her face.
Rachel's heart sank with every word. She knew the behaviors all too well, having been cheated on several times before.
"Have you tried to steal his phone yet?" Rachel presumed, resorting to the tactics she would have used.
Tina looked a little shocked. "No, I'm supposed to trust him."
"Exactly. And if he's giving you enough reasons not to trust him, then you gotta take matters into your own hands."
"I don't know. I'm too chicken."
"Shit, girl, if you could get me into your apartment I'd do it myself."
Tina spluttered a pathetic laugh and laid her head in her hands. "Oh, Rachel. . . our wedding is right around the corner . . . What am I gonna do?"
Rachel said firmly, "If I were you, I'd call the whole thing off."
"I can't back out now," Tina whined, staring up at the ceiling in agony.
"Like hell you can't. If this boy is gonna make you miserable for the rest of your life, you're better off kicking him to the curb now."
Tina looked thoughtfully over at Rachel. "I'd probably give someone else the same advice," she admitted, "But when it happens to you, it's just so damn hard to do."
"I know, sweetie, I've been there."
Tina was quiet for a moment while her fingers traced mindless shapes in the carpet. "You're so lucky you have a man who's loyal to you."
Though her confidence in Frank's fidelity was not in question, Rachel still felt there were a few things she could be crying about when it came to her own imperfect relationship.
"Frank and I have our own problems, honey," Rachel sighed, rubbing her hand over her friend's back. "Trust me, we've got a lot to work on."
Tina sniffled and curled up against Rachel in silence until her shudders began to fade.
"I know you're probably starving by now," Tina moaned, staring at her watch. "I'm sorry I'm keeping you from dinner."
"Forget that, honey. You take as long as you need. I'm not leaving you up here."
"I just don't know what I'm going to do."
"You have to find out if he's really cheating or not," Rachel said darkly. "You have to get that phone."
Tina met Rachel's eyes with uncertainty. "It might be harder than you think. He's glued to that phone."
"There's always an opportunity."
}0{
After everyone had gone to bed, Rachel found Frank still in his study, unpacking boxes of books and organizing his bookshelves. Every time she walked into the room she found herself startled by the elk head above the fireplace.
"That thing is just…" She waved her hand and shuddered as she closed the door behind her.
"Where were you and Tina all night? You missed dinner," he said.
"She was really upset. I was trying to calm her down."
"She didn't want to be the godmother?"
"Oh, no, she's thrilled to be the godmother." Rachel paused, unsure of whether to reveal too much about their conversation. "She was upset about… something else."
Frank lifted an eyebrow. "Are you gonna tell me, or…?"
"If I tell you, you gotta promise me you won't get weird about it," Rachel warned.
"According to you, I'm always 'weird,' Rachel. You might as well tell me."
Rachel heaved a sigh and said in a low voice, "Tina thinks that Devon might be cheating on her."
Frank looked disturbingly casual as he continued to fill the bookshelf. "I'm not surprised."
Rachel scoffed. "Would it kill you to show a little compassion, Frank? Her wedding is a few weeks away!"
"I told you the guy was bad news," Frank defended. "I bet that phone number on that invitation belonged to one of the girls he's cheating with."
He looked back at her and held her gaze for a moment of dark significance, causing Rachel's stomach to twist in uncomfortable knots.
"So now you're suggesting that Devon ransacked our room because he didn't want us to find the number of his side-hoe on the wedding invitation that Tina gave you?" Rachel shook her head with a bitter laugh. "Frank, you need to call Dr. Evers."
He slammed one book down on the shelf and turned to face her fully. "We never did figure out why our room was ransacked, and we never figured out why someone rammed their car into the gates at Pentecost Manor. This is still very much an open case, and I'm not going to just forget it all happened until we have answers."
Rachel blinked as she stared at him across the room. His chest was heaving, and that madness had returned to his eyes again.
"Maybe we're both crazy, Frank," she said, her voice mockingly delicate. "We both make each other this way. Maybe we're inventing these things in our heads because we've both gone insane. Did you ever think of that?"
He stayed completely silent, breathing hard as he stared at her with that unwavering focus, as if she was the target he was about to shoot.
She continued softly, "Sometimes when you talk that way – when you look at me that way – I feel the same way I did that night at the Oscars."
His voice was deadly quiet. "And what happened that night, Rachel?"
"Your gut was right," she admitted. "But that doesn't mean it's always gonna be right."
"I'm telling you I feel like there's something suspicious about this man, and I don't think it's just that he's potentially cheating on your friend." He looked away briefly to stare at his own reflection in the window. "You once told me I had the greatest instinct out of anyone you'd ever met. Why can't you trust me on this?"
They were both quiet for a long time.
Finally, Rachel broke the silence. "Frank, I really think you ought to call Dr. Evers."
"So that's why you won't trust me?" He turned to her, a heartbreakingly pained expression on his handsome face. "Because the shrink wants me on meds?"
"I never said that."
He shook his head, looking down at the ground. "I'm done talking about this."
With that, he set the last two books down on the shelf, brushed past her without eye contact, and left the room.
}0{
It was late. Rachel knew she should have gone to bed, but she knew her cool-off period hadn't come to an end quite yet. If she dared to set foot in her bedroom and see Frank, they would likely end up arguing again, and she couldn't stand the thought of fighting with him any more.
Instead she found Tina sitting alone outside on the porch swing, staring out at the night, with a drink in her hand. She was makeup-free, wearing a long fleece robe over her pajamas, and her red hair had been pulled up into a messy bun. The typical female uniform of mourning.
"I'd offer you a glass, too, but—" Tina smirked knowingly at Rachel's belly as she sat down on the swing.
"Looks like you're drinking enough for us both," Rachel said as she eyed the half-finished bottle of wine on the porch table.
"It's crazy how someone you think you know can just do something so shitty to you," Tina mused, head tilted toward the sky.
"You don't know for sure what he's done yet, honey," Rachel reminded her.
Tina shook her head bitterly. "It's just that gut feeling, you know?"
Rachel vividly recalled the feeling from when she had been dating Marcus. "Yeah, I know." She looked down at her hands in her lap.
"We were gonna move back to California," Tina said quietly.
"I remember Devon telling me that," Rachel said.
"When did he tell you that?"
"He called me one morning to ask me if I could get you a job in L.A. again."
Tina looked perplexed.
"I honestly thought he was trying to look out for you," Rachel shrugged.
"It looks bad now, doesn't it?" Tina scowled. "Like he was trying to escape from an affair back in Ohio? Trying to get back out to Hollywood where all the prettier, skinnier girls are so he could have more to choose from?"
"Honey, you don't know that," Rachel said, warmly patting her friend's thigh. "But you should find out. As soon as you get back to Cleveland."
"Confront him?"
"No, don't confront him. He can lie that way. Be sneaky about it. You get that phone. You'll find all the answers you need."
Tina took a long sip of her wine. "I'm so scared."
Rachel sighed. "Sometimes we get so scared of something, we use any excuse to put off just doing it."
Tina was quiet as she took in the advice, and Rachel had the sudden realization that she was just as scared to leave her career behind. Had that been why she'd used every concert as an excuse to put off just retiring already?
The silence went on too long, so Rachel changed the subject. "Tina, do you feel better now that you're not in L.A.?"
"Hell yeah," Tina said resolutely, with another gulp of her wine.
"Then don't move back, honey. Stay in Cleveland."
"What if Devon and I break up?"
"Don't move back to Hollywood to try and mask the pain," Rachel said confidently. "You'll only end up with way worse pains in the end."
Tina offered a sad smile in her friend's direction. "You know me pretty well, Rachel."
"No, I just know what I've done in that situation. Masking the pain never works."
"You always look out for me. You might be the only person I can trust anymore." Tina looked down into her nearly empty glass of wine, a glimmer of longing in her eyes. "I think of you like a sister, too."
"Well, sisters stick together in the tough times. But sisters also give each other tough love." Rachel swiped the bottle out of Tina's hand. "So that means up to bed. No more wine. Get some rest, and we'll talk more tomorrow."
"Boy, you are ready to be a mama again," Tina chuckled.
"You'd better believe it," Rachel said. She gave her friend a kiss on the cheek and took her back inside.
}0{
It was seven A.M. and he was desperate.
"She doesn't trust me anymore," Frank lamented, hand covering his forehead as he slouched at his desk, telephone in hand.
"She said that?" Dr. Evers asked dubiously on the other line.
"No, she didn't. But she refuses to hear sense sometimes," Frank scoffed. "I swear she thinks . . . she thinks I'm crazy."
"You're not crazy, Frank," his therapist reassured him. "And just because I've asked you to consider medication doesn't mean that I think you're crazy either."
Frank felt a tiny bit of relief upon hearing this, even though he'd known it was true all along.
"I feel like we keep going in circles. Rachel and I… we just…"
Dr. Evers' next question caught Frank off guard. "Do you still want to marry her?"
Frank looked down at the twinkling diamond engagement ring he had been twisting restlessly between his fingers. "Yes."
"Then what you need to think about right now is how you can be the best version of yourself for her."
When the call ended, Frank sat in the same spot for almost ten minutes, just staring at the ring.
Lost in thought, he was startled when the door to his study opened. He had expected either Fletcher or Rachel, but was surprised to see Tina Brennan on the other side. She looked different without makeup, younger and freckled. She tentatively stepped forward and said sadly, "I'm heading out this afternoon. I just wanted to say goodbye."
Frank hastily hid the ring in his pocket and stood up. "You can stay longer if you want," he offered awkwardly.
Tina blushed slightly. "It's okay, I'm uh… I'm needed back home."
"Do you need me to drive you to the airport?"
"No, Scott offered to take me," she said softly.
Frank moved to the doorway to hug her. "I'm sure Rachel will want you out to visit often," he said warmly, "especially when the baby arrives."
"I'll be thrilled to help in any way I can," Tina said, her eyes misty. Frank had a moment of grappling guilt where he wondered how he'd ever been suspicious of this young woman before. "Thanks for allowing me to be her godmother," she murmured with a sad smile before shifting backwards out the door.
}0{
Fletcher and Crystal had taken it upon themselves to add the finishing touches in the nursery. Throughout the day, Rachel caught discreet moments of closeness between her son and her young secretary. If Frank had an eye for suspicious activity, Rachel had an eye for romantic connections. She hadn't needed to catch Fletcher kissing Crystal outside on the porch again for her to know that they were well on their way to being in love. Their blossoming romance was a beautiful thing to behold, and Rachel was conflicted about being able to keep Crystal on as her employee for long. The greater part of Rachel's heart was no longer set on staying in Hollywood. It would be fairly useless to keep a secretary if she didn't have appointments to keep her calendar full anymore.
If she wanted just one thing to keep for herself, though, it was her songwriting. After suffering through a dry spell while at Pentecost Manor, Rachel finally felt that familiar burst of inspiration to take time for writing songs on her own again.
The room which she'd designed to be her music studio was nowhere near as vast as the one she'd had back at her mansion in Beverly Hills, but it had infinitely more character. And although the view from her last music studio had been stunning with the palms and waterfalls, the view here was far more majestic. When she opened the large doors to the balcony, she was spellbound by the endless landscape of golden hills as far as the eye could see. For the first time since that fateful day when the press ended up on their front porch in Leona Valley, Rachel found some semblance of true peace in her new house, in this room which was all her own.
She played the guitar and scribbled lyrics and chords on her notebook, reveling in the little kicks and jabs from her baby girl as she seemed to dance along. Rachel stayed there until the sun began to set, and her hand began to ache from writing. She probably would have stayed there forever if his footsteps hadn't interrupted her.
She looked up to see Frank leaning against the door jamb, utterly radiating love and affection as he watched her strum the guitar.
"I never imagined I'd fall in love with this place as much as I have," Rachel told him, biting her lip as her fingers lingered on the final chord. "Maybe you do know me better than I know myself."
The corner of his mouth turned up for the briefest moment, but he never reached a full smile. His pale eyes shimmered with contrition under the setting sun.
"Rachel, I'm sorry about last night."
She smiled. "It's water under the bridge, sweetheart. You know that I can't stay mad at you for long."
"I know that," he said, his voice deep with remorse. "I don't deserve it."
"Yes, you do," she said, setting the guitar down so that there would be no barriers between them. "We both needed this. We both needed a break from the chaos."
"Your whole life has been chaos, Rachel. I'm sure this is an adjustment for you."
She exhaled and sat back in her chair, staring out the wide open balcony doors in thought. "You know, I was scared of it for a long time – being away from it all, out where it's so quiet that you can't ignore your own thoughts. I was so afraid of having to face my thoughts. Having to relive memories, remembering Nicki, remembering my past." She twined her fingers together and looked back at him. "Being in Hollywood was an escape from those things for me."
"I know."
He was still the only man who could utter those two words so often without a hint of arrogance.
"Is that why you tried to get me away from it?" she asked.
"No." He moved into the room, coming to lean against the table directly across from where she sat. "I just wanted to protect you."
"I do feel safe here," she said after a beat.
He turned to admire the view from the balcony. "For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm home. Here."
"I do, too, Frank."
He looked back at her concernedly. "You think you'll be content out here? I know it's far from everything you know."
"If I needed to get to L.A., it's under half a day's drive. That's not too bad compared to Tahoe."
He smiled sadly.
"And I wouldn't be mad if you wanted to go drive up to the lake yourself once in a while," she added.
"I wouldn't do that," he quickly wrote her off.
She chuckled dubiously. "If we're gonna live together here, you might need a break from me."
"I didn't need a break from you when we were in Leona Valley," he said softly.
"Gosh, that seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" Rachel reminisced. "We didn't fight very much back there, did we?"
"Not until I fucked up with the press, come to think of it," he said wryly. "And we didn't fight very much in Tahoe, either."
"Not until I started getting scared that you were leaving me for good again," she admitted.
He looked down at the floor for a moment before a smirk crossed his lips. "Do you think we'll ever manage?"
"What?" she asked.
"To make it through a week without arguing?"
She smiled. "I don't really want to."
He chuckled.
"I thought that after a few months maybe we'd both turn into different people for each other. But that never happened." She shook her head, still smiling at the irony. "We're still the same stubborn, silly people we were the day we met."
He inspected her face for a bit, then quietly refuted her. "That's not true, Rachel. You've changed a lot since we started this relationship. You've been … so loyal to me. Even when I haven't been as supportive as I could have been to you."
She tilted her head as she stared at him, considering the truth in his words. "Well, I haven't been as appreciative of your support as I should have been. You put up with a lot of shit while I played starlet again these last few months. And you were right – you didn't sign up for any of this when you agreed to stay with me." She shook her head, placing both hands adamantly down on her thighs. "But I'm done now, Frank. I'm done. After this concert in December, that's it. I'm retiring from performing."
He looked genuinely shocked at her resoluteness.
"I don't want you to give that up just for me, Rachel."
"I know you don't. Because you care about me. But I care about you, too." She gave him her signature cheeky grin. "I fucking love your guts, and if I say I'm gonna give it up, then I'm gonna give it up for you… and for our baby."
To her surprise, he began to tear up.
"Why do you look sad now?" Rachel demanded. She hopped up to her feet so that she could swipe a stray tear away from his eye.
"I'm not sad," he protested, avoiding eye contact with her.
"What is it?"
"I just . . ." He fumbled a bit for his pocket and took something out. He hesitated for just a moment, then all hesitation in his crystal blue eyes disintegrated as he confidently took her hand and went down on one knee.
She watched, agape, as he tilted his head to stare up at her, his face painted with golden light from the sunset. "Will you be my wife, Rachel?"
Rachel hated how in every movie when the girl got her proposal, she acted all foolish and giddy, and cried like a baby, and covered her mouth in shock. But that was exactly how she found herself the moment Frank asked her the question.
"What if I said 'no'?" she half-sobbed, half-laughed.
With an affectionate smirk, he lifted his jacket and flashed her his sidearm.
Rachel blubbered, "You gonna be armed when we're standing at the altar, too?"
His eyes twinkled with mirth. "So that's a yes?"
Like he had to ask.
She nodded her head, gasping out the word 'yes' over and over as he lifted her into his arms and kissed her passionately.
"We gotta tell Fletcher!" she cried.
"Fletcher already knew this was coming."
She looked at him questioningly.
"Even though your dad is gone, I still had to ask the man in your life for his blessing."
Rachel cried even harder.
After another storm of kisses, she finally allowed Frank to take her hand so he could slide the ring onto her finger. The simple task was made rather challenging at first because her hands were shaking so much, but after a second and third attempt, she recognized the true reason he could not get the ring to fit on her finger.
"My fingers are all swollen," she laughed. "Fucking third trimester."
Finally, she saw that smile. The smile she'd been longing to see for months. The smile she once worried she'd never see again. He looked the happiest she had ever seen him, and his laughter was like the sweetest song. He firmly placed the ring onto her pinky finger, still breathless from laughing.
"It'll do for now," she shrugged, then kissed him about a hundred more times.