Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

Author's Note: When I have writer's block, I often write a lot of random snippets of ideas, omakes, and continuations of other author's ideas that kind of petered out. As I'm afflicted with a bit of writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart (again), I've decided I'm not going to leave you guys in the lurch. Therefore, enjoy some writing I've been doing over at The Fanfiction Forum.

Just some random silliness from the Konoha: Ghostbusters thread.

Brilliant, he told himself. Just fucking brilliant. Tell the Daimyo of Fire Country they can handle whatever-it-is that's about to enter their world where armies of ninjas can't. Something even the Kyuubi trembled at.

Sasuke shook his head in disbelief. Why did I have to get assigned to the team with psychotic idiots?

He found himself thinking this every step up the gigantic, ancient building with the ominous temple on top. The central focus of all the spiritual activity in Fire Country. Where he, the dobe, Sakura, and that Hyuuga girl were inside, prepared to battle the unknown menace and hopefully save the world.

They reached the top of the stairs onto the ancient temple steps, just in time to see Rock Lee and Yamanaka Ino be blasted by purple lightening, the massive doors of the temple opening in the circuit of psychic energies. His Sharingan told him just how dire their situation was, the raw spiritual power nearly blinding him.

"INO!" Naruto screamed, just before the blonde girl and Lee transformed into hideous, deformed, horned dogs. The five Ghostbusters had taken cover, and now looked again. The nearest dog, the one that had been Ino, turned and snarled at them, while the one that had been Rock Lee howled at Sakura's appearance.

Sasuke looked over at Naruto, unsure of what to say. Naruto turned to look at him, looking exceedingly grim.

"So... She's a dog," he mumbled. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Yes... She is..."

Looking into the other dimension the door to the temple had opened, a small part of Naruto's mind was in awe. An actual inter-dimensional cross-rip! Sure, he acted like an idiot a lot, but he'd studied the notes and journals of the Ghostbusters just as long as Sakura had, and he was already doing some mental calculations on the planar mechanics of this dimension.

He caught sight of the terror dog that had been Ino, and his mind quieted. Save the world now, geek out later, he told himself.

The doors to the otherworld temple that the steps led to opened with a flash of light, and a figure stepped out. Sakura had her PKE meter out, while the less-professional members of their group stared.

"It's... A girl?" Hinata asked. Sasuke frowned.

"From the notes you gave us, I thought Gozer was supposed to be a man."

"It's whatever it wants to be," Sakura stated simply.

"Well whatever it is, it's gotta get by us first!" Naruto shouted.

"Right!" Hinata contributed.

"Go get her Sasuke!"

Sasuke blinked, and turned to look at Naruto. The blond looked back.

"What? You're the nobility here. You go talk to her."

"You're the leader," Sasuke stated sarcastically. "Why don't you go talk to her. And if we're going by nobility, Hinata should go."

"What? Are you crazy? We're not sending Hinata up to talk to that thing!" Naruto growled, making Hinata blush a bit at his protective attitude. "Fine, I'll go."

Naruto set off, grumbling a bit. Sakura sighed.

"Well, he does have the best chance, all things considered," she said.

Naruto went up a few steps, stuffing down the irritation he felt when Gozer rubbed the top of Ino's head. He cleared his throat.

"Gozer the Gozarian?"

With an ominous growl the entity turned to regard him.

"Good evening," Naruto returned in as professional a tone he could manage. "As a duly designated representative of the Hidden Village of Konoha, of Fire Country of the Elemental Countries, I order you to cease all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or the nearest convenient parallel dimension!"

Sasuke just stared in utter disbelief. Hinata and Sakura weren't much better.

"Right, that should do it," Sakura muttered sarcastically.

"Are you a God?" Gozer asked Naruto. Naruto shrugged.

"If you ask women, I am," he replied. Sakura slapped her palm to her face. Hinata blushed.

Gozer smirked. "You contain one of my minions, yet you defy me?"

Naruto shrugged. "Er, well... Yeah?"

"Then... DIE!"

Everyone was knocked off their feet and sent tumbling, screaming down the temple steps by the blasts of lightening, finally rolling into a heap at the edge of the roof. Naruto groaned as he laid between Sasuke and Hinata. Sakura had ended up on top of a bench, and panted as she glared angrily at Naruto.

"Hey... Don't... Blame me... It was totally... A trick question!" Naruto bit out.

And now, some snippets written by Kenko:

To Naruto's personal horror, Sasuke strode up to the THING. The THING that was menacing Konoha, in fact soon the entire land of Fire, and soon enough the entire world! Sasuke either had one of his genius moment-- or was about to do something incredibly stupid-- at least in Ghostbusting terms-- and Naruto could never tell what.

"By the authority of the Land of Fire and the Council of the Village Hidden In the Leaf, I herby require and exhort you to return to the dimension or dimensions of your origin, and cease and desist all paranormal and/or supernatural activity forthwith."

It was stupid.

"Are you a-- Eh?"

The THING stared at Naruto.

"Oh. Oh, sorry. Terribly sorry, don't know what I was thinking. Didn't mean to intrude. DREADFULLY sorry. I'll be leaving now. EH-heh-heh. All my bad. Leaving a few dozen kilos of gold to pay for the repairs, okay?"

And the THING went poof.

Naruto stared in dull shock at the empty space where the THING had been, the THING that would have destroyed the world, the THING that had-- although he had no idea that that was the reason for the retreat-- had recognised Kyuubi within him and had taken the better part of valor.

Then he walked over to Sasuke, grabbed his collar, and wildly shaking him, screamed "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU PULL THAT OFF?!?"

Sakura sighed. Even SHE didn't think Sasuke was QUITE that cool...

All eyes turned to Kakashi.

"It.. it's not my fault! I TRIED to think of nothing! I really did! But... but... there was just this image... it just leapt into my mind. I couldn't stop it! So I tried to think of something innocent... something that could never EVER hurt us..."

It was huge. It was monstrous. But mostly it was stacked in a very, very short dress.

"So, I though of Yuri-chan from Icha-Icha Paradise."

As the titanic, wet-dream inspiring girl started her rampage though Konoha, Naruto had only one thing to say about that...

"Dude, I can SO see her panties... and right now that's not a comfort at all."

Yeah, I know, it's random but writer's block and all that…