Regina finished wiping down the counter, glancing up at the clock as she mentally counted down when she was due to pick up Henry. There were still another two hours before Boo went to bed, so it would likely be another two and a half before she went by to get her son. The younger boy had asked that Henwy stay until bedtime, and Regina had been powerless to deny his request, especially as he had looked up to her with big, pleading eyes. Damn his beautiful eyes, they reminded her too much of his sister's.
Regina startled out of her thoughts by the doorbell, followed by the sound of the front door opening.
"Honey, I'm home!"
Regina rolled her eyes at the sound of Zelena's obnoxious entry, as well as her presence in her home. She had asked her sister to go for lunch tomorrow and Zelena had just agreed. The entire conversation had taken place not – Regina glanced at the clock – twenty minutes ago. There was no way the woman had mixed up the dates- Regina had specifically stated tomorrow, and Zelena had confirmed yep, sis, see you tomorrow.
"Regina," Zelena said reproachfully, upon entering the kitchen, "it is rude not to greet one's guests at the door."
Regina snorted, placing her dishcloth in the sink.
"It's rude to just invite yourself into someone's home too."
"I was invited."
"Tomorrow. For lunch."
"I missed you. Can you blame me for wanting to see you? I haven't seen you these past few weeks as you've been entirely too busy shagging your new girlfriend."
Regina shook her head.
"She's not my girlfriend."
"You've made Emma into your fuck buddy? Well done, sis. Didn't know you had it in you," Zelena teased. She knew damn well Emma was more than that to Regina, but it was oh so fun to tease her.
"Where's Robyn?" Regina asked, changing the subject.
"With Ping. Where's Emma?"
"Her name is Mulan."
"Ping suits her better. Where's Emma? Tied up in your bed? Gagged? In your dungeon of pleasure?"
Regina let out a small sound of irritation. So Zelena was here to question her then. At least she would take her side. Zelena always took her side, even when she was in the wrong. Well, she'd tell Regina she was wrong but then would defend her to everyone else. It's kind of nice, even though her sister is an irritating thorn.
Simply for something to do, Regina grabbed the kettle and filled it with water, placing it on the stove before reaching for the tea.
"She's… gone."
"Gone?"
"Yes. I'm not sure where she is, but it isn't here."
"Trouble in paradise?"
"Something like that."
"What happened?"
Regina sighed, scooping tea leaves into two tea infusers as she half glanced at her sister, half looked at what she was doing.
"We had a… I guess you could call it a fight. Though it was more of a heated discussion I suppose."
"Well she's an idiot. You'll be having a lot of those, I expect. What did she get wrong this time?"
Regina smiled to herself.
"She isn't always wrong."
"Your weak defense of the idiot is cute at best, utterly pathetic at worst, you sap. Now I'll repeat the question: what did she do wrong this time?"
Regina paused, contemplating what to do. She was eventually going to tell Zelena about the pregnancy. She couldn't keep it quiet forever after all. But, she was hesitant. Because things still hadn't settled with Emma, and Zelena was incredibly protective of her little sister. Regina didn't exactly want to tell her about Emma's reaction for fear of what her magic-wielding, impulsive older sister might do.
Reaching for the screaming kettle, Regina decided to just tell her. She needed to talk about it with someone, and she would have to eventually tell Zelena anyway. She would handle her sister's potentially vengeful response if and when it happened.
Regina poured two steaming mugs of hot water, carrying them over to where Zelena sat.
"I'll be right back."
Regina left the room and made her way up to her bedroom, reaching into her closet and taking out one of the pregnancy tests she had hidden there. She clutched it in her hand as she slowly made her way downstairs, entering into the kitchen a moment later and placing the test face down before Zelena.
"We're not talking about it yet, so please don't tell anyone."
Zelena began grinning even before she turned over the little white stick. She knew what this was and – oh!
Regina winced at the sound of Zelena's shrill cry, the shriek of happiness practically piercing her eardrums. She was quickly engulfed in a hug, nearly toppling backwards with the force of Zelena's enthusiasm.
"I'm going to be an auntie! Ah! Yes! I'm so pleased! Congratulations!" Zelena was practically hopping up and down for joy. "Robyn will have a cousin to play with!"
Zelena pulled back, grinning madly.
"You look wonderful. I'm so happy for you, baby sister. Does Henry know yet?"
"Not yet."
"Oh! I'm unbelievably excited, but this doesn't mean we aren't talking about the fight you had with Emma later. You can't change the subject that easily," Zelena said sternly, though its effectiveness was negated by the sizeable smile on her lips.
"Actually… it's all one conversation," Regina admitted. "We had a- a fight about this. The pregnancy."
"She's not denying its hers, is she?" Zelena said, face suddenly twisting with rage. "You're no harlot and I'll be happy to correct her-"
"No. She isn't denying its hers. She's just… not sure she's happy about it. About the baby."
"What?! What's not to be happy about? Babies are wonderful. They're cute, and cuddly, and give lots of lovely kisses when they're older. Though they do cry an awful lot and smell wretched when they've soiled their nappies and they're little sleep thieves, and yeah, alright I can understand why one would be a little apprehensive. But that doesn't excuse her behaviour." Realising she had no idea how Emma reacted, Zelena then added, "How was her behaviour?"
Regina gave a sad smile.
"She could have been worse, I suppose. But she wasn't… she wasn't supportive. At all. She was rather accusatory actually."
"She blames you for this? She was there. She helped create my adorable niece or nephew."
"She does. I was in the wrong as well, I never told her that I could become pregnant. She heard about the fight with my mother. She knew I had drank a potion to make myself barren. But she hadn't heard of the reversal of the spell. So, she didn't know that I was able to get pregnant, and we never used protection. She made it quite clear that we would have had she known I was able to conceive."
Hearing the hurt in her sister's voice made Zelena want to destroy Emma from limb to limb. She would do that later, she promised herself. For now, she'd pull Regina into a hug and hold her close.
"When did you have this argument?"
"Almost a week ago."
"And you haven't heard from her?"
"No. I've spoken to her father and he said he'd speak with her, but… I still haven't heard anything."
"Well, she's an idiot."
Regina gave a soft laugh, resting more fully against Zelena as she enjoyed the comfort of her embrace.
"You've said."
"I was right."
Regina stayed quiet. She closed her eyes when Zelena began rubbing her back, slowly relaxing in her arms. As she began relaxing though, the hurt she'd been keeping down began bubbling to the surface, and soon she was crying openly in her sister's arms.
"I know, darling. Shh. I've got you. Would you like me to set fire to her car? Or perhaps to her stupid face? I've got loads of ideas for how to torture someone that I've never gotten to use. Shall we put them into a hat and you'll choose at random?"
Regina let out a wet laugh against Zelena's shoulder, shaking her head.
"No."
"Pity you've gone soft. I've always wanted to see how many hours someone can be strung up upside down before they go mad."
Regina squeezed Zelena's middle, sniffing away her tears.
"Thank you for the offer though."
"You must be frightened," Zelena said, in a rare moment of sincerity, "but you know you're not alone, Regina. No matter what that idiot decides, you do have family. Henry will not abandon you, and I certainly won't. And your little worm is lucky. I've already practised on mine, so yours won't suffer through auntie's mistakes like my poor poo-machine did."
Regina smiled at Zelena's words before going back to what she had opened with.
"I'm a little scared, but I'm hurt more than anything. I'm scared of doing this alone without her. I want her here," Regina admitted, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I love her."
"Why must you fall for an idiot?"
Regina chuckled.
"I've no idea."
Zelena continued rubbing Regina's back for a moment. This conversation was becoming entirely too emotional, but she put her unease aside in order to comfort her sister.
"Your idiot is far too noble to allow you to do this alone. She's had a rough start at life, just as you have, but she's had far less time to process her pain. You've let out those feelings in much too unhealthy ways, but still, you have in all your decades of life. But… she hasn't. She's too busy saving everyone else to take a minute to deal with her trauma. It's amazing what comes up once you realise you're about to become a parent. And she's spent so much time running, she hasn't been able to process what she's suffered through. Now, she's got an immense responsibility and terrible memories that haunt her. It's all probably come to the surface now that you've said that you're pregnant."
"You sound like you speak from experience."
"I am speaking from experience. I was so focused on revenge and plotting against the world and my feelings of jealousy. I was consumed by those emotions. And then when I got pregnant, when I really started to process that I was going to be responsible for this helpless creature, and then when it was born, well. I panicked. The only reason I didn't completely lose my head was because of Ping," Zelena said fondly. "Emma doesn't do well with emotions; it's why we get on. Or, we got on, rather. After this, well, we now have 'beef' as the young people say."
Regina snorted.
"I don't think they say-"
"Shh," Zelena interrupted, covering her mouth with her hand. "Hush, before you embarrass yourself. You're far too old to understand the young people of this world."
Regina rolled her eyes, finally pulling away from Zelena's hug.
"Thank you," she said sincerely. Zelena rarely did heart-to-hearts, but when she did, she did them well. "For comforting me."
"Any time. I still want to murder her though."
"I know."
"I won't though."
"You'd better not."
"She might receive scathing letters. From an anonymous author, of course. And in a funny picture language that she won't understand."
"Mulan won't translate your threatening letters for you. Don't bother asking."
Zelena gasped dramatically.
"How dare you accuse me of such heinous, illegal activities! I am insulted you would even insinuate I could be capable of such a deplorable act."
"You turned a man into a monkey because he cheated on you."
"He acted like an animal, so I turned him into one," Zelena said simply, taking another sip of her tea.
"Please don't turn Emma into a monkey," Regina said, a hint of laughter to her voice. "I'll take care of her."
Happy now that Regina seemed to no longer be so upset, Zelena was free to stop being the caring, supportive sister and return to the sarcastic, biting one she so enjoyed.
"Not as efficiently as I would now that you no longer murder those who have wronged you."
"It's a price you must pay when you have children."
Zelena's eye twitched.
"She goes on the adoption list tomorrow."
"You are not giving up my niece!"
"She's holding me back from my full potential."
"Yes. Thankfully. She's the reason you're not insane anymore."
"I take offense to that."
"Note that you didn't say it wasn't true though."
Zelena sipped her tea.
Charming pulled into the driveway, stopping behind an unfamiliar black jeep.
"Oh, shit. Zelena's here," Emma groaned. This wasn't going to be good.
I know you like her, but she's my sister and if you hurt her, I'll make what I did to Walsh look like child's play.
"What's with the look?"
"She kind of threatened me last time we were together."
"She threatened you?" David asked, alarmed, and a little protectively.
"Not like that. Well, yes, like that. But it was more like a warning. It doesn't matter, dad. Whatever she dishes out, I'll deserve it."
David frowned, but he followed Emma to the back of the vehicle and helped her unload the trunk. They headed to the front door, ringing the doorbell before opening the door and dragging their bags inside.
Regina's attention snapped in the direction of the front door when she heard it open, eyes murderous at the person who dared enter her home uninvited. She pushed herself up from the barstool upon which she'd been perched, storming to the entryway as she spoke angrily.
"Who in the world do you think you- Emma," Regina stopped in her tracks, the sight of the woman halting her halfway to the entrance of her house.
"Hey," Emma said, a hesitant smile on her lips. "Um, we went shopping."
Before she could answer, Zelena came flying around the corner (almost literally).
"You! I warned you!" Zelena raged, approaching Emma with a threatening finger. "I told you not to hurt her, and what do you do?! You bloody hurt her! I ought to ignore Regina's wishes and turn you inside out, starting with that stupid head of yours!"
Regina reached out and grabbed Zelena's arm at the same time as David stood in front of Emma. Regina yanked the redhead back, holding her firmly in place.
"You promised not to," Regina reminded her sister.
"I made no such promises," Zelena growled, still looking at Emma.
"Well, you assured me you wouldn't then."
"I've changed my mind now that I've seen her deceiving face."
"Zelena-"
"No," Emma said, interrupting. "She's right. I would deserve it. Worse, actually. Because I did hurt you. I was… a fucking asshole. And she should be ready to turn me inside out, because I was a shithead.
"I hurt you, when I promised myself I wouldn't. I needed time to process what you said to me, which is why I left last week, but I shouldn't have left giving the impression I wasn't coming back. I was. I was always going to come back. I just…" Emma gave a heavy sigh, shaking her head. This was humiliating, exposing, talking like this for everyone to hear when this was supposed to be a private conversation.
"I got scared. I got overwhelmed. And I said a lot of shit I shouldn't have said. That I really shouldn't have said. I reacted selfishly and I didn't stop to think about you or about anyone but myself and how scared I was about this. Which was a dick move, and Zelena has every right to want to kill me.
"I'm sorry I stayed away for so long, Regina. I just… needed time. To process. And I didn't want to come back to you until I was stronger, until I had figured some shit out. Until I was sure, and I could put my shit aside enough to hear what you had to say and to- to take what you had to give." Emma took a step forward, looking directly in Regina's eyes, ignoring the other two people in the room. "I'm sorry, Regina. I am so fucking sorry, for shutting you out. For leaving. For telling you that I wasn't happy about this. I shouldn't have blurted out everything I was thinking like that. I should have taken a minute to calm down and- and just thought for a second about you. And about how much you must be upset." Emma took another step closer tentatively reaching out and taking Regina's hand, both sets of eyes filled with tears as their gazes stayed locked together.
"You were terrified to tell me and that kills me, Regina," Emma said, the sob in her chest breaking free. "I scared you. I scared you, and I was supposed to be the one person who was always safe in your life. You were scared to tell me and I am so, so sorry that I did exactly what you feared. I'm sorry that I lashed out at you when you were so open and vulnerable and honest with me. I'm sorry that I let my fears and my insecurities and my- my impulsiveness just take hold of me." Emma bit hard on her lip as she tried desperately to control her weeping. "I'm sorry," she croaked.
Regina dropped her hand and looked hard at Emma, searching her eyes. She could see the hurt, the vulnerability, the pain, the regret, and the sincerity in them. She could see the very woman's soul, and it called out to her. She couldn't fight it, she couldn't turn away, because as much as Emma hurt her, she couldn't find it in herself to hurt her back by rejecting her, by pushing her away.
Regina was tired of hurting, tired of being on her own, tired of not having Emma with her. She was so tired. So she gave into her heart and she threw herself in Emma's arms, clinging to her desperately.
Zelena regarded the women, lifting her nose and refusing to admit there was any kind of tugging in her throat or moisture in her eyes.
"Well you lot are weak. I'm leaving."
Charming stepped out of the way as Zelena left, standing awkwardly, still holding the bags of gifts. He brought them to the kitchen, leaving the two women alone for a moment while he placed the bags on the counter.
"I'm sorry," Emma whispered through her tears, holding Regina tight. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I love you so much, Regina. I just… I'm sorry."
"We aren't finished this discussion, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry as well."
Emma refused to let go of her hold on Regina, keeping her close long after their tears had dried and their sniffles had stopped. She held her tight, keeping her close, her hands coming up to periodically stroke the brunette's back.
"We should join your father in the kitchen."
"Don't wanna."
"There are bribes in there for me. I'd like to open them."
"They're not bribes," Emma said seriously. "They're gifts. Because he's excited to be a grandfather again and- and I'm excited too."
"Are you?" Regina asked carefully, guardedly.
Emma pulled back, hand coming up to gently hold Regina's chin as she looked into her eyes.
"I love you, Regina Mills. And I'm terrified of taking this next step, but there's no one else I'd rather be terrified with than you."
Regina closed her eyes and nodded. She didn't know what to say, the knot in her throat too big to speak. So she stayed quiet, allowing herself one more minute to calm down before finally insisting they join her father in the kitchen.
"He's a little eager," Emma warned. "Bear with him."
Regina smiled.
"It's nice that he's excited."
When the women entered the room, David tried to stifle his smile. He was just so happy that Regina was pregnant, but he knew this was an emotional moment for them both. He took in their tear-stricken faces, nodding at them when he saw them. He went to the cupboards and opened a few before he found the glasses, then going to the automatic dispenser on the fridge and pouring them both tall glasses of water.
"Here. Drink this. You'll feel better."
The women thanked him and drank greedily, setting down their glasses and looking at him expectantly.
"Better?"
"Yes," Regina responded. "Thank you. What's all this now?"
"Presents. If you're ready for them?"
"I'm always ready for gifts."
"Good. We went out of town to go shopping. So, no one saw us," he said, smiling, grabbing the bag next to him and loosening the knot at the top. "We went out of town to make sure no one would know. This one is from me." He opened the bag, a metallic balloon immediately floating out of it and heading straight for the ceiling. Congratulations, was printed on it in bright colours, a small yellow duck beneath the word. He grinned widely, grabbing the string and handing it Regina. "And these," he added, pulling out fresh flowers. He approached the now quiet woman, kissing her cheek chastely. "Congratulations, Regina. I'm so happy for you both."
Regina's heart clenched at his sincerity, as well as the pride in his voice.
"This has to stay here until you're ready," David went on. "But when you say the word, I am sporting this proudly."
World's Proudest Grandpa (x2) was written in bold letters on the back, and on the front, David's own face was plastered in the middle, two thumbs pointing towards his chest. Regina couldn't help the chuckle that escaped, shaking her head.
"You're ridiculous," she said softly.
"Ridiculously proud," he finished, pulling her into a warm hug. "We talked," he said softly into her ear, "she's got a lot to say to you, and you to her. I know you can't forgive her just now, but don't shut each other out, okay?"
Tears sprang to Regina's eyes, her hands coming up and pressing into his back. She couldn't say anything, the knot in her throat preventing words from escaping. It seemed she was always on the verge of tears, regardless of the situation. One of the side effects of the pregnancy she supposed.
David ran a strong, soothing palm up her spine. Regina nodded against his firm shoulder, pulling back a minute later. He smiled at her before turning to his daughter, squeezing her bicep affectionately.
"Take care, ladies. We'll see each other soon."
David then left the kitchen, and when the door front door opened and then closed again, Regina glanced at Emma briefly before picking up the flowers. She felt awkward now that they were completely alone, knowing they still had so much to discuss and not sure how to begin the conversation.
"I guess I'll cut these," Regina said, releasing the balloon she'd been holding and walking over to the sink.
Emma could feel the discomfort in the room. She waited a moment, watching Regina cut the stems of her flowers before taking a deep breath and opening up.
"So, um, my dad and I… we talked. This morning." Regina wasn't looking at her, but Emma could tell she was listening, so she continued, slowly. "I don't know how to say all this. I'm not good at- at this.
"I said it earlier, but it- it needs to be said again. I'm sorry, Regina. I reacted horribly. Worse than horribly. I reacted in the worse fucking way possible. The worse way I could have. I didn't- I wasn't- I let myself be controlled by my emotions, like I always do. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I should have waited until I had processed my emotions. I shouldn't have freaked out like that at you. I was taken aback, I got overwhelmed, and I let that take over instead of taking a minute to process… So that I could tell you that I was scared, that I was worried, that I am scared and worried. I said those things because I'm terrified.
"The truth is… I didn't feel like I could do this. I still feel like I'm not… good enough or responsible enough or mature enough to raise this kid. I can barely take care of myself, and the idea of being responsible for something so important, for another life, it's terrifying.
"I'm sorry, so, so fucking sorry for blaming you, Regina. I shouldn't have. I was at fault for not asking you, for not checking to make sure I couldn't get you pregnant, for not wearing a condom or getting you birth control. I just assumed, from what you had told me, that you couldn't get pregnant and that was wrong. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have just assumed. That was my fault and I was incredibly wrong for putting all the fault on you."
Regina looked away, putting the flowers down as her heart beat wildly in her chest. Now that her hurt had been calmed, now that she'd heard Emma's apologies, the anger, the fear she'd felt, came bubbling to the surface.
"Please talk to me."
Regina whipped around, suddenly furious.
"You hurt me!" Regina blurted, eyes burning as she looked at Emma. "You were horrible, Emma. You were... Cruel and accusatory and completely unsupportive of me. You were so selfish. You- you nearly destroyed me. You didn't once consider how affected I was by this; you were too busy focusing on yourself and throwing blame at me.
"Yes, I should have told you that I could become pregnant. You are right and I'm at fault for that, and I'm sorry. But you shouldn't have assumed you couldn't get me pregnant, either. And it doesn't excuse you attacking me the way that you did! Heaven forbid I should make a mistake and get swept up in feeling happy and in love for the first time in decades. Decades, Emma. I was happy and enjoying your attention, and I let myself get swept up with those emotions. And that was a mistake.
"I'm not perfect." Regina let out a humourless laugh. "I'm the very furthest person from perfect. You picked the worst person in town if you wanted perfect (I did not, Emma protested). You did! I am always the bad guy. Always. And I understand why, after the choices I have made. But you… the one person who was always my ally, who always had my back. The one person who always defended me attacked me when I was at my most vulnerable. And with my life- with everything I've been through- I should have known that you would. Hell, I did know, Emma. And you know what? That was the worst part. I knew you were going to react the way the you did. It didn't matter that you claimed to love me (I do love you)- but it didn't matter, Emma! You thought only of yourself, and you ignored me completely.
"Do you know how terrified I was to talk to you, Emma?" Regina sputtered as she fought the sob in her chest. She wiped her at her cheeks as the tears flowed freely, taking big gulping breaths as she attempted to speak. "Do you know how scared I was to tell you the truth? Because I knew- I just knew you were going to hate me. That you were going to react badly. I felt it in my bones. And I was right. But not only did you take the news badly, as I expected, you blamed me, accused me, acted as though this were some kind of evil plot of mine, like I wasn't standing there before you just as terrified, just as confused. I needed you, Emma, and you pushed me away. Worse, you rejected me."
Regina's hands shook as she lost control of her emotions, bursting into tears in front of Emma. The women stood in the kitchen, both weeping, hearts in tatters, each standing broken in front of the other. Regina could barely stand for trembling, and Emma was biting so hard on her bottom lip it turned white.
"Now you're telling me you were scared?! What about me, Emma! I'm the one who is pregnant! I'm the one who should be scared! I'm fucking terrified and instead of thinking of what I'm going through, instead of asking me how I feel, instead of showing any kind of concern for my well-being, you thought of yourself and how your life was going to change. And then you imply that you're going to abandon me and this child-" Regina couldn't speak anymore, nearly bent in half with how hard she was sobbing. When Emma made a move to grab her, Regina ripped away. "Don't you dare touch me!"
Regina didn't want her comfort anymore, too confused with her anger. She turned and fought with everything that she had to control herself, taking deep breaths and wiping at her eyes, reaching with a shaky hand to drink a bit more of water. She continued her deep breaths, sniffling, wiping at her face until she'd calmed enough to speak again before turning around to face Emma.
"You abandoned me, Emma, when I needed you. And now you're here telling me you were scared. I'm sorry you were scared, Emma, but I was too. And you didn't see me running from my problems. It's called being an adult. When something scares you, you do not get to run. You stand and you face it. You take it on like a big girl. And if you're lucky, you have someone there to stand with you, to fight with you, to comfort you. So that you're not alone."
"I want to. It's why- it's why I'm here," Emma said softly.
"Just tell me what it is you want because I can't guess anymore, Emma. If you want to go, just do me a favour and leave and don't come back."
"I'm not going anywhere, Regina," Emma said firmly, taking a step forward. "It's you that I want. I want you. I want you and Henry and this baby and I'm scared out of my mind and I'm sure I'm gonna fuck up – a lot – along the way, just like I just did, but I'm not running. I'm not going anywhere. And if you'll forgive me, and if you help me, I can do this. We can do this. I will do this, I want to do this, as long as you're here with me.
"I'm sorry for freaking out. I'm sorry for running away. I'm sorry for getting scared and for letting that fear overwhelm me. I'm sorry for abandoning you. I'm sorry for hurting you and pushing you away and panicking the way that I did. I was scared, and I have no other excuse. I was scared and I reacted. Poorly. I'm still scared, but… but I'm here."
"Until you leave again. Until the next thing scares you."
"Nothing scares me more than this, Regina. Throw a dragon at me, a guy with a knife, an ogre or a demon, I'll face it. I'll face it every time. But this? A child, you, Henry? Regina, if I fuck up fighting a dragon, I'm the one who pays for it. I'll lose my life but I will die trying to protect the people around me. But this- this is something completely different. This is me responsible for another life. For caring for a helpless baby. I'm not- I'm not good enough for that. I can't do that. How can you look at me and think I'm at all fit to be a parent? I'm a high school drop-out, I went to juvie, I used to steal shit. I was homeless. What the fuck kind of parent am I gonna make? It terrifies me that I'm gonna fuck up my kid the way my foster parents fucked me up.
"But then… then I think, I have you," Emma said softly, eyes welling up with ears again, lip trembling. "I have you. This kid has you. And I won't be doing this alone. It's not just- it's not just me. This kid, it might have a chance as long as you're there. To make sure I'm not fucking up.
"You're the one- you're the smart one, the wise one, the one with all the answers. You make me feel less scared. You make me feel like… you make me feel like maybe I can do this. And I- I know I need help. I need," Emma swallowed hard, fighting her shame as she admitted, "I need therapy. I need to go back. I called, um, when we weren't talking. It's part of why I stayed away. I called my therapist and we talked. A lot. And we're going to do regular appointments again, so that I can stop being so controlled by my fear. Because I want to get better. For you. And for our baby. I want to be better."
"You didn't want this, Emma. You told me," Regina finally spoke, "you told me you didn't want this. You didn't want me."
"No, my love," Emma said softly, taking a step closer but not daring to touch her. "I said I wasn't sure I wanted this… and mostly that was coming from a place of fear. Because I wasn't sure I could do this. But, I spent a lot of time thinking. I spent a lot of time talking with my therapist. And I talked with my dad and they… they gave me a lot of advice. And I've been reading. We found some books so that it's a little less scary, so that I can read up and be a better partner to you. Support you better. Dr. Anderson promised to help me get through this anxiety. He said he'd show me how to be a better person for you.
"I'm sorry I made you feel like I never wanted you, Regina. I never, ever didn't want you. I will always want you, Regina. Always. I'm sorry if you thought otherwise. I just- I got really scared. And I made a very big mistake. And I said things I regret, that I wish I could take back."
"You aren't happy about this," Regina whispered, repeating the tail end of their last conversation.
"I wasn't sure that I was. I was feeling a lot of things at that moment, fear being the biggest thing. And that came out as doubt and anger and uncertainty. But after taking these last few days to think, and talking it out with my dad and Dr. Anderson, I've come to some realisations," Emma trailed off for a second, a smile suddenly forming on her lips. "I want this, Regina. I was scared at first, and that's why I said I didn't know if I did. Because I didn't know if I could do this, if I should, if I could ever be good enough. But I want you to know that I do want this, Regina.
"Yeah, it's a bit more sudden than I'd have liked, but there's nobody else I can picture doing this with than you. There's no one else I'd rather be expecting a kid with than you. We can do anything together, Regina. My dad… he made it pretty clear: you and I together- we can do anything. We've stopped unstoppable triggers together, we've created astronomical events together, we've travelled to other lands to get our kid back. We've been to hell and back, literally. You're my safe place, my rock, my touch stone. There's nothing we can't do together, Regina. I know that now. I'm sorry for losing sight of that.
"You make me feel like I can do anything, even something this important. And I'm sorry I'm an idiot and I'm sorry for reacting impulsively and not taking a minute to just calm the fuck down before I reacted. I shouldn't have done that. It's a flaw of mine, lashing out instead of calming myself down and taking a second. I know that's my own shit and I know it's because I needed to react now, think later in order to survive in the system. That's my baggage and my problems and I'm sorry you were affected by it. I- it's on the list of things Dr. Anderson's gonna help me with. And you can add to the list, whatever else you think I should work on.
"I wanna do better by you, Regina. I wanna do this with you. I will live the rest of my life regretting what I did. Forever. I will be ashamed forever. But I- if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you that I want this, that I can do this with you, that I will do this with you. That I can be worthy. That you won't regret giving me a second chance. Can you ever forgive me? Please?"
Regina looked into Emma's pleading eyes, tears still streaming down both of their cheeks. She knew Emma was being sincere, knew she was speaking from the heart, and that helped soothe the aching pain deep in her soul. She still hurt, would likely hurt for a while, but she could feel the honesty radiating through Emma. Could feel her conviction, as well as her remorse. Regina saw no doubt in Emma's eyes; she saw only sincerity. And the fact that Emma, who hated therapy, who hated discussing her past, who hated admitting that she was still affected by what she'd gone through as a child had willingly, on her own, returned to her therapist, had set up appointments to talk with him… it spoke to Regina. It helped, knowing that her lover was trying to be better. Was actively trying to do better rather than just spewing out empty words at her.
Emma licked her lips, looking nervously at Regina. She wasn't convinced the woman would forgive her. Hell, she wouldn't blame her if she never did. But she hoped and prayed that she would.
"Please tell me I haven't ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me," Emma begged.
"You haven't-" Regina started, but immediately cut off by Emma yanking her into her arms. Regina went willingly, wrapping her arms around Emma's neck and holding her as the woman openly wept in her neck.
"Don't you ever do that to me again," Regina warned, speaking firmly in Emma's ear. Her tone was serious, but not unkind. "Don't you ever blame me or accuse me the way that you did the other day. That was unfair, Emma, and worse than that, it hurt me more deeply than I can ever express."
Emma was hit hard by a wave of guilt, squeezing Regina tighter as she nodded and sobbed more intensely.
"I know," she choked out, swallowing hard against the knot in her throat. "I'm sorry, Regina. I promise you, I won't ever be that stupid."
"You had better not."
"I won't."
Appeased, Regina quieted for a moment, the women holding one another as they attempted to mend their wounded hearts.
"I needed you," Regina admitted, voice trembling as she opened up. She wanted Emma to know, wanted her to truly feel how badly she had hurt her. More than that, she wanted Emma to fix it, wanted Emma to comfort her. "I needed you and you left me. Do you know how much I cried? How I wept and ached, Emma? I spent three days in bed doing nothing but sobbing into my pillow. And you weren't there. You weren't there."
Regina's voice cracked and she cried all over again, shaking in Emma's arms as her knees weakened from the pain that consumed her. She squeezed back when Emma squeezed her body close, holding her tightly.
"I'm so sorry," Emma choked out, holding onto Regina for dear life. "I am so, so sorry."
"I hate you for hurting me like that. I swore- I swore no one ever would again."
Emma could do nothing but apologise over and over again into Regina's neck, holding her so tight she was sure she was restricting her breathing. But she wanted to smother Regina, wanted to hold her so tight the woman wouldn't doubt for a second that Emma was not letting go.
They stayed like that for what felt like ages, until Regina went through the ups and downs of her emotions, until she had cried herself out, closing her eyes and waiting as her throat calmed, her nose cleared, and her tears dried. She felt a weight lift off of her shoulders when she opened her eyes, simply drawing from Emma's strength as the woman held her in her embrace. Emma held her quietly, calmly, patiently. Regina didn't forgive her. She likely wouldn't for a while, but she did feel better, good enough that when her eyes wandered over onto the counter and she noticed that she still hadn't opened the rest of her gifts, she was able to manage a small smile.
"I didn't get to open your bribe," Regina said, pointing her chin in the direction of the black bag on her counter.
"It's not a bribe. I told you that," Emma reassured softly, stroking her back. "It's a present. Things I thought you'd like, and things my dad said we'd need."
Emma reached over and pulled the gift bag close, shifting them so it was within Regina's grasp.
"Open it," she encouraged.
Regina reached over and eyed the bag curiously before disentangling herself from Emma's embrace. She peered into it, pulling out the tissue paper and smiling at the first thing she spotted. Books. She pulled them out and smirked at the titles.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting. The Pregnancy Countdown Book. The Expectant Father. Really?"
Emma shrugged, resting her chin on Regina's shoulder.
"Dad said it was really good and provided a lot of information. I think I need it, 'cause not knowing what to expect has me freaked out. I read the first two chapters already on the way back to Storybrooke."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," Emma said, resting her hands on Regina's hips. "Check out what else there is."
Regina set the books down and reached inside, pulling out a pill bottle.
"Pre-natal vitamins."
Emma nodded.
"Yeah, should have started those before you got pregnant, technically. According to what I read. But starting now is good too. It's still early."
Regina set the bottle down, wishing she had thought to start those days ago, when she had first learnt she was pregnant. She had been too distracted however, and was grateful that Emma (or her father, rather) had thought to buy them for her. She popped the bottle open and took one right away, hearing a chuckle from over her shoulder.
"Not wasting any time, huh?"
"I've wasted enough time. I should have started last week when I first found out I was pregnant."
"That was my fault," Emma said, troubled by the guilt in Regina's voice. "Had I not been a fucking asshole, you wouldn't have been so distracted and you'd have thought to buy some. I'm sorry, Regina."
Regina nodded, resting her head back on Emma's collarbone for a second.
"Don't do it again."
"I won't."
"Good."
Emma nuzzled her neck, placing a soft kiss there, arms coming to slide around Regina's waist. She held her close, both women closing their eyes as they simply enjoyed holding one another.
"There's more."
"Hmm," Regina responded. "I'm happy here for another minute."
Emma smiled, kissing her cheek and nodding. She held her close, breathing in the familiar scent of the older woman, wondering if maybe she'd smell differently as her pregnancy progressed.
Regina reached out after another minute of cuddling and pulled out a tub of cream.
"Bun in the Oven Skincare," Regina read, laughing softly. "What in the world?"
Emma chuckled.
"Dad said it was a life saver for mom. Apparently your stomach is gonna get really itchy in later months."
"Hmm. I had heard."
"Are you dreading it? The later months?"
"I honestly haven't thought much about them. I've been a bit consumed by the present."
Emma nodded. Something else that was her fault. She kissed Regina's shoulder in apology, watching as Regina put down the tub of cream and fished the next items: onesies.
"My mommies love me. This is adorable," Regina cooed, smiling at the hearts that adorned the onesie. She then flipped to the next one, laughing loudly. "If mom says no, ask ma. Ma will say no as well if she knows what's good for her."
Emma smiled into Regina's shoulder as the brunette pulled out the last item: a t-shirt.
"Spoiler Alert: I'm Pregnant."
Regina chuckled.
"I'm thinking maybe we can use this when we tell my mom. Or Henry. Or both."
Emma slipped away, casually lifting her sweater.
"I got my own."
"Baby Daddy. Emma!" Regina exclaimed, scandalised.
Emma laughed, looking down at the two hands on the shirt, thumbs pointed towards her chest.
"Love it."
"You are incorrigible."
Emma looked up, grinning.
"Yep. You know, Henry's only got 3 more years 'til he's 18 and you would have been free. Now," Emma said, sucking in a breath of air through her teeth as she pulled Regina close, bumping their hips together, "you're stuck with me for another 18 years. Think you can handle that?"
"If I haven't murdered you thus far…"
Emma cackled, resting her forehead against Regina's.
"I would have deserved it this week," she said it a little more seriously.
"Yes, you would have."
Emma wrapped her arms around Regina's shoulders, holding her tight.
"I'm gonna make it up to you."
"You can make it up to me by never doing that again."
Emma nodded.
"Promise." She snuggled Regina's hair, burying her nose in the fruity smelling locks. "When do you think we should tell Henry?"
"Not yet. Just… in case."
Emma understood the unspoken words. In case something happened.
"After the first trimester then?"
"No, not quite so late. I was thinking in another few weeks, once I hit eight weeks. It should be safe to tell him then."
"Okay. Do you know how you want to tell him?"
"No. I haven't thought about it."
"We can worry about that later then. For now… would you come sit with me?"
Regina pulled away, looking at her with apprehension.
"Why?" she asked, a little worried. What else could Emma possibly have to throw at her? She wasn't sure she could handle any more bad news.
"I've… missed you. And I just want to hold you, to reconnect."
Regina smiled softly. Oh. That would be nice.
"Very well."
Emma led the way to the living room, lying on her back on the couch and opening her arms.
"Lie on me."
"On you?" Regina asked skeptically.
"Yeah. So I can feel you. All of you. And so I can rub your back and your sides. I like feeling the weight of you on me."
Regina raised an eyebrow, but did as requested. She draped herself along Emma's body, head resting beneath her chin and arms tucking under Emma's sides. They both sighed, content to cuddle as Emma rubbed up and down Regina's back.
"Soon we won't be able to do this. We'll crush the baby."
Regina snorted into Emma's shirt, shaking her head.
"More like the baby will crush you. She's well protected in there."
"She?" Emma asked excitedly.
"Or he."
"He," Emma repeated, smiling widely. "Do you have a preference?"
"I don't mind, as long as the baby is healthy. And if it's not, I'll love it just the same. Do you have a preference?"
Emma shrugged.
"We already have a son, so a daughter might be nice, especially if she looks like you. But, I'd be happy to have another son as cool as Henry. I guess it doesn't really matter. In the end, I'll still be fucking terrified of it."
Regina smiled softly, squeezing Emma's middle.
"Tell me about what scares you."
"Everything. Fucking it up. Dropping it. Overfeeding it or making the bottle wrong and the kid gets sick. Making it cry for hours and hours because I don't know what the hell it wants. Being a shitty mom. A shitty role model. I have no idea what I'm doing and it stresses me out when I think about it."
Regina smiled against Emma's sternum, turning her head to place a gentle kiss on her chin.
"By worrying as much as you are means you're going to be a good mother. It means that you care. All this baby needs from you is love, attention, and affection. I'll be here to help you with the rest."
"Yeah, but that isn't fair to you. I don't want you to be doing everything while I'm wondering which side is the front on a diaper. You're growing the thing and pushing it out. I should be doing everything else while you recover."
"First of all, that "thing" is our child," Regina reprimanded, though she was smiling, "and it can hear you. Secondly, you are eager, Emma. And you're intelligent. You'll learn."
"I feel like I should already know all this stuff."
"How would you? You've never raised a child."
"I know," Emma muttered. "But still."
"Still nothing. You'll figure it out as you go along, just as I did. Besides, I will be quite rusty. I haven't cared for a baby in fifteen years."
Emma smiled, hand drifting up to play with Regina's hair.
"You're gonna be perfect. You're great with kids. This kid is lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you." Emma kissed Regina's head, cupping the back of her head. "I'm sorry about freaking out, baby. But there is no one I would rather be doing this with than you. There's no one else I'd pick to have kids with than you. I'm terrified still, but I'm also… kinda excited to do this with you. You're sexy when you go all supermom."
Regina rolled her eyes.
"I won't be so sexy once this child starts to grow."
"Bullshit. You're gonna be way sexier once you start showing. I can't wait to see your baby belly."
Regina sighed softly, closing her eyes, content to enjoy Emma's gentle attention now that they'd finally talked. Regina was still a little worried, a little apprehensive, but she had to admit, lying here in Emma's arms, basking in her attention… there was nothing in the world that was better than this.
A/N: So the lovely, brilliant ALostWanderer showed me how to create a poll. Since it's still early on, I thought I'd create a poll to let you all choose what you'd like Regina to have. The poll is on my profile page if you'd like to vote.