A/N - I am so, so sorry to those who were affected by last chapter's description on panic attacks. I completely and inexcusably forgot about trigger warnings. From now, I'll make sure to use them.
Trigger warnings: references to suicide, panic attacks and sexual assault.
Chapter 26 – I'll Only Hurt You If You Let Me
They'd decided to take turns in watching over Ino, though for the first night, they all remained at Obito and Rin's home, undoubtedly getting on their nerves by overcrowding the couple in their own home. They never said a word about it, though and she commended them for the comforting hospitality despite the invasion.
While sobering up, Ino vehemently refused to talk to anyone. Instead, she glared and snarled and outright ignored them. If they left water or food on the dresser for her, then it would still be there when they returned, completely untouched.
Sitting outside Ino's temporary bedroom, Sakura relaxed against the wall, head falling into her hands.
There were so many questions she wanted to ask her. Such a strong need to demand what the hell was going through that head of hers regarding so many different things. Then, there was the anger. The anger that made her want to storm into the bedroom and beat the sense back into her for hurting her own mother so maliciously.
But instead of doing any of that, Sakura remained outside and torn, unable to decide what she wanted.
While she wanted her answers, what if it was too much for her to handle? What if something had happened between Sasuke and Ino? Would she even have the right to leave him or be angry, considering her feelings for Itachi and her inability to stay away from him? After already promising to move on from it all, would it seem cold-hearted of her to walk away if they had slept together? Would she even walk away?
Sakura took a deep breath and allowed her knees to come up to her chest, forehead pressing to them without a second thought for how pitiful she would look.
Sasuke had promised her nothing happened between them and she was inclined to believe him due to his disliking of sexual attention. It took the longest time for him to open up to her in such a way and still, they ran into issues with what he was comfortable with – like the incident at the party, where she'd tried to kiss him only for Sasuke to reject her in front of everyone. He hadn't felt comfortable then and she'd failed miserably to read his cues. If he was uneasy kissing his girlfriend of five years in front of people, then how the hell was he supposed to feel comfortable sleeping with said girlfriend's train wreck of a best friend?
As upsetting as it was to consider it: if Sasuke was going to cheat, Sakura knew it wouldn't be with Ino. With her drunkenness and inability to keep her damn mouth shut, she was too likely to boast about it all and have the affair revealed. Hell, with the way she was spiralling, she probably would've revealed it herself just for the drama.
The sound of someone sighing had Sakura looking up helplessly, dimples forming in her chin when Shisui sat opposite her in the cramped hallway. Unlike herself, who was perfectly content with sitting in such a crumpled-up position, Shisui was unable to and had to stretch out his legs, allowing them to come to either side of her like he was caging her in, his feet almost touching the other wall.
"I was hard on you earlier." Sakura nodded, gaze dropping to the little space between them. "Instead of isolating you further by being so preachy, I should have made myself more open so that you know you can come to me." When she remained silent, it prompted him to say with a nudge of his foot to her hip, "Because you can, you know. You can talk to me about it."
Could she? When he already admitted to being so hard on her about it all? How was she supposed to feel comfortable with opening her heart to him in such a massive way, leaving herself so open and vulnerable to harsh questions that she just couldn't answer? What if he judged her? Was she able to handle it? Sakura didn't think she was.
Just as she opened her mouth, not really knowing what the hell she was actually thinking of saying, he asked without warning, "Do you believe there's any truth to her words?"
Sakura sucked in a sharp breath, thankful that her chest was clear of pains because she truly didn't believe she was able to handle another panic attack. Not so soon after the last, anyway. "Between Ino and Sasuke-kun?" Shisui nodded once and she felt her stomach plummet. "I… don't know."
Something saddened in his gaze. "There was a time when everyone's answer would have been so certain."
Yes, there was. It killed her a little inside knowing that Sasuke had slipped away from them in such a silent way, leaving them all to wonder when the hell it'd happened or how.
"Do you want my honest opinion?"
Not really.
For some reason unknown to Sakura, she nodded wordlessly.
"I once believed I knew everything there was to know about Sasuke," murmured Shisui. Bending one leg, he slung an arm over his knee, assessing her for a moment before sighing. "Before finding out what'd been happening, I would have said without a shred of doubt that Sasuke would never hurt you – it's obvious to anyone who knows him that he loves you."
It was?
Sakura dropped her forehead to her knees as the revelation brought tears to her eyes, because it didn't fill her with joy like it used to. Gods, even six months ago, she would have killed to hear somebody say something like that to her, but in that moment, she felt more lost than ever.
"How did this even happen?" he questioned quietly, sounding like it was something he'd been asking himself repeatedly.
There was no stopping the shaking of her shoulders when she went to shrug, the weight of her helplessness leaving her scrambling for even an ounce of her control back.
Where had the strong woman from only a few hours ago gone? The one who'd so effortlessly threatened to break Ino? Why was she suddenly so weak? Unable to even look Shisui in the eye as they discussed her relationship's downfall?
"Sakura-chan."
Weakly, she shook her head like she was trying to block out his voice, quietly sobbing into her knees, arms coming up to shield her head seconds later.
In her pitiful state, she didn't sense him move until he was reaching out for her, allowing Sakura to lean against him heavily and cry. She tried to remain silent, not wanting Ino to hear or potentially use anything against her, but it was close to impossible, especially when Shisui wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tucked her into his side, like he was capable of shielding her from all the bad things in the world.
"How bad is it?"
"B-Bad," she whimpered before she could stop herself. Then, because she'd already started, she continued in an uneven voice, "But he's not…"
"Always like that?" Sakura nodded quickly. "Does he hurt you, Sakura-chan?"
No, she couldn't. She couldn't talk about it. It was making her skin crawl and it felt like she was going to pass out from the panic that was determinedly washing over her, trying to suffocate her under its waves.
The arm around her tightened its hold.
It was when she sucked in a shallow, wheezing breath that he shockingly asked her, "Do you want me to get Itachi for you?"
The question caused her to freeze, body tensing and she damned herself for giving such a reaction, because it was undoubtedly suspicious, wasn't it? An innocent person didn't give such a strong reaction to such a simple question, did they?
"He's… really helped you, hasn't he?"
There was no suspicion in his voice, only acceptance and it had her hesitantly pulling back to glance up at him with bloodshot eyes, expression crumbling at the cautious understanding in his gaze, like he was trying his utmost not to scare her away again.
"I'm not going to ask questions," he said while lowering his voice considerably, sparing a quick glance at the bottom of Ino's door to ensure she wasn't listening. Just the thought had Sakura gripping at him worriedly because what if she had overheard something? They'd taken her phone, right? "I think it's messy enough without my input, just…" She met his eye warily, ready for some kind of shaming, but instead, Shisui said, "Please be careful, Sakura-chan. If Sasuke's exploding over small things, there's no telling what he'd do if he found out."
Like she didn't already know that!
Sasuke adored Itachi. As much as he tried to act like he'd moved on from that childish awe, he hadn't. Anger and jealousy were often mixed in with it all, but deep down, he still admired Itachi and loved him.
"I-I'm scum," she whispered harshly and tried to pull away, because Gods, she was burning up from the shame.
But Shisui held on tight, keeping her with him. The only change in their position he made was tipping her head back to meet his steady, certain gaze. "No, you're not. You're stuck in a shitty situation and found a glimpse of happiness and companionship." When she sobbed silently, he sighed and his expression softened. "Is it messed up? I don't know. I don't know enough about any of it to have a say in the matter – no-one does other than the three of you. But what I do know is that you deserve better than being knocked around by my idiotic little cousin. What I do know is that Itachi loves Sasuke more than anything and he's the most selfless person I know. He's never put himself first.
"Just knowing that he's going against everything he believes in – everything I know about him – scares the hell out of me, Sakura-chan, because what does that mean for you and your future?"
The question chilled her to the bone.
"He's not the type of guy who gives into temptation – you know that yourself, from that single year you shared in high school together and the vacations you took with the family." She didn't even have the strength to nod along because she was so frightened. It was like the pieces were finally falling into place and she understood Itachi for the first time ever. "And Sasuke has always been his top priority. Do you remember?"
Yes. She did. She could remember everything.
"I think he's scared – not for himself, but for you and perhaps for Sasuke, too," Shisui told her earnestly. "He's always had front row seats to the abuse his mother endures, and he's always been helpless to stop it. Even now as an adult, he can't do much. But in this situation, he's able to step in and do something for the first time in his life. He's sacrificing his relationship with Sasuke for the sake of saving you from ending up like his mother and continuing the cycle."
And he'd been giving one hell of a fight, refusing to be pushed aside or ignored. He refused to give in or go away.
"I believe that is why I was so hard on you earlier," he continued in a quiet murmur, frowning. "I mean, I've seen you grow up, in a way. You and Sasuke have been joined at the hip for the longest time. Just the thought of you suffering a fate similar to Mikoto-oba's is too much, but to hear it has been happening? That it is happening? That Itachi is scared?"
But… "He really doesn't mean it," she tried to explain again, weakly. "Something's not right with him. Mentally, I mean."
"Which is why he's seeing a therapist, right?"
She nodded.
"Then…" Shisui sighed again, leaning back against the cream wall and eyeing the photographs on the wall opposite them with a distant look in his eyes. A quick glance showed her a trio of friends – Obito and Rin being two of them – hanging out together with a group of dogs. She didn't care enough to keep looking, though. The conversation was too much to allow her focus to slip. "I'll support him, too. But know that I won't stand back like I've grown used to with Mikoto-oba, Sakura-chan. If I see him do anything, I'm stepping in for you. Somebody has to."
"Itachi has been-" She cut herself off, grimacing at how loud she'd been. Lowering her voice considerably, Sakura mumbled, "Itachi's intervened before and he's warned Sasuke-kun. But Sasuke-kun's also gone to him about the night–" Again, she cut herself off, unable to continue, the memories of Ino using her confession against her making it impossible to trust the truth with another.
And it seemed Shisui could sense that too, since he sent a dark glower over to the door they were guarding. It was gone when their eyes met once more, thankfully.
"I won't ask. I won't make assumptions." Despite the words she was most grateful to hear, he looked like he wanted to say the exact opposite, his discomfort obvious. "But remember you can come to me about anything. I know what it's like to need a break from my family, so if you want to fall off the map for a while, come to me and I won't even ask questions, okay?"
That was…
That was exactly what she needed and wanted. She wanted to fall off the grid for a while, to disappear without a trace and recuperate at her own pace.
But…
"I've already been selfish enough with…" She couldn't even say his name and it had her scoffing inwardly about how much of a coward she was. "I can't abandon Sasuke-kun completely. He told me he needs me."
Although it was draining mentally, Sakura found that she was thankful for the conversation, the weight of her bond with Itachi slipping just the tiniest amount as she discovered it wasn't fuelled by lust.
Or did the fact that it had such depth make it worse?
"So, then, what now?" he asked her, not unkindly. There was a gentleness to his tone like he knew how hard the question would hit her, so was doing his utmost to soften the blow. "What if Sasuke always needs you? You've seen the strain the abuse has on Mikoto-oba and truth be told, I don't think she'd even be here today if it weren't for her sons."
"Then…"
When she trailed off, he frowned. "What if you always need Itachi?"
The question made her heart seize before it resumed a painful pounding.
"As selfless as his intentions started out, there's real feelings developing between you both." Shisui returned to looking at the photographs, giving her the break she needed from his worried stare. "And eventually the truth will come out." But then to her horror, he looked back at her just in time to see her fear written all over her face. "But you already know that, don't you?"
Movement from Ino's room captured her attention and Sakura immediately pushed everything else to the back of her mind, gently pulling away from Shisui's comforting hold.
"Ino-Pig?" she called out, hand coming to the door handle. She listened carefully while kneeling beside the door, frowning in concentration. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
No answer.
And then she heard pitiful retching.
Sighing, Sakura stood up and pushed down on the handle, determined on being there in her best friend's darkest hour, but before she could leave, Shisui grabbed her arm, also standing.
"Be careful, Sakura-chan." He glanced at the door that was open just a crack and frowned. "Both in there and with everything else."
She didn't answer, instead slipping inside and shutting the door to respect Ino's privacy.
The lights were dimmed when she entered – no doubt in response to her hangover, if Ino even suffered from them anymore (though, saying that, she supposed her friend had always been too drunk to tell, since she was never without a drink) – but she could still see the pathetic shape in the corner of the room clutching the bucket close to her chest, heaving and whimpering into it.
Grabbing the water from the nightstand, Sakura approached calmly and sat beside her, only hesitating for a brief second before she was reaching out and pulling the once luscious blonde hair back and into a ponytail, leaving the water to rest next to them.
"Go away," she ordered weakly, only to be interrupted from saying more as she resumed the heaving.
That time, however, she managed to finally vomit something up and Sakura grimaced at the smell. She said nothing, though and continued to hold back her hair until she sighed and pulled her own hair tie out to tie Ino's up with.
The grip on the bucket was unyielding, her knuckles turning white under the strain and when Sakura allowed her gaze to travel up her arms, she sighed sadly at the sight of scratch marks. Rin had said it was a possibility – a nervous tick – and wasn't necessarily Ino self-harming but to see the bloodied mess really had it all hitting home for her.
"Th-This is insanity," she eventually managed to grumble into the bucket.
Insanity? Their wanting to help her? Really? "No, what's insane is you attacking your own mom–"
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about–"
"Then tell me," stressed Sakura, exploding with her frustration. "Tell me what happened to get you in this state."
There was a bitter chuckle, but even as Ino dragged herself over to the bed, she remained pathetic in appearance and collapsed just beside it, leaning back against the bed with a groan. Sakura was quick to follow with the bucket and water, handing the latter to her. For the first time since kidnapping her, she finally drank something.
"Why should I tell you anything?" she questioned between sips, glaring up at her from over the glass. Her blue eyes were piercing in that moment, accusing. They screamed her abandonment without a shred of hesitancy, and it felt like a slice at her heart. "You don't care unless it involves Sasuke-kun–"
"Oh, and look at that," retorted Sakura with a snarl. "It does involve my boyfriend."
The replacement of his name was done possessively, and she knew it was a mistake when Ino gave a cruel smirk, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Bit territorial, huh? I wonder why?"
Gods, she should have kept her mouth shut.
Eyeing the door, Sakura wondered how her leaving would affect Ino before deciding against it. It was running from the problem that landed the blonde in her current predicament.
No, she had to face it head on, had to confront their problems if they wanted even a shred of hope in moving on from it all. Whether they remained friends or not was unknown to her – although it was more not until she learned the truth – but regardless of their friendship status, they had to face the problem together. As a team. Ino needed her friends and family to overcome her addiction. That included her, even if they didn't want it to.
"How could you do it?" she questioned suddenly in a whisper, eyes tight.
"Do what?"
How could she be so casual and uncaring? Surely Ino knew exactly what she was talking about? Unless she'd done other things to warrant that kind of question?
Sakura's chest squeezed tight.
"Send those pictures. Go after Sasuke-kun knowing how much I love him."
"How do you know it never went further?"
She narrowed her eyes on Ino's cold features, searching them for several moments but when she found nothing, she gave up, saying even though her head disagreed, "Because even you're not that heartless."
"And he is?"
She had her there, she supposed and Sakura quickly gave up on her argument, trailing off with a weak, "Sasuke-kun is…"
It was Ino's turn to explode with a quickly mounting frustration it seemed, slamming down her sick bucket. "He tried to rape you, Sakura. Do you really think he's immune to temptation?"
No. That was way too loud. People were listening out for Ino to ensure she didn't hurt herself and Sakura knew they would have heard her yelling.
Green eyes shot to the door, wide and fearful because any minute, she knew they would all pile in, demanding answers and judging her. They would either side with Sasuke and call her a liar, or side with her and damn him – but she didn't want there to be sides! She didn't want anyone to know.
"I-I shouldn't have told you that," Sakura barely managed to whisper, trying to scramble up to her feet. "I lied. It was a lie. Sasuke-kun didn't… H-He wouldn't ever-"
Clammy hands grabbed at her wrists and she winced as her back was slammed to the ground, though the pain was quickly forgotten about when Ino pinned her effortlessly even in her weakened state, straddling her painfully.
"You lied my ass," she snarled. Sakura grimaced when she leaned forward to close the distance between their faces, the smell of her vomit mixing with the alcohol and turning her stomach. "You idolise Sasuke-kun – you have no reason to make something like that up when you only see the best in him!"
She couldn't breathe.
The weight on her was too much and Sakura whimpered when her legs were parted forcefully. Ino's face was full of cold fury and it showed in her grip on her, also, but the biting pain on her wrists only doubled when she struggled against it.
She couldn't breathe.
"You think I'm the one who's messed up?" she demanded in a low murmur, nose bumping against hers. "You think I'm the one who's fucked up? Look at you! Look at what he's done to you and still you're defending him!"
She couldn't breathe.
"Was this how he did it?" she questioned and much to Sakura's horror, she pushed their hips together. "Is it assault now?"
"S-Stop, I–"
She couldn't breathe.
She couldn't breathe!
Bile – thick, excruciating bile – threatened to choke her as Ino's grip shifted quickly, pinning her wrists above her head with one hand, the other settling just below her breast.
"Does it count as assault now?"she demanded shrilly, eyes wide and deranged. "Does it finally count as assault now because it's not Sasuke-kun doing it?"
Why couldn't she move? Why couldn't she fight back? It was like she was frozen beneath Ino, unable to look away from the hateful, tearful–
Why was she crying?
"Why can't you see this is abuse, you fucking idiot–"
Her hand grabbed her breast, squeezing harshly.
The weight vanished the second the hallway's light spilled into the room and Sakura sobbed with relief.
"Enough!"
"Ino, what the hell is wrong with you?"
Ignoring the hands that reached out for her, she turned and scrambled away from Ino's shrieks for her to face the reality of the situation. She stumbled out of the room doing her best to ignore the wailing of her being such a fucking hypocrite.
"Maybe it's best if you think we fucked," she heard Ino continuing to scream, even as she sobbed herself. "Maybe then you'll finally leave him!"
A hand caught her just as her heel slipped on the top step of the stairs, yanking her back and into a firm chest and the feeling of familiarity, at the comforting smell of home, she found herself giving in entirely to the weight of her emotions, clinging to Itachi desperately and hindering his movement as he worked on getting them away from Ino's cruel words.
"Take my car," she vaguely heard Shisui tell Itachi. "Get her out of here."
She'd gotten her answers: Ino and Sasuke hadn't slept together. But at what cost? Was it worth…?
When the sobbing dissolved into full blown hysteria complete with retching, Itachi swiftly pulled over beside a field and got out, though she wasn't alone for long as the passenger door opened and he tugged her to her feet, holding her securely, murmuring soft words of comfort and apologies into her ear.
Ino had just…
She'd just…
It wasn't a panic attack – Sakura could tell by the simple fact that she knew she could breathe – but it felt like one. It felt like Ino had savagely ripped her chest open and clawed at her heart with those monstrously long, pointed nails of hers.
"I-I know," she snapped in response to Ino's demands even though they weren't even within a mile radius of the blonde anymore. "I know already!"
Sasuke had assaulted her. He'd tried to force himself on her. Sakura had known that from the moment it happened – she'd never lied to herself about any of it, always saying that no meant no. But the fact that Ino believed she didn't realise it was assault simply because they were still together was…
Gods, how messed up was she to defend the guy who'd tried to rape her?
No, she wasn't messed up. She was open-minded. She'd witnessed first-hand how badly it all screwed with Sasuke's head and how badly he was struggling and–
"You like watching the stars."
It was meant as a question. She knew it was. So Sakura nodded quickly, keeping a tight hold of Itachi as he guided her to the front of Shisui's car, sitting her on the hood.
"It is clear out here," he informed her gently and sat beside her.
When she flinched as he tried to lean her back so they would be looking up at the sky, Itachi ceased the action and instead they both sat on the hood of the car, not even looking at the stars as Sakura's wide eyed gaze remained fixated on the never ending road, her mind travelling at a mile a minute.
The road was like her situation, wasn't it? No matter what happened, she kept trudging forward because the trees that lined her road obscured her view, hiding all the different paths that would allow her to change her destination. And even though she was aware of the other paths, she was too scared to stray into the dark forest because the road was a sure thing. She could see straight ahead and knew what to expect.
Even though she sensed him laying back to look up at the night sky, Sakura didn't look at him or the stars. She also didn't join him. Instead, her feet planted on the cold hood, knees drawing up to her chest, arms locking around her legs to hold them in place.
"Are you cold?"
She couldn't answer.
Regardless, a jacket fell over her shoulders and Itachi sighed. "What she did–"
"Please," she croaked, trembling faintly. "D-Don't."
What had she done in a previous life that gave her such a shitty existence? That allowed her friends and family to walk all over her, hurting her whenever they felt like it? Was she some kind of corrupt leader who tortured and slaughtered millions? Because seriously, she must have done something to deserve it.
"I can't do this anymore," she whispered brokenly. Lips turning downwards at the corner, she watched the road ahead with tunnel vision, the trees blurring and further obscuring her options. "Any of it. I can't do any of it anymore."
Opening up to Ino had been a huge mistake. It didn't matter that she was once like a sister to her – she'd proven that evening that not only was she not to be trusted, but she was more than capable and willing to hurt her (even for something as simple as proving a point).
There was no going back for their friendship. Not after what she'd done.
Part of Sakura even wished she had slept with Sasuke. How messed up with that? It wasn't even for a good enough reason to hate him, but instead for–
Damn it, she was doing it again.
Swallowing hard, she finally tipped her head back far enough to look up at the stars and at the sight of them, she felt envy swelling within her. They were just… there. Existing peacefully, revealing themselves whenever they wanted to or whenever possible, considering the amount of pollution in the world. Though, she supposed that was a nice way of viewing it, wasn't it? That, despite the horrendous pollution (even though their planet's avoidable destruction didn't actually bother those stars) they were still there, shining brightly, breaking their way through the death clouds.
They were so beautiful.
He was toxic. Absolutely, heartbreakingly toxic. But like with the planet's pollution, there was still time to change their fate – they could change everything if they worked hard enough, if they wanted it badly enough.
"Shisui said…" She breathed in deeply and released the air in a sigh. "He said Mikoto-san would have given up long ago, had she not had her sons."
Was she already at that point of giving up? Was she in fact weaker than Mikoto for her continuous wishes of wanting to disappear? To escape her cruel reality? Merely leaving him wasn't an option due to how emotionally weak she was – she loved him and he needed her, so at some point, Sakura knew she would cave and seek him out, just as she had when they went on their break.
No, she needed a more permanent solution, didn't she? She needed a definite escape.
Tiredly, she lowered her gaze, almost forgetting about Itachi entirely as she tried to see what was at the end of the road. It was too dark without any streetlamps, though. The only reason she could see as far as she could was due to the headlights of the car, which hadn't been shut off when Itachi had pulled over hurriedly.
"He's right," answered Itachi, voice quiet. She felt more than saw him shift beside her, hands coming to rest behind him as he followed her line of sight. "There is not much for her to live for other than us."
It was a cold thing to say, but Sakura knew that it was also the truth. "She has her job–"
"A distraction. It is not what she truly enjoys. Then again, there isn't much she enjoys anymore."
Ballet was once her passion, Sakura recalled from a previous conversation with Itachi, but that had been mercilessly stripped from her in one of the cruellest ways possible. All because she'd wanted to share her love with her child.
"I wouldn't hate her if that was what she chose," Itachi confessed after a few silent moments. "I'm nothing more than a witness to her inescapable suffering, but I can see how immense it is. Even when I try to intervene, the abuse is merely postponed."
Tears once more filled her eyes, but Sakura did nothing to stop them from falling as they blurred her view of the road.
He was the stars, she decided in that moment.
If Sasuke was the pollution, then Itachi was the stars. No matter how bad it got, no matter how severe the damage was, the stars remained up there in the sky, shining even if they couldn't see them.
And she was the idiot wandering blindly down the road, blinded by the pollution.
Proof of how blinded she was, was the fact that, around Sasuke, she eventually forgot about the negative feelings when he showered her with even the smallest amount of affection, similar to how they brushed off how their latest gadgets or cars wrecked the environment. But as soon as she saw those stars, it hit home how destructive it all was. She realised how far they'd fallen.
But there was still time to change.
"Were you telling the truth?" he asked without looking at her, uncomfortably mirroring her thoughts. "Is Sasuke seeing a therapist?"
She nodded.
"That is already a step our father has never taken," murmured Itachi.
In some cases, even pollution was capable of being reversed.
"Do you think he can do it?" she asked, voice thick with emotion. "Can he change?"
The silence was more uncomfortable than his thoughts lining up with hers, the fact that he truly had to think it over leaving her a little hollow on the inside.
"Nothing is ever set in stone," Itachi said after a long pause. The way he looked to her was almost reluctantly, the finality in his stare bringing forth a powerful sob that she couldn't smother completely. "Everyone – everything – has the ability of changing."
In order to reverse the pollution, she would have to go to the worst affected area and go from there, meaning there was no chance of seeing the stars for the healing process. Even a single moment of weakness would be detrimental, putting the whole process at risk.
And he knew that too.
"What if I can't handle it?"
What if those feelings grew stronger and impossible to ignore? What if she couldn't keep trudging forward down that road and gave up?
"I will still be here."
Like the stars shining stubbornly, untouched by the pollution.
It felt like her entire body shook when Itachi allowed her to lean against him, embracing her with one arm until his other came up and tilted her head in his direction. Then, their foreheads thumped together and she shut her eyes, basking in the beauty of the stars.
They sat there for the longest time, holding one another, soaking in the others presence for the final time until she turned her body to face him fully and buried her face in his chest, inhaling that comforting smell that was so much like home that it killed her a little on the inside. She was terrified for the moment they parted, for the moment when everything between them was over and she was totally submerged by the pollution, but it had to happen.
For all their sakes.
A/N - To all my readers: I appreciate and love you all so, so much! I know a lot of things have been said over the past few days and regrettably, I opened my big mouth impulsively and didn't think everything I wanted to say through, so ended up adding fuel to the fire and looked argumentative instead of trying to find a middle ground.
So, I want to summarise my standing on it all.
Reviews are amazing and they do mean a lot to me, especially on bad days, but please, don't ever feel obligated to leave reviews if you're uncomfortable doing so or feel ashamed of yourselves for not leaving one. It broke my heart yesterday when some of my readers felt the need to apologise to me for hardly ever leaving reviews and it infuriated me seeing the name-calling towards readers, too.
At the end of the day, as most of you are already aware, I write for me (not including commissions of course). Writing helps me with managing my moods in a sense, because it helps me get it all out of my system, or try and write down what I'm feeling or experiencing so that I can better understand it all myself. Sometimes, I need those days locked away, researching and writing because it's honestly the best distraction I could ask for.
Do I write for you guys too? Of course I do, but it's mainly for me. Do I like the interactions between us? Hell yeah, especially when I'm teasing you guys about upcoming chapters or with painful cliffhangers. Some of you guys have even become dear friends to me - and that's something I appreciate so much.
I saw some important points, but the main one is that some cultures consider it to be extremely rude to be spoken to in a language they don't understand. So I just want to say here and now to you all: I don't mind/I give permission for you to post reviews or PM me in your mother tongue. I don't want any of you to feel excluded or embarrassed for not speaking/writing well in English. I'll do my best to find a decent translator to make communication easier.
I know some of you prefer to PM me instead of writing a review - I get it. Sometimes my stories can hit close to home and you're not comfortable with baring yourself and your experiences so publicly. So, don't feel bad for that either. Your PMs matter just as much as a review.
Some of you are like myself and get caught up in a story so forget to review until the very last chapter, instead binge reading the whole thing until you fall asleep - and that's perfectly fine too!
I appreciate those who take the time to review every chapter, from the massively detailed reviews to the quick "great chapter". I appreciate those who review once for the whole story. I appreciate those who PM me rather than leave a review. I appreciate every favourite and follow and view, because they're equally as important, in my eyes.
Please, don't ever feel ashamed for now leaving them or obligated to leave reviews.
Also, I just want to repeat something I saw yesterday that stuck with me:
"And if we're going to talk about how authors may have problems in their lives, perhaps we should acknowledge that readers definitely have problems in their lives too and they aren't responsible for other people's happiness." - claradraconis (Tumblr user).
"Your feedback is a gift. Not payment or compensation. Because I don't need payment or compensation. It's something I'm doing because THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.
That's how fandom works." - oukajinrai (Tumblr user).
I will never threaten to leave or refuse to post my chapters until I receive a certain number of reviews. That's some manipulative shit that I can't stand.