Chapter 19 – Our Love Is Six Feet Under
"She's hurting."
The voice startled her momentarily, since Sakura hadn't spotted him throughout the many hours the party had been going. Even when making the rounds with Sasuke, greeting his guests and conversing with them, she'd failed to notice him. But then again, he'd always been the kind of guy who blended in, hadn't he? He wanted an easy life, therefore kept to himself.
Knowing who he was on about, she turned in her stool once more, facing the bar. "She's an addict, Shikamaru," she responded blandly.
"Doesn't mean she's not hurting."
She sighed at that, taking a sip of her champagne before grimacing, setting it aside. Enjoying alcohol was impossible when her best friend was addicted to the stuff.
It was odd thinking of Ino in such a way. Up until that evening, the word 'addict' had always been just that to her: a word. Sure, it had a meaning, but it was lost to her, as she didn't truly understand the devastation it caused. Like the word 'literally', people overused and misused it repeatedly, making it redundant.
"She's never gone into you like that before, has she?" he questioned, those dull brown eyes assessing her closely. At the faint dimples that showed in her chin, he sighed, sitting beside her after grabbing himself a stool. "But you've had fights, right?"
Never to that extent. Of course over the years they'd disagreed – even gave the other's hair a sharp tug when they were feeling particularly vicious. But never in their fifteen years of friendship had she and Ino gone at it like that. Even when lost to alcohol, she and Ino had always been okay. It'd always been someone else in the line of fire. Always someone else who was attacked or screamed at. The worst Sakura had ever received was Ino droning on and on about how difficult her life was, how she'd fucked up and wasn't going anywhere – things like that. There was no deflecting the conversation or diverting her attention. Somehow, everything linked back to the struggles in her life.
"Has she ever gone after you like that?"
Shikamaru snorted. "It's not a night out if she doesn't."
Their friendship went just as far back as hers with Ino (and Choji, wherever he was). With their families being as close as they were, they'd always been together from the day they were born, the three of them inseparable until Sakura came along, allowing Shikamaru and Choji to participate in more boyish activities, since Ino had disliked getting dirty even as a child.
"Then why do you still go out with her?" Sakura questioned, frowning. "Knowing at some point she's going to lose it?"
He shrugged at that, watching her out of the corner of his eye. "That's what friends do. She's struggling, so the last thing she needs is for her friends to ditch her."
That was a dig at her, Sakura knew it was. Was it uncalled for? Not entirely, no. She knew she deserved it. It wasn't long after her parents' divorce that she started dating Sasuke. Instead of being there for her friend, she divided her time between them, wanting to be with her new boyfriend all the time. That didn't mean she ditched her completely, though. Like Sakura said: she divided her time.
"We need to do something."
Ah, there was Choji. Sakura glanced up as he sat on Shikamaru's other side, his hands full with two plates that were both piled high with food. How he could still be hungry after making repeated trips to the buffet tables and food stalls, coming away with mountains of food, was unknown to her. Sakura felt full just looking at it.
"Like what?" she demanded with a roll of her eyes. "Rehabs are voluntary. She can just walk out of the institution if she doesn't want to be there." Sighing at their disbelieving stares, she muttered, "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. If she's going to overcome her addiction, she needs to want it. You can't force her into it."
"And when she gets sick?" Shikamaru questioned lowly with a scowl. "When it inevitably kills her? Because let's face it: we're all thinking it. We've all pictured her body being found on the side of some road–"
"Shikamaru," Choji complained, glaring down at his food sadly.
"But it's true," he snapped, not even sparing him a glance. "She's making herself vulnerable when she gets into that state. She has no idea what's going on around her. And you just want to abandon her."
It was close to impossible keeping her cool as she glared over at the pair of them, heart aching at the accusing stares because damn it she'd done all she could for Ino. She was there, despite how horrific she could be. Despite the fact she continuously hit on Sasuke, throwing herself at him, making her feel so insignificant and unimportant in her own damn relationship.
"And where was she when I need–"
"This is more than boy drama," argued Choji with a frown. "She could really die."
"What do you want me to do?" Sakura finally exploded, though quickly lowered her voice considerably when the bartender looked to them, startled. "Do you want me to go and kidnap her? Lock her away somewhere and force her to go cold turkey?" When they merely stared at her, unconcerned with the mocking tone she'd used, her eyes widened. "I'm not kidnapping Ino!"
"We could–"
"We could nothing," she snapped, worriedly looking over her shoulder to make sure nobody could hear their conversation.
With the party dying down as the darkness crept into the sky, blanketing them, people steadily grew calmer. While some continued to party hard in terms of drinking and being obnoxiously loud, others were more reserved, insisting the DJ play slower music for them to relax to. With the life of the party continuing to be out cold in one of the guest rooms, the others had no chance of winning. Only Naruto's persistence would have kept the party thriving. After all, Sasuke was itching for it to end already.
"But–" Choji tried, pausing when he got lost in his head, no doubt picturing the scene Shikamaru had described. "We have to do something."
She wasn't uncaring. Sakura loved Ino dearly – she was her sister. Even after their fight, her heart longed to reach out to her, for Sakura to pick up the phone and call her at the very least. Did that make her weak?
"Let's say we go along with that idea," sneered Sakura, heart hammering as she envisioned how it would go down, as she immediately predicted the terror Ino would go through. "We'll bundle a vulnerable drunk into one of our cars," she began and ignored Shikamaru's glare. "Lock her away somewhere secret – she can't know where, just in case she gets hold of a phone. Then, we'll make her go cold turkey." Shrugging, Sakura added, "Sure, she'll get angry and nasty, but we can handle that, right?"
Choji's smile and nod of agreement faltered when Shikamaru glared at him.
"But what about when she gets sick?" she questioned. Her scowl was matched by Shikamaru's, her palms sweating. "What about when her parents inevitably call the police and report her as a missing person?"
Gods, they had no idea what they were even suggesting, did they? To lock Ino away was a bad idea. It had disaster written all over it. Damn it, Shikamaru was supposed to be a genius. Why the hell couldn't he see how badly things could go?
"Worst case scenario, she goes through withdrawal," said Choji, frowning.
"No, that'll happen in every scenario," Shikamaru muttered.
"And we have no idea how badly she craves alcohol now," she added. "It's gonna hurt her."
"We have to do something–"
"And what about when the police are involved?" she demanded angrily. Like hell she was getting mixed up in that shit. She had scholarships that would disappear with a click of her fingers if she had a criminal record. "What about when she gets really sick and we don't know what the hell to do because we're in way over our heads?"
"Well, that would depend on who you know."
She flinched at his voice, glancing over her shoulder without turning in her stool. "Shisui–"
"Now, now, Sakura-chan," he said teasingly, coming to sit on her left. He tugged his stool a little closer than necessary, smirking at her. "You should know by now that I love it when you look at me like that."
There was no stopping her blush and she quickly looked away, gritting her teeth. Had the situation not been so serious, she would have responded with some kind of witty remark. But her heart was beating fast, palms sweaty. She was terrified for Ino's well-being.
"What did you mean by that?" asked Shikamaru suspiciously. "That it depends on who we know?"
He sat back ever so slightly, almost looking down his nose at them all, his aura boasting that renowned Uchiha arrogance. It basically screamed don't you know who I am?
"He's a police officer," she informed them.
Sensing their curiosity being piqued, along with their silent questions, Shisui said, "I see many cases that start out as innocently as Ino-chan's and she's headed down a dark path. Soon enough, alcohol won't give her the buzz she craves and she'll move onto harder stuff."
Thinking of her best friend taking drugs had Sakura looking away from them all, her gaze drawn to the bar before her.
"And it'll only get worse from there," Shisui informed them, tone and expression grim. If it hadn't already, then the gravity of the situation, the disgusting, harsh reality, would have weighed down on them, suffocating them. "I'm assuming her parents wouldn't fund these kinds of habits?" He didn't wait for a response, despite it being spoken as a question. "She'll resort to theft, perhaps even prostitution to fund her habits. I see it all the time."
Shikamaru was quieter than before, the harshness of his features softening, leaving him appearing helpless. It was such an odd expression on him. "What do you suggest we do?"
"You need professionals on hand," he told them seriously. "And I just so happen to know a lovely little doctor who'd be more than happy to help." At her frown, he asked her, "Do you remember our cousin, Obito?"
Our cousin. Why did that make her stomach flip? Was it uncomfortably or excitement at being considered an Uchiha? "Vaguely," she responded. "He was at Mikoto-san's dinner party last year, I think. You introduced us."
Shisui nodded and stretched, signalling to the bartender and requesting a drink. It seemed almost comical him having a drink while discussing someone's addiction to the stuff, the irony not lost on them as he sipped away.
"Obito is married to a doctor called Rin-san–"
"No offence, but we're hardly going to leave Ino locked away with strangers."
Gods, they were being ridiculous. As though they weren't serious enough already, Shisui had to get involved, making it even more possible for them to kidnap an eighteen-year-old girl. How could they be so blasé about it all?
Hands planting on the bar, Sakura stood up, glowering at them all. "I'm not getting involved in this," she declared firmly. "I can't believe we're sitting here discussing kidnapping Ino."
Choji's gaze averted.
Shikamaru glared.
Shisui sighed.
"What makes you so sure this isn't going to exacerbate the whole situation? How hell do you know this won't set her even further back? That it won't–"
"Itachi," greeted Shisui cheerily suddenly.
Suspicion shone in his eyes, as did uncertainty and Sakura wondered if the others were able to read his emotions as easily as she could. It seemed Shisui could, but he dismissed the questions directed at them, continuing to sip his drink. Or perhaps he was dismissed because, as she turned fully, Sakura discovered Itachi was standing directly behind her, letting them all know that he was there to see her, not any of them?
Then, stunning them all, he held out his hand.
"Would you like to dance?"
Her heart stopped. She felt her breathing catch. What the hell did he think he was doing?
"Sasuke is currently dancing with our mother, but wishes to end said dance without upsetting her."
…Oh.
He was using her as a means to an end.
"Go, Sakura-chan," Shisui encouraged, already standing to move her stool out of the way, ushering her gently with a hand to her lower back. "Although, may I suggest something?"
She looked up at him, frowning. "What is it?"
"Leave him stewing for a few songs," he said with a wink. "Always stay in sight, but not close enough for him to reach you without making it obvious."
There was no stopping her laughter, as reluctant as it was. He'd always enjoyed mercilessly teasing his younger cousin. She shouldn't have expected anything less from him in that moment.
The laughter was short lived upon noticing Itachi's hand still waiting for hers and it was hesitantly that she took it, unable to look him in the eye as he guided her out onto the dancefloor, effortlessly intermingling into the crowd of couples.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Sasuke dancing with his mother, spinning her around the dancefloor, her wide smile impossible to miss. It warmed her heart seeing such enjoyment on both their faces, the sight so unfairly rare. Sakura honestly couldn't think of two people who deserved happiness more.
Refraining from sighing or showing her sadness, she glanced upwards, admiring the warm white lights glittering above them. They were attached from one spot to another, from the extravagant marquee to the DJ booth, from the food stalls to random pillars erected around the garden, the fairy lights twinkling against the darkening sky, undeniably creating a more romantic atmosphere (and she couldn't decide whether she appreciated it or not in that moment). Had she still been buzzed, they would have looked like stars.
"Is this really okay?" she couldn't help but ask when Itachi found a spot he liked, gently turning her to face him. Finally daring to risk it, Sakura looked him in the eye, heart stuttering, the world unexplainably becoming a blur around them at her next word, at his next movement. "Us?"
His arm came around her waist, bringing her closer yet maintaining that careful, respectful distance that threatened to drive her insane almost instantaneously. "Is there an 'us' to discuss?"
Yes, there was, she wanted to argue hotly. As long as they had feelings towards one another, as long as they had those thoughts about one another, then there would always be an 'us' with them. Kissing each other the way they had proved that. It had felt like years worth of built up tension had finally exploded between them, consuming them both. It was such a terrifying rush.
The hold on her hand was readjusted and Sakura did all she could to ignore the traitorous thumping of her heart when he held her gaze, beginning a slow, somehow tender step touch dance, guiding her backwards, following her closely.
"Sakura?"
"You know there is," she accused quietly, eyes scanning the dancefloor and easily picking out Sasuke and Mikoto once more. Too busy making his mother's night with his undivided attention and dancing, he failed to notice them right next to him. "Unless you don't agree?"
Itachi spun them once more, diverting her attention away from Sasuke, their backs almost brushing as they passed, like some kind of cruel symbolism. For a few seconds, Itachi didn't answer her, his gaze focusing on his younger brother until it met hers, his frown minute.
Stunning her momentarily, he took a step back, taking them away from Sasuke.
"No, I agree," Itachi murmured with a sigh, looking down at her.
Her feet carefully copied his and it didn't take long for her to fall into his pattern, allowing Itachi to effortlessly guide them around the dancefloor, even further away from her boyfriend. Occasionally, she would look away, spotting only a few faces she knew, the others stirring blurry memories within her, telling Sakura they were no doubt Uchiha.
Then, her gaze fell on Kurotsuchi, who was laughing with Deidara and Kisame, hip cocking to the side as she shifted from one foot to the other.
Her chest gave a painful squeeze.
"Are you going home with her?" Sakura demanded before she could stop herself, though certainly didn't regret it.
"Kurotsuchi-san?"
"There's more?" she asked rhetorically, snorting.
He sighed at that, spinning her under his arm. Instead of allowing her into the arms of another as many others did so during the song change, however, he brought her closer once more, taking a step back.
"Well?" she demanded when nothing was said. "Are you going home with Kurotsuchi-san?"
"Would it bother you if I did?"
"Yes-" Sakura cut herself off with a sharp intake of breath, horrified at her own confession. She looked away, unable to look him in the eye as she eventually and reluctantly admitted, "It shouldn't, but yes. It bothers me. The thought of you being with her bothers me."
What he was doing was wrong. Whether it was his using Kurotsuchi to rid them of any suspicion and in turn, leading her on knowing how she felt about him, or his dating Kurotsuchi because he liked her and kissing Sakura because he liked her too. But Sakura knew he was not entirely to blame. She had just as big a part in the mess they had created. If anything, she was worse.
Proof of her wrongdoing was their dancing. Their dance served as a way to tease her mercilessly, the threatening of his touching her making Sakura's heart pound away in her chest, only increasing in pace when her leg nearly brushed against his as they took a step to the side. It shouldn't have made her feel such a way, but it did. Their hands clasped together shouldn't have her feeling warm on the inside, but it did. His hand on her waist shouldn't have caused that pit in her stomach to rage with hotness suddenly, but it did.
Gods, her nerves couldn't handle Uchiha Itachi and the feelings he evoked within her.
"As does your being with my brother." At her withering glare, both at the weak diversion and the ache it caused her, he murmured, "No, I do not plan on going home with Kurotsuchi-san."
"Have you told her that?"
"Many times." He sighed again. "She appears to like a challenge."
Her stomach twisted with unease and she tried to find the dark-haired woman, only to offer a smile when she caught Sasuke's eye. It only lasted a brief moment, though, as his attention returned to Mikoto, who then gave Sakura a smile, too. She wondered if they were talking about her, especially when Mikoto glanced their way once more while saying something until Itachi had them spinning out of sight.
"Our kiss-"
"Shouldn't have happened," she said firmly, meeting his eye and begging with her expression alone that he didn't continue that sentence. She truly was too weak to hear where it was going. "No matter how badly we wanted it, we should have had more self-control."
"Like we do now?"
Her breath caught when they spun again, Itachi risking them growing impossibly closer in the guise of avoiding another dancing couple, their chests flush, allowing her to feel his breath against her temple, her lips damn near brushing against his neck, before stepping back into their careful distance.
The hand on his shoulder increased its grip briefly and she swallowed, glancing down at the distance between their bodies.
Their so-called self-control was shaky at best and it was breaking her heart witnessing it – witnessing her own infidelity and being powerless to stop it. No matter what she did, no matter how hard to tried to stop thinking about Uchiha Itachi, she couldn't. He refused to go away.
"Do you truly believe I want to hurt my brother?"
Weakly, she shook her head.
"Do you believe we are able to continue as just friends?"
"Do you?"
Sakura looked up in time to see his lips pull up at one corner, his smirk making her stomach warm.
"No," he replied honestly. "I want you too much."
It was the most direct he'd ever been with her and she sucked in a sharp breath, head ducking, hoping more than anything that Itachi didn't see her reaction. Encouraging him was a no-go. It would make her feelings go haywire once more.
What she needed to do was lock the feelings and their memories away – anything and everything that involved Uchiha Itachi had to go.
But could she do it?
While lifting her head to look at him once more, Sakura caught sight of Sasuke, catching his eye when he turned with his mother. A small, content smile was directed her way and she felt her heart clench in response, especially when he began leading the dance towards them. Unknowingly, she noticed, Itachi guided them even closer.
She met Itachi's gaze, refusing to show anything that would encourage their feelings. "Then I stand by what I said earlier today," Sakura told him, ignoring the ache in her bones at the flash of emotion in his eyes. "We can't be friends anymore, Itachi."
"And if that is not what I want?"
"You think I want that?" she questioned softly. She was wary of others hearing them now that they were close to the centre of the dancefloor. Before speaking once more, her hand twitched, tightening its grip momentarily on his. "You've become so important to me – too important. I shouldn't be placing you higher than Sasuke-kun. I shouldn't be wishing to spend more time with you over him. I shouldn't be hurting at the mere thought of you going home with Kurotsuchi-san. I-"
Dark eyes drifted to the side to hide whatever he was feeling, but she didn't follow his line of sight, instead keeping her gaze fixated on his features, hoping to see... She wasn't sure. Seeing his emotions wouldn't make it any easier, would it? "I get that I'm being selfish," she murmured to him and glanced around quickly, trying to spot Sasuke. Luckily for them, he was caught up in spinning Mikoto, smiling at her laughing freely. "The whole I can't have you, but I hate seeing you with anyone else attitude… It's wrong. It's selfish. But I…"
"I understand, Sakura."
"If you go home with Kurotsuchi-san, that's fine," she lied, doing all she could to ignore the powerful squeeze of her chest, the one threatening to crush the life out of her. "If you don't, then that's fine, too. It's not my business – I'm sorry for demanding answers."
"It's okay, Sakura-"
"And I'm sorry for kissing you," she quickly shot out, desperate to have everything off her chest before Sasuke caught up with them. "And for leading you on – because that's what I've been doing and-"
"Sakura," he cut her off more firmly, forcing her to meet his gaze and she felt the traitorous tears scalding her as they filled her eyes. "This – our friendship, or relationship, whichever you choose to describe it – is not based on you leading me on. I don't believe for one moment that you're capable of doing such a thing."
Her expression crumbled. She really didn't deserve his kindness. "But…"
Itachi smiled, but it was a smile that hurt her rather than comforted her, as that look had returned, indicating his sadness and longing. Their conversation was hurting him and it was crushing seeing his pain. "You are my brother's girlfriend." She nodded quickly. "We are both at fault here."
"Which is why you need to move on," Sakura told him despite it killing her on the inside and that feeling only doubled when she heard his breath leave him, his hold on her slackening. "We can never happen, Itachi – won't ever happen. Sasuke-kun is in a really bad place right now and he needs us both to be there for him."
He wasn't looking at her anymore, Sakura realised brokenly. Instead, Itachi's gaze was fixed on something over her shoulder and she knew that it was most likely his family.
"What about you?" he questioned blandly.
Gods, she wished he wouldn't close himself off, but she knew she'd basically asked it of him.
Looking back to her, he asked, "What if Sasuke never changes? What happens when he inevitably hurts you again?"
The voice that used to scream that that wasn't possible, that her dear Sasuke-kun would get better for her, would come back with a vengeance and sweep her off her feet, proving the whole world wrong, was nothing more than a broken whisper in the back of her mind.
It only grew quieter, sounding more battle weary, at his expression when Sakura told him, "I believe he can."
Their dance stopped, his hold on her disappearing as Itachi spun her out, allowing her into the arms of another.
A/N - Not the original chapter 19, as that was lost when my partner's computer broke (along with the plan), but I have to say I really like this chapter now that I've read through it a couple of times. At first, I was too upset with losing the original to really care much for what I was writing and only read bits and pieces of this chapter, but yeah. I'm rambling. I guess I should apologise because now there's this waffling essay of gratitude. Sorry!
Btw, I recommend you all listen to Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish for this chapter! It's what inspired it.
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