Chapter 21 – Reap What You Sow

"What was the surprise?"

It was the seventh time Sasuke had tried to fill the silence. No, she hadn't ignored all other attempts, but Sakura was aware that her halfhearted responses were severely lacking. He may as well have been talking to a brick wall.

"This," she mumbled and held out her hand, feeling vaguely surprised that she still had it, more so that she'd forgotten she'd been holding onto it so desperately.

He looked down at her, eyes widening slightly. "Is that…?"

"The key to your family's beach house," Sakura told him with a sigh, focus trained on the night sky. "I've arranged for us to spend our anniversary weekend there."

"Sakura…"

She felt drained. Utterly exhausted. Honestly, she would have gone home, but she didn't feel like she was in any state to drive and Sasuke most definitely wasn't – he'd had way too much to drink. So, for a few hours, they were stuck. Either until he sobered up, or until she wasn't lost in her own head.

It was a good thing she brought the tent, Sakura thought sulkily to herself, even if it wasn't for romance like she'd originally thought it to be. No, she hadn't planned on giving herself to him and she wasn't sure how far they would've gone, if anywhere at all, but they would've spent time together. They would've talked without restraint. Cuddled. Possibly made out.

"I never told you because Ino is your friend. I didn't want it to hurt you."

Didn't want it to hurt her? She snorted. "It would have hurt less if you told me as soon as it happened."

"Would it?" He sounded disbelieving.

Her eyes narrowed. "I would've lost Ino either way. You, on the other hand, have made it look like you wanted her attention."

"You think I liked that?" demanded Sasuke.

"You didn't block her-"

"Because that would make you suspicious," he snapped. "If our genders were reversed, would it be as bad?" Sasuke questioned her, the tightness of his eyes signifying his growing annoyance. "Or would it finally be classed as harassment?"

Harassment.

The word took her breath away, leaving her to stare at Sasuke with widening eyes, because he had a point – a point so sharp it felt like it punctured her heart. Had she been on the receiving end of the barrages of messages, it would have been classed as sexual harassment. That was without even bringing the pictures into it, too.

Turning up at his place wasted and clad in nothing but a bikini, constantly draping herself all over him, flashing Sasuke those coy smiles and glimpses of her cleavage, her tone of voice when talking to him and now the messages and pictures. If their genders were reversed, had Sasuke been the one doing such things, he would instantly be labelled as a predator, rather than a nuisance.

She swallowed, hoping foolishly that it would force down her heartbreak.

"You know me better than anyone," Sasuke continued in a low mutter, his voice bordering on a growl. "You know I can't stand that kind of attention."

He was too much of a prude. For the longest time, he'd shied away from merely holding her hand in front of others. It wasn't until recently that they'd began exploring their sexual needs and wants.

"Just because I'm a guy, it doesn't mean I like that shit."

No, it didn't. "But… why wouldn't you delete the messages?"

"I would rather have the proof there, to show that I never encouraged her behaviour."

Her boyfriend was a suspicious guy – no, not suspicious. Paranoid, maybe? Was that the better word to use? Either way, Sakura knew that he would have been experiencing some form of paranoid thoughts, overthinking absolutely everything, coming up with endless possibilities as to what could happen should he make a single mistake.

Had he seen this outcome already? Sakura wondered, watching him. Even if he had, his reaction and body language now was much too raw to be faked. Sasuke was in genuine pain. But how was she supposed to know whether he went back to those vulgar messages? How did she believe him when he said he felt nothing for those tasteless photographs?

Altogether, as of that night, Ino had sent five nudes. Five. And no two pictures were ever the same – she sent him pictures of her bent over and looking over her shoulder at the camera (camera no doubt on a timer and placed somewhere), of her splayed out on the bed with her hands… playing, a close up of her features and breasts with a come hither expression, another of her in the shower with her head tilted back, hands in her hair, body arching and causing her breasts to push out further, her hourglass figure seemingly flawless and finally (and by far the worst), was of her sleeping with a faceless, pale, dark haired guy, his physique close to mirroring but not quite Sasuke's, her expression contorting with pure pleasure.

Had Sasuke felt anything for them? Was he attracted to Ino?

"You checked her out in front of me," Sakura whispered brokenly, no matter how hard she tried to seem stronger. "Several times."

"I know," Sasuke replied just as quietly. "And I never apologised properly for that."

No, he hadn't. They'd been too pissed with each other and by the time everything had calmed down, they both brushed it off. Both of them. That meant she hadn't apologised for kicking him, either.

"You're attracted to her."

Sasuke leaned forward somewhat, unfolding himself, his frown at her accusation deepening. "No. Shit, Sakura. I…"

"You?" she pushed.

"I don't know," he said irritably – irritated towards himself, Sakura noticed after a few beats of silence. Briefly, he leaned back, looking away like he was considering something important, before he was reaching out for her, cupping her face. "But what I do know is that I have never felt this way about someone, Sakura. Attraction – if that's what I felt – is fleeting. This… My love for you isn't."

Why did it take something bad happening for him to open up in such a humongous way? Sakura watched him tearfully, wondering the validity behind his words, trying to wonder if she would ever feel one hundred percent about the things he said. If it always came after a fight or whatever, then could she really trust him? How was she supposed to know whether he was lying just to butter her up? Knowing that she was a hopeless romantic?

"You've felt attraction for another," he murmured, frowning. "I know you have."

She couldn't look at him suddenly, gaze falling to his chest, watching his heavier than usual breathing. Was he scared? "I…"

"Sakura, I was there," he said in defeat, sighing but never letting go of her. "I saw you dance with my brother at the photoshoot."

Fear shot through her, the tears in her eyes freezing, breath catching.

"You were attracted to him."

It wasn't said as an accusation. No, Sasuke was too accepting of his words, like he'd come to terms with them and Sakura replayed their conversation from that day in her mind, the one where he'd opened his heart to her and expressed that he wasn't okay with it.

"I don't want to be the kind of boyfriend who refuses to allow you to do something you love or enjoy," he began slowly and frowned again, staring at their joined hands. "But… I told you I would be more open with you. Our relationship isn't going to improve unless we're honest about what's bothering us." He sighed, finally meeting her gaze. "I didn't like today."

There it was. The communication they'd promised to work on. He was finally letting her in. "I know, Sasuke-kun," she replied. Giving his hand a squeeze, she told him, "And I can assure you now, that I will never take part in another photoshoot like this. It was uncomfortable for me, too."

Relief. It was so clear in his eyes. "I hated seeing you with Itachi like that," Sasuke admitted, like the door was open now and he couldn't stop the confessions. "I stopped watching when you were dancing."

Was now the best time to open up to him about it? About everything? The door in her mind rattled for the first time in a while and Sakura felt her heart give an uncomfortable squeeze.

"…I did," she whispered.

How did she continue that sentence? How did she explain to him that it had gone much, much further than mere attraction?

Why was it mere attraction when it was her experiencing it, compared to earth-shatteringly unforgivable when Sasuke did?

Double standards were a bitch, Sakura decided after a moment.

"I… I get it," he eventually managed to say, seemingly struggling to find the right words as his voice trailed off once more. "The photoshoot asked a lot of you both."

Gods, what the hell was she doing? Why couldn't she find the words to confess to Sasuke what she'd done? Why did it feel like she was slowly being paralysed by her own damn thoughts?

"I'm okay with it," Sasuke added, voice even quieter. "And not because I'm trying to guilt you into forgiving me. Lately, I've been…" He grimaced, his body language as he pulled away once more reminding her that opening up in such a way was still new to him. "I've been horrible to you – Itachi's like my opposite. He's kind and gentle. He's…" Sasuke huffed without amusement, glaring up at the night sky with tight eyes. "He's everything I want to be for you."

How much did Sasuke know? Sakura bit her lip worriedly, wanting nothing more than to ask him why he was saying such things.

Like he could sense her thoughts, he looked back to her, admitting, "Seeing how he acted with that woman tonight made me think and I compared it to how I've been viewing my parents' relationship."

"You idolised your father, Sasuke-kun," she croaked in his defence.

"I idolised Itachi more."

And he'd left him behind, leaving him to deal with their parents' toxic marriage alone. Had Sasuke even witnessed the brutality before Itachi left? Sakura didn't want to find out. If he hadn't, if he was left alone to find out in the harshest way possible, with no way of escaping and unable to understand what the hell was happening all of a sudden, what did that make Itachi?

Suddenly, she viewed his mixed feelings towards his brother in a new light.

While Sakura knew – even if he would never admit it – that Sasuke envied Itachi, it wasn't the main cause to him disliking him at times, was it? What if it was because he'd been left behind? What if it was because there'd been no warning? What if it was because he'd had to deal with the stress of finding it all out alone? That everything he'd ever thought to be real, was a lie?

"I need to be more like Itachi," he said suddenly. "He's the type of guy you deserve, Sakura."

The words shot straight through her heart, like an invisible arrow getting stuck there, embedded deeply and Sasuke tugged on it, trying to pull it free, unknowingly ripping her heart open in the process.

"Don't say that." There was no volume to her voice, but there was a weight, one that was impossible for Sasuke to miss.

"Why?"

"Because I…" She shook her head. "Because I love you not him."

"But he's-"

"Not you," Sakura said firmly.

Gods, what the hell was she doing to him? To plant such a vicious doubt in his mind, to make him feel so inferior to his brother, was unforgivable. She was the worst kind of person.

"Sakura-"

"No, stop it. Now," she ordered and sat up straighter, glaring at him. "Yes, you're not Itachi, but I'm fine with that – I'm happy about that. You're Sasuke-kun. You're your own person and you're finding your way, just like the rest of us."

He shook his head, distancing himself as he sat back. "I keep hurting you-"

"What makes you so sure Itachi doesn't make mistakes, too?"

"Because he's…"

"Because he's what?" she pushed, all but demanded. When there was no answer, she growled, realising he was shutting her out. "Don't compare yourself to others, Sasuke-kun. I love you for who you are – the good and the bad parts."

When he remained silent, making it obvious that he was no longer going to discuss it with her, Sakura gritted her teeth and threw herself back onto the ground, green eyes drawn to the stars angrily.

How could she make him see that while he had issues that needed to be dealt with, he was fine the way he was? That she loved him regardless? Gods, how much shit had she been through with him, yet remained by his side throughout it all? Didn't that tell him all he needed to know?

Quietly, she asked, "Do you remember when we were driving to Naruto's place before going to the theme park opening?" Tersely, he nodded. "Do you remember how I got changed in the car?" Again, he nodded, though it was accompanied by a sigh. He probably knew where she was going next. "I was trying to act more like Ino because I felt like that was probably what you wanted, but I know now that it's not. I thought wrong and ended up fighting with you because of it."

"You're not trashy," he said in the same fashion he had that day, though used a different word much to her gratefulness. "It felt wrong having you act it to try and get a reaction out of me."

"How is this any different?" questioned Sakura, tone softer. "How is me trying to be someone I'm not any different from you wishing you could be someone else – or more like someone else?"

When he didn't answer, looking away with a frown, she smiled softly and shuffled closer, hand covering his.

"Please, don't ever feel that way, Sasuke-kun. I don't want you to be anyone else. I want you."

His jaw clenched and he nodded.

She swallowed. "Back to the subject of Ino…" At his frown, she sighed, admitting, "I agreed to this stupid plan to make her go cold turkey."

Sasuke's shock was palpable. "Who?"

"Shikamaru, Choji…" She bit her lip. "Shisui."

"Because of your fight?"

What would he think of her when she told him the real reason why she suddenly agreed to it? "No," Sakura murmured and cleared her throat, knowing she had to toughen up. "I made the choice impulsively – when I saw the messages."

There was no disappointment in his eyes and she wasn't sure if she liked it or not. What she'd done was wrong. Choosing to go along with a plan to force Ino to go sober out of vengeance, because of the want to hurt her back, was wrong, because it was going to hurt her. A lot.

"Just be careful," he replied quietly. "If Ino can be that horrific while drunk, she'll be much worse when forced to sober up."

Yes, she knew that already.

And she was ready for it.

"Sasuke-kun?"

He hummed, head turning to the side to look at her.

"I…" Finding the right words was impossible, her voice trailing off into the darkness of their tent.

How long had they been laying there, waiting for sleep to claim them? It was hard to tell. The awkward tension between them made a minute feel like an hour and she was fairly certain that, soon enough, it would suffocate them.

"After Ino's sober," she stated slowly, frowning. "I want nothing to do with her."

There was another prolonged pause and when Sakura glanced in her boyfriend's direction, she saw his contemplative expression, no doubt trying to find a way of wording his next sentence without upsetting her further.

She sighed and shut her eyes. "Just say it."

"What if it's just the alcohol?" he questioned, shocking her with the level of uncertainty in his voice. "You saw for yourself that it was the past few months, not our entire relationship. It is only recently that she's been so persistent."

Right when her alcohol dependency exploded to new heights. Yes, Sakura had realised that already, but unlike her boyfriend, she also knew that half of the time, Ino still knew exactly what she was doing. Half of the time, she was still capable of making decisions – the alcohol merely boosted her already high confidence and made her more confrontational.

"Maybe it is," she murmured with a shrug. "But I don't know how I can forgive this. I…" Cutting herself off furiously, she took a deep breath, willing the traitorous shake of her voice to disappear. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. "All I see now when I think of her are those pictures and the fact you didn't delete them."

"Sakura-"

Tiredly, Sakura sighed. "No, I get it, Sasuke-kun. I understand. But it still hurts. It's going to take some time."

The last thing she wanted was to be touched, but she didn't say such a thing when Sasuke reached out hesitantly, taking her hand in his. Instead, Sakura kept her eyes shut, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming.

It was with an air of mental exhaustion that they returned to the Uchiha Manor, their bags forgotten about in the car. From the sounds of things, the others were already awake and knowing that it would be rude of them to disappear to their respective rooms in hopes of more sleep, they instead entered the dining area.

Sakura feigned happiness, saying her greetings before seating herself at the table opposite Itachi, unable to meet his eye as the pressure on the door in her mind increased.

He knew something was up, she could tell by the way he watched her momentarily before he glanced in his brother's direction, but fortunately for her, Sasuke was equally secretive as he sat beside her. It was none of his business, anyway, Sakura told herself.

Even if she did miss her friend.

Gods, she was losing everyone as of late, wasn't she? First, she had a fight with her parents (who were still upset with her), then Ino, then Itachi and part of her even felt as though she'd lost Sasuke in a way, too.

"You're back," greeted Mikoto with a strained smile.

What had she had to deal with the night before because of her actions? Sakura didn't want to find out. It made the pain she was in far worse, the weight in her chest making her restless as her knee started bouncing, fists clenching beneath the table. Either Sasuke didn't notice or he pretended not to, but Itachi did, his eyes returning to her.

"How was your evening?" Mikoto asked conversationally, sitting at the bottom of the table. Only briefly did she look to her husband, ensuring he had all needs taken care of, before eating her own breakfast.

"Good," Sakura replied, hoping the strain in her smile wasn't too obvious.

It must have been, because Itachi was once more looking between her and Sasuke.

"After dinner, we will review the rules regarding your staying here."

The cold words did little to ease her discomfort – even Mikoto's encouraging smile didn't help, because Sakura knew that it would be due to Sasuke's 'coming of age'. They would either be given less of a leash, or more. But either way it would be on Fugaku's terms.

It certainly didn't comfort her having him mention it in front of Itachi.

"Speaking of dinner," Mikoto began, though paused, eyes dropping when she met the gaze of her husband. "Sakura-chan, I have a dress I would like you to wear."

Both sons tensed at her words.

"Mother-"

"Thank you, Mikoto-san," Sakura cut the two brothers off. "But-"

"But?"

She just barely hid her flinch at Fugaku's interference, much to the anger of her boyfriend. Under the table, she grabbed his hand, like she was trying to absorb his anger and use it for herself. "But I have clothes of my own. I'm sorry if it seems ungrateful."

"Not at all," Itachi spoke up, but she noticed he wasn't looking her way anymore. His gaze was locked with his father's, the stare down unsettling her further. "You are not a child, so why should you be treated as such?"

"It is hardly treating her like a child," scoffed Fugaku and Sakura had to commend him for not backing down. She certainly would have, had Itachi been staring at her like that. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. "After Haruno's stunt at Sasuke's party-"

"You mean her dress?" Sasuke shocked her by speaking up. "I bought it for her."

No.

What the hell was he doing?

"Sasuke-kun, I-"

"You bought something like that for your girlfriend?"

"It suited her and she felt confident in herself," he muttered, eyes narrowing and he ignored his mother's attempts to break up the disagreement. "Don't take that away from her."

She could only stare up at him in wide eyed disbelief.

"How sentimental," came his disdainful mutter.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Itachi replied.

"You-"

"You're talking to me," Sasuke snarled and he sat forward in his chair, yanking his hand from hers and glaring at his father. "Not him."

"Stop it, please," begged Mikoto.

Sakura frowned over at her worriedly, taking in the sight of her grip on her cutlery and her wide eyes. It was painfully obvious that she feared for the repercussions – not for herself, but for her sons. She didn't want them to be in trouble.

But Sasuke was too wound up. He was too stressed from the night before, so having Fugaku on her back was riling him up further. Sakura knew that she had to calm him down. If she didn't, there was no telling what he'd do. He always made his worst decisions when in a bad mood.

She reached up, intent on touching his face to break his stare down with his father. "Sasuke-kun-"

She wasn't the only one who flinched when he batted her hand away with unnecessary strength, the resounding crack silencing them all.

"Sasuke," his mother gasped after several moments, shaking hand covering her mouth.

Slowly, Sakura lowered her hand, eyes glued to Sasuke's in pained shock when he looked to her, his own wide in horror. Her hand was throbbing – no, more like burning from the connection and as she turned her gaze on it, she found it to be reddening considerably. What seemed to make her pain ten times worse was everyone's eyes on them – no, it was Itachi's eyes on them. But he wasn't exuding the I told you so vibe. No, it was a different kind of emotion. A muted anger that was barely contained, a terrifying darkness, and somehow, that was so much worse.

"This is your influence," he surprised them all by muttering, voice much colder than before.

When Sakura looked up, she found that Itachi was openly glaring at his father, stunning the older man with the intensity of his anger.

"Itachi-"

"Your toxic ways have been forced on Sasuke and now like Mother, Sakura lives in fear. She is miserable."

As he'd stated, fear stabbed at her heart and Sakura looked to Sasuke desperately. "I'm not miserable-"

But he refused to take notice, shoving away from the table and storming out of the room, ignoring her when she also stood, shouting after him. He didn't look back at her. Didn't tell her to follow him. And her heart felt like it was shattering when she heard the front door slam shut, signalling that he'd left the manor entirely.

"Sakura-" Mikoto tried, voice tinged with sadness and understanding.

"Why would you say something like that?" she demanded angrily, gaze clashing with Itachi's. When he refused to answer, she yelled, "What the hell did you say that for?"

"Everyone is walking on eggshells in this house," he replied, but as simply as he said the words, she could tell that he was concerned. Whether that was for her emotional state or Sasuke's was unclear. She didn't care to find out. "I am stating the obvious-"

"Mind your own damn business," she snapped. Her chest was rising and falling quickly, grip on the table tightening. "You have no idea what the hell you're getting involved in!"

Dark eyes narrowed, ignoring his parents. "Don't I?"

She looked away, swallowing hard to try and smother the building panic in her chest and when she pulled away from the table, she found that her hands were trembling. Attempting to mask the anxiety, she wrung them together, taking pitiful, shallow breaths.

"For once, I agree with Haruno."

Oh, shut up, she wanted to scream at the arrogant man. Instead, Sakura kept her back to the family, trying to come up with her next move that wouldn't push Sasuke further away.

A hand came to her shoulder.

"Sakura-chan?"

She looked up to the older woman, tears filling her eyes at the sight of Mikoto's internal agony, her dark eyes shining with her own unshed tears.

"He's not a bad person, Mikoto-san," she tried to reassure her, but the shaking of her voice betrayed her. "He didn't mean it."

Sakura had a feeling that hiding the shaking of her voice wouldn't matter. Even if it hadn't been there, Mikoto wouldn't have been comforted. If anything, her words seemed to cut her deeply, magnifying her pain, making it palpable in the air around them.

"He's stressed. Sasuke-kun made a mistake-"

The sound of Itachi standing cut her off and determinedly, she kept her gaze locked on Mikoto's, ignoring him as he followed Sasuke's example and left.

"H-He…"

"Let us go to the kitchen to calm down," Mikoto said gently, already ushering her towards the kitchen.

Upon entering the room, she tried again, telling her, "He didn't-"

She was silenced by thin arms wrapping around her, the sudden embrace warm and comforting. It was understanding and it had Sakura's tears falling. Mentally, she apologised to Mikoto for surely ruining her lovely blouse as she buried her face in her shoulder, smothering the powerful sob that shook them both.

"Do not," pleaded Mikoto, voice strangled. "Do not make excuses for him."

"He said he wouldn't hurt me again," she whined pitifully into her shoulder.

"He will," she whispered in response, her voice cracking. "Again and again and again until the words hold no meaning anymore, until he no longer looks your way while saying them. Soon enough, there will be no excuses."

No, Sakura refused to believe it. He'd seemed genuinely devastated for being unable to keep his promise to her, his horror burned into her mind, repeating itself.

He truly hadn't meant it.

"I need to find him," Sakura said, pulling away and wiping furiously at her face. "He shouldn't be alone right now."

"Is that really wise?"

"No offence, Mikoto-san, but you don't know him like I do," she told her firmly. "You haven't seen what this does to him."

Before she could leave to start her search, however, Mikoto caught her arm, expression pleading with her to take her words to heart.

"Don't become me, Sakura-chan," she begged. "I love my son dearly and I want nothing more than for him to be happy, but not at the expense of others."

"I keep hurting you."

Panting, Sakura stood behind her boyfriend, barely resisting from planting her hands on her knees and bending over to try and catch her breath. Running was her favourite pastime, but not when she was desperate to find someone and not when she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. It made it so much harder.

"I just promised I'd never do it again and-"

"So what now?" Sakura demanded breathlessly, doing her utmost to ignore the burning of her lungs as she came to stand in front of him.

Fortunately for her, he hadn't been too far from his home and realising he'd left his car behind, Sakura had decided to chance it and ran blindly, her feet following an old path they used to walk when they were younger and had nothing to do.

Whenever they grew bored while sat around the Uchiha Manor, or whenever he was upset, they'd taken to walking blindly around his luxurious neighbourhood (if one could even call it that, given the humongous distance between each home – each mansion had six acres of land or more as a freaking garden). On occasion, they'd not so accidentally strayed onto someone's land, warily staying out of sight until they found somewhere private to hang out. It wasn't anywhere specific; it was literally the first glimpse of privacy that they spotted, so she had had her work cut out for her.

"I don't know."

Finally catching her breath, Sakura crouched before him, expression serious as she forced him to meet her eye and take notice of her. "We're going in circles."

He tried to look away. "I know."

Daringly, despite what had happened earlier, she grabbed his face. "Don't you dare push me away, Uchiha Sasuke."

"He said-"

"That I'm miserable," she finished for him. "What the hell does he know?"

"More than he should."

She refused to be intimidated. "You told him, not me," Sakura lied with surprising ease. "He's going off what you've said-"

"And how you look-"

"That's because we choose to keep our affectionate side private," she told him seriously, eyes narrowing. "Just because we're not all over each other it doesn't mean we're unhappy, does it?"

"…No."

"Nobody is happy one hundred percent of the time," she continued. "Would you rather I faked it? To please everyone else, are we supposed to fake being happy?"

He shook his head.

"I know you didn't mean it," Sakura assured him and slipped out of her crouch, kneeling before him and shuffling closer even though it hurt her knees to do so, the dirt and broken twigs biting into her skin. At the same time, her hands moved, going from holding onto his face to sliding into his hair, keeping their gazes locked. "I don't think you even know what you're doing half the time when you're angry, Sasuke-kun – and no, before you say it, I'm not making excuses for you. I think there really is something wrong."

And, as she'd witnessed in the dining room before he shut them all out and left, that pained horror returned to his features, his eyes shutting mere seconds after tears filled them.

"I'm sorry," he managed to force out, choking on his words. "I'm sorry." Grabbing at her waist, he yanked her forward, burying his face into her chest, his body shaking. "I'm sorry, Sakura."

Her own tears fell at his emotional breakdown, arms wrapping around him comfortingly, securely. "I know."

"I'm sorry," Sasuke told her again, sobbing.

"I know," she whispered brokenly.