WARNING!: Obi-Wan is not going to be polished in this chapter. He is going to do things that help and hurt Anakin. Ten years of trauma concern doesn't make you perfect in practice.

WARNING: I've had a migraine for three months now, the last three weeks have been hell and there are so many typos in this chapter. But I'm going to have a migraine tomorrow too so I guess I'm out of fucks.

Chapter 11 - Deserved

"What did Obi-Wan give you?" Master Ali-Alann asked as he prepared tea.

Anakin had forgotten about it, "I— It's just a communicator."

"Is there a pre-set frequency?"

Anakin had to check, "Yeah, there is."

Master Ali-Alann sat down with teapot in hand, "Would you like to try coming whoever it is Obi-Wan wished you could speak to?"

Anakin nodded, clicking the channel open and placing the device on the table.

A minute later, it clicked over and a holo image appeared.

His mom.

It was his mother.

And it wasn't just a recording.

—Ani, darling! Oh, I'm so happy to see you! How are you?

Anakin sucked in a breath and looked up to find Master Ali-Alann smiling at him.

"It's okay, Anakin. Obi-Wan gave you his blessing, as do I. Talk as long as you like," Master Ali-Alann said. He poured Anakin his cup of tea before rising and retreating to his personal room to give them privacy.

"Mom? I'm good, I'm good, are you—"

His mother waved away his concern, —I'm wonderful, Ani. Not a year after you left, a met a man. We fell and love and he bought my freedom from Watto. His shop declined after you left and he was desperate for the credits.

Anakin's throat grew tight, "You're free?"

She nodded, her smile wide a free from the worry he'd seen all his life. —We both are now.

"Where are you?" he asked.

—I'm still on Tatooine. I married a moisture farmer, and you have a stepbrother. I love my life here. Obi-Wan said he would bring you home if you wanted to return.

Anakin felt like he had been slapped, "He wants to bring me back?"

—No, no! Of course not! He's so proud of you, Ani. I'm sorry Qui-Gon passed, but I'm glad Obi-Wan is the Jedi training you. He loves you so much.

Anakin blinked hard, trying not to cry. "He told you about me?"

—Of course, we talked about you for the full week he stayed with us. He did make it back to the Temple, alright, didn't he?

Anakin nodded, "Yeah, he did."

—He wasn't sure he would. He is a bit crazy isn't he?

Anakin frowned, "What do you mean?"

She smiled, —He dressed up as a Mandalorian and stormed Jabba's Palace by himself.

"HE WHAT!?" Anakin couldn't help but yell.

His mother's smile grew, —He killed them all, he's a Hutt Slayer now, and he freed all the slaves and servent.

"Obi-Wan did that?" Anakin asked.

She nodded, —He did, though don't go around spreading that story. Obi-Wan was very clear about giving the credit to the Mandalorian, Jango Fett. But he's your teacher and brother, so you deserve to know.

"How'd you find out?"

—He brought the freedpeople to our farm and he helped everyone get to where they needed to. A great man that Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Anakin felt heat rise to his cheeks, "Yeah, he's pretty great."

—Tell me more about you, Ani. How are you? What sorts of things are you learning?

Anakin set aside his concerns about Obi-Wan and took this time to assure himself that this was real, that his mom wasn't just free, but safe and happy.

If he had had one wish since leaving home, it was to be this.

Obi-Wan didn't go see the healers.

So the healers came to him.

He didn't talk to Master Che, he didn't talk to Bant.

They talked at him a lot though, he let them, he even made them tea, but he didn't say a word to them.

Master Che officially grounded him at the Temple, he wasn't concerned.

He knew he wouldn't pass, and if he left the Order, he wouldn't need to.

Che pulled every trick in the book, Bant cried.

He found himself worryingly unmoved. Bant was his friend, seeing her cry wasn't easy, but it was easier than seeing her dead.

To say Obi-Wan was avoiding people was a bit of an understatement. He spent as much time as could in the Senate's archives.

On one page, he was researching Trading Federation and Dooku's movements, in another device, he was hacking their system to look at back door dealings with Mandalore.

Either Duchess Satine was a fool getting played by all her most trusted advisors or she was a traitor to her people not just her culture.

Obi-Wan wasn't sure which one would be better. But Satine was far from being the biggest disappointment in his life.

Quin and Siri stared at her.

"You cried? And Obi-Wan didn't care?" Siri asked.

Bant nodded, looking all types of rung out.

"So what did Che do?" Siri asked.

"She grounded him," Bant said. "Master Ali-Alann stepped up and declared Anakin couldn't go back to being Obi-Wan's Padawan. Che signed off on it and so did the Council."

Quin ran his hands over his face, "He's going to leave."

"Good."

They all turned to see Master Tholme who had come in without any of them noticing. "The boy has never needed us, we are the ones who needed him and the Order has proven that we don't deserve him."

Quin snapped at his Master, "I love him!"

Tholme levelled him with a hard look, "Not enough, Quin. Love is never enough on its own."

Quin flinched, because he knew, as they all knew, that they had taken Obi-Wan for granted.

Anakin sat awkwardly across from Obi-Wan in their old apartment.

Everyone had been right about Obi-Wan wasn't okay, but he was also stronger than anyone gave him credit for.

Still, Anakin didn't need the dissolved bond between them to know this wasn't his Obi-Wan.

In a way, thinking Obi-Wan had given him time to grieve the person he had been. In the few months he had known Qui-Gon, Anakin remembered something he said.

Who we were yesterday, Anakin, is gone and cannot be retrieved. They are like the dead, and exist only in memory. Grieve those moments, but let them pass, don't let them stop you from living with the people around you in this moment, for when these moments pass, your grief will be all greater.

Anakin had had his time with Obi-Wan, and he had screwed it up, he wouldn't punish Obi-Wan and himself because his Master had changed.

After all, Anakin had changed too.

Anakin served the tea.

"This is good," Obi-Wan said, sounding surprised.

Anakin flushed, "Master Ali-Alann taught me."

Obi-Wan's smile softened, "He is a good man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't let you introduce us before."

Obi-Wan shook his head, "Anakin, you needn't keep apologizing to me. I didn't leave to punish you. It was not my intention to leave you at all."

Anakin twisted his hands on his lap, "But you're going to leave again."

Obi-Wan sighed, "That is my intention now."

"Are you going to free more slaves?"

Obi-Wan blinked, "You spoke with your mother then."

"You're a Hutt Slayer!" Anakin enthused.

Obi-Wan smirk, "Mand'alor Jango Fett is the Hutt Slayer."

"But it was you!" Anakin countered. "It was, wasn't it."

Obi-Wan nodded, "You were an inspiration. Though, when you are older, you must remember the politics of wherever you intervene."

"Slavery is evil," Anakin argued.

"Agreed," Obi-Wan said. "But so are civil wars and genocide. I killed Jabba the Hutt as Mandalorian because Mandalore is a system outside of the Republic. Had I done so as a Jedi, any Jedi in Hutt territory would become targets and the corruption in the Senate might use such a conflict as justification or a front to further participate in trafficking."

Anakin blinked, "What?"

Obi-Wan sighed, "Make sure the people you save are people you can protect or get to safety, otherwise, you might unknowingly make things worse."

"Oh."

Obi-Wan sighed again, "Anakin there are things I need to tell you. As well as the reasons I didn't tell you this before. Prime among them was that I myself could not face it."

Anakin nodded, "I'll listen."

Obi-Wan nodded and began; "You asked me once if I remembered my parents and I told you that a Jedi does not have parents. That in order to walk the path of a Jedi, you had to let go and forget."

Even though Obi-Wan had given him back his mom, it still hurt to hear that chastisement.

"That was selfish of me," Obi-Wan went on. "I didn't say it because I was upset with you for missing your mother. It was wrong of me to not realize that's how you would take such a remark. I said it because I have spent my whole life trying to forget mine."

Anakin frowned, "What do you mean, Master?"

"My mother and my father were terrorists. I cannot say if they ever sold anyone into slavery or not, however, they were on par with being that kind of evil. They were warmongers and bloodthirsty pillagers who left chaos and ruin behind them wherever they went."

Anakin could only stare, unable to imagine his mother in war. Though, he understood that his father had probably been a slaver. If you didn't have a father on Tatooine, the chances of your sire being a slaver or someone who took advantage of slaves, were rather high.

Still, Anakin was glad he didn't know his father and he was sad that Obi-Wan remembered his parents if they were that sort of people.

"I was born two months early and by their standards I was too weak," Obi-Wan continued. "They did not expect me to survive infancy and did very little to ensure that would not happen."

"Are they still out there?" Aniken asked, sounding angrier than he knew he should have shown.

But Obi-Wan didn't check him, he only smiled softly as he said, "Master Tholme the master who found me, who saved my life. When my mother found out that I was Force sensitive, she tried to drown me."

Anakin was horrified, "How old are you?"

"Five or six."

"Isn't that too old?" Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan nodded, "It was, and it was a mark against me in the Temple, all of my background was a mark against me, in fact. Master Tholme killed my mother, and the Temple decided against leaving me there. They felt that they owed me a place because they had deprived me of my parents."

Anakin understood that all too well, he was pretty sure Qui-Gon's death was the only reason the Council had allowed him to become a Padawan in the first place.

"I don't know that anyone other than Master Tholme and Master Ali-Alann understood truly there was no home for me to go back to, and there never had been."

"They sound awful," Anakin lamented. "Is your father still alive?"

"No, thankfully he was murdered," Obi-Wan said. "But I do have a brother, an older brother and once I loved as much as I suspect you love your mother. But my brother is nothing like Shmi Skywalker. He became like our father, or perhaps something worse."

"What could be worse?" Anakin asked.

"My brother would see Mandalore glassed entirely if it will not unite, or rather, submit to his claim on the throne. And I mean that most literally. He has no honour, and I am ashamed of him."

Anakin shook his head, he hadn't thought someone could be worse than a slaver, but glassing an entire planet and or system was not great.

But he couldn't help but ask, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to understand that who I am… To learn from my mistakes. I tried to erase my past and in doing so I erased what might've been the best parts of me. I am not telling you, that the trials you faced in your early life were the best you could become, but I'm telling you that your goodness and love for others were born from that past. Those are not parts of yourself you should ever hide away or be ashamed of."

Anakin looked down at his hands, remembering the Orders he had followed, remembered the ones he had disobeyed and got his mother punished in his place.

"You weren't a slave," Anakin said. "You don't know what I am ashamed of."

Obi-Wan shook his head, "We all make mistakes, we all have things that are done to us that cause us shame, but you survived, Anakin, and that you should not be ashamed of. Some things we cannot change, some things we can only survive, and we are not the things done to us, nor are we our parents. We are our actions in the present and how we choose to move forward with what we have."

Anakin felt like Obi-Wan had more than just changed, he felt older. He wasn't the polished Jedi Knight he had always strived to be, it was like he had been rubbed raw.

There was a saying on Tatooine; Like bone shined in a sand storm.

Because sand storms on Tatooine could sometimes reach hundreds of kilometres per hour, it was enough to take a human's skin and flesh off their bones.

The proverb was used to describe people who washed on Tatooine from some tragedy in the Outer Rim.

People who were afraid to hope for a better future. Because despite everything Obi-Wan was telling him, there was a finality to his tone.

This was as much as a goodbye as when Obi-Wan finally said those words.

"My mother told me that I didn't have a father," Anakin said. "But I know what she means, but she'll never tell me. My father was someone who hurt her, and I know that's a part of me and that she sees whoever that was in me. Sometimes, she looked at me and was sad, or she would touch my hair and be sad it wasn't like hers."

Obi-Wan reached across the table and took Anakin's hand in his, "It is not about blood so much as it is about culture. No matter who your parents were, the woman who raised you, that's who culture is a part of you, and you —like everyone else— bring that culture to the Temple. You just happened to have the misfortune of having a Master whose culture I could never openly wear."

Anakin frowned, "What do you mean?"

Obi-Wan squeezed his hand lightly, "What do you know of Mandalorians?"

"Some of the old stories are kind of cool, but mostly I know that they're bounty hunters. And near unbeatable," Anakin answered. "They used to tell us that if you ever came across a Mandalorian you were safe unless you got them mad. In which case, even the Hutts were afraid of them. Like, no one is going to question the tale of Jango Fett being a Hutt Slayer."

Obi-Wan nodded, "The histories are a bit different here. Suffice it to say that the Mandalorians and the Jedi have much the same history as the Jedi and the Sith."

Anakin's eyes went wide, "But Mandalorians aren't evil they're just scary!"

Obi-Wan let go of his hand to rub his beard, "Yes, I suppose they are. But it only takes the actions of a few to taint the group. In recent history, Mandalorians, such as those in Death Watch, are known for 'Jetii'roya' or 'Jedi Hunting.'"

Anakin gaped, "You mean they kill Jedi for…"

"For sport," Obi-Wan said. "Jedi are considered 'fearsome beasts' and in a Jedi's absence, they will set their sights on someone who is Force sensitive. It is an unfortunate part of Mandalorian history, one that extends past the history of the Republic itself."

Anakin felt a little ill at that.

"That is a warning that most Padawans are given before their first missions off-world, still, such horror stories reached the creches. As you might imagine, I was never willing to share my past with my agemates. Especially as my parents, my clan, were exactly the sort of people who participated in Jedi Hunting."

"It's why your mother tried to kill you," Anakin realized.

Obi-Wan nodded, "But outside of that, when you think of major powers of warrior people in the galaxy, the Sith, the Jedi, and the Mandalorians have been in and out of wars for as far back as history can account for. From empires and governments and small outerwear from scuffles as far back as anyone can remember. We fought many great wars against each other. Sometimes the Mandalorians sided with the Sith but never have the Mandalorians as a whole side with the Jedi."

"My culture is death and ruin and war. My ancestors killed Jedi. So my history was as dark as the Sith. And even my killing a Sith assassin, killing Darth Maul, is a mark against me."

Anakin shook his head, "But that's not fair!"

"There has only been one Mandalorian Jedi in our history, and he left the Order to wage war."

Anakin winced, he was starting to understand why being a Mandalorian at the Temple wasn't great. Why Obi-Wan had been so reluctant to talk about his past.

"I have never fit in well here. With the Masters knowing my history, my every outburst, my every human reaction and mistakes were heavily scrutinized. Even as they encouraged me to learn Mandalore's languages and politics, they checked my history. Only by subduing myself, was I ever please the Masters of this Temple."

Anakin didn't know what to say to that. He hated the Sith, if the Mandalorians were like the Sith to the Jedi, then it made sense for them to not be happy about that culture.

But it wasn't any random Mando, it was Obi-Wan.

"By the time you met Qui-Gon was far more mellow and at peace with himself, he was not the Qui-Gon of my youth. Before me, Qui-Gon had two other Padawans. His first Apprentice, Master Feemor was Master Plo Koon's Padawan first, but Qui-Gon took over most of his duties as Master when Plo was promoted to the Council."

"I've never met him," Anakin said.

"Feemor was a Seeker, he —along with three younglings— were murdered by Mandolarians."

Anakin paled, "Oh."

Somehow recent hadn't clicked as being that recent, as in, a part of their Jedi lineage.

"Qui-Gon's second student was amazingly talented, and he was also inducted into the Order as a five-year-old. Xanatos fell to the Darkside before his Knighting."

"Is he alive?" Anakin asked, worried that somehow this saga was going to get worse.

"No, he killed himself rather than face justice."

"Before or after he took you as a Padawan?" Anakin asked.

"After Feemor's death," Obi-Wan said. "After Xanatos's fall but before his death."

"Why would he take someone who had a history with the Mandalorians if it was…"

"Personal?" Obi-Wan supplied. "Qui-Gon took me in reluctantly, more or less because Yoda threw us together."

"Threw you together how?"

"I was bumped from the Initiate program after I got into a fight with a crechemate."

"My apprenticeship was perhaps more chaotic than our missions together have been, and I include the Nubian Crisis in that."

"Impressive," Anakin joked.

Obi-Wan inclined his head.

"The ship out off Coruscant just so happened to have Hutts aboard, there was a scuffle things happened, I reached the planet where the AgriCorps were supposed to be and was instead kidnapped by Xanatos who sold me into slavery."

Anakin gapped, "You were a slave?"

Obi-Wan shrugged, "For a very short time. I only spent a few months mining, before Qui-Gon helped rescue me."

Anakin disagreed strongly with Obi-Wan's dismissal of that experience because no amount of slavery beyond day was easy.

Anakin had met slaves who had once been free people and he had seen them break within a week. That Obi-Wan had survived months…

"How old were you?"

"Same age as you are now, thirteen," Obi-Wan said, wholly unfazed by the retelling of this.

Anakin finally realized where the odd scarring around his Master's neck had been from. Before, he had thought maybe he got his neck caught in some type of rope or net or something. Jedi, after all, did crazy stuff all of the time.

But now that he knew Obi-Wan had been a slave… they were the marks of an electric slave collar.

It could be nothing else.

"How did Qui-Gon get you out?"

"I caused a slave rebellion and he saved me from getting myself blown up."

Anakin shook his head, "How does the Order not love you for that?"

Of course, the reality was that the Order did love him, even if Obi-Wan couldn't see that for some reason.

"Because people died Anakin I caused chaos, and people died."

Anakin frowned, "People died in the Nubian Crisis. I killed people during that. Why isn't freeing slaves at thirteen a great thing?"

"Because Mandalorians and Jedi have justified much when the result was war. In the current Order, in these modern times, the Order is highly sensitive to being involved in wars. Our lineage seems to be attracted to chaos, and the Order as a whole does not look on us kindly for it."

"But why? And why would that affect you as a Padawan?"

"Because not a year later I left the Order, to join a war."

Again, Anakin gaped.

"I spent nearly two years in the trenches."

"Where was Qui-Gon?" Anakin asked.

"We were there originally to rescue another Jedi, in fact, it was a Jedi Master, Tahl, who was Qui-Gon's greatest love."

"I thought Jedi couldn't get married," Anakin said.

"Jedi can get married, so long as it's approved by the Jedi Councils. But what is far more common among Jedi Knights is making private vows to one another. It is seen as something deeply personal, between them and the Force."

"But if no one knows about it, what's the point of getting married?"

"The Jedi own nothing, marriage, within Jedi culture, separate from our various species, is seen as just that, a type of ownership. If the love between you and another are real, then there is no need for titles. The only thing that matters for a life partner, is love and trust. What others think is ultimately unimportant."

Anakin blinked, "That's kind of romantic."

Obi-Wan smiled, "I always thought so."

"Did you and Quinlan Vos exchange vows."

Obi-Wan snorted, "Quinlan and I have shared a lot of things, but not vows. Quin doesn't love himself well enough to love anyone else."

"Do you love yourself?" Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan blinked at him and didn't answer immediately, before saying. "I have often disappointed myself. But I love myself well enough to survive, well enough to love the Force and life within the galaxy."

"But you have a low opinion of yourself," Anakin said.

Obi-Wan raised a brow, "As do you, Padawan Skywalker."

Anakin flinched.

Obi-Wan went on. "With relationships outside of the Order, Jedi must be more cautious, due to our powers, our position to the government, and the dangers our enemies posed to those we might love. This is why, aside from Master in Apprentice and grandparents and grandmasters, possession is avoided. Because above all us, Jedi are supposed to prioritize the good of the people we serve as well as the Force."

"Qui-Gon chose Tahl over you?"

"Qui-Gon would have returned to me sooner if I had just asked for help. It may be if I hadn't been so stubborn and if I had asked for his help, he might have been able to come sooner. But when Melida/Daan tortured and brutalized Master Tahl, they broke faith with the Republic. So the Senate annexed the system from the Republic.

"Meaning, because I had legally left the Order and the Order that serves Republic, no one could help me without causing issues with the Jedi."

"But Qui-Gon helped you anyway," Anakin surmised.

"It was too deep in the Outer Rim, if he had come uninvited he's very likely might have been shot down. It wasn't until I asked, until Melida/Daan asked, to return to the Republic was anyone able to come to help me. It scared Qui-Gon."

"For you or because you left?"

"Both," Obi-Wan said. "By then Qui-Gon had already lost a Padawan to a Mandalorian, had a Padawan fall to the Darkside, and meanwhile, Dooku, Qui-Gon's Master, was involved with a Mandalorian incident that got several Jedi killed and his sister Padawan, had also fallen and left the Order."

"Our lineage has issues."

Obi-Wan smiled, "You don't know the half of it."

"Qui-Gon was so scared to teach another apprentice to teach them how to wield great power and be capable of great harm. Having a Mandalorian has a Padawan… I do not blame him for fearing that. For I confess it is a fear I have had for myself for far too long."

Anakin shook his head again, "No, no, no, this is all wrong you're not that. You—"

"I became a Jedi Knight for killing someone," Obi-Wan said. "I have seen my future, I've seen the future of Mand'alor, and I have seen the part that I will play in it. Qui-Gon was right to be afraid."

"So that's why you're leaving the Order? Because of old fears."

Obi-Wan shook his head, "I'm not leaving right this moment. But the day will come when the call comes from the Mand'alor, and I will answer that call.

"Just like that?" Anakin asked.

"Mandalore is not a Republic system, if I wish to help them, then I cannot act under the Jedi order. But whatever happens is that the Jedi will always be my people, my home, the people who taught me and loved me and gave me hope where there was no future for me. They gave me the Force, and the Force has always been with me; that is a gift."

"Until then?" Anakin asked.

"I cannot be your Master any longer, I don't think the healers are ever going to clear me, but I still have much I can teach you."

"Obi-Wan, what happened to you?"

"Qui-Gon taught me something from the Jedha Temple. I fell too deep into a vision. I cannot unsee what I have seen."

Anakin nodded, realizing that Obi-Wan had probably shared more with him tonight than he had already meant to it.

He dreams of the war; of Cody who is always at his side.

He dreams of death and dying, of smoke and fire, of little lights of ships bursting out of existence.

He remembers his room on the Negotiator, he remembers how lonely it was, how cold the nights were.

Until somehow Cody realized it, and Obi-Wan found himself never alone.

Obi-Wan never dared to cross the space between them. Never tried.

But this is a dream, and reaches for his hand.

Closes the space between them.

And it isn't Cody's hand that intertwines with his.

It's not Cody who's perfect, and good, and better than Obi-Wan has ever deserved.

No, it's not Cody, who grabs him, pulling him forward.

It's not plastoid but Beskar between them.

A rough hand grabs him by the nape of his neck, controlling the angle of the kiss as full lips descend on his.

It's not Cody.

It's Jango.

Jango who is just as broken, just as trapped, and just as lost as Obi-Wan is.

This was a dream, Obi-Wan knows that. So he leans in to take and being taken without shame or regret.

Jango dreams of him.

Dreams of the man who should be his enemy.

But he's not.

He's his lover. He is the man who calls him Mand'alor, who offers himself to Jango without condition.

Jango doesn't know what he did to deserve him, but he knows that he won't let this man go again.

And he will take his oath just as soon as—

Jango groaned as this man trails that sinfully soft beard, down further, and further—

"Obi-Wan," Jango moaned.

"Wan is coming back!?"

Jango bolted up in bed, his mind hazy even as he searched for threats.

But there was no danger, just Boba who asked, "Wan is coming home now?"

Jango fell back on the mattress, thankfully he was still covered by the thick comforter.

He grunted as Boba jumped on his chest.

"When, Buir? When is he coming back?"

Jango sighed, "He's not coming back."

Boba was silent for all of three heartbeats, "When are you going to call him?"

AN: Thoughts, wolves, or feedback pretty please.