It did not take Meredy long to start discovering details of the guild to research now that they'd located Zeref. Wizard guilds were ranked publicly in numerous magazines such as Sorcerer Weekly, published and visible as they displayed the rankings and shared gossip about famous wizards for people to gush over. It was an impractical form of celebrity worship, one Meredy didn't care for though she at least could benefit from the fact that it gave her an initial starting point for her research.
The magazines contained plenty of details about Fairy Tail wizards, though she did need to take her time to determine what information was useful and what wasn't. She ignored any section analyzing the hottest singles in the guild, along with photoshoots and personality quizzes offered throughout some of the magazines. Instead, she attempted to hone in on articles that discussed recent jobs or challenges each wizard had faced. Through such articles, she could gradually gain information on the magic styles used by Fairy Tail wizards, even if her information was sorely lacking.
Eventually, she had gotten as much as she could from the magazines which focused far too much on too few wizards for such a large guild (she'd seen more articles on the wizard known as Mirajane than she ever wanted to in her lifetime). It was a baseline for many members, but she needed more. So, she had finally taken on her first private objective for further research - infiltrate Magnolia's public record's office to get ahold of Fairy Tail's wizard registry. Legal guilds were required by law to report data on their wizards to local government offices for tracking purposes. It allowed governments to have a traceable record when it came to which guild needed a fine for damages during wizard jobs. For Meredy's purposes, it would serve as a clear definition of talents and skills of the guild, however.
Finding herself in Magnolia, Meredy kept her head down with a cloak covering her hair. People walked passed her, mostly disregarding the young girl wandering the streets alone. With a quick pace, Meredy found her way to the local office for guild registrations. She stepped inside, pausing to take in the layout of the entryway for now.
Surrounding her was a small public waiting area, with only a handful of chairs for people to sit in. A door was off to her left with a sign requesting that guests stop by there first to check in or ask questions. To her right and slightly behind her was another door, blocked with a scanner panel. Directly in front were a pair of double doors which she walked towards. Meredy placed her hand on the handle, only to frown when it didn't open. Looking around, she spotted yet another place to scan an employee ID, just next to the bulletin board for public notices.
Based on that alone, it was clear what the first goal was. Meredy needed an ID to get any further than this to access public records. Should she fight to steal one? Frowning, she shook her head and moved over to one of the chairs, sitting down and folding her hands in her lap. Fighting would leave signs of their infiltration. Someone would notice the theft and alert Fairy Tail about the stolen documents. So, ideally, she'd get inside without being noticed.
Waiting, Meredy observed the entrance for some time. An attack to steal a badge would not work, but perhaps a worker would be careless. A dropped badge would not be noticed if she simply picked it up to enter. Yet, that also seemed unlikely for a secure building such as this. Employees would be trained to inform superiors if a badge was lost and it was highly likely that it would cease to function in response. So, that left her with her next option - sneak inside after another employee already opened the door.
The double doors were more traveled than the door near the exit. Meredy observed just a few more employees, listening in to some interactions before rising to her feet as someone else approached the door. They paused when they saw her nearby and Meredy gave them a forced smile. "I forgot my ID today."
The stranger looked over her outfit, not quite blending in with the other employees in her cloak. "Sorry, rules say I can't let you pass."
Frowning, Meredy looked down at her feet. "Of course." She closed her hands into fists, resisting the urge to hit him. People were irritating, getting in the way of her tasks like this. She was better than this, wasn't she? Meredy was an expert strategist, just like her parents. She just had to stay calm and analyze the situation.
She waited a bit longer after the stranger had left her behind in the lobby. Another person passed by her, hesitating when they saw her near the door. "Hey, you alright?"
The missing badge comment didn't work. So, she lifted her head and met this person's eyes. "I'm sorry, I may have gotten lost. I thought I was supposed to be in a meeting with the Hearing Committee today but it seems as if no one told me how to get to the appropriate room." She frowned as the employee hovered by the door, leaving it open during their discussion. "I've been waiting here for some time and I've likely missed the entire event. I can't say I even recall the room number the meeting was in, but I am quite lost at this point. Do you think you could let me in so I can find my colleagues to review what I've missed?"
"Ah, they should've guided you to the front office for a visitor's pass for the day." The woman shook her head. "I'll let you in for now, but don't go wandering off too far. The main conference room is on floor 2, down the hall on your left. You can't miss it - it'll be the only room with a schedule posted outside to indicate when it is in use."
"Thank you." Meredy nodded, ducking past the worker and into the room beyond the door. She quickly made her way to the stairs, feeling the gaze of the worker's eyes on her as she disappeared behind the door. To avoid excess suspicion in case she was followed, she exited one floor up, finding the meeting room as indicated. After pausing for a moment to confirm no one was watching her, Meredy returned to the main room where the door to the stairs were. A sign on the wall indicated that this was the floor for the revenue department. So, Meredy went back to the staircase and went up one more floor.
Exiting, Meredy wandered some halls, keeping an eye on the markings for each room. One was labeled as 'damage litigation' and likely was used to organize resources for legal actions against guilds. Another was described as 'job distribution', which was a bit more of a self-explanatory name. She kept walking until she found another door to the room labeled as public records and quietly slipped inside.
Keeping her head held tall, Meredy found herself walking with purpose past the few desks inside. So long as she acted confident, people would not question her presence. Blending in when she didn't have to speak was far simpler than infiltrating that demon village had been. So, it was with that attitude that she approached her first filing cabinet. It wasn't quite clear how the records were organized, but she made an assumption that it was alphabetical based on standard organization tactics. She opened one drawer, seeing a handful of thick folders with labeled names. Meredy skimmed the names until she saw Fairy Tail and grabbed the file without studying what was inside.
Turning to leave, Meredy exited the building as quietly as she'd arrived. She paused as she exited, pulling out a lacrima and placing it on the ground at the entrance of the building. Pushing magic into the device to activate it, Meredy smiled as the entire building was engulfed in a flash of red light. The activated magic faded, leaving any potential recording lacrimas drained of energy and useless. Now, if anyone attempted to trace back the location of the file, they'd have no clue as to who had stolen it. Even if they realized it was gone, she'd been subtle enough that it could be as simple as a misplaced folder and blamed on an employee. So, it was with a smile that Meredy returned to the airship with her new treasure in hand. With this information, she'd be able to truly understand the threat level of each wizard within the Fairy Tail guild and plan accordingly for their success.
The pain in Gray's head had finally stopped escalating. That was at least one thing to be somewhat pleased about. Yet, in its place was a weakness that compared to nothing he'd felt before. It was like he'd been forced to train until he was ready to pass out and then told to go run a marathon to keep up the pace. He couldn't move and opening his eyes was out of the question. Besides, it wasn't like he had figured out details of what was going on yet anyway, so he figured it didn't matter if he just let himself…rest for a moment.
That is a good plan. Resting is…a good plan for both of us, I think. Zeref was back. Gray didn't know if it was a relief or an irritation to hear his thoughts again. I did try to speak to you sooner. You simply could not hear me.
With is eyes closed, it was almost easier to hear Zeref's jumbled thoughts. Once again, they were almost flooded with images of Natsu. They came in brief flashes, as opposed to one coherent thought, but the moments all held the same tone; Natsu was precious and needed protection.
You got some weird brother complex or something? Because Natsu is anything but precious if you ask me. Gray was able to silently reply, though he didn't have energy for much else.
You'd feel similarly, if you found your brother dead in your family home as a child. Gray almost flinched at those words. But, they implied that Natsu had died. Then how the hell was he alive? You'll find out soon enough. I'm not feeling particularly stable at the moment, so you might as well hear it now. Zeref paused and Gray wondered what had changed. Natsu is a demon. If you change your opinion of him over something so inconsequential, however, I might find myself growing quite impatient. I might just demand you kill me now, damn the consequences to the plans I've made.
Well, that explained Natsu's destructive tendencies. Gray wanted to laugh at his own poor joke, even if he hadn't said it out loud. Yet, it also explained how they could even be related. Much like the demons on Galuna Island, there was no telling when Natsu was brought back, only that he was. Got it. I don't suppose you're being open about your curse now too, are you?
Hardly. You've seen more than enough of it personally as it stands. There was something like a snort from Zeref and Gray wondered if he'd actually amused the man with the comment. Though, you'll be hearing some of it soon enough from your companion. If he still chooses to ally with you, that is. He seemed to be siding with Phantom Lord, last I saw, all because some woman swayed his heart.
Yeah? You gonna judge someone for following their heart? Because I certainly won't.
Really? You do realize I was following my heart when I created all of my demons…including Deliora. Zeref paused. Are you still going to claim you do not judge me for my demons?
That…was a long time ago. It was a flimsy excuse, but Gray had no other words. He knew he should be angry. Yet, he'd just spent who knows how long lying on the ground in agony, wishing for anything to just end the pain. Zeref had lived like that for centuries. Sure, the guy had some control now, likely having let go of his attachment to life for some measure of peace, but it still had to be hard. As much as I'd like to say I hate you for it, after the last few days, weeks, or whatever I've just gone through, I'd almost say I get it. He paused. Almost. Still don't think death's the right choice, but I get why you'd look to that for an answer.
And yet the experience has pushed you too far away from hatred for success to be found, as far as I can tell. Zeref was quiet. And now I'm going to hate myself even more. I've been tasked with punishing an old friend…and I so readily and impulsively agreed. There was no time, Natsu was dying, and yet…am I truly that heartless already? Have I already forgotten so much?
Gray didn't know. He hardly knew the guy at all, really. All he knew was that the man suffered, made demons, and wanted to die. I can't really say. Why was Zeref even asking for his opinion? It just made no sense.
Because I have no one else to ask. There was another pause before Zeref continued. Please. What…do you think I am heartless? That it is impossible for me to…value anyone? I cannot say, thinking about it myself. On the one hand, what I did was rooted in the goal of protecting life. I wished to save Natsu and in doing so, prevent this old friend of mine from perishing. Yet…I may have condemned him to an even worse fate, when he had already accepted his death. Did I make the right choice?
From what little I've seen, Natsu is important to you. Beyond that, like I said, I'm no one to you and all I know about you is that you're responsible for killing my family. I'm not the person you should be asking this, not after what has happened.
But that is precisely why I wish for your opinion. Gray didn't know what to say. How did that make him ideal for an opinion? You are biased in the worst possible way, seeing me directly for sins that most cannot say they've witnessed me commit. You've also experienced what pushed me to such extremes, so you have the contrast to know where my logic stems from. Have I forgotten? Or am I still capable of clinging to life, despite what has happened?
He clung to Natsu, that much was certain. Thinking about him now, Gray frowned. Well…look. How about I answer later? The most I can judge right now is that you care about a few individuals, but overall, you seem rather indifferent. There's something about you that just seems to dislike people at first sight, either that or see them as some tool to use like you did with me. If you really want to say you care about life, and make others see you that way, then you need to work on making a lot of changes before I'd confidently give out an answer like that.
Zeref was quiet and Gray wondered if he should have just said yes, the guy was heartless for destroying so many lives for a selfish cause. The man suffered, but it didn't warrant so much suffering and death, like Zeref created in the world. Would…would you be willing to help me? Gray snorted, almost immediately moving to refuse. I will help you in return. Help me see that there is value in life…and I will return to investigate my curse once more. At least, until I am no longer able to tolerate living like this again.
Was it worth it? It was a twisted deal, that much was certain. He'd be helping a man value life, just before he went off and found a way to die. It didn't seem like something that was kind to do, not to anyone. Yet, Zeref was trapped in that darkness and if he valued life again, it would only push him further into that hole. Gray had just lived through it, knowing the pain it caused to care with that curse. Not even Zeref deserved that.
I don't need to value people as strongly as you do. Just…enough to not completely forget. One person was enough to remind me, about a hundred years ago. I think I need one more person to remind me again now, before it is too late.
Well, that almost made it worse. Yet, he was stuck with the guy in his head anyway. Wouldn't it be better for both of them if Zeref was at least mildly happy while he was stuck like this? Even if it changed nothing, Gray still would get the help he needed from Zeref. It might be the one thing he needed to get out of using iced shell, sometime in the future. Alright. He sighed, slowly groaning as he tried to open his eyes. He'd been lost and asleep, talking to Zeref for far too long. You have yourself a deal. But, this time, you better not pull any dirty tricks to get out of it.
Dirty tricks? You were the one who attempted to claim we were allies to exploit our original deal.
No, I really thought you were an ally. Admittedly, a strange one who I couldn't trust, but still someone who was helping with a problem I needed to have solved. Zeref didn't answer and Gray finally managed to pry his eyes open. Light flickered into view and he squinted, feeling it burn his eyes after having them closed for so long. He lifted an arm, shielding his face from the sun. Yet, exhaustion still weighed on him. He almost wanted to just go back and sleep more, despite it still being light out.
That is my fault. I utilized powerful celestial magic, something your body is not exactly used to. Lucy's magic? Why the hell had he needed that? My old friend is a celestial spirit. You'll likely hear more about him soon enough…I've been left to decide upon his punishment after all. Gray heard a faint replay of his recent conversation and Zeref's thoughts turned dark.
You do realize you can do nothing, right? Zeref was silent, while Gray snorted, seeing his friends surrounding him. All you have to do is make sure Loke can't kill you and from what I understand, that's already impossible regardless of what you do to him.
Oh. Zeref was quiet again. For some reason, I just…couldn't see it. I didn't think the answer would be so simple. Gray snorted again, shaking his head and looking around.
"Are you okay?" Lyon was there, surprisingly holding out a hand to help him up. "Since you can't seem to stand on your own, I thought I'd lend a hand." Where was he even? He saw Natsu and their team surrounding them, with an additional girl hovering nervously in the background. "Are you yourself again? I thought it'd be the case, but can't exactly tell on sight alone."
"Yeah, I'm back." Gray sighed, closing his eyes. "Black's probably coming to join us soon. I'll explain the details of that one later." The stranger somewhat prevented him from saying much, given their deal. "What the hell is going on here anyway?"
"Phantom Lord has declared war against our guild." Erza crossed her arms over her chest, glancing out towards the forest. "They've retreated for now, after Black summoned that spirit from before."
"I still have no idea who that even was." Lucy frowned, shaking her head. "Did he tell you anything about it? I mean, I've heard of a lot of spirits, and if I had to guess…well, I'd say my guess would be impossible. It was almost as if he'd somehow managed to summon the spirit king, but he has no actual key to be summoned with."
She is correct, on both accounts. The technique for summoning him is rather unusual. Zeref paused for a moment. I wasn't even certain if I'd be capable of it, all things considered. I typically am not the sort to create strong bonds, but the celestial spirits…well, they are a unique case. I've known them for nearly my entire life, a rare thing indeed.
"He just said that you're right about it." Gray saw her blink, her eyes growing wide.
"Wait, he actually summoned the Celestial Spirit King? Then I just yelled at him! Oh my god, I had no idea who I was talking to." Lucy clutched her hair, her eyes wide.
"Relax, Lucy. I'm certain he won't mind." Natsu grinned, patting her back. "Besides, he did help out, right? I mean, I felt pretty awful for a while there." Natsu frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. "But now I'm back to being me again! Plus, we've got Gray back and we're gonna head back out on our mission." His grin returned as he turned towards Lyon. "So, what's next anyway? I figure Gramps is dealing with the rest of Phantom Lord, so we've got time to talk about details anyway."
"I'm not entirely certain." Lyon frowned, glancing over his shoulder at the girl again. Then, he sighed and focused back on Gray. "This will not be easy. I did find some information, but what I found does not make things simpler in any way."
"I see. Regardless, any information is still progress and will aid us in moving forward." Erza focused on Lyon, nodding. "Please, share what you know."
Gray cleared his throat, interrupting. Erza frowned, before seeing Gray incline his head towards the blue haired girl. "Sorry to interrupt, but she's not exactly supposed to listen in."
"Juvia does not wish to leave."
Turning back, Lyon sighed. "It is for all of our sakes, Juvia. Please, try and make sure your guild makes it off of the island safely. This is a mission I must complete, but I also must complete it using my own strength."
"Really? Not gonna even let us help?" Gray crossed his arms over his chest, yet Lyon ignored him. It was unusual for him to not rise to a taunt like that, but he just watched instead.
Juvia pouted at Lyon, before slowly nodding her head and folding her hands in front of her. "Juvia understands. She does not wish to be in Lyon's way, so she shall go for now." She turned, moving to leave. Yet, she paused at the edge, glancing back towards them. "Juvia will see you again, one day." Lyon nodded and the girl smiled, her cheeks dusting with pink as she turned and dashed off.
Turning back towards the rest, Lyon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry. She was someone I met while at Phantom Lord, a kind, strong, and independent woman. It was a strangely pleasant experience, thanks to her I suppose." Huh. So, Zeref wasn't lying about Lyon suddenly falling for a random girl. He hoped things turned out well for him, at least, though it seemed like they might. Juvia was already wanting to come back to see him more, at least. "Regardless, as to the matter at hand, I have discovered that—"
"My curse was given by the gods." Gray blinked, turning around and seeing Zeref interrupting. "Sorry to interrupt, but it seems that this may be a subject I know more about than you, all things considered."
"What are you even doing here?"
"Helping." Zeref didn't elaborate, glancing over at Gray and giving him a slight nod. It was a sign of acknowledgement, showing that he was following through on their deal. That just meant Gray had to figure out what it took to get Zeref to see life as valuable, at least slightly. So, he nodded in return, crossing his arms over his chest. "The curse was given by Ankhseram, the god of life and death. Little to no information is available on the curse itself, however, if you wished to research it alone. Even if you know it by name, there is nothing to be found."
"But I thought those demons on Galuna Island knew something about it?" Natsu frowned. "Doesn't make sense that there's nothing on it at all, if they know something."
"They—" Zeref broke off, his head turning. "We'll resume this in a moment. It appears as if people are coming here." The man stood tensely there, keeping his distance and just watching. Yet, slowly, Gray began to see people coming near. Evergreen was thrown back by some spell and shadows were dancing around the air surrounding people on the ground. "Shades. Someone has an interesting fighting style, choosing them to handle battles on their behalf."
"We can analyze what they are later." Lucy pointed over to the crowd. "That's our guild, our friends right now. I don't know about you, but I'm not just gonna stand around and watch them get beat up over some pointless war!"
She charged forward, pulling her keys out and quickly summoning Taurus, who leapt into battle. Yet as his axe swung through the shadows, it seemed to have little overall effect in reducing the numbers. Fairy Tail wizards were launching large attacks, with Bisca and Alzack shooting rapidly into the air. Evergreen had recovered and was launching her fairy machine gun spell at them in rapid succession. Surprisingly, even Mira was helping out, giving Gray the chance to see her she-devil form for the first time since they lost Lisanna. Yet, it still wasn't enough for the sheer number of creatures attacking.
"Fighting them holds no purpose. This is why analysis of magic is important, you know," Zeref said. Gray glared at him, before moving forward to join in himself. "Their creator can continue to replenish their numbers with ease, Gray. Shades require little magic to create and if the goal is to cause exhaustion, they need even less to keep them active. It is only when one wishes to create a powerful army that this magic becomes taxing, as the stronger you wish the soldiers to be, the more energy you must supply them with."
"That doesn't mean I'm gonna just stand here and watch them get hurt!" Gray glared at him. "You want a lesson of how to help others and keep the value of life in mind? Well, here's your first lesson. People don't just abandon others because they can't find a solution. They keep trying and push through to keep each other safe."
"Yeah! We're gonna beat those shade things to a pulp." Natsu grinned, pounding a fist into his palm. "I'm getting fired up already. My magic's back, so these things don't stand a chance."
Erza requiped, her heaven's wheel armor appearing on her in a flash of light. "And I will be aiding as well. Lyon, care to assist in the protection of our friends, as an honorary member of Fairy Tail?"
"Like I'm a part of this ridiculous guild." Lyon shook his head, but he was smiling anyway, preparing to start attacking. "Though, you'd all be hopeless without me, so I suppose I have little other options but to assist."
The four of them began joining in, magic flying into the battle against the shadow creatures. Gray tried to focus on larger attacks compared to usual, just because of how many targets there were, yet his usual style wasn't suited to it. "Ice Make: Geyser!" A towering mass of ice launched into the sky, spiking upward and hitting multiple shades and dispersing them. "Ice Make: Spear!" Dual blades launched upward, hitting two at once. Yet, he was already breathing heavily from just two spells. Damn it, he was still exhausted from whatever the hell Zeref had done.
"Don't overdo it, Gray." Zeref spoke, glancing upward and sighing. "It seems as if none of you realize how simple it is to ignore them and find the one creating them to solve the issue."
"Unlike you, we're not immortal and can actually be hurt by these things," Gray countered.
Zeref frowned, but didn't respond. Instead, he seemed to just walk on, moving through the battlefield like nothing was going on. Ignoring the man, Gray tried to focus on seeing if he could manage one more attack. Yet, Natsu was already there, hitting the incoming shade with a fiery fist. "Hey, you getting weak on me, ice princess? I think you've hit me harder than that and I'm not even your actual enemy."
"Hardly. You just haven't noticed all the shades I've taken out." It didn't matter what the occasion was. Gray always had time to bicker with Natsu. The two of them stood back to back, preparing to face more creatures at once. Yet, Gray's legs still felt like giving out and collapsing.
"You okay?" Natsu's voice was quieter this time before he kicked out, hitting another shade with a blast of fire.
Icy eagles flew in front of Gray, slashing through another incoming creature. He looked over and saw Lyon, giving his old rival a nod before awaiting another one. As Lyon continued fighting through the hoard, Natsu remained close and continued to fight recklessly with his flames. "You only just got back up. I can tell you're not steady on your feet, either. Don't pretend to be strong when you're just gonna get yourself killed by fighting, Gray. I'm not the only one who's seen it, either," the dragon slayer said.
Was it that obvious? Lyon approached, seeming to be prepared to take his spot in the battle and cover this area for now. Natsu began launching more rapid attacks, firing a roar into the sky. Meanwhile, Lyon created more eagles, all of which were being directed to scatter and attack multiple shades at once. Erza's swords would launch into the haze of magic on occasion and things in general just seemed chaotic with the different forms of magic meshing together in one massive field. "Get out of here. Don't be an idiot and try fighting right now."
He needed to protect them! Damn it! He grimaced, touching his head. Yet, when he didn't move, Natsu nodded and glanced over his shoulder. There, a blue cat rested, one that Gray had nearly forgotten about in all of the chaos. "Sorry, Gray, but someone needs to drag you away before you hurt yourself too." Small paws grabbed the back of his shirt and began lifting him into the sky. Gray gave out a startled yelp, before glaring down at Natsu.
"Hey! Don't think you can keep me out of this, Natsu!"
"You're welcome, Gray! Besides, you were just getting in my way here, anyway." The dragon slayer smirked, before focusing once more on the battle. Happy dragged Gray away and the sight slowly faded from his eyes. Yet, when Happy began to land, it was in a strange place.
"Something's weird here…wait, is this where that black cloud was?" Happy put Gray down, his wings vanishing as he landed on the ground. Yet, the landscape was so vastly different from where they'd just been. There were no trees and there didn't seem to be wildlife of any form. Surrounding them was nothing but darkened land and dirt, though Gray thought he spotted a few dead animals nearby. The ice wizard went pale, remembering his headache. Had they really been so close to where Zeref actually was?
Taking a step forward, Gray began to glance around. He'd caused this. His own care for his friends pushed the curse into such a massive bout of destruction. Yet, he'd understood that it was better this way. Gray wasn't just going to let go of his friends because of a headache and he certainly wasn't going to forget them over a few dead trees and plants. However, Gray stopped when his foot bumped into something, just before he returned to the livelier area of the forest. On the ground was a stranger, a person. Much like the rest of the forest, he was also dead.
Gray's eyes widened and he took a step back. "Happy, what happened?"
Seeing his gaze, Happy's ears drooped. "Oh." The cat frowned, keeping his distance. "He has Phantom Lord's guild mark on his hand. I guess he wanted to investigate the cloud. I knew that spell felt funny, but I didn't think it'd be this bad."
"That was Zeref's curse." Gray spoke, staring at the body. "At the time, that was me. I killed him, because I didn't want to kill anybody." Gray's arms shook and he swallowed. "I didn't even know they were here, what they wanted, or that they were our enemies right now. I knew nothing and yet I just killed him and didn't even notice."
"Hey, you didn't mean it, right? Plus, this was Zeref's curse, so you can't really say it was your fault."
If he'd been able to think about something else, like Zeref, maybe he could have stopped this. Maybe he could have— The first deaths you cause are always worse than others. Do not think it would have been better with control, Gray. The person you are is in part defined by your view of others. Forgetting such a thing and attempting to suppress such connections changes you drastically. It is a far greater challenge to remember after making such a change than it is to initially force yourself to forget.
How did Zeref cope with this? He caused things like this on a daily basis. Maybe that was why he thought he'd become heartless. Unlike Gray, Zeref was able to take these things in stride and keep moving past them. It was not so easy, at first, Gray. After my first outburst…that was my first attempt to die. And that cascaded into a long stream of attempts to overcome my immortality, some ranging from simple ideas anyone would attempt and gradually growing more complicated. Did you know I devised a death magic song to try and end my life? It failed, of course, but it was one of my more creative methods.
Lullaby. He'd designed Lullaby to end his life. Was that the same for all of his demons? It almost made sense. Yet, Gray didn't want to think too hard about that. "Let's just move on, Happy. Being in this area is giving me chills."
"Since when do you get cold, Gray?"
"I don't."
Happy frowned, but didn't comment. Instead, his wings reappeared and he grabbed Gray wordlessly and took off. Gray would be able to push that stranger out of his mind and not think about the second person he'd killed now. Technically, the first had been a demon, but did the difference really matter? Those demons had been peaceful and harmless, like Natsu was. He'd been letting biases cloud his judgement, assuming all of them were like Deliora and Lullaby.
At least the damage was minimal, all things considered. I did my best to keep people away, but it is impossible to manage curious people well enough to avoid any death in this sort of situation. Zeref paused again. My first outburst was at my school. The demons you met on Galuna Island were my former peers and instructors. All of them perished at once, with the first outburst of my curse. So, to give some perspective, you see that it holds the chance to be worse.
Gray snorted. That didn't exactly make things better. Just because it could've been worse didn't mean he was happy with what he had done. Either way, if he didn't want to despair over things as badly as Zeref did, he would need to move on and accept it. The curse made it something beyond his control. He had to believe that, or he'd keep living in the past, focused on memories of something he couldn't change. He'd let it control his actions…just like when he'd lost his parents to Deliora.
When Happy landed, Gray sat down, closing his eyes. It was silent, despite the cat's attempts to get his attention and start a conversation at first. Eventually, Happy had given up too and just sat next to Gray, quietly gazing out into the forest. "I wonder if Natsu's beaten the bad guys yet." Happy mumbled out a comment, unable to stand the silence it seemed.
"No, but I have defeated the creator of the shades." Zeref appeared, standing in front of them and watching them closely with dark eyes. Happy jumped, pressing himself into Gray's side quickly. "Do you really think I have intentions to harm either of you? Gray is useful to my plans and I've also made an agreement to assist in the breaking of my curse…or at least, as much as I am able."
Gray met his gaze steadily, narrowing his eyes. "Yeah. Still doesn't seem like that'll happen all that easily right now."
"The one creating the shades was Phantom Lord's guild master. I'd say without him, the war will end, regardless of what reason it had to begin." Well, that was something at least. "And given your thoughts, I thought it might be beneficial to have a distraction once more. So, it seems only fitting to begin now with what I know."
"You're gonna talk about your curse now? When my guild's still fighting a war that I can't even help with?"
"Do you have a better idea?" Gray went quiet, scowling and looking away. With a small smile, Zeref sat down, keeping his distance and gazing up at the sky. "Don't worry. They will be fine. This island has certain spells that protect Fairy Tail wizards." Well, that was something at least. "The story of my curse began a very long time ago, Gray. To put it simply, the Curse of Contradictions is given to anyone who practices unwarranted magic that either creates life or causes death."
"That's not possible. If that were the case, Master Makarov would be cursed as well." Zeref frowned, his brow furrowing. "Our guild has a spell…" Gray trailed off, realizing he probably shouldn't talk much about Fairy Tail's greatest spells. They were secret for a reason, even if some people eventually learned they existed.
"Ah, Mavis passed down Law, did she?" Gray blinked, seeing Zeref smile. "That is a bit…different, though the particulars are difficult to explain to one unfamiliar with what happens. In simplest terms, that spell is not without its own cost, at least, in the form it has now. In the past, it was incomplete and still caused the curse. Perhaps your master can confirm that much of the story at least, if you ask him about your guild's founder."
"Are you saying our first master was cursed too?"
Zeref nodded. "And that was my first encounter with something that could surpass my immortality." Wait, it was actually possible? "Yes, it is. The curse itself can kill another who is cursed…or nearly do so at least. Had I realized, I would never have let myself…care for her."
Oh. Gray stared at him, thinking about his blind rage towards Lyon for chasing blindly after Juvia. Zeref was also a bit distant when talking about anything involving caring for people around him. Was he just jealous? Or was he feeling guilty?
"Perhaps a combination of both, to be honest. Yet, I care little about the difference." Zeref sighed, closing his eyes. "I am straying off topic, however. My creation of demons is what caused my curse. No matter what one's motives are, the curse will affect you if you create any form of life."
So, living magic wasn't exactly a practicable field. He stared at Zeref, seeing the black wizard sigh. "I've attempted solutions to end the curse. There do exist some generic spell-breaking techniques out there. Moon Drip, as you saw on Galuna Island, was one of them. Yet, all moon drip could do was render the death predation rather ineffective, unraveling the death magic as it dispersed. Since the moon is not exactly a constant presence in the sky, it isn't even feasible to consider eternally living in a state with moon drip active on my person, hence my lack of a greater pursuit of the spell."
"I've attempted others too, but most of such methods are designed towards particular curses. Breaking curses is a complex business and usually, the complexity of curses themselves requires specific spells to reverse them in turn." Zeref paused. "Other methods are meant to be anti-wizarding magic of a form. Magic that is meant to cancel magic, that is. There is a second curse, designed to block the body's ability to expel ethernano. I did attempt that one once…but the result was painful, to put it lightly. Eventually, the death predation built up to the point where the ethernano inside of me managed to surpass the limits of the curse and it expelled far more violently than it usually would after such a long delay. Plus, by breaking free, it broke the wall established by the anti-wizarding curse and made it inapplicable for future situations."
"There was also a similar attempt when I was arrested…though this time not of my own choice. The magic council had just adapted knowledge from that curse onto physical objects to prevent criminals from breaking free with their magic. Yet, it was a similar result to cursing myself in the end." Zeref paused. "I've looked into methods that would not be attemptable by a wizard, as well. My connection to celestial spirits is a result of that, partially. Celestial spirits utilize a form of energy that is like magic, but not quite the same. I had hoped that perhaps their energy could clash enough with magic to…overwrite it, almost. Either that, or overpower it like I had hopes with my demons, who are another matter completely."
"Wait…you're saying demons don't use magic?" Gray frowned. "That doesn't make sense! Deliora clearly had some weird energy beam he could use."
"Curse power. It is…difficult to describe, in technical terms. Yet, the energy is not drawn from ethernano, but rather a second energy form that is inaccessible to most living creatures." Zeref shrugged. "Celestial spirits, in contrast, draw energy from the stars themselves. If the stars in their constellations were to burn out, the spirit representing it would weaken and eventually fade as all of them vanished. I thought that it was a magic close enough to the heavens that it held a possibility of being effective. Even they, however, had no knowledge of how to reverse a curse given by the gods. Their advice was to atone for my sins and seek forgiveness rather than attempting to solve the problem on my own."
"And have you tried to gain forgiveness?"
Zeref rolled his eyes. "Do you have any idea what you'd be asking me to do? Beg the sky for forgiveness? Talk to myself even more than I already do after decades of self-isolation? I'm already aware that I'm going mad, Gray. I'd rather not worsen that side of my predicament."
What? Gray blinked at Zeref, his eyes wide. Did the black wizard just say he was going crazy? It was unnerving to consider. Even sane, the man did some pretty crazy things. If he lost what sanity remained, just what would Zeref do?
"Start a war with your guild, likely." Gray didn't know if he was serious or joking. "Fairy Law isn't the greatest secret your guild possesses. There is…one other matter, that would interest me greatly, should I lose my grip on what a sane course of action should be." He paused. "That is why you are helping me, Gray. So long as I remember the value of life…my last shred of sanity should remain."
So, he was serious then. "No pressure, huh?" Zeref's mouth twitched and Gray just shook his head. "So, celestial magic doesn't have an answer, obviously praying isn't gonna get any god's attention, demons can't kill you, and generic curse-breaking spells don't work. Is there anything else missing from that list?" If he focused on the task, he'd hopefully be able to forget that the black wizard just basically threatened to massacre his entire guild.
"A few spells of my own creation, attempting to create a counter-spell to the curse myself. Yet, the magic of the gods is more complex than I realized. It isn't something that is readily studied, either." Zeref frowned. "I've come…close, in recent years, to studying it. Yet, the magic I've seen is still vastly different from the field I'd require. From what little I was able to witness, I am almost certain that each god has a unique…style? Energy? The right word doesn't quite come to mind, but using one to learn about another is virtually impossible without a larger amount of data for comparison."
"You're talking like you actually met a god recently."
"Almost." Zeref smiled, tilting his head. "I've encountered someone that's just as useful, in that sense. Someone with the ability to lend her body to a god, using a form of take-over magic."
Someone with god take-over magic? Gray inhaled slowly, closing his eyes. He knew Mira, Lisanna, and Elfman all learned variations on take-over, but using it on gods? It just seemed impossible. Beast take-over had overwhelmed Elfman, which resulted in the whole tragedy with Lisanna. If something was stronger than the user, it just wasn't possible to do a full take-over with it. So, how did one master take-overs with a god?
"Hmm…I'm not certain. I think it has more to do with having the favor of the gods in this case. Being liked by a god tends to make them kinder on the individual." Zeref tilted his head. "She doesn't seem like herself, after all, when the take-over is in place. So, it is likely that she loses control every time she activates the ability, though the god is kind enough to still follow through on her will out of respect for her history."
"Do I even want to know how another person has some weird history with gods?"
"Oh, that isn't bad. She comes from a long line of individuals who were devoted to protecting…a specific god's domain." Zeref hesitated at the end, before smiling. "Apologies for the secrecy again, yet I find it necessary to utilize. I still cannot quite bring myself to believe we'll find success, in either of our plans."
"Giving up before even trying isn't exactly a good habit to have." Zeref shrugged and Gray sighed, staring off into the distance. Somewhere out there, Fairy Tail was finishing their battle. Happy was still near him, listening in to the conversation, but he'd been quiet throughout the process. "We'll figure something out, alright? From the sounds of it, our first step is to understand more about these gods. I can't say I know much about them, but it sounds like your friend might."
"Getting her to speak of it is…challenging, to put it lightly." Zeref smiled faintly. "She'd do it, if I requested information, but it would put her in a bad mood."
And he was actually worried about that? Gray didn't know what to say. Zeref didn't explain why and just stared at him, waiting for another suggestion. "Got it. Any other plans you've refused to try that I should avoid suggesting then?"
"One, or well, technically two, but I doubt you'd come up with those solutions anyway." Plus, the guy still wasn't sharing. So, he was being limited in his helpfulness. Gray sighed, scratching his head as he thought.
"You know, you could just try going out to find these gods in person. I mean, they've gotta live somewhere, right?" Happy looked between them, before lowering his gaze as they both turned towards him. "Sorry…I shouldn't say anything. Maybe I'll just go back and find Natsu…"
"No, that isn't necessary." Zeref spoke, frowning. "The idea, conceptually, is fine, yet execution would be challenging. Locating the gods is a nearly impossible task. I imagine they live in a location akin to the Celestial World, given the fact that no one has seen or heard of them in centuries. They should be connected, but apart from us."
"So, without the right key to open the door…"
"We'll never see them." It was unnerving, being on the same page as Zeref about something. Yet, if he just let go of what he knew of the man's history, it was almost easy to work by his side. Gray honestly hadn't felt so calm around him since they last worked together on Galuna Island to brainstorm ideas on how to free Ur.
"Sorry. I guess it really was a stupid idea." Happy pouted, sitting down on the ground. "I don't know what to do then. Because if we don't find an answer, Gray's gonna be gone. Then I'll be sad and Natsu will be too, I just know it. He doesn't hate Gray like he pretends to, I'm certain of it…"
"I never once thought that flame brain hated me, Happy." Gray smirked, shaking his head. "So, yeah, I get it. I'm still trying to come up with something too."
"Now you are beginning to see why I said destroying the moon was as good of a solution as any." Zeref smiled slightly and Gray only scowled as he brought that old topic back up. "I've exhausted all possibilities that have come to mind thus far. As far as I can tell, there simply is no method to directly eliminate the curse, so my only solution is to find something more powerful than the curse that will end my life."
"We could try asking Moka again."
Zeref's jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing. "That man won't be helpful." Gray was quiet, seeing Zeref look away. "He knew of the curse, before I gained it. He warned me not to use the magic I'd been trying to create, stating there'd be some sort of consequence for it. Yet, he said nothing of what it was. The moment my curse was placed, he identified what was happening by name. He knew what curse I'd gain and what it'd do. Part of me almost left him dead because of that, yet I still needed as much practice as I could get, before Natsu…"
"Do you have any other contacts that might know something more about the curse than you?" Zeref didn't answer, glaring into the forest around them. "Because as far as I can tell, we're out of options and we still have no solutions to the problem. At least Moka might be able to tell us something, which is better than what we have now."
"He'll tell me to gain the forgiveness of the gods, just as the celestial spirits did."
"And maybe he'll direct us on how to do that." Zeref didn't answer. "You said you didn't want to go blindly shouting prayers into the sky and there isn't exactly a well-known way to get into contact with gods most people don't even think exist. Are you gonna tell me that you're gonna turn back now, when there's a chance of moving forward?"
Zeref met his gaze, those dark eyes looking irritated and angry. "I can't move forward; that is precisely my problem." Gray frowned, while Zeref gave him a vicious grin. "The world moves on, while I remain still. This suffering will only end when Natsu comes to destroy me…no, no, I cannot allow that." The man touched his head and something seemed to be wrong with him. Gray watched, seeing him rock slightly on the ground. "I will destroy him. Before he gets to me, I must…" Zeref inhaled sharply, closing his eyes.
"Zeref?"
The man's head turned towards Gray, blinking a few times. There was something unfocused about those dark eyes, yet gradually, they seemed to grow clear, watching Gray closely. "I…I'm sorry. What…what was I just talking about?"
What had that been? Gray stared at him, swallowing. It hadn't sounded anything like what Zeref usually did when talking about Natsu. Even his thoughts were off; for a moment, Gray had felt something just scatter in his mind. Now, it was just a blank hollow space, with no recollection of what that had been. "I think I might've finally seen what you meant when you said you were going mad, Zeref."
The black wizard stared at him, before nodding and turning away. "Oh…that again." The wizard touched his head, frowning. "It has been more infrequent, lately, at least. I cannot say if that is good or bad, but part of me blames it on…forgetting. Which, I suppose, would mean that infrequent outbursts of that nature are not desired."
"Do you ever act when you're like that? Or do you just talk?"
"I don't know." Zeref stared at his lap, his brow furrowed. "There's hardly ever moments I can recall when I get scattered like that. How it feels…it is difficult to describe."
Nodding, Gray frowned, inhaling slowly. "Got it. I suppose I'll just have to keep an eye on it then." Zeref didn't answer and Gray slowly rose to his feet. "Either way, we should get moving. I've been resting for long enough and we need to find the rest of the team before heading back to Galuna for more answers." Zeref didn't argue this time, though the man did keep scowling as they began to walk. However, Gray's mind was still focused on the man's unstable rambling, hoping Zeref would never actually act on that insane desire to kill off the brother he'd fought so hard to bring back.
This is a longer update this week, but there was a lot to cover. I hope you all enjoyed! Also, I got a review indicating a preference for reading on AO3 - for anyone else that is curious, I am cross-posting this story there so you are welcome to read on either site that you prefer.