Chapter 23 – Can You Feel This?

"I can make you happy."

It was such a bold statement, wasn't it?

What did it even mean to be happy? Originally, she'd believed it to be attention and pretty gifts and always being with the person she loved, but… She had all that and she certainly wasn't happy.

Gods, she'd been an idiot thinking she knew all there was to know about love, hadn't she? While she loved Sasuke with all her heart, she wasn't happy with him and the guilt that realisation evoked was suffocating her. It weighed her down tremendously. But what was she supposed to do? Leave him when he needed her most? When he was struggling?

Sitting back in her seat, Sakura stared out at the darkness, no longer bothering to wipe away her tears. They fell too fast, dripping off her chin and splashing onto her thighs.

Sasuke was spiralling out of control, his flailing limbs threatening to take her down with him and as much as Sakura knew she should duck or dodge said limbs, she just… couldn't. How could she leave him to face such a scary downfall alone?

Her clammy hands squeezed the steering wheel, eyes screwing shut as her forehead dropped to the wheel, as she sucked in a shuddering breath.

Emotionally, perhaps even mentally, the relationship was destroying her – no, the Uchiha family as a whole was destroying her. But for some reason that Sakura couldn't even begin to comprehend, she couldn't leave. The thought of walking away was far scarier than anything Sasuke could potentially do to her, because who was she without him?

Gods, she was so fucking stupid and weak.

"Sakura?"

Cautiously, she stole a glance at her reflection and quickly grabbed her concealer, working on covering the redness under her eyes. It wasn't until it was completely covered that she responded, telling her mother it was safe to enter.

The blonde was reasonably wary, hesitating in the doorway, her frown causing the fine wrinkles on her features to deepen.

"You came in awfully late last night," she commented lightly. It was as though she was trying to make it clear she wouldn't be scolding her – or was perhaps luring her into a false sense of security for the worst scolding she'd ever faced. It was hard to tell after the hellish night of crying she'd experienced. "Where were you?"

Unable to answer, she looked back to her reflection and applied her makeup with more care than necessary. Usually she put the concealer on last, but having her mother see the tell-tale signs of her crying wasn't an option. She'd only pry and make her disapproval known. Sakura wasn't sure if she could handle that.

"Sakura?"

She sighed irritably and tossed her foundation brush back onto the dressing table. "I was driving." Noticing her hesitating once more, Sakura turned on her stool, glaring. "Spit it out already. If you're gonna accuse me of something, just spit it out."

It was obvious her mother was taken aback by the harsh words. Her wide green eyes were glued to hers before they took in the rest of her features, her frown from moments before returning. "You've been crying again."

"What do you want?" she suddenly demanded and stood up, stomping over to her wardrobe.

There was a troubled sigh, but she could tell Mebuki wasn't going to push the matter further. "You have a visitor."

Worry gripped at her heart and she tried her hardest not to let it show. "Sasuke-kun?"

"No," her mother said, lowering her voice considerably. "His brother – Itachi-san."

Shit. Why? Stealing a glance over her shoulder, she found Mebuki watching her suspiciously and it had her insides turning to ice. "What?" she demanded. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Why are you so agitated?" she countered with obvious frustration. "I came to check on you and you're yelling at me."

Why, indeed? Honestly, Sakura wasn't even sure. She couldn't understand why she felt so defensive, or why it tore her up inside knowing her mother was suspicious of her – even just asking where she'd been, how she was feeling made her want to break down. Was that normal? Was it possible that it was simply teenage hormones?

Whatever it was wasn't a concern. Not when she had one of many causes of her heartache waiting for her downstairs.

Sighing, she turned to her wardrobe once more, grabbing a short summer dress since the weather was so fine. Her previous decision of replacing all childish clothing was one she continued to delight in herself with, grateful that she always had a new outfit that looked good.

"Sakura, be careful–"

She breathed in deeply, willing herself to stay calm. "I need to get changed."

"Let me finish," her mother snapped and even though Sakura could feel her anger exploding to new heights, she tried her utmost to remain silent. "You're coming home late, you're fighting with your friends and Sasuke-kun, you quit your job, you're covering up the fact that you're upset!" She looked down at the dress in her hands, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I'm your mother, Sakura. I can see you're in pain. Why won't you talk to me?"

Because she couldn't. Because if she did, everything between her and Sasuke would disappear forever. Because if she told her mother what had happened, she would look at her differently. Because if she opened her mouth, she would become a victim. Because if she did, she ran the risk of losing them.

There were so many reasons why she couldn't talk to her anymore.

"You're making something out of nothing. Get out, Mom."

But she wouldn't. She couldn't leave it alone. "And now you're hanging around his older brother – surely you can see that doesn't look good, Sakura? Is Sasuke-kun okay with–"

"Get out," she screamed without restraint, whirling around to glare at her. It was clear she'd frightened her and part of her felt inexplicable guilt over it, but Sakura couldn't stand to hear any more. "Get out!"

"Oi, what's going on–"

"Stay out of this, Kizashi," snapped Mebuki as she stuck her head out of the door, but there was no denying the shake in her voice. When her mother looked back to her, Sakura felt herself threatening to crumble all over again like the night before. She felt her chest heaving, fists clenching and ruining her beautiful dress as it creased. "You–"

"I don't want to talk about it," she told her, trying and failing to keep her voice lowered. "It has nothing to do with you."

"I'm your mother," came Mebuki's breathless rebuttal, eyes wide. "How the hell can you stand there like that and say it has nothing to do with me?"

Not easily, that was for sure. She felt like she was overheating, like her body was working so damn hard to stay composed that it was sending her into overdrive.

"Because it doesn't," she was screaming again without her consent. It seemed to be her natural reaction to being accused of whatever the hell was going through Mebuki's mind. Or was it her reaction in general? "Just leave me alone, damn it!"

She couldn't stand to be in there anymore. She couldn't be stuck in that room with her mother looming over her, demanding answers that she couldn't give. Briefly, she entertained the thought of flinging herself out of the opened window she caught sight of behind Mebuki, but quickly scratched it out. Not only was it way overdramatic, but it would leave her banged up and in a world of pain. It simply wasn't worth it.

"Not until you answer me!"

Sakura took a step back when her mother walked further into the room, the door that'd been left open calling to her like a siren, telling her to disregard the consequences and run for it. If she did, she would be free of the overwhelming weight on her chest, she would be able to breathe.

And even though she was still wearing her pyjamas, even though she would look insane, Sakura followed the siren's call and rushed for the door. She brushed by her mother without a second thought, bounding down the stairs and nearly knocking both Itachi and her father straight off their feet.

"Sakura–"

She barrelled out of the door, refraining from collapsing against his car as she tried to collect herself, ignoring the nosy neighbours who peered out of their windows curiously, no doubt having heard the argument. Gulping deep breaths of air, Sakura groaned, unable to stop herself from placing her hands on the car and hunching over.

"Sakura."

Gods, why did his voice have to relax her so much? Why did it make her feel like everything would be okay when she knew deep in her heart that it wouldn't be? How the hell was he able to get through to her when she felt like she was lost in her own goddamn chaotic mind?

"Get me out of here." Sakura looked over at him with teary eyes, inwardly apologising for no doubt mucking up his Bentley. "Please, Itachi."

His only response was to unlock the car and open the door for her, sparing a glance over his shoulder at her home. There were no parents standing in the doorway like her heart hoped there would be. No twitching curtains or shadows that told her they were secretly watching. There was no-one.

She was alone.

"All I'm doing lately is crying," Sakura mumbled into her hands.

They were already on the road when Itachi glanced down at her, ordering softly, "Put your seatbelt on."

She ignored him, instead asking, "Why did you come?"

Sighing rather than replying to her question, Itachi pulled over when they were barely even a quarter of a mile away from her house. She flinched when he leaned over her suddenly and he froze, quietly murmuring an apology while he continued buckling her in. Briefly, their eyes met and she couldn't help but frown in response to the sadness in his gaze as he lowered it, focusing on his hands.

"I wanted to check on you after last night," he told her and glanced up again. "I'm concerned about you."

Rightly so, she couldn't help but inwardly groan. There she was, close to yet another freaking breakdown in his car, wearing her pyjamas, makeup only half done, hair yet to be styled–

Itachi still didn't move and she swallowed, unable to look away. The close proximity left her questioning whether she was lightheaded from the previous difficulty breathing, or because of him.

All she could think about was their kiss and the way he'd held her. She recalled how safe and at peace she'd felt in his arms, always so relaxed. The way he protected not only her, but Sasuke, too. Instead of allowing his brother to go against Madara, he shouldered the burden for him, putting himself at risk to keep Sasuke safe while defending her. And even though she'd undoubtedly hurt him by telling him to move on, Itachi remained by her side. He continued to stand by her, supporting her, comforting her. Being there.

Her hand came up and clutched at his shirt to keep him close, eyes shutting when their foreheads came together.

"Sakura…"

No, she wasn't being fair.

Just as her hand released him, Itachi caught it. "Talk to me."

There was nothing she could say that he hadn't already heard or guessed at for himself.

"Please."

Her brows puckered and she still couldn't look at him. "I feel like I've lost myself."

But that felt like the wrong thing to say, because she didn't know who she was prior to the mess, either. She'd always been Uchiha Sasuke's girlfriend, always hung off his arm, always put his needs above all else. Who was she if not that person? Who was she without Sasuke?

He sighed at that and when Sakura opened her eyes, she saw him watching her with an air of melancholy.

But then he offered her a smile – albeit, a tired one. "Would you care to accompany me for a drive? Until you are feeling more like yourself?"

"I can't. Sasuke-kun is–"

"He knows I am here," he assured her, catching the lone tear as it fell. Again, he gave her a faint smile, gesturing to the seat behind them. "Kurotsuchi-san posted the photographs this morning."

They'd arrived? Instead of feeling excited, more guilt landed on her shoulders and she fell back into the seat pitifully.

"She's a good person."

Itachi nodded, no longer able to meet her eye. "I know."

"She didn't deserve any of that."

"I know."

Sighing, she reached for her pocket, only to whine to herself when she felt the reminder of being in her pyjamas. In her rush to leave the suffocating place that was once her family home, she'd left behind her phone. She truly was hopeless.

But maybe leaving behind her phone was a good thing? For a start, there would be no social media. No being bombarded with phone calls or texts demanding to know where she was. Without her phone, she was off the grid. She was able to relax. As naked as she felt without having it in her hands, even as something to merely fidget with during awkward conversations, she would be free – if only for a few hours.

"Let's do it."

He looked back to her, frowning as he sat back in his seat. "Go for a drive?"

Sakura nodded and smiled to him. "I need to get away for a few hours."

Understanding flashed through his eyes, the realisation that Itachi also needed a break from reality damn near crushing her. It reminded her of the night before, when he'd admitted to how many hours he worked, how little sleep he got. The workload was sickening.

"As long as I don't have to get out of the car," she added, chuckling.

He smirked at that, looking to her out of the corner of his eye when he began driving once more, their destination unknown. "Perhaps that would be best. At the very least for your reputation's sake."

There was no stopping her blush as she glanced at the pattern on her shorts, the carrot-eating, toothily smiling bunnies only making it deepen. When she'd updated her wardrobe, she'd thought it unnecessary to do the same for her pyjamas. Nobody ever saw them other than her parents, as Mikoto had bought her appropriate pyjamas for when she stayed over there.

"Dad bought them for me for Christmas," she admitted without needing to and she noticed his smirk widening at her nervousness. "I think it's his way of trying to keep me as his little girl."

"He dotes on you," came his gentle reply, eyes softening. "I noticed it during Sasuke's party."

Yeah, she had too. Whereas her mother had been unbelievably angry at her fight with Ino, her father had been more upset. Of course, he'd been angry at how it all escalated and how she didn't restrain herself and instead allowed the heat of the moment to get the best of her, lowering herself to Ino's level, but… Kizashi had been more worried for her, both at the thought of being harmed and losing a precious friend. At the time, however, all Sakura had seen was anger and disappointment, her mother's emotions overshadowing her father's.

Sakura relaxed further into her seat when they turned onto the back roads, knowing where they were and that nobody would see her any time soon, unless they turned right at the end of the road. If they did, they would be near Naruto's place.

They turned left.

Sitting in silence with Itachi was so different to what it was like with Sasuke. She didn't feel an overwhelming need to fill it. It was so peaceful and natural. Simultaneously, however, it felt as though she had a world of topics to discuss with him, whereas with Sasuke, she often struggled to find something other than working out or Naruto's latest antics to talk about.

Looking to him, she couldn't help but to admire his profile. He was relaxed, one-handing the steering wheel even when they flew over bumps, his speed leaving them suspended for several seconds at a time, leaving her heart racing and stomach churning with the thrill of it all. Part of her worried for the state of his precious car, but she knew that it wasn't an issue for him or his family to have it repaired – or replace it altogether.

She supposed that was one of many things she loved about Sasuke. Whereas the rest of his family splurged money on unnecessary items, he valued what he had. He worked tirelessly on his car to ensure it reached its maximum life expectancy, turning down offers of better models or makes. He prided himself on learning important life skills, even if said life skills meant getting his hands dirty. Although his attitude said differently at times, he wasn't afraid to admit he was no better than anyone else. Despite his high-class elite status, he saw himself as on the same wavelength as everyone else.

After spotting a few warning signs about the presence of animals, Itachi slowed considerably.

"Have you spoken with Yamanaka-san at all?"

"Other than to yell at her for sending those pictures to Sasuke-kun, no. But…" She grimaced. "I kind of agreed to a stupid, barbaric plan of making her go cold turkey."

He glanced her way, stating, not asking, "You are aware of the risks."

"Yeah," she said, sighing. "I agreed in the heat of the moment and now I'm regretting it."

"Can't you back out?"

"Shikamaru's already contacted Shisui, who's contacted your cousin–"

"Shisui is involved?" he questioned with obvious surprise. Then, he added, "I am guessing the cousin is Obito, considering he is married to a doctor." When Sakura nodded and sighed again, Itachi copied her. "While it was an impulsive decision on your part, I feel more confident in the plan due to Shisui's and Rin-san's involvement. No harm will come to Yamanaka-san, Sakura."

She hoped so. The thought of the agonising pain – both physical and mental – Ino was going to go through was enough to make her cringe, because despite everything that had happened between them, she didn't want to hurt her best friend.

"Will you…" Sakura's sentence trailed off and she frowned, biting on her lower lip. Asking something so big of Itachi would be as dangerous as playing with fire, but Sasuke's harsh reaction told her that he was not the person she needed by her side for the duration of the plan. "Will you be there?"

It seemed he had similar thoughts, because Itachi asked, "Of course, but is that a wise choice?"

No. It definitely wasn't. However, Itachi was level-headed and it took a hell of a lot more to evoke an angered response from him than it did Sasuke. "As long as you don't go throwing punches when she calls me names," Sakura said with a smirk.

But Itachi didn't laugh at her words. They made him frown. "I'm sorry for what Madara said about you. It is unforgivable."

Saying she was used to his harsh attitude wouldn't help matters. It would only dampen his mood further. However, brushing the whole thing off wouldn't help either. She knew that they had to talk about what happened – she'd even tried the night before, though was soon overwhelmed by her emotions.

"He's not wrong, is he?" Before Itachi could scold her for talking so badly about herself, she cut him off, shrugging helplessly. "I'm basically cheating on Sasuke-kun with his older brother. He shouldn't trust me."

They were deep into the forest now and Sakura knew from their surroundings that they were on Konoha's border. While they weren't on any highways, it seemed they'd taken a different route to leave their hometown and it equally excited as it did worry her. Part of her wished Itachi never stopped driving. She wanted him to keep going and going and going until they were somewhere where nobody knew of them, where their friends and families had no hopes of reaching them. They would be free.

"Sakura–"

"Everything is such a mess," she told him without restraint, leaning forward in her seat to try and catch his eye. "But even though I know it's going to hurt him, even though I know it's wrong and feel like the worst person in the world, I can't help it. I…"

When she trailed off, Itachi finally looked to her. "You…?"

Wanted him so badly she felt an ache in her bones. Wanted to push him away before things went too far. Wanted to end things with Sasuke. Wanted to make things work with Sasuke. Wanted to walk away from it all without a backwards glance.

But could she really admit to all of that?

"I think I need to stretch my legs."

As always, she was too cowardly.

It was without a word that Itachi pulled over and equally as silently, Sakura got out, grateful that she'd always worn slippers around the house. They obviously weren't as protective as normal shoes, but at least her feet wouldn't get dirty. Also, fortunately for her, it was warm despite their being so deep into the forest.

At the sound of Itachi's door shutting, she folded her arms over her chest and turned, tiredly demanding, "What are we doing, Itachi?"

"I don't know."

He didn't close the distance between them like she longed him to and for that, she was grateful. Having Uchiha Itachi so close to her was risky, for it always caused her mind to wander off into dangerous territory, making her foolishly believe that what they were doing was okay – no, not even that. It stripped her of all rational thought, leaving her to simply act on the emotions he stirred within her.

"We shouldn't be friends, but…" She swept a hand through her hair out of frustration, sighing. "I can't not have you in my life. You mean too much to me."

Itachi leaned back on the hood of his car, silently telling her that her earlier paranoia of dirtying it was ridiculous. Clearly it wasn't an issue of his, like it was his brother's.

"What do you want?"

Unlike last night, she answered honestly, stressing, "You. I want you."

His hands came to the car at his sides, body language peaceful and relaxed. "I will be whatever you need me to be, Sakura."

"But not what I want you to be," came her weary whisper.

"Which is?"

She shook her head, the traitorous wants of her heart enough to make her eyes sting, but she wouldn't cry. Not again. She couldn't keep going around in circles, always succumbing to her emotions and allowing them to consume her. She had to toughen up, had to harden herself.

"Sakura?"

It seemed Itachi hadn't expected her to close the distance between them, her expression no doubt showing how badly she wished she could close it completely, to let the flames that never failed to ignite to grow, to reach their full potential and more.

"No matter what happens between Sasuke-kun and I, we can never be together," she told him sadly. Reaching out, her fingertips grazed his chest, wondering if that was all they would ever have. Fleeting touches and a bordering on painful longing. "Even if it's ten – even twenty – years down the line, even when we're old and grey… This can't happen."

"Shouldn't." Sakura looked up in confusion, heart giving a nervous stutter when he closed his hand around hers, holding it delicately. "This shouldn't happen, but it doesn't mean it can't."

No, it couldn't happen. To allow it to happen – to encourage it – would break Sasuke, throwing him who knows how far into the deep end. He would be lost to them, his anger reaching new heights and destroying them all.

He appeared just as tired as she felt, she noticed suddenly. With her free hand, Sakura reached up, his responding sigh when she cupped his cheek, stroking beneath his eye with her thumb, making her ache for him. How much weight rested on his shoulders? How much had Itachi given up for his family?

His experience in university was not that of an ordinary student – he'd said as much when he first returned home. Rather than enjoying himself and the newfound freedom that came with studying away from home, he'd been holed away either in his bedroom or the library most of the time, doing the seemingly impossible and studying multiple degrees at a time. His life now wasn't all that different.

She tried to ignore it, but even the simple fact that he was controlling himself, refraining from pushing any boundaries, caused that flame within her to grow. Even though there was no skin-to-skin contact, her skin still tingled in a maddening way when he brushed her hair behind her ear, that hand soon falling to her hip.

The attraction between them, the magnetic pull, was growing stronger with each of their interactions, warning Sakura that soon enough, they wouldn't be able to stop themselves. Things were going to escalate and neither of them would put a stop to it. They would be too lost in the moment, completely consumed by just the mere thought of the euphoria that would be awaiting them at the end of it all.

Part of her hoped that it would disappointing, if it did happen. So disappointing that they would never so much as glance in that direction again.

But she knew it wouldn't be.

Sakura could tell just by the ease of his hands slipping to the small of her back, fingers bordering on dangerous territory, that it would be electric. Just the smallest, seemingly innocent of touches set her body alight and left her needing more.

He pulled her closer and she didn't stop him.

Previously, she would have shut her eyes to avoid acknowledging (during the moment) how badly they were both betraying Sasuke. But instead, her eyes remained open and locked with Itachi's, the need in his gaze making her throat grow dry.

She was acutely aware of the fact that beneath her pyjamas, she was not wearing any underwear. It was impossible considering the fact her hardened nipples brushed against his chest with every breath they took – and they took so many, for their breathing was growing shallow.

"Sakura…"

The hand on his cheek moved to his mouth, silencing him. "I never noticed you needed this just as much as I do. You–"

Along with her words, Sakura's breath was stolen from her when Itachi reached down and lifted her and she lost all coherent thoughts as she was settled on the hood of his car, their bodies fitting together so well, so naturally, that it hurt.

"Don't concern yourself with my problems," he murmured softly, nose and lips skimming along her throat and she tipped her head back, eyes shutting. "They do not matter."

Yes, they did, she wanted to argue. But she couldn't. Not when he finally placed a single, hot kiss to her throat, followed by another, then another as he travelled upwards. The feeling of his tongue soon tracing the path he'd made with his kisses had her thighs clenching around his hips and gasping.

"What matters-" he added, pausing to leave a kiss on her jaw. "-is this feeling."

Her body was practically vibrating when his lips pressed to the corner of her mouth, his hand coming to the back of her head, cradling it.

"And how we feel for each other right now, in this moment."

She held back her groan of need when he kissed the other corner, pulling back to smile knowingly at her.

"Wouldn't you agree, Sakura?"

But as always, they were interrupted, the sounds of music growing steadily louder causing them to separate quickly. Itachi ushered her into the car, pausing once he'd shut the door to watch as the other car came into view. Via the mirrors, Sakura watched, her eyes narrowing when it slowed to a crawl, the window opening.

"Car trouble?" the man asked, music being shut off.

"No, just an awful bout of travel sickness," Itachi lied with unsettling ease and Sakura's cheeks burned when the stranger stole a look into the car, her head ducking to avoid his morbid gaze. "Thank you for stopping, though."

Keeping her hair shielding the right side of her face, she glanced around the other side of the car, the sight of the forest surrounding them beautiful as it basked in its mystery. Everything blended in wonderfully, not once piece of it standing out for even the briefest of seconds. Gods, what she wouldn't give for such simplicity.

It wasn't until the car was well and truly out of sight, its booming music resuming and fading away, that Itachi returned to his seat, sparing her a single glance once he was sat down. Then, he reached behind them, taking the manilla folder and holding it out for her, but Sakura found herself unable to accept it, her suddenly tight chest telling her she didn't deserve to see the photographs. A darker part of her even hoped Kurotsuchi had sabotaged them somehow in a moment of blind rage and pettiness.

"Have you looked at them yet?" she asked warily.

He shook his head. "I wanted to wait for you."

Sakura wished she had something to fidget with while Itachi set upon the task of opening the folder, the A4 sized photographs slipping out effortlessly into his awaiting hand. They were face-down, the plain white backs glossy.

Taking a deep breath, she readied herself for some kind of cruel slur to be scrawled over her face, or for there to be a horrific edit, making her seem uglier–

Her breath caught when Itachi flipped the stack, the first photograph causing that tightness in her chest to increase.

She'd done a marvellous job capturing the moment they'd first laid eyes on one another in their wedding costumes – and now that Sakura was openly admitting her feelings for Itachi, she could see them so clearly written all over her features and his.

"W-We need to…" Her hands came together, the force of them wringing causing a few stings on her fingers. "Sasuke-kun can't see those ones."

Nodding in agreement, Itachi placed them on the backseat before showing her the next few, which were of her walk down the aisle and close ups of their features and her bouquet. Deeming those safe to share, they were returned safely to the folder.

The next one was trickier, however. Sakura couldn't decide whether it was okay for Sasuke to see it. They were standing at the altar together, hands joined, eyes locked and smiling lovingly. Would it be possible to lie about it? They couldn't hide every photograph, could they?

The editing was flawless, truly bringing to life the fairy-tale wedding Kurotsuchi had longed to create, but it was her camera angles and directions that really captured the moments.

Sakura's breathing caught at the photograph of their near first kiss, unable to look away from how right it appeared. It seemed so natural, like they didn't have to fake a single second of their time together. Intimacy screamed at them from the way she'd gently grabbed the nape of his neck, their lips tantalisingly close, eyes shut but in no way hiding their longing.

Without needing her to say it, Itachi placed it on the backseat.

The next few were carefully selected and Sakura recalled how torn and upset she'd been by their near-kiss, leading Kurotsuchi to grow frustrated with them. Once they were past the awkward, clearly posed photographs, however, they plunged headfirst into more tension-filled images, the sight of their bodies so close together as they danced on the pier, their gazes never leaving the other's, reminding Sakura of how Sasuke had witnessed that dance. It made her see why it'd hurt him so badly and…

Gods, it was so obvious they were into each other. Or was she merely thinking such a thing because she was now aware of the attraction?

There was no denying that they were beautiful photographs and yes, she certainly felt confident in her appearance seeing it captured in such flattering pictures, but Sakura couldn't enjoy the end results. What she wanted to do was look away, to pretend like none of it ever happened. But her heart begged of her to keep looking, occasionally causing her to murmur a simple "no" whenever she thought they looked too close or too intimate.

It was hard to believe she'd been so excited to see them when all Sakura felt in that moment in time was heartache.

That weekend had changed so much. While their feelings had probably developed earlier, it wasn't until then that they had to face the reality of their situation, the constant close proximity required of them forcing them to see their true feelings. Since then, everything had been such a mess and all the problems with Sasuke that'd once seemed so minuscule were blown up to epic proportions, never allowing her to enjoy even the simplest of moments with him without being racked with nerves.

Before they'd even finished the wedding photo shoot, Sakura put her hand over the collection of pictures, eyes going to the window.

"Just… Decide for yourself which ones we shouldn't share."

There was a frown in his voice when he asked, "You don't like them?"

She loved them. She loved how happy and natural and peaceful they looked together, how it seemed completely real. That was why she couldn't look at them, because she yearned for it to be real. How in the hell was that fair on Sasuke?

"You're shaking, Sakura," Itachi said more seriously, tossing the photographs carelessly onto the backseat. Careful hands took hers, closing over them to try and still the trembling. It didn't cease for a second. "Look at me, please."

Shaking her head, she bit down on her lip, trying and failing to smother her escalating panic.

Anger towards herself shot through Sakura when she flinched at the feeling of one of his hands moving to tilt her face in his direction. Reluctantly, she looked to him, only half-focused on his eyes as he spoke calmly with her, his own gaze quickly taking in her rapid breathing and widened eyes, narrowing when the shaking increased. It got to a stage where she couldn't even hear him anymore. Everything was drowned out by a shrill sound that felt as though it bounced between ears, knocking her off balance even though she was sat down. It was a nauseating feeling. Totally unsettling and terrifying.

Her body jerked forward when Itachi yanked on her hand, bringing it to his chest, over his heart, the feeling of the purposely steady rise and fall holding her attention for a quick moment. But perhaps noticing it wasn't working, she soon felt his arms coming around her, holding her tightly to him, lips pressing to her shoulder comfortingly. It was only then that she noticed she was shaking all over, her world only stabilising because of his embrace.

"Wherever you are, I always make you smile."

The words were sung softly in her ear, though didn't register immediately as Sakura remained lost in her own senses, everything seeming so dull in terms of the world around her, but so devastatingly loud when it came to her own body. It was like she could hear her blood pumping through her veins, the shrill ringing, the fast pace of her heart, the quick, wheezing breaths drowning Itachi out.

"Wherever you are, I'm always by your side."

A hand came to her head, bringing it down over his heart, his arms cradling her and continuing to hold her still and Sakura finally managed to squeeze her impossibly wide eyes shut, releasing what felt like the first trembling breath in the longest time.

"Wherever you are, I never make you cry. Wherever you are, I never say goodbye. Whatever you say, you're always on my mind. I promise you 'forever' right now…"

He was singing to her, she realised belatedly, only just recognising the words. It was the song he'd sung to her during their dance at the wedding photo shoot and while she was certain it would send her careening back to the cause of her stress, it didn't. Somehow, Itachi kept her grounded, her attention slowly being diverted to the measured strokes of her hair, to the careful breaths he took.

"To us, the day we met is the day we should commemorate the most. Then, this day called 'today' is the day we should commemorate the second most."

Presumably sensing that she was gaining a hint of composure, Itachi stopped singing though didn't release her or loosen his hold in the slightest, saying quietly, "I'm here."

Instantly, she noticed that it wasn't "it's okay" or "are you okay" or anything along those lines. No, he told her that he was there. To talk when she was ready, to share what the hell had just happened when she felt up to it – to not talk at all, if that was what she needed or preferred.

So, for the longest time, Sakura stayed there in his comforting embrace. It wasn't until her eyes began to droop, body slumping against his, that she forced herself to retreat from his warmth, tiredly meeting his concerned eyes.

He reached up, wiping beneath her eyes tenderly.

"You're exhausted," murmured Itachi.

She could only nod.

He sighed and asked, "Would you like me to drive you home?"

Her head shook minutely.

"Do you feel up to staying with us?" he questioned with vague worry and wariness. When she glanced to him tiredly, she saw that he was frowning. "With my parents and–"

"Yeah," croaked Sakura, cutting him off from saying his name.

Throughout the drive back into Konoha, to the hell that was Uchiha Manor, she felt his gaze continuously roam her features, but it didn't bother her. It couldn't. Not when she repeatedly dozed off, shortly being woken by Itachi.

He was already at her door, confusing her when he held out the bathrobe she knew was from her bedroom at his home. But instead of questioning him (because at that point, she was wiped out and desperately felt like she needed to sleep), she allowed him to help her into the robe.

"Father is away on business with Madara," she just barely heard him say.

"Itachi? What's wrong with Sakura-chan?"

"Forgive me, Mother, but I will speak with you once I have taken Sakura to her room."

"What happened?"

The new voice caused her to stop in her tracks and the hands on her tensed in response, like Itachi wanted nothing more than force her to continue moving, to keep her away from him.

"Sakura-chan?"

Naruto.

It was Naruto.

Features scrunching up, the second she met his startled blue eyes, she felt herself crumbling and was so extremely grateful when he immediately came rushing to her, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her close.

"What are you doing in your pyjamas?" he questioned her, chuckling without any real humour. She felt him ushering her towards the stairs, hands lingering on her to make sure she didn't fall. "You're not cracking up, are you?"

Yes. She was. Spectacularly, too.

"C'mon," Naruto went on to say. "Mikoto-oba said she'll bring you some tea."

They were soon in her bedroom and Sakura felt relief overwhelm her when she lowered herself to her bed, head hitting the pillow with a thud. She felt more than saw Naruto sitting himself at the edge of the bed, probably wary of overcrowding her for the first time ever.

"Were the pictures bad, or something?" he asked unsurely. It seemed he was trying to tread carefully, trying to figure out what subjects were safest to discuss. "Itachi told Sasuke they arrived earlier and he wanted to show them to you."

"Everything's such a mess," she whispered brokenly.

"What do you mean, everything's a mess?" came his worried response. "Sakura-chan?"

"E-Everything. Everything with… with…"

He frowned at that and leaned closer but tensed when they heard the top step of the stairs creak, telling them that someone was approaching. Sitting back, he glanced in the direction of the opened door, waiting until it was pushed open further, the sight of her boyfriend entering with a cup of tea making her bite down hard on her lip to keep in control of her emotions.

Sasuke's eyes were downcast when he entered further into the room, placing the tea down on the bedside table. Awkwardly, they all remained in silence for a few moments longer until he looked to Naruto pointedly, telling him without words to get out.

But instead of doing so, Naruto continued to sit by her side, frowning.

"Naruto–"

"You can't expect me to leave her alone when she's like this," he argued. Hand coming to hers, he held tight, although his frown deepened when he felt the coldness of her skin. "Look at her, Sasuke."

"I am," muttered Sasuke in response and she felt herself shiver in response to the darkness in his voice. "That's why–"

"Drop the attitude," Naruto warned and stood up, uncaring that he invaded Sasuke's personal space when doing so. Glaring down at him, he said, "Sakura-chan wants me here – she's my best friend. Like hell I'll let anyone chase me away when she needs me. Not even you, Sasuke."

Her boyfriend looked to her in disbelief. "Sakura."

The bed sheets were tangled in her grip when she slowly clenched her fists, breathing out shakily.

"Please," he tried again, more softly this time as he took in her state, taking the blond by surprise. "What happened?"

There was obvious gentleness in his movements as he stepped around Naruto, slowly, almost cautiously, sitting beside her on the bed, much closer than the blond had been.

"Sakura. Please."

"Sakura-chan?"

"I-I felt like my chest…" She swallowed hard. "It was gonna explode."

"It was a panic attack."

The new voice caused Sasuke and Naruto to turn, but as she'd kind of expected him to linger, Sakura was not surprised when Itachi spoke up, leaning against the door frame with a guarded expression.

"Sakura-chan," murmured Naruto when he spun to face her, expression falling. "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling like that?"

"It's not as simple as that," Itachi murmured and stepped further into the room, handing over a cool, damp cloth. Unsurely, Sasuke accepted it, frowning as he brushed the hair from her forehead and placed it there. Sakura shut her eyes. "Sakura has been surrounded by conflict and confrontation for a while now. It is bound to wear down on her."

There'd been the fight with her former manager. Her parents. Ino. Fugaku. Madara. Sasuke. Kurotsuchi. Her parents again. In a way, she'd also confronted Itachi – or, at least, their feelings. It was draining her.

"We went for a drive after Sakura argued with her mother," continued Itachi, gesturing to her. "That is the reason why she is still in her pyjamas."

Gods, why did part of her relax when Sasuke took her hand? Why the hell couldn't she make up her damn mind? Was she scared of him or in love with him? Were the two always going to be tangled together? It confused her to no end.

"It must have become too much for her to handle – when we were looking through the photographs, Sakura started panicking. We came home once she had calmed down."

When she opened her eyes, she saw guilt flash through Sasuke's, his gaze moving away from hers.

In response to his pain, her hand relaxed and fingers spread, allowing his to entwine with hers.

"How long did it take for her to calm down?" asked Naruto.

"Roughly fifteen minutes."

That long? It'd happened so fast – it felt like it lasted only minutes, if that. Had she blacked out? Why couldn't she remember the full fifteen minutes of hell, or was that normal?

"We're here now," said Naruto suddenly and he sat down on her other side, hand bravely coming to her hip. "It'll be okay, Sakura-chan, I promise – you know I never go back on my word."

Her eyes shut again, fighting back the tears.

"Perhaps it would be best to let Sakura-chan rest," came the calm voice of Uchiha Mikoto. She was standing in the doorway, Sakura found when she looked up, looking as radiant as ever. "She will come to you when she is ready."

Itachi left first, nodding once in agreement and he was shortly followed by Naruto, who gave her a gentle squeeze before leaving. Sasuke lingered, however.

It stunned her when Mikoto frowned faintly. "Sasuke. Allow Sakura-chan to rest."

"But–"

"Out. Now."

Apparently, it also surprised Sasuke to hear such a serious tone to his mother's voice, the warning clear to them both.

So, reluctantly and in a state of shock, he nodded and accepted his orders, leaving her alone.

And when the door shut and she was truly alone, Sakura found she could finally breathe easily, exhaustion finally taking over.

A/N - Thank you everyone who has expressed their concerns, both through reviews and PMs. I really do appreciate it.

I went to the doctors and have finally (after a whole freaking year) been referred for bereavement counselling. I missed a single phone call due to driving and not wanting to use my phone and the mental health team my health visitor originally referred me to (as I was still within the year of having my son) took me off their waiting lists, saying I no longer needed their services. It's safe to say she's fuming with them, since this isn't the first time they've done this to me and she's been continuously getting me to fill out mood charts and says my moods are a cause for concern. My doctor has seen her notes and was talking about some tests to see if it's more than just depression, as it's been on and off since I was 15/16.

I can't even remember what story it was where I talked about my mum's anniversary (TSOYH maybe?), but just to update those of you who saw that note: I did spend the anniversary alone, but my partner, brother-in-law, his boyfriend and my partner's aunty and her boyfriend came over a few days after for a night of food, drinking and games. It went pretty well, I think.