Surprise! Two in one day! I hope you all are doing well, feeling healthy, and staying sane. Thank you for reading and giving me something to do during this time! Much love to you all.

xo Amethyst

CHAPTER 12: Impulse

Usagi closed her eyes and leaned down to rest her hands on her knees, trying her best to suck air into her lungs. They felt tight, and no matter how hard she gasped, she felt like she couldn't fill them all the way. She swallowed, her throat dry and burning.

Is this it?

Is this how I'm going to die?

"Come on, don't be a baby, Usagi," a voice told her. She looked up into the light, spring green eyes of the young man in front of her. He jogged in place as he watched her, his face flushed and his dark blonde hair damp with sweat.

"My kneecaps are shaking, Shing."

"Are you really that out of shape?" He asked, an eyebrow raised. Usagi knew her face was red and that her coral tank top was drenched after two miles of trying to keep up with her brother. Everything felt too clingy. Her shirt stuck to her skin and her bangs were sticking to her forehead. She envied Shingo who, with the exception of a circle of sweat on the back of his deep green T-shirt, didn't seem to be struggling at all. He even had the forethought to wear a headband, keeping his mop of thick hair from getting into his face. He clearly did this a lot.

"It's been awhile since I've been on a run," she said, finally standing tall. That was an understatement. She couldn't remember the last time Mamoru got her to run with him. Her feet ached a little in her white sneakers. "I didn't even want to come on this one."

"You need to push through it, Usagi," he said, turning on his heel and beginning to run again. She let out a loud, annoyed sigh, and then pushed off with her foot to catch up. She was grateful that he slowed his pace down for her. The two jogged beside each other, and for awhile the only sounds that Usagi could hear were the rhythmic tapping of shoes hitting the pavement and their labored breathing.

"I saw your picture in an article," Shingo said suddenly.

Usagi laughed. So that's what this spontaneous run was about. She did think it was strange that her brother called her out of the blue to spend time together. He was usually busy with school, sports, or his friends. Even if he wasn't, that was not the kind of relationship they had. She wondered for a moment if that was her fault. If she wasn't so busy being a sailor guardian or trying to squeeze kisses out of Mamo-chan, would she have had more time to get to know her little brother?

"The picture from Seiya's concert?" She asked, but that was the only one she knew of. She thought of the picture- now printed, framed, and displayed on her bookshelf among others.

"Yeah, that one. You're hanging out with him again?"

"Yep," she answered shortly, steeling herself for yet another conversation where she would have to explain their friendship. This was surprising, though. Shingo wasn't usually one to meddle.

"Where has he been this whole time? He kind of disappeared for awhile."

"He just wanted to get away from it all. Being that famous while in high school wasn't easy for him," she lied. Though she heard Seiya use this excuse many times during recent interviews, the thought made her want to laugh. It was obvious to her that he enjoyed being famous.

"Have you two been talking this whole time?"

Usagi huffed and asked, "Shingo, what are you getting at?"

"Don't be so defensive, Usagi. I'm just talking."

Rather than answer, she focused on her breathing. Two breaths in through her nose. Two breaths out through her lips.

"You're my sister, Usagi-chan. If he makes you happy, then that's all that matters. I know that you've been going through a lot, and I've been trying to give you your space, but I want you to know that I care."

Usagi scrunched her nose, looking at him with an almost horrified expression.

"What?! What are you talking about?!"

"You've been really sad lately. Everyone's noticed, but you seem like you've been getting better."

She watched him as he jogged beside her and really took in how much he'd grown over the last few years. He was much taller than she was now, by two heads at least. After years of playing team sports like soccer and basketball, he was fit and athletic. He was popular just like he was when he was a kid, and sometimes at dinner their mom would ask him about girls that had been by the house to see him. Sometimes she forgot that he wasn't the ten-year-old brat who used to tease her when she failed her tests.

"It's a lot to explain," she said finally, the bouncing making her words come out rough and jagged. I should just get that printed on a sign, she thought to herself.

"I know there's a lot of stuff that I can't understand about you. Was it because of things that happened when you were Sailor Moon?"

At that moment, the tip of Usagi's sneaker connected with the edge of an uneven sidewalk. She fell forward, but Shingo was quick to turn and catch her. She gripped his arms tightly, red-faced and panting heavily before asking, "What?"

"You don't have to pretend, Usagi. I know you're Sailor Moon."

"I, what? What are you talking about?"

"I've always known."

She suddenly felt nausea sloshing around in her stomach. She clenched her hands around Shingo's arms, willing the bile to stay down. Her heart was pounding so loudly that she could barely hear her loud, strained breathing. With no energy to defend herself, she asked through a labored puff of air, "How?"

Shingo shrugged. "You were always sneaking out, and Sailor Moon only saved the world when you weren't around. Besides, who else would wear a hairstyle that stupid besides you."

"Shut up," she grumbled, pinching Shingo's arm before backing away. As she looked out onto the lake, her eyes focused on the reflection of the sunlight on the greenish water. She felt tears welling in her eyes.

"Do mom and dad know?" She asked, unable to look at him.

Her brother shook his head. "I don't think so. I don't think they ever noticed you sneaking out and I never said anything." He reached forward and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Don't cry, Usagi. I won't tell anyone. I promise."

The two were silent, with Usagi looking at the scenery as her brother looked at her. She felt stupid. She thought that she had been so careful and fooled her family, but here she was finding out that she was wrong. What if Shingo had done something dangerous like followed her into a fight? What if an enemy had tortured him for information about her?

"I know that I can't really understand what that's like," he began. "But if there's someone out there who can make it easier for you, I'm happy for you. I don't care if it's Mamoru or whoever, just as long as you're happy."

"Woah, hold on. Shingo, you're getting the wrong idea. Seiya and I are just friends."

Shingo shrugged. "You seem like you really like him, and he's always really liked you."

"Don't you like Mamoru?"

"Yeah, of course I do. I think he was good for you for awhile. Honestly though? I just feel like the age difference was a little weird. I'm 17 and I can't imagine dating a 14-year-old."

She shot her brother a glare. "It's just three years," she argued.

"Which is fine now, but when you're in high school it's weird to date someone in middle school! And he's just really serious all the time. You guys are so different, I don't understand what you see in each other or how you even get along." Shingo shrugged.

Usagi wanted to defend Mamoru, but she didn't know where to start. She didn't find their age difference weird, but it certainly complicated things. She knew she was immature when they met, and that Mamoru didn't like that about her at first. When did he start to accept her? Was it when he found out that she was the princess he was looking for? Had he ever accepted her fully, or was he just waiting for Princess Serenity to emerge? She pictured herself on the moon, standing face to face with Princess Serenity. Sure, they looked alike, but would they even like each other? Were they one and the same?

She turned to Shingo and asked a question that she had been afraid to ask for months.

"What do mom and dad think?"

He sighed. "They think it's time for you to come home. Dad is annoyed that you're just living by yourself while Mamoru is out of the country. Mom told me to ask you to come home today, but I'm not going to. I know you're going to say no."

"Well, you're right about that."

"Is he still nice to you?"

"Of course, Shingo."

"Are you guys okay?"

She sighed and placed her hands on her narrow hips. She looked down at her legs, noticing that the sunlight made her neon-hued leggings seem a little too bright.

"I don't know, Shingo. It's been weird between us for awhile."

"Does he know that you're…" Shingo paused for a moment, watching a runner zoom by before he finished in a whisper, "Sailor Moon."

"Yeah, he does. It's not that. It's a lot of things, Shingo. I can't go into it all."

"I don't want to make you talk about now. Just be nice to yourself, Usagi. Don't make yourself crazy trying to make something work if it's not working."

"When did you become so wise?" Usagi asked, giving her little brother a suspicious glance. He laughed, his response a joking one, but it hurt her all the same, "Try spending a little more time with me. You'd be surprised."

She avoided his eyes and looked down at her watch. Surprised, she said quickly, "Shingo, we have to get back so I can get ready for class."

"Alright. We'll do this in intervals. Jog for two minutes and then sprint for one minute. We'll keep doing that until we get back to your place."

"No," she groaned, feeling the tears welling in her eyes again.

When she arrived at her apartment, panting and on the verge of puking, she laid down on her cool, kitchen floor and took deep breaths.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Shingo asked, now covered in a layer of sweat. He stepped over Usagi to fill a glass with water.

"You do that every day?" Usagi asked with a strained voice.

"Yeah. I was actually going to do a long run today, but I didn't sleep that well last night."

"Well, thank God for that," she mumbled. She sat up and moved on shaky legs to get her own glass of water.

"Thanks for coming with me. It was fun," he said with a smile that made her feel guilty for not spending enough time with him.

"We can do this again sometime, but can we skip the sprints?" She asked.

Shingo laughed and shook his head. As he reached the door, his green eyes lit up, as if he'd just remembered something.

"Hey, I want to ask you about this weird dream I had."

"Uh huh."

"Well, in my dream, we were kids... errm, I guess, I was a kid. There was this little girl who lived with us with pink hair." As Shingo spoke, his eyes looked dreamy and far off, concentrating on recalling the details. "She did her hair kinda like yours, actually. In my dream she lived with us. I'm pretty sure she was our cousin, and she lived in the attic." He laughed at himself and shook his head, "I know it sounds lame, but it felt so real."

Her blue eyes were wide as she tried to understand why he couldn't remember the little girl in his dream. Was it Chibiusa's magic that made him forget, or was it something else?

"I asked mom about her but she didn't know who I was talking about. She said we only have one cousin, and he has never lived with us before." He looked really pensive, and maybe a bit confused. "Does that sound like anyone you know? Maybe she was a friend of yours and she just showed up in my dream."

Usagi smiled sadly. "I used to take care of a little girl like that. That's probably who you're thinking of."

"Oh, like babysit?" Shingo sighed through his nose. "Weird. You'd think I could remember her."

"It was brief," she lied. She wondered if she would ever have to stop lying.

"Oh. What was her name?"

"Her name was Chibiusa." She tried her hardest not to cry.

"Hm," Shingo looked down as he searched his brain. Finally, he shrugged and turned the door handle. "I'll see you later, Usagi. Good luck on your exam!"

"Shingo?"

He paused, eyebrows raised.

"I'm glad you told me that you know," she said with a small smile. "We can't talk about it now, but we will. I promise."

He returned the smile and gave a short nod before closing the door behind him.

When Shingo was gone, Usagi was left with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Unfortunately, she didn't have much time to stand there and dwell on it. But when she got to class and sat down to do her first exam of the week, she couldn't think of anything but the forgotten pink-haired child in her brother's dream.

The rest of Usagi's week was a blur of tests and turning in last minute projects that she didn't feel 100% confident about, but when the weekend came and she had no school work left to do, she felt a huge weight lift from her best. Bragging to Mamoru about being finished made her feel a little bad since the busy medical student was on an American school schedule and still had a few months left of deadlines and papers. Through the camera lens, Usagi could see that his usually clear blue gaze was thick with stress and thoughts of things he should have been doing instead of talking to her. His conversations were short and distracted, and his typically neat desk was covered in papers, sticky notes, and index cards.

Seiya, on the other hand, shared her relief. After his comeback concert, the singer had experienced a whirlwind week of TV appearances, radio interviews, photo shoots, recording sessions, and rehearsals. Even though sometimes his voice was tired and a little hoarse from talking so much, she could tell that he enjoyed being busy. The attention fueled him.

To celebrate making it through the week, the pair sat on Usagi's floor, drinking glasses of chilled white wine and eating the cheesiest pizza they could order.

"Wait, so he just spilled that he knew all along? And that was it?"

"Yeah, he told me not to worry about explaining it, and that he knew."

"That's insane," Seiya murmured, pouring a second helping of white wine into his glass. Before taking a sip of the sweet liquid, he asked, "How does that make you feel?"

Usagi furrowed her eyebrows and thought hard for a moment. After carefully deciding which slice of extra extra extra cheese and pepperoni pizza she wanted, she answered, "Relieved now, I think." A little embarrassed, she added, "When he told me I cried. It was a little overwhelming, and scary to think that I had been so careless... but it's kind of nice to have one less person to hide it from."

"I can understand that," he said, reaching for another slice of pizza.

"Have you heard from Yaten or Taiki since the show?" Usagi asked, slurping a bit of cheese that dripped from her lip.

"I talked to Yaten a little bit, but I talk to Taiki pretty often anyway."

"How do you communicate them? Do you have an incense burner too?"

Seiya laughed gently. "I do, but, it's a lot easier for me to contact them through my Change Star."

When Usagi raised a curious eyebrow, Seiya brought his hand to his ear and summoned his transformation headset.

"Ooo," Usagi leaned in to get a closer look at the golden star. "Sugoi! Can I look at it?" She asked.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Seiya answered with a playful wink. Usagi laughed as she stood up, careful to steady the glass of wine that threatened to tip. She bounced down the hallway and disappeared into her bedroom. Moments later, she reappeared with her golden compact. Handing the jewel-encrusted heart over to her trusted friend, Usagi began to look at the mysterious device that allowed Seiya to transform into Sailor Star Fighter.

"Wow, this is amazing," she heard Seiya gasp from across from her. Usagi looked up briefly, watching the way her friend's eyes widened once the broach was opened and the Silver Crystal glimmered inside. She was used to seeing it every day, but she never stopped admiring how beautiful the object was.

She looked back down at the Change Star in her hands, marveling at how similar it was to her own transformation broach. The star was golden, and it felt solid and cool in her small hands. With her other hand, she gently traced the shape of the white, firm "feather" with her fingertips. She thought it would be softer, but was surprised to feel that it was hard, just like the gold star. Her mind thought back to their conversation weeks ago. The idea of releasing a guardian from her service, especially one as strong and devoted as Sailor Star Fighter, was so foreign to her. But when she truly thought about it, she knew she would have done the same. Her love for her guardians would overrule any sort of duty that they were expected to have. Their happiness meant the world to her, as it probably did to Princess Kakyuu.

"What is it like?" Usagi looked up. "What is it like living as Sailor Star Fighter all the time? Everyone knows who you are?"

Seiya took a moment to trace the angles of the crystal on the broach before he looked up. "It's nice to not have a big secret that I have to keep from everyone. It was freeing… in some ways," he finished.

"Some ways?" Usagi asked.

"Living here on Earth and keeping the secret was hard at times, but I liked that I could have privacy."

"Privacy?" Usagi interjected, an amused smile on her face.

"Well, obviously I'm famous, but that's not what I mean. Here I'm famous for my art, and not for my duty. On Earth I get to have friendships and relationships with people that are based on who I am and not because of who I serve."

"When you wrote to me, you would send me song lyrics sometimes," she paused briefly, thinking of the songs she has heard Seiya bring to life over the past few weeks. "Did you ever perform there?"

Seiya shook his head. "No, never like this. It wouldn't be appropriate."

Usagi nodded to show her understanding. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her.

"Do you have a family on Kinmoku?"

"I had my parents, but they died when Galaxia destroyed our home two years ago."

"Oh, Seiya-kun… I didn't know." She scooted closer and rested the headset on the table before resting her hand over his. "You never told me that."

"I didn't really know until I returned," he said. "My first duty was to find the Princess. I wasn't sure if they were alive or not, but I had hoped…"

Usagi gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It's okay." He paused, his eyes looking down at their overlapped hands. "My parents had been off-planet on one of Kinmoku's moons when it happened. They survived, but they went back with a rescue team to look for other survivors. Even the ground was unstable after Galaxia was done with it, and they died in some kind of collapse. If they had been devoured by Chaos then maybe their star seeds would have been saved, but… they weren't restored when you defeated her. They couldn't be." He sighed, a faraway look in his blue eyes. "They died trying to help others, so I try to take comfort in that."

Like you almost did, Usagi thought. But her thought was like a key that opened the door to a flood of images: Fighter, Healer, and Maker bloody and battered, Chaos striking her friends…. She closed her eyes for a moment and took deep, slow breaths. Through her pain, she tried to focus on the sound of Seiya's voice.

"I miss them a lot. I don't think the pain will ever go away, but it does get easier to live with. Talking about them helps."

It took a moment for Usagi to process what he said, but when she did, she nodded quickly. "Yes, I'm glad," she murmured. When her heart stopped fluttering and she felt like she could breathe normally, she looked up and was surprised to find Seiya staying right at her with sharp, focused eyes. She felt exposed beneath his gaze.

"What?" She murmured, looking away.

"You should try it sometime," he said.

"Try what?"

"Talking about the things that hurt you. It really does help."

He had her full attention now. Usagi looked at him with wide, surprised cerulean eyes. "I don't know what you mean," she lied.

"I can see it, Odango." Seiya moved his body closer and his hand rested on Usagi's cheek. His hand was soft and warm, and she resisted learning into it. She closed her eyes, hoping to shut him out and stop him from seeing into her. She didn't understand how she could admire that about him, yet hate it so much.

"I can see the sadness in you," he murmured, undeterred by her closed eyes. He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek and spoke in a low, husky voice that made her feel like she wanted to melt. "That darkness doesn't belong in your eyes, Usagi-chan."

"Seiya..." she started. She could feel her lips tremble, so she clenched her jaw, hoping to stop it. "I don't know how to share this part of myself with anyone."

"Do you trust me?" He asked gently.

"With my life," she said without hesitation.

"Then talk to me."

"I can't. I don't know where to start, Seiya-kun."

"Yes, you do. What were you feeling just now when I mentioned the final battle?"

She held her hand to her chest and closed her eyes, willing the tears to stay inside. "I feel like I failed everyone. I feel like everyone put their faith in me-and for what? What if I hadn't beaten Galaxia? What if I had been wrong, and if I continued to hold back and if… what if you, Yaten, and Taiki had died too? What if all of those deaths had been for nothing? I didn't beat Chaos because of my skill. It was all luck."

She was sobbing now and she wiped roughly at her face, ashamed to be feeling so upset. Ashamed that even though Seiya had confided in her about his parents, that she was the one being consoled. He listened to her quietly, tightening his grip on her hand.

"That's not all, is it?" He coaxed her, trying to pull more from her. He wouldn't let her hold back. At this point, she didn't want to.

"It's not the only thing that hurts me, Seiya, but it's what I can't stop thinking about. What if something else comes and kills everyone? What if I don't win this time? What will I do if I have to watch them die again, in front of me, and not be able to bring them back? We've had so many chances and have cheated death so many times, but what happens when it doesn't work anymore? What happens if…" She stopped talking, the sobs choking back the words she wanted to say. Those words made her head feel like and her stomach queasy. She felt Seiya's warm hand on her back, it gently stroking her through the material of her sweater.

"If what, Odango? Say it. It's what you always wanted to say," he murmured.

"Seiya," she looked at him with wide, desperate eyes that clutched at his heart. "What if there is too much of Chaos inside of me and I'm the one who kills everyone?"

This time, he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

"I know it seems impossible; that I need to trust in my power and what I did to get rid of her, I'm just so terrified of ending up just like Sailor Galaxia. I know I'm strong, but I know Chaos is stronger." She turned her face into his chest to hide her tears and whispered coarsely, "I'm just waiting for everyone to be sick of waiting for me to be okay. I see the way Mamoru looks at me. He thinks I'm so wrapped up in my own head that I don't pay attention to him, but I see how annoyed he is with me all the time."

When she could no longer speak and cried into Seiya's embrace, he asked her gently, "Can I say something?"

She murmured a soft, "Mmhmm" against his chest.

"You just said so many 'what ifs', Usagi-chan," Seiya began. "But I have one for you. What if you're wrong about all of it, including how Mamoru feels about you? What if he's not annoyed at all, but he just doesn't know how to help you?"

She didn't answer. She gripped a fistful of his shirt in one hand, letting her tears flow freely. When he spoke, she could feel his voice rumble through his chest.

"Do you talk to anyone else about this, Odango?"

"I don't think anyone else could understand Seiya-kun," Usagi whispered quietly.

"Have you given anyone else the chance to understand?"

"I can't. I feel so bad, Seiya. I don't have the right to be so upset about this... it's shameful. They literally died for me, what do I have to complain about?"

"Odango," Seiya lifted his eyebrows. "I didn't die either. Does that mean I shouldn't be upset by what we went through?"

"Oh, god, no, Seiya!" She looked up quickly, red-faced and puffy-eyed. "I didn't mean that. You went through so much. You fought for me, you gave everything you had... you would have died for me. And you were so hurt, I-"

"Odango, shh, stop," he said quickly, moving his hand to cup her face. Usagi let out a shaky sigh, her mind going back to the night they said goodbye. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I would have died for you then, and I'd do it again now in a heartbeat. I'm just making a point. Just because I'm alive doesn't mean I'm not hurt inside. You watched almost everyone you cared about die in front of you. You found out your boyfriend had been dead for months. I'm not judging you for being damaged by this. No one does."

Usagi leaned into Seiya and wrapped her arms around his body. With her face once again buried against his t-shirt, she began to weep. He stroked the top of her blonde head with slow, gentle fingers.

He lowered his head and whispered into her hair, "It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to feel it. If you don't feel it, it will never go away."

"No one gets me like you do," she cried. She wept again, her body shaking with loud sobs as Seiya tightened his hold. After some time, her sobs turned into silent tears, and then to small sniffles. She lifted her head from his shirt, wet with her warm tears, and wiped at her face with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry. I got your shirt all wet," she mumbled, embarrassed. He took a clean napkin from the table and handed it to her with a gentle smile. "It's okay, Odango."

She took some time wiping her tears and sniffling. After some deep breaths, she looked up at him. Her shimmering eyes were rimmed with red.

"This is so embarrassing. I'm sure I look awful," she grumbled.

"No," he said softly. "You look beautiful."

Her lips curved into a smile, wanting to laugh, but she stopped short when she caught the sincerity in his gaze. As she became fully aware of how close they were-just inches away with his warm, calloused fingers still resting on the small of her back, she had to remind herself to breathe. She forgot about the swelling under her eyes and the dryness of her lips.

And then she did something she never imagined herself doing.

She leaned forward and placed a kiss on Seiya's lips. It was light and hesitant; a question more than a command. She felt him freeze beneath her and then expel a warm, shaky breath against her lips. Just when she thought he wasn't going to to respond, he did. His lips parted and his hand slipped underneath her sweater, laying to rest on the soft skin of her lower back. She pressed harder, savoring the softness of his lips and the taste of sweet wine. Her heart raced, and as they continued to kiss, her mind wandered toward all the things that kissing can lead up to.

It was then that her phone vibrated loudly against the the glass table with a clamorous sound. With a gasp, she pulled away so quickly that she nearly fell over. She bumped into the table, sending the glass of white wine tumbling to the floor.

"Oh my God," she rushed out, her eyes wildly going between the yellowed stain making its way into her white carpet and the man she had just kissed.

"Odango… I'm sorry, I-"

"No, it wasn't you. Oh. Oh, no. What am I doing?" Her words were frantic as she quickly stood up and barrelled down the hallway, closing her bedroom door behind her.

Seiya sat down on the couch and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. "Shit," he cursed under his breath. He laid back roughly and closed his eyes. After taking some time to calm his breathing, he tossed a few napkins on to the spill and patted it gently. Once he was done cleaning up as much liquid as he could get out of the carpet, he was beginning to realize that Usagi was not coming back. Hesitantly, he walked to her bedroom door and softly knocked on the thin wood.

"Odango?" He called.

Through the door he heard her teary, muffled voice say, "Seiya-kun, I'm sorry."

He could hear rustling against the door. She must have been leaning against it.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I shouldn't have done that," she cried out. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Let me in," he said gently. "Let's talk about it."

"No. No, I … I'm sorry, it's not your fault Seiya, but I need you to go. I need space."

He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the bedroom door. No matter how many times he imagined his first real kiss with Usagi, it never looked like this.

"Okay," he said. He waited for her to change her mind, but it never came.

"Please, Seiya," she said, her voice more clear and in control, though still soaked with tears.

"If you need me, just call me, okay? It's going to be okay." And with that, he backed away from the door.

Usagi sat with her back against the door, with her arms wrapped around her knees, pulling them toward her chest. As the tears fell from her eyes, she wished she could ask Seiya to stay. The rustling of car keys from the living room was followed by slow, dragging steps, and then the gentle opening and closing of her front door. She held her breathe, trying her best to listen for any sounds. A small part of her hoped he was tricking her - that he wasn't actually leaving.

After a minute of silence, she accepted that he was gone.

She threw herself onto her bed, and with her face buried deep within her pillow, she began to weep. She let it all out, willing all her feelings to leave her body and soak into the fabric of the pillow. She stayed that way for some time until she had no tears left to cry and her body felt weak, and then finally, she fell asleep.