Chapter 23: Harsh Truth
"Promise?" Hawks asks, staring at Jean.
A smile crosses Jean's lips along with a laugh. "Yes, Hawks, I promise, but it won't be easy and it will take time."
"Yeah, yeah, you seem to forget that I'm a professional. A 2nd ranked hero. Number one with my fans thank you very much. There nothing this bird can't do and I'll be able-"
"-Able to hold still so I don't have to keep changing these wrappings?"
Hawks glances towards the door to see Hank walking into the room. The beast-man smiles and waves.
Hawks puffs out his cheeks and huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. Everyone in the room laughs at the pro hero's reaction.
"Well, I think we better leave these guys to it, then. What do you say, Jean?" Professor X asks, gesturing to the door.
"Yes, that's a good idea, we don't want Hawks to keep reopening his wounds on our account." Jean teases as they head towards the door. "Thanks for taking care of him, Hank. I'll come back tomorrow."
"I'm glad to see your up and more coherent," Hank says, shifting the glasses on his face while gathering medical supplies.
"Are you impressed with how quickly I'm healing. I'm one tough bird, right?!" Hawks smiles at the blue-beast-man.
Hank sets the supplies on the bed stand and begins undressing Hawks' wounds.
"Not really. If I didn't know any better, I would think you are trying to make this your permanent nest the way you keep self-sabotaging with your stubbornness."
Hawks shifts to the end of the bed, draping his legs over the side. "Why is everyone up in my feathers today?"
"We're not all 'up in your feathers.' We care about you and are sick of seeing you hurt. For as alert as you are, you really are quite naive." Hank responds, keeping his eyes fixed on the removal of Hawks' bandages, anxious to see what lies beneath them.
Hawks, taken off guard by Hank's bluntness, follows Hank's intense stare down to Hawks' now bare wounds on his arms. Hawks' heart sinks. If this is what my arms look like, what does the rest of me look like?
Hank let's out a long sigh as he removes the bandages from Hawks' backs. Hawks looks over at the blood soaked dressing. "Uhhh, how's everything looking back there?" Hawks asks nervously.
Hank, starring at Hawks' raw and blistered back, sighs. "You're healing more slowly than I was hoping. Your wings are healing and there are signs of feather regrowth, but it's not looking great. What's your pain level?"
"OW!" Hawks yelps as Hank's hand glazes over his raw back. "I guess an eight unless you pull that asshole move again! Why did you do that?"
"I did it because I'm trying to help you. I wasn't trying hurt you Hawks."
Hawks drops his head just in time to see a damaged feather, freshly plucked from his back, floating to the ground, as burned, ruffled and lifeless as the hope inside him.
"Sorry, Hank. I didn't mean to overreact."
"I know you're frustrated, Hawks. We all are. We want you healed just as badly as you want to be healed. I mean, jeez, look at how many visitors you have gotten in just the four days you've been awake! I've never seen anyone get this many visitors."
Hawks, sighs "yeah, I've had a lot of company, but I miss actually being with them." Hank glances up meeting the injured hero's gaze, noticing a regained light in Hawks' eyes.
"I've just never had this kind of care before, it's going to take some getting used to."
"Change of pace is good," Hank says, setting the cloth aside and grabbing the ointment to put on hawks' blistered arms, "whether it's your choice or not. Everyone needs a change every once in awhile."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, you're young. Maybe its time to slow down and enjoy life. My guess- whatever you went through might be a sign you need a break."
Hawks laughs. "That's what they all say, 'Hawks, you're moving too fast. Hawks, slow down. Hawks, you're going to get hurt-'"Hawks' mocking is broken as he looks back down at the wounds on his arms, then back at Hank blankly.
"You have to make a choice. You either trust us or you don't. If you choose to trust us, then listen to us. We only want the best for you. And if you choose you don't trust us... well..."
"Well what?"
"Well, one person's lack of trust can hurt us all. If you don't trust us, you should probably do us all a favor and go back to Japan. We care about you and will always have your back. If that doesn't go both ways, you are a liability to us."
"I- I don't know what to say."
"Well that's a first I've ever seen you speechless. My question isn't hard. Do you trust us or not? Are you willing to put down your ego to join us or are you going to always be a one man show?"
"I don't know how to do life with others. All I know is being a one man show."
"That's a bad excuse that will keep you trapped. Being alone is a choice. What do you choose?"
"I- "
"It's okay, you're not on trial and don't have to answer now. You just need to understand how we X-Men work. If you're not all in -"
"I know, I know, I get it. The last thing I ever want is to be a reason someone else gets hurt. I just don't know how to be on a team. I don't know how to trust others."
"Do you trust me with your wounds?"
"Yes."'
"Then what you just said is bull shit."
"Guilty as charged."
"If you trust me with your wounds, you trust me with your life. If you trust me, you trust the X-Men. If you trust the X-Men, you are an X-Men."
Hawks tries to hold back tears as he stares back into hank's friendly eyes. Is this what it's like to have people who give a damn and want to help me? It feels almost like a family.
"I trust you, Hawks. We all do. You earned our trust when you first came here."
"But I still put you guys in danger when Dabi showed up. Maybe you're right, maybe I'm just a liability. I don't deserve you guys."
"Whoa, whoa, I think you're being a little harsh on yourself. We all have baggage. We were glad to stand with you and still are. Now let's see to your back and get it wrapped back up."
"Wait, can I see it first?"
"Are you sure you want to?"
"I think so..."
"It's not good, Hawks. Once you look you can't unsee it."
"I want to see it. I need to see how bad it is."
Hank set the wrapping down and lets out a sigh. "Alright then," he says, making his way back around. "I'm going to go grab a couple mirrors, meanwhile I want you to attend to your face with the cloth." Hank holds out a newly damp cloth for Hawks to take.
***.****.*****
Hank returns a few minutes later with two standing mirrors under each arm.
Hawks was sitting on the bed, slowly moving the cloth over the burns on his left side of his face. He watches as Hank sets up the two standing mirrors. "Last chance to back down- are you sure you want to see it?"
"Yes. I'm sure. Let me see what that asshole did to me!"
"Well that's the spirit!"
Hawks slams the cloth down and shoots to his feet. His legs buckle underneath him instantly dropping him to the cold hard floor as Hank quickly slides underneath Hawks' shoulder to keep him from falling.
"Easy, buddy. You have been cooped up in that bed for little over a week. Your legs aren't used to supporting your weight yet. Let's not get more injuries from impatience."
Hawks chuckles as he leans into Hank. "That would explain why I'm jello-legged."
Hank smiles lightly and lets Hawks use him as a crutch as they slowly make their to the mirrors.
Hawks' blood runs cold as he approaches the mirrors. A large burn across the left side of his face first comes into focus as he peers back at his almost unrecognizable features.
His eye, swollen shut, was red and filled with puss. He looks again at the burnt patches on his arms as he braces himself for what is coming next.
He takes one final breath, looks back a Hank, closes his good eye and turns around to reveal his back to the mirror. Slowly, he opens his eye and, gasping, quickly closes it again.
All he could see, though, is the split second horrific image that is now forever burned in his memory- his back caked with bloody blisters and his wings, once bright red and full, now dull and lifeless lying behind him.
Hank sighs and removes the mirrors. Looking back at Hawks' closed eyes, there are tears streaming down his face. The young man looks frozen in shock.
"Hawks?" Hank says, "the mirrors are down now. It's just you and me. I'm here and I'm the only thing you will see when you open your eyes. It's okay, we will get you healed. It's just going to take some time. I really am sorry Hawks."
Hawks could hear the voices of the others in his head circling about like vultures.
Are you willing to put down your ego to join us or are you going to always be a one man show?... If you don't trust us, you should probably do us all a favor and go back to Japan.
Whatever ya doin watch yourself.
I'm just saying he needs know he can let others help, and not play hero all on his own.
He was trying to keep us safe.
We care about you and will always have your back. If that doesn't go both ways, you are a liability to us.
"Hawks." Hank's voice cuts through Hawks' thoughts. Hawks slowly opens his eye glancing over towards Hank.
"How about you sit back down."
Hawks nods his head slowly. Using Hank as a crutch they make their way back to the bed.
Hank goes back to work tenderly rewrapping Hawks' wounds.
"Not one for keeping quiet I take it."
"No, I am not. It gets on my nerves. After a while I have to say something and when I do, I keep talking and talking. Drives others crazy at times, because I never stop or they don't get a word in edgewise with me around. Truth, it's just how I roll. Some people don't understand others just let me talk and talk. I even interrupted others when they are talking-"
"-Hawks, you're kinda having one-sided conversation right now." Hank says, causing the wing hero to smile sheepishly at him.
"Oh, yeah, that happens a lot. Endeavor pointed that out when we talked once he told me to 'shut up' and— I'm doing it again aren't I?"
"It's good hearing you talk like yourself again, Hawks, though you should limit your long conversations. Your vocal cords and throat were damaged pretty badly from the flames and smoke. Give them a break for couple hours every day for the next two weeks. If you do this, your voice should be recovered by the end of those two weeks." Hank ties the bandages off, fixing a sharp stare at Hawks.
Hawks shifts rubbing his eye as Hank walks over. "How, about you get some rest. You look like you need it." he says as Hawks nods and yawns.
"Okay.."
Hank smiles and helps Hawks find a comfortable laying position. "Thanks Hank."
The blue beast-man smiles. "You're welcome, I'll have someone bring you by some food later." He says walking over to pick up the mirrors. Bidding Hawks goodbye, Hank leaves the room.