TW: Panic attacks, depression and suicidal ideation
Chapter 33 – Hurt, I Can't Shake
"What the fuck is going on here?"
Still blatantly broken by her question but fighting hard to hide it, Naruto peered over his shoulder to greet the wildcard of their group with a toothy grin Sakura knew was fake. Unlike every other smile, this one didn't create the lightness in his eyes that usually signified his happiness. It didn't alleviate the pit in her stomach like it usually did.
"Sakura-chan's got a weak stomach," he laughed at her expense, though she could tell from the hand holding tightly onto hers that Naruto wasn't really in the mood for joking. Shit, it seemed she'd well and truly ruined the night for him too. "We'll be out in a minute."
Purple eyes rolled like he was incredibly disappointed in their weakness. However, she couldn't deny Sakura was a huge coward who was grateful when Hidan approached with a huff of annoyance and tugged them both away from the wall.
"C'mon, weaklings," he ordered loudly over the returning of the pounding music that only served to disorientate her. "I'll get you both water. Go sit down."
"Na, man–" Naruto tried to resist but in his drunken state, he merely stumbled and forced Hidan to keep a firm grip of him, dragging him along without much issue.
Sakura followed diligently behind the pair and was only vaguely impressed with how together Hidan still seemed. He'd drank just as much as Naruto – no, more, since there'd already been a shocking number of empty glasses on the table when they'd arrived – yet all that really indicated he was feeling tipsy was his inability to walk in a dead straight line and even then, he wasn't off by much. Not like the sluggish Naruto who was now whining about being treated like a child and tripping over his own feet.
Please forget I said anything, Sakura desperately hoped while watching them. Please keep enjoying the night.
There were no signs of her boyfriend as they returned to the booth and part of her was grateful for his absence, especially when Hidan ushered her into her previous seat with a hand to the small of her back. Why did such a harmless gesture concern her? Swallowing, Sakura held Itachi's intense gaze when it finally shifted from Hidan's hand, completely unprepared for the spark that flashed. Unfortunately, it was gone way too fast for her drunken mind to know whether or not it was actually possessiveness, replaced entirely with concern at the sight of her.
"Watch the kids, virgin boy," demanded Hidan carelessly while shoving Naruto into the seat beside Nagato. "They got sick."
"You're sick?" Itachi questioned like he didn't believe a word of it.
Did she admit the truth to him? How would he feel knowing that his friends thought she looked like a victim? Could he help her brush off what she'd asked of Naruto if the blond pushed for answers? Shit, she couldn't handle it or the looks the blond kept throwing in what she knew he believed to be her direction, only slightly off thanks to the alcohol in his system.
Head dipping to speak directly into her ear when Naruto's looks caught his attention once more, Itachi demanded, "What happened? Where did my brother go?"
Honestly? Sakura didn't have a clue. All she did know was that the only indicator for what transpired outside was a minute throbbing between her legs after Sasuke had torn away from her so fast. Gods, she should have checked herself over in the bathroom. Could there be damage? Was it just the shock that was making her think she was in pain? Was that a thing?
"I think he went outside again," Sakura replied and stopped herself short just as she subconsciously went to brush back his hair when it tickled her features. To outsiders, that would look too familiar, wouldn't it? Was their being too close too familiar? Worriedly, she looked to the rest of the table but nobody seemed to be paying them any attention. At least she didn't think they were.
How did such a great night become so shit so fast? First she ruined the night for Sasuke, then for Naruto. Who was next? Itachi? Deidara?
Sakura grimaced. Just the thought was making her heart race and she itched to get away, knee soon bouncing erratically beneath the table. To try and busy her mind she returned to the pinching of the tips of her fingers, hiding them from view so that nobody thought she was crazy for sitting in the corner pinching herself, but due to the chaotic environment she found herself continuously being distracted – in particularly by the flashing lights for reasons Sakura couldn't even understand.
That was until a steady hand smoothly came to her thigh beneath the table, gently forcing the bouncing to a halt and offering a single, comforting squeeze. With their already sitting so close it was impossible to tell that Itachi was touching her at all and quick glances around the table reassured her.
Still, it was all she could think about from the second she felt his skin on hers, even while knowing that it was merely to hold it still. That point didn't stop her weak-willed heart from lunging into a dead sprint that triggered the dramatic heating up of her body and Sakura knew from the twitching of his hand that the shifting of her thighs pressing together had given her away. It was like he was debating pulling away, only couldn't quite bring himself to do so.
She couldn't help but peer up at Itachi while he finished the rest of his beverage in one large gulp. Green eyes were greedy in their brief assessment of his features, and Sakura bit the inside of her cheek in regret at the pained reluctance that caused his eyebrows to furrow for a second.
What really cemented the knowledge of her being so unforgivably cold-hearted was Itachi gently pulling away from her and leaning back in his seat, arm appearing casual as it spread out across the back of the booth's bench.
What the hell was she even thinking? How could she sit there and so selfishly believe that being touched by her boyfriend's brother was okay?
Averting her gaze to the table, Sakura fought against the twisting of her stomach that only doubled at the realisation that she'd wound up being exactly what she'd feared most: the awkward girl who sat in the corner and singlehandedly dragged down the overall mood for the evening.
She desperately wanted to go home. So badly it made her stomach hurt.
The standoffish return of Deidara and Sasori was what pushed Sakura into leaving the table, unable to meet the former's eye when he asked her where she was going so suddenly. With the music being as loud as it was, it wasn't impossible for her to not hear him – she did, of course. She heard every word and noticed out of the corner of her eye how he immediately looked to Itachi for answers, but she couldn't stick around.
That horrific restlessness that triggered her bolting from the Uchiha Manor a couple of nights ago returned tenfold and Sakura imagined following through with the thought. Of just running and running and running until she was far from the whole shitshow that was turning her into the worst person imaginable. If it weren't for–
No. No, she wasn't going to pass the blame onto others. Just because she was in a shitty situation it didn't make it okay for her to become a shitty person to others.
She was a toxic person.
"Ah, it's you!"
Sakura was forced to come to a halt halfway across the balcony with the booths, swallowing hard upon recognising the woman from the bathrooms. She was perkier than before and even as they stood opposite one another, bounced completely out of time from the music, her smile simply radiant and expressing how she was nothing more or less than absolutely buzzing.
"Man, you're coming down hard, poor thing," she yelled over the music and clutched Sakura's arm in a friendly gesture. "Come with me – I'll hook you up."
Hook her…?
Holy shit.
She couldn't even find it in herself to express her disbelief at the realisation, for she was too far gone in her own head to worry about some woman she didn't even know being high.
"I'm okay," she tried to reassure the brunette.
It was like she couldn't hear a word Sakura had to say as she began pulling her along with shocking strength, apparently not feeling the blatantly displeased tugging back. Anxiety skyrocketing at being unable to get the woman's attention to release her, she looked around to try and find someone from her group, recalling that Hidan was at the bar and hopefully able to spot her as they neared it.
She couldn't find him.
Her sound of fear was lost to the music and she pulled more harshly on her arm, though only succeeded in stumbling in her heels.
"Don't worry, he's around here somewhere!"
He?
Holy fuck what if it was a ring? What if she was about to be kidnapped? That sort of thing was always being aired on the news – another tragic case of a young woman taken from a parking lot or an alley or bar. Was she about to be trafficked?
Too much. Everything was too much. The flashing lights were disorientating her– or was that the fast-approaching panic attack? No, it didn't matter. Not when the world started to spin and the colours blurred sickeningly, threatening to knock Sakura on her ass.
How could the woman not sense the desperation to get away? How could she not feel how sweaty or shaky she was becoming?
"Here he is! Ko-kun, can you spare a couple of lines?"
They didn't have faces. Either of them. And Sakura stumbled backwards when she was finally released, averting her gaze from their blank heads and–
Hidan!
Terrified but oddly relieved to recognise him out of the mixture of blurred faces and bright lights, she tried shouting his name, though was disheartened when he remained fixated on the bar, unable to hear her over the music.
"Is this what you want?" she was horrified to hear, much closer than she'd anticipated the guy being.
Where was the woman? Oh Gods, she was gone. She'd disappeared and left her with the guy who was about to kidnap her for his sex trafficking ring and what the hell was he pulling out of his pocket–
A hand grabbing her arm and yanking her backwards had Sakura officially losing her balance for good that time, but that was okay because the familiar scent of her boyfriend's cologne had her falling into him gratefully, filled with relief.
She was safe.
And what drove that point home was her effortlessly spotting the fast approach of her best friend, the rest of the group coming away from the booth as they realised there was a confrontation.
"Keep that shit away from her," snarled Sasuke, backhanding what she could now recognise as a small white bag away from them.
"Who the fuck do you think–"
Sakura's heart was in her throat when Naruto reached them, coming to stand unsteadily between Sasuke and the guy with his head tipping back, blue eyes angry and serious even in their inebriated state. "Walk away, man," he warned even while stepping up to him, leaving hardly any distance between them. "We don't want any."
"Oi, don't be starting shit without me!"
Sakura sucked in a sharp breath at the sudden intrusion of Hidan, his laughter downright insane as he threw the first completely unnecessary punch. It only went up a notch when the drug dealer landed one of his own, knocking Hidan into Naruto.
And then the insane idiot did something none of them were expecting.
For some reason she simply couldn't comprehend in her anxiety riddled mind, Sakura watched in a daze as Hidan whirled on a guy minding his own damned business at the bar, hands raising defensively until he accused the drug dealer of being the one who punched him.
Was he trying…?
A hand grabbing hers caught Sakura's attention, stealing it away from the madness going on before her.
"C'mon," Sasuke ordered, already trying to pull her away from them. "It's going to get–"
"Hell yeah!" she heard Naruto yell and she froze in her spot upon spotting him sloppily diving straight into the middle of what was quickly escalating into an all-out brawl.
Terror washed over her anew.
"Naruto!"
"Sakura–"
She yanked her hand free without hesitation and shot after the blond who was now lost amongst the flying fists and kicks, fear of him being hurt overshadowing everything else. He was way too drunk to hold his own.
"Sakura!"
Like hell she was leaving him alone in that!
Remaining focused in the now large crowd of scrappers was difficult when her senses were beyond overwhelmed and Sakura yelped as she was shoved around ruthlessly, her hesitance to fight back obvious in the half-hearted counters that were severely lacking. They didn't even make the other club-goers flinch.
It was receiving a sharp tug of her hair and a solid punch to the face causing her to stumble backwards that finally had Sakura entering fight mode. Panting and already sweaty, she was unable to feel grateful for the switch in her countenance and simply took advantage of it while it lasted. Her panicked state heightened everything, and she was unable to regulate her breathing, the heaving of her chest only increasing the longer it took her to find Naruto.
Had he fallen? Was he on the floor? Knocked out? Shit, what if he was being stomped on? Trampled?
She threw sharp elbows and ruthless knees to groins, heels of her hands to noses and stomps of her feet onto others'. Hell, although it was all one blurry mess by that point and she wasn't even sure who or what she was striking, Sakura was fairly certain Hidan's smug grin may have been on the receiving end of her elbow at one point – part of her thought that was just her mind playing tricks on her, however, because she was also certain he'd laughed after being hit too.
"Naruto," she yelled helplessly, chest aching ferociously. "Naruto!"
Where was he? Why couldn't she find him? It felt like she'd been lashing out for ages now, yet she hadn't spotted him once. Other than Hidan, she hadn't seen a single familiar face and it had her whimpering.
That fear stuttered at the sight of the hand catching a fist just before it struck her, but there was no time to try and understand what just happened, for the person was leaning down and leaving her to shriek in disbelief as she was thrown over his shoulder. Sakura clutched desperately at his shirt, trying so hard not to focus on how the world was spinning sickeningly, or the fact she was certain that this time, she was seriously having a heart attack.
The person was talking to her but for the life of her, she couldn't understand a word that was being said to her. She couldn't even distinguish the music – everything was just noise. Loud, confusing noise that was making her head pound in time to the beat. Only vaguely did Sakura realise she was also creating noise, Naruto's shrieked name coming out as garbled, incoherent syllables that even she couldn't understand.
Carefully, she was placed the right way up once more, but she continued to cling to the person desperately, Naruto's mangled name repeatedly falling from her stinging lips. It was the tangy taste of her own blood that had Sakura uneasily releasing his shirt, hands shaking as they came to her face, turning red from just the briefest of touches.
"Breathe, Sakura."
The sight of her bloodied hands seemed distant and caused her stomach to churn horrendously.
"Breathe," he ordered.
It was only when steady hands came to cover hers, shielding the blood from view without a care for being covered in it himself, that Sakura finally looked to the person who saved her from the brawl. Her eyes filled with tears at the concern shining in Itachi's, the registering of his features causing a powerful wave of safety to course through her. She clutched at his shirt subconsciously, forehead dropping to his collarbone and shit, the relief of having him securely holding her up allowed Sakura to take her first deep breath in what felt like hours.
"There," he softly encouraged, the smile in his voice obvious. "Keep taking deep breaths."
When the hell did they leave–
Don't focus on that, Sakura scolded herself as she struggled to maintain the composed breathing. She rolled her shoulders experimentally before promptly deciding that was too much for her to handle, the sensation of her chest constricting overwhelming.
"Breathe through it," came his soft utterance. Itachi's grip on her biceps was unyielding but desperately needed, grounding her and gifting Sakura with all the time she needed to get a hold of herself. "I won't go anywhere."
"E-Everyone–"
"Scattered," he admitted, sighing. "The police are on their way."
That did absolute wonders for her anxiety and Sakura lunged forward only to be gently pressed back against the wall again, her yell of Naruto's name pitiful and full of concern.
"He's fine," Itachi assured her. "Deidara-san and Sasori-san got both Naruto-kun and Sasuke out of there."
Sasuke.
"…I promised Sasuke that I would find you. It was the only way to get him out of there before he really lost himself."
Holy shit. How badly had the brawl triggered her boyfriend's rage? How badly had she triggered him by completely disregarding how he was feeling and charging in after Naruto?
"Sasuke wanted to be the one to get you out," Itachi added softly, reassuringly. "However, Naruto-kun had other plans–"
No.
"–and the two ended up fighting."
No.
"I have yet to find out why they turned on one another–"
"It's my fault," came her broken whisper. The hold on his shirt increased in strength and she yanked herself closer to Itachi, seeking his comfort without really meaning to. "I-I…"
Vaguely, Sakura could hear his attempts to console her, to reassure her that none of what happened was her fault. None of it worked, though. Not a single word registered in her mind long enough for her to listen to reason. All she could do was keep her face buried in his chest, using the comforting scent of home to scare off the storm threatening to take her out for good.
She'd said way too much, though evidently not enough at the same time.
Naruto knew.
Naruto knew and he'd done exactly what Sakura feared most: threw punches first. Sure, there probably wasn't much that could be said at that point to lessen the severity of all that'd happened between them, but…
Shit, what had she done?
At some point, she realised Itachi had stopped trying to speak with her and settled on merely holding her through the panic attack. Arms tight and secure around her, he kept Sakura from breaking into pieces as the world crashed down around her, holding her up when exhaustion threatened to take her legs out.
Had she just ended their literal lifelong friendship?
Sakura peeled herself away from Itachi to look up at him helplessly, asking in a breathless sob, "A-Are they…? Did I…?"
"Stop blaming yourself," he told her firmly, jaw setting. "You can't control the actions of grown men, Sakura. You didn't force their hands. They chose to resort to violence."
It took too long to register that they were outside – the only reason why she even noticed was because of the flashing police lights that lit up the street. Several police cars and vans lined up on the road, shutting the club down for the night and bundling the rowdy drunks still attempting to fight into their vehicles. Many tried to resist and were promptly dealt with, and Sakura soon found herself able to focus properly on them and the effortless teamwork that had the messy situation dealt with swiftly.
"You two?" The amused drawl triggered Sakura to look his way with a spark of hope, one that had Shisui reassessing her unsurely before he was looking back to Itachi and raising an eyebrow. She was unsure what seemed to concern him: the blood on her face growing crusty, or the fact she was visibly relieved seeing him. "Her, I get. I've seen Sakura-chan's rage many times over the years. But I have to say I'm surprised to find you're involved, Itachi." Shaking his head in mock disappointment, he folded his arms over his chest and said, "How disappointing."
"Think that's all of them, sir," one of the officers stated and Sakura was stunned to realise he was addressing Shisui. She hadn't realised he was climbing the ranks already. "Would you like us to take those two as well?"
Horror had her once more latching onto Itachi. If they were arrested, she would lose her scholarships. Her out from that–
"Case of wrong time and place for her, and he's just trying to be a gentleman caring for her wounds," he responded blandly. "These two are free to go."
Accusatory stares had Sakura ducking her head, but even with her all too evident involvement in the brawl, she didn't feel guilty in the least.
Her scholarships would be okay.
She still had her escape.
"C'mon," came Shisui's sigh. "I'll give you both a ride home."
"Thank you–"
"Don't thank me yet," he muttered. A seriousness entered his gaze as the others gradually filtered out of the now quiet street, his attention drifting to the closing club. Sakura wondered if he was perhaps looking for Sasuke and why he hadn't already mentioned him. "I'm taking Sakura-chan home to her parents, and you to yours."
She squeezed him tighter just as her chest squeezed her heart. "B-But Itachi is–"
But Shisui was unmoving as he shut down her argument by stating seriously, "I can smell the alcohol from here. Don't you guys think you're in a tricky enough predicament without tempting fate like that? Do you really want to risk making a huge mistake and regretting it in the morning?"
Much to her needy, anxious self's disappointment, Itachi seemed to agree with his reasoning and sighed heavily. "Of course not. Thank you, Shisui."
The only sound to fill the silence as they made their way to his patrol car wordlessly was that of irate drunks impatient to find somewhere else to party. Stumbling about and bickering amongst one another and singing their happy songs obnoxiously, they bordered on nuisance levels for the occupants living around the area.
"Always a joy working the weekend shifts," Shisui grumbled.
Arm coming to rest on his opened door, he waited while they slid into the back seat, focusing on the partiers who lingered until they realised that they were being watched. Sakura curiously glanced over to them just in time to witness them scarpering away before provoking Shisui in any way, their heads kept down to avoid being identified. It made her wonder if the drug dealer was amongst them, or if there'd been more than one in the club for them to be acting so shady.
Nothing would come of reporting it, Sakura thought to herself tiredly. Knowing her shitty luck it'd backfire, and she'd be the one being apprehended for starting a brawl – it was her fault, wasn't it? For being so reactive to everything going on and working everyone else up?
And now Naruto and Sasuke were…
Sakura ducked forward to drop her head in her hands at the intense wave of nausea washing over her, thankful that the covering of her eyes lessened the sensory input of the disorientating journey home. A comforting hand soon came to her back and Sakura willed away the fear it evoked before it became obvious, because soon enough, that support was going to be taken away from her.
I need to learn how to cope alone anyway, Sakura scolded herself.
But Gods, thinking it and actually putting it into practice… Already, it made her chest ache. However she was too scared to bring the issue up or request that Itachi stayed.
She wasn't drunk – barely even tipsy by that point – and he seemed as level-headed as usual. There wouldn't be any more temptation than there normally was for them, Sakura sincerely believed.
The trembling had restarted by the time they pulled onto her silent street and she swallowed hard at the comforting rub of Itachi's hand on her back when he seemed to sense her stress. Like herself, however, he remained silent. Even when Itachi seemingly checked the rapid rise and fall of her chest before resuming the soothing gesture, he didn't say a word. It stung.
Up until that point, he'd always gone out of his way to help, and Sakura felt lost suddenly.
Grow up, she snarled towards herself, hating that the shaking was increasing.
Everything felt unbearably hot and she longed to open the window, thankful when they finally drew to a gradual stop outside her family home. From past experiences in his patrol car, Sakura knew to wait for Shisui to open the door before she could leave, and she kept her head lowered to hide the escalating anxiety.
Unfortunately for her, he caught her chin just as she was about to walk away, forcing Sakura to meet his concerned gaze.
"Do you know how to properly care for this?" he asked.
"We…" The words died on her tongue at the knowing look in his eye, and she belatedly realised he assumed she'd needed to clean wounds such as that in the past. Meekly, Sakura just barely managed to force out, "…own a first aid kit."
Her chest was going to implode. It only grew more imminent the longer Shisui kept her there, and she promptly dropped her gaze, focusing on his steady breathing to try and regulate her own. It didn't work. Neither did searching the discomfortingly empty street, eyes unable to remain on one spot for long.
"Shisui," called Itachi. "Either allow Sakura to go inside or bring her with us. You are making her uncomfortable."
Thank you, she wanted to tell him. Instead, she lowered her head the moment Shisui released her with a quiet apology and hastily crossed the lawn to her front door. However, there was no hiding her falter in the doorway as she belatedly noticed that her parents still weren't home.
No cars on the driveway. House plunged in total darkness exacerbated by an unnerving silence, her ears straining to hear something, anything. But there was nothing.
She was alone.
Without looking back at the two men, Sakura shut the front door and was quick to flick on the light, heart easing in its pounding rhythm but not by much when the hallway was illuminated.
Did her parents even notice her absence at all? Had she really upset them that much for them to stay away from their own home for so long? Would they ever forgive her?
Crippling anxiety demanded that she checked all doors and windows thrice before heading upstairs, and even then, her heart thundered away in her chest like Sakura had run a marathon at a dead sprint.
It was for the best that she was home, Sakura tried to reassure herself. Distance from the Uchiha family and the chaotic night was for the best.
No it wasn't, anxiety hissed back at her and she cursed when she dropped her phone, the thud of it hitting the ground making her flinch. For several agonising moments, she was unable to bend down to grab it, for the hyperventilating became too much and had her growing lightheaded. It was worsened when she eventually attempted to grab the phone and Sakura dropped backwards, barely feeling the stab of pain that radiated from her tailbone.
She couldn't do it.
She didn't want to be like this anymore.
It was a never ending, infuriating cycle – each time faster and more disorientating than the last, leaving Sakura flailing blindly and screaming for help, only nobody could hear that she wanted off the ride. They couldn't hear her inability to cope with the emotional rollercoaster.
She wanted to leave and never look back.
Those scholarships at foreign universities had never sounded more appealing. Was it running away? Without a doubt. But it was a change of scenery. It was distance. A chance to work on herself without the oppressing factors in her life. A new start.
Could she really do that, though? Flee from everything and everyone she knew and loved? Turn her back on so many years of loving and being hurt?
Yeah right, came that pessimistic voice that threatened what little composure she'd clawed in. Like you could cope five minutes without either of them.
Shakily, Sakura pinched the tips of each finger.
She had to learn to cope without them. Both of them. The relationship with Sasuke was unhealthy and toxic – they were both too damaged at that point to work like they used to. At the same time, her relationship with Itachi wasn't any better. She was so sickeningly reliant on him. Feeling like her chest was going to explode when forced to part from him was equally unhealthy. More so, perhaps.
She needed distance.
And Sakura knew exactly who to turn to, to get it.
"I won't ask. I won't make assumptions." Despite the words she was most grateful to hear, he looked like he wanted to say the exact opposite, his discomfort obvious. "But remember you can come to me about anything. I know what it's like to need a break from my family, so if you want to fall off the map for a while, come to me and I won't even ask questions, okay?"
The one hour wait Sakura forced herself to sit through bordered on unbearable, but she had to for the sake of not sounding like a complete wreck. Many times, she thought to hell with it and rushed to find his number. But she wouldn't. Partly because she wanted to learn to calm down by herself. Partly in case Itachi was hanging around and happened to overhear the conversation. It wasn't that she had anything shady to hide, she just… She simply…
"Hello?"
Breathe, Sakura reminded herself and she took a second to do so, but the request fizzled out like she hadn't spent a whole hour planning what to say. "…Shisui-san?"
"Sakura-chan? I hope this isn't a booty call."
"I-I…" All words continued to die on her tongue and Sakura trembled, only distantly hearing his questioning her as all amusement dropped. "I need…"
"An out," he deduced effortlessly and she exhaled sharply in relief. "I'm on my way. Try to pack a bag if you're able to."
Lowering her phone as the call disconnected, Sakura found herself unable to look away from the blank lock screen, in a state of disbelief of how easy Shisui had made everything.
Then relief swarmed her with warmth and lightness – that wonderful sensation only transformed into blissful liberation once her bag was packed and there was a quiet knock on her door, because just as Sakura turned to leave, she glanced to her phone before switching it off and leaving it in the drawer of her nightstand.
Off the grid.
Distance from the pair of them. While hiding (probably like a coward), she found comfort in it being with someone like Shisui. Nobody would expect it, making it the last place they would look for her. To spare her parents' any concerns (if they cared at all by that point), Sakura penned a quick note explaining she was camping for a few days with some friends, before leaving it on her bed.
"Hey," he greeted warmly at the opening of the door, already reaching for her bag. It granted her with the opportunity to lock the door on the first try and Sakura inhaled the summer night air deeply, grateful that there were only flashes of the tightness that usually plagued her. "Is this everything?"
"I think so."
"I can grab more if you decide to stay for longer," Shisui assured her. Glancing to the drive, he asked during the walk back to his civilian car that told her he was officially off duty now, "Your parents still aren't home?"
Although eighteen and capable of taking care of herself, she felt disheartened by their absence, and it must have showed in her expression because Shisui offered a comforting pat to her shoulder. He opened the passenger door for her before placing her duffel bag onto the backseat, soon joining her and starting the engine that instantly blasted them with warmth.
"Like I said, you're welcome to stay as long as you want," he told her over the low music. Glancing her way when they left her deserted street, Shisui smiled. "It'll be nice having someone to hang out with between shifts."
Only aware that he had separated himself from the family business, Sakura was unsure of what awaited her at the end of their quiet drive. Shisui was always a mystery in her eyes. Distant enough from his warped family to make a life for himself but continued to attend events – unless he did so only for his cousins?
The gradual stopping of the car had Sakura looking out of the window and heaving a sigh at the sight of just an ordinary apartment building. With nothing even remotely luxurious about its setting, she found herself feeling oddly at home in a way she never could at the manor (even with Mikoto's efforts). In a strange way, it seemed more relatable. More her own bracket.
She followed after Shisui without a word, the silence of the complex reminding her of the late hour and prompting her to keep her voice down.
"It's mostly the elderly who live here now," Shisui told her conversationally once they were in the elevator. Punching in the number for his floor, he glanced to her from the corner of his eye and added, "Obito used to live in the apartment opposite mine until he purchased his home with Rin-san."
"Don't you ever feel out of place?"
"What? With the other tenants?"
"Yeah."
"No, never," he told her, shoulders dropping with his fond sigh. "Obito used to be their go-to handyman but when he moved out, they were almost at a loss. There was no one around to run to the store for them, or to fix up their apartments when the landlord was taking too long to get back to them."
Sakura smiled at that. "You took over."
"Of course."
So unlike the rest of his family that it threatened to make her head spin. A part of her itched to press for a reason why Shisui was so different to them, but at the brief flash of melancholy in his gaze, she realised it wasn't her place. Besides, it didn't really matter why. What mattered was that Shisui was a good guy who enjoyed helping others.
The dinging of the elevator signified the end of the short trip and Sakura followed Shisui's lead, unable to resist the urge to assess the area that offered only the bare minimum. Any homely additions were clearly added by the tenants, for their faded doors were spruced up vivacious flowerpots or welcome mats.
"Don't you ever get tired?" Sakura asked curiously, eyes returning to his form as he unlocked his door. "Being an officer and their handyman, I mean?"
Shisui shrugged at that. "I like that I can make their lives easier for them. Even if it's something as mundane as grocery shopping or fixing a leaky tap."
His apartment was humble in size and lacked the clutter she knew her own would likely be burdened by. Almost minimalistic in a sense, with its living area and kitchen combined into one and a hallway that possessed only three doors to the far right of the room. The entertainment system and inviting corner sofa kept it from being entirely minimalistic, however. As did other additions that showed Shisui earned a decent enough paycheque that not only covered his bills but allowed him such luxuries.
"The refrigerator is fully stocked," he informed her, cheerful again when she looked over to him. "That's another bonus of taking care of these guys. They're always determined on fattening me up."
Sakura smirked at that, recalling all the times as a child where her own grandmother had been so certain her parents weren't feeding her enough. Considering Shisui lived in a complex made up of the elderly, she wondered if he found their caring for him homely at all. It was wrong of her to make assumptions since his family life held the possibility of being completely different to the rest of the Uchiha, but she wondered if it was bittersweet at all. His first true glimpse of what a family was supposed to be like.
"How's the face?" asked Shisui once her duffel bag was placed down at the entrance of the hallway.
He watched her closely for a moment before sighing and going to the top of his refrigerator, retrieving a sizeable box. Its design gave away what it was and without argument, Sakura approached. She knew the clean up she'd done was half-assed, her mind too overwhelmed to allow her to properly care for the injury. To her, if the bleeding had stopped and it was all washed away along with her makeup, then there was nothing more to do. But Shisui guiding her onto one of the stools at his breakfast island told her otherwise, as did his weighty sigh as he took the seat next to hers and spun them both to face one another.
"I don't intend on making a habit of this," Shisui told her firmly, eyebrows pinching together as he dug around the box for antiseptic wipes. Looking back to her once he had them, he tore open the packet and waited until Sakura leaned closer and signified it was okay to reach out. "…Because I won't let it get to this stage."
That was…
Sakura shut her eyes. The gentle dabbing didn't hurt in the slightest other than a slight sting to her busted lip, though it was a little uncomfortable as he tipped her head back to properly cleanse beneath her nose and the openings of her nostrils. Still, she was too tired to really care all that much, so allowed him to go about the methodical cleaning.
"…Okay," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.
"Okay?" he repeated and paused, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. "You're willing to accept my help?"
Everything that happened that evening – the brawl, Naruto and Sasuke fighting – was all her fault. It was because she was overwhelmed and scared and unable to catch even a moment's break. The panic attacks were draining the life out of her and reaching devastating points of Sakura questioning why she even bothered anymore, and despite reminding herself of how much she had to live for, she just… She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep going.
"I'm here, aren't I?" Sakura tried to say lightly, but the quivering of her bottom lip gave away the intense emotions. Perhaps even a darker undertone that had Shisui's gaze locking on hers the moment she opened her eyes, his pain making way for something more tender when he read the weary determination there. "That's a start, right?"
"You'll get there," he promised resolutely and she felt more of that unbearable sensation of being so utterly alone crumble at his sincerity. "Until then, I've got your back, kid."
Damn it. She was so tired of crying over everything and it showed in the furious wiping of her eyes.
Shisui smiled sadly. "Use this weekend – or however long you need – to get the distance you need and rest up. I won't let any of them disturb you."
The sense of freedom returned at full force and finally, Sakura lost control of her emotions, allowing her head to fall forward to try and hide the tears.
"…Thank you."