Jack flipped through the pages without really seeing them. His eye was actually on the figure in the infirmary bed next to him. When she had first been taken there after being revived, he knew he would be at first watch and didn't want to show up empty-handed. At first, picking up the book was like having a touchstone to cling to, but now that he had been sitting here for hours while she slept, he was beginning to feel like an idiot…well, more of an idiot than usual.
He had almost started a puzzle without her, but that had just felt wrong, and that wrong feeling triggered another, far worse one – the feeling he had when he had used the zat on her…twice. At first he'd wondered if his hesitation meant his buried feelings for her had affected his judgment. But his second, more horrifying thought, was that he had done it to prove his judgment hadn't been compromised. He wondered what all she would remember...if she would want him anywhere near her when she woke, much less in possession of thei...her book. With a glance at the phone on the wall, he considered calling Daniel, but the weight of his thoughts left him unable to stand.
Jack scrubbed a hand over his face and realized he was in need of a shave. Everyone had been a little preoccupied lately, but he knew his own preoccupation was bordering on obsession, and it was starting to bleed through. Why couldn't he get a hold of himself? The year had been too much. He had been forced to bring feelings to the surface he'd have preferred to leave buried. And his complicated relationship with his second wasn't the only issue. He had grown to rely on his entire team far more than he ever had. And in his experience, that usually led to disappointment.
After his undercover mission the previous year, he'd been sure his team would never trust him again. But to his amazement, he couldn't seem to shake them.
"It'd be a shame to break in a new leader, we just got this one trained." He'd overheard Daniel joking to Siler before the next mission, pretending like he didn't know Jack was standing behind them.
Sure, there was a bit of resentment and confusion, but the universe hadn't stopped to coddle them, so they were thrust back into action where trust was a necessity. No sooner had they reforged their bond when they lost Daniel to the crystal skull. Jack hadn't let on that he believed he was gone, that their luck had run out. Then he was back again, annoying as ever.
He didn't even want to think about the whole Za'tarc debacle, but one event he really couldn't seem to ignore was their stint on the ice planet. His feelings on that mission were so mixed. On the one hand, he wanted to be proud they had all found one another despite the memory stamps. He would never admit such a mushy sentiment to anyone. On the other hand was his relationship with Thera. There were chunks of memory missing and other half-memories he couldn't distinguish from dreams. Maybe all of it was better off locked away in the same room as the Za'tarcs. But the room was getting a bit full.
More recently he and Teal'c had also bonded, though he would have certainly preferred it not to have been on board the too ironically named death glider. He had always trusted Teal'c and considered him a brother, but he had to admit there had always been a tiny part of his subconscious that had seen him as alien. But that sentiment disappeared that day, in the moments before they took what they believed to be their last breaths.
He looked down at the book and realized he had been gripping the pages tightly enough to leave creases. He panicked and let go. The book wasn't in pristine condition, but the pages were crisp for the most part, and Carter would get onto him for messing up her book. He needed to think of something less stressful. What he really needed was to get off watch and go pass out somewhere, but he still had an hour left.
He scanned his memory for better images and almost passed up the disaster that was P4X-347, but then had to chuckle at the outcome. The initial withdrawal was an awful, terrible no good, very bad day. But the gradual detoxing that followed wasn't that bad. He'd been through worse, and at least he had company. He looked down at the book in his hands and grinned.
Unsurprisingly, Daniel had been the first to the supply box when it came through. Serious scientist instantly turned into a kid on Christmas and opened the box accordingly.
"I really hope she remembered my snacks," he muttered as he rifled through the contents, tossing some aside. Somehow, Janet had been converted into a mother of kids at summer camp, not just responsible for essential medical supplies, but also special requests.
Carter reached around him to grab a zippered bag with her name on it. "Don't worry, Daniel," she said, "Janet knows you will withdraw from M&Ms worse than from the light."
"Oh, were those for you?" Jack interjected around a mouthful of food. He hadn't seen quite that look in Daniel's eyes before, and regretted speaking even before he leapt at him and practically tackled him to the ground. As the space monkey was reaching, or rather clawing, for the bag in his hands, Jack opened it willingly.
"Easy, Dannyboy, I was kidding." Daniel grabbed the bag anyway before he realized he'd been had.
"Peanuts. Jerk." He tossed them back at Jack, spilling a few. He poured more into his mouth and smirked proudly while chewing. Daniel was always the easiest to mess with. Carter could be a little more satisfying, but he had to work at it.
"Hey Daniel, think fast." Carter tossed him a brown bag and the way he gleefully jumped for it made her giggle. She rarely giggled, at least not in Jack's presence, and it made it almost worth all the trouble they had been through the past week.
While Daniel gorged himself on candy, Carter went to stand over her commanding officer. She reached out a hand and he took it. The touch was electric, not quite as strong as it had been when they had argued before, but still stronger than normal. It reminded him a little of the kiss they had shared...well, it couldn't really be considered sharing if she didn't remember. He smiled and stared stupidly at her rather than getting up.
"What are you smiling at?" she interrupted his thoughts.
"Oh…nothin'," he said as he finally pulled on her to stand, which took her off guard, and they collided together but managed not to fall. She brushed at her uniform awkwardly and smirked in his direction before breaking eye contact. He strolled over to the box and rummaged some more before pulling out a familiar book and waving it at her.
"Wh...where...why…you really asked her to send that?" Then added belatedly, "Sir?"
"Had to make sure you read something besides popular astrophysics." He winked, entirely too proud of himself.
"But no one is even…" And she caught herself before she said anything to break the spell. They both knew it tended to make its appearance when someone was in the infirmary, despite whatever her original intentions had been. It was a steady presence, a way to cope. He 'd never liked medical facilities to begin with, but his dread of them had maxed out after Charlie. And Carter never said it in so many words, but he got the feeling she acquired her own distaste after her mother died.
She didn't say anything else, just took the book from him and turned to walk toward what she had designated as her area. He looked over and Daniel was still having an M&M party. He fidgeted with his empty peanut package and regretted not asking for a yo-yo. Then he heard her speak.
"You coming?" He looked up and she was waiting for him to follow her. So he did.
They had managed to make it through half of the "Sex, drugs, and rock and roll" puzzle before Daniel crashed the party. He was out of candy already. They basically ignored him wandering around the room and Sam read on.
"Hit It and Quit It," Sam read. She and Jack exchanged a look.
"Funkadelic!" Daniel shouted as he plopped down between them. He smelled of chocolate.
Sam started scribbling and then clapped Daniel on the shoulder in celebration. She exchanged another look with Jack.
"Okay, he can stay."
"What are you smiling at?" He looked up and realized she was awake. And asking him that damn question again. He never used to smile this much, he was going soft. He considered his options for a moment and then settled on, "I'm just glad you're awake."
Before those words could linger too long, he dropped the book next to her. "We have work to do."
She didn't miss a beat. "Let's get to it then."