Author's note: I finally got myself a beta! It's the amazing Shira_Taka from over at ao3! Not sure if they have an account here, but either way, check them out, I love their fics!

a moment of honesty

The third time Sasuke felt those lips against his felt vastly different from the first two times he did. For one, the first two times could hardly be called a kiss. It was nothing more than a gnashing of gums, a clacking of teeth. Nothing more than an accident.

But the third time also felt familiar. Familiar in the way that Sasuke wanted to feel those lips again, and again. In the way he felt those lips pulling him in, taking his entire being into them.

Naruto tasted like the first drink of water to a parched mouth, as if Sasuke had been deprived of the life-giving liquid for as long as he could remember. It left him weak-kneed with desperation, and he wanted to keep drinking him in as if it might be the last time he'd ever get to satisfy his thirst. Sasuke found himself deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue in, pressing his body against—

Sasuke wrenched himself away, breathless, unable to believe what he'd just done. He wasn't sure what exactly led him to kiss those damnable lips. He just knew that those lips, and the person they belonged to, had been driving him up the wall for the past few weeks.

Sasuke scoffed internally. Who was he trying to kid? Naruto had been driving him nuts since the day they met.

Recently, however, it felt as though Naruto was making it his very goal to get under Sasuke's skin.

It wasn't the mission. Indeed, that was going quite smoothly, much to Sasuke's surprise. In the short time they were there, they were able to figure out that a certain organization had made the Village of Dew its base. They were close to zeroing in on the location of the base, too. Naruto's shadow clones proved immensely useful to this day.

However, as much as Naruto's clones may have sped the process, Naruto himself was another story.

Naruto had started this mission with an odd sort of optimism in his eyes. He looked as thought he was taking his first breath of fresh air after years of being locked inside. There was a brightness in those blues that Sasuke realized he had sorely missed. Naruto looked like he had years shaved off him. Of course, his feminine disguise may have helped with that, but it felt more than that. It was in the twinkle in his blue eyes, the ever-present curve in his full lips, the bounce in his steps.

Sasuke couldn't take his eyes off him.

Eventually, though, that brightness started to fade. Naruto became more withdrawn, quieter. Often, he'd catch Naruto staring at him as if he was bursting to say something. Other times, Naruto would be so deep in thought, Sasuke had to call him more times than was necessary to get his attention. Sasuke would often find Naruto wandering the streets with a lost look on his face, his gaze distant, unseeing.

Sasuke knew Naruto was thinking about his family, about his feelings for Hinata. The way Naruto looked like he was backed into a corner with no escape made Sasuke's heart ache with the need to help, but he didn't know what he could do.

It didn't necessarily hinder the mission. Naruto was easily able to hide it when he had to. He tried to hide it from Sasuke, too, even when Sasuke called him out on it. Sasuke was beginning to get tired of watching Naruto put on a show, pretend like everything was fine when they both knew it wasn't.

It hurt, too.

Wasn't Sasuke supposed to be his—best friend? If Naruto was going to force Sasuke into the role of best friend, the least he could have done is act the part. But no, Naruto wouldn't even talk to Sasuke, even though they were supposedly—best friends.

Still, Sasuke hoped maybe time would loosen Naruto up, if nothing else. But, in the end, it seemed to do the opposite. Sasuke could feel Naruto growing more tense by the day, the silence between them growing ever more strained, until one day Sasuke decided to just rip the bandage open.

So, after Sasuke did his morning rounds, he picked up their lunch and went straight to the inn they shared.

Only to find himself in a strange situation.

Naruto was napping, muttering in his sleep.

That in and of itself wasn't entirely strange. Naruto had been out the previous night trying to gather information from the one bar in the village and had crashed the moment he returned, early in the morning. And Naruto did tend to mutter in his sleep, even back when they were genin. It had ticked both Sasuke and Sakura off back then, but at some point, they'd both gotten used to it. It also helped that Kakashi had brought them ear plugs.

What was strange was what Naruto was saying.

"Sas…"

Curious, Sasuke took a seat on his own bed and watched him.

"Sasuke…" Naruto's voice, thick with sleep, uttered his name with a softness that gave Sasuke goosebumps. He barely had time to recover before Naruto shifted in his sleep and turned, facing him.

Sasuke's breath caught.

Even asleep, Naruto was—expressive.

Sasuke had assumed maybe Naruto was dreaming about something trivial, maybe of them in a mission. But what dream about a mission would have Naruto look so—

Pained?

Was Sasuke dying in his dream?

It was starting to look like that was the case because Naruto started tearing up. "Sas-ke."

Even asleep, there was so much sorrow packed into the name that it brought a lump to Sasuke's throat. He stood up, deciding to wake him, when Naruto said something else that had Sasuke rooted to the spot.

"I…love you."

Time seemed to crawl to a stop.

It couldn't be. It—

No.

"Sasuke…"

Sasuke stiffened and looked back, afraid that he'd woken him—

No. Naruto was still sleeping.

Maybe Hinata was in his dream, too. Sasuke was dying, or seriously hurt, or something, and Hinata was there comforting Naruto, and that was who Naruto was talking to.

It was a convoluted explanation, but Sasuke was able to take some comfort in it. It was easier to believe than—

Naruto mumbled and, against all reason, Sasuke found himself drawing closer to try and make out the words, ignoring the sting in his chest.

"Sas…"

The longing in Naruto's expression tugged at Sasuke, and he wanted to give Naruto everything he had, anything to erase that expression that pulled Naruto's features in all the wrong directions.

"I love…"

Naruto once again shifted in his sleep, turning his back to Sasuke.

"…you."

Eventually, Naruto's dream seemed to shift into something else, as he started muttering about ramen.

Sasuke didn't know how long he had stood there, wondering whether he'd just imagined the whole thing or not. Maybe Naruto was dreaming about having ramen together, and that was what Naruto was professing his love for so expressively. It wouldn't be the first time, in dreams and in reality.

Afterwards, though, it didn't take long for Sasuke to put all the pieces together. Since then, he started really studying Naruto. The way Naruto would watch him when he thought Sasuke wasn't looking. The way he would flinch if Sasuke got too close to him. He'd begun to recognize what that look Naruto would sometimes give him meant.

It was the look of someone who was waiting for something he knew would never come to pass. The look of someone who'd—

Given up.

A look that didn't belong on Naruto.

It was no mistake that Sasuke's bathrobe was tied as loosely as it was when he'd come out of the shower tonight. He'd watched Naruto carefully when he stepped out of the bathroom.

All while a part of him screamed at himself to stop, stop, stop, STOP, before he did something stupid.

But it was that same look Naruto had given him—again—that made Sasuke ignore that part of himself.

Which brought them to that moment in the bathroom, where Sasuke forced himself to let go of those soft lips. Forced himself to take a step back, stop his lips from twitching when he saw those widened eyes, face frozen in shock. Naruto glanced briefly at Sasuke's lips and swallowed. The blues of his eyes darkened.

It was the final piece of evidence Sasuke needed.

Still, it could simply be lust on Naruto's part. Not love. And even if it was love, there was no way anything could change. But…

But.

If Naruto wanted Sasuke, then Sasuke wanted to give himself to him, especially if it might erase that look that always rubbed Sasuke the wrong way. That hollow look instead of the life those blue eyes usually held felt downright wrong, as if the sun had simply decided not to rise for a day, or two, and Sasuke was not going to let that happen. The world—no, Sasuke needed that sun to shine, no matter what.

Naruto licked his lips, as if to taste a remnant of Sasuke. It awakened a part of Sasuke that urged him to close the distance between them again, taste those lips again, suck on that tongue, an animalistic part of him that seemed to be howling with need, a part of himself Sasuke didn't even know he'd possessed until that very moment.

Sasuke stepped forward carefully, holding that animal under tight restraints.

Naruto seemed to want to meld into the tiled wall behind him with the way he was pressing himself against it. His eyes glanced down at the small bit of space between them.

Sasuke followed his gaze.

And spotted a bulge under the towel Naruto had wrapped around his waist.

"Ah," Sasuke said.

It's just lust, Sasuke told himself to quiet the animal. Just. Lust. It doesn't mean anything.

Still, the mere, undeniable fact that Naruto was reacting that way to Sasuke sent a tingle of desire down his own spine. Sent a spurt of delight that bubbled up his throat and out his mouth in a soft laugh.

"Why—" Naruto's voice was a whisper so broken it made Sasuke look back up. "Why…are you so cruel?"

Sasuke's eyes widened. Cruel?

All those years of Naruto chasing after him, persistent and resolute, deaf to reason, only to turn away when Sasuke decided to come back to him… And Sasuke was the cruel one?

Is he…serious?

"I'm…cruel?" Sasuke pinned Naruto under a gaze that seemed to make him squirm.

Good. Acid burned Sasuke's insides, churning in his belly, threatening to rise up his throat.

When Naruto risked his life for Sasuke for no reason, saying he would die for him, only to turn around and get with Hinata a mere year later?

When Naruto said it hurt him when he saw Sasuke hurting, only to—

And he was the cruel one?

What the fuck?

It was all Sasuke could do to not spit in his face.

"I'm the cruel one?" Sasuke's voice was soft, but edged with a sharpness that could break skin. Naruto opened his mouth, but Sasuke cut him off. "'I'll bear the burden of your hatred and die with you.'"

Sasuke still remembered the shock of those words, then understanding, and then—as much as he had tried to push it down—hope. Sasuke pushed it all down in the grim reality he'd told himself then: there was no space for love for him. Only hatred. Only revenge. He couldn't afford himself any luxury while his murdered family remained unavenged and forgotten.

Still, it had given Sasuke some respite, some strength, to know that he wasn't completely alone in the world. That he'd die having someone he'd long kept in his heart by his side. That someone would keep him in their heart, long after he was gone.

Naruto froze at the words. Only his lips moved as a thin, papery whisper came out, "…What?"

The nerve of him to look so clueless. Trembling, Sasuke stepped closer still until there was no space left, and he could feel Naruto's arousal. Even as the animal writhed, Sasuke held it back and indulged in a sick sort of pleasure at the sight of Naruto's discomfort at their closeness, the same kind of discomfort Naruto would still instill in him.

Serves you right.

Naruto pressed himself against the tile wall, as futile as the action was. Sasuke watched as Naruto took in a long, shuddering breath, blue eyes flitting between emotions too fast for Sasuke to decipher.

"That's what you said," Sasuke said. "Are you not the one who moved heaven and earth to 'save me'? Are you not the one who said you'd let me kill you—that you'd die with me if it came to that even if it meant you'd be forsaking all your dreams? Are you not the one who let someone beat you black and blue because of something I did—"

"Who told you—"

Naruto's interruption only fueled Sasuke and he slammed Naruto against the wall, pressing his forearm into Naruto's neck. "Does it matter who told me? You did all that and you say all that and then you had the nerve to forget about it all like it never happened and start dating fucking—Hyuuga Hinata?" Sasuke could see how each of his words seemed to cut at Naruto, but he couldn't stop, not now, and the words toppled out of him unbridled, edged with a fury—and something else Sasuke didn't want to examine—that he didn't even realize he'd held onto until now. "Of course, you did. You'd just been stringing me along. Tell me—why did you want me back so bad if you were just going to leave me? Why did you have to do all that for me if you were just going to—to—turn your back on me and move on? Then you had the nerve to send me a fucking wedding invitation and expected me to come to it like nothing ever happened between us? And—somehow—I'm the cruel one? Why couldn't you have just let me self-destruct and die?"

The idiot looked genuinely shocked. As if it had never occurred to him. Never occurred to him that all his chasing and proclamations could have been interpreted as anything beyond friendship. Sasuke let go of him, sneering.

Of course. What an idiot.

No. I'm the bigger idiot to fall for him in the first place, Sasuke thought scathingly. Naruto hadn't a clue. Sasuke felt like hitting himself.

Naruto still clung to the bathroom wall as if for dear life. "What…what the…hell…are you talking about?"

Sasuke watched Naruto, unblinking. He was getting tired of this—this ignorance. Naruto was too old to be acting dumb. "You know what I'm talking about."

The shock had yet to leave those blue eyes, keeping them frozen.

And as suddenly as that anger had surged within Sasuke, it wore off, replaced with an exhaustion so deep Sasuke felt he could sleep for days. He took a step back.

Naruto seemed to relax slightly, though he still kept himself pressed against the wall. "Sa-suke—you—what—"

Sasuke made to leave the bathroom, wondering what had driven him to lose control like that. Only Naruto could ever make him so—furious—

But there was no point to this. There was nothing to be done, nothing that could be changed.

"Sasuke—wait—" Naruto clutched Sasuke's shoulder.

Sasuke slapped his hand off and whirled back around to face Naruto. "What?" Sasuke hissed.

Naruto only looked at Sasuke, his eyes seeming to dig into Sasuke's being. It only made his irritation rise back up. "Say something, moron."

Naruto opened his mouth.

Sasuke balled his fist, resisting the urge to pound it into the idiot's face. "Answer me this, then, idiot. Compared to us, what made you think, after going on one mission with her, that you loved her and married her all in the space of a year?"

"Because that's what I thought was normal," Naruto burst out . "And I owed her that much. She loved me for all these years, what else was I—"

Normal. Sasuke staggered back, feeling as though all the air from his lungs had been punched out.

Normal.

That was right. This…thing he felt for Naruto wasn't…normal. It was never…normal.

"S-Sasuke?" Naruto called hoarsely. "Why…didn't you say anything? …Back then?"

Sasuke took another step back, a dry, mirthless laugh escaping him. "Would you really have done anything different if I'd told you?" Sasuke met Naruto's gaze. "It's not normal, after all."

Naruto blanched.

Sasuke knew it wasn't fair. Especially when he knew Naruto never cared for what was normal or not. He never did. But Sasuke couldn't bring himself to take the words back.

But it was Naruto who apologized. "I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean—I really didn't know—I was an idiot—but…" Naruto's eyes seemed to open bright like a cloudless blue sky. "D-Did you—did you really have—feelings for me…? Back then?"

Sasuke could only stare at him. They were both married with kids. What was Naruto looking so—hopeful—for?

As the silence stretched, Naruto appeared to have understood. Just like that, dark clouds converged. "Damn it, why didn't you say anything?" he asked again, the devastation so clear in his voice it made Sasuke step back.

"H-How could I?" Sasuke said. "I—I thought you'd moved on from me."

"How could I ever move on from you?" Naruto said roughly, those blue eyes so filled with emotion it made Sasuke's own eyes burn. "Sasuke, you were all I thought about since we were seven. You've been a part of me since we were seven."

Sasuke stared at him. His mouth opened and closed several times before any sound came out. "A—a—part of you? S-Since—"

Naruto's eyes widened, as if surprised by his own admission.

Since…seven?

No, Sasuke knew that. But did Naruto really…love him for that long?

And only realized it recently?

All this time.

Sasuke realized just how much he underestimated the dobe's capacity for sheer obliviousness. He found himself taking a step back, then another, until his back hit the bathroom door.

All this time.

"S-Sasuke?" Naruto reached out a hand, but Sasuke was out the door and closed it behind him.

All. This. Time.

Unsure whether to feel disappointed or relieved, Naruto stepped back into the shower. Naruto could still feel Sasuke's emotions smarting his skin and spreading underneath. He could still feel the anger in his velvety voice, the pure fury in his mismatched eyes. Sasuke had looked like he was only seconds from skinning Naruto alive.

However, instead of feeling chilled to his bones with fear, Naruto's body seemed to react in the opposite direction. The way those mismatched eyes burned into him had only made Sasuke look even more irresistible. Naruto touched his lips, still feeling the ghost of Sasuke's kiss, making him feel something unlike anything he'd felt before, something that had his blood running hot in his veins with adrenaline and—arousal.

Unable to get the way Sasuke had looked at him out of his mind, Naruto massaged his dick—

If it was just in his head, it was fine, right? If he just focused on vague features…of pale, sweaty skin, of pink breathless lips wide open, dark, silky hair he could card his fingers through, of blood-red eyes—

Naruto gasped as he came and he leaned his forehead on the cool tiles of the bathroom wall, breathing heavily.

Fuck.

Past that thorny wall of fury and outrage in those black and purple eyes, though, Naruto remembered glimpsing something else through the cracks.

Naruto wouldn't have dared let himself believe it, would have convinced himself that it had been a simple mirage, a mere trick of the light, had Naruto not felt the onslaught of Sasuke's rage firsthand. Rage so intense it felt as though Sasuke had set the black fires of Amaterasu on Naruto, burning him until he was nothing.

All because Naruto had been too much of an idiot to not realize his feelings early enough.

Still, even though that fire had burned him to nothing, Naruto felt almost reborn from the ashes. That same fire felt like it spread to his heart, lighting up a warmth that spread to the very tips of his fingers and toes.

He loves me, too. He…loves me!

Naruto felt dizzy at the revelation. Back then, if he had only been just a little bit smarter, just a little bit more aware. What would have happened if he'd accompanied Sasuke on his redemption journey instead of staying back in Konoha? If they'd had time to spend with each other, would they have realized their feelings—

No. Reality came back to stop the little dance Naruto's heart as doing.

There was no point thinking about what ifs.

It was too late.

Naruto forced himself to shut down his thoughts and took his time washing himself. When he finally got out of the shower, he found Sasuke munching on some onigiri. Sasuke nodded at him, and then at the tray of food at the foot of his bed.

Naruto helped himself to the onigiri and tried to watch Sasuke out of the corner of his eyes.

Only to find that Sasuke was also watching him.

Naruto looked away, stuffing the entirety of his onigiri in his mouth to have an excuse for the silence.

Sasuke snorted. "Usuratonkachi."

Naruto glared, though the effect was lost with his mouth still full of food. Once he swallowed, Sasuke spoke.

"We need to talk."

Naruto's throat went dry, his voice gone. He nodded and then went to have another onigiri, knowing full well Sasuke was waiting for him to talk. Still, he chewed slowly.

Eventually, Sasuke spoke. "When did you realize?"

"Realized…what?"

"When did you realize that you…" Sasuke's voice became strained. "That you…loved me?"

"Ah—" Naruto's voice cracked. "Um…" He looked away, starting to feel hot. "It was…that day. You were…talking about how loving…" His chest grew heavy as he finished, "how…loving Sakura…felt like."

That's right.

Sasuke loved Sakura now. What was the point of talking about this? Naruto felt somewhat stupid for that moment of hope he'd felt earlier, but…

Sasuke didn't love him anymore, did he?

Naruto looked at his half-eaten onigiri, not feeling hungry anymore. All that time…

No—this was a good thing. At least it was only one of them suffering—

"I wasn't talking about Sakura," Sasuke said.

Naruto blinked. "…What?"

This time, Sasuke looked away. "That day. On that tree. I was…talking about…you."

Naruto blinked again.

No. That couldn't be right. Sasuke never left the slightest hint—

No. Earlier, Sasuke had lashed out with a fury so acute it couldn't be that he only used to love Naruto. Not when it felt as raw as a fresh wound, deep and bleeding heavily.

"You…you still…love…me?" Naruto spoke the words as if he was holding them delicately, afraid that they might break with the slightest movement.

Sasuke avoided Naruto's gaze, but Naruto saw Sasuke's cheeks turning a shade darker.

Despite everything, Naruto felt something bubble in his chest, up his throat. "S-Since…when?"

Sasuke looked down at his lap. "Since our…first real fight. When I…left. For Orochimaru's."

No.

No way.

For…that…long?

But how come Naruto never realized?

Naruto had thought he'd known Sasuke, but now…

Was that how ignorant he was?

"H-How did you…know?" Naruto asked.

"Because it hurt, Naruto," Sasuke said hoarsely, finally looking back at Naruto. "It—hurt—to leave you behind."

Sasuke activated his Sharingan, the three tomoe spinning slowly within. In the dim moonlit room, it seemed to glow. "Do you know what this eye means?"

Naruto hesitated, trying to resist the pull of Sasuke's eye.

"The Second Hokage once said that the Sharingan is a power driven by love," Sasuke said. "Did you know that?"

Naruto nodded slowly. The Mangekyou Sharingan was only activated from the loss of someone closest to the user, after all.

"Did you know that both times my Sharingan evolved, you were involved?"

That shook Naruto out of his daze. That didn't sound right. "Er, wasn't it the loss of Itachi that activated your Mangekyou?"

"When it first evolved, I meant," Sasuke said. "When it grew to two tomoe, then three."

Naruto furrowed his brow. "Wasn't that…just because you were in a dangerous situation?"

Sasuke scoffed. "I was in plenty of dangerous situations before that. Remember the chunin exams? Orochimaru's attack? Gaara's attack?"

Naruto shifted. "I…don't get it."

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Sasuke muttered. "I first activated my Sharingan on the night of the massacre. But it never manifested again until that mission in the Land of Waves. I was stuck within Haku's ice mirrors long before you barged your dumb ass in. I only activated my eyes after—when I felt the need to protect you. That was when it evolved." Sasuke's gaze drifted. "My Sharingan fully matured at the Valley of the End, when you made me see how much I meant to you, and I realized just how much it was really hurting me to leave you behind. When I thought I had to…break…that bond between us so I could leave…"

Sasuke locked his gaze back on Naruto, blood-red eye paralyzing him in place. "That was when my Sharingan fully matured."

Author's Note

Replies

nosimphere0, hehe, what's a story without a cliffhanger? And I'm afraid I left you with another one here, but I had to cut the chapter off somewhere before it became a monster. Hope it was enjoyable, though! Sorry it's been a long wait, I wanted to get this particular chapter as good as possible!