Chapter 8 – And I'll Always Be Here
"Thank you for the food, Mikoto-san," Sakura said with a smile. "It was delicious."
Her smile was faint, the atmosphere bearing down on them. Having returned an hour after Madara had left, she'd instantly picked up on her husband's dark mood and sought them out, asking what had happened. All Sasuke muttered was his uncle's name before she worriedly left the room, telling them almost distractedly that supper would be ready within the hour.
Supper itself was awkward. Occasionally, when Sakura was feeling brave, she would lift her eyes from her meal and try to fill the uncomfortable silence. Mikoto's responses were strained, her gaze darting to Fugaku's rigid muscles and clenched jaw. Sasuke tried to remain silent, telling her with his eyes alone to do the same. Then, there was Itachi. While he'd been like herself, choosing to be quiet, he replied with ease when she spoke up.
She'd been around the family long enough to witness several of Fugaku's bad moods. Nearly all of them were brought on by a meeting with Madara and she knew to make herself scarce afterwards, even if it was cowardly of her to do so. However, her boyfriend needed her support – had asked for it, in his own roundabout way. Like hell she was going to let him down.
"Out with it, Sasuke."
Damn it, she didn't mean to flinch. The flat tone of Fugaku's voice, the way he seemingly reluctantly looked at his youngest son, made it impossible to hold back. If he could treat his own child so uncaringly, how would he treat her if she crossed him during one of his moods? The atmosphere was too much for her – she was used to easy chatter and laughter during meals.
"Can Sakura stay?" he asked, meeting his father's gaze unfalteringly.
The brave move had Itachi glancing up from his seconds, watching from the corner of his eye as he chewed slowly. Then, he looked to her. She could see the questions going through his mind, more than likely wondering when and how they had earned enough of his parents' trust to allow her to spend the night. Of course, he'd been gone for years. Before they allowed her to stay over, she and Sasuke had been forced to sit through a solid hour of rules they had to abide by. Said rules were revised every year they were together, being tweaked once they earned trust.
Those inquisitive eyes left hers when his mother paused in re-entering the dining room, her features pleading with Sasuke to not push his luck. That expression soon shifted to indifference when Fugaku's attention was on her.
"I don't care what you do," he said with a cold air of indifference, standing from his seat. "As long as you remember you are not to share a bedroom and don't bother me further."
She winced at the rough opening of the door, green eyes darting to Mikoto's apologetically. The older woman was too busy staring after her husband before looking to Sasuke, sadness evident on her features as she saw what Sakura always saw: how badly Fugaku's indifference hurt him. All the while, Itachi silently continued his supper and she was so tempted to demand how he could be so goddamn peaceful and calm when everyone else was tiptoeing around his father.
"Sakura." Sasuke stood up, refusing to look at his brother and mother as he held her gaze. "Let's go."
And not help Mikoto with the dishes? "But-"
"Now."
"It's fine, Sakura-chan," she told her. "Go with Sasuke."
That relaxed expression on Itachi's face faltered when he glanced his mother's way, something about their interaction leading him to look at her with barely concealed agitation, silently demanding answers from her. Sakura couldn't bring herself to stick around to find out more, instead merely nodding in acceptance, briefly meeting Itachi's eye before following Sasuke as he walked out the room.
"Itachi, please don't-"
She looked over her shoulder, frowning when she saw him shutting the door, not allowing them to overhear their conversation. It had her debating whether she should stay with the pair, but Sakura decided at the last moment that she was being ridiculous. Itachi had clearly felt guilty for merely showing his upset at her words yesterday – he wasn't the type to harm another, let alone his own mother.
Her boyfriend was unsettlingly quiet when they returned to the gaming room and she found herself glancing around the room, trying to find some way to take his mind off how foul his father had been towards him. Every time, without fail, Fugaku's negativity rubbed off on Sasuke and he, in turn, would be in an awful mood, too. There was rarely anything she could do to cheer him up. Usually, the best thing to do was to give him time to himself, but this time was different. This time, he asked her to stay. Inwardly, she felt hopeful and felt her heart skip a beat in response.
She smiled at him when he shut the door – the only door they were allowed to shut in the mansion, since the video games were almost as loud as their competitive natures. The smile wasn't returned, but she hadn't expected it to be. Not after Fugaku's harsh words.
"Should we play a game?" His eyebrows knitted together, his silence questioning and in response, Sakura once more smiled, gesturing to the games console. "Same as before?"
Realisation took over when he followed the direction she was pointing in and she noticed there was a faint uncertainty there too, dark eyes seeming distant while he contemplated something. What was so hard about it, though? It'd been a long while since she felt so awkwardly out of place around Sasuke, but in that moment, she was unsure how to handle the situation and what to do with herself. Did she start a game anyway? Wait for him to make the decision? Did she go home and give him time like he usually needed? Gods, what was she supposed to do?
"Sasuke-kun?"
"Hn?"
Hiding her uncertainty was impossible as Sakura shifted in her stance, her eyes dropping to the ground. "What do you want me to do?" No answer. "I can go home. It's not that late-"
She was cut off by the hand under her chin, tipping her head back gently and it was impossible to continue speaking when their eyes met. Still quiet, still so hard to read, Sasuke merely watched her for a few moments, those dark eyes never failing to stir up that giddy feeling within her, the one that made her feel as though they were falling in love all over again.
When Sasuke kissed her, she couldn't think straight. They could have been in the middle of the most volatile arguments, she could've been an absolute wreck, the world itself could be ending, and his kiss would still make her forget about it all. Holding onto negativity, reminding herself that she had to be strong and stick to her guns, was impossible. Simply put: she couldn't stay mad at him, or upset.
This time, it was different.
Unable to figure out why it didn't feel the same, Sakura shut her eyes and tried to relax into him, but when she found herself being guided backwards, bumping into the sofa, the tension in her muscles returned. Green eyes flew open, looking up at her boyfriend unsurely because above all else, Sasuke never broke the rules. It didn't matter what kind of rules they were, or how petty he believed them to be. If something was ordered of him, he would do it. So, why was he currently breaking a rule set not only by his father, but his mother, too? Why didn't he hesitate for even the briefest of moments while coaxing her onto the sofa, caging her in? The rule was simple: no inappropriate behaviour. They were violating his parents' trust horrifically – the only door in the house they could close behind them and they were taking advantage of that.
None of it felt right. The kiss, the way he daringly reached down towards the hem of her shirt, fingers briefly skimming beneath the fabric – wrong. It was all so, so wrong.
"No, Sasuke-kun. We-"
He silenced her with another insistent kiss, hand returning to her cheek to keep their faces together, making it harder to pull away. It was such an odd sensation, Sakura noticed numbly. Usually, she loved it when Sasuke kissed her passionately. She loved when he paid her attention. So why did she feel so uneasy? A kiss that previously caused her to melt against Sasuke, desperate to feel more of him, currently had her squirming in her place. She couldn't enjoy it.
"Sasuke-kun-"
"We're not doing anything wrong," he murmured against her lips.
She couldn't break the trust she'd earned, but how was she supposed to say no to her boyfriend without seeming like she was rejecting him? Sasuke had never been so insistent before, so… so pushy. What if saying no resulted in him never wanting to make the first move? What if it caused him anxiety somewhere down the line? What if she made him think the same way as herself, wondering why he didn't want her or if something was wrong with her?
Still… "The rules-"
"The rules say we can't share a bedroom," Sasuke said and her breath caught in her throat when his knee squeezed between her thighs, parting them. "Technically, this isn't a bedroom."
They also said that they weren't to act inappropriately. If anything was to happen, then they had to be smart and safe. She sure as hell wasn't taking any form of contraception and she would be suspicious if Sasuke suddenly carried condoms with him. Due to the nature of their relationship and how traditional his family was, they had no need for contraception.
Her inner conflict showed in the way her fingers tangled in his shirt to bring him closer, in the way she simultaneously pushed against him. Was her heavy breathing from his ministrations as he grabbed at her body, squeezing appreciatively, or something more?
Why didn't she enjoy it?
Why couldn't she say no?
Gaze darting to the door, Sakura mentally begged of someone to walk in – no, not just someone. Itachi. She wanted Itachi to use his weird sixth sense thing and walk in on them, which would stop anything more from happening. If his parents caught them, then they could kiss all the trust they'd earned over the years, goodbye. But Itachi was a different story. Yes, he had authority but he was also rational and understanding.
Walk in, she pleaded. Walk in. Walk in. Walk in. Walk in. Please, Itachi. Walk in.
"Relax," he whispered and she shivered at the feeling of his teeth grazing her earlobe. "They won't expect something like this from someone who's spineless."
No. She didn't like the Sasuke who was all over her. She didn't like the new version of him. Like the other day in the queue at the fast food restaurant, Sakura felt humiliated. He wasn't kissing her because he wanted to. He wasn't squashing her into the sofa, hands roaming her body and lips on her neck because it was something he wanted to do. He was doing it to prove a point. The other day, he did it to show others she belonged to him. Now, he was doing it to show he wasn't spineless. He could go against the rules and orders.
"No, Sasuke-kun." She was annoyed by the lack of conviction in her voice. There was no Naruto lingering around, watching her back and putting Sasuke in his place when necessary. No, she had to stand up for herself. Like hell she was going to let him use her to get back at his parents and Madara, or show that she was his. "I said no, Sasuke-kun."
Like her voice was ice cold water being thrown over him, Sasuke tensed and snapped back, eyes wide on hers. The… She couldn't decide what sort of look was on his face. Horror? Fright? Disbelief? Anger? Who was he angry at? Her? Himself? Whatever expression on her face was enough to break him, she soon came to realise. A strangled sound of pain left him, his back hitting the arm of the sofa before he was covering his face, shoulders shaking momentarily. It was the first time she'd ever seen him in such a state, the look of utter heartbreak not missed by her, but Sakura felt too numb to comfort him. Did she even want to comfort him?
She wasn't sure how long it had been before he managed to choke out, "Go."
The order knocked her out of her numbness. That word – that single, simple word – made it feel as though a hand was holding her heart. Sasuke's hand. And he was squeezing it, breaking it in his careless grasp. "No."
He sucked in a breath, though it sounded more like a gasp, like he was struggling to keep calm. "Go."
Tears stung her eyes. "No."
Patience snapping, his hands dropped and he turned aggressively, snapping at her, "Get out, Sakura. Go home!"
Her lips turned down at the corners, the tears falling. There was too much finality in his words. "No, talk to me about it," she urged desperately. "I get that you're stressed-"
"Don't make excuses for me," he snarled in response. Finally, she could describe the look on his face, the expression a mixture of guilt and heartbreak. "What I just did is-" He looked sick with himself, suddenly unable to glance her way as he turned his head, hands balling into fists. "You don't deserve that."
That hold on her heart was making it difficult to breathe. "You're not-"
"We should break-"
"No."
"Sakura-"
"You're not leaving me," she snapped at him, fingers digging into the fabric of the sofa.
There was no disbelief or numbness – no, Sasuke had never been one to joke around or say things he didn't mean. Maybe, because she knew that about him or because of the severity of what could have happened, she skipped straight over that stage? Whatever the reason, she felt desperate. She felt scared. Terrified. Heartbroken. Devastated.
When she moved towards him, Sasuke quickly stood, creating more distance. There wasn't anything she could really do other than watch him as he began pacing, trembling hands running through his hair, brushing the bangs from his forehead, slicking it all back until it fell forward again in its natural spiky mess. And while Sakura had often seen an aggravated Sasuke, she had never seen him appear so unnerved before.
"Sasuke-kun," she begged weakly, pitifully. "Please, don't leave me."
But her words only seemed to make him angrier and he whirled round on her, disbelieving anger directed at the both of them. "What's wrong with you?" he demanded with obvious exasperation. "Why can't you see that you deserve better? I was force-" Was it the heartbreak on her features that caused him to cut himself off? Was it the disgust he felt towards himself and what he was about to admit? "Go. Please."
The 'please' broke her. Those last two words made her stomach drop. He spoke them so quietly, voice so vulnerable, that she honestly couldn't help but sob. "Is that what you want?" questioned Sakura, equally quiet.
"Of course not," he snapped like it was obvious and later, she would feel stunned to see tears in his eyes. "But-"
That was enough for her, she decided and shot to her feet, feeling hopeful. "But nothing." He took a step back when she reached out to him, but it didn't stop her. Relationships weren't easy, Sakura reminded herself, watching him determinedly through blurred version. They had to work at it. "We can-"
"Stop it," he warned with a shake of his head, stepping back again.
"Sasuke-kun, please. I-"
"Just leave," Sasuke yelled and the breath was knocked out of her when she was shoved backwards, colliding with the sofa and collapsing in a heap of useless limbs.
It was the sight that welcomed the man she'd previously been begging for help, his lips parting in shock, incredulity written throughout his features and body language. It had nothing on the horror that returned to Sasuke's face, turning him a sickly pale, hands remaining in the air. They felt like they were still on her, the pressure of them on her chest unbearable.
"Go home, Sakura." Unlike before, his voice was now weak. She noticed he couldn't look at her or the intruder, his gaze fixed on the ground between them. "Please."
Presumably noticing that she was in shock, Itachi approached her and held out his hands, waiting patiently until she responded before helping Sakura stand. "Come, Sakura. I will drive you home."
Feebly, she tried to argue, saying, "I don't want to-"
"You may not want it, but space is necessary right now on both sides." The hold on her, secure and strong, kept her standing and she was unable to resist Itachi as he guided her from the room. Before they left, however, he looked over his shoulder at his younger brother, murmuring, "I will speak with you later, Sasuke."
The walk to her car was silent and Sakura was too distraught to notice the way Mikoto averted her eyes, returning to the safety of her kitchen and pretending as though she hadn't overheard the entire argument.
While she felt cold, her limbs were shaking with her intense emotions. How she could even move, Sakura wasn't entirely sure. Sasuke had punched a hole straight through her chest, his words hurting her far worse than he ever could physically harm her. Breaking up was the last thing she wanted and with how well they'd been doing in terms of being open with one another, it was the last thing she expected, too. Was she in shock? Perhaps. Was that why she was capable of sliding into her car, though unable to actually take in her surroundings?
Itachi was silent as he prepared himself for the drive to her home, taking a few extra moments tapping away at his phone. Vaguely, she heard him informing her of Shisui picking him up from her place, possibly trying to keep himself from appearing as rude for messing with his phone.
Music blared through her speakers when the engine was started, the voice filling the silence haunting as the man sung about his love. Since the weekend away, Sakura had alternated through the albums of her favourite band, reliving that moment of madness up on the stage with Naruto and envisioning what it would be like to sing more of the band's songs. Pointless fantasies, really.
She grabbed his wrist when Itachi moved to turn the stereo off, shaking her head silently when he looked to her questioningly. He must have understood, because for a long moment, she sensed him watching her, only pulling his arm back to himself when she moved first, head turning to stare out of the window when he set off.
Get out.
They had obviously argued before – being together for five years and claiming not to have disagreed was a blatant lie. No relationship was perfect and theirs was certainly far from it. But while they'd disagreed from time to time, it never escalated like… Sakura bit her lip harshly, unable to ignore the feeling of his hands on her, shoving her.
Go. Please.
Breaking up had… It had never been an option before. No matter how bad the situation, they had never been open to the idea of going their separate ways. They'd always seen the light at the end of tunnel, knowing without even thinking about it their upset was only temporary. Their love was stronger than any disagreement.
Why can't you see that you deserve better?
Why couldn't he see that she didn't want anyone else? That she didn't want him to change? She loved Sasuke for who he was and the memories of their relationship brought on a new wave of tears. The intense, irritable and passionate man he was becoming was who she wanted to spend her life with – in a way, she'd had a part in shaping him, just as he had her. Without him, she wouldn't be the person she was. And they still had so much growing to do! Why couldn't he see that?
What's wrong with you?
In the same moment she sobbed, Itachi pulled over and switched the engine off, though hesitated for the longest time. Only after careful consideration did he reach out to her, gently bringing her towards him, allowing Sakura to bury her face in his shoulder. There was no fight left within her to argue against the foreign movement. No reason for her to pull away, not even as that whiny, anxious voice in the back of her mind warned her of the shirt she was about to ruin. The mixture of makeup, tears and snot would be an ugly one, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Instead, she clung to him, shaking in his arms, inhaling his odd scent that she couldn't place whenever she greedily gulped in deep breaths.
"Give Sasuke time to calm himself," Itachi murmured to her, his voice gentle and smooth. "Neither of you are in any position to make such rash decisions."
She knew that. The question was: did Sasuke? It was a scary question. Sakura knew her boyfriend well, therefore knew how stubborn he could be. She knew how badly he could get lost in his thoughts, torturing himself with how…
"What started the argument? Would you like to talk about it?"
No. She couldn't. Not without making Sasuke look like the bad guy. He wasn't a bad guy. He merely made bad choices, cracking under the pressure that he constantly struggled with. Was it a scary situation they'd been in? Hell yeah. No doubt about it. Having to stress her point of saying no was… It shouldn't have to happen. The first no was supposed to be more than enough. For Sasuke to continue his ministrations, so obviously not taking her feelings into consideration, sent ice cold shivers down her spine. What would Itachi think if she told him about what happened? Would he grow angry with Sasuke? Would he judge her?
She shook her head in response to his question, hands raising to cling to his shirt, keeping him in place, continuing to try and focus on the strange scent of his aftershave, trying to decide whether she liked it. It was the only thing keeping her from completely shutting down.
"No matter what started the argument, it does not excuse his actions, Sakura-san," stated Itachi more seriously and he carefully leaned back, trying to catch her eye. "One should never resort to violence to express their feelings. It doesn't matter if you're his girlfriend, if you were the same gender, a murderer or a stranger in the street. Violence solves nothing."
"He didn't mean-"
"Don't." His voice was firmer, stronger. "Regardless of the situation or how badly he was wronged, he should know better." She was unable to resist him when Itachi forced her to meet his eye and Sakura swallowed, recalling the way Sasuke had handled her similarly. Fingers beneath her chin, controlling her movements. Unlike with her boyfriend, however, she was able to pull away if she wanted to. She simply didn't have the energy to, instead allowing Itachi to keep their eyes locked. "Do not make excuses for him or attempt to downplay the severity of what happened. Sasuke's actions were wrong."
Were they, though? She'd pushed and pushed at him, refusing to respect his decision when he asked her to leave. Instead of sticking around, demanding answers from him when he was clearly in the wrong state of mind for such pressure, she should have given him his space. If she had, he wouldn't have broken up with her.
A look of sadness passed through his eyes when a new round of sobbing began and Itachi allowed her to return to her seat. The engine restarted when she brought her knees to her chest, arms encasing her head, attempting to smother her heartbreak or at the very least grant herself a shred of privacy.
To say her parents were startled by the state of her emotions was an understatement and Sakura knew that, later, she would feel grateful for Itachi explaining only part of the situation to her mother while handing over her car keys. Their looks of sympathy didn't help matters, however, and Sakura was quick to kick her shoes off and rush to her bedroom, door shutting with a slam.
It's over.
She collapsed onto her bed, bringing a fluffy cushion to her chest as she curled around it.
It was over.
Hesitant knocking brought her out of her stupor long enough to wonder who could possibly want to bother her. Moments later and her mother slowly entered the room with a tray in her hands, green eyes sympathetic as they took in her pitiful state. Unable to stand the pity, Sakura's head dropped back to the pillow, gaze returning to watching the life outside her bedroom window.
It had been two days since Sasuke broke up with her. In all that time, she heard nothing from him, although she did receive a text from Itachi last night, asking her how she was feeling. She'd yet to reply. As pathetic as it sounded, she couldn't bring herself to look at her phone. Couldn't be bothered eating. The only time she really left her bed was to go to the bathroom and even then, she put it off for as long as physically possible.
Sakura couldn't recall a time she'd ever left her hair unwashed, but even the greasy feeling of it didn't affect her. Caring about something like that seemed so stupid. It was insignificant.
Five years.
"Sakura," her mother said with a sigh, placing the tray on her nightstand. The smell of toast drifted to her, followed by the sweet scent of her favourite tea. It only served in making her feel nauseated. "Have you heard from him?"
Part of her was grateful to Itachi for not revealing just how bad it got between them. How would her parents react to knowing it got physical between her and Sasuke? Would they be angry with him for shoving her? Would they blame her for it, knowing how pushy and stubborn she could be?
"Love isn't supposed to be easy, y'know," she continued, ignoring the silence and the fact she wanted nothing more than to be alone. "If it was, life would be boring."
She would take boring over feeling so utterly broken any day. Five years of her life was over – not exactly a waste, but it made her question the point of it all. All the effort and time she put into their relationship, all of the hard fucking work. Over. Up until the other night, they had never experienced anything seriously negative and honestly, Sakura had believed their love to be strong enough to handle anything bad. Five years. Five fucking years they'd been building their relationship, working at it and supposedly falling more and more in love. How the hell couldn't they work through something like that? Was she underestimating the seriousness of what happened? Was she overestimating Sasuke's feelings for her?
Accompanying the seemingly ever-present heartache, she felt a pure hot rage swelling in her chest, strong enough for her to finally turn away from the window and sit up, assessing her room. She continued to ignore her mother's lecture on love, instead thinking back on the night's events and how she was so goddamn stupid for assuming they could work through it.
If Sasuke cared at all, he would fight for them. He wouldn't let one bad experience destroy them. There was always something she had to work on for their relationship, but as soon as he had to do something, it was over.
It was over.
"Sakura? Are you listening to me?"
She needed air. And space. And time to herself. Having her parents hovering over her, watching her with their pity and their understanding was driving her insane. And staying curled up in bed, moping and crying for days wouldn't get her anywhere.
"I'm going for a run."
"Do you want me to join you?" asked her mother, eyes hopeful, probably happy and trying to encourage her sudden motivation. "We could make a day of it-"
"No," she answered bluntly and stood. Going to her drawers, she found her gym clothes, though had to dig deeper to try and find her sports bras.
"To the left, under your socks. Your favourite should be in there – the red one." Anger subsiding slightly, Sakura offered her mother a grateful smile and in response, Mebuki patted her shoulder, telling her, "Remember: when one door closes, another opens, even if you can't see the next door just yet." Smirking a little, she added, "You don't know it, but you're strong enough to break out of that room – door or no door."
The words fuelled the restless anger within her and Sakura nodded once, already in the process of changing into her gym clothes. By the time she was dressed and stretched, her mother was gone, meeting her by the front door with her trainers and a bottle of water.
Having decided it was pointless to wash her hair before exercising, she quickly threw it up, giving it a quick spray with dry shampoo to give the impression it was clean.
"Stretched?" Sakura nodded, sliding her phone into arm band, earphones at the ready as they hung around her neck. "Don't forget to stretch afterwards, too. And be safe."
And then she was off, music blaring and drowning out her thoughts. Later, she would regret starting off with a sprint, continuing said sprint even when she ached and her lungs burned, but for the duration of her run, she needed it. And soon enough, it wasn't about exercise. It was about the freedom of running and not stopping for anything.
As long as she kept moving, she would be okay.
Right?
Forced to come to a stop, Sakura doubled over, hands on her knees as she tried to control her breathing.
Gods, she'd been running for what felt like hours. But it felt good. Therapeutic, in a way. For the first time in who knows how long, she didn't care about her appearance – something major for her. Red faced and drenched in sweat, no doubt reeking from it, her baggy sheer white shirt falling from one shoulder and clinging to her skin, making the red sports bra more prominent.
The only reason she'd stopped was because the ringing of her phone cut off the music. First time, she managed to ignore it, barely even noticing the change. The second time, it bugged her. The seventh time her phone started ringing, it ruined her pace, forcing her to stop. She didn't rush to answer it, choosing to catch her breath first. It was the eighth time she was called that she answered.
"Hello?"
There was a pause in response, but when he spoke, Sakura swallowed hard, anger evaporating when he said, "I've been trying to call you."
She leaned back against the nearest tree and shut her eyes, breathing deeply. At some point during her run, she had made it to the park towards the quieter part of Konoha. People rarely ventured so far, wishing to remain close to civilisation (Sakura would never admit to her mother how far she ran – she would undoubtedly lecture her again on safety), but those who enjoyed nature frequented it often, enjoying the untouched grass, the free animals who existed happily, undisturbed.
"I'm out for a run," she replied lamely.
Another pause, lasting longer than the first. Had they ever struggled to fill the silence before? To express their feelings? She'd grown so used to hearing him speak articulately, surely. Sasuke was always sure of himself, but on the phone, he sounded quiet. Wary. It was difficult wrapping her head around it.
"Can we meet?"
A horrible ache made itself known, anxiety whispering away to her, telling Sakura that he wanted to officially end things. Wanted to make sure there was no uncertainty between them. That or he would ask for all the gifts from the past five years back, along with the several shirts and jackets she'd 'forgotten' to hand back. He wanted his stuff back, would hand over hers. Then it was over for good.
"Sakura."
"Yeah," she replied over the lump in her throat, thankful that it was such a quiet area. The tears from earlier returned, making her wonder how she even had anything left to cry. "When?"
"Tonight. I'll-" He cut himself off, changing his sentence around when he offered, "I can pick you up?"
The discomfort evident in his voice had her wiping harshly at her eyes, stomach twisting sickeningly. "What time?"
"Seven?"
She wasn't used to hearing him asking if the plans were okay. Her boyfriend – no, Sasuke usually took charge. The change was unwelcome. "Okay."
Another pause. "I'll… see you."
Unable to talk any longer, Sakura hung up, eyes glued to the screensaver until the pain in her heart had her lashing out, yelling angrily as she threw her phone at a tree.
Be strong.
Hold your head high.
The advice shared by her mother was difficult to follow as Sakura stood in front of her house, waiting for Sasuke to arrive. Her fingers ached to fidget, chest shaking momentarily as she reminded herself his possessions were piled neatly by the front door, inside at her mother's insistence.
You can't assume he's here to cut ties, Sakura. Doing so might make him think you're cutting all ties.
Hoping was dangerous. Apparently, she was too much of an idealist, having assumed Sasuke would fight for their relationship rather than immediately go to an option she never would have considered – it wasn't even an option, in her mind. It didn't exist. What was the point of being in a relationship if there was no fight to save it? Why bother with any of it if people believed the answer to problems was to lay back and take it?
Had she been scared when Sasuke wouldn't listen to her? Definitely – who wouldn't? Having to repeat her 'no' was unacceptable. However, Sakura was not that little of a person to refuse to admit that she had sent out mixed signals. Up until that final 'no', she had been torn between accepting his affections and pushing him away. How the hell was he supposed to read her body language if she herself didn't know what she wanted?
It was all wrong, in her eyes. Their actions, her uncertainty, his ignorance, but most importantly, the reasoning behind the make out session. Then, there was his anger and her pushing. Again, they were both in the wrong. She should have allowed him to have time to himself. He shouldn't have lost control and shoved her with enough force to knock her on her ass.
Running had certainly cleared her mind, allowing Sakura to step back and view the bigger picture. Yes, she was still in pain, but she liked to believe it didn't cloud her judgement too much.
All thoughts came to a screeching halt the second Sasuke's car appeared at the bottom of her street. The sight of it pulling up in front of her house had her momentarily frozen, conflicted about whether she should go or not. What if he was only there to end things?
"Go, Sakura!" she heard her mother hissing through the door.
Breathing in deeply, Sakura released the breath slowly, willing herself to stay strong for the conversation. Regardless of which way it went, she had to deal with it. If he ended it, she would try and talk to him about working on it. If they stayed together, they still had issues to work on.
Like on the phone, Sasuke was awkwardly silent when she climbed into his car and she briefly glanced over her shoulder, only partially glad to find the back seat was empty. She had so much at his place that it wouldn't all fit in the trunk.
"Hey," she said weakly, hesitantly and tried to smile.
Her heart sunk when he didn't meet her eye, instead focusing more than necessary on setting off. "Put your seat belt on."
Sakura could only nod. He wouldn't even look at her, she realised and in response, she had to try harder to stay stronger. No matter how badly she was hurting, crying in front of him wasn't an option.
She didn't ask where he was taking her. Didn't ask why he wanted to meet up. If she continued the conversation when he had the excuse of focusing on the road, she would inevitably grow annoyed with his distracted responses. Getting angry was something she wanted to avoid – on both parts. It wouldn't help the situation in the least.
They arrived only a handful of minutes later at a park with plenty of lighting and she noticed they weren't the only ones parked outside the gates, making her wonder if Sasuke had wanted to speak privately, without the risk of anyone listening in, while simultaneously having people walk by them, reminding them they weren't alone. She'd imagined he would've wanted to go to for dinner, where they could talk as they ate. But maybe that wasn't private enough for him? Or was she thinking too much into it?
Nerves caused a faint shake of her hands and she struggled to hide it. Due to it being summer and so hot, she'd refrained from wearing a jacket with pockets, instead pairing her dress with a denim gilet. Gods, she wished she'd suffered through wearing the jacket.
Sasuke walked ahead of her a few steps, giving Sakura the chance to watch him, trying to read his body language to predict how their meeting was going to go. There was nothing to read, other than tense muscles. His hands were in his jean pockets, but his strides were purposeful and strong. If he was experiencing inner turmoil like she was, he certainly didn't show it.
Towards the entrance of the park, there were several picnic benches, all of which were fortunately vacant, giving them the opportunity to sit and talk. She braved the wood chippings in her sandals, eyeing them warily to ensure her poor feet weren't harmed or dirtied.
For the longest while, they just sat there. Neither looking at one another or speaking, uncomfortable in their silence. Whereas Sasuke straddled one of the benches, she sat on the table itself, feet resting on the seat. Was it a good sign that he sat on the same side as her? What did it mean that there wasn't any more distance than what had been between them in his car?
Joggers captured her attention and Sakura allowed her gaze to follow them as they ran by. The two men were sweaty and breathless, but determined to carry on, encouraging one another. Briefly, she smiled when they glanced her way before looking to Sasuke once more, surprised to find he was already watching her.
"Are you okay?"
She frowned, unable to decide whether she should answer truthfully or not. Honestly? No. She wasn't okay. But could she really tell him that? Swallowing, Sakura shook her head, eyes dropping to the space between them. She wished she was stronger, wished she could lie through her teeth and smile and bat her eyelashes until she got home, where she could cry in privacy, but… It just wasn't her.
"I…" The words seemed to die on his tongue, forcing her to look back to him. He was still watching her, seeming to struggle more with his words when their eyes connected. "An apology doesn't seem like it's enough."
You deserve better.
"Sasuke-kun, I-"
"Let me finish," he requested quietly, silencing her with his eyes. It wasn't until that moment that she realised he wasn't acting cold towards her – he was struggling. In the car, she'd believed he couldn't look at her because he felt guilty about breaking up with her, but now, he seemed broken, in a way. "What happened – what I did – there's no excusing it. I…" Like the other night, his voice broke somewhat and he briefly looked away, only to force himself to maintain eye contact as he finished, "I forced myself on you and I got violent when the situation became too much for me."
Dark eyebrows knitted together when she quickly wiped at her eye, his jaw clenching when he heard her unsteady breathing. "You've always been…" Sasuke shook his head, visibly struggling for the right words. "Out of everyone in my life, you're the most important to me. You're there for me, you motivate me and you make me want to become a better person."
Gods, the weight in her chest was crushing her. It felt as though she couldn't breathe, like the oxygen was being sucked out of the universe, leaving her to suffocate.
"You're the last person I ever want to hurt."
He'd never been so open with his feelings before – not including the weekend away, where he'd been so drunk he couldn't keep everything bottled up. Having him sat beside her, seeing the intensity of his feelings written all over his face, broke her. Sakura had always believed she'd cherish the day Sasuke openly admitted to how much he cared for her, but she didn't feel like cherishing any of it. It felt like a goodbye.
His gaze dropped, voice almost strained when he told her, "I need a break."
There it was. Out there in the open. And thinking about it constantly over the past couple of days, telling herself time and time that it was over, did nothing to lessen the force of the blow. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the bench tightly, all but anchoring herself to the wood as she fought through the waves of agony that threatened to drown her.
When she said nothing, Sasuke continued, still looking away. "I need space. To go over what happened, figure out how and why I thought for even a second that what I was doing was okay."
Desperation clawed at her heart. "I don't want to break up-"
"Neither do I," he assured her, eyes meeting once more. Had she not been so breathless, so in pain, she would have been stunned by the redness of his eyes. "That's why I need space to clear my head. I messed up, Sakura and I need time to…" He sighed irritably when he lost his words. "Breaking up is the last thing I want."
Why didn't those words offer her any sort of relief? "I love you," she tried pitifully.
It was at her sob that Sasuke stood up, unable to stop himself from tugging her to him, embracing her tightly, almost desperately. "Go on your photo shoot. Have fun." His voice was strained, hands trembling minutely. "We'll talk more when you get back. When we've both had time to really take everything in."
"But I-"
"Please, Sakura. I want to be a better person for you. But I need time."
It shook her to hear him beg, made a vicious lump of helplessness sit heavily on her chest and in her throat, refusing to let her speak. All she could do was cling to him, face burying in his neck, breathing in his scent and storing it to memory, like it was the last time she was ever going to be held by him. She could only nod in response, grateful that he didn't seem ready to let her go, either.
A/N - Unfortunately I don't have time to reply to everyone tonight, but I promise with the next update, I'll reply to both last chapter's reviews and this chapter's, too. Thank you everyone who have been sending their support. I honestly can't put into words how much I appreciate it!