Earth 007
Sheriff Noah Stilinski stared at the concrete wall of the bizarre cell the supervillain had placed him and his friends in. Inside the room, he was forced to share two cots with both Chris Argent and Melissa McCall. Obviously between the three of them, two would have to share one and it appeared Melissa and Chris would be bunking up. At the center of the room, a steel toilet appeared next to a metal sink and he prayed that none of them had to use it anytime soon.
"I'm assuming nobody has to go number two right now," said Noah as the three stared at the toilet.
"I'm good," Chris raised his brows. "I'd rather squat in the corner.
His girlfriend, Melissa, flinched. "Please don't. It's bad enough that we're jailed here but I'm worried about the kids."
"That damn kitsune," Chris sneered. "Kuza's portal powers took us to some unknown island again but this time with armed soldiers and mercenaries. They confiscated all our weapons and separated us! Allison might be in trouble right now!"
The sheriff scratched his head as he addressed the weird elephant in the room. "I'm sure the kids are fine. They've been in worse situations. I'm more curious about the attire our captors are wearing."
Melissa nodded her head. "Exactly, leather harnesses and assless chaps? Is this a BDSM club?"
Chris shook his head. "I don't think so. These soldiers are well organized. No way can this be just a kinky fetish thing. These guys are trained killers."
Melissa rubbed a finger across her lips thinking. "Do you think this universe is maybe a porno film reality?"
"Melissa!" Chris's mouth dropped. "You have a dirty mind! No way can this be an alternative world of that nature!"
The sheriff shrugged. "I mean we've seen superheroes, internal sex monologues, and Stiles riding a dragon. I'm sure we're just waiting for the bow chica wow wow jazzy music to appear."
Melissa flinched. "Eww! No way in hell then am I sleeping on any of those cots without a black light! That is so disgusting!"
Suddenly, the main door of the cell opened. A pair of muscular men in leather harnesses and speedos entered the room, disguised in their fetish masks. They carried assault rifles with them as they escorted a skinny man with curly dark hair, sporting an eyepatch on his left eye, and wearing a lab coat glared at the trio inside.
Melissa studied his features intently and despite the masculine appearance, she recognized him instantly. It was her, well not her as a female, but herself as a male version but more menacing. Holy shit! I'm a dude!
"Velcome!" announced the gender bending Miss Call. "I am Dr. Mel Mykonos, zee lead scientist vor zee Society of Extremists and Xenophobes, or as ve like to call ourselves, S. E. X.!
"Sex?" clucked the sheriff. "Seriously? You couldn't come up with a better name?"
Dr. Mel Mykonos scoffed. "You insult me! Ov course, ve couldn've come up vit a better name but everyone was busy so ve voted on it last minute! Besides, it makes better sense and S. E. X. has a nice ring to it!" He paused for a bit, before looking straight at Melissa. "You look familiar? Have ve met somevere before?"
Melissa quickly shook her head. "Nope. Can't say that I have!" She hoped her lie would be convincing."
"It doesn't matter," stated the doctor. "Soon you all vill meet zee Master!" Spinning on his heels, he signaled to his fetish wearing guards as they followed him outside and shut the door behind him.
Once again, the trio was left alone as Melissa McCall shared her notes with her two companions. "Didn't you notice something strange about Dr. Mel Mykonos?"
Chris shook his head. It still didn't dawn on him. "No. Other than the silly villainous group he's in, nothing seems to register."
Unlike Chris Argent, the answer came to Sheriff Noah Stilinski. "Chris, it's the play on words of Melissa's name. Melissa McCall? Doctor…Mel…Mykonos?"
A lightbulb went off in the Argent hunter's brain. It finally clicked. "Oh Melissa McCall, Mel Mykonos…" He then realized in surprise the revelation. "A gender bending doppelganger in this universe? You're a man in this world?"
Melissa nodded. "Freaky isn't it? Yeah, I guess they swap sexes in this reality. I kind of guessed how similar Dr. Mykonos facial features are to mine but it never really clicked."
"I wonder who else has been gender swapped in this universe, " noted the sheriff. "Melissa can't be the only one."
Chris examined the edge of the wall. "At this point, it doesn't matter. We first need to find a way out of here, retrieve our arsenal and find the rest of the group along with Kuza to teleport us out of here."
The other two agreed and began looking for any chance of escape from their cell.
On the other side of the hallway, Stiles, Scott, and Allison were being led down a series of corridors to some unknown place designated just for them.
"Do you know where they're taking us?" Scott whispered to Stiles.
"No clue," shrugged Stiles. "Just don't wolf out yet. We don't know how many of these freaks carry heat since they stole all of ours."
"Scott, Stiles," Allison whispered to the two. "There's only four of them guarding us. I think we can take them if Scott becomes an Alpha."
"I got this if you're ready, guys!" Scott whispered back. "Stiles, you in?"
"I didn't train in the FBI to be a prisoner," said Stiles. "I'll disarm the one behind me if you get the other three!"
"I'll take the two in front," Scott gestured to Allison. "Allison, do you think you can handle the one to the left?"
She nodded.
"On the count of three," suggested the FBI agent. "One…two…"
"Three!" Scott growled. Eyes glowing red and baring fangs and claws, the Alpha lunged at the two leather guards in front and quickly disposed of their weapons. Tossing one to the side and slamming into the other, both were taken down with ease.
Allison disarmed her opponent with ease with a throat punch to the guard's Adam' apple. Clutching his throat for air, the Argent hunter did a roundhouse punch to the face before landing a kick to her enemy's groin and finally the ribcage. Now flat on his back, the skilled Allion finished her move with a knock punch to the face that rendered him unconscious.
Stiles needed a few more minutes as he tried to wrestle the gun away from his guy. Unfortunately, the fetish soldier was covered in too much baby oil for the FBI agent to grapple him to the ground. Instead, he did what he normally did when he was in trouble. He screamed for help.
"Scott!"
The Alpha raced toward his friend as the fetish guard aimed his rifle at him. However, before the trigger could be pulled, Scott leaped toward the oiled up soldier and slammed his head into the belly of the fetish guard. The strange enemy flew black, slamming his head against the back of the opposite wall and toppled to the floor unconscious. Scott pulled Stiles up and went to check on him.
"You okay?"
Stiles attempted to act nonchalant. "Yeah, I almost had him."
"Sure you did," Scott smirked. He then returned to business and addressed his friends. "Grab the rifles! We need to find our parents and Kuza!"
Allison and Stiles picked up the rifles from the sleeping guards and ran with Scott down the hallway. Coming to a large entrance, they readied their weapons as the doors started to open.
"We got this!" Stiles said to his friends. "We took down four guards already!"
How wrong he was. Instead of four guards, there were fourteen of them that appeared as the doors opened. Steadying their guns, they targeted the trio.
"Drop your weapons!" The fetish soldiers announced. "Or we will fire!"
Allison and Stiles slowly lowered their guns and raised their hands up, as did Scott. Then without provocation, they heard the worst from the lead guard.
"Dr. Mykonos doesn't need them after all. Kill them instead!"
Rifles raised, the soldiers steadied their triggers.
An explosion came from above the ceiling. The trio hit the deck as dust and debris flew everywhere. Through the haze, two figures appeared. Female, voluptuous, one dark haired and the other blonde, wearing skintight latex jumpsuits, leather stiletto boots and wielding something large in their arms.
Assault rifles.
"Die turkeys!" The breathy blonde declared. She and her dark haired partner began firing as a hail of bullets took down all fourteen of the leather soldiers. Blood stained the entrance and the walls of the corridor as the fetish guards laid dead in a pile of scarlet cadavers.
Once the gals stopped firing. The dark-haired one made a sign of the cross with her hand and then turned to the three on the floor. "In the name of H. Y. M. E. N., we have saved you poor citizens!"
Stiles cringed. "H. Y. M. E. N.?"
Allison jumped in just as confused. "Are you sure that is what you want to be known for?"
The dark haired one smiled and jiggled as the zipper to her latex jumpsuit dropped, revealing enough skin of her decolletage. She nodded. "Of course, we're part of H. Y. M. E. N. which stands for the Headquarters of Young Maidens Emergency Network. We're a branch of S. L. U. T., the Saving Leaders Ultimate Team. I'm Agent Scottalynn MaryKay and this is Agent Stella Lynxskeet."
Stiles looked at the dark-haired operative then to the blonde agent before it clicked. Dear God, I'm a sexy, blonde agent in this world. He took her appearance all in.
Like her partner, this Agent Stella Lynxskeet, had more feminine features, blonde hair, and big boobs, but there was no denying the boyish innocence that she exuded.
In a breathy voice, Stella explained everything. "Our organization got word that the nefarious villain Dr. No-Ah and his evil henchmen are planning on ransoming the earth for a trillion dollars or they will blow it up with a high powered laser. We're here to stop them and save all their captives."
"Exactly," Agent Scottalynn agreed. She cocked her position and bent over, exposing her gifted cleavage. "Will you help us save the world and everyone?"
Allison rolled her eyes at Scott and whispered. "You do know that Scottalynn is a female version of you but more provocative."
"I know," Scott whispered back. "But right now let's not dwell on genderbending and focus on saving our parents and Kuza. These agents are the only ones to get us through this situation."
"So will you help us? Pwetty pwease!" Agent Scottlynn pouted her huge lips.
I swear that those are fake like her breasts. Allison thought to herself. She let out a sigh. "All right but we have to save some of our family members and friends who have been imprisoned here. Do you know the layout of this place?"
"Of course," Agent Stella Lynxskeet nodded furiously while her breasts jiggled up and down. "The supervillains always seem to not change their lair. It's like they always prefer the old boring blueprints and no imagination. Follow us and we'll take you to where they must be keeping your friends and family."
"Lead the way, you S. L. U. T. T. Y. agents!" Stiles sarcastically said.
"Hey!" Scott protested. "Don't S. L. U. T. shame them!"
Agent Scottalynn giggled. "There's no shame in being a S. L. U. T.! In fact, I'm proud to be an operative of S. L. U. T.! Isn't that right S. L. U. T. Agent Stella?"
Stella laughed again and jiggled as her bust nearly spilled out of her latex jumpsuit. "We're proud S. L. U. T.s who are happy to have our H. Y. M. E. N. pop on over to our missions like a cherry on top!" She giggled again.
Allison groaned. "Out of curiosity, was there ever an I. Q. test to be a spy?"
"No silly," snickered Agent Stella. "Just an S. T. D. test."
The Argent hunter's eyes widened. "S. T. D."
"The Standardized Talent Determiner," said Agent Scottalynn. "It's the pool that determines who is good enough to be a spy. There's an oral exam. A handy report."
"Handy report?" Scott scratched his head.
"Yeah, you have to HAND in your written essays during the test," clucked Scottalynn. "Duh?"
"And don't forget bending over for that A. N. A. L. test" Stella purred.
Stiles stuttered. "A. N. A. L. test?"
Stella proudly nodded. "The Annual Network Analytics List. It's a compilation of all the missions and savings that have been done in the field as part of an algorithm equation. It's graduate experience studies!"
"Okay," Allison curled her mouth while trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. "Let's focus on finding our parents."
"Yes," said Agent Scottalynn. "Follow us."
The trio trailed after the pair of ladies as they pranced through the rest of the lair.
Near a huge pit of water that contained several hungry sharks, a cage near the edge was heavily guarded by multiple fetish men in their leather gear touting guns and other weaponry. Inside were the three parents: Chris, Melissa, and the sheriff as they stared down at their captors as well as the predicament they were in.
"I guess trying to dismantle the wiring of your cell does alert the guards," Chris noted.
"I'm more concerned with the weirdo supervillain keeping us here." Melissa remarked.
"Weirdo?" Their captor cackled. "You will know true evil real soon, my dear!" A bald headed man in a military-style suit, holding a hairless pink cat, petted his animal while glaring at his captives inside the cage. The sheriff examined his features and he and their captor looked each other over and realized how similar their features were.
Oh crap! It's me! Noah Stilinski thought to himself.
"They say everyone has a twin in the world," commented their enemy in a pseudo-European accent. "I must say it's true. Muhahaha!" He cackled like some movie villain while stroking his cat. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. No-Ah!"
"Shit, sheriff," Chris muttered to Noah. "You're a supervillain in this universe."
The sheriff rubbed his face. "Don't remind me. I'm still processing it."
"Silence!" Dr. No-Ah snapped. "As I was saying, I'm the biggest supervillain and soon the world will know it! Isn't that right, Christopher?" He addressed his hairless feline in his arms. Chris Argent was not amused when the sheriff laughed.
"Chris, you're his…my pet!" The sheriff giggled again.
Chris Argent rolled his eyes. "Let's now dwell on the details."
"Silence! I'm not finished with my villainous speech!" snapped Dr. No-Ah. "As I was saying, myself and my evil organization of D. I. C. K., the Department of Infernal Catastrophes and Killings, shall make all the countries bend to my will!"
Melissa scoffed. "D. I. C. K.? What is with you evildoers and your ridiculous names?"
Dr. No-Ah frowned. "It's a good name, so there!" He made his point known by sticking his tongue at her. "Now stop being jelly, and let me finish. As I was saying, I, Dr. No-Ah, shall rule the world with an iron fist when I release my superpowered Destructo Ray and eradicate those nations that oppose me!" He turned to the large door behind him. "Bring out the Destructo Ray!"
The huge door slid as a group of guards pulled out a large machine with something long and pointy sticking out of it. Followed behind it was Melissa's clone, Dr. Mykonos, who proudly clapped at the creation.
"It's vonderful, Dr. No-Ah!" Dr. Mykonos grinned wickedly. "The machine is ready!"
"You mean that giant dildo is going to destroy the world?" Chris shot a sarcastic look at the supervillain.
"For the last time," Dr. No-Ah took offense. "It's not a sex toy. It was just built that way! Now watch!" He pointed to the ceiling as it opened up and lowered another cage half way down toward the pit of water containing the man eating sharks. Inside was Kuza and Harry the pug who barked while looking annoyed.
"Kuza!" Melissa shouted. "Are you okay?"
The kitsune looked miffed as Harry the pug barked through the cage. "Not really." She pointed at Dr. No-Ah. "This asshole stole my katana and locked me up in a cage and from what I can tell he's dangling me on top of some shark infested pool. Yup, this really is not a good day for me!" She rattled the bars of her cage. "Seriously? You can't get even more cliche' in a spy movie?"
"What spy movie?" Dr. No-Ah asked in confusion as he shrugged his shoulders. "This is the most creative plan a supervillain can make to bend the nations to my whim. Muhahaha!" His laughter was even ridiculous.
Kuza rolled her eyes. "Even the sinister laughter is a trope. Dude, you really need to get more imaginative. I've seen this evil plotline done a million times." She put an L to her forehead. "Loser!"
"Do not taunt ze Master!" Dr. Mykonos shouted. "He is ze brilliant and most ingenious supervillain there is!"
"Yeah!" Dr. No-Ah frowned while stroking his hairless Christopher the cat. He stuck out his tongue at her. "I am brilliant and ingenious, so there! I'll show you. Toss in her sword into the Destructo Ray machine!"
"Right Master!" Dr. Mykonos nodded. He darted out of the room and returned quickly with the kitsune's katana and tossed her enchanted weapon inside the tip of the phallic machine's entrance."
"Oh great," Kuza groaned. "You're giving it a catheter! Are you treating it for a urinary infection?" She laughed.
"For the last time!" Dr. No-Ah. "It's not a penis machine! It's a dangerous weapon that will annihilate countries! Now watch!" He went over and pushed a button. "The metallic properties of your sword are not located on any periodic table and appear otherworldly. Since it is connected to you, it will drain your lifeforce to power it up!" The gauge on the phallic device reached full level as a beam energy flashed on the kitsune.
At first Kuza felt nothing and shrugged and bits of sparks hit her. She smirked. "Is this even working? I'm feeling nothing but annoying lights blinding me right now…" She stopped as a wave of exhaustion and fatigue overcame her. She dropped to the floor of the cage tired as Harry the pug barked at the audacity of Dr. No-Ah's weapon attack.
"Kuza!" Melissa gasped. "Are you okay?"
Kuza yawned. "Just a little bit sleepy. I could use an energy drink right now…" Slowly, she dozed off and started snoring. She must be a sound sleeper because even Harry's barks couldn't wake her up.
"Now everyone!" Dr. No-Ah declared. "Watch the screens!"
A series of computer screens popped up everywhere inside the room as the Destructo Ray lit up to full capacity. The supervillain pushed another button and the tip of the device shot a huge laser into the sky, going from the earth's atmosphere into space and striking the dome of the nearby satellite. Then in a few seconds, the satellite fired the ray back hitting a huge iceberg in Antarctica, exploding it into a million tiny ice shards onto the water. The henchman cheered and applauded both the two doctors.
"You've done it, Dr. No-Ah!" Dr. Mykonos clapped. "You will be all ze nations to their knees!"
"I did, didn't I?" Dr. No-Ah said proudly. He turned to his prisoners. "And that is only at quarter capacity. Imagine what I can do at full tilt!" He cackled again. "Muhahaha!"
The sheriff clutched the bars of their cage. "You'll never get away with this, you monster!"
Chris and Melissa looked at their companion weirdly at his remark.
The sheriff shrugged. "What? I figured if we're in a cheesy spy flick, we might as well spout corny lines!"
"Silence!" Dr. No-Ah raised his hand. "Now we try again but this time Italy?"
"Why Italy, doctor?" Dr. Mykonos asked.
"Because Italy doesn't believe the Olive Garden is real Italian cuisine," Dr. No-Ah explained. "And they're always rude to foreigners!"
"Erased Italy, it is!" Dr. Mykonos announced. He went over to take another bit of life essence off the sleeping kitsune. "Say goodbye to pizza and spaghetti!"
An explosion from the wall caught the attention of everyone inside. From the debris and dust, two sexy latex clad women appeared holding guns as they posed back to back.
"Everyone is under arrest, turkeys!" Agent Stella announced. "Drop your weapons or be spanked by H. Y. M. E. N.!"
"In the name of S. L. U. T.," added Agent Scottalynn, pouting her lips. "We will end your reign of terror once and for all, Dr. No-Ah!"
Melissa looked at the two bimbo women who had come to rescue them and curled her mouth. "These two thots are our saviors? Jeez, this universe is really messed up!"
Behind the two women, Scott, Stiles and Allison came rushing in carrying rifles as they pointed it at the guards.
"Scott! Allison!" Chris waved his hands though the cage. "You got to stop the machine! It's draining Kuza's life energy!"
Scott wolfed out and leaped at the dangling cage over the pit. The guards raised their rifles to fire before the sound of the machine shutting off caught everyone's attention.
"What is happening?" Dr. No-Ah sneered. He turned to Dr. Mykonos. "Why do you turn off the machine?"
Dr. Mykonos smirked at the archvillain. "Because I'm not Dr. Mykonos, you tyrant!" The Melissa male clone, reached into his face and pulled away the latex covering to reveal another person disguised underneath. This person wore a tuxedo, had a buff physique, and had the most chiseled handsome face and gorgeous dark eyes that matched his equally dark hair. He displayed a most wicked grin on his face.
Allison studied this stranger that wore the mask and gasped. "Shit! It's me but as a dude!"
"Alexander Argento, Agent Triple X," the manly spy purred. "I prefer my drinks like my women. Shaken and stirred!"
"Ohhhh Alex!" Agent Scottalynn cooed. Agent Triple X spun the sexy operative around and dipped her.
"Don't forget me too, Alex ohhhh!" Agent Stella hummed. He dipped her as well.
"Dang!" Stiles remarked as he shot a look at Allison. "Your male self is a playa in this universe and a spy!"
Agent Alexander Argento spun his two co-agents around again before releasing them, whipping out his pistol and aiming it at Dr. No-Ah. "Give up, Dr. No-Ah! Me and the other agents of W. H. O. R. E., the World Hero Organization of Rescuing Enterprise, have you and your lair surrounded! Release the prisoners and the international courts might show some mercy on you!"
Dr. No-Ah sneered while petting the hairless Christopher in his arms. "Never! What happened to Dr. Mykonos?"
The suave agent smiled. "I knocked him out, tied him up, and disguised myself as him to find out your dastardly plan! Luckily, Agents Scottalynn and Stella of S. L. U. T. infiltrated your base ahead of time and now you've lost, Dr. No-Ah! I suggest you give up!"
"It'll be a cold day in Hell before Dr. No-Ah surrenders!" The archvillain stated. He signaled to all his henchmen. "Get them!"
The leather guards and soldiers surrounded the operatives but with all the shooting, dance fighting, and hand to hand combat, the three spies took down Dr. No-Ah's henchmen with ease and with sexiness. Up above, Scott used the distraction to use lycanthrope abilities to break open the bars of Kuza's cage, grab the unconscious kitsune and pug Harry and leap down to where his friends are at. Thankfully, Allison and Stiles were able to break open the locks of the cage to let Chris, Melissa, and the sheriff out of their prison.
"You've lost, Dr. No-Ah!" Agent Triple X taunted the evil doer. "Give up now! Your weapon is useless!"
"I'm not defeated yet, Agent Triple X!" Dr. No-Ah declared. He threw Christoper the cat at the machine, smashing the on button with its hairless body as the Destructo Ray turned on. However, with the life energy of kitsune's power, it would be rendered useless.
Suddenly, a light portal appeared above a swirl of darkened mist as the Beast appeared roaring on top of the phallic invention. Angrily, it smashed the machine causing the gauge to spin out of control. Fearful of the ramifications, Dr. No-Ah ran toward the feral monster.
"Stop!" The archvillain protested. "You don't know how sensitive the life energy store inside my machine is! It's unstable!"
The Destructo Ray rattled, smoke gathered around the device as the Beast continued to pound on the object. Everyone looked worried.
"Ooooh Alex!" Agent Stella curled her pouty mouth. "Save me! I'm too beautiful to die!" She wrapped her arms around the secret agent.
"Me too, Alex!" Agent Scottalynn embraced him as well. "But I'm too sexy!"
"Don't worry, ladies," Agent Triple X grinned. "We're too hot to die on missions!" He held both women tight in each arm as he dipped them.
The Destructo Ray vibrated out of control as flames surrounded it. It now had become unstable as the Beast continued to smash through the wiring and tech of the device. Smoke filled everywhere as sparks and waves of light spun out of control. Shards of metal coming from the kitsune's katana now broke into a million pieces, turning into flicks of light and shooting in all directions. Scott looked down to see a sleeping Kuza looking transparent and disappearing within his arms.
"What is happening?" Allison asked the group. She looked down to notice her hand looking see-through and slowly fading away.
"We're vanishing!" Stiles gasped as he watched his friends and father slowly fading away. "It has something to do with Kuza's magic. She's not in control anymore with her teleportations!"
Chris reached out to Allison but vanished. Allison screamed before she too blinked out of existence. Scott and Melissa tried to hold hands but they too disappeared along with Kuza who left into the void.
Finally, there was Noah Stilinksi who sadly looked at his son and mouthed the words I love you, son before vanishing.
Left alone holding Harry the pug, Stiles watched light spill everywhere, flames engulfed the lair, and a desperate Dr. No-Ah was thrown into the shark pit by the Beast after he tried to stop him. The screams of the archvillain were no longer heard as the pool filled with the splashes of blood. Another flicker of light and the Beast vanished from this universe which now left the FBI agent observing everything destroyed.
Luckily, a rescue copter extended a ladder through the broken ceiling as Agent Triple X, and the two S. L. U. T. operatives climbed on to it to make their escape.
Stiles looked down at a disappearing Harry and thought to himself. I guess we'll be meeting soon, Derek. A ball of blinding light surrounded him until nothing was left but darkness.
Yo Harry the Pug here! Yeah, I know what you're thinking? A talking dog in this fanfic? Hell, why not?
Anyhoo! Stay tuned cause there's more like another two multiverses before we get to the meat of the story.
It's not a Sterek story with a Sterek and Stiles! That's why you came here so keep your underwear untwisted while you wait for the next installment to be written. Jeez, the writer has a life you know!
In the meantime, listen as I sing the theme song to this 007 Triple X parody!
Dr. No-Ah!
He's the man!
The man with the penis machine
An erectile dysfunction peen!
Such a Dr. No-Ah!
Defeated by Agent Triple X
But don't ask about S. E. X!
He loves only himself…
He loves only himself…
He loves Dr. No-AAAAAAHHHHH!
Now shark food!