Chapter Fifteen: Angel of Thursdays.

"Cas," Reina and Cas were sitting in Reina's room. "I assume the boys and Bobby have told you where I'm from?"

"Yes, they did mention that you were from an alternate universe, where the story of Winchesters is a TV show. It was similar to the universe that –

"That Balthazar sent the boys in when you were at war with Raphael," Reina answered quietly, knowing that Balthazar's memory only brought Cas sadness and anguish over having killed his friend.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Cas asked after a few moments. "This is going to hurt you, Cas, what I'm going to tell you. But you need to know. First, I saw the TV show ahead of the events that have occurred in this universe. And the way things are going, I feel like the stories may turn out similar to what I saw."

"Does that mean you know the future?"

"Sort of – I can't guarantee that it will happen. But it's very likely." Reina said, turning towards Castiel. "Do you remember Ishim?"

She could see recognition in Castiel's eyes as he took a pause to remember. "Ishim. Yes. It has been very long since I talked to him." Cas said. "What about him?"

"Do you also remember going on a mission with him – to kill a – a Nephilim child? Lily Sunder's child."

"Lily Sunder?" Cas's brow furrowed, and Reina wanted to smile at him, but the subject at hand barely warranted that. "Are you perhaps talking about Akobel's Lily?"

Reina nodded.

"Ishim, Mirabel, Benjamin, and myself." Cas slowly recounted the old team. "I remember. We had been instructed to deal with Akobel's child, a Nephilim." Cas shook his head.

"Cas, I know it wasn't your fault. But Lily's child was human. Not Nephilim. Ishim led you all to believe that, for his own reasons." Reina spoke fast, like ripping off a bandage, because she didn't know how else to say this gently.

"What?" Castiel looked up, his face portraying the sheer unexpectedness of the news. "Is this – Is this indeed true?"

"I am pretty sure it is, Cas, although there is a small chance that it isn't," Reina admitted. "Up until now, the cases that the boys have had to solve match with the ones I saw on the show, so it goes to reason that this may also be true. But since there are dissimilarities, I can't deny the chance of it being false, either. You see, in the storyline I watched, Mary – Mrs. Winchester had been brought back, instead of Bobby Singer."

"I find it hard to believe, honestly, that Ishim would be a part of such a conspiracy," Cas said.

"Then don't believe it. But I do want you to check if it is the truth. Because Lily Sunder is alive and after revenge. And if what happened to her were true, I don't blame her for it. All I care about is that she didn't hurt you." Reina said. She realized it was a little jarring for Cas, who was now more human than Angel, to deal with another false story from his past.

"I'll just tell Dean and Sam, and all we can do is be on the lookout. When and if Ishim comes to you to ask for help, you can clarify the truth yourself. If it goes according to the story, he's the one who comes looking for you." Reina said.

.

.

.

Castiel was in shock.

Yet another betrayal, if what the girl said was true. It seemed once more that Castiel had been a naïve angel.

However, what if it weren't true? The girl, Reina, had herself said that there was a chance that she was wrong. He couldn't believe such a fact of the Angel Ishim, who had been by his side on many missions.

But hearing Reina speak, and not care if she was believed – He looked at her and he knew that she wasn't lying to him. Whether or not she knew the truth was doubtful, but what could she possibly gain through manipulation in such an old matter?

And if what she said was true –

Castiel sat down, under the sudden weight of the thought of having killed an innocent child, under the false accusation of being an angel's child, which was a debatable decision in the first place –

"Hey, Cas?"

Castiel came out of his reverie at the sound of Reina's voice. "I'm sorry."

"Why do you apologize?" He turned to face her.

"I'm sorry you had to find out about this at all." She shrugged. "But if – if it is going to happen - You need to know. You need to be prepared."

Castiel was moved by the earnestness in her voice, and for a moment wondered why this stranger cared so much.

He looked up, to find her meet his eyes.

"Cas – You don't know me, and this is very awkward, but please listen to me. It wasn't your fault back then."

Cas was surprised, once again. He hadn't expected her to say that.

"You were – in a different lifestyle back then. A different person. If it turns out to be true, I still believe it wasn't your fault, and you shouldn't blame yourself."

Cas listened to her in a daze, her voice strong and steady, with a note of imploration. What does it matter to her? Fault or not, it would be my regret, my blame. Why does she care that I be free of the mental encumbrance? And how does she know?

"How did – why do you think that I was blaming myself?" Cas smiled, but he knew it tasted bitter to him. Strange, how even in smiles there could be a tinge of sadness.

"Because odd as it is, I know you. Have known you, seen you change since you met the boys. Of course, I don't really know you in and out, but enough to – to empathize." Reina returned a small smile.

"Empathy. I think that I've understood empathy, living with Dean and Sam and – and humans, in general. You care so much, even for things that aren't under your control, or relation – and it is once more overwhelming to see that emotion in you." Cas admitted, surprised at his own frankness.

"I hardly know how to handle it either. And you're just as emphatic – or even more, I'd say, since you had to come to terms with all emotions at once, and - it was War back then, and you had to learn to empathize and feel all at once, while figuring out what was right and wrong for you, for humanity, and for the world. It wasn't easy."

Cas didn't know what to say to all that, as he took it in, and let her words remind him of the days when it had all started. Dean in Hell, Apocalypse looming, Angels betraying each other, Demons rampant on Earth.

"I – I don't know what to do, Reina." Cas sighed. "I - I rarely give a thought to my old life as an angel. There are many things, not just what happened with Lily and Akobel, that I wish I had known better before I did."

In a sudden burst of anger at himself, he stood up. "I – I killed Balthazar. He was my friend. He stood by my side in a war, and what did I do? I rewarded him with – with

Cas sank back onto the bed, closing his eyes. It had been too much back then, and it was still too much to think about now.

"Cas."

He opened his eyes to see Reina standing in front of him.

"I'm so sorry."

And then she did what he hadn't expected. She opened her arms and stepped forward into a hug, wrapping her hands around Cas's shoulders, gripping him tight.

She held onto him, and Cas froze in her arms. A few seconds later, he hugged her back lightly but hid his face in her shoulder.

.

.

.

Dean, who'd been standing outside the room for a few minutes, walked away, fists tightly clenched, heart heavy that he hadn't noticed Cas's troubles, wondering how a girl who'd just met him, made Cas open up like never before.

.

It was late that night when Cas found Dean, alone on the steps, in the circular cove in the library with a bottle at his feet.

Cas sat down by his side, and they both sat there, silently, before Dean asked him. "Are you okay, Cas? I mean, with Lucifer riding you, Amara, and – I'm sorry, that didn't ask you before."

Cas didn't answer back immediately. He instead picked up the bottle and uncapped it.

"Does this help, Dean? Does it make the guilt go away?"

Dean felt like his heart was being cut up with each word. Images of his own guilt flashed in front of him.

"Well, at least for a while, you wouldn't remember anything." Dean took the bottle from him and took a large swig. "Don't tell me you plan on starting to drink. We've seen you drunk." He chuckled dryly.

"No, I don't think it would help if I forgot everything." Castiel leaned against the wall, his eyes staring at the ceiling. "What do you think about Reina, Dean?" Cas changed the subject, wanting to know what Dean thought of the strange girl.

"The little fool." Dean took another swig.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, she has no idea. She thinks this life – this is her dream, Cas. Hunting, living outside the society, killing in the dark – this is her Djinn's world." Dean's voice grew stronger as he spoke, a few words slurring from the alcohol.

"She's so – so small and – and – naïve. She doesn't understand the hard decisions that go – go with this life. The guilt. The violence. The anxiety. This isn't an adventure. It's a curse. It's a curse that we have to bear sometimes. All time. The world abandoned by its own god." Dean stood up, anger rising in his heart. He kicked the bottle, and it skidded away with a clanging sound. "Dean," Cas started to stand up, but Dean collapsed back down.

"It's no – no place for someone like her." Dean sighed. "I grew up in it, I should know."

"I know Dean. I understand. You feel protective." Cas spoke softly, supporting Dean's back as he settled down on the step again.

"I don't know what to do, Cas," Dean said, mirroring Cas's words to Reina, "Can you send her back?"

"I – I told her the same thing. I'm not – no longer strong enough. I'm no use." The last words slipped out of Cas in a tone of desperation.

"You're enough, Cas," Dean whispered as he slipped his head onto Cas's shoulder and fell asleep.