previously: both sasuke and naruto were trying to do better. all was going (somewhat) well. then naruto overheard the kids having an interesting argument.

also: before anyone gets confused, there's a difference between ba-san and baa-san. ba-san is what you'd call your aunt (or any older woman) and baa-san is what you'd call your grandma (or any elderly woman). so when boruto calls Sakura 'Sakura-ba-san', he's calling her aunty Sakura.

a broken picture

Landing on the front porch of his house, Naruto swung open the door, hoping—there.

"Hinata!" He rushed over and hugged her from behind.

"N-Naruto-kun? Wha—"

"Hinata." Burying his nose into the crook of her neck, he pulled her into him. "Hinata."

She smelled like home.

Hinata turned around and put her hand on his arm. "You're shaking."

Cupping her cheek, Naruto gazed at her. Gazed at her gentle eyes, like pearls, the dark hair flowing down the sides of her face like silky curtains, contrasting beautifully with her pale face, making it seem like she was glowing. His eyes fell on her peachy lips, adding color to her otherwise unearthly visage. He leaned forward, kissing them.

They were just as soft, just as sweet as ever.

"I love you, Hinata."

Though she looked worried, Hinata smiled, her eyes softening. "I love you, too, Naruto-kun."

He engulfed her lips once again, kissing her deeply. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he repeated between kisses. She was his wife, who loved him back with all her heart. Who gave him everything and was everything to him. Running his hands down the side of her curvy body, he hoisted her up onto the kitchen counter.

"N-Naruto—"

Cupping the nape of her neck, he kissed her again. He moved to her jaw, her neck, relishing in her sounds, her sighs—

"Naru-to—wait!"

Naruto pulled away. Her face, so flushed, pale pink spread across her cheeks, adding life to her otherwise pale features, made something deep within him stir. She'd always been soft, gentle, loving. She was his wife. How lucky was he to have someone like her, someone so kind, someone who noticed him before he was anything or anyone, when everyone else hated him.

Except, well, Sas—no.

Naruto moved to kiss her again, but she pressed her hand against his chest, stopping him from getting any closer.

"Wait, Naruto-kun. We should—"

The front door swung open before Hinata could say anything more. Boruto came running in.

"MOOOOMMMM, guess what, guess what? I—" Boruto skidded to a halt when he caught sight of Naruto and Hinata in the kitchen.

"Oh no." Hinata burrowed into Naruto's chest.

Naruto finally came to his senses, jolting as though he'd been violently awoken. "H-Hey, Boruto. What's up?"

Boruto paled and took a step back. And then another.

"B-Boruto—wait—"

Boruto whirled around and ran, slamming the front door shut behind him.

After saying goodbye to Boruto, Sarada continued on her way home, her mind spinning from their earlier conversation. Not long after she heard a thunder of footsteps behind her. She whirled around, ready to block—

She lowered her arms when she recognized who it was that was barreling towards her.

"Boruto?"

"I—er—forgot to pick my sis up from school. Yeah."

"Uhuh." Sarada regarded his pale face, his blue eyes are wide and panicked. "Is that why you look like you just walked in on your parents doing the nasty?"

Sarada had only been joking, given Boruto's mood earlier, but the way he flinched made her think twice. "No way." She glanced at his house, but her mind threatened to bring forth unwanted images and she quickly looked back at Boruto. "Don't tell me—"

Boruto grabbed her hand and started running.

"Wait—Boru—"

Sarada had no choice but to run after him, her hand tightly held in his as it was. They were on top of the Hokage mountain when Boruto finally stopped.

"Mind—telling me what—that was about?" Sarada asked between puffs of breath.

"I—I just had—to get away," Boruto said, also panting.

"So—you had to—drag me into it?"

"Aaggh!" Boruto scratched his head aggressively. "I dunno!"

"So…uh…" Sarada cocked her head, wondering if the red in his face was a result of what he saw or of exertion. "Earlier today you were happy that you saw them kissing. What changed?"

"Cos! Last time they thought we were asleep, ya'know! THIS TIME—" Boruto turned a shade of red Sarada wondered was healthy. "Th-They were in the kitchen, ya'know! In broad daylight!" Boruto flailed his arms, his voice growing higher with each syllable. "Like they were ASKING to be caught, ya'know! The KIT-CHEN! Where Mom makes all the food, ya'know!"

Sarada shuddered.

"YEAH!" Boruto gestured wildly. "MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!"

At the same time, though, no matter how gross it sounded, Sarada couldn't help but feel curious. She wondered what it must feel like, to have parents who loved each other like that. "Um, but…what…exactly…did you see?"

Boruto stared at her. "I did not see anything. I just saw Mom sitting on the counter and Dad was—was—"

He turned green. Sarada also felt close to nauseated and she tried to erase the picture Boruto had painted. She decided that maybe some things were best left unknown.

"Gah!" Boruto dropped down to the ground, sitting cross-legged with his arms folded. "What the hell is wrong with my parents?" He bounced his leg. "How am I supposed to know when it's safe to get back home, HUH? And what about my SISTER, HUH?"

"Well, at least they're…um…" Sarada turned a little pink as she searched for the right word that was not—that. "…getting along. My parents on the other hand…"

Sarada had never caught her parents…doing anything. Much less making out.

True, given how her father had been absent for all these years, it made sense. But even now that Papa was home more often, she'd still never caught her parents even once. Not even a fond peck on the lips she'd often see the Hokage share with his wife.

Sarada was far from being a pervert. It wasn't as if she wanted to see her parents making out—ew—she didn't really think she could stomach that. What she really wanted was to catch a glimpse of some evidence that her parents loved each other. It didn't have to be much, she just…

She just wanted to feel whole. Like she was a part of something. A family.

Back when she was younger, when she was still at school, back when Naruto-san wasn't Hokage yet, she often used to accompany Boruto to his home after school. Sometimes her mother would have to pick up late night shifts at the hospital, so Sarada would end up spending the night at Boruto's place. As much as she loved her mother, she used to look forward to those evenings, when Naruto-san would come back home and treat her like he'd treat Boruto and Himawari, like his own daughter, and she would wonder if that was what having a father was like. She'd watch Naruto-san go up to Hinata-san, hug her and kiss her, his eyes warm and loving, and Boruto would make gagging faces, but Sarada didn't really find that gross, not really. What she would notice was the way Hinata-san would brighten up, smile more, when Naruto-san was home, and Sarada would wonder if her own mother might smile like all her worries were lifted away if her own father was home.

Being around Boruto's family was fulfilling—a brief period in which she could pretend she was part of a whole family, if only for a moment—but it also brought to the forefront a dull ache that had always been there in the background. An ache that would be soothed by Naruto, but would make itself apparent the moment she got back to her own home and spied her mother sitting on their big couch, staring wistfully at those photographs, or rereading an old letter.

As much as Mama might have tried to hide it around Sarada, she still noticed it. She could still feel a sense of…weary sadness hovering in the house. Sarada tried to make her mother feel better, she really did. But she knew that there was only so much she could do as a daughter. She knew her mother needed someone who'd care for her, who'd understand her, who'd love her not as a daughter would, but as a spouse would, a husband. A role only Papa could fill. A role that'd been left empty for as long as Sarada could remember. A void Sarada would be made painfully aware of whenever she was with Boruto's family.

She hoped now that her father was around more often, her mother wouldn't look so lonely. Sarada hoped that her own ache might be soothed, that she might get to feel the same sort of…wholeness she'd feel whenever she was at Boruto's place.

Mama certainly seemed happier. Or, at the very least, less sad. Papa, on the other hand, always seemed…tired. And, instead of feeling whole like Sarada thought she would, she found herself feeling for Papa. Her mama and papa were finally together, but somehow the ache grew bigger instead of smaller.

Of course, she didn't expect her papa to be exactly like Naruto-san, she'd always heard how they were like polar opposites, but still, she'd hoped that around his family, at least, her papa would be a bit less guarded, a bit more comfortable.

Even around his own wife, Papa seemed like he was putting on a front. As if he was trying to be something more than he was, and it was tiring him.

Sarada only noticed it because he was noticeably different around her. Though, even around her, Sarada sensed a little hesitation, an uncertainty she attributed to him still getting used to her, getting to know her, which Sarada didn't mind. At least he was trying.

But the one person she noticed her Papa letting his guard down completely around?

Naruto-san.

Sarada had assumed that, unlike friendship, a romantic relationship was different. She couldn't expect a couple who'd spent the better part of their relationship apart would be at ease around each other the very moment they were reunited.

That was, until Mitsuki and Boruto brought up the ridiculous notion that her father might actually have feelings for Naruto-san, instead.

At least, she thought it was ridiculous before she really started considering everything Boruto mentioned.

It did occur to her that her papa seemed so much more informal around the Hokage than he was with his own wife. With Mama he was more respectful, and while that was an odd comparison, it still spoke to a sort of distance that Papa didn't seem to have with Naruto-san.

"Well," Boruto was saying, "At least I know for sure my dad is not interested in Sasuke-san in…uh…that way. Sasuke-san, on the other hand—"

Sarada glared at Boruto, wondering if he'd ever learn to be at least a bit sensitive.

"Sorry," he said weakly.

Sarada made a face, but she couldn't really blame him when she was thinking along the same lines. She let out a long breath. "Not that long ago even I thought Mama and Papa were not actually a couple and that Mama wasn't my real mother."

"Oh yeah. What made you think that?"

"Well, um." Sarada kicked at a pebble under her feet. "It was just all the secrecy, and me never having seen Papa before, and Mama not really being open about him."

"But…uh…Sakura-ba-san is your mom, right?"

"Yeah. But…everything else…I dunno. Like, there aren't even pictures of them together, apart from their wedding photo. And the only family picture we have was taken less than a year ago. And that was because I wanted one."

And that made Sarada wonder. Had her parents always been so…distant with each other? Was she…simply an accident? Were her parents forced to marry because of her? If so, did she just force her papa into a date he didn't want to go on? Was that why things felt even more strained between her parents these days?

Sarada bit her lips. What have I done?

"But wasn't Sasuke-san always on missions?" Boruto pointed out. "He didn't have chances to visit, let alone take pictures, ya'know."

"But it's not just that. Mama and Papa feel more like…friends…than a couple. It's just…weird. I had to literally ask him to go on a date with Mama. And instead of just doing that, he asked you about it? And what you said—Papa is always praising the Seventh. And…" Sarada hugged herself. The more she thought about it, the more the pieces just fit. The way they'd banter and insult each other even though it was obvious they never meant it. They always seemed to be speaking in a language no one else but they understood. They always seemed to be on the same wavelength even if they weren't speaking. "I've…always just felt like that there was something…different…about our dads' friendship."

Boruto jumped. "Whoaa, there. Remember me freaking out literally seconds ago about catching my parents—y-ya'know? I caught them twice! IN THE SAME WEEK! There's no way my dad's—ya'know!"

Sarada wondered if it was disappointment that she felt at that statement. Her shoulders slumped.

Not one to make the same mistake twice, Naruto took Hinata upstairs to their bedroom. But before he could go back to kissing her, Hinata stopped him once again.

"Let's talk, first, Naruto-kun. Something's wrong."

"Something's…wrong?"

"Yes." Hinata peered into Naruto's eyes as if she was searching for something. He looked away, afraid of what she might find. "You seem…desperate." She moved around to face him, giving him no choice but to meet her eyes. "What's wrong?"

She cared so much for him.

He hugged her, burying his face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in. "I love you. You know that right? I love you."

Hinata was the family he never had growing up. Family he could come back to after a long weary day at work, who made his house feel warm and full of light—like home.

"I know." Hinata wrapped her arms around him, slowly. "I love you, too, Naruto."

Naruto froze.

Love.

What did that mean?

What the hell did Sasuke mean?

You feel so much for the person you love they might as well be a part of you.

They're your whole world.

They're what gives you strength.

When you're with them, everything feels right. Everything feels possible.

Only one person had come to mind when Sasuke was saying all those—things. And it wasn't Hinata.

"Naruto—y-you're—too tight—"

Naruto loosened his hold on her, alarmed. "S-Sorry—"

"It's okay—" Hinata put a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched. She withdrew her hand as though burned.

"I—I'm sorry." Naruto cursed himself. "I didn't mean to—I—"

"Hey, it's okay." Hinata moved to touch him reassuringly but withdrew her hand at the last second. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Hinata, what do you feel for me?"

Hinata's forehead creased. "What do you mean? I love you."

Again, that word. That word seemed to mean so much, a word Naruto never really stopped to think about too deeply before today. It had seemed simple to him before. Before, love simply meant company, bonds. Not being alone.

Naruto suddenly sat up straight, feeling his heart drop into his stomach.

"…to-kun?"

Did he really marry Hinata to not be alone? Was that all his love for her was? Just another bond? Another bond with the added assurance that he would always have someone for the rest of his life? That he would never be alone?

Horror froze him still.

It couldn't be. She was his partner in life. They went through ups and downs together, through the birth of the first child, their second child, through their first words, their first steps, through tantrums and sicknesses and first days of school, through miscarriages—

His throat clenched. They went through painful times together and still came out strong. Through his absences and stupidity—she still loved him.

"Naruto, please—"

He clutched Hinata's hands and searched her widened eyes. "How do you love me? What do you mean by—love?"

He knew he was scaring her. But he needed to know. He needed to know he didn't just make a huge mistake—

He shut his eyes. Not now. Not now.

Naruto opened his eyes when he felt a small hand cup his cheek.

Hinata's forehead was still lined with worry as she looked at Naruto. She seemed to be bursting with questions, but she obliged him. As she always did. "I just…I love you." She brushed her thumb across his skin, her forehead relaxing as she gazed at him. "I've always admired you. You've always been my strength and inspiration."

Strength.

Inspiration.

Naruto had always admired Sasuke. Sasuke was the one who pushed him beyond his very limits and made him strong, the one who was always on his mind so he could surpass him and achieve his dreams. Sasuke had been his dream once upon a time.

More than that, more than anything, Sasuke, who was one of his very first bonds, was the one who made him into who he was today.

But did that have to mean that Naruto…loved…him?

Naruto's chest constricted, and he quickly shoved that thought away.

He also admired Hinata. He'd always admired her perseverance. Her steadfast love for him. For such a small person, she had more guts than anyone he knew, throwing herself at things even when she knew she might not win. He'd always admired that about her, ever since he witnessed her fight with Neji, all those years ago. She was soft, gentle, but hardy when she needed to be.

An iron fist in a velvet glove, as they say.

Gentle fist.

He'd always loved that about her. The way her grace belied her very real, very frightening strength.

Loved.

Or admired?

Naruto held his head and rubbed it. "How…how did you know that you loved me, and not simply…admired me?"

Hinata lowered her gaze, her forehead wrinkling again. As each second passed, Naruto was finding the simple act of breathing steadily more difficult.

It didn't become any easier even when Hinata eventually answered. "I…can't answer that. It's something you just…know. It's a complicated feeling, you know." She tilted her head and finally voiced what Naruto felt she was trying to ask all along, something Naruto realized he didn't want her to ask.

But ask, she did. "What's all this about?"

Naruto's throat closed.

His lack of an answer only made Hinata lean closer. She squeezed his hands. "You know you can talk to me, Naruto-kun. Did something happen?"

He leaned away, his heart in his throat. No, this wasn't something he can talk to Hinata about.

Hey Hinata, I think I might feel something more for Sasuke than I actually thought.

Naruto suddenly clutched his chest, clawing at it, feeling as if someone was squeezing the life out of him.

What was happening to him?

"I—need to go." He didn't know where, he just needed to leave, be alone.

Get away.

"Naru—wait—!"

Naruto didn't wait.

Notes: maybe you've noticed that this chapter is early! if you have, yay, cookies for ya! if not, it doesn't really change anything. just wanted to let you all know that i kinda have the whole plot down and i feel confident about where this is going, so i'll be updating on a twice monthly schedule unless life happens.